Hiya guys! We’ve been
talking about this interview for a while now. In fact, before I even became
your Welsh Correspondent! And I thought
I would use it to introduce myself to your followers and fans from all around
the world. I thought it would be a nice little piece to introduce myself, my
experience, my thoughts and beliefs to everybody, and anybody I may be
interviewing in the future. Please don’t get bogged down by anything I say,
keep things light! I’m in a happy place right now! I hope you enjoy it.
You’ve had a few fights now, in a few different styles. What’s your view on being classed as a
“fighter”? Would you consider yourself a
fighter?
I’ve had 22 fights – 12 Kickboxing, 3 Boxing, 1 Muay Thai and 6 M.M.A. fights (this doesn’t include all
the judo competitions, all the ‘opens’ I’ve competed in and all the inter clubs
I’ve fought in along the way). I’m
honoured to be classed as a fighter, it makes me proud. But the bouts above
have been my easiest fights (no disrespect to any of my opponents! I learned
from every one of them). There have been 7 very difficult fights for me – the
hardest of which was against myself, my psychology and overcoming various
struggles. I suppose what I’m saying in answer to your question – is I think
I’m a fighter of life/demons. If I lived a privileged, stress free life and
still competed in Mixed Martial Arts, I wouldn’t consider myself a fighter. But I’ve had to
fight in 1 way or another since a very early age – at least I CHOSE to fight in
the cage!
So,
do you believe you’re born a fighter? Or do you think a fighter becomes ‘a
fighter’ through their life experiences?
That’s a very good
question! One which I’ve spent many many hours mulling over. Fighters, I think,
are different from others. When I meet and speak to people about the sport I
love – they look horrified! They have no idea why a person would want to get
“punched in the face” as a pastime. I’ve even been told to look for help as I’m
self-harming, by putting myself in a position where I let others do the harming
on my behalf! Lol. Its not the M.M.A. aspect either, or the cage, or the misled
misinformed human cockfighting view. I had it when I competed in boxing and
kickboxing too. The psychology of a fighter is different. Were fighters born
with this psychology? Or are we moulded by our experiences from a very young
age? Back to that old nature/nurture debate!
Obviously being around people who inspire you at a young age contributes
– I started judo at 5 yrs old because my older brother was good at it, and I
wanted to be like him. But there’s a difference between DOING a martial art and
actually stepping into an arena and COMPETING in a martial art. And personally,
I think that circumstances make fighters – but obviously I’ve not done an
official study and analysed results! Although I would absolutely be interested
in doing that if the opportunity ever arose!! I think it would be very
interesting.
I’ve heard that you want to give a very revealing, exclusive interview for us.
That you have something you want people of the martial arts world to know –
Firstly
- Why now?
Now, because I am on
the verge of peace! (as you read further, you will understand why). I am no longer worried about what people say /
think of me. And I don’t believe certain things should remain ’secret’ – such
as mental health, addictions and the cause of these things. And I’ve been hiding a dark secret now for 19
years – a struggle with an addiction, which is about to come to an end.
Secondly
– Is there anybody in particular this is aimed at?
This isn’t aimed at
anybody in particular. Although, there are 2 groups of people I have in mind
when I write this. Firstly, the people of the martial arts world. Its that whole cliché “I could’ve been better
IF …” or “I was bad BECAUSE .…” (insert any lame excuse here). But a record is a record, and mine isn’t too
good. And I know I’ve been judged on it (kind of what records are there for I
suppose!) But I want this opportunity to
explain to people who care, what went wrong, and maybe give others some hope.
The second group of people I hope take something from this is ‘survivors’ (NOT
victims!) of abuse of any type, addictions of any type, and the people who
think they CANT do what they want – for any reason. YOU CAN.
Thirdly
– WHY? Lol. I mean, why expose your inner most thoughts and feelings for
everybody to read?
I’ve explained above
that I would like to explain my record / performances. I also want to
be able to help anybody who
wants it (my details will be at the bottom). Anybody I can give strength
to, or
anybody I can inspire to push themselves to achieve the things they want
to
achieve, or overcome things they never thought they could. I never
thought I would – but I have! And I am now happy (I will be by the time
this is published! Just 1 more step to go).
In addition to all of this – it seems mental health is being spoken
about more than ever before! And that’s great! And I was recently
inspired by
something I read on a website –
“There
is nothing wrong with talking about the pain of (child) abuse and neglect.
There is nothing wrong with healing and becoming empowered by exposing how we
lost our power and choice in our lives. We have everything to gain by doing
this! I took my life back when I finally
validated the pain … that I had felt at the hands of other people. If the truth
is what sets us free then its time expose the truth and talk about it”.
(Darlene Ouimet. www.emergingfrombroken.com)
Ok
Kc, so we’ve spoke many times about this, and against my advice, and every
opportunity I’ve given you NOT to do this – lets start.
What
is your addiction?
I am alcohol dependant (very different from being an alcoholic).
How
long have you suffered from alcoholism?
Since I was 16yrs old, so 19 years now (it
would’ve been 20 years in November this year, which is what shocked me into
taking action).
What
caused this addiction?
A gang rape at knife point. During my college years, my friend organised
a lift for me from my digs to hers for a party.
On the journey there (my friend wasn’t present) the men pulled the car
over in a lane and attacked me.
Afterwards, we carried on as normal to the party as if nothing had
happened! When we got there, I didn’t want to cause a scene or a fight, so
didn’t say a word to anybody. Instead I
just grabbed a number of beers, bottles of wine and other spirits, and sat in a
corner for the rest of the night drinking until I passed out. I’ve drank every night since that night – I
have never been able to face bed time without numbing my anxieties with a few
drinks beforehand.
This was just one thing in a string of events and I don't
mean to marginalise it in any way but can we wind back the clock. Anyone
reading this take a seat, your going to need one.
I have described the
attack above as this is when my relationship with alcohol first started – and
its this relationship that has had a huge impact on my martial arts career. But it wasn’t the first, or the last incident
like this in my life. I mentioned in the
first question about 7 very difficult fights I’ve had in my personal life. This
attack was one, I actually fought for my life. And the alcohol dependency that
resulted is another (very long) fight!
But I was already struggling, bruised from previous battles. I could
mention my first battle which started at the age of 8 yrs old – a 3 year long
sexual abuse that I suffered. Or the second being the fact that my Dad suffered
from depression after losing both of his parents and brother within 1 year,
which made my upbringing quite … unconventional lol, and caused me to self harm
whilst growing up. The third was another rape which took place 6 months before
the gang rape at knife point (being the fourth, leading to alcohol dependency
being the fifth). The sixth was my last
relationship which lasted just over 4 years and was very abusive - I was not
only beat on a weekly basis, headbutted, regularly locked in the garage for
hours at a time, I was shot at with a real gun etc etc. But the worst aspect of
that relationship was the mental abuse. I know people don’t understand that
aspect so much because there are no bruises to be seen. But believe me – I’m a
very strong minded, determined individual – and he had me believing that all my
attacks were my own fault, and that I needed to be locked up in a padded room.
Worst 4 rs of my life. My 7th
battle is a result of a combination of all the others,, and something I will
live with for the rest of my life, it is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
(PTSD). I have been diagnosed and it is
now being controlled with medication. And soon (last step!) I will be having my
brain reprogrammed so I don’t suffer from flashbacks or nightmares
anymore!! It’s amazing what we can do
with our brains – but that’s a whole different interview lol.
Look, I'm not going to
use this as a therapy session, and by no means do I want to take away from
anybody else's experiences. I know there
are people who have experienced a lot worse than me – I’ve met a few on my
journey to peace. But there are so many
amazing things out there which can help somebody who suffers from any form of
mental health issue or addiction. My journey through all the shit times has led
me into a search to ‘fix’ myself. I have
studied a psychology degree with the OU, and specialised in criminology. I was consumed with not becoming a victim
again, so covered Victimology amongst other things including the Anatomy of
Motivation, Violent Minds and I studied violent criminals and their histories,
and what circumstances create these types of personalities. Obviously I continued martial arts – but
became interested in competing as well as training. I also wanted to learn how to control the
anxiety I faced every night, which created my alcohol dependency, so I joined a
spiritualist church, learnt meditation, completed a hypnotherapy course – and I
am always looking to further my learning's in this area - so I have read (and
continue to read!) a number of books recommended by a mentor and friend of mine
- the Professional Sport Psychologist known as Gary ‘Smiler’ Turner! I even became a Personal Trainer and a Massage
Therapist!
So, how have these things have effected your martial arts career?
I’ve always tried to be
the best person I can be, and work to not only better myself, but to better understand
myself. Unfortunately, because of what
life has thrown at me, its taken a very long time to go through the process of
denial, anger, depression, coping mechanisms, grieving for the person I was
(each time) … and a lot of people wont understand that stage … recognising
where things went wrong, recognising my coping strategy (alcohol) no longer
serves me best, accepting I have to change, finding the help I need to change …
the list goes on lol. But along this
journey, I have had to have a drink to get to sleep every night. This includes not only the lead up to a
fight, but on the eve of a fight. I
would hope my martial arts friends would know all about the effects of alcohol
on the body and the mind! But slowing me down, being bloated, sapped of all
energy, even dehydrated hours before a fight – has taken its toll on my fighting
AND my training. And with hindsight, its
made me feel like I’ve let myself, and others down. Especially all the ladies
(and a few men!) who have contacted me privately over the last few years
telling me what an inspiration I am – I don’t actually know how much to believe
them lol. I mean, its very kind, and a lovely thing to say. But I wouldn’t want
me for an inspiration in martial arts. I
haven’t really done it justice in my actions. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been
studying martial arts most of my life (as already established in my interview
with the fabulous Welsh magazine, Bocsio, Edition 1), and I’m not a stupid
person – I feel I have a lot to pass on. I have taken away so much over the years from
the many amazing people I have trained with, and the many seminars I’ve
attended. I know technique – but I’ve
let myself and my opponents down in my performances, and that is very
disrespectful to my opponents.
As an end note to this part of the interview can you sum things up for us.
I find it frustrating
that life has made me the fighter – but because of my inability to deal with
certain life changing incidents, I couldn’t become the fighter I wanted to be
in the arena. But every day is an extra
day that I am clean, and working towards the ‘new me’, and my long term aim is
to build on this.
What
does the future hold for Kc ‘Carnage’ Kendall?
Its been a very
difficult 18 months. I’ve had a second
knee reconstruction – and I don’t know if its old age, but I’m finding it much
more difficult to recover from this one!
I’m through physio now, and it wont be long until I’m allowed to start
training MMA again. I’ve started boxing
again – I’ve found a very good boxing gym called Arthurs Gym in Rhydfelin,
which is local to me. Its run by the boxer Jamie Arthur – the Commonwealth
Olympics gold medallist. So I’m brushing
up on my boxing skills again, and he is very supportive. Having said that, I am now having problems
with both my elbows, which require steroid injections and possibly another operation. I think my body is trying to tell me
something Lol. As for fighting – I
really cant answer that right now. It
seems I’ve overcome the hurdle which has kept me back throughout my competing
years, and now I can be healthier, fitter and more focused. But my body has given up on me! Lol. So I
suppose my aim for 2014 is to get as fit and healthy as I can, recover and
strengthen my injuries, slowly get back into training, and go from there! I’m
expecting to become fitter and healthier than I’ve EVER been! And if that
happens, and the opportunity comes up to fight – I cant see any reason not to
accept it. But I’m in no rush. I used to rush straight from one fight to
another, training especially for each different opponent. I cant remember the
last time I actually trained for fun. So I’m going to reignite my passion for
training for fun.
Making this a positive
ending, as you know – I have now become the Welsh Correspondent for Cage
Amateurs UK! So I am just getting used to interviewing people (rather than
being interviewed!) and writing up events. I have a few big Welsh events coming
up, and a few idea’s to promote some very good welsh clubs. I have just interviewed my favourite U.F.C. fighter (favouritism??! NOOOO – but he’s from Dragonslair M.M.A! Lol) and this
will be published before next week. So I
will definitely remain in the M.M.A. world, whether I fight again, continue
writing up shows and interviewing fighters / clubs – or even do both!! I love martial arts, and especially the M.M.A. world for 1 very important reason – it saved my life. Without this focus, discipline, outlet and
huge support from all the amazing people involved – who knows where I would’ve
ended up. On the streets, addicted to
drugs, behind bars … or worse.
On another note – this
has been a fairly quick interview, which has allowed me to skim over a number
of ‘adventures’ I have had very briefly!!
I have had friends and family urging me to write a book of various
experiences (not all bad! And I have a healthy way of looking back and making
light of things. I wont be all doom and gloom.
I am here, today, sat in a library as I write this up, knowing I have
plans to spend a few days with a very good friend later on this week. I am
safe, happy, have a good future and blessed).
So hopefully - some time in the future – I may even release a book! Not only about my passion for M.M.A. but I have
also had a varied career too, working a number of jobs from a giraffe keeper,
lifeguard and door supervisor – to a forensic scientist, cytogentetacist and in
the prison service! So many happy and
funny tales to tell! So keep your eyes
peeled!
Are
there any shout outs you would like to give?
I would like to thank
you guys at Cage Amateurs UK for giving me this opportunity to ‘come out’ (as it were!) to
people as I’ve always felt I wasn’t allowed to express myself, my journey, my
struggles and why I have become the person I am. I would also like to whole heartedly thank
somebody who I already mentioned in the interview – Gary Turner. I remember the first time I went to see him
fight, and I became a huge fan of his talent and humble personality. He’s been
a huge inspiration to me in my martial arts career. And in later years he has
become a mentor and friend. He has guided me after completing my various
courses when I didn’t know where to turn next so I could carry on furthering my
understanding and education. He has also been a huge help to me since I have
been practicing hypnotherapy! When I run out of idea’s, he is the first person
I turn to. So many thanks Gary. I
would also like to thank Beccy Davies for being a true friend. She introduced me to my first M.M.A. club when I
moved to Wales – Dogs Of
War, and through this club I have made many good friends. Beccy has also been
my rock when I need a training partner, corner girl and general friend. M.M.A. wise (nothing to do with this interview –
but some people I will be loyal to forever!) I would like to give a huge shout
out to Dragonslair M.M.A. in Wiltshire. They are the friendliest ‘family’ I have
ever had the pleasure of being a part of.
And they’re not bad at M.M.A. either!
And lastly, obviously I would like to say thank you to my family who
have always tried to understand me and help me through things – no matter how
difficult I have made this at times. I
hope they all know how much I love them.
My Mum has been the brunt of a lot of my anger, and I'm not sure I can
ever make things up to her. My Dad has been my biggest inspiration throughout
my whole life, showing me that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to, and
teaching me how to be strong – but diplomatic (when needed!) He’s always been
my strength and my friend. My brother
who has always been my safety net when I’m about to fall off the edge of the
world, he picks me up, shakes me out and puts me back on my feet. And my sister who I look up to more than
she’ll ever know. She’s shown me who I want to be.
But I would like to
leave you with one of my favourite quotes which will refocus anybody who needs
it –
“I am not what has happened to me. I am what I
choose to become” Carl Jung.
KC Kendall At Women Fight Back
August 25th 2012
Previous to KC joining Cage Amateurs UK we had seen her at the M.A.S.S.I.F. Ashford Open which was one of the first events we attended and then again at Women Fight Back. The later being a charity show arranged by Emma Smith then partner of C.S.M.M.A. Promoter Gary Bond at Fight Science Gym was held on 25th August 2012. This show was to arranged to raise funds for
Victim Support a charity aimed at helping those affected by domestic violence and was a great success. An all female card and roles reversed by having ring 'boys' made this show of which I have not seen since. Even Lady Referee Michelle Browning who referees at Bellator had flow in for her holidays and offered to referee at the show. Add the venue run by Nick Chapman, Fight Science Gym, into the mix and everything was in place for an excellent night of M.M.A. Action.
Before KC's TWO fights, she stepped in for a second fight despite injuring her shoulder, we had time for an interview with her and this is what she had to say.
The first bout of the evening was against Katherine Brown it was in this bout Catherine injured her shoulder.
When another fighter found themselves without a fight KC stepped in for her second bout of the evening.