Monday Night Raw #1280, December 4, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

F**k talking about WWE right now, it was wack last week. Like Matt Hardy, DELETE LAST WEEK’S BLODCLART!

GRANT BODY-P!

RePPiN4U Overeem

Let’s talk about the YOU – EFF – CEE! Holy smokes! It was a lot better than the card on paper word up. Michelle Waterson & Tecia Torres – OWWWWWW! You two would get it. They opened the show, good fight. Then Alvarez Vs Gaethje SMASHED IT. Gaethje had the match won, but Alvarez… MAXIMUM RESPECT to him. Let’s skip the third fight because let’s be real, they knew they couldn’t follow that match. Then Overeem Vs Ngannou – The Sean Price Punch heard around the world – GOOD LORD! Sean Price would be so proud! Even I turned it into a meme! I DON’T MAKE MEMES! And Max Holloway Vs Jose Aldo… I like Aldo but he was outclassed here…

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RAW 1280! EXCITE ME! HAVE STEPHANIE SUFFER A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! LET XAVIER WOODS INVADE RAW DURING PAIGE’S MATCH DO SOMETHING!

Steph Raw

Survival kit: Spicy Black pepper crisps, Jaffa Cakes and Drinking chocolate… do you think that’s smart on my part???

And the booing has begun against Jason Jordan! I’m waiting for the crowd to start showing signs saying ‘Die Jason Die’!

I see someone in the crowd with a ‘Paige Marry Me’ sign…you sir have no taste in women, she is a dutty whore, she gives her pu$$y away, and well, if you want to contract aids I guess that’s up to you!

Well Double R did tell Jason Jordan to step up and take the opportunity! And Double J responded with a belly to belly to Double R! I guess NOW he has the big dog’s attention!

Gotta say Jason Jordan is GOING IN against Double R!

Look at Samoa Joe doing the knowledge! Aaaah man!

I’m telling you right now – This Jason Jordan dude – if he keeps this sh!t going – he gonna be champion in 18 months time. This match kinda reminds me of The Rock Vs Kurt Angle back in 2000 and The Rock put him over… you see what I’m saying?

Oh no! Samoa Joe gonna finish the job on a mash-up Double R but Jason Jordan intervened with a suplex to Samoa Joe! But why did Double R drop superman punch to Jordan? Oh yeah – he’s not a good guy, he’s not a bad guy, he’s THE GUY!

GRANT BODY-P!

WHAT A LYRIC! “Like Father Like Son right Kurt?!” Oh snap! making reference to the TNA days!

This ugly rarse… I hope Sasha Banks busses up her clart… but while Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville are at ringside… I’m not sure Sasha can win… unless Mickie James and Bayley steps in… and remember now – they haven’t troubled Nia Jax… or Asuka!

Oh snap! Sasha has brought her back up so that there is no teefing! The girl who is nice to look at but an ugly attitude – Yes I’m talking about Alexa Blitch – is on commentary. I just want Absolution to rush Alexa and beat up her blodclart!

COME ON SASHA! Kick down this b!tch! Talking about its ‘her house’ but you’re THE BOSS LADY! You represent HIP HOP! Don’t let Snoop Dogg be disappointed that you lost to someone who likes death metal!

Damnit! Sasha hit the Bank Statement but Paige reached the ropes! Absolution was ready to teef but Mandy and Sonya were still too strong! Paige recovers and drops the Ram-Paige – BLAOW!

I never noticed this but Sonya – you got no t!tt!£$! You got two backs! Oh no! Well you are getting that WWE money now – upgrade a cup size!

GRANT BODY-P!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ELIAS!!! For the first time – he made me laugh! He told Kurt Angle to put away his cell phone and hold his applause until he has finished! What if that was a McMahon on the phone!

Wicked wow – watch out now – Machine Gun Kelly is performing at Tribute To The Troops… well I won’t be watching that sh!t – CALLING KEVIN OWENS! SORT HIM OUT!

WTF?????? Nia Jax wants a piece of Enzo Amore? WHAT IS THIS? No no no this is not allowed! Shad get in there DO SOMETHING!

NIA SELFIE

You know Shad gonna have MAJOR BEEF with Kevin Dunn & creative now!

Suddenly I’m not interested in this cruiserweight match – I wanna know wha’gwarn with Nia and Enzo! HAHAHA this is gonna be great!

That’s the second time Elias has made me laugh! Did he just point out Machine Gun Kelly and say –‘no one knows who you are’?! FANTASTIC! Respect points gone up!

OH NO! I don’t think Braun Strowman likes that tune! BRAAUUUUUUUUUN!!!!

Elias run garne!!!! Wait there – maybe not – what was he thinking attacking Strowman from behind?

He busted his guitar over Strowman and it had no effect! That time he tried to run and he got ketch! Running powerslam – BLAOW!

I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!

HOLD UP – My hero Kane is back! His crushed larynx has recovered!

He says they gonna clash next week… but where’s the stipulation at? Buried alive? Inferno? Even Mike Cole is asking!

Is Alicia Fox ready for Asuka? I dunno… she isn’t all there in her head!

The real question is – Is Asuka ready for the Infamous Informer?? Hey Asuka – Wait til you see my Heihachi Mishima sword!

GRANT BODY-P!

Oh no – these three idiots again… and it hurts me to say that about Sonya and Mandy…

They gonna kill Foxy! Ah well… I’m gonna miss her…GRANT WWDJC2

Paige loves Alicia… NO YOU DON’T…

Alicia – your legs did not run like last time! They turned into jelly and sh!t!

“The ramblings of a mad man…” I can’t believe Bray Wyatt said that about #Woken Matt Hardy… what de rarse?!!!! So hold up – he’s gonna delete Bray Wyatt? He might as well – Wyatt ain’t done sh!t!

GRANT BODY-P!

Apologies for not writing about the Tag Team Championship main event… I’m just waiting for the finish…

Sheamus TEEEEEEF! The Shield had the match won! But Sheamus deliberately got The Bar disqualified! But Kurt said – NOT SO EASY! YOU MUST RESTART! Now it’s a NO DQ match! That fool Booker-T doesn’t agree – but they ARE THE BAR right?

Samoa Joe – TEEF!!! He attacked The Shield for no reason! Double R came down to even the odds but by then it was already too late!

A better effort than last week… well done guys, still not up there with recent weeks, but put it this way – I didn’t find my bed halfway through…

 

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Monday Night Raw #1277, November 20, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Deep breath… TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF! I knew that muthaf***a could not be trusted! I don’t think anybody saw THAT sort of ending coming though… and I don’t mean when Braun Strowman had him sh!tt!n his brief!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1277! Forget about NXT War Games. Forget about Survivor Series. The main story is – JoJo nudes have been leaked! Like – GOD DAYUUUUUUM! If you are good I may share them with you!

Steph Raw

Since Virgin Media wanted to f**k with me (internet was down) I have to play catch up on YouTube.

We at least Kurt still has his job… I still wanna know why Triple pedigreed him for no reason though!

Oh no Jason Jordan bex! I hope he knows what he’s doing!

He wants a match with Triple Teef? Does he realise this dude uses the hammer???

That’s what the fans want, but Triple doesn’t wrestle on a random Monday?

Triple H back off jacket! He’s THE GAME – he’s played this game for too long Jason Jordan is but a noob!

“Triple H isn’t afraid of anyone in that locker room…” – BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!! You sure about that Stephanie?

Triple trying to stand up to him! Then he forgot he doesn’t have the McMahon Helmsley Regime so he backed off!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kurt might still be the GM but The Authority is in full force I tell ya! Putting Braun up against Jason Jordan? TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!

Now, Finn Balor passes out to Joe’s super move right, and I couldn’t help but glance at Dave Meltzer talking about ‘Vince has no faith in Balor’… see muthaf***az – this is the sh!t I’m talking about – DON’T BE LIKE DAVE. Conversely, if Samoa Joe lost to Balor – there is Dave over there saying Vince has no faith in Joe… don’t follow him readers…

To those pea brains who say Dean Ambrose is ‘boring’ with that off the rope lunatic clothesline thing he does, I bet you didn’t see the lunatic roll up pin attempt on Sheamus did you??

If I had a negative to say about the Survivor Series, it’s that a Cruiserweight Survivor Series match would have been dope… The Zo Train Vs the rebels… Oh well… you could say it was WWE dropping the ball, but we don’t think about things like – time constraints…

I think Dana Brooke is trying to avenge her friend Emma’s release isn’t she? She wasn’t ready for Asuka in NXT, she ain’t ready now!

Remember last time Dana Brooke slapped Asuka? Didn’t work out too well! What makes her think it will work out this time?

OH NO! The ugly @$$ Paige is back! Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay… MISS ME WITH THAT BULLSH!T!

HELL NO I didn’t miss you. F**KOUTTAHERE!

Hold up! Mandy Rose & Sonya Deville?! Now you haven’t gotta question what happened to the Tough Enough female champion, but that Sonya Deville…I like em feisty! OH YEAH!

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Now that’s funny! they beat down Bayley, Sasha and Mickie and then Alicia Fox screamed and run garne!!!! FANTASTIC!

Mandy Rose has a better super move than Eva Marie ever had!GRANT WWDJC2

Shout out to Micah Lee of Soul N Sports/BDSIR NETWORK – he posed the question – if RAW gets Mandy Rose & Sonya Deville – what does Smackdown get? WELL THE GRANT SAYS – BILLIE KAY & PEYTON ROYCE FOR THE WIN! DO IT!!!!

WELL THE GRANT SAYS THIS – If Mandy & Sonya have any sense – they will leave Paige before she turns on them – just like she did with Becky Lynch and Charlotte… Submission Sorority 2.0. What do you think folks?

YES!!!! THEY BEAT DOWN ALEXA BLISS! At this moment, I like Paige just that little eeeny beeeny bit more right now! Respect points gone up from NAUGHT – NAUGHT point ONE!

GRANT BODY-P!

First Alicia Fox, now The Miz! HIM RUN GARNE!!! I wished Braun was at the other side of the stage to stop The Miz in his tracks… I would have been DUN!

TRIPLE POWERBOMB TO THE MIZTOURAGE – BLAOW!

Jason Jordan might be the luckiest muthaf***a alive – his knee gave in at the right time as if it was divine intervention – because my hero Kane appeared and attacked Braun Strowman!

Kane is killing Strowman with the chair! WHOA! He did The Undertaker move with the chair to the throat! HOLY SMOKES! All that is left to do is electrocute his seed bag and set him on fire! (What – no pyro? Ohhhh….)

GRANT BODY-P!

In the battle to become the Intercontinental Champion… Sheamus & Cesaro try to teef!! Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale to Double R – BLAOW! 1, 2, and…NOT SO EASY!!!

The Shield come down to sort the injustice!

Spear to The Miz – BLAOW!!! 1, 2, and…3!!!! LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN!

Let’s be real – if all the beatdowns The Miz has had in recent weeks by the likes of Strowman and The Shield was somebody else, y’all muthaf***az be like – he’s getting buried! It’s a damn shame that half the wrestling fans have lack of intellect…

…and The Miz is still talking sh!t…. until The Shield appeared behind him! Now he wants to shake their hand? What a sportsman…

WHOA!!! The Miz said this is his yard??? Er… Roman…. do you have to make a long distance call to Death Valley?

Seth Rollins kick him down as if to say – SHUT UP YOUR BLODCLART BWOY!

Announce table set up – The Miz – Shield bombed through the table – BLAOW!!! When will he ever learn???

Monday Night Raw #1276, November 13, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

 

OL DIRTY BASTARD KING

Today marks the 13th Anniversary of the passing of ODB… the ONLY ODB I will acknowledge, the Ol’ Dirty Bastard of The Wu-Tang Clan. Let me tell you wrestling fans something. If you speak of another ‘ODB’, DO NOT INSULT ME, DO NOT INSULT HIP HOP, and DO NOT READ MY BLOGS.

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1276! It gaah pop off tonight! BUMBACLART!!!

Steph Raw

Double chocolate digestive and a chicken & leek cup of soup. I expect RUCKUS!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhh sheeeeeeeeet! Stephanie is here! Why she got on some dress that looks like a 60-year-old would wear?! She needs to take it off…
Shout out to Shabba Ranks and Johnny Gill… Slow and Sexy… GRANT BODY-P!
Come on Kurt – sweet talk Steph! What happened to your charm? Show her your gold medals do something!
The crowd doesn’t seem to like Jason Jordan very much! They don’t like John Cena either!
Oh no! Steph thinks Kurt has gone soft! I could never be ‘soft’ around Steph… I’m just saying…
GRANT BODY-P!
The Shield are here! You don’t think they are gonna powerbomb Stephanie through the ring are they???
Wait – I take that back what I said about Steph – she got some stockings on or something – GOD DAYUUUUUUM!
How is Steph gonna ask

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

where has he been? Like we don’t know!

I thought Double R was gonna say what he and the Shield was gonna do to Steph! As in sexually!
THE BLACK SHIELD
Stephanie… we know you’re a freak… can you take us three????
OH MY GOD THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Triple threat match to find out who joins the Raw women’s team! Mickie James all the way! I’m surprised Dana Brooke still has a contract! I hope she doesn’t miss her friend too much!
And of course you got Bayley… surely the favourite right?
Side note – Nia Jax looks hot with those braids she got going on! Actually lets throw a pic of her… for no reason!
Nia Jax lawd2
…and the bell has sounded! So much for your dirt sheets! Where’s Paige at then wrestling experts???? YOU IMBECILES!
Er… how the rarse is Dana Brooke gonna slap Asuka? That’s career suicide right there! Asuka with a roundhouse kick to Dana’s cheekbone – BLAOW!
Bayley is the 5th member! Fantastic! #DirtSheetsAreTheDevil – you are damned fools for reading those sh!ts!
Enzo calls his Championship his ‘boo’… that’s the closest he’s gonna get to pu$$y!
Time for the Shield to buss The Miz arse again! Oh it’s Miz TV? Where’s the remote – change the channel! But change it back if The Miz gets buss arse!
What’s wrong with Cesaro’s mouth? He’s talking like he got a gun in his mouth!
I could have been more profane, but I like Cesaro… who doesn’t? GRANT BODY-P!
Oh I forgot… when he had his teeth kicked into his gums didn’t he? Sorry my bad!
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Monday Night Raw #1274, October 30, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

NIGELLA-LAWSON-1

Now I should be talking about the ‘unfortunate releases’ of Emma, Summer Rae & Darren Young, I should be writing about some kid named Lio Rush whose tweet got him in trouble but at time of writing this, Nigella is back on my telly… this woman is going for 60 and she is still baaaaaaaaad!!!! I’d love to grab that woman and ‘decorate the kitchen table’…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1274! SOOOO – What you gonna do Kurt?

Steph Raw

 Double chocolate digestives and a supermalt, plus this sh!t starts early because the clocks tunn back… LET’S DO THIS SH!T!

 

The entire Raw locker room on the top of the stage! Kurt in the middle of the ring!

The crowd dropping ‘What?’ Chants on Kurt! This isn’t 2002 muthaf***a!

OH NO! NOW STEPHANIE IS HERE!!! OH MY GOD – This ain’t good! I mean – it’s good for me – I get to see her sexy @$$ but…hell yeah Steph I missed you damn! COME HERE GIRL!

They say RAW is television’s longest running show – WRONG!!! Try Coronation Street, Try Eastender!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kurt earned Stephanie’s respect! Until last week that is! Don’t you think he earned more than that back in 2000…..????

Stephanie is going IN on Kurt!!! She’s added a fourth I – Incompetence! She expects victory and annihilation from RAW at the Survivor Series! and if Kurt fails… THAT’S IT!!!! AAAAAAH SHEEEEEEET!!!

Kurt – it’s not too late to sweet talk Steph and get in her panties! You did it already once before!

Where was Miz last week went RAW got their @$$ whipped? Exactly – being a B!TCH hiding in the corner! He gotta defend his title now! Hope he loses – THE B!TCH!

What was that about Nia Jax walking out the company??? You been reading the dirt sheets again??? Nia looks glowing! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SHAD???!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Samoa Joe is back too! OH LAWWWD!!! He wasn’t here last week! I guess Smackdown attacked Raw when they were vulnerable!

He hasn’t missed any of us? Ah well! I missed Stephanie anyway…

NO APOLLO CREWS!!! GO BACK!! This man should not be a jobber?! Oh no…

NO TITUS! PUT YOUR JACKET BACK ON! YOU LOST YOUR MIND??? This muthaf***a went toe to toe with Brock Lesnar and you wanna step to Joe? SMH!

Kevin Nash, HBK and The Don of Dons himself advertised for the 25th Anniversary of RAW! The Grant says this – y’all best knock on Hollywood’s door and The Broken Skull Ranch YOU FEEL ME???!!!!!

The Miz Vs MATT HARDY! Come on Matt! He’s never held the Intercontinental Title! GET HIM MATT! I’m rooting for you all the way bredrin! DELETE HIS BLODCLART!

DAMNIT!!! The Miz still champion! Let the complaining on the internet begin! NAH F**K THAT – I’M NOT THAT GUY!!! I DON’T DO DRUGS!

Alexa Blitch actually suggested something sensible! She told Kurt to bring some talent in from the Mae Young classic! May I interject?? I say bring these in!

Bianca bel air

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t care what you gotta do to get em Kurt but GET THEM!

Who is my sexy Asuka gonna fight? Dana Brooke? If Dana loses, she might end up like Emma… according to Lio Rush!

GRANT BODY-P!

Wait a second – who is that???? I don’t mean in a perverted way – I mean in a legit concerned way… some chick named Stacey… oh dear Stacey – you didn’t even throw a punch – Ok – go to Vincent Kennedy, Collect your $1000 cheque, now go and pay those bills!

Er…. Danny Bryan?? What is this???? Remember he wasn’t too pleased that Kurt could fight and Danny couldn’t!

DTA KURT – DON’T TRUST ANYBODY! Not even Danny Bryan!

Kurt told Danny that the RAW locker room gonna come to Smackdown and bring the ruckus! AAAAAH SHEEEEEEET!

Why the f**k the lights go out? Undertaker isn’t there is he????

IT’S KANNNNNNE!!!! CHOKESLAM TO DANNY BRYAN! OHHHH HELLL NO!!!!! See what I did there?

GRANT BODY-P!

While Finn Balor and Cesaro are battling, I just thought – WWE – fire that muthaf***a Tyson Kidd! Future Endeavour his blodclart! Come on – you gotta buy some pyro for my hero Kane! Nattie can pay the bills! She’s the champion damnit!

Talking of Kane!!! Finn Balor tries to fight him! But Tombstone! TOMBSTONE!!!! TOMBSTONE ON THE CONCRETE STAGE!!!

Uh-oh! THE SHIELD!!! Well – 2 of em anyway! Remember Seth Rollins & Kane?! Haha this ain’t The Authority no more son!

I’m still sitting here thinking about Raw 25th Anniversary… Yo – Gotta have Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler and Vincent Kennedy on commentary at the old school Manhattan Center! Trish/Lita – where you at – bring your sexy @$$£$ here!

Cesaro & Sheamus came down to teef – Kane got the CHOKESLAM! He’s ready to finish him, but Ambrose tried to save his bredrin! Both of em got TOMBSTONE! TOMBSTONE!!!! Sheamus & Cesaro are like – BACKSIDE!!!!! WE ARE LUCKY TO HAVE OUR LIVES TODAY!

All Kurt has to do is send Kane to Smackdown at this rate and KILL THEM ALL! Apart from my Naomi… DON’T HURT MY NAOMI!

GRANT BODY-P!

Is Braun Strowman playing mind games with The Miz – leaving garbage in his locker room? OOOHHHHHH SNAP!!!

Look at the Miz sucking up to Kane… Kane is like – you’re on your own kid!

They put Heath Slater/Rhyno and the Balding club (Gallows/Anderson) in Halloween costumes like they gonna fight… what b!tches!!!!

Sheamus & Cesaro said the same thing! The Miz is on his own! I so hope Braun catches him!!! It would be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen!

Seems like Jason Jordan is not dun with Elias! He hates that country sh!t  – Jason Jordan is HIP HOP!

No Jason – don’t brukk up the guitar! OH SHEEEEEEEEET!!!! No one walking with Elias again!

The Miztourage is leaving the building! NOT SO FAST! Kurt says YOU NAH GUH NOWHERE! OR ELSE!!!!GRANT WWDJC2

RAW IS OFF THE HOOK THIS WEEK! And there is still Mickie James vs Alexa Bliss to come!

Looks like Enzo Amore got his voice back! I asked this question last week – where is Drew Gulak going? HE’S SO DRY – he makes John Laurinitis funny as f**k!

The Miz is straight sh!tting himself! This is great!! Oh man the writers must have had a kick up the backside as of late! See – I’ve been telling you that Smackdown as been the better show but as of late RAW has been straight KILLIN EM!

Alexa Blitch looks worried! Mickie James is kicking her all over that ring!

Yo they showing adverts of KFC word up… hopefully while you are reading this I am tucking in to the Colonel’s food!

AH LIE!!! Are the crowd chanting for CM P**K? I thought you guys love women? I thought you love Alexa Bliss? I thought you love Mickie James? You guys must be GAY!

GRANT BODY-P!

Alexa still the champion! SH!T! She actually used the Sean Price punch! PPPPPP!!! Nah f**k all that – watch this… Miz is taking foot and run!

You think Braun is driving the limo??? Buckle up Miz!

The dumpster has returned! OH NO! BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!! Me never see The Miz run so fast! LAWWWWD HE KETCH DEM! He dash the Miztourage down the ramp! It truly is Halloween for The Miz! The Miztourage got F**KED UP! HOW MANY POWERSLAMS HAS HE GAVE THESE GUYS?

LAWWWWWWWD! This guy is an official babyface now! I mean, I like Double R and Cena, but have you noticed guys, that when they are not on TV – WWE kicks @$$??!!!!!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1273, October 23, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

IWC fools

It’s gonna hurt me to say this more than it will hurt the man in question… but Aydenn Wardle: Give me your wrestling card. You are not worthy of it. You said (on a J.A.M.M.S. Podcast I might add) that if Shinsuke Nakumura lost to Jinder Mahal at Hell In A Cell, you would hand it in and not watch AJ Styles Vs Shinsuke Nakumura if it happened at WrestleMania 34. But there you are STILL watching, and STILL complaining that while Finn Balor Vs AJ Styles was a great contest (which it was), you said the TLC match itself was garbage. So ok – Strowman & Kane go through announce tables, Kurt dons the Shield gear, The Shield get double chokeslammed through tables, Braun & Kane fight amongst each other, Kane chokeslams Braun off the stage, drops 20 chairs all over him, Braun comes back – pie faces his own team, the team rush him and throw him in the dumpster truck, Kane gets double speared through the barricade, Angle comes back – drops the olympic slam on Cesaro & Sheamus (prior to that he took most of the team to suplex city) then he and The Shield completely destroy The Miz for the win and YOU SAID IT WAS GARBAGE? YOUR CARD. GIVE IT TO ME!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1273! My apologies to my readers at Cage Amateurs UK: When Virgin Media pull the plug because I didn’t pay those bills, life offline is a bit lonely!

Steph Raw

 Now really and truly, I shouldn’t be watching live because I have a hospital appointment in the morning, (or rather by the time you read this I’ve already been to the hospital) but… Brock Lesnar gonna sign Jinder Mahal’s death warrant- er I mean answer the challenge for the Survivor Series!

But first – KUUUUUUURT!!! I was concerned about him at the PPV, but thank god he’s ok, he may have got put through a table by Strowman, but he’s still standing strong!

Raaaaar! It’s champion Vs champion at the Survivor Series! Plus 5 Vs 5 Tradtional Raw Vs Smackdown mens & womens matches!

Miz thinks Raw is his show? He got BUSS ARSE at the PPV! He’s more like Raw’s B!TCH!

Look at him complaining and sh!t… Kurt needs to tell him to shut the f**k up!

I know the Miz & the Bar was not gonna rush Kurt and brukk him up… thank god for the Shield! That would have been injustice right there!

Oh snap! 6 man jump off right now! The Bar/Miz face The Shield & AJ Styles! Good on this dude – he’s staying on Raw for the Monday too! Give this man MVP of the week please!

Ok guys – as much as I wanna hang around and watch RAW live, as stated above – I gotta fin my bed. I don’t wanna be walking like a zombie to the hospital tomorrow! Don’t worry – your boy is ok, just come off the medication and they are monitoring your favourite daywalker. (Very funny you think I was on medication because I don’t know my wrestling sh!t like you guys…go jerk off over Alexa Bliss…)

GRANT BODY-P!

Ok I’m back… the hospital could have called me to tell me the good news instead of me going clean up there only to be there for 5 minutes… let’s get on with this week’s World Wrestling Federation.

I love a good old ruckus match I do! Bodies everywhere! Camera can’t keep still! I love it! Finishing with a phenomenal forearm to Cesaro’s headcrown – BLOAW! All that technical sh!t is boring – GIVE ME RUCKUS! that’s what The Shield, the Miz, the bar and The Phenomenal One did!

OH NO! IT’S KAAAAAAAANE! Should be no problem for The Shield and AJ… right??????

Is it me or can I hear fans chanting for Roman? Er – dude is sick! Mash up with meningitis and sh!t… now you cheer for him… fickle… that’s why I can’t f**k with you wrestling fans sometimes! You’re worse than a b!tch on her period!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kane has decided to chill with us! I like how they treating his promo treatment – lighting all red, titan tron with flames and sh!t… that’s what I’m talking about!

He says he’s Raw’s original monster! I gotta agree with Kane I’m sorry! I mean yes, Strowman has pushed over ambulances, broken rings, walked out of a truck crash, nearly destroyed Brock Lesnar… but my hero Kane… he impregnated Lita, he tombstoned a priest, he electrocuted Shane’s balls, he buried his own brother alive… he’s been carried to the ring in chains once, and my personal favourite – he set people on fire for joke!

As much as I love Finn Balor, he has no chance against my hero Kane! I mean… he didn’t have to put the demon paint on against AJ Styles… but here, he’s just a man!

Finn Balor! Front drop kick to Kane to the turnbuckles! Set up for the Coup De Grace! But Kane sat right up! NO! Chokeslam off the top ropes! Balor tried to counter but the grip was too much! Chokeslam – BLOAW!

Not going for the cover! Grabs Balor by the neck again – another chokeslam – BLAOW!

NOT A THIRD!!! What did Balor do to deserve this!!! He’s a good man! CHOKESLAM – BLAOW! BACK BRUKK!!!

Emma has another chance to make Asuka see the lights for the first time in her WWE career! I’m telling you now – she needs Dana Brooke by her side again… I don’t know why they split them up in the first place…

Wait a second! Didn’t I watch Elias Samson Vs Jason Jordan already? I don’t need to see this sh!t again… hey WWE – if people missed it they can watch the PPV on the network!

Wait – I take that back – Jason Jordan coming with that ruthless aggression yo! Elias getting charged into the barricades! But Elias had to teef – he found a guitar and lick it over Jordan’s head – BLAOW!

Oh sorry guys – it was the shoulder of Jason Jordan… sorry if I got you excited for a hot minute…

GRANT BODY -P!

Drew Gulak – do not do speeches/pitches again – you sound like one of those idiots from The Apprentice!

Holy smokes Gran Metalik! He’s taken ‘walking the ropes’ to a new level hasn’t he! His athleticism is crazy!!!! He makes Super Crazy look Super Dull!

So Enzo’s crew are called ‘The Zo Train’? Sounds like a male version of the Ho train… oh wait – that IS what it is! I knew something was up with the way Enzo dressed…

GRANT BODY-P!

“The same someone, who barely survived Randy Orton, the same soemone who barely survived Shinsuke Nakumura…” Yes boys and girls, this fool wants to test BRRRROCCCK LESSSNAR! The same dude who took Cena to SUUUUUPLEXXXXX CITTTTTY! The same dude who…(deep breath) broke the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania, The same someone who has conquered Samoa Joe, Braun Strowman, and Goldberg… somebody order a straight jacket for Jinder Mahal NOW!

Look at Brock – he’s laughing! Pacing up and down like –  “a wha dis bwoy gwarn on wid eh?”

“When we think of WWE Champions, we think of Bruno Sammartino, Nagoh Kluh, Macho Man Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and BRRRROOCCCK LESSSSNAR!!!!”

Er Heyman, what about Stone Cold Steve Austin? The Rock? The UNNNNDERRRTAYYYKERR? DISRESPECT!

I’ve come to the conclusion that Alexa Bliss is UGLY. YEAAAAH I SAID IT! I’m actually taking a good look at her – look at the amount of make up the b!tch got on! She that b!tch that when you put it in you think it’s the best sex ever, your eyes are watering, you are crying out like Lexington Steele, you reach the point of no return, buss your nut, go to sleep, wake up the next day to say good morning to her and JESUS CHRIST – she looks like Sister Abigail and sh!t!

church choir

080915, Atlanta, GA: Marcus Ross (cq) and the Beulahland Bible Church choir of Macon, Ga. perform in the “How Sweet The Sound” regional church choir competition at Philips Arena on September 15, 2008. “I felt like a star on stage,” Ross said.MIKKI K. HARRIS / mkharris@ajc.com

I will agree with the b!tch though, y’all wrestling fans is GAY. You chant ‘This is awesome’ when AJ Styles and Finn Balor stare each other in the face, but when Alexa and Mickie James sexy @$$ is on you sit there contemplating a toilet break…

Speaking of Mickie James – DAYYUUUUUUUUM! How did she get that in those jeans! Look at the high heels! Hold up – kick to the gut – tornado DDT in those heels! BLAOW! YES! Alexa Bliss deserved that sh!t!GRANT WWDJC2

Ok – Alicia Fox Vs Bayley vs Sasha – winner gets to be team captain for the women’s RAW team – Well The Grant Says – why is this even a question? Sasha is THE BOSS – she is a leader – not a follower! This match should not be taking place!

Actually I would love Alicia to be the captain – she is giving me joke ringing the bell like that! This ain’t Game of Thrones Alicia?!

OH SH!T!!! Alicia IS EL CAPITAIN!!! This is gonna be great! I LIKE THIS!

Hold up – Shane McMahon and the Smackdown brand? they think they are The Shield now coming down the stairs? They can’t be here???!!! What is this!

OH SNAP! UNDER SIEGE????!!! They brukk up the Titus Brand!

I can see Mr Strong Style there! He can take on the whole Raw Roster if he wanted to!

WROOOOOOY!!! THE LADIES ARE GOING AT IT! YES! PULL EACH OTHER’S WEAVE OUT!

Dean Ambrose said The Shield can take on the world – well how about half the Smackdown roster? Steel chairs in hand! Where’s Jim Ross when you need him?!

OH MY GOD THEY GOT KURT!!!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! HE’S INNOCENT!

HOLY SMOKES!!! You know Kurt ain’t gonna take this lying down! He’s gonna call his squad… and if he brings Kane and Strowman…. all I’m saying is – DON’T HURT MY NAOMI! OR ELSE!!!!

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Monday Night Raw #1271, October 9, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Now I could start this sh!t off by saying Columbus Day this, Columbus Day that  but F**K ALL THAT – I enjoyed the Hell In A Cell… best matches since… Brock Vs Undertaker two years ago? Nah Nah – Dean Ambrose Vs Seth Rollins was the one right there!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1271! To normal jabronies, its Columbus Day. To us WWE fans, it’s EDDIE GUERRERO DAY! SALUTE THIS MAN!

Steph Raw

WE ARE IN INDIANAPOLIS! Where it all started for The Shield, where it all ended for The Shield, and could it start all over again?

Why is the Miz doing this Mizzie sh!t again? I think I want the Shield to come down the stairs now!

Oh snap – Bo Dallas got buss arse so much he’s sitting at home like a beeatch!

Just think – Cesaro and Sheamus were at each other’s throats, one year later they are winning awards and sh!t! I’d give them an award for their entrance alone!

AAAAAAAAH SHEEEEEEEEEET!!!! The Shield are BACK!!! Minus the swat gear but that’s ok! THE SAGA CONTINUES! They have formed like Voltron! WROOOOOOOOOOY! The Miz! The Bar! the Shield! It’s all ruckus now! BUMBACLAAAAAAAAT!!!! Look at the Miz’s face! He’s like – A WHA DE RARSE! THE CROWD ARE GOING NUTS!!!

HERE WE GO! OOOOOOOWWWWAAAAA! TRIPLE POWERBOMB TO THE MIZ – BLAOW!!!

JUST LIKE THAT! THE MIZ IS THE B!TCH OF THE WEEK!

OFFICIAL! The Miz & The Bar Vs The Shield! TLC MATCH! AAAAAH SHEEEEEET! I couldn’t give a f**k about Elias and walking with that muthaf***a – he ain’t Hip Hop!

GRANT BODY-P!

YES! Titus f**ked up Elias rhythm! I wanna walk with Titus Worldwide! Apollo best beat this muthaf***a this time!

F**K! Apollo lose again… damn Apollo – did you p!$$ McMahon off? I knew he should never have come to RAW…

Sugar Ray Amore??? But him nah defend him title yet????

The heartbreaking thing about Enzo is – he makes all these Hip Hop references in his promos… so me personally – I cannot hate him like you lot!

You gotta be kidding me! Enzo is in the main event of RAW! 3 weeks running! Enzo Vs Kalisto – lumberjack match for the Cruiserweight title!! Come on son – Enzo has made this sh!t mad compelling!

I know these Hardy Boyz are fearless but Matt Hardy – TURN BACK!!! You don’t want none of BRAAAAUUUUUUUUN!

I think Braun is merely playing with Matt here! he’s gonna be BROKEN for sure after this! Did Matt p!$$ off Vince as well?

A LIE! Matt Hardy hit the Twist Of Fate to Strowman! Dude kicked out at 1! Matt  just get yourself disqualified and….oh too late – Strowman hit the running powerslam – BLAOW!!

HOLY SMOKES! THE SHIELD HAVE RUSHED STROWMAN! THEY MIGHT HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE THIS TIME!

DOUBLE R HIT THE SPEAR – BLAOW!

OH MY DAYS! THEY SET UP THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!

OOOOOOOOOOOWWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!

TRIPLE POWERBOMB TO STROWMAN THROUGH THE TABLE – BLAOW!!!

ROMAN REIGNS FEEL GOOD NOW – HE’S GETTING CHEERED!

GRANT BODY-P!

…and now we got Mickie James! And I am so glad she ain’t skipping to the ring anymore – I hated that sh!t!

“I have more energy in my body than you have hair extensions and pink hair dye!” YES! Mickie James speaks the truth! Mickie needs to bring that energy over here!

GRANT BODY-P!GRANT WWDJC2

I’m all about the older women!!! It’s been my track record since I was 21!

Oh sh!t – Mickie got the crowd chanting ‘biscuit butt’ to Alexa! I take it that means she has NO SHAPE!

SERIOUSLY?? Bayley, Sasha and Alicia want to go agains… wait a second – Dana & Emma want in!

Fatal 5 way match for the opportunity to face Asuka at the TLC joint! But the question remains – where Nia Jax at? Er… she DID FOLLOW our own Shadfather on the twitter… The Grant says – Shad knows all the answers Sway!

GRANT BODY-P!

OH NO! Apparently Dean Ambrose’s mouth got The Shield in certain trouble! Apparently The Shield can take on the world, and for a second I did wonder – where does Braun Strowman fit on the TLC card! Now he joins The Miz & the Bar in the TLC match too?! Strowman counts as an extra 3 people!

Now this Sister Abigail situation! The Balor Club is not afraid of Sister Abigail! I know as hell I’m not!

HOLY SMOKES – A WHA DAT?!!! I take that back – Sister Abigail looks ugly as f**k! It exists within Bray!

Not even Undertaker & Kane have forced Bray to send for Abigail!

Big up to the Perfect Plex Talk Radio – they are straight taking the p!$$! Calling Bray Wyatt – a tranny and sh!t!

Now – does the winner of this match REALLY WIN? I mean, they fight Asuka… With this in mind – I’m backing Dana or Emma, because it started with them in NXT!

WHOA! Ok hold up – Dana and Bayley eliminated! Emma is still in this thing! COME ON EMMA!

YES!!!! EMMA IS THROUGH!!! It is only right!!!!

Big up to Kalisto! He’s dedicating this match to Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio! COME ON KALISTO!

Eddie ISP

Picture courtesy of Iron Skull Productions

There is no way Enzo can win surely? Big Cass ain’t gonna come and save him is he???

Wait a second the heel cruiserweights putting the boots on Kalisto – isn’t the idea to brukk up Enzo’s blodclart? Enzo may have a fighting chance here!

Oh no! the lumberjacks are causing ruckus outside! What happened to unity and all that? Kalisto just hit a superplex to Enzo to the outside landing on everybody! WHOA!

At least Mustafa Ali had the idea and kept the objective at hand – prevent Enzo from walking out of Indianapolis with the title!

YES! The Kalisto Del Sol! Kalisto – NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION!

RAW WAS OFF THE HOOK! WWE DID EDDIE PROUD STAR! YEAH MAN!

Smackdown.. I’m gonna pray for ya!

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Monday Night Raw #1270 , October 2, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I was watching Sky Sports News earlier, I am pleased to say that the dastardly Triple TEEF was sitting well away from my Natalie Sawyer… maybe he knew better because she is temptation incarnate with those…..BRRRRRREASSSSSTSSSS!!!!

However he did say that Ronda Rousey would like the opportunity and he would ‘give it to her’… SURE YOU WOULD TRIPLE!

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RAW 1270! WHEN DID ROMAN REIGNS PASS THE HATE BATON TO ENZO AMORE? Was it that time he kicked him off the bus?

Steph Raw

Hold up – before we talk about this wrestling sh!t – apparently movie star Bradley Cooper is looking to star in a biopic playing as Vincent Kennedy!!! I hope they don’t run the scene where he met Linda and on the first date he had a realllllly good time…. in the back seat of the 1969 Cherviolet Impala!

GRANT BODY-P!

Holy snap! No Michael Cole? Maybe RAW will be great this week!

I completely forgot about all this sh!t – Seth Rollins Vs BRAUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! he might be the Kingslayer buy can he slay the monster among men?

Braun is that over with the crowd that even with a fan favourite in Seth Rollins the crowd want Braun to f**k him up! Not only did he f**k up Seth, he got Deano too with the running powerslam – BLAOW!!!

Bad enough The Shield are f**ked up… but The Bar act like they cashed in their Money In The Bank contract for the tag team championships!

So this is how they gonna run it – take the p!$$ out of Mickie James age? You know she’s only what – she’s my age actually! Me and Mickie would have attended the same school – maybe even the same class! But I said it last week and I will say it now – Garth Brooks & Wu-Tang don’t mix!

GRANT BODY-P!

I know Nia is the sexiest muthaf***a on RAW but we gotta give it up to Mickie James this week…

Mickie james

Look at Alexa Blitch rubbing it in as Mickie is getting buss arse by Nia…. man I would love to get one of my sisters to f**k Alexa up!

HOLY SMOKES – Mr Motormouth now has nothing to say! NO BARS! I said it to you before Enzo – Take your WWE cruiserweight wages and remove the Wu-Tang tattoo off your arm. You are not worthy of it and The Saga Continues without you. (see what I did there?)

Just to be clear – I don’t hate you Enzo – in fact far from it… but you have to pay penalties yo…

Mickie James gets title shot against Alexa Bliss at the TLC joint! YES! Gonna be interesting either way – with Asuka’s debut at the PPV!

While Jason Jordan & Matt Hardy are fighting The Balding Club, I just wanna give a shout out to @majorpaiger1 on twitter – SoulNSports first lady…. like dayuum girl you are cute! If I was 10 years younger….

Conversely – Shout out to STC and fellow JAMMS co host – Joanne Chapman… If this was about 8 years ago – girl – I would be ALL OVER YOU!

GRANT BODY-P!

Just letting you know – The Infamous Informer is a faithful man… I love my real life first lady. Not talking about Naomi now – My true first lady. Temptation is everywhere… but the north got everything under control!

Er wait – The Balding Club WON?!!!! WHOA!!! I wasn’t paying attention! there I was chatting away about beautiful women and the everyday battle to fight off infidelity!

NO!!!! The Miztourage are doing The Shield’s entrance! They are coming down the stairs! they can’t do that!!!! TEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!

They lucky Dean and Seth are too brukk up to do anything!

Double R is straight up f**k!n up the MizTourage! They won’t be coming down the stairs again!

There is no way The Miz can win! Even if he takes the belt and tries to run – Double R gonna catch him!

It’s gonna take like 5 Skull Crushing Finale’s to put away Double R! You saw what happened at No Mercy! Cena dropped 4 FUs – one of them being the super FU off the top ropes!

Wait a minute – The Bar assaulting Double R for no reason! This has to trigger The Shield now surely!

The Miz and The Bar did the ultimate supermove – hit the triple powerbomb on Roman Reigns – BLAOW!

Calling it now – The Bar/Miz Vs The Shield in a TLC Match – that’s the main event right there!

“Abigail is alive, and she is dying to meet you”… and you can hear her laughing and sh!t….

Er… UH-OH! Bray Wyatt has finally given me something to look forward to!

I think Enzo Amore has found his voice again… and for the second week running, he’s the last segment…

WHOA! He just told the Cruiserweight division to go to hell!GRANT WWDJC2

WHOA! If any cruiserweight touches Enzo – this time they get FIRED????

Looks like Neville wants to be fired!!! In fact 205 Live could end right here!

Oh snap he took a shot at Corey Greaves! Oh man – I’m waiting for BRAUUUUUUUUUN! to come out!

Maybe not – Kurt might just reverse the decision! HERE WE GO!

Er – Kalisto got the shot!!! The clause doesn’t apply to him! Now all eyes on Kalisto! He got the entire cruiserweight division on his shoulders!

Aaaaah sheeeeeeeet! Double R says nothing, Deano says nothing, Rollins says nothing… it might be that time to suit up gents!

 

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1268 , September 18, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Aah man, how do I say goodbye…

We lost another wrestling legend y’all… Bobby The Brain Heenan has returned to the essence and reunited with his broadcast partner – Gorilla Monsoon. Now the HWF (Heaven Wrestling Federation) roster is finally complete. They have their champions, (Warrior, Savage, Eddie) Their mid-carders (Perfect, Rick Rude, Owen Hart) Their women’s division (Chyna, Elizabeth) Their monster heels (Umaga, Viscera) Their babyface (Dusty) their top heel (Piper) Even their jobbers (Test, Crash Holly, Junkyard Dog) and everyone in between (Bulldog, Boss Man) And GOD himself is the general manager/commissioner – he’s signing these stars!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1268! Shout out to Natalie Sawyer… damn that girl is so fine! If I had my hands on her – I’d show NO MERCY on her p-(FLATLINE!!!!)

Steph Raw

I got NO refreshments… oh lawwwwwd… this is bad news! How am I gonna make it through the show?

Yo this week’s WWF wrestling better be as hot as the feud between Grace & Sienna on Hollyoaks!

GRANT BODY-P!

Ok I missed the first few minutes so I don’t know if there was a 10 Bell salute… what I do know… is that The Miz suddenly thinks he’s father of the year just because he breed up Maryse… and tries to talk down at Kurt Angle… you think Jason Jordan can defeat the Miz for the intercontinental championship at the No Mercy joint? F**k all that – Alexa Blitch is on against all curves and no brakes – a woman Redman would be proud of in Nia Jax… with that said… I had to throw some chips on… a brotha hungry!

..and just like that… I’m already fed up – the streams are f**k!n up, reminding me not to be a cheap arse and watch Raw properly on Sky Sports… well THE GRANT SAYS – I’m gonna eat my chips… and when I’m dun, me garne ah mi bed! I know it’s the go home show leading to the PPV… but my patience worn thin. This would not happen if it was Smackdown let me tell ya!

TUESDAY MORNING

Yes jabronies I am blessed to see another day, now I’m on catch up mode with this wrestling sh!t… and what do I see? Alexa Bl!tch running away from Nia Jax… that’s your World Wrestling Federation Women’s champion, your sweetheart… f**kouttahere! No I didn’t roll out the wrong side of the bed… this is Grant every day! Who you know like Grant????

Sasha comes out to tell Alexa – get your B!TCH @$$ back in the ring! Nia Jax claps down Alexa from the other side – BLAOW!

Shout out to the Soul n Sports massive & crew – before Raw I agreed that it is now Nia’s time to become the champion… but after watching her dominant performance… er… knowing WWE’s logic… er… oh dear…

Er… BAYLEY???? She looks bex for once!!!! She actually looks like she wants to f**k Nia up! WHOA!

Well obviously it would take the combined might of Alexa, Sasha & Bayley to mash her up when all they did was shoulder block Nia into the canvas…

Where does Alexa think she’s going trying to fren up – fren up Bayley & Sasha? They gave her the Ol Dirty Bastard look – GETTOUTTAHERE!!!

ODB GETTOUTTAHERE

“Nostalgia will fade just like these WHAT chants…” Sorry Cesaro the What chant will live forever… it cannot be stopped! It will only get stronger!

I gotta agree with Ambrose – Ii wouldn’t let my brothers dressed like battyman wannabe T-800s!

GRANT BODY-P!

I like The Shield’s formation suicide dives! That’s cool!!!! The Bar or The Club was not ready for that sh!t!

The Club lose again… oh god damnit this is the match we should have at No Mercy… what the blodclaaat! The Club should have won that sh!t to make things interesting… but nooooooo….

114 match losing streak??? If Apollo Crews loses to Curt Hawkins… then I will review my Raw card… but that sexy @$$ Asuka is coming though… she might be the saving grace…

Spinning spin out powerbomb – BLAOW! Now Hawkins is 0-115!

Wait a second – did Double R cuss bad words?!!!! How can you fools not like this guy? Oh yeah I forgot – you are all BUZZARDS with iPhoneXs lighting that sh!t up when a blubbering idiot walks to the ring with his flashlight!

GRANT BODY-P!

Double R bring up old sh!t about Cena running down The Rock… Aaah good times hahaa!

no_mercy_rendered-5805b3c8abc10195cce3ec0ebfb18b02

See that’s the only time Double R can get one up on Cena – when Cena is not here… five years later Cena is doing the same sh!t The Rock is doing… y’all know me – I’m Team Bring It all day… but Double R said something that made me think – maybe he shot himself in the foot – Cena believed he would beat The Rock at WrestleMania 28 – that went wrong… Double R cuts a similar promo like Cena did 5 five years ago – I have a feeling Cena gonna beat Double R and that’s gonna bring doubt and bad vibes in Double R’s Psyche… YES – that’s how it’s going – Cena wins… it eats away at Double R and consumes him until they have their rematch! That’s my prediction right there!

Massive big ups to Bobby The Brain Heenan. I will keep it 100 like I always do – Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler will always be my favourite commentary team of all time… but Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan were the original commentary team, not just that – you look at all the sketches they did back in the day – you don’t get that sh!t now word up. You won’t hear me say ‘he’s the greatest that ever did it’ unless I am a true fan – Ok I put it to you… in all the times you have read my blogs or listened to my podcasts on BDSIR Network – when have you heard me hold Heenan in high regard? Outside of the Royal Rumble 92 special show me and Shad did? Just keeping it 100…

Dustin Rhodes? So he’s now the artist formerly known as Goldust again? Oh no that became a horror story last time that happened!

Don’t worry I get it – it’s playing off the storyline Wyatt got with Finn Balor – I already did the knowledge!

Yo Rhodes is going IN on Wyatt! ‘Next Undertaker my dutty foot!’

…then he went in – right into a Sister Abigail – BLAOW! Er.. oh dear…

Finn Balor now on that cryptic sh!t! Oh Bray, you wonder why I refuse to light up my phone when you come out to the ring…

GRANT BODY-P!

So this six-pack challenge thing – Elias Vs Double J vs Hardy Boyz Vs Miztourage  winner fights the Miz at No Mercy? YAWN…. NEXT!!!

The Miz is so TEEEEEF! He doesn’t want Jeff Hardy or Jason Jordan to win! They need to kick him down and get him out of the equation!

OHHHH The Miz has done it now! He just called Jason Jordan a ‘Jon Snow’! he can’t do that! Oh boy – backing Double J all the way here… but that Miz is SO TEEF!!! Calling it now – Double J wins by disqualification, Jason Jordan gets bex, the Miztourage beats on him… then finally Kurt comes out, and hits the olympic slam on the Miz… either that or tries to break the ankle…

WHAAAAAAHAHAHA!!!! “I will feel great after I beat Neville at No Mercy how you doin?”
Did you see Enzo’s face when he heard – BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!! Braun just boxed him down one time – BLAOW!!!GRANT WU TANG FOREVER

Braun picked up Enzo one hand – CHOKESLAAAAAAM! BLAOW! I don’t think Enzo gonna make it to No Mercy now! Neville must be deddin!

The running powerslam!!! BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!! Holy smokes! Enzo is probably dead by now!

There was NO NEED for that Red Arrow super move Neville!!! Oh my days that was funny!

Let’s keep on this Braun sh!t! He says he’s gonna take Suplex City and stomp it to the ground! Better listen to him Heyman… or ELSE!

Oh man – if I was the referee – I would let Brock & Braun go at it – a simple wrestling match just won’t do boys and girls!

Paul Heyman is straight exposing Mike Cole as the wack journalist that he is! Mike Cole you wack homes!

Brock is thanking Braun for coming at him like this! Remember boys and girls – don’t complain on the internet!

 

 

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Monday Night Raw #1266, September 4, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Beyoncé Knowles-Carter – GOD DAYUUUUUUUM! Sometimes she switches the sex appeal on, sometimes it tunn off… but in this video… Just like how people think she is in the illuminati like her husband, THE GRANT SAYS this is how Jiggaman blasted his super sperm in his wife… THERE IS NO CONCRETE EVIDENCE PEOPLE! YOU WASN’T THERE!!! My first lady actually thinks he didn’t get in Beyoncé’s temple at all and it was a test tube job! Haha I love my woman… but her hatred for the 4:44 man is too much! Not even I hated Triple H on that level back in 1999-2005!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1266! Can’t we just do a whole blog about Beyonce’s fine @$$ instead?

Steph Raw

SOURCE: WWE on YouTube (I fell crazy ill so I missed it live… god damn viral infection is a muthaf***a!)

One thing I can say about Enzo Amore is while he ain’t the realest guy in the room, he’s more real than that Lonzo Ball I can tell you that!

I smell a slow heel turn from Enzo, because this dude is acting like he is badder than all the other dudes on the 205 joint… and I believe they are acting on the real life situation which happened a while back when Double R kicked him off the bus. You can see the clues in the 6-man tag match – tagging in when he feels like it to get all the glory, and using shady underhanded tactics!

I love the dude Finn Balor but I think he shouldn’t come out dropping promos just wearing his jacket and his brief?!!! that doesn’t look too right!

Bray wants to face the ‘normal’ Finn Balor! Well THE GRANT SAYS – Bray can’t manage the ‘demon’! Hahaha -pu$$y!

GRANT BODY-P!

Big ups to Booker-T  sounds like his family in Houston Texas are ok coming off the hurricane that passed. I do have concern for STC’s own Anthony Cardenas, who hasn’t been heard from since that time.

Gotta give it up to the crowd  I saw a sign saying ‘Flair always kicks out’! LOVE IT!

Hey TEEF – Sheamus & Cesaro tried to bait it up for The Shield and it went wrong! Distraction roll up against the balding club for the win!

WROOOOOY! Balding Club clash with Sheamus & Cesaro! They didn’t last very long though… yo Vincent Kennedy – what did these guys do to p!$$ you off? What did they doooooooo?!!!!

Was you jabronies gonna start your noise when John Cena defeated Jason Jordan in a great wrestling contest???? I bet you was! #FOOL

Oh snap! Double R puts John Cena on blast! It took Cena 20 minutes to defeat Jason Jordan! Watch this – they will have Jason Jordan fight Double R next week!

WHOA! John Cena doesn’t respect Double R! But but but…. he defeated the Undertaker! At big big WrestleMania!!!!

Look at Cena – getting on the fans side!!! This could be Cena’s one chance to be cheered 100%!

Double R doesn’t respect Cena because he believes he’s talk and no action! But Cena been action  for about 15 years!!!!

I think Nia Jax genuinely listens to our own Shadfather! I’ve noticed her wrestling attire has become a bit more see through!grant-body-p

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Now THAT give me joke! Alexa Bliss tryna slap up Nia Jax but to no effect! Nia just looks pon her and screams, then Alexa screams in horror as well and tried to run gone! FANTASTIC!

Holy smokes! Now Emma and Nia are in the championship match at the No Mercy joint! YES! They failed to tell me that in these highlights! Backing Nia ALL THE WAY!

Nia just reminding Emma what time it is – Yes we won the tag match, but come No Mercy it’s every gyal for herself – Samoan drop to Emma – BLAOW!

As usual – the Miztourage tried to teef in the match between The Miz & Jeff Hardy for the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Championship, the ref ketch them and ejected them out the building! But in the interest of fairness, Matt Hardy had to go as well!

But Jeff misses the Swanton Bomb, Miz responds with a Skull Crushing Finale – BLAOW! DAMNIT!

The Big Show! 7’2, was 500lbs of steaming monkey crap! vs BRAUUUUUUN!!! So here’s me waiting for the steel cage to brukk up!

Back in the day! Big Show’s super move was an elbow drop off the top ropes! THAT IS TRUE! No way… is he… NO….HE GOT HIM! BLAOW!!!!!

Wait a minute – not again! Braun setting up Big Show for a superplex off the top ropes!!! You know what happened last time!!!!

This time they reinforced the ring!!!! The match continues!

Braun hits the powerslam!!! 1, 2 and 3!!!! Surely Braun cannot be finished with him!

I KNEW IT! Braun picks up Big Show, and powerslams him through the cage!!! BRAUUUUUUUUUN!!! He should have said – I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!

I think this is how I’m gonna watch RAW in future, apart from Nia, Braun, Balor and Double R, all my favourite wrestlers are on Smackdown… maybe my illness did me a favor…

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1265, August 28, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

50 men have come, and 50 men have fallen. Officially – NO ONE can beat him! Love him or hate him – he had your attention and that’s real. RESPECT HIS GANGSTA!

Actually I wanna address the haters real quick… still in denial? Talking about ‘it took 10 rounds to take a non-boxer out’ – it will take me 10 seconds for me to tell you – SHUT THE F**K UP! Go and lose 10lbs, invest in that tenner in your pocket instead of ordering pizza for your racist fat @$$!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1265! We getting money YEP! Hall Of Famer YEP! He deserves it YEP!

Steph Raw

NO RAW beginning? We just gonna start with The Miz with his annoying self!

We got Jerry Lawler on commentary! You think he’s gonna be dutty towards Alexa Blitch?

Just as The Miz was gonna chat sh!t, Kurt Angle interrupts the proceedings!

Kurt Angle has no respect??? I’d rather Kurt have no respect than The Miz having no manners!

Looks like there is gonna be in a battle royal! Winner faces The Miz at the No Mercy joint! Oh wait – I got it wrong – it’s running NEXT WEEK on RAW – Intercontinental title defense!

Remind me in the morning I must start watching the Mae Young Classic jump off… the #1 reason I put back on my WWE Network – me want to see the gyal dem fight!

The Miz seems to be enjoying what he’s seeing from this Battle Royal! Everyone dashing each other out the ring and falling on their side!

Oh so that’s why… he got his cronies up in the match too! But what if Bo Dallas or Curtis Axel win? (hypothetically…)

Bray Wyatt TEEEF! He wasn’t in the match! Appeared out of nowhere doing his children of the corn sh!t and dashed Finn Balor out! CALLING STIPULATION FOR NO MERCY!

Just when you thought Jason Jordan was the favourite to win… Jeff Hardy emerges victorious! Oh wow! I like this!!!! The Miz doesn’t like it I can tell you that!

Now that Enzo fights on 205 Live, the question remains – is he still gonna mix it up with the regular roster?

Big Cass is out the game for a good number of months! Dayuuuum… that’s his push on hold before it even began!

At least we can keep it moving because quite frankly, that storyline was wack homes!

Neville doesn’t seem to be impressed with Enzo’s fighting style! He thinks he’s gonna be champion for ever! For ever ever? FOR EVER EVER!!!!!

WHOA! Brock Lesnar twice in two weeks!!! Good lord! Not even Undertaker got this treatment with Brock’s appearance dates!

GRANT BODY-P!

Don’t get it twisted – I’m not that dude who complains about Brock’s status and how he defends his Universal Championship, actually I’m that dude who doesn’t give a f**k – I got nothing to lose – Brock can do what the f**k he wants!

Not just that… Brock spoke as well! Man this is serious! Snatched the mic from Heyman like “What he’s saying is – Suplex City B!tch!”

Hold up – Seth Rollins just teefed a move from Apollo Crews! He can’t do that! Standing reverse moonsault while opponent was on the canvas!

Uh oh! I like this! If Emma defeats Mickie James, it’s hashtag city! However, if Mickie wins, Emma can’t say she started this women’s revolution sh!t!grant-body-p

What the rarse? They changed Emma’s music! Er… I don’t get it! 2K games – don’t worry about that!

OH SNAP! Emma defeats Mickie James! Maybe the music change was worth it! Emma started the women’s revolution! I know! We learn something new every day! Poor Mickie, maybe she needs to find a new love interest or something…  back in the day she wanted to get her scissors on with Trish… god dayuuuum!

I am quite shocked that they are running John Cena Vs Roman Reigns at the No Mercy joint… I mean, it has big BIG WrestleMania written all over it… even Mike Cole said so!

John Cena just says he has no Fs to give! Well nor do I Cena! Join the club!

Er… Double R.. rubbing it in about retiring the Undertaker! I respect it but don’t do that!

Cena just called Reigns a ‘Corporate created John Cena bootleg!’ Yo keep me outta this!

Cena is killing Reigns on how to cut a promo! Reigns is now going for low blow techniques on the mic! Reigns is recovering though!!! I think they have thrown the script away here!

“I’m still here because you can’t do your job!” Damn Reigns!!! HOLY SMOKES! I feel bad for you… I really do! The likes of CM P**k and The Rock have struggled against Cena’s lyrical sword!

Trust me – the IWC are gonna be partying hard with those memes this week!

Elias Samson is the ‘Elvis’ of the WWE? So does that mean he’s gonna dead on the toilet?

GRANT BODY-P!

You done it now Elias –  you provoked Jerry Lawler! I hope Lawler doesn’t send for his singlet…you know what happened last time!

What is this nonsense? Pelvis Wesley? Southpaw Regional Wrestling? GETTHEF**KOUTTAHERE! Put on Alexa and Sasha sexy @$$! Oh lawwwd…

Let me get my mint & chocolate chip ice cream y’all – I wanna see Sasha brukk up Alexa blodclart all over again!

You see – Alexa & Sasha don’t like each other in real life – they should apply this in the storylines! Look how successful the feud between Edge & Matt Hardy was, or HBK Vs Bret Hart! That added intensity! Right now I’m not feeling that with Alexa & Sasha…

OH SNAP! Alexa Bliss – NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION WOMEN’S CHAMPION! Nia Jax congratulates her – OH SNAP! Nia just put her down on some Batista sh!t – BLAOW! YES!!! I smell Triple Threat… she took out Sasha as well!

BRAVO RAW! I made it through the three hours! I yawned here and there but yes! Y’all came through! Double R & Cena though… good lord! That’s what we like – throw away the robotics – keep it 100 on the mic!

JAMMS

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