Smack Talk Centre-Raw
Monday Night Raw #1053: July 29, 2013!!!
Ok this is how it goes down, Danielson fights my hero Kane – first time they clash since all that Team Hell Nonsense… John Cena fights Ryback in a tables match (which we all know, they have had hundreds of these matches in live house shows…with Cena being the victor. But forget all that – it’s all about the Total Divas reality show that start, and has already gained more viewers (or should I say perverts) than the TNA joint and SHOCK! HORROR! It’s rated TV-14!!! That means the ATTITUDE ERA IS COMING BACK!!! – NO YOU DUMB RARSE!!! It just means the divas are more likely to take off their tingz and get on that HLA sh!t!!! You can stop masturbating now you bumblehead fool!
Yeah Layla I like it RAWWWWWWWWW!!!! #1053! HOLD DAT – BLAOW!!!!
Straight away if Vincent Kennedy is cutting a promo it is guaranteed jokes! And already he just told the world that even he is not on that Cenation sh!t!!!!! WHOAA!!!!! You see Cena? Even Vincent Kennedy is fed up of your stale @$$! What give me joke is that Vince crouches slightly to Danielson’s level, in which if I was Danielson, I’d kick him in his cratches!!! Vince wants NEITHER of them to win… expect Vince himself…. I know what you’re thinking… “Randy Orton gonna cash in his-” NO NO NO Stop that right now! This is what I would love to happen… and it would be great!
“Gimme the belt! GIMME THE BELT!!! THIS IS WHAT’S IT’S ABOUT! RIGHT HERE!” And he takes off in the limousine, flippin the bird at Austin (or in this case Cena!!!)
Rikishi did say on the Mike Knoxxx Perfect Plex Radio show that if the Uso’s didn’t win the tag titles then maybe they should leave the WWE. A few weeks ago I would have agreed, but the situation has changed… TNA is crumbling big time…. they don’t wanna go there! And it seems the WWE are keeping this feud going between Usos & The Shield….unlucky Usos The Shield get you again this time but… My hero Mark Henry BEXXXXXXX!!!! He threw all members of the Shield around like rag doll!!!! Even the Shield was like – ‘COCKAFART!!!!!’ That’s my dog Mark Henry!!! THAT’S WHAT HE DO!!!!
Dayuuuum Summer Rae!! That’s a sexy @$$ dress you got on!!!!! NOW TAKE IT OFF!!!!
It was a good wrestling/martial arts contest by RVD and Fandango, but why is Fandango such a pu$$y???? RVD was karatasizing his @$$ and Summer Rae had to step in and say ‘NO MORE’!!!! I would have dropped the 5 star frog splash on Summer Rae!!! I’d give her that ‘Rolling Thunder’ underneath her mattress!!!! OHHHHHHHH!!!
Does anyone know what Big E Langston is thinking as he watches AJ Lee & Kaitlyn get it on in the ring???? It can’t be clean innocent thoughts…. answers on a postcard please! I mean I know what I’d be thinking!!! The fact that Kaitlyn defeated AJ here may mean she could have another title shot at Summerslam… well THE GRANT SAYS STIPULATE THAT RARSE!!!! I mean if Total Divas is TV14… is there hope for a good ol bra & panties match? No? What about a pillow fight???? NO? I got it! what about a match, where instead of an inferno…. you put water all around that ring… the divas must fight until one of em gets thrown in the drink???!!!! Wetting up their good clothes? YES!!!! Make it happen Vince… it’s not like Linda is running for Senate now is she????
Oh no… here comes everyone’s favourite battyman – Dolph Ziggler – COME ON LANGSTON – DESTROY HIM!!!
Wait a minute – AJ just spazzed out on the battybwoy!!!!! Trying to pull his hair out and sh!t!!!! I GOT IT!!!! At Summerslam, AJ defend your Divas title against Dolph Ziggler! Because Ziggler is nothing but a B!TCH!!!!!! And YES! AJ is a better wrestler than Ziggler! YEAH I SAID IT!!! Honestly I don’t know why you guys like him so much…. I will never understand it like anal sex with a woman…. it makes NO SENSE!!!!! A nice pink pu$$y, and guys wanna cover their d!ck with doo-doo by going in the @SS… yes women doo-doo on the toilet too!
So the word is that just like Cena did, Bertie can pick his opponent to challenge for his World Heavyweight Title at Summerslam…. well he ain’t gonna pick Christian, that’s for sure! Christian out-wrestled his rarse!!! I wouldn’t pick Christian either…. no disrespect… but I would pick Zeb Coulter….. just to beat down his racist @$$!!!
I got nothing to say about the Cody Rhodes Vs Wade Barrett match… that sh!t don’t interest me…as soon as Sandow’s music hit then I was paying attention… and he hit Cody with a killer lyric – “Clowning is beneath my constitution!!!” You lot carry on supporting the rejuvenated Rhodes… Sandow all the way baby!!!
The words ‘Ruthless Aggression’ have been thrown around a lot recently… maybe that’s the era we are slowly returning to, and I would welcome it with open arms! Look how Danielson messed up and twisted up Kane! And Vincent Kennedy says this man cannot beat Cena???? I’m sorry but Cena’s 5 moves of doom ain’t gonna do sh!t to Danielson’s unpredictable fighting style!
Oh no! The Wyatt Family have come for Kane’s clart again! What’s interesting here is that Bray says that basically Kane calling himself the Devil’s favourite demon ain’t sh!t!!!! Well I dun said to Kane that he has to send for his sorcery again, and send for his brother too… see some of you say Kane should join the Wyatts…. well yes but NO!!!!! The idea is to have the Wyatts come into the game as their own stable and identity. After over 15 years as Kane he should suddenly change his gimmick? NO NO NO It’s a simple thing… lets see the FYYYYRE!!!!
WHOA!!! Am I seeing right???? TWO Divas matches on Raw???? YES!!! Finally! A Woman’s Worth is finally being recognized!!! All you wrestling fools SHUDDUP! You had your Dolph Ziggler already… now it’s MY TIME!!!
Is it me or has Brie Bella fixed up her fighting style? Well yes she fixed up her bra this time…. those nipples are for Danielson’s eyes only folks!
What is all that quack – quack sh!t about???? It must be something that happened on Total Divas…. answers on a postcard please! See we in the UK we ain’t got Total Divas yet… we ain’t got Devious Maids either…. we still got Knots Landing though… and Falcon Crest!!!!
RAH-TID!!!! CM Punk has really gone WOLVERINE hasn’t he!!!! During the contest between Curtis Axel & R-Truth, Punk draw out hs adamantium claws and threw Axel one side! Went after Heyman… I never seen the man run suh like that! WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!!!! Heyman’s legs did run!!!! Punk jumps on the table like say he is Wolverine!!!!
Let me get this right so I can understand this: Stephanie McMahon wants to give Danielson a corporate makeover? W’happen to ‘What you see is what you get?’ Do you remember when McMahon tried to make Austin wear a corporate suit back in 98? That didn’t turn out too well did it? One thing The Grant can say about this: Maybe WWE have Recognized & Realised (hip hop fans see what I did there) that Daniel Bryan could be their NEXT POSTER BOY after Cena!!!!
Another tables match, another victory for Cena…. after all that punishment he took, all he needed was his FU/AA special move to shut Ryback down. Honestly I do feel sorry for the man who loves his food like me… He can never win a rarse!!!
I do like how Danielson is f**k!n about with Cena though!!! ‘Well done Cena! Here’s your championship belt!’ ‘Oh thanks Bryan, most app-’ – and Danielson pulls the title away from Cena!!! ‘NO NO NO not so easy!!!’ But did you hear the boos from the crowd when Cena snatched the title away from Danielson????
THE GRANT SAYS THIS: I can see this going one or two ways: One, Danielson WILL defeat Cena, and will hold that title all the way til WrestleMania… think about it, Word is that CM Punk is slated to win the Royal Rumble. It has always been Punk’s dream match for him and Bryan to headline WrestleMania like that. Two, Danielson WILL defeat Cena, Randall WILL cash in his cheque, but NOT at Summerslam, Randall becomes the top heel, headlines WrestleMania with the title in which he will defend against CM Punk and/or Danielson. Cena may wind up challenging the streak and LOSING (22-0 BABY!!!) And should The Rock accept, it will be him Vs Brock Lesnar at Mania. Now how about that for early outcomes guys??? ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE!!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.