The Jobber Blogger #79 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 28/11/13


Well it’s December, in what feels like no time at all. What’s worse is it’s Monday, I am officially well into my Fourth day into my Holiday, only Ten to go. Still, I am at least getting this week’s TNA: Impact written up with a glimmer regularity.

While it may no longer be Thanks Giving, I shall always give thanks to those whom made such a day possible. The American’s love to go out and celebrate their “American” traditions such as Thanks Giving, which has its roots firmly set in the English ways. But like everything they pride themselves on, we started it all! Not that this is a dig at the American culture by any stretch of the imagination, no, I for one would like to give them praise for creating “Black Friday”. Yup, they spend an entire day getting ready to Thank everyone for what they have, and not needing anything more. And then the next day they rush to the Supermarkets and beat the crap out of each other over inadequate pointless cheap deals on superficial materialistic gadgets. God bless America, and their weird, weird ways of living.


Impact Wrestling Logo


I am however thankful for TNA: Impact Wrestling, and they should be thankful for the UK holding their biggest Audience, what goes around comes around. Anywho! A special themed Thanks Giving show which highlight every year is who wears a silly Turkey suit, which I think sums up Thanks Giving perfectly. If anything, they should make it tradition that all Americans wear Turkey Suits on Thanks Giving and give thanks to all they have. And of course on behalf of the Englishmen who came before me, you’re quite welcome.

American Turkey

You guess it, for famous Americans, all I could think of was Obama, Bieber and Hilton! Huzah you lovely culture you!

Yup, nothing like a good bit of national ribbing and borderline racism to kick off a Blog! I do love a good rant!

Dixie Carter kicked off Impact… again, after a quick nosey through my notes it seems she hasn’t kicked off the show as much times as I’d like to make fun of. But that being said, the fact it feels like she does it every week is enough to make me complain! WRESTLING! DO YOU SPEAK IT?

Dixie’s first order of Business was to name a “Chief of Staff” to help her out in managing the Locker-room.  And I must be honest, I didn’t expect it to be Rockstar Spud, but apparently the British “know how to treat Royalty”.

Regardless of all that though, Spud for some reason has put on an even more over the top British accent, but he actually suits the role. What doesn’t suit the role though however, is the fact his name is Rockstar Spud, he created this whole “Rockstar” gimmick, and now he’s wearing a suit, so it’s a strange blend. I’ve always hated his name, though he is good at what he does. Being an arrogant small British guy is a great way to build awesome heat and for Spud to not only get his name out there , but to be the “fall guy” for Dixie.

Also to be announced are the World Title Tournament Matches – Kurt Angle vs. Magnus – Last Man Standing and Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy – Tables Match. I expect Roode will help Angle lose, and Magnus till take advantage of the situation, then Angle will then play a part in Jeff winning, thus Magnus can fully turn heel against arguably TNA’s biggest Baby Face. But that’s just a guess.

The fact that Dixie now says she has “spun the wheel of Dixie” just makes the idea seem silly from the get go. Surely something went wrong with the spinning wheel, else what was the point.

But that’s little niggly bits in an otherwise awesome concept!

Ethan Carter the Third vs. Curry Man

One of Dixie’s other announcements was the “Winner Winner, Turkey Dinner” that everyone who wins on tonight’s show well be invited to a Thanks Giving meal.

EC3’s current trend is to chose opponents himself, and thankfully this debut has been awesome thus far, I know his matches are rather dull, and despite changing opponents, they are the same. But they debuted Three Wrestlers at the same time in a very clever way I didn’t expect, so big props for that, and now to have Carter choice some classic TNA stars is great also.

Though Curry Man happened to sound a lot like Christopher Daniels, I think that is pure coincidence, though what hair was poking out from under his mask also looked like a cheap party shop wig, but that’s neither here or there. What does matter is that Curry Man can dance! And boy did he!

Nope, that isn’t really all that relevant, so let’s just say, EC3 won in the typical fashion we’ve seen since he turned up at Bound for Glory.

What is worth noting is this:

Free Ticket dude

Velvet Sky vs. Lei’D Tapa (w/Gail Kim)

Despite that this marks Lei’D Tapa’s first match on Impact (aside from her Gut Check debut) TNA didn’t really do a lot to big it up. It’s something I’ve been waiting for since she turned up, personally I think they are building toward a Tapa vs. ODB, which would be an awesome bout for sure.

But that shouldn’t discount Velvet’s abilities, though obviously it’s sort of hard to take Velvet seriously when she goes up against… well anyone. So put her against Tapa and it’s just face palm territory should she gain any type of momentum.

One thing I don’t like about Lei’D Tapa so far is that she talks / shouts during the match, and also during some of her beat downs, I think she comes across much more meaningful and intimidating to just beat you down violently. Though I suppose she needs to talk, else her Ventriloquist act wouldn’t be quite as good?

Tapa Sock puppet

 But alas, Tapa won in what was an impressive “official” debut.

Broman’s (w/DJ Zema Ion) vs. Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum – Turkey Suit Match?

This all came about when Eric Young confronted the Broman’s and Zema Ion backstage with the Traditional Turkey Suit match. I’ve always been a fan of Robbie E, and obviously Jesse needed to be teamed with him, and thus far they have been awesome! But this segment is the absolute highlight!

Throw Zema Ion into the mix, and it’s perfect! And yes, this means that Zema is back in TNA! Zema left due to an illness but remained on good terms, and now he’s back! I always liked his in-ring skills, but I just couldn’t get into his gimmick. However upgrade that gimmick to work with the Broman’s, and he is awesome! A perfect fit to the team! Give him a DJ deck so he can shout and make stupid noises over their entrance and match is the best thing I’ve seen on Wrestling TV in a long time!

DJ Zema

It seems that Dewey and Norv are going to be sticking around as a Tag-Team, and their new music is still great, though they were defeated in around 20 seconds by the Broman’s, and then forced to dance around in Turkey suits. I think the idea was that they enjoyed the experience. Maybe “Turkey Boyz” as a team name?.. Struttin Wingz, Gobbled and Gooked,…. Weird Birdz?…. Giggly Flap Jacks?

Triumphant Turkeys?

This week’s the “Friends of AJ Styles” segment actually seemed to move things forward as Dixie shouted at AJ, for stealing her title, her property, and he was supposed to go home rather than build this world wide title defence thing. So apparently AJ has one week to return the Championship before she takes serious action. I can’t tell if it’s too soon for AJ to be coming back, or if something else will happen. I think personally we need to forget a little about AJ, and have Dixie rule with no doubt Magnus as Champion for a little while before AJ crashed the party. But I certainly look forward to seeing what they have planned.

Mr. Anderson held a Funeral for The Aces and Eights, which was attended by Samoa Joe, Magnus, Kurt Angle, Eric Young and Mike Tenay… still no Sting?

Though the idea of this segment seems stupid, and yes, it did run a little too long, however it was superb! Wrestling truly is the weirdest mix of everything you can think of, and shows like this week’s was a wonderful refresher of what Wrestling can be. Let’s be honest, since Hogan has been gone, TNA has been amazing… o.O I didn’t think I would say that.

Whilst Anderson and the Priest rattled on about The Aces and Eights, Magnus was on the phone, Joe was eating, EY was in tears! Tenay “Why are you crying?” – EY “I don’t know!”

Though Kurt had to make a stupid speech about D’Lo brown and through a Bobble Head into the casket, which was a little pointless. Joe decided to give them some James Storm Beer, but then handed it out to everyone but not Kurt Angle, which I found rather funny. Mike Tenay places Taz’s Cut into the casket but keeps Brooke’s shorts which he sneaks away into his jacket, which then led to a cut away of Magnus pointing and nodding which was even funnier if I’m honest. And then EY had the Turkey suit which he started crying over.

Bully however crashed the segment, looking like AJ styles in a homeless man kind of way, declaring that this isn’t the “end” it’s the “final awakening” so I hope to see some awesome things between Bully and Anderson which I imagine will be a great feud leading into the new year.

Bobby Roode, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels and Chris Sabin vs. Kurt Angle, James Storm, Gunner and Magnus – Elimination 8-Man Tag

Team Roode vs. Team Angle being the Main Event is an interesting one,  I feel fairly sure that they won’t meet in the Finals of the World Title Tournament, but will remain a top feud in TNA.

However the choice to have the entire Team Angle lose instantly was an odd one. Don’t get me wrong, I love that they did it. I personally hate the old “face looses first but fights back” crap.

The fact that Team Roode dominated the match was great, pinning out Storm and Gunner rather quickly, and then Magnus “hurt his knee”, leaving just Angle to fight.

Kurt did his best, actually building quite an offensive against Team Roode single handily. The numerous Suplexes and Ankle Locks was a great touch, but obviously his odds of Winning was not in his favour. And I love that they didn’t have Angle “defy the odds” instead he just wailed on them all with a Steel Chair, getting himself DQ’d in the process, but that made for a much better ending.

Though it does make Roode look increasingly stronger than Angle, given that Angle defeated himself twice too. It also makes Storm and Gunner look rubbish, given that they spent a good bit of Air-Time to build how powerful Gunner was originally. And no doubt Magnus wasn’t that injured and that will play a part next week when he faces Kurt one on one in the Semi-Finals of the Title Tournament.

Winner, Winner – Turkey Dinner

Spud was in charge of the festive meal, which actually led a good few backstage segments through-out the night where he was complaining from the lack of Fish and Chips, Sunday Lunch and Toad in the Hole. To top it all off was the “Bloody Yanks!” remark.

It’s a bold move of TNA to have their “Thanks Giving” show dominated by Heels. Velvet Sky accompanied Sabin to the Dinner, but was then kicked out, giving Zema Ion a place at the Table. What bugged me the most was Gail Kim sitting at the Table leaving Lei’D Tapa just standing there. I am becoming increasingly more sure that Tapa will eventually turn on Gail in her open challenge.

Bad Influence also kept up the bashing of Joseph Park through-out the show, no doubt this will eventually lead to his return or Abyss or whatever.

Either way, Kurt Angle crashed the Dinner, claiming them all to be losers, and cheated to win! Which actually no one cheated and clearly they all won their match. If anything it makes the good guys look really bad and sore losers. Though that didn’t stop Angle, Gunner, Storm, EY, ODB, Velvet, Norv and Dewey from having a big food fight / brawl to close the show amongst the loud “TNA, TNA, TNA!” Chants from the crowd.

The good ol TNA Chant is something that warms my heart, though I much prefer it when it’s spontaneous from awesome matches, rather than just random good guy vs. bad guy food fights. However this week’s show packed in enough craziness to make it stand out as a great episode of Impact. With the Semi-Finals of the World Title Tournament next week, not to mention AJ’s deadline to hand back the belt, it should continue to be awesome!

TNA’s new direction has been fantastic, so here’s hoping it continues to deliver!

Till then!


TNR Cover 12

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