Monday Night Raw #1071: December 2, 2013!!!

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The Infamous Informer

Greetings Internet Wrestling B!tches! and all you fine normal folk out there that loves this wrestling sh!t! I am your host, The chocolate pudding eating, hip hop reppin, WWE2K14 @$$ Whoopin!!!! Infamous Informer a.k.a. Layla’s baby father a.k.a. The Last of My Kind a.k.a. GRANT-BODY – P!!!! I hope you had a blessed thanksgiving, cleaned out all the PS4′s on Black Friday, mourned the death of Paul Walker when you should mourn the deaths of the little seeds in the third world countries, then went out today in what they call Cyber Monday and cleaned out Amazon and eBay… now SHUDDUP, BE STILL and let’s get some more joke from the world of WWE why? because THAT’S WHAT WE DO!!!

29 days and counting down til this year dun! RAW #1071! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!


Oh no Punk Midas you know the rules in WWE! You don’t disrespect the authority!!! Now look what you done – you brought Stephanie out here…. actually that’s good… OH YEAAAH!

Oh yeah Stephanie you have matured… good gawd almighty! Come here girl!

Look at you IWC b!tches trying to look at Stephanie’s hand while she drops her own promo…. just enjoy the blasted show you miserable f**ks!

Oh no now look what you done Punk Midas! You made my hero Kane set up a match – you one Vs the entire Shield! You are the Best Inna De Wurl after all… I’m sure you can take them!

Now the Authoritaah guarantees there will be one champion… and it’s up to us – NO – the WWE Universe to decide what the title holder should be called: the Unified Champion, (that’s the closest to Unification!) the Undisputed WWE Champion, (My Pick,) or the Undisputed world champion? Bruce Buffer help me out here!!!

#1 Contender match for the Intercontinental championship: Dolph Ziggler Vs Damien Sandow (my pick) LET’S GO!!!

YES!!!! Sandow with the You’re welcome Supermove BLAOW!!!!! Man I love both guys (Langston & Sandow), but I gotta go with…. wait a minute now is not the time to give away my predictions???? f**kouttahere!!!

What’s wrong? Ziggler got buried you say? Come on man kill that noise! Ziggler buried himself man…. he might as well go to TNA!!! I buss up his clart on WWE2K14… on LEGEND difficulty! What does that tell you???? Dolph Ziggler is WACK – GET OVER IT!

And the Total Divas Vs AJ’s divas feud continues!!!! I love watching the Total DivasBDSIR LAYLA GRANTshow, but when it comes to the wrestling… I wanna get in between Summer Rae’s legs, bend AJ Lee over and hit it from the back…and let Tamina sit down pon it so I can see her sexy face as she rides!!!!

You know what’s brilliant about this? Tamina and Summer Rae are beating down the Bellas while AJ is skipping like she’s on the yellow brick road!!!! YES!

Oh no Natalya pinned the Divas Champion again???? AJ Lee what’s doing you girl????

I love how the cameraman was outta order when Wack Barrett disrespected the Oklahoma crowd calling the overweight miscreants and the camera finds some in the crowd… HA! HA! (By the way waste of segment!)

Hold up – Ladies Favourite Randall Orton just told Brad Maddox to tell the authoritaah that he is bigger than WWE????? You are not as big-headed as Kanye West but…

You don't have the answers


So let me get this right so I can understand this: If Punk Midas has gotta fight The Shield at TLC, does this mean that Danielson has gotta fight the Wyatts? JBL amused me… he said he would become a Wyatt in a heartbeat! Well THE GRANT SAYS – GO and be a Wyatt then!!! And stop climbing them damn mountains!

STC’s Anthony Cardenas is right – this contest between Danielson and Eric Rowan is surprisingly boring…. the crowd is wack, the commentators are talking some random sh!t, and the fans are tweeting about the Slammy Awards next week!

Hold up – I was gonna ask where Bray Wyatt was? He usually sits there in his rocking chair! See him here on the titantron!

So he’s cryptically telling Bryan to join the Wyatts? and he rolled his eyes into the back of his head????? BLASPHEMY!!!!

You know why the crowd is so wack? Think about it – it is Oklahoma after all… they’re still upset about what happened to Good Ol’ JR…

Oh my days I was right!!! My hero Kane just said Danielson gotta fight all the Wyatts! Hold up something just caught my attention…

Broadus Clay jealous that Xavier Woods did his ‘One Won’t Do’ with the funkadactyls???? Is this the slow heel turn that y’all muthaf***az want???

Look w’happen… Broadus lost to Xavier Woods!!! And soon… he will lose his precious funkadactyls!!!

LAWWD HAVE MERCY It’s Sin Cara!!!! Where the rarse did they find him from???

Backside where are the storylines man???? Where are the jokes? You know what, while Bertie has his contest with Sin Cara, I’ll leave you with this commercial break and will be right back after I pay these bills… enjoy the view!!

Photo Courtesy of Anthony Cardenas!!

Photo Courtesy of Anthony Cardenas!!

I wasn’t even paying attention to Cena’s promo… I was admiring Renée Young, who told Zack Ryder last week that if he won the WWE & World title she would date him… Do you know how stupid she made you look Zack??? She would only have to look at the Infamous Strudel and she would wanna date me!

All I’m seeing is bare wrestling matches!!! (what’s wrong with that? You may ask?) It’s all well and good but I’m getting no jokes here! Apart from Dean Ambrose selling Big Show’s slaps in the chest!

The Shield amuse me, saying to CM Punk that he wouldn’t last 5 minutes with one of em???? NEWSFLASH – CM Punk has had epic battles with Jericho, Cena, The Rock, Undertaker, and Brock Lesnar! Trust me Shield, CM Punk is a tough muthaf***a! Don’t underestimate him just because he appears like a little dude! He ain’t the Best Inna de Wurl for nothing!

HA! HA! HA! HA! Punk Midas is a joker! He is rippin the p!$$ out of the creative team! It’s true – those match ups are WACK! They just throwing sh!t together because the Slammy jump off is the next week… I say fire the lot of em Steph!! I thought you wanted a team that did soap operas and sh!t!!!

Amongst the awards next week is the Total Diva of the year award… can you imagine if Eva Marie won???? The IWC would RIOT!!!!! Come on EVA MARIE! HAHAHA!

Now what? Miz & Kingston forced to team up again??? I’m not even gonna talk about this unless something funny happens…

My hero Mark Henry is gonna f**k up Fandango!!! Good god almighty – Summer Rae… whoever her boyfriend is needs to write a book.

HA! HA! HA! Mark Henry showing Summer Rae that he still got the sexual chocolate! Don’t fight it Summer…. you knew you were getting wet…

You know what he should have done??? Grab up Summer Rae…. and tell her straight – THAT’S WHAT I DO!!!! He said that to a kid on Smackdown last week – I was in stitches!!!

STC’s Lee Steadx is right at this time – the hatred that flows through my veins when I see Zeb Colter on-screen… I hate him like Blade hates vampires! Like Shredder hates the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, like women hate each other when they fight over a man!

Now that’s funny… no one wants Cesaro to do the giant swing on Titus O’Neill because he threw up all over the ring on Smackdown last time!

You mean to tell me the WWE Universe voted for the Unified Champion??? Blodclart! Y’all better design a new muthaf***!n belt!

OH NO TRIPLE TEEF IS HERE! Now there is bound to be jokes!!!

I just love how Triple TEEF is clapping with sincerity!!!! And Stephanie got the message that Randall is bigger than the WWE…. but he still doesn’t have the answers!

I also like how Triple named all the greats who have held both titles, which Stephanie ending it with “ the Game Triple H!!!” TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!!

Well both Randall and Cena put pen to paper, Randall talked about how he brukk up Cena over the years, Cena talked about how Randall became a spoilt b!tch, Tables, Ladders and Chairs all over that b!tch, they brough the ruckus! Beating each other down with the chairs and the ladders, but in the end – Cena with the FU to Orton through a table – BLAOW!!!! Holding both championships like he is gonna be the man!

Now the WWE are using the words unification. Now they guarantee one champion. But why do i have this chilling feeling that both guys will grab a belt, then Triple comes out and takes the both of em…. and claims it as HIS???!!! I’m sorry but when Stephanie emphasised that Triple held both titles… I couldn’t help but smell a rat!!!!










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