Monday Night Raw #1082: February 17, 2014

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The Infamous Informer

Ok straight up and down, I am refusing to read any spoilers or rumours that are WrestleMania related. I want to be surprised. But I was actually surprised by this rumour and this had me in stitches!

Now hold up – we haven’t gone back in time… or have we? Imagine that one Monday night… Vincent Kennedy says – “I have purchased Newcastle United Football Club??!!!” Yes people! That is the latest rumour. Imagine if Mike Cole, Lawler and Jay-Bee actually made joke of that on this weeks RAW!!! #1082 – HOLD DAT – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZYes Cena keep hyping the crowd with that Road to WrestleMania sh!t… We all know one thing – YOU AIN’T GOING MUTHAF***A!!!

Word is that Antonio Cesaro – had a wicked match with Randall on Smackdown… word is that they also shortened his name just to Cesaro… yeah whatever – HE’S THE MAN TO WATCH IN THE CHAMBER!!! And Cena – don’t be stealing lines from my dude Undertaker – he was the one who says don’t be writing cheques that your mouth be writing!

Oh I get it, everyone that’s in the chamber gotta come out and talk their sh!t!!! Ok all y’all lyrics didn’t impress me – stop your noise and fight!

Or maybe not… my hero Kane is here! and he’s still the D.O.O. Can’t the authority allow Kane to set people on fire????

Oh snap – Kane’s in charge??? That’s it – set the world on fire like U-God!!!

Wait a minute – Jay-Bee said – “popularity doesn’t win championships – TALENT wins championships”… so how do you explain Daniel Bryan who has BOTH???

Look at my hero Kane watching the Christian Vs Danielson match with a smile…as if he’s planning something… Yes Kane I know you can’t wait to put Danny’s body in the casket, shut the lid, set the sh!t on fire and have Triple BURY the remains…. THE GRANT SAYS – When did Undertaker give the relay baton to Triple and said – ‘Ok now you gotta bury people???’

Oh lawwd – Christian lost again??? He got no momentum going into the Chamber… not a good look for the kid who wants one more match…uh oh Kane is speaking…

Danny has to fight my hero Kane???? OH SNAP!!! This ain’t cool rude boy! Triple is definitely behind this!!!

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Is it me or does Stephanie in that poster above reminds me of Urotsukidoji cover??? Soz Steph didn’t mean to call you the Overfiend! You are so much prettier!!!

Urotsukidoji original

THAT IS TEEF!!! Kane’s job was to intentionally get disqualified and f**k up Daniel Bryan before the Chamber… anything to prevent him from winning the belt…

Here we go again… Fandango Vs Santino, Summer Rae and Emma in effect… I just found out that Emma looks up to Trish Stratus and Stone Cold Steve Austin as idols??? I’m sure Trish and certainly not Austin dance like that I’ll tell you that!

You see what happen when you flirt with gyal Santino? You lose!!!! You wait til you win… then you get on top of Emma!

Uh oh!! Roman you’re my dude but my ninja Mark Henry is out to put you in the Hall Of Pain…. THATS WHAT HE DO!!!

And just for no reason let’s throw in a pic of Renée Young… I cannot look at her and NOT have erotic thoughts in my head top…

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Oh Renée you so fine – Damn where’s the recipe – you make a n!**@ wanna GOD DAMN!!! Can you cook darling???

I love this sh!t!!! The Wyatts asking The Shield if they are willing to DIE for this sh!t!!! Why isn’t this for WrestleMania??? I’d take a wack Elimination Chamber for an epic ruckus between the Shield and the Wyatt man dem at big Big BIG WrestleMania XXX! You may not like the mind games the Wyatt man be doing, but it makes the anticipation more gripping! It’s like smelling the KFC… but you can’t afford to go in the shop to buy that goodness!

Listen to the crowd with this Kingston Vs Swagger match… GET OVER IT – stop chanting the bwoy name (CM Punk) he ain’t chanting ‘I MISS THE CROWD! I MISS THE CROWD!!!’ He’s waiting for AJ Lee to come home so he can feel on her big fat fanny, pull out the jammy and kill the punany… and his tingz go deep, so deep and put her @$$ to sleep like his super move!

Yeah whatever Wack Swagger – you may have beat Kingston but Big E Langston will f**k you up at the Chamber!

How the f**k is Zeb Colter gonna talk sh!t while Big E is in the ring fighting?? I know what I would do…. I say no more…

How dare Colter diss Big E about not knowing his history…. as it’s February, as its BLACK HISTORY??? Oh my god Big E – If you don’t f**k him up – I WILL!!!

You don’t understand my blood is boiling right now! That’s like Remy in Higher Learning telling Omar Epps that he’s nothing… I’m sure I was one of my ancestors in a past life who tore off his chains on the slave ship and beat down the devils before I was shot….

Shout out to Ron Simmons! They featured him on Black History month… he was my first favourite in WCW before Booker-T…

So let me get this right so I can understand this: Any next generation superstar that wants to make a name for themselves, gotta go through John Cena?

IWC Translation: If you can’t beat my fireman’s carry that is called the Attitude Adjustment then I am liable to help ‘bury’ you alongside my good fren Triple Teef!!!

Word??? John Cena on the Steve Austin Show??? Now THAT I wanna hear!

Backing Cesaro all the way on this one!!! If he can defeat Randall, he can defeat Cena! It can be done! He’s not invincible! He can stay down for 3!!!

Why the F**K is Swagger and Colter out there again? I understand giving Cesaro support, but if I was Big E Langston I’d come back down there and box down Colter! Yes I respect my elders but how can you respect somebody who has a problem with your Ethnicity???

Amazing counter techniques by John Cena and Cesaro!!!! Cesaro got out of the 5 moves of Doom… Cena countering the Giant Swing! That’s a bad omen yo!!! Crowd chanting THIS IS AWESOME!!! A superplex from the outside from Cesaro!!! BUMBACLART!!! Antonio Cesaro, I got a song for you and it goes like this…

BIG UPS!!! Cena won the match, but Antonio Cesaro has a unique set of skills… SKILLS, that can f**k up anyone at any given time!

Oh man Titus how are you gonna let Darren Young rip off your good trousers like that on Smackdown??? Darren of all people man!!! Sorry Daz, I gotta back my boy Titus at the Chamber… be fruitful and multiply. And if that’s what Titus supports then I support it too!!!

GRANT - BODY - P

Shout out to STC’s Anthony Cardenas – I think he’s on the money!!! He thinks Titus gonna brukk up Darren Young, go on to WrestleMania to fight Big E, which means Swagger is gonna LOSE the IC title fight at the Chamber! Now with Titus and Big E, I can’t call who will win!

We have seen Los Matadores on a winning streak since they come through… well it’s over for them because they got the Wyatt man dem!

Well not exactly… yes Los Matadores did lose… but they didn’t get pinned. Their partner Sin Cara got pinned… got hit with the Sister Abigail – BLAOW!!! (If they have lost a match then please forgive my ignorance – I don’t watch Main Event or Smackdown all the time… does Saturday Morning Slam still come on???)

Shout out to the dude in the background that holds the sign saying – JTG!!!

Seeing Jey Uso in action against Billy Gunn reminds me of Naomi…. damn you Aksana for taking out her eye like that… I know Naomi fine and all that but that doesn’t give you the excuse to have an imaginary d!ck and cum in her eye!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

This might mean that AJ Lee may not have to defend her title til WrestleMania… I bet AJ Lee is clocking up the days of her reign now! She is getting closer to that 434 that her boyfriend who the IWC calls ‘God’ achieved!

I’m glad that Ladies Favourite Randall TEEF Orton can point to the WrestleMania sign in confidence. It’s as good as set in stone that Randall and Batista a.k.a. Triple’s bredrin’s are headlining the milestone event… if Danny is not in that match as a triple threat…I suggest that WWE does NOT put the title match last…. TRUST ME. It’s Best For Bus… actually NO – It’s Best For THE FANS!

Well we do know one thing – the Randall Vs Sheamus match has a hard act to follow after that Cena vs Cesaro match! Why have I got a feeling that this match may end in chaos???

Random thought – the inevitable match between Randall & Batista at WrestleMania… what if Ric Flair becomes special guest referee??? That’s living proof that it’s #BestForBredrins!

Lawwd – Sheamus back gotta be brukk up now – back drop by Randall through the announce table – BLAOW!!!

Good to see that the crowd is still in it! Just that I heard a few more CM Punk chants… I’m so glad I’m an Undertaker fan – life would be miserable right now otherwise!

Hold up – I don’t get it – what injustice did Sheamus do make the Shield come out and attack? Now Cesaro and Cena are up in there! LAWWWD – The Wyatt man come out!!! Trust me – it’s Ruckus! It’s the Elimination Chamber! It’s Trillmatic!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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