There is no other intro to describe the opening of this weeks Raw. And so with that, let’s get into it.
RAW #1084… CHICAGO CALLING – JUDGMENT DAY!!!!
Even Paul Heyman believes Punk Midas deserves louder than that!!! Didn’t he get brukk up a few months ago???
Paul Heyman has actually crossed his legs in the ring!!! Now he’s telling the story of a man who the WWE thought couldn’t amount to a rarse!!! All that Hell In A Cell business don’t mean sh!t!!!! Has Paul Heyman turned face suddenly??? Who claims CM Punk is not in the building? The crowd are having NONE OF IT! Remember – Paul Heyman will lie between his teeth to authority! So he’s lying to the crowd right now!
WHAT????? Heyman points the blame at the fans???? Ok let me hear him out!!!! This could be true! He says that under Heyman, Punk was the longest reigning champion, and as soon as CM Punk became the IWC’s hero, Punk couldn’t do a rarse! Hang on – he blames The Undertaker???? For CM Punk’s short comings??? He wants revenge – he wants BRRRROOOCK LESNAR to end the streak!!! Now you and I know that is not gonna happen! Even the Undertaker chants have been drowned out by CM Punk!
Brock says the Undertaker is afraid of him… Undertaker is afraid of NOBODY I can assure you!!! And as for you Michael Cole…saying that Undertaker has never faced Brock Lesnar??? Have you conveniently forgotten 12 years ago???? GET IN THE CHAIR!!!!!
Hold up – Mark Henry still wants to test Brock Lesnar??? He’s my hero and everything, but he can’t manage him! That’s 3 times Mark Henry got f**ked up! F5 through the table – BLAAAOW!!!
You sure this is a PG show????
13,731 strong in the All State arena in Chicago chanting Punk Midas name regardless of who is in the ring!!!! Usos Vs New Age Outlaws for the tag titles… the match could be don, unless CM Punk shows his scrawny carcass, the fans don’t care! Or maybe they do! They are backing the Usos here!
I want to sympathize with STC member Andrew Theaker, he is tired of this CM Punk sh!t… but how can I do that when his hero is my nemesis – Dolph Ziggler??? This CM Punk sh!t means nothing to the Infamous Informer a.k.a. Wolverhampton’s Last Outlaw a.k.a. Grant Body -P!
The Chicago crowd, plus the WrestleMania sign, = the stars fighting their absolute BEST in the ring! The Usos have done enough to stop the crowd chanting Punk Midas!
LAWWWWWWWWWWWWD!!!! The Usos have done it! Jumping over the ring, tagging his partner, taking out Road Dogg, ducks Billy Gunn’s clothesline, kicks him down, climbs top ropes, dive off onto Billy’s carcass – BLAOW!!! NEW TAG TEAM TITLES!!!!
So that’s who that special guest is! He’s in that Need for Speed film!!! I wanna take this time to give a special birthday shout out to my lady Leanna Bergman, she is the Queen of Need For Speed, top of the online league table, big Wu-Tang fan. She’s my heart… Love you girl!!!!
Haha! Look at the announce table crew fixing up the table… Big E and Cesaro engage in wrestling competition and just like last week, Wack Swagger baits it up for Cesaro! Well The Grant Says this: there’s your Intercontinental jump off right there for WrestleMania! Swagger, Cesaro, Langston. That’s how the f**k they roll!
Raw is straight up Fast & Furious rude boy!!! The Shield. The Wyatt man dem. RETURN TO THE 36 CHAMBERS!!!! LET’S GO!!!
The match hasn’t started yet and the crowd are like ‘THIS IS AWESOME’!!!
BACKSIDE!! Luke Harper has new clothes!!!! Did the staff at Primark have a heart failure???
OH SNAP! Seth Rollins walked out on his Shield bredrin??? Can he do that??? Oh dear!
The announce table gets brukk up a second time!!!! Roman Reigns with the spear to Eric Rowan – BLAOW!!!
But it was the Sister Abigail to Dean Ambrose that ended the Armageddon… oh boy…
Do not forget the Chicago crowd is led by the sexiest cougar in wrestling history – Lisa Marie Varon!
Time to get ready to go to
@WWE Raw. Super excited to see everyone.
Ok Chicago crowd, Emma-lution and Summer Rae are fine as hell but you are free to chant Punk Midas…. I give you permission!!! I’m not down with that gimmick of Emma’s word up!
Wait a minute didn’t Tajiri used to do that spider move on the ropes? Looks so much better Summer Rae doing it! But Emma got the Emma-Lock on Summer Rae and she lose again!
Next match: Sheamus Vs Christian, continuing their rivalry… I feel bad for you guys… that’s all I’m saying!
The crowd are so fickle, one minute they are into the match, then they saying ‘this is awful’, then they cheering Sheamus, then they chanting for Philip…. mek up yuh mind nuh man???!!!
Even after Sheamus victory, Christian still assaulted Sheamus backstage… yep – they gonna fight at WrestleMania… I doubt it will be normal match here!
It’s not often that I back the Bella Twins but I will on this occasion… that Aksana took my girl Naomi out the game, she must suffer a thousand deaths!!!! Only joking Aksana I love you but you are in my bad books right now!
Well done Nikki for pinning Alicia Fox – but Aksana was the target!!! What you doing girl??!!! No matter… on with the show!
WWE are serving justice right now! Is this kiss the fans @$$ Raw? Our hero Danny Bryan goes up against the evil, EVIL BATISTA!!!! Talk about hostility!!!! Even John Cena has to pray for Batista here!!!
OH SNAP!!! Danny just said ‘WE ARE GONNA HIJACK RAW!’ Danny must have heard about the twitter account that opened called @HijackRaw!
Uh oh!!!!! Here comes TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEF!!! You know he’s gonna get booed out the building! Just don’t boo Stephanie please!!! Then again they might call Stephanie a Slut like attitude era days!
He still wants to f**k up Triple at WrestleMania! And Triple is like NAH!!! The crows are calling Triple an @$$hole!!!! F**K that – you want the attitude era back? Just go to Chicago!
Now Stephanie is on it like – WE MADE DANNY!!! OH SNAP!!! Danny just killed it! Why doesn’t Stephanie put on some wrestling trunks and challenge at WrestleMania and Triple put on a skirt!!! OH SH!T!!!
This is wild YO! Triple tells Danny to get out of his ring, Stephanie calls for Kane, Danny rushes him! Security comes out! BLODCLART! Is this a PG show??!!!!! Danny let me tell you a secret, you have to physically assault Triple or even Stephanie to get him to fight you…. or compare him to Shawn Michaels… that usually works! Ask Undertaker!
Ok so this Need For Speed dude drives into the ring with this fool Dolph Ziggler, the crowd is going crazy… don’t know why… Ziggler ain’t sh!t, and I hope Bertie brukks him up!
Dammit, Bertie let the battybwoy win, thanks to that Need For Speed dude Aaron Paul… yeah anyway…. Hall of Fame time!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.