The Jobber Blogger #93 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 27/2/14


The Jobber Blogger

Oh yes indeedy, it’s been a weird Week. It all started last Monday night when I awoke with bad stomach cramps and proceeded with Sickness and Diarrhoea the likes you dream about. Not that you spend your time dreaming about being ill, though in a similar related manor my dream last night was about IGN’s own Colin Moriarty. For some reason I was on my way to visit him and he lived in these towering apartment bloks. He lived near the very top and the only way to get close was to use this elevator like a Window Cleaners moving platform to scale the building. Obviously and most conveniently this lift only went to about 3 levels below that of Colin’s apartment, so to get any higher you needed to construct a Ladder which consisted of multiple little wooden blocks that screwed together. So having a dream where I’m climbing this flimsy wooden ladder up the side of this enormous building balancing on a window cleaners platform…. not fun.

What was rather fun was this week’s TNA: Impact! Impact Wrestling LogoTNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 27/2/14

The last show of February, and I really can’t wait to get back to the states. I know I mentioned how awesome the British crowds are, and they are. But after a while you feel like you’re just stuck in this endless void of time. They were in the UK for a matter of days… why has it been over a Month and they’re still showing this programming. I hate taped shows.

I believe there is one last show from the UK and then it’s Lockdown, thank god! And then on to bigger and better things. Finding the enthusiasm for TNA at times can take more effort than to Write this blog.

MVP kicked off the show with a little nod to Gunner who will “get his title shot” as soon as MVP is in charge. But of course first things first is indeed the chocolate starfish, is my man Fred Durst. Magnus and Joe will Main Event Lockdown, and MVP had the contracts in hand to confirm it. No Magnus rules this time, no it’s “Joe’s Rules!” I want to ask my work if I can include a “Dan’s Rules” in my new contract. I don’t really have anything to request, I just like the mention of my name as it soothes my growing ego. Joe’s Rules are Win only by Submission or Knock Out. No escaping the cage or Pin falls. Of course this already sets the stage for Lockdown and some phoney way of Joe being knocked out. The second they add a stipulation which gives leverage and wiggle room for a Heel win… you know who is going to win.

Speaking of winning though, Dixie apparently was winning this week, as she wasn’t in attendance from London, quite simply Magnus just reminded her it was London, and she skipped the show. A Wise Woman. I remembered the show was from London and contemplated not watching.

So yes Joe Head-Butted Magnus ala Joe and Angle’s face off, only much less meaningful and relevant… also Joe looked much more out of shape.  Like being head-butted by a Whale in Street Clothes… don’t tell him I wrote that.

Bromans vs. Bad Influence vs. The Wolves

In spite of Dixie’s absence, she gave Bobby Roode a hint of Power, and nope, not a Power Bar! roode power bar 1Old Habits

 With Bad Influence and The Bromans begging to be placed on Team Roode at Lockdown, he gave them both a chance by competing in a Triple Threat Tag-Team Match with The Wolves.

The Wolves also wore the Belts to the ring, selling their recent victory on a house show… in America. So the physics of Time and Space were well and truly bent as TNA travelled back to America for a week, before coming back to the UK… no surprise people think they’re bad with money.

Poor Robbie E and Jesse had to lose their belts before actually losing them. What?

The Wolves and Bad Influence controlled the majority of the Match, no bad thing given that having these teams go, is fantastic. Though yet again sells the legitimacy of Bad Influence short. Sure we have Taz talk them up on Commentary, but they are the team who lose, despite always being strong in story lines.

To make matters worse they never gave Robbie E or Jesse the chance to Tag in. Until the ending where Robbie E whom was in a different corner to that of his team, blind tagged his way in and won the match. Is it bad it bugs me was allowed the Tag, from the Wrong Corner? What is the point of Tag-Ropes if you don’t need to use them?

Realism people! How am I supposed to believe these Wrestling Ref’s are so far up their own arse’s that they throw the Heels from Ring-Side, are stupidly blind to the Face’s Tag-Team’s, so strong ethic that they don’t let the slightest thing slide for the Faces, but the Heels get away with the exact same tricks, every time! Then they can Tag from the wrong corner!!! And win!?Arghh!!! TNA! TNA! TNA!

Not only does that put the Bromans in Lethal Lockdown, but it puts Bad Influence out of the picture. This is bad because Roode is the captain.. having EGO in that match makes sense? They made it to the end of the Bound for Glory Series via teamwork. Why would Roode pick the team who lose, purely because they won with a fluke victory? Crazy people!

Ethan Carter the Third vs. Doug Williams

EC3 also had Power to once again chose his opponent. And to his credit he chose on the best Wrestlers there is. England’s own Doug Williams. Still a little sore that TNA let him go in the first place. Having him Job to EC3 made it slightly worse. Doug didn’t seem to be as “spot on” as he once was, but having EC3 get away with a Low blow in front of Hebner, and then hit the One Percenter and win was a little grim.

Least he didn’t win cleanly. And it was nice seeing Doug back, albeit it briefly… once.

i doug itThe Cowboy James Storm didn’t waste any time and called out Gunner. Which is awesome, I like it when we have Heels who don’t just run and hide. Of course all of this boils back to when Gunner pushed Storm out of the way to climb over him and win the shot at the World Championship. They skimmed over the “saving him from Bobby Roode” towel throwing. Apparently Gunner handing him the Tag-Belts was the icing that broke the Camel’s back.

Ice CamelStorm threw a couple shots at Gunners background as a Marine “nobody would miss you” I guess we can’t have a Heel turn without someone being spoiled and whining a little with name calling. More to the point why does Storm have to “explain” anything, he hates him, simple, kick his ass, fight!

A little later on in the show and Storm and Gunner broke out in a Parking Lot Brawl which of course was broken up by that pesky Al Snow who gets involved in everything. And now we have another match for Lockdown, which should be pretty good. Not to mention Storm makes a good Heel, one week in and he’s the most exciting he’s been for a long time.

Bad Bones vs. Samoa Joe

…..bitch please!

Kurt Angle – Hall of Fame

Yes, finally Angle is inducted into the Hall of Fame. Why this happened? Who knows. Well aside from TNA’s bragging rights over WWE. At least with Sting they went to the effort of making it meaningful, giving him a Video Package, getting a room booked, getting Wrestlers to turn up and make speeches. Kurt, it’s a story line, it sucked, he gets a crappy watch, rattles of a load of Crap I don’t believe and limps away.

Hell, the highlight was that the TNA Hall of Fame logo was perfectly placed on JB’s Crotch.

JB Hall of FameAngle said the same crap you’d expect him to say “The TNA hall of fame is about the fans” and he couldn’t have done any of this without the fans, and TNA wouldn’t exist without the fans. And blah blah blah. I found it a little disturbing to find out that Kurt’s wife is his Rock. Kurt wife rockUnfortunately I didn’t find it moving, or meaningful, TNA’s World Championship isn’t recognised as a World title, why would their Hall of Fame be any different, it’s ridiculous enough as it is. Who is going to go in it next year…. Don West? Who else is there?

To make matters worse EC3 then crashed the segment, reading Angle’s doctors note about his injury, and that EC3 ended Kurt’s Career. Kurt did the scripted “No Tear!” in his knee speech and punched EC3. But after years of watching Kurt perform, I’ve never seen him in more pain than he was in this whole segment. He struggled to walk… Kurt Angle… struggling to walk. It was awkward to watch, punching EC3 seemed like a bad idea given his unstable position. But yet, Angle’s next match will be at Lockdown. This could be like his match last year with Wes… so non eventful. Or he could do something crazy and injure himself even more. He’s apparently already said he’s not going to re-sign with TNA, and expects to be back in the WWE by the end of the year.

Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky vs. Lei’D Tapa and Alpha Female


I don’t know if I am supposed to think The Beautiful People have reunited. Given their entrance together, but it’s just not the same without Angelina.

I don’t know what word describes this match better than “Disappointed”. Lei’D Tapa still hasn’t been let off the leash, and what we saw of the Alpha Female was a clear sign of she’s where she is, because of her look. Coz she certainly didn’t do anything well in the ring. Which is more annoying because Tapa quite clearly can Wrestle, and yet she’s not allowed to do anything currently.

And what is worse than all of that, is that Gail helped Tapa win. Gail Kim…. helped the team of Lei’D Tapa and the Alpha Female win. They needed help?

What kind of crappy ass debut is it that this huge beast of a woman, teamed with this even huger beastier of a woman, can’t defeat two little skinny blonde girls, one of which can’t even run the ropes. Yet another wasted debut from a credible talent.

This also puts Gail vs. Madison at Lockdown, and yes, every match is contested in a Steel Cage again… about time.

Samuel Shaw hit the ring to show people that he’s not creepy, and he is purely “misunderstood” and his Quote was quite fitting “To be great, is to be misunderstood”. Works for me, clearly they’re going for a more Dexter look, but I think he looks more like Odo from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Odo ShawNot a bad casting, now they can make another addition to the TNA: Deluxe Impact wrestling figures, given they’ve already included Commander Riker from Next Generation.

Commander RikerShaw actually had some pretty decent music, so I hope his push continues to somewhere interesting. Anderson didn’t waste much time before he confronted Odo, and quickly got the crowd chanting “Creepy Bastard” at Shaw.

Shaw called Christy Hemme “easy” which resulted in a good old fashioned slap in the face, and Anderson was in to save the day. Well, save by being locked in Shaw’s pretty impressive looking submission hold. Given Anderson is a little more fuzzy in the face, they both dressed the same, looked the same, and from a Distance there was a typical “which one do I shoot?” moment?

Flexo shoot flexoBobby Roode vs. MVP – Austin Aries special Referee

Roode and MVP have been trying to recruit Aries to their Team, and so in the end given it’s a game of Trust, Aries got MVP to make him special guest referee, to judge for himself as to which team he wants to represent.

Aries’ novelty “No trousers” attire soon wore off and became uncomfortable to watch, which I am sure is exactly what he was going for.

However the ending was the selling point, MVP lining up Roode ran full force, as Aries connected with a Spinning Forearm taking down the Charging MVP. Roode hits the….. Roode Bomb… And bob’s your neighbour, once removed, who got arrested for peeping at you through his curtains.

I am Team Roode. I’m also sick of all this Dixie nonsense, but Roode and Aries represent TNA, MVP doesn’t. Makes sense.

James Storm could align with Roode, another TNA original. Samoa Joe, maybe not. But you never know.

 Roode power bar 2Die Hard

I have no idea if MVP will win or Roode will, but I am invested and interested  to find out. Quickly moving on to next week’s show from London, then back to the states!

Huzah, Hurray, Hairy Man.

Till then,

Dan Wilkinson

TNR Cover 12 (w facebook address)