Monday Night Raw #1085: March 10, 2014!!!

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The Infamous Informer

Judgment Day has passed. I have seen the results. Now the fans have started to turn their back on whom they once called their hero…. but let’s pull up a little bit. That pipe bomb he dropped, he basically told you that he DOES NOT GIVE A F**K… Do you need me to bring up the speech? I’ll just draw a little excerpt of it…

“Oh, hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just the biggest part of me leaving as anything else, because you’re the ones that are sipping out of those collector cups right now; you’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of, and then at 5:00 in the morning at the airport, you try and shove it in my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job!
I’m leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17 (2011), and hell, who knows? Maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe I’ll go back to Ring of Honor. [Waves to camera] Hey, Colt Cabana, how you doing? The reason I’m leaving is you people because after I’m gone, you’re still gonna pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel, the wheel’s gonna keep turning and I understand that…”

There it is!!! RIGHT THERE!!! He left, you still brought the WWE Network. You’re still buying merchandising, you ordered big BIG WrestleMania XXX. Who’s the real winner in this? YOU??? Our Survey Says…. FAIL! Until he does decide to come back and surprise the hell out of you all, LEFF DE BWOY ALONE. IT’S OVER. DEAL WITH IT LIKE BATISTA. (Thank God I’m an Undertaker fan…)

Now let’s get back to what’s really good! RAW #1085! HOL’DAT – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZRight as announced last week, Hulk Hogan has something that he wants to tell us. So let’s the original dan gargon speak! Don’t boo him IWC! That’s rude!!!

So hold up… there’s gonna be a 30-man battle royal for the André The Giant memorial trophy at Big BIG WRESTLEMANIA???? Something about Battle Royals and ladders and WrestleMania make that so magical… and Hulk Hogan has pulled another one out the bag!

Record skip!!!!! John Cena has entered his name in the 30 man battle royal??? Wh-wh-wh-what about John Cena Vs Bray Wyatt???? So much for all these internet claims! Now we know who’s gonna win that muthaf***a!!!!

OH SNAP!!! THEY’RE HERE!!!

Coming out in their Hawaiian shirt and their lantern and his rocking chair… the Wyatt man running down Cena & Hogan about their false sh!t, but turns around and calls himself a god???? First Jay-Bee, then CM Punk, now Bray Wyatt??? Wh-wh- JESUS HAVE MERCY!!! Thank God Cena changed his mind, now he wants to brukk up Bray at WrestleMania!!! Ok guys we can stop panicking!

Hold up – Cena just defeated Luke Harper in a roll up pin! YES – not an AA, Not the five move of doom… none of that sh!t!

Gotta say this is a moment for generations, for the kids, Cena and for us growing up, Hulk Hogan… all they need now is the Great One himself….shame they can’t work out a quick plan for him to appear at WrestleMania XXX like he promised?

STC WrestleMania 30 Poster

Oh lawwwwwd The Authority just called Batista an A+ playa???? Even I as a Batista fan has to disagree there as far as Batista’s spear move at least!!! Now they want Danny to apologize for his actions last week? We all know that’s not gonna happen… there’s more chance of Danny getting in the chair by order of Vincent Kennedy than him apologizing to the authoritaah! Remember what I told you Danny… all you gotta do is mention Shawn Michaels and you will get what you want!

So Ryback wants to put his name in the hat for that 30 man jump off at Wrestlemania XXX? Makes sense if you ask me – he best win that muthaf***a! He ain’t won sh!t since he made it ‘big’! One thing I can say: At least WWE have shown a remedy for the large abundance of talent!

… and Drybaxel lose again!!!! Maybe I should change my mind about Ryback winning the battle royal… remember back in the day? When Ryback would brukk up two, even three-man at once??? Now he can’t manage the Usos??? HA! HA!

Loving that segment with my hero Kane and The Shield… telling them to exercise their demons – key word – DEMONS against the Rhodes Brudda… I liked how the Shield twisted the whole ‘Demon’ thing on my hero!!! Particularly Roman Reigns…. Hmmmm… it’s a long shot but is it WWE’s way of twisting up storylines? Maybe have Roman Reigns fight my hero Kane? F**k that – I’m just gonna watch this thing like everybody else…Isn’t it funny how back in the day the Shield used to brukk up Kane and put him through tables?

Hold up – Big E is jumping in the 30 man jump off too??? Er…. what about the Intercontinental title defense???? You see Big E I have to ask these things because my nemesis (IWC) want to know – they like to see championships defended and if not it becomes a problem…

MIKE DOGG THE PHENOMI’m glad the commentators corrected themselves when they said Brock Lesnar has never been in the ring with Undertaker….at WRESTLEMANIA!

Big ups to Paul Heyman for breaking the streak down and comparing it to other guys like Hogan, Austin, Cena and Edge who had a streak… but also  lying to the Undertaker like that by saying – ‘he worships him and the streak’???? No you don’t Heyman! Last week you crossed your legs in the ring and said you want to see the streak brukk!!! So Mr Messenger Walrus! Go back and tell the one who banging Sable on a regular that if he shows up at New Orleans he’s gonna get BUSS ARSE STRAIGHT UP!

I was wondering how long it would take for the Memphis fans to chant CM Punk’s name… thankfully it didn’t last very long either… matter of fact I’ve got a tune for you CM Punk fans, and it goes a lil’ something like this….sing along if you know the words…

Deep down you know it’s best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of Punk being with someone else
But you know that It’s Over
You know that it was through Make it burn, Make it burn…make it BURRRRRRRRN!!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Well the Shield mans dem held it down against the Rhodes Brudda… exercising the demons just like what my hero Kane told em to do!

Hold up – Natalya just said that everybody talking about Total Divas???? I know it starts up next week, I’m a big fan but girl – NOBODY ain’t talking about that sh!t!!!

Gotta big her up though, she just said on commentary – ‘Enough is Enough and it’s time for a change’ as in we need a new divas champion…. see what she did there???

OH SNAP!!!! Nikki Bella just used that torture rack move on AJ Lee and beat her!!! Walking round like that Diva’s title belongs to her while Natalya looks on??? So much for my AJ Lee Vs Tamina WrestleMania prediction!

I rate Renée Young interviewing LL Cool J right there… it’s a wonder he didn’t lick his lips at her on some Doin’ It, Doin’ It, Doin’ It Well sh!t!!!

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Renée: “If you could pick a WWE superstar to join your NCIS team who would you pick?”

LL: “I’d pick the Bella Twins… I gotta couple of missions for em….”

DUTTY BWOY!!!!! I’m sure you have LL!!!!

OH SNAP! Danny and the Yes movement are going to plan to occupy Raw… ‘What does he mean?’ asks Jay-Bee? Er… what he means is that the Memphis crowd… which happens to be a legion of dorks in Danny Bryan shirts have taken over the ring and no wrestling match is running until Triple says YES to Danny’s WrestleMania challenge! Is it me or is that WWE’s sly way of trolling the IWC? HA! HA! Holy crap!!!! This is actually next level!!! And he didn’t use the name Shawn Michaels!!! Oh here they come!!! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEF!!

They have 30 seconds to comply!!! Oh dear look w’happen! Send for the security! Er only 2???? Is that all you got??? Lawwwd Stephanie BEXXX! They disrespected the McMahon name!!! WROOOOOOOY!!!! Where’s Vincent Kennedy???!!!!

OH SNAP!!! I JUST MARKED OUT LIKE A B!TCH!!!!! YES I’M TYPING IN CAPITALS BECAUSE I CAN! I’M THE INFAMOUS INFORMER!!! NOW TRIPLE HAS ACCEPTED DANNY’S CHALLENGE!!! BUT DANNY WAS NOT DUN! HIM SEH – IF DANNY BRUKKS HIM UP, HE GOES INTO THE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH TOO!!! TRIPLE BACK OFF JACKET!!! WROOOOOY!!! WAS THIS WHAT TRIPLE MEANT WHAT HE SAID TO DANNY BACKSTAGE BACK IN THE SUMMER???? CM WHO???? GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!!!

Sketch courtesy of STC member Lee Steadx

Ok where are all you haters? All you doubters that said you are gonna stream WrestleMania XXX? I liked how Mike Cole described the situation as the ‘Caviar’!!!

Now the Memphis Crowd has gone hype as we enter the Memphis street fight between Sheamus and Christian! Guitars are destroyed! Chairs all over the shop! Drums are being banged! Kendo sticks are swinging! I bet The Honky Tonk Man and Jeff Jarrett are fuming right now!!!

..and after all that Christian got brukk up! Brogue Kick through the drum into Christian’s grill – BLAOW!!!!

Triple and Steph are so bex that they have left the building!!! Maybe they need to let off some steam… maybe they’re off for a quickie… it’s usually the remedy for situations like this! Can you believe that some wrestling fans are STILL not excited for this WrestleMania sh!t in some FB wrestling groups?? That’s it – last straw… I am taking myself out of those groups… y’all too miserable. You wanted Danny in the title match, you wanted Danny to kick down Triple, now you get both, and you’re still complaining? You wanted The Shield Vs The Undertaker??? What Danny just done, Philip could NEVER DO…. MAKE IT BURN MUTHAF***A!

I GET IT!!! Now I know who’s gonna win that 30 man jump off! It’s this man right here! Alexander Yusef!!! That Lana – F**********K!!!! look how her blouse & skirt tight up! I love that sh!t!!! That would make my super sperm shoot out like a super soaker!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Now the main event has started, Danny & Big Show Vs Randall & Batista!

Jay-Bee says don’t believe in miracles, but Danny just dropped the Dragon Knee on Randall – BLAOW!!! He manages to do that to Triple at big BIG WRESTLEMANIA – it’s worries for Randall and Batista!

THE GRANT SAYS THIS: The day after the Royal Rumble, I actually phoned in to Mike Knoxxx Perfect Plex show on BDSIR NETWORK. That night, Mike Knoxxx asked me if WWE can fix this mess they made. I said an emphatic – YES. ladies & gentlemen, WWE have FIXED IT. Now I’m gonna delete myself out of those miserable wrestling groups… they are doing me no favours.

OFFICIAL SMACK TALK CENTRE THEME TUNE FOR WRESTLEMANIA XXX!!!

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GRANT BODY – P!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

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