Monday Night Raw #1087: March 24, 2014!!!

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The Infamous Informer

Straight up and down, let’s give it up and say Happy Born Day to my dude, The DON of DONS,  21-0 and soon to be 22-0 at big BIG WRESTLEMANIA: The True Master: THE UNNNNDERRRRTAKERRRRRR!!!

That’s my dawg! THAT’S MY DAWG!

Ok enough of that sh!t!!! I got my Chocolate Digestive biscuits, and my cup of tea when the diva dem come on! RAW #1087!! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZWhat a beautiful smile on Stephanie’s face!!! Yet she so evil! That’s my moms hero! RECORD SKIP – No Danny Bryan this week???? GETTHE F**KOUTTAHERE! Maybe he’s gonna come with the beer truck like in 1999!

GWARN Stephanie!!! Tell them!!! The fans need to be led with someone with intellect! Those CM Punk chants won’t help you!!!

That’s better! Chant Danny’s name!!! Where’s Vincent Kennedy when you need him? He would say “SHUDDUP WHEN I’M TALKING!!!”

Is it me or his Batista’s mic a bit mash-up??? YES IT WAS! Oh dear! Even the Mic knows Batista has no mic skills!

Then again I take it back! Batista says Stephanie has been drooled on a LOT!!! Yeah I was drooling too! What did 5 fingers say to the face Batista? SLAP!!!! Randall is deddin! Not for long – spear to Randall – BLAOW!!!

Wait a minute – Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine is in the house? Does that include Daphne? Last time I check – Daphne got the hots for John Cena! Nikki Bella ain’t gonna like that! Daphne was there throwing her pu$$y at Cena like that…. THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!

STC WrestleMania 30 Poster

Fatal four-way jump off!!! Winner fights Big E for the Intercontinental Championship…er wait, at WrestleMania??? Well in that case, I don’t want my dude Sheamus to win then… I do want him to kick Ziggler in his teeth just like Tamina did to Nikki Bella!!!

OH SNAP!!! Did you wrestling trainspotters see this????

CREDIT: Jazz Kumar at Powerbomb Pro Wrestling News

Batista you’re my dude but that’s what you get for wearing skinny jeans you dyam arse!

Damn this fatal 4 way contest is crazy! Even I gotta say that even with that fool Ziggler in effect! This changes NOTHING!!! I still hate that muthaf***a!

YES CHRISTIAN! PIN THAT BATTYBWOY ZIGGLER! Christian Vs Big E at Main Event! F**K YOU ZIGGLER FANS!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

NO!!!! Bray Wyatt singing the Whole World In His Hands!!! Brilliant!!! Cena you are in trouble now! You have a right to be scared of this muthaf***a! RUN!!!

Oh my days Scooby Doo is here for real! With Sin Cara!!! Shout out to Anthony Cardenas – they could have let JTG wrestle here, like how it’s in his hometown of Brooklyn??? And the fans are chanting for Philip!!! Yo fans I have a question – WHY???

UNBELIEVABLE! If you didn’t see Smackdown, What if I told you, that the Shield got DESTROYED by The New Age Outlaws and My hero Kane??? You wouldn’t believe me, would you? That has to be a match at big BIG WrestleMania surely!

UH-OH!!! During a contest between Los Matadores and Rybaxel… look who turns up… THE SHIELD!!! RYBAXEL YUH GOOSE COOK NOW!

How many times this make for Ryback to be f**ked up by the Shield??? Triple powerbomb into the canvas – BLAOW!!!!!

Instead of having a weekly interview on WWE.Com, we get to see a live interview with Michael Cole and TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!!

BIG UP TRIPLE TEEF!!! Taking shots at the Internet Wrestling Community in this interview! He sees apathy… I see it too! Back in the day, Triple would use the hammer but guys like Cactus Jack, The Rock, Undertaker and Stone Cold would fight back this evil! These days, people would cry like a B!TCH!!!! People are crying like B!TCHES over WrestleMania, even after they got what they want – Danny possibly in the main event… I co-sign with Mike Knoxxx of the BDSIR Network when he says y’all need revoke your wrestling fan cards because that’s what you are… A B!TCH!!!!  We don’t need you! Go and watch Big Brother… That’s more appropriate for your B!TCH @$$!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Talking of b!tches, Summer Rae may act like a B!TCH on Total Divas, but I’d still tapMIKE DOGG THE PHENOMdat @$$! Get between her sexy legs and ramm it inna her!

Look pon this! Goldust taking the p!$$ out of Summer Rae, and w’happen, Summer twiss up her ankle… what a shame, you want me fix it for you girl? I’d twiss up more than your ankle…. and twist your back out too girl!

This could be the one time we may never hear the blasted CM Punk chant, when Hulk Hogan is out here!

I though for a split second that Arnold Schwarzenegger was doing the Vincent Kennedy walk! Yo Arnie? You still got that WWF Title?

Hold up – Arnie and his bredrin wants in the Battle Royal??? But…but….but…!!!! Well he did box down Triple!

Maybe Arnie has another box left in him! YES! BOX DOWN THE MIZ! Him too outta order and bright!!! About ‘You don’t belong here’!!!! Feisty wretch! Him nuh read the news? Nobody talking about his dumb @$$ at WrestleMania XXVII… hell – NO ONE TALKS ABOUT WRESTLEMANIA XXVII!!!

Interesting – WWE still endorsing The Rock and his Hercules movie… something tells me we haven’t seen the last of the great one… not saying that we will see him at big BIG WrestleMania this year…

While the Big Show battles Titus O’Neill, the crowd thought it was a good idea to chant the name of he who doesn’t care… Well the people’s champion did tell you…

Meme courtesy of STC admin - Ian Cooper

Yo have you heard that new track dedicated to the Wyatt man them by my dude Consequence? The tune is DON! Yo this is RePPiN4U: Represent the Real Hip Hop… this tune is crazy!

That should be their WrestleMania theme tune word up!!!

Damn the fans don’t like Cena very much do they? Still chanting Fruity Pebbles and sh!t, fully backing Luke Harper! When Cena was washing his face him start hallucinating the buzzard mask behind him, like when Randall did it in 2005 and he thought Undertaker was standing behind him…

Come on Cena!!! You can manage Luke Harper surely! That’s a nice twist in the crowd! The guys are like ‘LET’S GO HARPER!’ the kids are like ‘HARPER SUCKS!’ that’s cool!!

OH SH!T!!!! THAT IS F**KED UP AND AWESOME! The Wyatts turned out the lights, next thing you know Cena is tied up in the ropes and they put the buzzard mask on him!! BLODCLART!!!!! YO JAY!!!! I bet he’d be marking the f**k out when he saw that!

OH YEAAAH!!!! Funkadactyl time!!! Grantie’s Angels!!! Look at their attire! Why haven’t they posed for Black Men’s Magazine yet??? Never mind AJ Lee’s 281 day reign…

OH NO!! This might be the most f**ked up Divas title match at WrestleMania ever! AJ gotta defend her title against every single diva??? I WIN AGAIN!! I’m looking forward to this sh!t! Did you see the look on my Tamina’s face when she found out she’s in the match? Who am I backing??? I back all of em!!! OH YEAH!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

BIG UPS TO THE LATEST HOF INDUCTEE!!! RAZOR RAMON!!! Yes I heard you IWC Dickheads questioning Ramon’s achievements… I throw my toothpick at you muthaf***az… SHUUDUP!!! Just like Jake The Snake… he went to Yoga Rehab and come back powerful! MY NINJA! SALUTE!

razor ramon hof

Hold up – Seth Rollins paying homage to Eddie Guerrero with the three amigo suplex!

Yo JAY-BEE – I notice how you mention everybody birthdays apart from one man… I suppose that’s part of his gimmick, like Undertaker is not supposed to celebrate a birthday…

GUN SHOT BY JAY-BEE!!! Michael Cole says that Dean Ambrose is the longest running US Champion, and Jay-Bee says ‘well yeah because he doesn’t defend it!!!’ echoing what the fans have said for months now!

That was a superb tag team contest between the Shield and the Real Americans! Seth Rollins once again the superstar! But The Shield nah dun! Them grab hol’ of Cesaro, set up the announce table – Triple Powerbomb through that b!tch – BLAOW!!!!

LOOK PON THIS! My hero Kane and the New Age Outlaws – IN SUITS!!! It’s the Authority vs the Swat Team at WrestleMania! I expect RUCKUS!!!!

Oh well no sign of JTG… never mind Cardenas, there’s always the Battle Royal!

So Brock Lesnar is sporting a new shirt – Eat, Sleep, Break the Streak!!! NEVERRRRR!

Paul Heyman can always talk that sh!t all day… but Brock is like – ENOUGH OF THAT SH!T! LET’S FIGHT!

Undertaker’s like – I built this casket for you muthaf***a! When you see the druids, you know sh!t got serious! Undertaker is f**k!n with Brock right now! Open the casket if you’re bad BROCK!

OH SNAP! Nobody inna deh! Did you ever think Brock would get shook??? Yes the mighty Brock Lesnar could have doo-doo going down his leg… The casket lid close, it open back… OH SNAP! the Undertaker’s in it! THAT’S HOW TO DELIVER A MESSAGE!

#VOCAREADREGNUM!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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