Monday Night Raw #1089: April 7, 2014!!!

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The Infamous Informer

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Probably the most shocking, heartbreaking and distraught vision that may be etched in the minds of wrestling fans the world over. But as General of the Undertaker Million Man March, I, the Infamous Informer say we must overcome this people… I didn’t want the streak to end either, but if that is Undertaker’s wish, we have to respect it. Never mind all this ‘part-time’ crap, and all you d!ckheads with your fake @$$ sites talking about Brock changed the script at the last-minute, my fellow Undertaker fans don’t need you parasites. SHUT THE F**K UP. And oh yeah, to you attitards talking about ‘I’m not watching WWE again’ then be about it and SHUT THE F**K UP. F**K Off in your trapped in your attitude era ways. The guys of the attitude era want to move forward and don’t want it back so why should you??? DUMB RARSE!

Has this overshadowed Danny Bryan’s triumph??? Maybe… but let’s be real. WrestleMania XXX did what I said it was gonna do: CHANGE THE GAME. This is a new era people, with Undertaker or no Undertaker, I am excited to see what lies ahead.

IT’S THE JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN!!! RAW #1089, HOL’DAT – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZLet’s start this sh!t with the new don!!! Danny Bryan – UNDISPUTED WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! And that TRIPLE TEEF tried to hold him down… he was that dude that just like Jay-Z, Stone Cold Steve Austin and even Undertaker, that he wouldn’t amount to sh!t, Danny kept going and defeated the evil Triple Teef, and went on to overcome Randall and Batista, thus, taking out Evolution minus Ric Flair in one night! WHAT A TING EH!!!! DROP THE BOMB ON EM!!!!

Look at the new championship belt!!! He got the YES emblems pon it!!! GWARN DANNY!

Here comes the evil Triple TEEF!!!! He must be BEXXXXXX!!!!!!

Stephanie looking sexy as ever! The crowd calling Triple an @$$hole, will he strip Danny of the titles?

NO! WORSE THAN THAT!!! HE WANTS TO FIGHT DANNY AND TAKE THE TITLES HIMSELF! HE CAN’T DO THAT! (I think you find he can Grant… he’s the bossman!!!) TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!

Say what??? Team up Batista & Orton to take the tag titles from the Uso brudda? And did Triple just hint at an Evolution 2.0.???? OH MY GOD NO!!!

OH SNAP! THEY’RE HERE!! Shout out to STC Member Manuel Gamage a.k.a. Winston Wyatt! He won the fancy dress competition! I felt it should have went to Susan Brunton, what’s more freaky than a Wyatt? a FEMALE WYATT! She had the lantern and everything!!!! Posing with a Cena dude at the STC gathering!

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The Wyatt Man Dem! Sheamus! John Cena! Big E Langston! BRING THE MUTHAF***!N RUCKUS!

Gotta say that smashed it at WrestleMania and now here on Raw, the crowd singing “He’s got the whole world in his hands…!”

F**K!N BRILLIANT!!! When Bray Wyatt does that creepy move, the crowd are like – WYATT’S GONNA KILL YOU!!! Can this crowd outdo the New Jersey crowd last year???

Ok so let me get this right so I can understand this: Fandangoing is back, and now this Bo Dallas dude from NXT is coming through too? No Ascension??? (WAIT GRANT we still in the first hour!)

And we still watching this Fandango Vs Santino AGAIN??? The only thing good about this sh!t is Emma-lution and Summer Rae at ringside! Poor Santino, he wanted to put it in Emma, and she friend zoned his @$$… not tempted by the Italian Stallion Emma? She’s gonna become another of those silly girls that wants a ‘bad guy’….

Is this the most hated man in the WWE apart from Triple TEEF? Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman, apparently receiving death threats, which I think is PATHETIC. Here we go, they are gonna rub it in now, go on Heyman, do your worst…

Oh lawwwwd the crowd chanting ‘Bullsh!t’…. I feel you but like I said, Undertaker

WWE+Undertake+The+Streak+DVD+Review personally selected Brock (allegedly) to break it… we can always watch the 20-0 streak DVD and pretend it never happened!

My god did Paul Heyman go in and put us on blast, Hall Of Famers, Superstars and Legends, he went H.A.M. on us all! Nothing we can do about it, Undertaker hospitalized with a concussion, we can’t create a time machine, Hiro Nakumura couldn’t freeze time and prevent this from happening. We can’t rush Lesnar and beat him up… come on guys, all he did was break the streak… it wasn’t like he killed a kid holding a bag of skittles and a drink and killed him because he wore a hood!

I can’t blame Batista & Orton for being a bit p!$$£d off for fighting for tag team titles… once again it’s all about one man: TRIPLE TEEF!!!! This is the part where I want Randall and Batista to rush Triple and brukk up his blodclart! Any how they defeat the Usos now… lord help us… and I like both Randall and Batista!

That’s it crowd, chant for muthaf***az that are not there!!! Especially that Philip… when are you gonna… hold up – the ref counted out both teams???? Oh lawwd – Batista bomb to the Uso bwoy onto the steel steps – BLAOW!!! Power Trip 2.0.??? Nah…. they never beat down the Usos with steel chairs about 100 times!

Word up RVD!!! You gonna be in the WWE2K15 game??? My quest for the PS4 has begun! Forget about your match with Sandow… actually no let’s talk about Sandow… this man got character and mic skills, now he has no entrance and jobs to everybody… what the f**k did he do to be punished? Did he tell Stephanie ‘SILENCE’ during oral activity????

GRANT BODY – P!!!

HOLY F**K!!! Bad News Barrett is actually gonna fight???? Don’t tell me they gonna cheer him over Rey Mysterio… OH NO! HE’S GOT SOME BAD NEWS!!! Rey is like – SHUDDUP!!!! I sound like the IWC when I say – this is bad booking!

Oh yes! the Ravishing Russian Lana!!! Come here let me go chojin on your sexy @$$!

Ok let me see what this Alexander Rusev can do…

he’s up against Wack Ryder??? KILL HIM RUSEV!

HA! HA! HA! Somebody got a sign saying ‘Hey Rusev, how much for the blonde??’ LanaLOVE IT!!!

Debra move over – this Lana woman – MY GOD!!!!! I’d ramm my cocky up that tight up skirt!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

By the way somebody named Peaches Geldof died….you know her? Nah me neither…

I was hoping that the Ultimate Warrior would run down to the ring and shake the ropes crazy… well he shook the ropes!!!! YEAH MAN!!!! He’s dropping that promo that don’t make sense but it sounds DAN!!!!!! That’s what’s up!!!! That’s the man who made me an official wrestling fan!!! How can I front on that!!!

BDSIR LAYLA GRANTTamina is looking sexier and sexier each day…. f**k you haters talking about she has ‘man features’…. your woman nuh look good, f**k outta here! Well done AJ! 295 days!!!! Damn you could make 434 for real!!!! But you took Naomi’s hand and forced her to tap out! That ain’t right! That’s TEEF!

OH SNAP!!!! PAIGE?????? RAH-TID!!!! This should be good!

But since you wanna run down my Tamina, I don’t think Paige is all that, she too pale for me! She look like she plastered her face with Oil of Olay! One more application and she look like Clay Face from Batman! AJ wants to put her divas title on the line????

This could be history right here!!!! This could be a John Cena Vs Kurt Angle moment right here! And she could get props even if she loses!

I swore down Paige tapped to the Black Widow…. but f**k that – she just won the Divas Title!!!! 295 day reign DUN!!!!!

I cannot lie, it was one thing Cesaro winning, but it was THE WAY HE WON, dashed out the Big Show similar to when Hulk Hogan slammed André at WrestleMania 3! But wait! If the Real Americans have split up, is Zeb Colter rolling with Cesaro now? What about Wack Swagger???

Hold up – Cesaro is a Paul Heyman Guy???? What the f**k??? When did this happen??? But-but-but??? Wrestling historians help a brother out here!

NO! DISRESPECT!!! The André The Giant trophy destroyed by Wack Swagger!! He’s going to hell – he disrespect the dead – NEVER EVER SUPPORT THIS MAN!

Wait a minute fans! You can’t chant We The People now! You would be supporting Wack Swagger here! Paul Heyman doesn’t go by that motto! So Heyman is the advocate of Lesnar and Cesaro… well Rybaxel ain’t gonna like that sh!t!

Are the crowd calling Swagger a pu$$y??? Y’all need to change that music too… it might be catchy but Cesaro ain’t on that team no more!

OH NO!!! Stephanie McTEEF has got My hero Kane and The Shield to make sure that Triple becomes champion!!!! Er Danny…. er… anyone gotta baseball bat in the house? (I heard the rumours, I am yet to be convinced…) The fact that Stephanie doesn’t care what happened to Kane’s brother (and acknowledges him as such) makes me wanna pull her hair from behind, sex her up from behind, and then afterwards TOMBSTONE her rarse into the floor! Undertaker might be contemplating retirement… but that doesn’t mean he won’t appear behind Stephanie and Tombstone her! You saw what happened to Vickie Guerrero!!!

Look pon this! Batista and Randall assaulting Danny! What do they expect? they were the ones who teefed Danny in the first place!

My hero Kane! Chokeslam to Danny – BLAOW!!!! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!!

The referee is forced to ring the bell! Oh my god no! Triple TEEF got the shovel out! And The Shield work for nobody! Can you imagine if The Shield Powerbomb

Triple into the floor??? IT WOULD BE HUGE!

ROMAN REIGNS SPEARED TRIPLE TEEF AND IT’S RUCKUS!!! BUMBACLART! So much for that title match!

The battleground is set, Evolution, & Kane, vs The Shield and Danny Bryan… I’m guessing it will be either SmackDown or next week….

Oh yeah, where Sting deh??? So much for that rumour! Either Undertaker wasn’t there to trigger Sting or Sting just hasn’t signed sh!t! But yo, RAW WAS DAN THIS WEEK! It is a NEW ERA! WrestleMania changed the game and it has shown.

#VOCAREADREGNUM!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

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