Monday Night Raw #1090: April 14, 2014!!!

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The Infamous Informer

What a week in wrestling… good gawd almighty…. The streak brukk. Danny Bryan – new Undisputed WWE World Heavyweight Champion! Paige – new Undisputed NXT and WWE Divas Champion!!! Evolution rumoured to be reforming. Sting has apparently signed to WWE. Danny and Brie are now married. DROP THE BOMB ON EM!

But with Triumph, comes Tragedy…. in that same week, we lost an icon y’all… the man who put a lot of people in my generation on to wrestling (myself included), The craziest thing about it was, we just saw this man inducted in the hall of fame, he reconciled with the WWE, he gave words of wisdom in the ring, as if he KNEW it was his time to go. ULTIMATE WARRIOR (Jim Hellwig) LIVE ON LIVE LONG…

“Sometimes I wanna cry and pray, sometimes
Sometimes I wanna chill and lay, sometimes
Sometimes I get drunk, all god damn day
Sometimes I wanna go, back around the way
Sometimes I wanna ride to smoke, sometimes
Sometimes I got money and I still feel broke…” (Noreaga, Sometimes, 1999)

Time to shake that ring Warrior Style and entertain y’all with the ruckus! RAW #1090! HOL’DAT – BLAOW!!!


That is a tribute and a half for the Ultimate Warrior right there… but as the bell tolled 10 times, I couldn’t help but think two things: One, why does Eva Marie doesn’t look sincere like she’s dying to laugh?  And Two, How come Vincent Kennedy finds himself standing in the middle of Eva and Nikki Bella??? DUTTY BWOY!!

With the WWE Title and the World Heavyweight Title now unified, I knew that there would be more emphasis on the Intercontinental Championship by announcing a #1 contender’s tournament. I just wanna point out to you Wrestling smarks in case y’all wondering, when are they actually gonna have one belt? Well the answer is very simple, when they fully phase in that new WWE logo that looks like two sharp blades, THAT’S when the new belt comes into it… and I’m guessing it will be around next year. (How do you know that Grant?) Well its common sense and knowledge… notice the WrestleMania 31 logo now sports the new WWE logo??? Ok I’ll leave it at that. Big ups to Rob Van Dam for advancing… poor Bertie…


I know… I’m not quite feeling it either… like the WMXXX logo looked epic.

WTF???? Rybaxel win????? Dem beat the Rhodes Brudda? BACKSIDE!!! Yo that clothesline Ryback did to Cody looked personal though… BLAOW!!!

Damn what sort of submission move was that from Paige???? Alicia Fox had no chance there!!! Only 21 years old… wielding two belts, and muthaf***az are talking about – Oh she won the belt too soon…. what she has done is MADE HISTORY!! She come out of nappy/diapers the other day and she’s the Undisputed women’s champion??? How many 21 year olds can say they have done that??? NONE!!! So to you internet jabronies – SHUT YOUR BEAK – matter of fact – since when did you become interested in the diva’s division??? Go back to the toilet with your unappreciative @$$!


Is it me or has one of the Uso Brudda got a tribal tattoo similar to The Rock?? I have always said that apart from the Wu-Tang Tattoo, I would have a tribal tattoo… shame I’m not Samoan…!!!!

OH SNAP!!! The Shield man dem rush Randall and Batista! They were ready to brukk them up!!! But Randall and Batista make a quick escape!!! I like how you fans are now looking for the Shield masks… WWE merchandising GET ON THE CASE!!!

As we continue into the Intercontinental Championship #1 Contender tournament… look at Cesaro! Taking it to the World’s Strongest Man! Throwing ‘bows and upper cuts!!! Hey Cesaro! ever thought of entering the World’s Strongest Man tournament?

Cesaro advances… but yo Heyman! Where’s Cesaro’s music at??? He’s your new client! FIX UP!!! I told y’all muthaf***az you can’t chant WE THE PEOPLE anymore!

Let me tell you something, WWE2K15 is gonna be DON!!!! The amount of new characters that’s gonna be up in there??? Think about it yo, Rusev, Xavier Woods, The Wyatt man dem, Paige, just to name a few!!!! The Shield & Danny with improved moves?! On the PS4 & XBoxOne? In the words of Cappadonna: “You’d be stupid to miss this one!”

I love Rusev’s fighting style!!!! The Bulgarian Nightmare’s supermove – The Accolade! Basically it’s a camel clutch, but the way he executes it, he has NO EMOTION! But that Lana though… Debra! Stacy MOVE YOURSELF!!! Look pon this…. GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!!!!


Choke her, Spank her, Pull her hair… I’D TURN INTO THE CHOJIN ON HER @$$!!


You see w’happen when you live by bigotry Zeb? You pay penalties! Now you’re left with a loooooser…. I bet you disrespected the Irish as well didn’t ya? Brogue Kick into Swagger’s mouth corner – BLAOW!!!!! I wished he did that to your racist @$$!

That’s right – give back the mic to Sandow!!! You know why? Because he DESERVES IT! Yep – a Sean Price punch to the jaw – PPPPPP!!!! Big Show should have picked up the mic and said – ‘You’re right… you deserve it!!!’ after that!

What did I tell ya? I told you this thing ain’t over between Cena and Bray Wyatt… but is the Steel Cage match the answer??? Last time I check Bray, Danny Bryan whupped your @$$ all over that cage! Come on WWE! You mean you couldn’t find a better gimmick match than that? How about an inferno match? Or a Texas bullrope match? Or even a Punjabi Prison match??????

Ok maybe not a Punjabi Prison match… but I dunno man… steel cage match doesn’t excite me… unless you gonna throw weapons in that muthaf***a!!!

Thanks to WWE.Com, thankfully I don’t have to see my baby mother dance around with that Ponce Fandango… but what I wanna know is, when did Fandango upgrade? Maybe Fandango watched Summer Rae show her true colours on Total Divas and he thought – F**K IT! I give Fandango props, but I promise him… one false move on Layla and he will be DEAD BY DAWN!!!

Sounds like Summer Rae is hurt going by the tweets she be sending out…

Summer Rae WWE ‏@RealSummerWWE 13hGRANT - BODY - P

.@WWEFandango Love? LOVE?? Hahaha…let’s not forget that YOU were the one laying in MY arms every night crying saying I’m the best thing

THE GRANT SAYS – GET OVER IT BIATCH!!!! All this jealousy over my beautiful Layla… f**k around and Layla will f**k you up!!!

Notice – my Layla don’t need to say sh!t on twitter… because her momma taught her better than that!!!


Can I get some decorum please? I’m afraid I got some BAD NEWS! I just f**ked up your favourite battyman who calls himself Dolph Ziggler… and I will go forth in the tournament to become the next Intercontinental Champion… Even the Infamous Informer likes me… and I buried his beloved Undertaker alive in 2010!!!

What is the meaning of this???? Is my hero Kane gonna put back on his mask on last time and bring the FYYYYYYREE!!!!!!! I hope so… I’m glad he’s gonna stop that school trouser D.O.O. nonsense! Don’t get me wrong I liked it but bring Kane back to that essence that we all love him for!!! IT’S KAAAAAANE!!! And get the license from Method Man to play that track too!

Wait a minute Triple TEEF??? I thought that putting 11 mans against The Shield was bad for business??? Now you do it??? Isn’t that a bit f**ked up??? Oh yeah I forgot… your name is TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!

OH HELLLLL NAWWWWW!!!!! EVOLUTION????? TIME TO FIND OUT… WHO I AM??? Batista Bombing all the Shield man dem – BLAOW!!!! Finishing off with a RKO and a Pedigree!!! Come on crowd where is your ovation? I thought you love Evolution??? Notice – the crowd now going for the YES Chant… and not chanting for John Cena… what does that tell you now??? This is f**ked up!!!

I realize what I must do on WWE2K14!!!! So if it looks like Evolution Vs The Shield at Extreme Rules (that match is gonna be DON I can say…) and John Cena & Bray Wyatt are going in the steel cage… does this mean that Danny may defend the title against my hero Kane as the monster????

Yeah I see you dropping memes about Danny not being there… YOU FOOL!! He’s on his honeymoon with Brie you DYAM ARSE! All this plus the Intercontinental Championship final for the PPV? Plus Paige possibly defending her divas title? Is that how it goes down in the streets WWE? I LOVE IT!!!!!










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