Monday Night Raw #1095: May 19, 2014

Smack Talk Centre Ray Logo

The Infamous Informer

This is it people! My confrontation with Zeb Colter is at hand!!! The WWE is in the UK, and if that muthaf***a is here, all hell WILL BREAK LOOSE! Never mind Vincent Kennedy losing a third of his fortune, Look here, it’s Malcolm X’s birthday, CM Punk has started his tweets again, his fans have started wanking again, it is time to get what’s ours, from out this f***a, by any means necessary!!!!

RAW #1095, HOLD DAT – BLAOW!!!

17,000 Strong on fire in London England! that’s how the F**K WE ROLL!!!

Hold up – not even the WWE intro could run? The Wyatt man dem shut that down one time! Damn son! He Got The Whole World In His Hands! Bray Wyatt with a BAFTA Award Winning promo! But Cena shut that sh!t down with an AA!!! He knows to run as well!!!!

I wanna give a shout out to STC Admin and member Matt Blick, who just informed me that Total Divas Season 3 is jumping off September 7, and joining the cast is Rosa Mendes!!! You know when she starts speaking that Spanish, she gets my d!ck hard like a muthaf***a!!!!

 

Uh-oh, here comes Paul Heyman…. here we go!!!! Did he just say that the British queen is dying???? Oh lawwwd I’m not a fan of the Royal Family, but lightning is gonna strike on Paul Heyman word is bond! That’s almost as bad as him saying that His Client Brock Lesnar Conquered the Undertaker’s Streak at WrestleMania!!! By the way Matt Blick… it’s not getting old… it gets BETTER!!! Only because I believe it’s all leading to something!

WTF??!!!! Since when did Paul Heyman turn into Terry Silva from The Karate Kid III? “A man can’t breathe, he can’t fight”….??? While Cesaro got the sleeper hold on Sheamus??!!!

Paul Heyman is so TEEF!!! He baited it up for Sheamus!!! Sheamus is like – Ok Cesaro, you got me…. put it there… holds out hand, and Cesaro might as well have kissed his teeth!!! Sheamus is smiling like – ok cool… see what happens when I brogue kick your blodclart!!!

Cesaro face facts – you are never gonna get booed at this time!

Now the Shield Vs Evolution Beef…. now it’s a No Holds Barred Elimination match!!! YES!!!! BRING THE MUTHAF***!N RUCKUS!!!! (and you’re more concerned over Vincent Kennedy’s money… let me tell you – HE AIN’T WORRIED WHEN YOU GET MADE REDUNDANT!!!)

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Wait a minute – in fact – wait two minutes! One, we have a foreign announce table??? Somebody gonna get put through that muthaf***a!

The second minute – a beat the clock challenge to compete for the Intercontinental Title???? Ok, well if what I heard on the BDSIR Network Perfect Plex Radio show is true, and whatever the folks at Powerbomb Pro Wrestling are saying, Wrestling Fans are gonna be bex, and I am gonna be laughing! Whoever loses, I WIN! that’s my motto!

Big ups to Big E for advancing in the Beat The Clock challenge… Ryback lose again…. I’m sure 3MB got more wins than him by now! F**K That – I bet Barry Horowitz has won more matches than Ryback!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Hold up – this is crazy! the Funkadactyls supporting R-Truth! He was meant to fight Fandango…. but somebody else doesn’t like Layla getting kissed up like that on TV – Summer Rae!!!! OH SNAP!!! She slaps one on Fandango’s lips too! Next minute Layla and Summer ketch – up!!! War between the two gyal! YES CHANTS ALL OVER LONDON! Word up – I’m backing my beautiful Layla ALL THE WAY!!! Make it happen WWE – Summer Rae Vs Layla at Payback!!! Loser gets Fandango! Winner gets ME!!!! (Which means Summer MUST LOSE!!!!)

Wait a minute – Danny Bryan in England??? No No No must be some mistake!

Stephanie with the YES CHANT? Yeah I’m Chanting YES!!!!! Look at Steph – GOD DAYUUUUM!!!! Why are you chanting NO! for you fools????

Hmmm I think Stephanie is being fair!!! She could have stripped Danny of the title and awarded to Kane (which I would like) or Wade Barrett (I would be like WHAAAT??) or Batista (which I would be throwing up my Wu-Tang sign) or Triple TEEF (which I would be saying – TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!)

But she wants Danny to surrender the title himself… Steph is being fair – why the boos????

Tell you what Danny, let me help you… this is what happened in 1997…

 

Oh no not the muthaf***in Union Jacks??? Get the f**k outta here!

YES!!! So Lana is out to prove she’s not racist! F**k!n hell RAVISHING AIN’T THE WORD! How can the London crowd chant ‘WHO ARE YA’??? ARE YOU BLIND????

YUSEF – I might forgive you! You gonna destroy Heath Slater???? YES!!! KILL HIM!!! KILLLLLLLLLLLL HIMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

Shame WWE dropped the ball on that one still… Malcolm X birthday, and my brothers (R-Truth, Kofi, Xavier Woods, Big E) didn’t stand together…. shout out to TNA…. they seem to have got it right!!!

OK RVD, BERTIE, you have 5:02 to beat… GO!!!

OH SNAP!!! So much for Bertie doing this for the planet…. RVD beats the clock! 4:15… sorry Big E!!! Well you still have beef with Yusef!

Wait a minute – Batista wanted to do this by himself didn’t he? Now Randall is the time-keeper? And Triple TEEF is the Ring announcer??? What sort of sh!t is that??!! Seth Rollins – you need to call for reinforcements here!

Oh my god he did! Special guest commentators – Dean & Roman! Triple is BEX!

Hold up – Brad Maddox is still the general manager??? I didn’t know either!

Shout out to Dean Ambrose – he just said that Roman Reigns Moms hits him harder than that! 9 stitches ain’t sh!t!!!! Dean is telling the truth!!!! The Samoans don’t play!

Trust that TRIPLE TEEF to start the f**kery! Could we see the purpose of the German announce table?

The Shield were ready for Evolution’s f**kery!!! Backing them all the way at Payback!!!

Oh no, Alicia Fox is back…. get the job done this time girl! Beat that pale woman to a pulp! Sorry guys! I’m not on the Paige train!

It’s gonna happen again isn’t it? Alicia Fox so dominant, then Paige wins with 1 move… oh no!!

OH SNAP!!! Alicia got her!!!! YES!!!! That was superb!!! Look at her celebrating!!!! YES ALICIA! THAT WAS FOR MALCOLM!

Ok Beat the clock jump off! Mark Henry! Dolph Ziggler! 4:15 to beat! GO!

BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO ANDRE THE GIANT!!! SALUTE THE 8th WONDER!

HA! HA! HA! HA! I’m disappointed Mark Henry didn’t beat the clock, but I’m glad Ziggler failed!!! RVD wins but – BLAOW!!! a bull hammer in the skull! I’M AFRAID I GOT SOME BAD NEWS! Barrett is celebrating to the British Bulldog’s music??? Can he do that???

Shout out to JAY-BEE – “how did that stupid bunny get through customs??” That was superb!!!! I think Renée Young is about to become a rosebud! Renée needs a good f-

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Fandango move over – it’s all about Adam Rose’s theme tune! The London crowd love it! Why does Adam Rose sound like a battyman???

Why the F**K is Zeb Colter here? How the F**K did HE GET THROUGH CUSTOMS! That’s it London Crowd – GET HIM!!!

WHO ARE YA! WHO ARE YA! WHO ARE YA! SHUT THE F**K UP COLTER!

DROP THE WHAT? CHANT ON HIM YES!! Hold up -Zeb Colter Vs Adam Rose??? YES! YES! YES! YES! Swagger is such a deluded fool! Yes Adam! it’s all about this party fist! F**K that – I like this Adam Rose fool!!!

MAIN EVENT JUMP OFF! Luke Harper! John Cena! Wyatt followers Hold up your iPhones!!!

Yes it’s true… Mike Cole said back in the day fans would hold up lighters… yeah for The Undertaker’s arrival… Ok if CM Punk fans can have faith in their saviour, so can I! I would love to see Bray Wyatt Vs The Undertaker at Summerslam! Can you make it happen Deadman???

Did Harper just do a hurricanrana???? blodclart!!!! Even the Usos who are at ringside are thinking – But-but-but-but!!!!!

Blodclart! The Wyatts start the f**kery, but Bray hitting Sister Abigails on the Usos one time!!! Now the match is thrown out… 17,000 singing The Whole World In His Hands again!!! Bray’s gonna kill you!!! Looks like the German announce table was spared tonight!!! A fall away slam on the concrete floor, followed by a Sister Abigail on the concrete – BLAOW!!!!! And while Bray sings, Luke counts to 10!!!! CRAZY!!!

You know what Cena? I dedicated this song to you, you should start singing it, maybe if you turn evil which you won’t but try this:

 

#VOCAREADREGNUM!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

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The Infamous Informer

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