The Jobber Blogger #109 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 5/6/14

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The Jobber Blogger

Why is it there is always so much stuff to do. Least it feels that way. Ah my old friend, ye’ Jobber Blogger. You are always such fun. I remember writing little things about “possible plans going forward”. Well, those plans are still in development, but that’s about as much as I have to announce right now. I feel like a Spoke’s person from E3. Which is, as some of you may know, right now! But alas, my gaming needs and addictions (though rarely.. play them?) will take a bit of back seat for me to catch up with the good old Wrestling.. mess.

I don’t even know where TNA is going, the ratings are going down, that’s one thing for sure. But then no Live TV hurts a show trying to be live TV. It doesn’t feel exciting, it doesn’t feel relevant, we all know this happened weeks ago. The performers are probably sick to death of doing multiple week’s worth of TV in one taping. The audience get tired of watching it (believe me). And yes, people then get sick to watch it on TV, especially if you were actually in attendance. Slammiversary isn’t far away and neither is the New York shows, which hopefully will add a lovely bit of mixture to the pot. Yet despite the “popular demand” TNA would have you believe, the tickets apparently aren’t flying out of the Booking window. One of their recent out-door shows looks like a naff country fair where hardly anyone is interested in anything and only attend because it’s “local”.

TNA empty

MVP apparently is injured, Tommy Dreamer might be pissed off with Dixie pulling Bully from his House of Hardcore event, it’s a bad sign when TNA need to use “NEED TO USE!!” Tommy Dreamer’s House of Hardcore fans and audience to pad out on of TNA’s (One Night Only) PPV’s. Who even watches them?

I’ve never felt any desire to watch a One Night Only TNA PPV. I don’t want to. Why are you wasting your money on them? They’re clearly not working.

Hell, Eric Young clearly isn’t drawing in the big crowds and attention TNA had hoped. But then EY feels less like EY and more like “new cooperate EY” without anyone trying to change him on air. I really don’t know where things are going to go. The Wolves are good… but I’m not like “bothered” or must watch tendencies. The Menagerie, I’m starting to enjoy seeing them less. EC3 never really “ticked the box” for me. James Storm is still good, Roode, Aries, EY, but hey, TNA is different, and it’s changing. I’m still on board to watch…. but for how long?

Impact Wrestling Logo

 TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 5/6/14

Samoa Joe kicked off Impact, with MVP and co looking for Joe backstage, it was Joe who went straight to the ring playing “Hard to miss”. That’s not even a weight joke.

Joe calls out MVP and co and challenges them all to a fight. And guess what, I don’t care. I don’t want to see them fight, I don’t even want to see Joe that much. Everyone is being built, and no-one is winning in the area to define themselves. Eric Young vs. MVP, that vision has gone. I’m lost in this mess of EY, MVP, Lashley, King, Aries, Bully, Joe. Who am I supposed to think is the clear threat? Who is on who’s side… why do I care? Bully is being pushed the most, Aries has the most compelling argument, Joe, I find Joe boring, MVP, meh. Not bothered anymore.

I don’t care who is the Champion, they’ve never shown me any reasons to believe that actually being the Champion is worth being the Champion. Where is this “power!” that comes with the belt. What power does EY have? It’s a big old mess, and I just struggle to be bothered. I really do.

Aries got involved trying to “even the playing field” between Joe, MVP, Lashley and King. This led MVP to make a match between Aries and Joe – loser gets fired. Only rather than making it that simple, it was described as “Joe, you don’t actually have a full-time contract yet, sort of, given that I didn’t bring you back, due to you not being satisfied with your opportunities. And Aries, I don’t like you, and you had to sit at home anyway.” blah blah blah, whatever.

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 Bram vs. Willow

More things I don’t care about. Angry Bram screaming like an Angry British dude and Jeff Hardy dressed weirdly screaming like a woman.

If there is a positive, it’s that Bram is actually presented, and feels like a bigger threat than he is. He’s not all that experienced, yet he does feel like a big time player, given that Willow (Hardy) should easily be able to defeat him.

I quite like Bram’s intensity, and I enjoy it lately when Willow rises that too. But the interesting dynamic of involving Willow and his transformation from Jeff Hardy, only really applies to the World Title, Dixie Carter, EC3, Spud, and yes, Magnus. But this sort of “he’s violent” so I shall fight him mentality seems to make Willow more of a goof, to be beaten up so much?

Goofy Willow

Bram gets out his friend, Mr. Ply bar who coincidently is the four legged best friend of Magnus’ old chum – Mr. Turnbuckle

Mr Turnbuckle mr ply-bar

Magnus makes his way to the ring, ready to stop Bram – again, for no reason. And instead decides this time, he’s going to be “his old self” again…. also for no reason.

Magnus beats down on Willow, would have been better if they used the old Aces and Eights Hammer, that looked violent and deadly. This.. not so much.

I don’t get this change in Magnus, I don’t understand why it’s needed, or where it’s going. And again… I don’t care either.

Eddie Edwards vs. Davey Richards

Yes, if you’re not a fan of The Wolves by now, then seeing them in Flip Flops would probably put you off them for good….

Wolves Flip Flops

Eddie and Davey broke into MVP’s office then decided to call him names, then complained because he put them in this match against each other. Here’s a tip… don’t be a git. What would you expect, am I supposed to feel bad these two were made to fight each other because the put their flip flopped feet on MVP’s table and called him names for doing his own business. Where the hell is the good line and bad line in Wrestling, surely being so strict on either side is just as bad.

Davey then called MVP a sheep in Wolfs clothing…. so there goes the rest of the fan base…

MVP - Sheep in Wolf clothing

Eddie and Davey then spent the match rolling around on the floor with each other in the best display of two grown men performing continuous forward rolls.

Kenny King came out to moderate the match and tried his best to encourage them to “fight”. In the end Eddie gained a quick pin on Davey (I believe) and they then both beat up King.

The Bromans trying to avoid The Menagerie went to the ring to talk about The Menagerie. So The Menagerie came out to attack The Bromans. Robbie E scared of clowns, DJ Z vs. Crazy Steve in a Horn Battle. Freak sucks. Yup… good bye credibility.

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Okay, I am at least pleased to know that TNA had a plan for Samuel Shaw after getting him committed. I like that involved Gunner. But now Shaw has an imaginary friend, apparently, named Dave. Whom only he can see. So either Dave is a ghost and we’re all going to enjoy some Wrestling television we’ll regret watching for years to come. Or this will just “pass” as him being crazy.

Least some stink clouds have a nice rectum it came from, and in this case it’s Gunner looking at Shaw’s drawings. Pretty sure if your being committed to a padded cell and straight jacket, they wouldn’t give you things to stab with. But whatever.

The last of the pictures Shaw had drawn however, was one of Gunner. I shall rise above the bottom of the barrel gay jokes and decide this might be nice. Gunner asked Shaw if he would finish the picture for him.

And a Very First, for The Jobber Blogger, I have an Exclusive Scoop!

Yes, I managed to ask the kind folks over at TNA for the exclusive picture debut of Samuel Shaw’s – Gunner!

GUNNER PIC

I’m not going to lie… I expected better…. even of myself.   … Also that was a lie, but to be honest, that’s pretty good!

Austin Aries vs. Samoa Joe – Contract vs. Contract

Yup, the second best match from 2012 was to be contested. What, did it live up to the hype? Of course not, it’s TNA in 2014, they barely do matches anymore. It’s just “stuff” to propel further “stuff” in a direction heading to an area filled with “stuff”. All to decide once and for all “whatever”.

MVP had put Brian Hebner in a position where he must “do the right thing” and call the match down the middle and have a winner and a loser. Bully Ray and EY confronted Hebner about doing the right thing. And guess what, here comes a pet peeve.

“I Have a Family to Feed!”

Shut the absolute hell up!

I don’t think I can take this clichéd crap-ola anymore. They were once like Brothers, I need to put food on my table.

Really? You’re not exactly on minimum wage are you. You want me to feel sorry for you and to sympathise with your poor, poor income. Shut up! It winds me up something fierce!

I couldn’t give two craps about your family, on a personal level sure, I get it. On a Wrestling show, to sell a story line, I don’t want to hear about it.

I’d rather Hebner was fired. It pisses me off!

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So yeah Bully punched Hebner in the face throwing out the match. MVP got angry, Bully and co challenged MVP, Lashley, King and EC3 to an 8-man Tag – First Blood match. Which King accepted and then apparently that was a secure decision. MVP didn’t have to do it, so I don’t buy for a second he was annoyed. FACTS PEOPLE!

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You might have seen these through-out the Issue by now, the best part of this week’s show was indeed Mr. Anderson being himself, dressed up as James Storm taking the piss, and being hilarious doing it. I enjoy the confrontation between he and Storm best, I love Storm as a heel. Storm just came out, beat him up, and that’s all it needed.

Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love (w/Velvet Sky) – Knockouts Championship

I don’t actually remember the last time I watched a “Wrestling” match on Impact.

This is all story driven crap as well. I like Madison, I love Angelina. But this was just as irritating as everything else on the show.

Earlier in the night Madison told Brittany to “DO NOTHING!” tonight to even try and help Madison. LEAVE ME ALONE, DON’T COME TO THE RING, DO NOTHING!

So Brittany comes to the ring, obviously. Sure she didn’t cost Madison the match, Madison lost because Velvet sprayed her in the face with Hair Spray, Angelina took advantage and retained her Championship.

Then afterward, Madison goes to Brittany  “what was that? Why didn’t you help me!?” REALLY!!!

Is this the best you can think of, is this the best dialogue. “Because you told me so”. Am I supposed to believe Madison is that dumb? Really?

Madison vs Brittany

 Ethan Carter the third, MVP, Bobby Lashley, Kenny King vs. Bully Ray, Eric Young, Samoa Joe and Austin Aries – 8-Man Tag – First Blood Match

 You know what, I’m just getting more annoyed the more I remember this show and what TNA is today. The match sucked.

Bully punched EC3 in the head with his chain, the match was over before we saw blood… then there was blood…. don’t care, bored of this.

The only redeeming quality was MVP, Lashley and King looking like good for nothing thugs after the match when they singled out EC3, held him down in the back and beat the crap out of him. I liked that.

Dixie running in, yelling for them to stop, and it finally putting an interesting dynamic between her and MVP. Let alone makes MVP actually feel like a threat. So that, could be interesting.

Till then, I pray for Global Force Wrestling to be awesome, and look forward to that ROH PPV with Kaz and Daniels… which I only just remembered was happening… so yeah pretty much just GFW.

Till then,

Dan Wilkinson

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