Smack Talk Centre-Raw
I just wanna take this time to take a moment of silence… to that poor Cadillac, it was just an innocent bystander, it didn’t deserve that fate. It wasn’t even christened and packed up with honeyz damnit! Excuse me I might have to cry in the c…oh wait… I can’t do that!!!! IT’S STILL REAL TO ME DAMNIT!!!!
THE BATTLEGROUND IS LAID OUT! I am him – Infamous Informer – Wolverhampton’s Last Outlaw – The man in The Purple Suit – Grant Body – P!! RAW #1155: HOL’DAT – BLAOW!!!
(THE FOLLOWING BLOG IS RE-WRITTEN. THE COMPUTER CRASHED WHILE WATCHING LIVE AND LOST THE ORIGINAL BLOG.)
OHHHH SH!T! Is that how we gonna start RAW??? With the Cadillac Crushing, J&J Security destroying, Mayor of Suplex City a.k.a. Atlanta Georgia… BRRRROCCCK LESSSNAR??!!! With his advocate who vows that Brock will BRUKK UP that Sneaky, Slimy, Revolting, Disgusting, Thief in The Night – Seth Rollins!!! Somebody print that sh!t on a shirt!
Talking of that Sneaky, Slimy, Revolting, Disgusting Thief in the Night…that muthaf***a messed up his lines talking to BRRROCCCK LESSNAR!!! YES people! Seth is shook! 100% proof! He gonna get DEAD this Sunday for sure!
Oh look at the state of the Cadillac!!! LAWD HAVE MERCY! This is a saaaad day! Do you know how much carnal activity could have taken place in there???
For real Glenn? You gonna threaten BRRROCCK LESSNAR??? In your Sunday School Trousers??? Have you conveniently forgotten that Brock smashed the streak of your older brother who is BADDER THAN YOU???
For real Miz??? Did this muthaf***a just say he’s the toughest man in WWE? Because he was in The Marine 3? Let me remind you of something muthaf***a – you didn’t even do those stunts! I don’t have to watch the film to know that! GET IN THE CHAIR!
Yo JBL – Don’t EVER call Bray Wyatt the ‘Master of Mind Games’… you have just insulted the Don of DONS. Now look what you’ve done… you’re next to get BUSS ARSE – check it out…
Ok time for some 6-man black on black action! I love the New Day, New Day Rocks, but Primetime Players got Mark Henry on their side!!!! World’s Strongest Slam to Xavier Woods – BLAOW!!!! THAT’S WHAT I DO!!! I say have the same 6 man match for the tag team titles, since New Day like to wield the belts as all three! Get in there Mark Henry make it happen!
232 days as champion??? GO NIKKI GO!! FOR ME! AND THE WORLD! RECORD SKIP – Stephanie McMahon is out here?? Maybe she wants the title? Last time Stephanie won the women’s title, she never defended that sh!t! Broke the 30 day rule under the McMahon Helmsley reign of terror!
Hang on – Stephanie looking to change-up sh!t! The US women’s team won the world cup! Serena Williams with her fine self won the Grand Slam!
Women are running things in the UFC! WWE women have to step their game up! Paige finally has back up!!! OH SH!T Becky Lynch??!!! Charlotte Flair N!&&@!!!! Er… Nikki… I don’t know if you can make the 300 now!
I’M MARKING THE F**K OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!
OH SNAP!!!!! THE BOSS LADY – SASHA BANKS IS OUT HERE AND JOINING NAOMI’S FIGHT!!!! YES!!! YES! YES! CROWD CHANTING ‘THIS IS AWESOME!!!’ THIS IS OFF THE HOOK!!! THAT’S MY TEAM RIGHT THERE – SASHA, NAOMI & TAMINA!!
Shout out to STC Member Amer W. Awad! He must have marked the f**k out! Look at Stephanie – she’s loving this!!!!
So is Cameron it seems…
THE GRANT SAYS – Shame you wasn’t apart of it baby girl! If you learned to pin people properly that could have been you!
GRANT BODY – P!
Only joking Cameron – Grant loves you! It’s those IWC d!ckheads Grant hates!
3 guys fighting for an US Title shot like it’s a b!tch like Summer Rae! But this is a great contest! Kevin Owens! Rusev! Cesaro! I know I didn’t see Cesaro pull off a german suplex on Rusev and Owens at the same time!!! Can YOU do that BRRROCCK LESSSNAR??!!!
Cesaro is KILLIN EM!!! Superman leap over the ropes! Straight up and down – in a lesser federation (yeah I said it…) he’d be a champion by now! Sometimes one’s injury (Tyson Kidd) is another’s opportunity (Cesaro)… an unwritten rule in wrestling.
Rusev gets the pinfall over Cesaro… look at Cena with the last-minute stretches… Oh the Cena Haters be like – ‘Rusev just had a triple threat match – Now Cena will do the 5 moves and – ‘ SHUT THE F**K UP… You’ve watched King Of the Ring before haven’t you???
See look at Rusev he a bit mash-up! Well let’s test your endurance Rusev! If there’s anything that women like – in this case Summer Rae – it’s ENDURANCE!
I knew that muthaf***a (Owens) was gonna ruin the match! Ok calling it now – Cena is retaining the title at Battleground It will be by disqualification by Cesaro and maybe Rusev as well. REMEMBER I TOLD YA.
GOD DAYUUUUM LOOK AT LITA!!! She looks like she just had sex with Grant Body-P!!!! All her hair all over the place… OH MY GOD!!!! Introducing the Tough Enough contestants! Look at that Gabi!!! YES!
Patrick – you could have fixed your tie – you’re on big BIG WWE TV! My moms would cuss if that was me!
Giorgia damn look at those breasts! OHHHH!!! I see you, tryna take Naomi’s throne!!!
The speculation is over! Stardust lives on! To those who are upset that he should come out as Cody Rhodes in light of his father’s departure… Buck up pal!!! BUCK UP!!! and SHUDDUP!!! As long as he doesn’t become ‘The Artist formerly known as StarDust – then all is right in the world!
Look at Seth signing the contract in his best handwriting! He’s almost like a kid with his tongue hanging out at the side of his mouth corner as he writes HAHA! Lesnar! with his hand on his chin!! Smiling and sh!t! OH SH!T!!!!! Lesnar you’re a funny muthaf***a as well!
HOLY F**K – Lesnar threw the table at Rollins! Rollins gets a taste of Suplex city! Glenn thinks he can take Lesnar! He’s probably thinking – ‘for my brotherrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
Damn look at the contract table! All marble and sh!t! Good luck tryna chokeslam somebody through that muthaf***a!
AH – HAAAA! Heyman suspected Rollins was trying to be teef! Lesnar turns the table over! And finds a dutty big piece of stick underneath! Seth get find out now!!!! UH-OH!!!!
Look at Seth! slowly going towards the table where Brock is waiting for him!!!! Seth – DON’T GIVE ME JOKE!!
What was Rollins thinking??? Tryna jump over the ropes only to land in Lesnar’s arms set up for the F5 on the concrete floor! Lucky Glenn was there to kick down Lesnar! Stomping Lesnar out like he’s in a Mobb Deep video! Now Rollins is using the stick! Glenn again gets involved – oh no – F5 to the concrete floor – BLAOW!!!
Rollins is like – OH SH!T!!! I must run like my name is Jon Connor! The T-1000 is after me!!!! MOMMY!!!
OH SNAP!!!!! LITERALLY! I hope Glenn enjoyed himself in Hawaii, and got all the Hawaiian pu$$y, because his leg brukk from the steel steps from BRRRROCCCK LESSSNARRR! Even Big Brother is sitting there like – He only broke my streak… I’m still healthy!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
FOR REAL???? Ok see Rollins you have gone too far! You curse out Glenn and then stomp on his shattered leg??? Ok Glenn… it’s TIME… Calling it now – Seth Rollins is LOSING THAT TITLE. Enter Seth Vs KANE for Summerslam… this has brewed for a long time, and big up the creative for stretching the storyline out…
OFFICIAL STC THEME TUNE FOR BATTLEGROUND:
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.