Monday Night Raw #1206, July 4, 2016

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

THE GRANT SAYS THIS: VOTE JOHN CENA FOR PRIME MINISTER.

I don’t care if some of you jabronies hate him…I don’t care if he’s not even British. JOHN CENA IS DA MAN. I will be cheering for him this week on RAW. One thing he will do where David Cameron, Roy Hodgson, Boris Johnson, Chris Evans and Nigel Farage failed to do: NEVER GIVE UP. THEY GAVE UP! They sold you all down the river! JOHN CENA KICKS OUT OF 2! The only place where Cena cannot rule, is SUPLEX CITY!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

In other news, no news… just remind me to put up a nice picture of that Serena Williams lady…. god damn – GOD DAMN!!!!!

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RAW #1206! There better not be any dutty big spiders interrupting the proceedings this week! They will suffer the same fate as the one last week!

WWF PROPA TINGZ

Everybody on that 4th July vibe! Even the heels! Sheeeeeeeet Kayfabe is dead!!!!

I hate food fights…. such a waste… I think of those starving in Africa and sh!t… sh!t is disgusting….talk about showing love for the troops – it’s all good but use your WWE money and feed the poor muthaf***a!

That’s what this WWE sh!t is all about! Good hearted comedy vibes! No need to be so damn serious all the time! We left the EU for Pete’s sake, the UK is about to go into Anarchy! And there she is in the middle of it all, Lillian Garcia, singing the American national anthem in celebration!

…and here’s me waiting for Rusev to interrupt the proceedings… oh sh!t – it’s not 1998 anymore!

GRANT BODY-P!!!!

That was the best rendition of the anthem I have ever heard Lillian sing… that girl sung with her heart star!

OH SH!T HE CAME OUT FOR REAL!!!! I WAS ONLY JOKING! He wants to rename the day as Rusev Day! He can’t do that surely! His opponent – Titus O’Neill – AGAIN?? He better win this muthaf***a word up… big BIG Independence Day??

Titus’ attire actually looks decent for once, long shorts with Old Glory emblazoned on it, yet I can’t help but feel that it looks like pyjamas!

GRANT BODY-P!

BLOODY USELESS! He lost in front of his family, and he lost in front of America… Titus… I shake my head…and TURN MY BACK!

If Enzo Amore doesn’t win best mic skills of the year for naming every single president in history – Something seriously wrong with the WWE Universe! Yo Enzo – I heard you got a Wu-Tang Tattoo! You have made it in my iron clad respect club, joining Batista!

OWWWWWWWWW! Dana Brooke & Charlotte in their black numbers! Where is my purple…. wait – nah let me draw for my black suit this time!SABU GRANT

Sasha is in all black too! LAWD HAVE MERCY – The lord is my shepherd – he know what I want!

Good lord Sasha told Charlotte about herself!! And dropped a Sean Price punch on Dana AGAIN!

…And I hope Dean Ambrose drops Sean Price punches Miz through school buses! Maryse… I know you are supposed to be sexy but… I don’t know – you just don’t do it for me…

Do you know what I love the most about Dean Ambrose title reign? JBL’s anger! He says kids hide behind chairs and couches when they see him! Well the Grant says – how do you explain Bray Wyatt… or the don of dons – THE UNDERTAKER????? Who has been champion 7 times?????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Deano is actually on commentary for the Spanish announce table! Never been done before – that’s CREATIVITY!

Seth Rollins continuing to get the fans to boo his promo he cut on the announce table.. he even struggled to compare the fans to Roman Reigns himself! And that didn’t work! So Deano decides to stand on the announce table -and he’s like – Dirty Deeds – BLAOW!!! Shame the table didn’t break…

brock ss opponent

That should be an incentive to make me watch right? Nah f**k it – because ‘Facebook’ will tell you…

GRANT BODY-P!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! VICKIE GUERRERO CAN’T BE THE GM OF RAW/SMACKDOWN???!!

DON’T HASHTAG VICKIE RUNS SMACKDOWN LIVE! That;s like voting to leave the EU! (Oh wait….)

Yo – The Big Show’s TEAM USA rally talk was good… but it isn’t better than when Vince McMahon rallied team WWF against the WCW/ECW Alliance!

Look at Austin standing tall like he’s superman and sh!t! And when he hit Undertaker…. Undertaker gave him one look, and Austin put his head down… oh what? we not in 2001 no more???? We have to fast forward to Golden Truth Vs Vaudevillians? Oh f**k that – I’m going to get… what – the match finish already? I can see the IWC complaining about that one!

YOU HEAR THAT BOYS AND GIRLS! JOHN CENA SAYS NEVER GIVE UP! DON’T BE LIKE OUR WUTLESS SO CALLED POLITICIANS! DON’T BE LIKE ROY HODGSON! DON’T BE LIKE CHRIS EVANS!

BLOODY WIMPS THE LOT OF EM!

OH NO! The Bullet Club claim they gonna get rid of Cena! AJ Styles says his Bullet Club are his insurance policy! He says they will prevent Cena from sending for the shovel!

The Bullet Club say the love beating up John Cena! More than Christmas! More than getting on top of their hot asian wife! WHOA! They renamed July 4 to ‘BEAT UP JOHN CENA DAY’!!!! That’s gonna be trending surely!

beatupjohncena

See what I’m gonna do this week, is play Mortal Kombat XL, listen to some Wu-Tang, have sexy time with my lady, then BEAT UP JOHN CENA!

GRANT BODY-P!

NO!!!! The New Day can’t say that about the Wyatt man dem????? Saying they ‘keep it in the family’????? Xavier is right – I hope New Day take this Wyatt challenge seriously! Otherwise we won’t see UpUpDownDown again!

I hope this match doesn’t show USA go on like they are better than the rest of the world in this massive 16-man elimination match!

16 man tag

Let this sink in people! Wack Swagger, Wack Ryder in the main event, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn on the same side… well not for long – Owens just had to hit Zayn with the chair… this would be f**ked up if Wack Ryder was to win this sh!t for Team USA… after all, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation!

After Cesaro turned on his team and uppercut everyone in sight apart from the Big Show, Wack Ryder pins him… oh my god this cannot be happening!

Big Show tagged in – drops the Sean Price punch on Jericho and the chokeslam to Bertie! Only Sheamus left!

Wack Ryder hit the Rough Ryder on Sheamus and picks up the win…. F**K OUTTA HERE! I’m off to Beat Up John Cena… but first, let me leave you with this thing of beauty…

serena2

NEW YORK, NY – DECEMBER 15: Tennis champion Serena Williams attends the 2015 Sports Illustrated Sportsperson Of The Year Ceremony at Pier Sixty at Chelsea Piers on December 15, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Taylor Hill/Getty Images)

 

 

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