Monday Night Raw #1247, April 17, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Right… the Soul N Sports massive n crew – they have something every Monday called ‘Best & Worst of the Weekend. Ok so here’s mine…

Best of the Weekend: Kendrick Lamar album – DAMN! Or more importantly the last tune on the album – DUCKWORTH. HOLY SMOKES WHAT A TUNE! Shout out to Styles P & Talib Kweli who also brought forth a solid offering in ‘The Seven’. Both highly recommended.

Worst Of the Weekend: Some stupid muthaf***a shooting down people while on Facebook live like it’s really funny, and muthaf***az sharing that sh!t like the buzzards that they are. Black people are being killed for no reason by police and this sort of sh!t happens. Vincent Kennedy is right – LIFE’S NOT FAIR! YES LIFE SUCKS…and then you – WHOA!!!!

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RAW 1247! You are still the inferior show! You got Alexa Bliss – NUFF SAID!

Gotta open this up with last week’s MVP and trust me – the WWE Universe will WELCOME Braun Strowman!!!

I guess Double R had to pay a penalty for ‘retiring the Undertaker’! That is something you just don’t do!

Kurt is giving Braun the night off – but Braun wants to f**k up people… OR ELSE! Kurt is like – or else what? Why the f**k isn’t there T-Shirts with that sh!t on it? This monster among men is OVER! And I hate using wrestling terminology – Do I look ike a wrestling nerd to you??!!!

Aaaah sh!t! Braun got the Golden Truth! I’m surprised he didn’t get Finlay and Jamie Noble!

GRANT BODY-P!

Is Kurt afraid of Strowman or something? He sent a flimsy referee to tell him he had the night off!

Sorry Enzo, Wu-Tang Tattoo on your arm but Raw is NOT the realest show in the room. How you doin?

That’s f**ked up – Revival only come the other day and Dash Wilder is out the game already with a fractured jaw? 8 weeks out the game – welcome to the main roster muthaf***a!

(They should have went to Smackdown – the A-show… that would not have happened!)

GRANT BODY-P!

You see that movie White Men Can’t Jump? There is a saying on there I will never forget: ‘When you win, you really lose, and when you lose you really win…’ such is the case for Miz & Maryse – they lost the match at WrestleMania but find themselves on RAW – which WWE claims as the A show but me and you (well some of you) already knew it’s not the case… conversely, Cena and Nikki won the match, but Nikki mashed up her neck again.

Deano is right – Miz looks ridiculous in a maroon suit – But this man right here – The Infamous Informer, would make it look good!

Quote from Miz ‘I wear this because this is what SUPERSTARS look like, but you Dean, you just look like ‘WRESTLERS’…whoa… is that an insult to the IWC????

…and the rivalry has been reignited! The Miz dropped real but annoying talk, but real talk nonetheless – talks about how Deano ‘fell off’, finding himself on pre-show, all sorts of sh!t! Deano is like – I don’t care about all that bright lights and sh!t – I just love this wrestling sh!t! I’ll fight for 20 people, 100,000 people, it ain’t nothing!

Next victim – was that Kalisto who Strowman tried to f**k up? Not before he was intercepted by the Big Show!

They haven’t changed TJ Perkins music! I was looking for that Bowser music… and he’s still doing the ‘dab’… is that what it’s called?

Titus has got the idea! Actually he and Apollo Crews wouldn’t make a bad tag team actually… Crews needs CHARACTER – Titus – you can finally make this so-called brand of yours happen!

Notice I haven’t talked much wrestling? Because quite frankly, I can’t be bothered… until now – Fatal 4 Way #1 contendership for the World Wrestling Federation Women’s grant-body-pChampionship… Mickie James – Sasha Banks – Alexa Bliss – Nia Jax… winner fights Bayley at the Payback joint… once again – backing Nia Jax – a part of me wants Alexa to win so she can get buss arse by Bayley…

Then again a apart of me wants either Nia or Sasha or Mickie to buss Alexa’s arse – I don’t give a f**k if she in her hometown! The commentator just said – Alexa is that chick who would break your heart, break your jaw and you would still look at her on instagram – NO SHE’S NOT!!!! THE GRANT SAYS – I’m on instagram @infamousgrantbodyp – and I don’t wanna look at her b!tch @$$… not when I have women like Rosa Acosta on my instagram!

Rosa Acosta

Who the f**k does Alexa think she is? How is she gonna scream at Sasha – ‘This is my division now!’ This is what I mean – the ratchet has NO MANNERS – she was as good as done in the bank statement, but sh!t – Nia did all the damage and Alexa took advantage and is now through to Payback! Backing Bayley 100%!! Promise me you won’t drop any poems Bayley!!!!!

Do you think Heath Slater watches Curt Hawkins in the back and thinks ‘I’m glad I’m not at the bottom of the barrel anymore?’

GRANT BODY-P!

OH NO!!!! Jericho just made a fantastic promo and the Drifter who keeps playing the guitar for no reason just made the list!

Now on to Wyatt… who according to you guys, loses every feud… but check it – what if Wyatt wins back the WWE Championship? Why is Brock Lesnar not scheduled to appear until AFTER Payback?

This ‘House of Horrors’ better be good Wyatt! We don’t have casket matches anymore! Damn…we not gonna have buried alive matches anymore… aah sh!t… I don’t think even I realised how big a retirement from the don of dons really was…

They say Jeff Hardy hasn’t been in a one-on-one match in 8 years. Yes I remember – last time, he was in a championship match against CM Princess Peach B!tch, and Jeff lost the title – if he lost – he had to leave WWE… that’s what happened and CM B!tch run him out the building… I remember cussing at him like – F**K CM P**K! It’s crazy how things change right?

See – I keep it 100 – I was NEVER a CM P**k fan. That was 2009. So you see wrestling fans… my dislike for Mr Brooks dates waaaaaay back…

While Cesaro has his dream match with Jeff Hardy… let’s give a shout out to Angela Yee… that is straight blatant outright teasing right there!

Angela Yee ice cream

Two things – One –  was the mighty RHYNO afraid of Braun Strowman?????

Two – I forgot to mention this earlier – funny how Big Show cussed out Strowman for beating on Kalisto – remember back in the day Big Show used to pick on Rey Mysterio? I suppose he learned his lesson when Mayweather f**ked him up at WrestleMania 24!

GRANT BODY-P!

Once again – The Big Show Vs Braun Strowman – come on guys – BREAK THE RING THIS TIME! One more time – we know The Big Show hasn’t got long left in his career!

Right now, according to you guys – Vincent Kennedy is jerking off until he falls out of his chair!

You mean to tell me Braun Strowman can push over an ambulance but he can’t body slam the Big Show? Oh he suplexed him? Oh ok… carry on…

This is it! HERE WE GO!!!! Or maybe not – counter technique – Strowman jumps off top ropes right into a chokeslam! And Strowman kicks out!

Strowman hits the powerslam supermove and Big Show kicked out! Come on guys – to the top ropes!

HERE WE GO! both guys battling it out! Braun jumps off the top ropes again – this time into a Sean Price punch! Strowman kicked out again! BACKSIDE! Vincent Kennedy must be a mess in the back!!!!

Booker-T said that Big Show would have to send for his big elbow off the top ropes – that was his super move back in the day – but Strowman hit the Superplex AND BRUKK THE RING!!!!! YES!!!! AND STROWMAN IS BACK ON HIS FEET! BUMBACLART!!!!!

Ok – Vincent Kennedy has officially cum. He hasn’t cum like that since he nearly got in Torrie Wilson’s panties back in 2001!

GRANT BODY-P!

#GETINTHECHAIR

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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