Monday Night Raw #1250, May 8, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Looks like I will have to address a certain jabroni…

Goes by the name of Jared Followill.

King of idiot

Well THE GRANT SAYS Jared FolloWON’T, WHO ARE YOU? Turns out he is some fool from Kings Of Leon. What do they sing? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY SING!!!! Maybe I should take that ridiculous guitar you got strapped round your back, shine it up real nice, keep shining it, turn that sumb!tch sideways – AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP – YOUR CANDY @$$!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A WEIRDO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY LIKE JARED FOLLOWON’T! NO ONE LISTENS TO TECHNO! (oh, they don’t do techno? What do they do then? That Oasis sh!t? Nah WE DON’T DO THAT OVER HERE!)

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1250! We are celebrating One and One Quarter of the way to 2000 episodes by coming to HENGLAN! I heard Stephanie is over here… is that dastardly Triple Teef here too?

Dean Ambrose starting the show in front of 17,323 muthaf***az in London! Some of which are in the Smack Talk Centre! Big up Paul Summers, Tom Taylor and Martin Gleed! They love Deano! But Kurt didn’t make the trip! Darn… so Deano is running the dance! The Miz don’t like that sh!t!

Miz claims Stephanie McMahon called him! And said The Miz is running the dance as well! Steph – we saw you on This Morning, don’t act like you are not here!

BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! Arm sling and all! The Miz and Deano better give Braun better competition… OR ELSE!

Why are London thanking Strowman for? He did nothing?!

As long as Double R can walk – he’s not finished with him? He’s gonna end Double R?! Then he wants Brock Lesnar???

Where’s Kalisto going?! He’s not done with Braun???

I think Braun just dropped himself in it – said he could beat Kalisto with one arm… Deano set up the match and I’m surprised Deano hasn’t joined Double R in a hospital by now!

Miz running his mouth about beating Finn Balor last week… let’s see how he does now the little wretch!

Wait a minute – The Miz abusing his authority! He pushed Balor into the referee!

Wait! Deano reversed the decision! And banned Maryse from ringside! Balor hit the coup de grace on the Miz – BLAOW! Break that muthaf***a’s rib cage!

I’m sure that Nia Jax fancies Alexa Bliss… I recall her commenting on Alexa’s @$$… she comments on it more than I do… but THE GRANT SAYS Alexa got NO @$$! some of you jabronies do not know what a backside is! Let me give you a demonstration…

On the left is Alexa Bliss. She has NO @$$. There’s nothing there. Flat as a pancake.

On the right is Andressa Soares from Brazil. YOU SEE THAT? NOW THAT IS A BACKSIDE! A BADUNKADUNK! A DELICIOUS BOOTY! A LOVELY RUMP! If Andressa sat on your little tools – she would END YOU!

GRANT BODY-P!

Don’t let me bring up another example!

I’ve come to the conclusion that wrestling fans have NO TASTE in women… I am just not attracted to Bayley! Somebody explain it to me! You mean to tell me we went from the sexy @$$ Trish Stratus… to the leggy Stacy Keibler, to the golden complexion of Layla… to BAYLEY????

The Miz got somebody from One Direction on his show? Yeah – cancel that sh!t!

Fight brukk out backstage between Samoa Joe and Seth Rollins! I wanna hear what the stipulation is for Extreme Rules!

17,323 booing Double R! Looks like this Kalisto beatdown ain’t gonna happen!

Double R going for the spear to Strowman into the barricade – counter technique – he just saw Strowman’s big boot!

Double R beating down Strowman with the steel chair! Strowman had to take foot and run!

Now Double R should go after Strowman and beat out his blodclart! Not stand on top ropes and hold his arms up! You think Austin or The Rock would have done that?

Oh I forgot about this tag team turmoil sh!t… this sh!t is gonna bore me… I have already started yawning…

Just in case you didn’t learn the first time…

Once again, on the left, Alexa Bliss. Nothing there at all. Flat like still tango.

On the right, Sophia Lares. If anyone should know about @$$, it’s STC’s Edmond Mulhall. Personally, I know which @$$ I would rather be behind gettin it in!

GRANT BODY-P!

Good lord! Sheamus & Cesaro eliminated 3 teams in this turmoil sh!t, one of them being the Bullet Club! Golden Truth are the last team to enter! You think they can pull off the upset?

Nope!!!! Cesaro & Sheamus wins! FLAWLESS VICTORY! Or if you prefer, from X-Men Children of the Atom – YOU WIN! (Press the start button and continue the beatings on  the Golden Truth!)

Hardy Boyz out for revenge! But Sheamus & Cesaro left the ring and was like – not tonight boys!

No way are Samoa Joe & Seth Rollins gonna settle this in a simple one – on – one contest? Come on son!

To the ref: Does Samoa Joe look like he cares if you disqualify him? The exposed turnbuckle in play and took Rollins out the game one time!

I didn’t think they were going to do the Cruiserweight segment this week, and now the dude is just known as TJP… sounds like an antiseptic you use in the bathroom!

Right part 3 of proving my point, to show that I’m not biased… here is a pic of Alexa Bliss this time with her @$$ cocked out…

Alexa Bliss ass 2

Now, check this one… Adrian Purnell of the LFL…

Adrian Purnell

I just gave you three examples of why I don’t believe Alexa Bliss is all that as you jabronies claim. For that reason, I dedicate this song to you…

YOO!!! That suplex was crazy! Bray Wyatt had Deano set up similar to Randy when he does his spike DDT, but instead this was outside the ring! Suplex into the floor – BLAOW! Never seen that before!

Props to The Miz (and yes I give props where props is due) He put Michael Cole on blast when he called him out as #1 Miz fan! Remember those days?! Pepperidge Farm remembers!

That’s what happens when you want to take a closer look at the action! You get caught in the action! Or in this case – the suicide dives of Ambrose but it enabled Bray Wyatt to win… I sincerley hope this doesn’t become a thing with the IWC where Bray cannot win a match alone when we have seen him do it constantly…

GRANT BODY-P!

#GETINTHECHAIR

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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