Monday Night Raw #1251, May 15, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Indy killer

So there is some sort of indie Vs mainstream wrestling war which rooted between Rip Rogers & Randy Orton… in the middle of it, Will Ospreay, Bubba Ray Dudley and god knows who else. I don’t know about you guys, but I spent the whole weekend playing Street Fighter V for free…

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A WEIRDO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY LIKE BRAUN STROWMAN, who is rumoured to be out the game for 6 months… oh man… where’s that Alicia Keys tune…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1251! IT’S NOT A RUMOUR! Fix Strowman’s elbow… OR ELSE!!!!

Looks like Double R really won this war right? You fans lose again!

Already I’m yawning…. BAD SIGN!

It’s KURRRRRRRRRT!!!! I must ask Jerry Lawler about calling that Armageddon Hell In a Cell….

Kurt – you might as well drop the cell on them because it’s an Extreme Rules Fatal 5 Way match! Winner fights Brock Lesnar! Seth Rollins, Samoa Joe, Bray Wyatt, Finn Balor, and Double R!

Wait – does Double R like that sh!t? Or is it the fans who doesn’t like that sh!t?

Double R believes there should not be a #1 contender! He speaks the truth! He retired The Undertaker! He took Strowman out the game! I wouldn’t argue that but Finn Balor never lost that title! How can you argue that! He beat Double R on his first night! That is true! How can you argue Samoa Joe? Took out Seth Rollins on his first day! Samoa destroys people!

You can argue Bray Wyatt though… he ain’t no face of fear – he loses almost every feud!

As for Seth Rollins – he ‘slayed’ the evil Triple Teef! You can make a case for all 5 – er I mean 4 men!

That is one thing I am so looking forward to when WWE 2K18 drop – Sheamus & Cesaro entrance! Gotta be in my Top 5 entrances right now!

It amuses me that Alicia Fox and Noam Dar appealed against the decision by the ref last week. Yes her shoulders were up and the ref did not see it… but Sasha is only gonna brukk her up again! I gotta rate Alicia for keeping herself relevant though…

Er – what – Alicia Fox won? WHOA!!! I hold my hands up!!!!

Dean Ambrose – The Champion! The Miz – the Challenger! World Wrestling Federation Intercontinetal Championship!

No one’s ever done that! No one has ever kicked out of the Skull Crushing Finale! haha I’m f**k!n with you Miz… your supermove isn’t exactly the Tombstone Piledriver now is it?

GRANT BODY-P!

Maryse tried to teef, and The Miz tried to kick him in his dick…BLOCKED!!! So Ambrose thought – well F**k you! Kick you in your d!ck!!!!

“I thought Miz was trying to hook the inner thigh of Ambrose…” COREY GRAVES DON’T GIVE ME JOKE! A ‘STRONG STYLE INNER THIGH GRAB!!!’

ODB GETTOUTTAHERE

GETTOUTTAHERE!!!!

Oh hell naw – Alexa Bliss – the self proclaimed Goddess… I don’t worship that little pork scratchings!!!! This is the part where I put my pizza in the oven…

I give points where points is due – Alexa Bliss SMASHED THE AUDIENCE! The crowd hitting her with What? Chants during her promo, and Alexa is like ‘Say what again with you are a failure’ and the New Jersey crowd FAILED THE TEST! ‘Exactly!’ New Jersey crowd – YOU ARE A FAILURE! YOU WANNA SLEEP WITH YOUR SISTER LIKE HER NAME IS CERSEI!

Alexa says – Bayley cannot get extreme! Does hugging translate to steel chair shots to the backbone? I guess we gonna find out at the Extreme Rules joint! Alexa gonna lick Bayley down with the kendo stick! OH LAWWWWWWWWWD! I think Bayley gonna cry! Alexa has gone full Harley Quinn! Shout out to everybody getting that Injustice game! I won’t see you online – I’m a Tekken guy!

GRANT BODY-P!

NOW I will put the pizza in the oven…

Unbelivable! The Miz of all people complaining about Deano being teef, and The Miz is one of the biggest TEEFS there is!

Ok – I’m REALLY going to put that pizza in the oven… sorry cruiserweight brothers!

Oh no… CM P**k chants… oh man they REALLY wanna get in Cersei Lannister! Let’s be real – Cersei is fine – she AIN’T MY SISTER!

Cersei Lena headey

Watch STC’s Ed Mulhall try and find nudes of this chick – only to find I have seen her naked ‘sort of’ in Game Of Thrones!

GRANT BODY-P!

(Apparently she was actually pregnant at the time she shot that infamous walk of atonement scene so they got a stunt double…Shame…SHAME! RING THE BELL!)

WHAT? A kendo stick on a pole match for Bayley & Alexa? NO! I think Wardle is right – Vince Russo is back in the creative team! Who let him in?!!!!!

I gotta say I am enjoying RAW this week! Bravo boys and girls! and to think, there’s no Braun Strowman!

Let me watch Finn Balor’s entrance… then I’ll grab my pizza – it should be ready by now!

Oh man… you wrestling fans ain’t gonna like this – a less than 100% Double R defeats Finn Balor in a physical match! In the words of Gordon Ramsay, I say this to you fans… ‘f**k off will ya…’

OH SNAP!!! GOLDUST TURNED EVIL! Looks like Goldust ain’t gonna send any love letters to R-Truth! THE GRANT SAYS – R-Truth – consider yourself lucky! It could have been worse – you could have been Ahmed Johnson!

GRANT BODY-P!

Titus O’Neill is actually giving me joke doing the Enzo routine in a full suit!!!! I’m not too sure if the crowd are chanting ENZO – or @$$Hole?!!! This gig is actually giving Apollo Crews some character! I support this!

Apollo Crews doesn’t take selfies! It’s a female trait! Kick Enzo in his head yes!

I don’t think TJP really wants to be a bad guy… he sure as hell doesn’t act like one… he wants that title – and Neville knows it… keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer right?!

Now that the storylines have slightly changed… does Bray and Finn still have beef? I’m still hoping that the ‘demon king’ appears from out the darkness and assaults Wyatt during this match…

Nope – Samoa Joe – TEEEEEEEF! Is it safe to say that we can automatically take Samoa Joe and Seth Rollins out of the winning equation?! Samoa Joe thought he was going to double team with Wyatt to beat down Rollins – SWITCH – Wyatt hit the Sister Abigail on Joe – BLAOW!!! Wyatt is not someone you make your bredrin! He learnt that after Randall!

GRANT BODY-P!

#GETINTHECHAIR

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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