Monday Night Raw #1294, March 12, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I wanna take this time to big up the newest Facebook wrestling group I am in: The CHAIRSHOT. They are supporting me and the BDSIR NETWORK. I sincerely hope they appreciate the style of blogs I do – This ain’t your usual review blog. I give my thoughts from a Jamaican man’s point of view (which means I don’t take this wrestling sh!t seriously, I use a lot of Hip Hop references, and my aim is to make you laugh. I was born in England of Jamaican descent.) Don’t expect me to talk technicalities in wrestling!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1294! JUST LIKE D12, IT’S FIGHT MUSIC!!!

Ok, I got 2 Chicago pizzas in the oven, a Miranda orange drink, and that marvellous Jamaica ginger cake for later… I got a feeling RAW is gonna be a good one!

Right – I’ve missed the first 20 minutes of this sh!t because of the wack streams. I heard Roman Reigns voice but that’s about it… I bet that doesn’t bother the haters!

Sonya Deville fine @$$ fighting Sasha Banks sexy @$$… I won’t put my pizzas on yet…

Now this Kid Rock guy… I heard he’s not down with the brothers… if that is true then THE GRANT SAYS F**k you Kid Rock! However, he did one thing that I can respect – that is – provide that American Bad Ass tune for The Undertaker when he returned in 2000. All that Judgment Day is now business? It was such a feel good moment after Triple Teef and his crew were beating down The Rock every week…

ARE YOU SCARED? HE’S HERE! HIS JUDGMENT DAY IS NOW!!! THAT IS SOME GOOSEBUMP SH!T! THE MCMAHON HELMSLEY FACTION GOT F**KED UP! AAAH GOOD TIMES!

I am so f**ked off with this stream – I gotta catch up on YouTube in the morning.

…and so I wake up and find that rapper Craig Mack has passed away…muthaf***a!

Can we get a 10 bell salute to Craig Mack?

We gotta keep it moving y’all, so I’m on the YouTube… and I click on the Sonya Deville Vs Sasha Banks match, and straight away there is a warning about its content… er… does one of them lose their top or something? Do we accidentally see Sasha’s pum-pum when her leg is hooked for the three??

LET’S GO IN!!!

All I saw was Bayley helping Sasha win her match against Sonya because Absolution was gonna teef, then after the match they rushed Sasha, by which time Bayley already left the building! The plot thickens!

I didn’t see anything offensive… DID YOU?

YES! The Fabulous Moolah Battle Royal! It’s funny how we were talking about this on the JAMMS Podcast and what Fabulous Moolah has done, good and bad,  hey none of us are perfect… my early pick to win? CARMELLA. F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S… get it? Nah? ok let;s keep it moving…

The Miz trying to work brain as usual to turn Seth Rollins and Finn Balor against each other… I’m just waiting for both of them to get up and kick down The Miz in his mouth corner!

Seth told him to shut up on his own show! Can he do that?

Uh-oh! Seth & Finn look like they are gonna go at it! Look at The Miz’s face! He’s loving this!!! I’ve never seen him look so happy ever since he put it in Maryse!

GRANT BODY-P!

OH NO THEY CLOCKED HIM! SMILE GONE!!!!

Miz tried to run but he got ketch! Finn Balor box him down! But forgotten for a split second Seth Rollins is still there!

So Seth is all about Burning It Down and flames on his attire. Do you think my hero Kane taught him how to set things on fire by just using his hands?

So Alexa Blitch believes that Asuka chose Charlotte because she knew she would ‘lose’ her? CALLING MY NXT EXPERTS! Did Asuka & Alexa clash back at Full Sail University??? Answers on a postcard please! TWEET ME @MZATheInfamous!

I don’t like how this Alexa Blitch is talking to Asuka!

WRESTLING FANS ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE – EXHIBIT A! we don’t need to go to NXT! Go back to Jan 1, 2018!!!!

Technically Asuka is eligible for a title shot against Alexa! Asuka could make history, beat Alexa, go to Smackdowns, beat Charlotte at WrestleMania and hold two titles at once! But of course WWE is not gonna clock on to that sh!t!

“To be the woman, you gotta BEAT THE WOMAN”!

Translation… Alexa is NO WOMAN. She is just a LITTLE B!TCH! And Charlotte is ALL WOMAN let me tell ya!

GRANT BODY-P!

Asuka speaks the truth! “I beat you before! I beat you AGAIN!” There’s the evidence up there!

If I was Asuka I’d just kick down Alexa word up!

Mickie James went in against Asuka, but she missed the Mick Kick – got caught with the Asuka Lock – TAP OUT!!! Mickie was crying for Alexa as if Alexa was her moms!!!

Alexa Bliss bex! So what does she do? disrespect Nia Jax… and WWE go and feed some funny looking out of shape jobber to get killed!

OH NO! Someone is on that GTV sh!t! Alexa and Mickie running down Nia! DISRESPECT!

Next week Asuka faces Alexa! But watch this – either that match is not gonna happen, or Nia is gonna jump in and Alexa gonna get F**KED UP!!! If I was Alexa b!tch @$$ I wouldn’t attempt to come to work next week!

Tag Team Battle Royal winner fights The Bar at the WrestleMania!

Wait a minute! BRAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! He can’t enter this? (Then again maybe he can – he has the strength of 10 men and a tag team consists of 2…saying that Braun is a ONE MAN FACTION!!!)

It cracks me up every single time when Braun runs after his opponent! It’s the scariest run ever since the T-1000!

t-1000-running-o

If they cast Braun as the next Terminator – I’m sorry – Arnie would have NO CHANCE! John Connor would be FINISHED! And Alexa Bliss would play as Sarah Connor!

GRANT BODY-P!

Oh sheeeeeeeeeeet! Braun just blatantly told Anderson – “I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!” and dashed him out the ring! He’s the #1 contender for the championship! LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN! Oh wait… you guys like Braun though!!!

WHOA! NEXT WEEK we are gonna see the Ultimate Deletion! NOT WrestleMania! Sounds good to me! Y’all loved the Final Deletion on TNA – I checked it out myself recently… you guys were right – it was so awful that it was entertaining. So don’t complain on the internet saying it’s wack – I EXPECT IT TO BE WACK!

“You have a beautiful family… it would be a shame if something happened to them…” OH MY GOD!!! Wyatt wants to kill little Maxel! he wants to put it n that Reby Sky or whatever her name is! (Yo she is KRISS!!!!) Let’s throw up a picture of her for NO REASON!

Reby Sky

Ok as you have noticed this sh!t is in a different order… let’s get into the nitty-gritty!

Brock is not in the building!!!! UH-OH!!!! LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN! The WWE Universal Champion must in stitches with Sable!

Double R speaks the truth! If you don’t show up to work? You get FIRED! Back to the Jobcentre! Watching Jeremy Kyle on a weekday followed by Supermarket Sweep!

GRANT BODY-P!

Uh-Oh Roman Reigns is calling out Vincent Kennedy! Aaah sheeeeet it’s gonna be pandemonium on the internet!

Good lord! The cameras followed Double R through the gorilla position to the backstage where Vincent Kennedy & Shane are! Shane can’t be there??? This is not Smackdowns?

“GO TO THE COMMERCIAL!!!!”

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Clearly this scene with sexy @$$ Renee Young outside Vincent Kennedy’s office and Roman storming out while Vince ‘seemingly fixing his suit’ is ammunition for the internet who believe Vince & Roman have sexual relations… oh man how awkward is this… Yo WWE – you’re not doing any favors here!

With that said – this is straight WrestleMania quality building! Vince guarantees Brock will be here next week! Here’s the twist! Double R is suspended for a hot minute!

Translation – They are keeping Brock and Roman away from each other until the go home show when they can get their ruckus on! DO THE KNOWLEDGE JABRONIES!

Finally Jonathan Cena… I’m sorry to say this Nikki – you are DEFINETLEY NOT GET MARRIED… you gonna be a widow… you gonna be like Hilary Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air… Cena might as well do a bungee jump and his head hit the concrete floor. The way he talked about The Undertaker… NO ONE HAS GONE THERE. Not the Rock, Not CM Punk, Not even Stone Cold Steve Austin… even when Shawn Michaels kicked the 16-1 headstone, this was nothing compared to Cena’s Grown Thuganomics…

 

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.