Monday Night Raw #1295, March 19, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Word on the street is they have inducted my dude Mark Henry into the Hall of Fame. At time of this part of the blog, it’s not confirmed but dirt sheets have reported it. Usually I say #DirtSheetsAreSATAN because they spoil sh!t and lowers your excitement upon watching this wrestling sh!t. No one wants to be surprised anymore it seems, then complaining on the internet follows…but on this occasion, I wear my Mark Henry shirt. Even if it’s not true!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1295! Are you happy now? They changed the name of the bumbaclart match. Now sit down and SHUDDUP!

Before I continue talking sh!t, I got something for you Roman haters…. while he’s ‘suspended’, there he is on Hot 97 in his full suit promoting the big BIG WrestleMania! Ladies are getting wet in their panties right now! A handsome man in a suit????

That’s why my real life woman gets nervous when I don the Infamous Purple Suit…

GRANT BODY-P!

Wait a minute  Roman Reigns not supposed to be here???!!!! Yo I’m keeping out of this!

They sent US Marshalls after Double R? This should be good!

You mean to tell me three strapping US Marshalls cannot manage Double R?! Now Brock is here! HERE COMES THE PAIN!!! Oh no Roman is F**ked now!

The haters are loving this surely! Suplex City and chair shots to a handcuffed Roman! It must be their grandest day! JR would have lost sh!t by now!

I hear a few haters in Dallas Texas chanting ‘YOU DESERVE IT’ to Double R, obviously the rest of Dallas Texas are not playing that sh!t! Y’all haters are bloodthirsty muthaf***az! Are you gonna get on top of your rubber robot dolls too?

GRANT BODY-P!

I am hungry as a muthaf***a! let me see what I can find in the kitchen…

I know Michael Cole did not just say that’s the most horrific attack he’s ever seen… Er… Braun you have been insulted!!!!

Alexa Bliss faces Asuka… do you think Nia Jax will lead by example and bring the pain on Alexa?

Awwwww Alexa is sorry…. f**kouttahere!!!

Oh no! Alexa is going IN!!! This is the woman you guys love off? SHE HAS NO MANNERS!!!

“I uuuuuuused Nia…”

…and look at Mickie James like a silly fool laughing along – didn’t Mickie get dissed by Alexa for being old??? WHAT IS THIS?

mickie alexa

MEME COURTESY OF MIKE MOELLER

Gotta say Mickie James though… f**k me!!! OWWWWWWWW!!! Mickie looks like that chick who’s gardening you just took care of but she has no money to pay you…

GRANT BODY-P!

Sh!t I had to take an important call… now I gotta catch up on half this sh!t!

(after catching up) I don’t know where Alexa is going with her brukk leg – Nia Jax music hits! It’s not quite ‘I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU’ but it will do!

Nia nearly ketch her but Mickie James was there to cause a distraction! Good GAWD ALMIGHTY Mickie! Damn I need to inject some hip hop in that pu$$@y!!!!

THAT IS ENOUGH!

Oh no! Braun believes he can win the tag titles by himself! This is not gonna go down well with the tag team traditionalists! To that THE GRANT SAYS THIS: NXT. Dusty Rhodes Classic. That is for YOU!

I know Cesaro didn’t just say as a team – they eat together, drink together, and sleep together!!!! If that’s the case – Bobby Roode is one of the luckiest muthaf***az right now!

Roode put it in Charlotte

GRANT BODY-P!

So the Revival have to send for the booby prize – The Andre The Giant Battle Royal… haha what b!tches!

I cannot lie – out of everyone inducted this year – Mark Henry being inducted in the Hall Of Fame brought me joy. That’s three out of the main 5 guys of the Nation of Domination now inducted… now THAT’S A GUY you muthaf***az in Dallas Texas should chant ‘YOUGRANT BENT ON DESTRUCTION DESERVE IT’ to!

Damn it Sasha get it over with and KILLLLL Bayley!!!

Wait! Before you do… take care of Absolution first!

Mandy Rose is sexy as f**k but if she is ‘God’s createst creation’, you are insulting Naomi, Roselyn Sanchez, Gal Gadot, Tiffany Haddish, and any of the 25 women Mike Knoxxx chooses on his show!

GRANT BODY-P!

Look here – it’s Mr Trouble – yes he with the fruity pebble shirts!

“As long as there is a WWE, the name UNDERTAKER has meaning!!”

I swear if John Cena doesn’t get you hype for a match you initially didn’t want to see, guess what – YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!

Wait – isn’t Dallas Texas, Undertaker’s real life home town?

According to Cena, it’s DISRESPECTFUL that Undertaker hasn’t given us an answer to Cena’s challenge! Yo I’m keeping out of this one!

“The Undertaker is a COWARD!!!”

This is the part where I’m moving over here awkwardly?!!!!

IT’S KANE!!!!! Er… uh-oh!!!!! Last time Kane and Cena clashed, Zack Ryder ended up with a neck brace and Eve retreated as far as Brazil to find her husband!

GRANT BODY-P!

Is it a yes, or is it a no?? CHOKESLAM!!!! CHOKESLAM!!! BLAOW!!!! Not exactly the question you was looking for was it Cena????

Oh no The Miz demands respect! Oh well it ain’t gonna start today!

The Miz doesn’t get a look in the WrestleMania magazine! Whose fault is that???

I know The Miz did not just call Seth Rollins and Finn Balor by their Indy names!!!! I bet that got the internet fans masturbating hard!!!!

SWEET!!! The Miztourage was gonna do the Shield supermove on Finn Balor when Seth Rollins thought – HELL 2 THE NAW – ran down, took out the Miztourage and set up The Miz – Curb Stomp – BLAOW!

The Ultimate Deletion… I expect this to be so awful that it’s jokes!

Wyatt is actually looking forward to this!!!

Wait – Wyatt has a housewarming gift? A steel chair?

You mean Matt Hardy got money for cheap pyro tricks but WWE hasn’t? What world are we living in?

Flashbacks of the Wyatt home what Randall burned to the ground??!!!! Are you complaining on the internet yet

I don’t know about you but I prefer this than the first deletion match in the TNA joint!

The question remains – does this match find its way into WWE2K19?????

GRANT BODY-P!

OH SNAP! Senor Benjamin! Brother Nero! Their sudden appearance enabled Matt to DELETE Wyatt! He threw him in the drink!!! I can’t lie I was entertained! If you are complaining on the internet, just remember one thing – IT WAS YOU who wanted Broken Matt Hardy in the WWE!

 

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