Monday Night Raw #1313, July 23, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Screenshot_2018-07-23 Stephanie McMahon ( StephMcMahon) Twitter

…and the guessing game has begun! I’m gonna end the speculation right now… it’s an all women’s PPV, it’s gonna drop October, and all proceeds go towards the Susan G Komen breast cancer awareness thing. SAVE THE T!TT!£$!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1313! On this day in 2012 RAW celebrated it’s 1000th episode. Everybody celebrated. Except me. “I wasn’t f**k!n there!!!!” (Arnold Schwarzenegger, End Of Days)

GRANT BODY-P!

But this time…I was THERE! Well… in my house watching the clip on YouTube that is… and I just had to see this announcement… let’s take a moment to marvel at Mickie James like – GOD DAYUUUUM!!!

Also every muthaf***a is present (apart from Brock Lesnar of course… and The Undertaker – who let’s face it… he could be 80 years old, we beg him for him to retire so he doesn’t end up like Sting, but when he appears we MARK THE F**K OUT!)

“Women, step forward… the men that stand behind you, I want you to know how much they REALLY support you…”

Yep – they REALLY support them alright! Especially from behind!

GRANT BODY-P!

Even Vincent Kennedy is there yo! You know this is big! This is straight CHING-CHING! in his pocket!

Great work cameraman! Checking out JoJo’s backside! THAT IS A BACKSIDE! So don’t tell me about Bayley or Alexa Blitch or any of them!!! (Apart from Naomi obviously – OHHHHHHH!)

Triple says it’s a joy watching them… he had to watch his words here… he said ‘some of us with a tear in our eye…’ he really means with his D HARD PEOPLE!

GRANT BODY-P!

Look at Vincent Kennedy’s face while Stephanie is talking! I’m sorry I can’t help but laugh here!

women-raw-wwe-evolution

50 WOMEN! THEN, NOW & FOREVER!!! YES! Looks like Trish, Lita, Victoria, Gail Kim (Hopefully) Layla (Pretty please??!!) AJ Lee (Hey you never know!) will have to draw back out their wrestling boots! You think Jacqueline, Ivory & Alundra Blayze have still got one match left in them too?

Sucks if you’re injured or pregnant now right?

GRANT BODY-P!

If you STILL feel the need to complain on the internet after this – YOU ARE THE PROBLEM – STEP THE F**K OFF – I’LL SLAP YOU LIKE BATMAN DID TO ROBIN – I’LL PUNCH YOU THROUGH SCHOOLBUSES & PIZZA SHOP WINDOWS! WITH YOUR NO PU$$Y ROMAN REIGNS OBSESSED FAT @$$!

The PPV is called EVOLUTION though! Surely I cannot be alone when I instantly thought of this…

…and then I then I thought of this…

It makes me wanna do a women’s wrestling tribute video! That’s my word! Hmmm….

Everybody’s happy about the new women’s PPV! Apart from one person – Baron Corbin…who is still hot at Finn Balor, so what does he do? Move his belongings to some stupid place and tells Balor he gotta face Drew Wackintyre, like Balor is supposed to be scared… I’m not scared of Wackintrye! So what says Balor?!

All is well between Sasha & Bayley again!!! Isn’t that wonderful?! Sorry fans, your obsession with stars ‘turning heel’ could not over come the love these women get from the kids!!!! Y’all want everyone to turn heel! What sort of stupidness is that?

Is that all the ‘sellotape’ they could provide for Kevin Owens after Braun Strowman chokeslammed his blodclart off the cage through the table? That muthaf***a should have ‘sellotape’ all over his body!

A wha de rarse? They sent Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL! To Braun to help him find inner peace? Ok RAW you’re falling off the rails now… but it is a segment with Braun… it’s bound to be funny!

I think Braun has the idea of inner peace! Close your eyes, breathe in breathe out, and say.. GET. THESE. HANDS…!!!

Braun is like the new ‘Austin’ isn’t he? By that I mean you know it’s coming when somebody about to get buss arse and when it happens it is magic everytime!

I know Mickie James hasn’t dressed up like a sexy power ranger only to lose to Natalya??

Haha Alexa Blitch tried to TEEF and she got met with a mean discus clothesline from Natalya! Gwarn girl!

Nattie gets back in the ring only to get kick down by Mickie – BLAOW! 1, 2 and…3! NICE!

What is this? Authors of Pain and Titus Worldwide – CHATTING? Remember back in the days when Eric Bischoff used to say ‘you got 3 MINUTES’ to get out of my ring? but 3 seconds later you BUSS ARSE by Rosey & Jamal? Aaaah… good times…

Good to see Titus though whoop @$$ in his Gareth Southgate waistcoat though! And his tie not out-of-place!

Seth Rollins Vs Dolph Ziggler to clash again at the Summerslam joint! But they had an ironman match though! It can’t be a normal match after that surely? (Caling for ladders!)

Elias says his album is gonna change my life forever… sorry Elias – that already happened in 1997 (Wu-Tang Forever) and again in 2000 (Supreme Clientele)!

Who the hell is O.A.R.??? Have I gotta google these fools?

Oh my god the album really exists! You can get it on iTunes & Spotify! The question remains – will it sell more than John Cena’s album???

Wait a minute – TEEEEEEEEF! Hold on! Braun & Kevin Owens to clash at Summerslams! But here’s the twist – the Money In the Bank briefcase is on the line! OH NO! Stephanie gave Owens the match, he was gonna hug her then realised who she was! You think that would have stopped me???

GRANT BODY-P!

Samantha Simon & Karen Lundy? I must be watching WWF Livewire! Let me take a good look at these women… they may have potential…

Oh dear their bright hair didn’t help them… is it me or are we just waiting for either Sasha or Bayley to put their head through a car window?

Now I heard about this before I hit play on YouTube… I knew there was a catch with this whole women’s ppv thing… it was a negotiation! ‘Give the fans what they want… under one condition – I want Roman Reigns to go to Summerslam!!!’

LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN!

But WAIT! I gotta big up my co-host Shadfather on the JAMMS Podcast… he predicted it exactly how it’s going down – YES Double R is going to Summerslam… but Bobby Lashley already has a case! Therefore… this will end up being a Triple Threat situation!

In closing, after Stephanie’s announcement, there was almost no point watching RAW! Don’t get me wrong – it was good, but in a week from now everything will be forgotten about outside of Stephanie and the women’s PPV…

 

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.