Monday Night Raw #1316, August 13, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

The Heaven Wrestling Federation has gained a new superstar y’all…

Hart Foundation

Yo Anvil… tell Owen, The British Bulldog and Brian Pillman we said hello… holy smokes… they got The Hart Foundation… minus Bret…

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like…CM PUNK! Yeah I said it! Are you that much of an @$$hole that your best friend has to take you to court? According to WrestleTalk The Chicago fans are even turning on you, they used to see you as a wresssssstlinnnnng…godddddd!!!! If I was AJ Lee… I’d think about that song Eve did…

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RAW 1316! Aaaaaah sheeeeeet SUMMERSLAM SOON DROP!!! Brace yourselves… the ‘NXT Takeover is better than Summerslam’ memes are coming…

Oh Yeah! Renee Young is gonna do her thing on commentary this week! OHHHHHHHH! I love that woman!!! More than Dean Ambrose! YEAH I SAID IT! Dean is representing for the lads though so maximum ratings! Let’s get a pic of Renee Young… FOR NO REASON!

Renee BIG

Renee loves Hip Hop… DAMNIT I wished I saw her first!

DID YOU KNOW? That Tyler Breeze still has a job here at the World Wrestling Federation? I know – neither did I!

Corbin says – this is a Man’s World… If he loses now… he will bring disgrace to James Brown and himself…

But he hits the Deep Six super move  – BLAOW! 1, 2 and…3! He’s managed to save face!

Who the f**k is Ricky Roberts? Calls himself a fan of Elias… even Shawn Michaels himself must feel embarrassed as a fan of country music himself!

GRANT BODY-P!

They say don’t meet your heroes as you will be disappointed… well I’m glad to say that doesn’t apply to me – as I already met Ghostface Killah and that man is surprisinglyGRANTFACE KILLAH humble. But in the case of Ricky Roberts… his hero just told him to brukk up Bobby Lashley…

I know Ricky Roberts did not just try to hit Bobby Lashley with the guitar… somebody is going underneath the ground tonight… and that’s all there is to it!

Spinebuster by Lashley – BLAOW!!! Ricky – I tried to warn you that country music is wack! No one listens to that sh!t!

Question – what the rarse is Alicia Fox wearing on her head top? It looks like one of those flower filter things you jabronies like to do on your gidgets gadgets!

Alexa Blitch better find a way to defeat Ember Moon you know why? Because if Ronda Rousey fails… Ember Moon is more than a threat to that title!

Alexa Blitch just blew a kiss to Ronda Rousey! I know Alexa… Ronda is sexy as f**k!

GRANT BODY-P!

Mind games against Ember Moon? Bad idea! Ember looks like Blade the daywalker had sex with Regina King and out came Ember Moon!!!!

Ember hit the Eclipse! BLAOW! Here’s the cover! 1, 2 and… Alicia Fox TEEEEEEEEF! Ember had the match won right there! She nearly pointed to the Summerslam sign (Oh wait…)

GRANT BODY-P!

Rousey twisted up Alicia! I thought Rousey was gonna take Alicia’s bad arm and brukk it up again!

But before all this happened… Ronda had to address Jim ‘The Anvil’ Neidhart…

“…Our fathers are pillars of strength in a hostile world…they are our reassurance that everything is going to be ok…but when that reassurance is ripped away, we have to face the fact that our fathers have been raising us to be the pillars of strength that our families need when they’re gone.”

REAL TALK. Which is why those Jeremy Kyle Female jabronies who try to claim father’s day as their own – STOP THAT SH!T. Unless you can kick ball with your kids, learn to fish with your kids, learn to fix machinery with your kids, do all that father sh!t… instead you’re there with your gidgets gadgets being an attention seeker on Facebook, throwing up selfies and filters and sh1t, with your dutty draws on the concrete floor while taking a selfie, taking photos of your dinner like that is supposed to impress me, all that sh1t… I say this to you ratchets…

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Cannot lie this Triple Threat match for the tag team titles is maaaaaaaad!!! The Revival hit the shatter machine on Wyatt though – BLAOW! But Curtis Axel was the legal man! 1, 2 and… 3!!!! STILL THE TAG CHAMPIONS!!!

Their entrance music sounds like some Power Rangers sh1t! B-TEAM B-TEAM GO GO GO GO! F**K OUTTA HERE!

GRANT BODY-P!

Seen! So there was a clause in the contract saying there would be somebody in each corner! Been as Drew Wackintyre is so TEEF, Seth Rollins made sure he sent for his bredrin!

Since Ziggler got a Scottish Psychopath, Rollins needs a LUNATIC in his corner! Y’ALL KNOW!

You can’t call him the Lunatic Fringe anymore! Fringe GARNE! He looks like he’s been pumping iron too!

Straight away Mike Cole f**ks up ‘The Lunatic Fringe is back!’ DYAM ARSE! That’s why they training up Renee Young to replace your @$$!

Talking of which… Renee might be getting wet….WITH PERSPIRATION!!! Calling this segment!!!

Dean Ambrose looks like he could pass for Vinny Jones younger brother who just come out of prison!

Either WWE and Vincent Kennedy did some serious crowd editing or they are really with Double R right now!

“I’m gonna send Brock so far down the UFC he’s gonna have his head stuck up Dana White’s @$$!” 

Haters – YOU HAVE NO BARS – That line right there? Had Austin or The Rock say that same sh!t, You would be losing your mind right now!

Heyman has shaved his beard! He looks a lot better than last week! He looked like he was having a breakdown and sh!t! Sorry – after Mark Herny’s award-winning performance, even going back to ‘who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin’ when I knew from day one that Triple TEEF was behind it… I don’t fall for sh!t these days!

WHOA! Heyman is f**k!n with the internerds right now! RRRRRRRRoman…RRRRRReigns!!!! Sounds good doesn’t it internerds? Yeah go and have sex with your sister…

OH MY GOD!!! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING!!!! YO YO YO!!!! STOP IT!!!!

You think Double R likes that idea? You can see it is swirling in his head top!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WTF IS THAT? TEAR GAS? PAUL HEYMAN TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!!! OH SH1T I’M DUN!!!!!! THIS IS BRILLIANT!

OHHHHHHH NO!!! NOW BROCK LESNAR’S MUSIC HIT! SOMEBODY GONNA GET F**KED UP TONIGHT!

“A man can’t see he can’t fight!” Corey Graves has been watching The Karate Kid 3 lately!

Is that a guillotine choke Brock’s putting on Double R? AAAH SHEEEEEEET! Dana White must be killing full set of teet right now!

Haters chanting ONE MORE TIME! After Brock hit the first F-5! Holy smokes! You BARBARIANS!

This also happened right after Ronda spoke about Natalya’s pops… Alexa Blitch and her flower filter friend come out talking sh1t…

Oh man… if I was Ronda – I would SOOOOO cane row my hair at Summerslam and show this b!tch that I’m not playing! F**K that – I would get disqualified on purpose if it meant f**k!n up Alexa Blitch! Break her arm CLEAN!!!!

Oh lord look at these WWE developme- er I mean security guys to protect Alexa from Ronda Rousey! 4 strapping men I might add!!! If I was Ronda I would hire Batman! YOU HAVE SEEN WHAT HE DOES IN THOSE ARKHAM GAMES!

HEY TEEEEEF! Alexa ran through the security and knocked Ronda off the apron! Here we go!!!

Security are doing their job! Kinda reminds me of Takeshi’s Castle where the contestant has to get past the emerald guards with the football!

Grid_iron

Oh snap she got through! Judo tossed one of em, kicked down another, throwing fists to a third! And look at the black security guard just standing there like – LAWWWWWWWWD! NO SAH! ME GARNE!

That was brilliant! See this is that WWE sh!t I like! BARE JOKES!!! You notice I skipped like 3 or 4 wrestling matches? Yeah because it’s BORING to talk about wrestling!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! I’M DUN! THEY GOT TERRY CREWS TO HOST SUMMERSLAM! LOOK AT HIS FACE! OH I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SUMMERSLAM NOW! BRING ON THE SMACK TALK CENTRE GATHERING!

IN-DEED!!!

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.