Monday Night Raw #1318, August 27, 2018!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUURLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

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Imagine, you wake up in the morning, (we are all guilty of this) before we even stretch our arms and get our yawn on… we reach for our phones and check our Facebook and twitter and instagram… in my case that’s what happened… and the first thing I see is a picture of my ‘wife who got away…’ OHHHHHHHHHH!

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like…the Jacksonville shooter…what’s wrong with these people? America is such a vast place – these guys can’t get any pu$$y?

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RAW 1318! I should care what is about to happen but when you find out Streets Of Rage 4 is coming out – caring has gone out the window!

Before I go in with the week’s fun and frolics, I gotta give maximum props to Rhea Ripley… who managed to win a championship, and pose with the title without that dastardly Triple TEEF all up in the photo!

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GRANT BODY-P!

Now… didn’t I watch The B-Team Vs The Revival last week??? I’m sure I did! I’m not watching that sh!t again…

Aaaah sheeeeeet they got WWE legends predicting who gonna win between the best that ever did it (Undertaker) and the best TEEF who ever did it (Triple H…) I mean this was my dream match that already happened at WrestleMania 28….I want to say I’m not bothered anymore BUT THIS IS THE UNDERTAKER we are talking about here!

Jeff Jarrett says the Undertaker! GOOD LAD!

Kevin Nash says Undertaker!!! Yep – Undertaker pretty much ran him to WCW!

GRANT BODY-P!

Christian has a point… Triple has NEVER beaten the don of dons! Not in big match situations anyway!

Mick Foley knows his role! He learnt his lesson after making Paul Bearer work for him, trying to bury Undertaker alive, all that sh!t!

Ric Flair says UNDERTAKER! Oh dear – not many have faith in Triple!

DDP says The Undertaker! Yep – DDP stalked Sara, he learned his lesson! He ain’t tryna go after Michelle McCool, even after his Yoga training!

GRANT BODY-P!

Booker-T says The Undertaker!!! He learned his lesson too in 2004!

Big Show says Undertaker! Damn Triple!!! It’s because Triple cannot win without using the hammer! He used the hammer on Taker before and STILL lost!

Uh Oh, Stone Cold Steve Austin is talking…he knows his wrestling sh!t more than most! He says Triple H will win! I’d love to know how I can say that much!

Even the Infamous Informer, who is an Undertaker fan to the core, thinks Triple will win and here’s why.

Undertaker has nothing to lose. His streak is not on the line, it’s not WrestleMania. It’s not a young cat, like Roman Reigns. Undertaker has beaten him every time in big match situations. Even my dream match has already happened. If Undertaker was to win again, don’t get me wrong I would be over the moon. But this is eating away at Triple Teef like it did The Rock when it came to defeating Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania. Triple wants to be the one who can say ‘I beat Sting AND the Undertaker, the two most loyal superstars in their respective companies-errrrrr!!!’

Meanwhile… Braun Strowman is giving his Money In the Bank briefcase away? SERIOUSLY??? Ok this is new….

There he is! Seth Rollins! Where’s this ‘heel status’ with the Shield you wrestling internerds were talking about? YOU F**K!N HEEDIAT!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kevin Owens answers the challenge! Remember when he answered John Cena’s challenge a few years ago? Holy smokes that was epic!

Kevin Owens truly believes if his bredrin Sami Zayn was around he would be the Universal Champion! Did you see when the camera cut to the one dude in audience? He was REALLY into that sh!t! Probably hates Roman Reigns and gets no pu$$y…

I forgot – they are in bizarro land! So Kevin Owens gonna get cheered all the way through this!

The camera cut to that same dude again! SIT YOUR SKINNY @$$ DOWN!

That’s what you get for supporting Kevin Owens – just like that – he just shut you down by preferring Montreal Quebec than Toronto!

You d!ckheads still chanting ‘Fight Owens Fight’…. REEEE-TAAARRRD!

HOLD UP – Owens hit the Stunner!!!! I bet Austin dropped his beers right there!

You gotta send for the pedigree now Rollins! That was outta orda!

Pat Patterson is watching this match! That’s what Mike Cole just said! If I was either Owens or Seth… don’t let the camera show your behind!

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaaah sheeeeet! Did you see how quick Kevin Owens executed the moonsault – and MISSED? Holy smokes – this is a great match!

Rollins was able to retain! But HOLY SMOKES! Did Kevin Owens just do a ‘CM P**k’? Or a ‘Batista’???? He rage quit the game like that? I know nuff guys like him who rage quit on me because my M.Bison on Street Fighter V was too much for them!

WHOA!!! GOD DAYUUUUUUUUUM! Is it me, or does Trish Stratus look EVEN BETTER NOW than she did 15 years ago?

Natalya doesn’t look amused… and Ronda Rousey looks like she wants to buss up Alexa again!

How the f**k is Alexa gonna diss these three? She just called Trish ‘irrelevant’! Oh my days my blood is boiling… I’m gonna have to call my sisters again…Grant reloaded

You really think that if I was Ronda/Natalya/Trish – I would stand there and let this ugly rarse talk to me like that? This b!tch talks too much!

Alexa is sending for her rematch clause at the Hell In A Cell! Good for her! Now Ronda can f**k her up again!

Oh no! Alexa and Alicia sent for Mickie James! She’s gonna fall in lust with Trish again! That’s not a bad thing… THAT’S A GOOD THING!

While Alicia and Natalya are fighting, Mike Cole and Coach just told us of the possibility that if Alexa was able to defeat Ronda Rousey, Alexa could walk in to Evolution as the champion and face Trish, and Trish could walk out the women’s champion! WHOA!!!! Trish looks like she has another run left in her!

Natalya won that with flying colours! Mickie and Alexa didn’t like that sh!t!

It might be TV time… but this is foolishness! Bobby Lashley f**ked up the Ascension like it was nothing! Honestly I feel for both parties… Lashley seems to be going further away from the main event picture while The Ascension may never taste tag team gold… sad state of affairs!

I gotta say this might be Dana Brooke’s best performance in a while! Anyone would think the Evolution sign was hung up and the women point to the sign!

GRANT BODY-P!

She still lost to Sasha but… still!

Why is this match between Finn Balor & Baron Corbin still happening? I wasn’t gonna write about this sh!t but Toronto say Corbin can’t wrestle!

Wait a minute! The Bella Twins? They can’t be here???? They are so eggs up!!!!

(for those who don’t understand the Jamaican terminology – ‘eggs up’ roughly means ‘over friendly for personal gain’… like – why are they there celebrating Ronda’s success like there was a connection to begin with?)

The Bellas are back in action next week! WHOA! There must be an imaginary Evolution sign hung up in the arena!

I hate Selfies!! but if it looks like this – who am I to complain?

Ronda Natalya Trish Bella

I don’t know who loves the fact Ambrose now fights without his vest – the women or the men?

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaaah snap! Double R is coming through with his mic skills! he will never be the best but hey, if you don’t give props where it’s due – YOU’RE THE PROBLEM!

“Running around talking about ‘Get These Hands’, sure, you use them to pick up cars, ambulances, stages, but my hands pick up championships…” GUNSHOT!

Braun is talking as if they are going to Hell In A Cell! Not enough hatred there for me but the rivalry is there!

Oh snap! Elias is dissing Drake! When somebody like Elias has to diss Drake – YOU KNOW DRAKE IS NOT WELCOME ON RePPiN4U HIP HOP SHOW!

Wait a minute – Trish??? I don’t understand this!

Hold on a second – Trish just used Elias catchphrases against him! She just told him to hold his applause! He probably wants to hold the boner he got in his jeans right now!

GRANT BODY-P!

Elias continues to run down Toronto about not seeing the Stanley Cup… Trish counters ‘Kinda like you not winning the WWE Championship!’

Elias is hoping for a swimsuit model pillow fight! Er Elias… the attitude/ruthless aggression era is THAT WAY!!

“I don’t date women in their 60’s…” If Trish looks like that at 60 – I’d be willing to take that risk!

OH SHEEEEEEEEEEEET!!! WHAT A RIGHT HAND FROM TRISH!!! BLAOW!!!

Then… in the tag team contest between Braun & Roman Vs Wackityre and Ziggler… Roman tagged in Braun…Braun stands up there and looks at Ziggler and Wackintyre coldly… but SWITCH! He utters those horrific words – I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!! And JUST. LIKE. THAT. He f**ked up The Shield with the aid of Ziggler and Wackityre!

THERE’S YOUR HEEL TURN MUTHAF***AZ!!!!

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.