Author Archives: Jon P

About Jon P

Currently run www.cageamateursuk.com which is a combat sport website.

Monday Night Raw #1321, September 17, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I wanna take this time to thank the PWL massive and crew for inviting me out to their event ‘An evening with BRAM’…it was at this moment I realised why wrestling fans enjoy these sort of events because they get exclusive behind the scenes stories…THE GRANT SAYS THIS: I definitely want to attend more of these events, especially if the wrestler is female!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like… Jeff Hardy. Yes I know you wanted to entertain the people, but how you manage to let Randall twist your earlobes with a screwdriver like that??? Damn homie!

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RAW 1321! UN-DER-TAY-KER! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!!!!

Before I go in, I just found out that WWE are going back to Saudi Arabia for the Crown Jewel PPV… so after the women get blessed with Evolution, they get dissed straight after… but I did go on record and say – I am all for Saudi Arabia PPVs because they come on at a nice time over here in the UK.

I gotta respect Renee Young’s professionalism. Mike Cole asked her about Dean Ambrose as a ‘different’ superstar coming back from injury and she’s talking about all this frustration and anger he had on his way to coming back… I don’t know about you guys, but if you got Renee Young as your woman…the word ‘frustration’ doesn’t exist unless you’re playing the game by Milton Bradley!

GRANT BODY-P!

BARON CORBIN TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!! Word is that Seth Rollins is not in the building… if Dolph invokes his rematch clause and Seth is not present, Corbin gonna strip him of the title??!!! SERIOUSLY???!!!!! Where Kurt at???

Wait a minute! Seth has arrived!!! It is Monday Night Rollins after all! One day somebody gonna curb stomp Corbin’s head top!!!! OUTTA ORDA!

Ronda Rousey wants to do the open challenge thang! Who wants to step up and test Ronda??? Come on  ladies you have the wrestling skills to overthrow her don’t you? Go on Alicia Fox get in there!

GRANT BODY-P!

So… in the Bram interview that happened at Riley’s, it was revealed that when you go for a WWE tryout, you get paid £300… just like that for one day…. sheeeeeeeeet makes me wanna go for a tryout! So how much do you get paid for getting buss arse by the Authors of Pain? Yo I got bills to pay – that £300 may come in handy!

Interesting segment! Lio Rush cusses Elias for singing the same old sh!t and Elias asks Dallas ‘Who’s kid is this?’ Hahaha nice!

You see this match right here? Bayley Vs Dana Brooke? Loser becomes a B!TCH! You know why? Because in Bayley’s case she and Sasha came out introducing the ‘superstars of tomorrow’ with the Connor’s Cure thing right, in Dana’s case she acts like she doesn’t need Titus Worldwide… it’s a MUST WIN situation for both in my book!

Dana lose again… I bet Apollo and Titus are probably thinking – aah she was just good giving hed anyway!

The tag team women’s division continues  to develop here! Ember Moon and Nia Jax as a team??? Holy smokes! THAT IS A TEAM!

How old is Alicia Fox??? She’s 32 y’all!!! That means she was maaaad young when she started! Probably around Paige’s age when she started in WWE… Alicia could stay in the WWE for another 8 years if she wanted to! With her Nicki Minaj wannabe looking @$$!

THAT IS A DISS BY THE WAY FOLKS!

Both RR & Braun are bex with Brock Lesnar! I think at this point it’s safe to call Braun a ‘tweener’ in this situation…

WWE CROWN JEWEL

So THAT’S HOW IT’S GOING! I see jabronies on the internet complaining about this already… I know I didn’t just post a song about getting your d!ck sucked by a hot dimepiece!

The mood Braun Strowman is in… I don’t think Paul Heyman should run his mouth on the mic! Braun is liable to clap him down!

You mean… Braun is just standing there? I don’t understand this!

Braun is disappointing me! What happened to his T-1000 like run? If he ran after Heyman it would have been all over! Writers FIX UP!

Hahahahahahah where is Corbin going seriously? World Wrestling Federation Title Match? Ok Roman Reigns… f**k him up!

Damn Ronda got sellotape on her ribs! Did she have that in the UFC? I doubt it!

Ronda wants to be the best champion???? I can’t lie I’m catching feelings for this girl – I see where  Jamms co-host Shadfather is coming from!

Seems like Natalya wants to step up! Alright that’s good!!! LET’S GO!!!

HOLD ON – TEEEEEEEF! The Riott Squad already dun f**ked her up! er… what do we do now?

RUBY RIOTT STEPS UP!!! Ok here we go!!!! F**K HER UP RONDA!!!

The Riott Squad have rushed the ring! Did the bell even sound? I don’t think there’s a ref in that muthaf***a!

The Bella Twins???? Where are they going? You think they wanna get Ronda onto Total Divas? (Actually that’s not a bad idea… considering the women can go more sexually explicit on that show… and Ronda… GOD DAYUUUUUUM!)

Seth Rollins Vs Dolph Ziggler! Seth answered the challenge! If Dolph doesn’t win… then it’s gonna be difficult for me to decide who gets the b!tch of the week award!

Hahahahaha Corbin you f**k!n b!tch! why you throw a chair at RR like that for? You’re not Braun Strowman muthaf***a!!!

HEY TEEF – he’s changing the rules!!! It won’t help him… have you seen RR when he goes off? Ask Triple Teef!

It’s NO DQ! BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! IS COMING! HE’S NOT FINISHED WITH RR! But is he finished with Corbin?

Corbin believes he can win!!! He hit the Deep Six – BLAOW! The leg is hooked! 1, 2 and…. NO!!! Not so easy!!!!

Wackintyre and Ziggler are back to teef! the Shield coming through right after them! It is bare ruckus right now!

RR able to recover… hits the spear to Corbin – BLAOW! Here’s the cover! 1, 2 and…3!!! Corbin go and CLEAN TOILETS!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Now the main event! UN-DER-TAY-KER! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!

No one has a more broken soul than Triple TEEF! YES! Undertaker speaks the truth!

Delusion will be his downfall!!! PREACH!!!!

There was a time when Triple was wicked! Savage! YES! He used the hammer and used to ride with 10 man! That was the Triple I knew! He got rid of Austin for a year! Turned his back on all his friends! Married the boss’ daughter! Drugged her and put it in! Pretended to be Kane and had sex with a corpse! Retired Mick Foley and bragged about it! Beat up The Rock every week with his 10 men! That’s the Triple I knew! DIRTY TEEF!

Shawn Michaels cannot do any sly tricks! Because my hero Kane will be there too in Australia! So if Shawn wants to kick down the Undertaker… Kane will be there to grab Shawn by the throat and CHOKESLAM!!!!! CHOKESLAM!!!!

“I’m gonna take Triple H’s career, but it seems that he deserves far worse…”

YES! He was so dyam teef! (sorry if you haven’t figured it out by now… I’m an Undertaker mark… ) you think of all the evil Triple has done over the years! No Justice, No Peace!!!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1319, September 3, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I made it plain the jump… I NEVER CARED ABOUT ALL IN. But I have to give props where props is due. Cody Rhodes – YOU ARE THE MAN OK! I never watched your sh1t… but I heard your sh!t was off the hook. You have a wrestling future my friend. (Well you’re not really my friend… but your wife… I WANNA GET FRIENDLY WITH HER!!!)

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like… Machine Gun Kelly. When Kevin Owens powerbombed him through the stage it must have malfunctioned his brain in the process…He dissed Eminem??? Best dig that grave… can’t say I’ll miss him though…

SHUT THE F**K UP AND GET IN THE BOX!!!

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RAW 1319! So why didn’t you watch ALL IN Grant? (I was at the GZA concert… Wu-Tang wins over pro wrestling ALL DAY!)

Before I go IN… remind me to pay for my WWE Network y’all… I need to see this… my moms favourite McMahon… just like her husband – she was SO TEEEEEEEEEF but my god I respect her big time… not to mention she sexy as f**k…

Stephanie all business

..and according to @_Aydenn_ on twitter, RAW was awful this week… he just came off watching ALL IN! He has no sympathy from me… or is he right???

Two things – they got Renee Young back on commentary! YES! And Chad Gable is killing the Ascension with suplexes! And not one muthaf***a is chanting SUUU-PLEX – CII-TY! Even Bobby Roode thought that was GLORIOUS! So the fans are the problem!

Alexa Blitch wants to Walk With Elias? So it’s not about Braun Strowman anymore? Urgh – DUTTY GYAL!!!!

Is Alexa really from Columbus Ohio? Irrelevant

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! THANK YOU RONDA ROUSEY! I’m not tryna see Elias and Alexa get it on in the ring! This isn’t pornhub muthaf***a!!!

Hold on a second – Sasha & Bayley are fighting Ember Moon???? did I miss an episode of RAW or something???

Oh I get it – she was teamed with Dana Brooke… no heels/faces over here folks!

Oh no!!! Dana Brooke is through with Titus Worldwide? What did she expect them to do – hit Sasha and Bayley with Steel Chairs?

GRANT BODY-P!

Er… why are Ziggler and Wackintyre attacking the Revival like that? I think I have missed an episode of RAW! None of this is making sense right now!

…Or maybe it DOES! Took out the Revival so that Wackintyre & Ziggler can get the titles! If The B Team win this… COME ON B TEAM!!!!

The one time I put my faith in the B Team, and they lose! Bloody useless!!!!

Are you serious right now? Alexa Blitch using the armbar to Natalya? Come on Natalya  you trained in the family dungeon! Don’t let this b1tch beat you? Don’t let Anvil turn in his grave!

GRANT BODY-P!

OH NO! F**K! Anvil has seen disgrace in the afterlife! I thought the Hart family knew how to get out of submissions?

Hold on a second – where’s Drake Maverick going? He looks out-of-place with the Authors Of Pain!!! Or is that the idea?

Er – how did the Shield get arrested??? Even they are not above the law! I may have to rewind and come again!

I know Braun Strowman is powerful and Wackinytre is what I say he is – WACK, but Dolph Ziggler just said they are the most powerful force in history???? Er…. boys???? Get out here!!!

Undertaker Kane

Don’t you just love when The Shield come down the stairs the way they do? It’s just brilliant!

OH SNAP!!! Baron Corbin sent the locker room after The Shield! This is not good!

This is like a full-scale – ‘I’M GONNA KILL YOU! YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO!’

Doesn’t justify why they got arrested though… anyway…

I’m not sure if Bobby Lashley wanted to go the comedic route but it made me chuckle, mocking Jinder Mahal like that!

I knew it! That dastardly Kevin Owens! he said it in his promo last week – that he hated how Bobby Lashley took Sami Zayn out the game! Didn’t you fools see that coming? Come on be smarter than that!

I thought Brie Bella had retired! Aaah f**k it – if she wants to wrestle again – why not? It’s up to her! I ain’t complaining!

The Bellas have still got it! That’s one for their Season 3 episode of Total Bellas! – Yep – women’s tag titles are on the way surely!

If you needed any more validation, Braun is officially a heel, riding with Wackintyre and Ziggler, and he just defeated Finn Balor… now he wants to break his back off the steel steps but wait! WOOP WOOP! IT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE!!!

One thing that puzzles me – why arrest WWE superstars when bail is pocket change to them?

GRANT BODY-P!

It makes me wonder if Renee Young has fantasies about being in bed with ALL THREE MEMBERS of The Shield! You know women love men in uniform!

OH MY GODDDDDDDD!!! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING! YO YO YO!

HEY – TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF! The Shield just got rushed!!!

Holy smokes – they charged Seth Rollins right into the police van! BLAOW!!! Glass shattered and everything!

Braun threw steel steps after Roman Reigns! OH LAWWWWWD!

I have never seen The Shield get buss arse like this! It took 10 man, three of them being Braun and the Authors of Pain to f**k them up!

NOW… the main event… I see a thumbnail of Shawn Michaels and Undertaker in the ring! I think I need to click this link!!!! LET’S GO IN!

Does Triple Teef have more left in the tank than Undertaker? He probably does!! But he did practically all his career and he STILL couldn’t beat Undertaker!!!!

Fancy that? It took Shawn Michaels half a promo and just like that, the bell tolls! I bet John Cena feels REALLY BAD now doesn’t he?

GRANT BODY-P!

Question – does arena smoke count as pyro??? BAD MAN FI COME!

“How long has it been? 20 years? I have took the best that you had, I have took the best that Triple H had, and I have put you both DOWN!!!”

At that point if I was HBK – I’d leave the ring!!! Well as soon as the bell tolled I would start hauling @$$!

Undertaker is saying is straight – he took HBK’s soul and career! Why do these two wanna continue f**k!n with Undertaker? Their egos won’t accept it! Very much like Machine Gun Kelly going after Eminem right?

GRANT BODY-P!

HBK is a man of integrity! He speaks the truth! I wonder if he’s throwing shots here? because we all thought Undertaker retired at WrestleMania 33… and look what happened there?

HBK said he stayed retired out of respect for the fans! But they are chanting ONE MORE MATCH??!!!! A WHA DE RARSE?

This segment is gripping!!! I am holding on to every word from these two!

“Is it respect? Or is it fear? Because you could easily come out of retirement, and come for one person – ME… and I would put you down all over again!”

I think Undertaker is giving HBK permission to fight again!!! Holy f**k!

Sorry Wardle – you’re trippin… ALL IN got ALL IN your head! AND THAT’S REAL!

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Monday Night Raw #1318, August 27, 2018!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUURLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

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Imagine, you wake up in the morning, (we are all guilty of this) before we even stretch our arms and get our yawn on… we reach for our phones and check our Facebook and twitter and instagram… in my case that’s what happened… and the first thing I see is a picture of my ‘wife who got away…’ OHHHHHHHHHH!

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like…the Jacksonville shooter…what’s wrong with these people? America is such a vast place – these guys can’t get any pu$$y?

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RAW 1318! I should care what is about to happen but when you find out Streets Of Rage 4 is coming out – caring has gone out the window!

Before I go in with the week’s fun and frolics, I gotta give maximum props to Rhea Ripley… who managed to win a championship, and pose with the title without that dastardly Triple TEEF all up in the photo!

Screenshot_2018-08-27 Smack Talk Centre ( stc_wwe) Twitter

GRANT BODY-P!

Now… didn’t I watch The B-Team Vs The Revival last week??? I’m sure I did! I’m not watching that sh!t again…

Aaaah sheeeeeet they got WWE legends predicting who gonna win between the best that ever did it (Undertaker) and the best TEEF who ever did it (Triple H…) I mean this was my dream match that already happened at WrestleMania 28….I want to say I’m not bothered anymore BUT THIS IS THE UNDERTAKER we are talking about here!

Jeff Jarrett says the Undertaker! GOOD LAD!

Kevin Nash says Undertaker!!! Yep – Undertaker pretty much ran him to WCW!

GRANT BODY-P!

Christian has a point… Triple has NEVER beaten the don of dons! Not in big match situations anyway!

Mick Foley knows his role! He learnt his lesson after making Paul Bearer work for him, trying to bury Undertaker alive, all that sh!t!

Ric Flair says UNDERTAKER! Oh dear – not many have faith in Triple!

DDP says The Undertaker! Yep – DDP stalked Sara, he learned his lesson! He ain’t tryna go after Michelle McCool, even after his Yoga training!

GRANT BODY-P!

Booker-T says The Undertaker!!! He learned his lesson too in 2004!

Big Show says Undertaker! Damn Triple!!! It’s because Triple cannot win without using the hammer! He used the hammer on Taker before and STILL lost!

Uh Oh, Stone Cold Steve Austin is talking…he knows his wrestling sh!t more than most! He says Triple H will win! I’d love to know how I can say that much!

Even the Infamous Informer, who is an Undertaker fan to the core, thinks Triple will win and here’s why.

Undertaker has nothing to lose. His streak is not on the line, it’s not WrestleMania. It’s not a young cat, like Roman Reigns. Undertaker has beaten him every time in big match situations. Even my dream match has already happened. If Undertaker was to win again, don’t get me wrong I would be over the moon. But this is eating away at Triple Teef like it did The Rock when it came to defeating Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania. Triple wants to be the one who can say ‘I beat Sting AND the Undertaker, the two most loyal superstars in their respective companies-errrrrr!!!’

Meanwhile… Braun Strowman is giving his Money In the Bank briefcase away? SERIOUSLY??? Ok this is new….

There he is! Seth Rollins! Where’s this ‘heel status’ with the Shield you wrestling internerds were talking about? YOU F**K!N HEEDIAT!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kevin Owens answers the challenge! Remember when he answered John Cena’s challenge a few years ago? Holy smokes that was epic!

Kevin Owens truly believes if his bredrin Sami Zayn was around he would be the Universal Champion! Did you see when the camera cut to the one dude in audience? He was REALLY into that sh!t! Probably hates Roman Reigns and gets no pu$$y…

I forgot – they are in bizarro land! So Kevin Owens gonna get cheered all the way through this!

The camera cut to that same dude again! SIT YOUR SKINNY @$$ DOWN!

That’s what you get for supporting Kevin Owens – just like that – he just shut you down by preferring Montreal Quebec than Toronto!

You d!ckheads still chanting ‘Fight Owens Fight’…. REEEE-TAAARRRD!

HOLD UP – Owens hit the Stunner!!!! I bet Austin dropped his beers right there!

You gotta send for the pedigree now Rollins! That was outta orda!

Pat Patterson is watching this match! That’s what Mike Cole just said! If I was either Owens or Seth… don’t let the camera show your behind!

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaaah sheeeeet! Did you see how quick Kevin Owens executed the moonsault – and MISSED? Holy smokes – this is a great match!

Rollins was able to retain! But HOLY SMOKES! Did Kevin Owens just do a ‘CM P**k’? Or a ‘Batista’???? He rage quit the game like that? I know nuff guys like him who rage quit on me because my M.Bison on Street Fighter V was too much for them!

WHOA!!! GOD DAYUUUUUUUUUM! Is it me, or does Trish Stratus look EVEN BETTER NOW than she did 15 years ago?

Natalya doesn’t look amused… and Ronda Rousey looks like she wants to buss up Alexa again!

How the f**k is Alexa gonna diss these three? She just called Trish ‘irrelevant’! Oh my days my blood is boiling… I’m gonna have to call my sisters again…Grant reloaded

You really think that if I was Ronda/Natalya/Trish – I would stand there and let this ugly rarse talk to me like that? This b!tch talks too much!

Alexa is sending for her rematch clause at the Hell In A Cell! Good for her! Now Ronda can f**k her up again!

Oh no! Alexa and Alicia sent for Mickie James! She’s gonna fall in lust with Trish again! That’s not a bad thing… THAT’S A GOOD THING!

While Alicia and Natalya are fighting, Mike Cole and Coach just told us of the possibility that if Alexa was able to defeat Ronda Rousey, Alexa could walk in to Evolution as the champion and face Trish, and Trish could walk out the women’s champion! WHOA!!!! Trish looks like she has another run left in her!

Natalya won that with flying colours! Mickie and Alexa didn’t like that sh!t!

It might be TV time… but this is foolishness! Bobby Lashley f**ked up the Ascension like it was nothing! Honestly I feel for both parties… Lashley seems to be going further away from the main event picture while The Ascension may never taste tag team gold… sad state of affairs!

I gotta say this might be Dana Brooke’s best performance in a while! Anyone would think the Evolution sign was hung up and the women point to the sign!

GRANT BODY-P!

She still lost to Sasha but… still!

Why is this match between Finn Balor & Baron Corbin still happening? I wasn’t gonna write about this sh!t but Toronto say Corbin can’t wrestle!

Wait a minute! The Bella Twins? They can’t be here???? They are so eggs up!!!!

(for those who don’t understand the Jamaican terminology – ‘eggs up’ roughly means ‘over friendly for personal gain’… like – why are they there celebrating Ronda’s success like there was a connection to begin with?)

The Bellas are back in action next week! WHOA! There must be an imaginary Evolution sign hung up in the arena!

I hate Selfies!! but if it looks like this – who am I to complain?

Ronda Natalya Trish Bella

I don’t know who loves the fact Ambrose now fights without his vest – the women or the men?

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaaah snap! Double R is coming through with his mic skills! he will never be the best but hey, if you don’t give props where it’s due – YOU’RE THE PROBLEM!

“Running around talking about ‘Get These Hands’, sure, you use them to pick up cars, ambulances, stages, but my hands pick up championships…” GUNSHOT!

Braun is talking as if they are going to Hell In A Cell! Not enough hatred there for me but the rivalry is there!

Oh snap! Elias is dissing Drake! When somebody like Elias has to diss Drake – YOU KNOW DRAKE IS NOT WELCOME ON RePPiN4U HIP HOP SHOW!

Wait a minute – Trish??? I don’t understand this!

Hold on a second – Trish just used Elias catchphrases against him! She just told him to hold his applause! He probably wants to hold the boner he got in his jeans right now!

GRANT BODY-P!

Elias continues to run down Toronto about not seeing the Stanley Cup… Trish counters ‘Kinda like you not winning the WWE Championship!’

Elias is hoping for a swimsuit model pillow fight! Er Elias… the attitude/ruthless aggression era is THAT WAY!!

“I don’t date women in their 60’s…” If Trish looks like that at 60 – I’d be willing to take that risk!

OH SHEEEEEEEEEEEET!!! WHAT A RIGHT HAND FROM TRISH!!! BLAOW!!!

Then… in the tag team contest between Braun & Roman Vs Wackityre and Ziggler… Roman tagged in Braun…Braun stands up there and looks at Ziggler and Wackintyre coldly… but SWITCH! He utters those horrific words – I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!! And JUST. LIKE. THAT. He f**ked up The Shield with the aid of Ziggler and Wackityre!

THERE’S YOUR HEEL TURN MUTHAF***AZ!!!!

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Monday Night Raw #1317, August 20, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I should talk about how GREAT Summerslam was, but then Luke Gallows, much like Charlotte Flair fine @$$… just had to steal the spotlight… He’s dating Nia Jax y’all! I don’t know who his former wife was… but this dude upgraded BIG TIME! He is representing for the lads! Who needs Smackdown Tag Team Titles when you’re putting it in Nia Jax? For those who don’t know who his former wife was… she looks a little something like this…

Amber-ONeal-102912

Amber O’Neal (Luke Gallows alleged ‘former’ wife)

Dayuuuuuum she would GET IT still… she looks like one of those ‘dirty chicks’… but nothing is mentioned of any divorce… I’m saying HMMMMMMMM!

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like…The Bella Twins… why they gotta be eggs up on Ronda’s title win like that? Take the dirt sheets out of the equation… you shouldn’t be reading those sh!ts anyway!

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RAW 1317! I told you fans you couldn’t stop Roman Reigns forever… you’re more stupid than I thought if you think you had that sort of power!

RR and R

Look at em… the Happy Couple… Double R & Double R!

Right, I have been informed that I could be a five time, five time, five time, five time, FIVE TIME! UNCLE… so I must be prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice! LET’S DO THIS WRESTLING SH!T!

Amazing agility by Apollo Crews! But this is the Authors of Pain we are dealing with here!

What sort of stupid question is that? Double R (Reigns) ain’t afraid of Braun Strowman? He was in a war with Brock Lesnar! He defeated the UNNNNNNDERTAKER! Braun Strowman FEARS Undertaker okay? Don’t let me bring up evidence!

Finn Balor never lost the belt! It’s only right! He should be up first!

“Roman Reigns, beat Brock Lesnar for the Universal title – no one’s complaining, there’s no excuses…”

I’m afraid you’re mistaken Paul Heyman! The internerds are STILL making noise about that… the d!ckheads… down to the 434 FB wrestling page – who screenshotted  Brock’s shoulders off the canvas when pinned – f**k!n retarded CM Princess Peach B!tch no pu$$y getting muthaf***az – MOVE THE F**K ON AND SHUT THE F**K UP!

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Shall I wear this T-Shirt to the next STC gathering? HMMMMMM!

WHOA! Brock Lesnar IS entitled to a rematch… but it’s gonna be a lonnnnnng time from now! NICE! Keep the door open! Very good!

Oh no! Kurt Angle used Hip Hop terminology to say NO to Paul! You know that tune by LL Cool J???? YES he used that! Forgetaboutit!

Gotta give Braun props! He’s straight up and down with his competitors! Be prepared for his arrival when he cashes his cheque!

Was it Curt Hawkins who broke Elias guitar? maybe! But he’s 0-218! Who is gonna be the 1 in 218???? Imagine if it was Elias… oh shame… I would instantly future endeavor him!

Thank goodness for that – 0 & 219! Maybe he should fight James Ellsworth – OH WAIT – HE’S GONE!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

I can’t believe this B-Team is over with the fans… the B in B-team stands for BACKFOOT!

That’s why Scott Dawson beat Bo Dallas b!tch @$$… F**KOUTTAHERE!

Come on Dash Wilder! Lead by example! YES!!!! 2 for 2! That’s what’s up!

Haha that amused me… Sasha took out Ruby Riot, Bayley took out Liv Morgan, and Sarah logan stood around looking dopey and sh!t waiting for Ember Moon to take her out too! She had a DIME BAR moment!

Why is Mike Cole talking about the ‘numbers game’ when it was 3 on 3? Fair and square? Does he not know arithmetic? He had a DIME BAR moment too!

Dean Ambrose back in the game! Where is this ‘heel turn’ you wrestling experts were talking about? YOU FOOLS!

GRANT BODY-P!

Yes Seth Rollins! Use your infinity gauntlet fighting technique! Drew Wackintyre tried to teef, and Ziggler ate the dirty deeds! BEEEEAAAATTCHHH!

I didn’t even realise it was Thanos he paid homage to! MAD RESPECT!

LAWWWWWWD My phone went off! I thought it was family but it was my alarm… see I set the alarm but my sister woke me up like she was gonna have the baby but that was a false alarm!

Oh dear! Half the fans still booing this man (Roman Reigns) Such fools! You don’t even know why you’re booing him! YOU F**K!N ZOMBIES!!!

How the f**k is Baron Corbin not trying to make this match happen between Roman Reigns & Finn Balor? HE NEVER LOST THE BELT! I swear down Baron Corbin is a straight up B!TCH!

What? It was in breach of contract that Demon Balor came out to fight at Summerslams? F**K OFF!

A wha de rarse? Stephanie taking credit for ‘molding’ Ronda Rousey?

Actually nah f**k that – what are THE BELLA TWINS doing there? They can’t be there???? Am i missing something?? I just noticed them! SECURITY!!!!!!

Hang on – the women wanna be like Stephanie McMahon??? I’m scratching my head here!

(believe me guys I’m not trying to go profane here!)

Ronda is telling Stephanie how it really goes down! I LIKE THIS! Ronda remaining humble!

Don’t expect me to feel sympathy for Alexa Bl!tch… her arm is f**ked! If I was Ronda I would break the other arm!

The question remains – where’s Nia Jax??? Is she getting it on with Luke Gallows????

Ronda only breaks arms to those who deserve it! Looking at Stephanie like – DON’T F**K WITH ME WOMAN!

Ronda Rousey gonna turn gangsta at any moment!

OH SH!T She got Stephanie! At all the women stood there and watched! They are gonna pay for this I will assure you!

UH-OH!!! Ok this is where I truly pay attention! Triple Teef has unfinished business with the don of dons! Undertaker is dun with you Triple GET OVER IT! You can’t defeat him!

Triple just said he will work until the day he dies to make WWE better! GOOD FOR HIM! But dude… you want to fight The UNNNNNDERTAKER!!! That’s not the way to go about it homie!

Apparently Vince said to Triple that he should step back in the ring with The Undertaker and Triple said HELL NO!!! Maybe Triple DOES value his life after all! would YOU step in the ring with The Undertaker???? EXACTLY that’s what I thought!

Well Triple had a change of heart again… the one thing that always disturbed me going waaaaaay back in say 2001-ish, was that Undertaker once said in an interview that he would like Triple H to be his last opponent before retiring… but in Melbourne Australia? Doesn’t seem quite right does it?

While Double R successfully retains his championship against Finn Balor… the monster among men saunters to the ring… I hope there is fight left in you Roman!!!

Strowman is cashing in his cheque! Here we go! He kicked down Double R!

HANG ON – THE SHIELD! HOLY SMOKES!!!! The Rottweilers mauling on Braun!

TRIPLE POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE – BLAOW!!!!

Even though JoJo fine @$$ announced it, the bell DID NOT RING! It was NOT a failed cash in! Y’all gotta remember that!!!!

The question remains… did Luke Gallows become the one minute man? Suddenly He and Nia LOCK OFF!!!????!!! That pu$$y must be REALLY GOOD!

Luke Gallows epic fail

 

 

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Monday Night Raw #1316, August 13, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

The Heaven Wrestling Federation has gained a new superstar y’all…

Hart Foundation

Yo Anvil… tell Owen, The British Bulldog and Brian Pillman we said hello… holy smokes… they got The Hart Foundation… minus Bret…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1316! Aaaaaah sheeeeeet SUMMERSLAM SOON DROP!!! Brace yourselves… the ‘NXT Takeover is better than Summerslam’ memes are coming…

Oh Yeah! Renee Young is gonna do her thing on commentary this week! OHHHHHHHH! I love that woman!!! More than Dean Ambrose! YEAH I SAID IT! Dean is representing for the lads though so maximum ratings! Let’s get a pic of Renee Young… FOR NO REASON!

Renee BIG

Renee loves Hip Hop… DAMNIT I wished I saw her first!

DID YOU KNOW? That Tyler Breeze still has a job here at the World Wrestling Federation? I know – neither did I!

Corbin says – this is a Man’s World… If he loses now… he will bring disgrace to James Brown and himself…

But he hits the Deep Six super move  – BLAOW! 1, 2 and…3! He’s managed to save face!

Who the f**k is Ricky Roberts? Calls himself a fan of Elias… even Shawn Michaels himself must feel embarrassed as a fan of country music himself!

GRANT BODY-P!

They say don’t meet your heroes as you will be disappointed… well I’m glad to say that doesn’t apply to me – as I already met Ghostface Killah and that man is surprisinglyGRANTFACE KILLAH humble. But in the case of Ricky Roberts… his hero just told him to brukk up Bobby Lashley…

I know Ricky Roberts did not just try to hit Bobby Lashley with the guitar… somebody is going underneath the ground tonight… and that’s all there is to it!

Spinebuster by Lashley – BLAOW!!! Ricky – I tried to warn you that country music is wack! No one listens to that sh!t!

Question – what the rarse is Alicia Fox wearing on her head top? It looks like one of those flower filter things you jabronies like to do on your gidgets gadgets!

Alexa Blitch better find a way to defeat Ember Moon you know why? Because if Ronda Rousey fails… Ember Moon is more than a threat to that title!

Alexa Blitch just blew a kiss to Ronda Rousey! I know Alexa… Ronda is sexy as f**k!

GRANT BODY-P!

Mind games against Ember Moon? Bad idea! Ember looks like Blade the daywalker had sex with Regina King and out came Ember Moon!!!!

Ember hit the Eclipse! BLAOW! Here’s the cover! 1, 2 and… Alicia Fox TEEEEEEEEF! Ember had the match won right there! She nearly pointed to the Summerslam sign (Oh wait…)

GRANT BODY-P!

Rousey twisted up Alicia! I thought Rousey was gonna take Alicia’s bad arm and brukk it up again!

But before all this happened… Ronda had to address Jim ‘The Anvil’ Neidhart…

“…Our fathers are pillars of strength in a hostile world…they are our reassurance that everything is going to be ok…but when that reassurance is ripped away, we have to face the fact that our fathers have been raising us to be the pillars of strength that our families need when they’re gone.”

REAL TALK. Which is why those Jeremy Kyle Female jabronies who try to claim father’s day as their own – STOP THAT SH!T. Unless you can kick ball with your kids, learn to fish with your kids, learn to fix machinery with your kids, do all that father sh!t… instead you’re there with your gidgets gadgets being an attention seeker on Facebook, throwing up selfies and filters and sh1t, with your dutty draws on the concrete floor while taking a selfie, taking photos of your dinner like that is supposed to impress me, all that sh1t… I say this to you ratchets…

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Cannot lie this Triple Threat match for the tag team titles is maaaaaaaad!!! The Revival hit the shatter machine on Wyatt though – BLAOW! But Curtis Axel was the legal man! 1, 2 and… 3!!!! STILL THE TAG CHAMPIONS!!!

Their entrance music sounds like some Power Rangers sh1t! B-TEAM B-TEAM GO GO GO GO! F**K OUTTA HERE!

GRANT BODY-P!

Seen! So there was a clause in the contract saying there would be somebody in each corner! Been as Drew Wackintyre is so TEEF, Seth Rollins made sure he sent for his bredrin!

Since Ziggler got a Scottish Psychopath, Rollins needs a LUNATIC in his corner! Y’ALL KNOW!

You can’t call him the Lunatic Fringe anymore! Fringe GARNE! He looks like he’s been pumping iron too!

Straight away Mike Cole f**ks up ‘The Lunatic Fringe is back!’ DYAM ARSE! That’s why they training up Renee Young to replace your @$$!

Talking of which… Renee might be getting wet….WITH PERSPIRATION!!! Calling this segment!!!

Dean Ambrose looks like he could pass for Vinny Jones younger brother who just come out of prison!

Either WWE and Vincent Kennedy did some serious crowd editing or they are really with Double R right now!

“I’m gonna send Brock so far down the UFC he’s gonna have his head stuck up Dana White’s @$$!” 

Haters – YOU HAVE NO BARS – That line right there? Had Austin or The Rock say that same sh!t, You would be losing your mind right now!

Heyman has shaved his beard! He looks a lot better than last week! He looked like he was having a breakdown and sh!t! Sorry – after Mark Herny’s award-winning performance, even going back to ‘who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin’ when I knew from day one that Triple TEEF was behind it… I don’t fall for sh!t these days!

WHOA! Heyman is f**k!n with the internerds right now! RRRRRRRRoman…RRRRRReigns!!!! Sounds good doesn’t it internerds? Yeah go and have sex with your sister…

OH MY GOD!!! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING!!!! YO YO YO!!!! STOP IT!!!!

You think Double R likes that idea? You can see it is swirling in his head top!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WTF IS THAT? TEAR GAS? PAUL HEYMAN TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!!! OH SH1T I’M DUN!!!!!! THIS IS BRILLIANT!

OHHHHHHH NO!!! NOW BROCK LESNAR’S MUSIC HIT! SOMEBODY GONNA GET F**KED UP TONIGHT!

“A man can’t see he can’t fight!” Corey Graves has been watching The Karate Kid 3 lately!

Is that a guillotine choke Brock’s putting on Double R? AAAH SHEEEEEEET! Dana White must be killing full set of teet right now!

Haters chanting ONE MORE TIME! After Brock hit the first F-5! Holy smokes! You BARBARIANS!

This also happened right after Ronda spoke about Natalya’s pops… Alexa Blitch and her flower filter friend come out talking sh1t…

Oh man… if I was Ronda – I would SOOOOO cane row my hair at Summerslam and show this b!tch that I’m not playing! F**K that – I would get disqualified on purpose if it meant f**k!n up Alexa Blitch! Break her arm CLEAN!!!!

Oh lord look at these WWE developme- er I mean security guys to protect Alexa from Ronda Rousey! 4 strapping men I might add!!! If I was Ronda I would hire Batman! YOU HAVE SEEN WHAT HE DOES IN THOSE ARKHAM GAMES!

HEY TEEEEEF! Alexa ran through the security and knocked Ronda off the apron! Here we go!!!

Security are doing their job! Kinda reminds me of Takeshi’s Castle where the contestant has to get past the emerald guards with the football!

Grid_iron

Oh snap she got through! Judo tossed one of em, kicked down another, throwing fists to a third! And look at the black security guard just standing there like – LAWWWWWWWWD! NO SAH! ME GARNE!

That was brilliant! See this is that WWE sh!t I like! BARE JOKES!!! You notice I skipped like 3 or 4 wrestling matches? Yeah because it’s BORING to talk about wrestling!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! I’M DUN! THEY GOT TERRY CREWS TO HOST SUMMERSLAM! LOOK AT HIS FACE! OH I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SUMMERSLAM NOW! BRING ON THE SMACK TALK CENTRE GATHERING!

IN-DEED!!!

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Monday Night Raw #1315, August 6, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

The other day Facebook pulled up this memory…

 

Sometimes Mark Zuckerberg can do something right! Aaah man these are memories right here! This is how the Smack Talk Centre gets down! See we are not your average Facebook wrestling group nah! When the big four PPVs come together, so do we, and we don’t complain on the internet the next day either! We know this wrestling sh1t is jokes, and we get the pum-pum on a regular!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1315! We gonna see Ronda Rousey fight! In her little kilt and her little sports bra…ooooh GOD-DAYUUUUUUUUM!

Ronda entrance

I just wanna get this over and done with because Street Fighter V just got updated and I wanna get my Sagat on and Tiger Uppercut muthaf***az!

(By the way – STC’s Nigel Summers – stop the blodclart complaining – Street Fighter V is a constantly updated game for these things to happen! It’s not like you gotta go out and buy a new game every time for £65… SHUDDUP!)

GRANT BODY-P! I hate millennials!

Elias new documentary came out! Have you watched it yet? NO? Neither have I don’t worry about it!

Walk With Elias out on iTunes… DON’T BUY THAT SH!T! Buy this instead…

Kool G rap 38 spesh

This is quality music. You think Bobby Lashley is into Kool G Rap?

Now we are ‘forced’ to watch the documentary live… this is like soundcloud muthaf***az running up my Facebook inbox telling me to check out their sh!t then I find its mumble rap!

GRANT BODY-P!

Lashley checked out the documentary! WOW! He did the work for me!

Hold up – I’m interested in the documentary that Lashley wants to direct! (No it doesn’t involve Ronda Rousey good try guys) Lashley just told them to film Elias getting BUSS ARSE!

I don’t usually pay attention to minor details such as this but it’s worth noting that last week, Apollo defeated Azam, but this week, Rezar defeated Titus O’Neill. Hmmm… ok that’s enough pondering.

OH SNAP!!!! NOW THAT’S GOOD! Right – B-Team & Revival were in a tag match, both legal members were looking for the tag – next minute the Wyatt Arts popped off and then you saw Matt Hardy on one end and Wyatt himself on the other end reaching their hand out for the tag!!!! NOW THAT IS ORIGINAL MIND GAMES! NEVER DONE BEFORE! Maximum props for creativity!

So glad Bobby Roode defeated Mojo Rawley… had he lost that match I’m not sure I could look him in the eye again! How embarrassing if a man came out all GLORIOUS acting like he’s GOD and then lost to some overhyped idiot!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kurt Angle giving maaaaad props to Ronda Rousey! But not Brock Lesnar!!! I’m still not down with this ‘work on your day off malarky’ but hey – ride out the storyline the internerds be on!

Oh dear I think Baron Corbin dropped himself in it here! Running his mouth talking sh1t to Kurt saying ‘you’re just the general manager, all you do is make matches…’

That made Kurt think right there!!! Kurt DOES make the matches! Double R Vs Baron Corbin! LET’S DO THIS!

But before that, let’s watch Sasha & Bayley fight the uglt Riott squad again! (Well they’re not that ugly really – but compared to Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville… I don’t care if Deville rides for the Lesbians – SHE WOULD GET IT!)

GRANT BODY-P!

Oh no! Ruby Riott is back in effect! She has come to teef! Who would have thought a talented wrestler uglier than Paige would emerge in Ruby Riott????

Can you believe Kevin Owens is STILL f**k!n with Braun Strowman even after Strowman f**ked him up so many times? I think I’d rather climb mountain than f**k with Strowman word up!

Jinder Mahal and his bredrin wants to f**k with him too! These guys actually want to see the box! You know the one where they lie in and the maggots feed on em while they rot into a skeleton?

If this Seth Rollins Vs Ziggler/Wackinytre feud doesn’t escalate then I’m not writing about this sh!t… don’t get me wrong – they will always put on great matches… but to go from Ironman to a match scheduled for one fall? F**K THAT!

Hahaha Double R was bussin up Corbin’s clart, Corbin was like – f**k this – and tried to walk away, only to be met by Finn Balor! Do you know who Balor is Corbin? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES???!!!!

So The Kevin Owens Show segment happened BEFORE all that popped off! I thought as much, Jinder Mahal looked fresh…

OH NO! Braun is underneath the Kevin Owens Show stage?! He’s gonna tip it over! What makes rain hail snow and earthquakes???? BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Aaaah yes! This is what I’ve been waiting for! Ronda Rousey Vs Alicia Fox! with Alexa Blitch being TEEF on the outside!

Aaaah sheeeeeet – Alicia hasn’t read the news! When Ronda gets bex – THAT’S IT!

Alicia is getting twiss up in that ring star!!! Happy 10 year anniversary Alicia!

Rousey is like – ‘This is what’s gonna happen to your b!tch @$$ when mi finally ketch yuh!”

Alicia – tap out NOW before she applies that hold – OH TOO LATE!

Alexa looks worried! And so she should be!!! LIL’ BEEEEAAATCH!!!

Hold up – Alexa tried a cheap shot and it went wrong! DYAM ARSE!

Ok now we get serious… Paul Heyman breaks his silence about Brock Lesnar… the thumbnail shows a distraught looking Heyman… LET’S GO IN…

First of all – Renee Young…GUUUUUUURRRRRLLLL!!!

The man is in tears! OH NO! What did Brock doooooooo? Rape his wife in front of him? Slap up his kids?

GRANT BODY-P!

Heyman looks like the rehab centre is calling him! Dayuuuuum!

But he still believes that Roman Reigns has no chance against Brock! The man survived 5 F5’s… and got his head buss open…aaah man!

But Double R has something to say about all this!

Holy smokes – Roman Reigns said – FAMILY BUSINESS… he’s talking about the Samoan legacy through the ages of the World Wrestling Federation… ok this is next level…

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Monday Night Raw #1314, July 30, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I just wanna go on record and say – Brock Lesnar: I’m on your side! If my contract doesn’t require me to be at work on certain days… you think I’m gonna turn up on my days off? YOU CRAZY? If I was you, I would grab every dumb wrestling fan and take them to SUUUUUUPLEXXXX – CITTTTY!!!! As if they could take the Universal Championship from you anyway… the same title they claim to hate because of the design…

GRANT BODY-P!

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SEAN PRICE - STFU

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RAW 1314! On this day in 2015 my first niece Jamyla was born. What a celebration we had. All you can eat chinese buffet plus a marvellous birthday cake for the hyperactive wonder. Mi belly full now… let’s watch some of this wrestling sh!t!

Do you know what’s wrong with this picture? Mojo Rawley is talking down to all the jobbers in the locker room, and while they ARE technically jobbers now, they shouldn’t be… I’m talking about THE ASCENSION. Everybody remembers out good these muthaf***az were and how intimidating they were in NXT… now they are being talked down to by MOJO RAWLEY? Good thing Bobby Roode is about to talk sense into this fool!

Not that anybody noticed but the announce team are calling him ‘Apollo Crews’… remember there was a time when WWE locked off the CREWS part of the name because some idiot shot up a school or somewhere like that killing people and had that same name?

Just for the record – glad he won that match against Akam… sick of this dude losing and sh!t!

RECORD SKIP???! Elias just said he dropped the greatest album of all time? Has he gone KANYE on the WWE Universe??? I think he has!

Walk With Elias: the album – DON’T BUY THAT SH!T!!!

Maybe every week I shall recommend a new album you guys should buy! And starting this week, THE GRANT recommends this:

114425-supreme-blientele

WESTSIDE GUNN – SUPREME BLIENTELE! Plenty Wrestling references throughout this project!

And NO I’m not watching Walk With Elias The Documentary – F**K THAT! Ain’t nobody got time for that!

I know Elias did not just call THE ROCK a LOWLIFE????? Elias has done it now! One of these days… when Elias is in the ring talking sh!t… and then suddenly this music hits

Sounds like to me he wants a sound clash with The Rock on a guitar on RAW!!! Now THAT would be good!

In the meantime, it looks like Bobby Lashley is now relegated to feuding with Elias instead of fighting Brock Lesnar…

You can now complain on the internet but pass by The Rock’s twitter… he hasn’t responded to Elias as of yet but I’m sure he will soon!

While Wyatt & Hardy do battle with The Revival, The B-Team reveal that the B stands for – BANDWAGON… if you know the Infamous Informer a.k.a. Grant Body-P! You will know that I DON’T JUMP ON BANDWAGONS… otherwise I would be booing Roman Reigns, my favourite wrestler would be Cesaro (no disrespect to him because he is good) and my wresssssssstlinggggg GODDDDD would be CM PUNK! CM PUNK! CM PUNK! CM PUNK!

GRANT BODY-P!

Shout out to Charly Caruso…. OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Charly Caruso

Right I’m not sure how the sequence of events goes, because YouTube mixes up sh!t… so here we go…

As soon as Paul Heyman said ‘Tell me you heard what Roman said about you’… I knew I had to switch that clip off and find out what Mr Reigns had to say for himself…

Bobby Lashley gets props from Double R! VERY GOOD! Now please don’t clash again!

You notice when Double R was talking sh!t he quickly spun around just in case Brock was behind him? I think you might be a little bit scared big dog!

“This is not a prediction, it’s a spoiler…” Why isn’t that marketed on T-Shirts????

Roman vows to send Brock back to the UFC! Can he do that???

Do you think The Backwoodsman magazine will start coming off the shelves now that Brock is endorsing that sh!t? (Yo that title doesn’t sound too right… Backwoodsman?????)

GRANT BODY-P!

Brock just broke Heyman’s phone!!! Oh no!!! How is Heyman gonna phone his moms to tell her he will be late for dinner?

Just like that Brock went back to reading his magazine! FANTASTIC! I LOVE THIS DUDE!

Oh no! If Brock doesn’t go to the ring… Heyman’s WWE contract shut down! LOCK OFF! You know Kurt ain’t afraid – the man went to war with Brock at WrestleMania! Hell – he went 60 minutes with the dude on a random Smackdown! Don’t believe me? WWE Network costs £9.99 a month! Free for first month! GO FIGURE!

What’s that magazine now he’s reading? American Frontiersman??? Have you heard of these publications people? I’m just waiting for Brock to read The Source Magazine!

OH SH!T! Brock is riding this storyline out – I LOVE IT! He wants a steak, medium well, with a baked potato, and steamed brocoli!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! I might try that myself!

SUPERB! DOES HE WANT COLLARD GREENS & CHEESE WITH THAT?

Uh-oh!!!! Heyman – where is Brock’s steak? Medium Well? Baked Potato? Steamed Brocoli???? Not even a snickers? He’s not himself when he’s hungry!

Brock and Paul are not friends!!! Clearly Brock hasn’t forgotten about Survivor Series 2002!!!!!

This is some bullsh!t for real! How is Double R gonna leave the building? No wonder he box down Baron Corbin! The little b!tch!

Ronda still has her hair braided! NOT GOOD! Next week on RAW she fights Alicia Fox! I’m sure it’s the 10 year anniversary of Alicia’s career now surely! I’m sure it was around this time when she debuted, she kissed up Edge, Vickie found out and then she summoned THE UNDERTAKER!

Corbin is going IN against Finn Balor! I think enough is enough… Balor has to send for the demon! Do you know who BALOR is Corbin??? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES?????

See we talk about WWE should introduce the women’s tag titles, do you think that’s where this Bayley/Sasha storyline is TRULY heading? I just had that revelation as soon as I saw Sasha’s backstabber into the Bayley to Belly supermove… very ‘Sweet Chin Music into the Pedigree’ don’t you think people?

Can you believe that we just had an episode of RAW where Kevin Owens and Braun Strowman were NOT the showstealers of the night! I know right!!!

Oh man Kurt Angle is going IN about what a real champion does! Come on internerds – this is your qualm! They are using this as a storyline to benefit YOU! But you still complain because it’s Reigns… y’all know Reigns would be a real champion but noooooo – you want CM PUNK! CM PUNK! CM PUNK! CM P- GET OFF HIS D!CK!

GRANT BODY-P!

OH SH!T! Kurt has locked off Heyman!!! This is bad! I’m gonna miss him…first Ellsworth, now this?

NOW Brock wants to come out! He didn’t get his medium well steak! His baked potato! His steamed brocoli! Not a snickers, not a supermalt, NOTHING! This is a starving man you are dealing with now!

F5 to Kurt Angle – BLAOW!!!! Corbin used his brain – he left the ring! He’s like – f**k that!

Hold on! Brock got Paul!

Heyman just said he can’t breathe! (I could reference Police Brutality here but nah – f**k that…)

Moral of the story – GET THE MAN HIS FOOD!

snickers

 

 

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Monday Night Raw #1313, July 23, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Screenshot_2018-07-23 Stephanie McMahon ( StephMcMahon) Twitter

…and the guessing game has begun! I’m gonna end the speculation right now… it’s an all women’s PPV, it’s gonna drop October, and all proceeds go towards the Susan G Komen breast cancer awareness thing. SAVE THE T!TT!£$!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1313! On this day in 2012 RAW celebrated it’s 1000th episode. Everybody celebrated. Except me. “I wasn’t f**k!n there!!!!” (Arnold Schwarzenegger, End Of Days)

GRANT BODY-P!

But this time…I was THERE! Well… in my house watching the clip on YouTube that is… and I just had to see this announcement… let’s take a moment to marvel at Mickie James like – GOD DAYUUUUM!!!

Also every muthaf***a is present (apart from Brock Lesnar of course… and The Undertaker – who let’s face it… he could be 80 years old, we beg him for him to retire so he doesn’t end up like Sting, but when he appears we MARK THE F**K OUT!)

“Women, step forward… the men that stand behind you, I want you to know how much they REALLY support you…”

Yep – they REALLY support them alright! Especially from behind!

GRANT BODY-P!

Even Vincent Kennedy is there yo! You know this is big! This is straight CHING-CHING! in his pocket!

Great work cameraman! Checking out JoJo’s backside! THAT IS A BACKSIDE! So don’t tell me about Bayley or Alexa Blitch or any of them!!! (Apart from Naomi obviously – OHHHHHHH!)

Triple says it’s a joy watching them… he had to watch his words here… he said ‘some of us with a tear in our eye…’ he really means with his D HARD PEOPLE!

GRANT BODY-P!

Look at Vincent Kennedy’s face while Stephanie is talking! I’m sorry I can’t help but laugh here!

women-raw-wwe-evolution

50 WOMEN! THEN, NOW & FOREVER!!! YES! Looks like Trish, Lita, Victoria, Gail Kim (Hopefully) Layla (Pretty please??!!) AJ Lee (Hey you never know!) will have to draw back out their wrestling boots! You think Jacqueline, Ivory & Alundra Blayze have still got one match left in them too?

Sucks if you’re injured or pregnant now right?

GRANT BODY-P!

If you STILL feel the need to complain on the internet after this – YOU ARE THE PROBLEM – STEP THE F**K OFF – I’LL SLAP YOU LIKE BATMAN DID TO ROBIN – I’LL PUNCH YOU THROUGH SCHOOLBUSES & PIZZA SHOP WINDOWS! WITH YOUR NO PU$$Y ROMAN REIGNS OBSESSED FAT @$$!

The PPV is called EVOLUTION though! Surely I cannot be alone when I instantly thought of this…

…and then I then I thought of this…

It makes me wanna do a women’s wrestling tribute video! That’s my word! Hmmm….

Everybody’s happy about the new women’s PPV! Apart from one person – Baron Corbin…who is still hot at Finn Balor, so what does he do? Move his belongings to some stupid place and tells Balor he gotta face Drew Wackintyre, like Balor is supposed to be scared… I’m not scared of Wackintrye! So what says Balor?!

All is well between Sasha & Bayley again!!! Isn’t that wonderful?! Sorry fans, your obsession with stars ‘turning heel’ could not over come the love these women get from the kids!!!! Y’all want everyone to turn heel! What sort of stupidness is that?

Is that all the ‘sellotape’ they could provide for Kevin Owens after Braun Strowman chokeslammed his blodclart off the cage through the table? That muthaf***a should have ‘sellotape’ all over his body!

A wha de rarse? They sent Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL! To Braun to help him find inner peace? Ok RAW you’re falling off the rails now… but it is a segment with Braun… it’s bound to be funny!

I think Braun has the idea of inner peace! Close your eyes, breathe in breathe out, and say.. GET. THESE. HANDS…!!!

Braun is like the new ‘Austin’ isn’t he? By that I mean you know it’s coming when somebody about to get buss arse and when it happens it is magic everytime!

I know Mickie James hasn’t dressed up like a sexy power ranger only to lose to Natalya??

Haha Alexa Blitch tried to TEEF and she got met with a mean discus clothesline from Natalya! Gwarn girl!

Nattie gets back in the ring only to get kick down by Mickie – BLAOW! 1, 2 and…3! NICE!

What is this? Authors of Pain and Titus Worldwide – CHATTING? Remember back in the days when Eric Bischoff used to say ‘you got 3 MINUTES’ to get out of my ring? but 3 seconds later you BUSS ARSE by Rosey & Jamal? Aaaah… good times…

Good to see Titus though whoop @$$ in his Gareth Southgate waistcoat though! And his tie not out-of-place!

Seth Rollins Vs Dolph Ziggler to clash again at the Summerslam joint! But they had an ironman match though! It can’t be a normal match after that surely? (Caling for ladders!)

Elias says his album is gonna change my life forever… sorry Elias – that already happened in 1997 (Wu-Tang Forever) and again in 2000 (Supreme Clientele)!

Who the hell is O.A.R.??? Have I gotta google these fools?

Oh my god the album really exists! You can get it on iTunes & Spotify! The question remains – will it sell more than John Cena’s album???

Wait a minute – TEEEEEEEEF! Hold on! Braun & Kevin Owens to clash at Summerslams! But here’s the twist – the Money In the Bank briefcase is on the line! OH NO! Stephanie gave Owens the match, he was gonna hug her then realised who she was! You think that would have stopped me???

GRANT BODY-P!

Samantha Simon & Karen Lundy? I must be watching WWF Livewire! Let me take a good look at these women… they may have potential…

Oh dear their bright hair didn’t help them… is it me or are we just waiting for either Sasha or Bayley to put their head through a car window?

Now I heard about this before I hit play on YouTube… I knew there was a catch with this whole women’s ppv thing… it was a negotiation! ‘Give the fans what they want… under one condition – I want Roman Reigns to go to Summerslam!!!’

LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN!

But WAIT! I gotta big up my co-host Shadfather on the JAMMS Podcast… he predicted it exactly how it’s going down – YES Double R is going to Summerslam… but Bobby Lashley already has a case! Therefore… this will end up being a Triple Threat situation!

In closing, after Stephanie’s announcement, there was almost no point watching RAW! Don’t get me wrong – it was good, but in a week from now everything will be forgotten about outside of Stephanie and the women’s PPV…

 

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Monday Night Raw #1312, July 16, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Why are we surprised?

HH N

This is what I support! A company which seemingly gets away with stereotypical values, claims to be all patriotic and all that… we have to remember something wrestling fans, Vincent Kennedy and Donald Trump are BREDRIN!

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like…The Croatian President… this woman is a freaky deaky! Look at her! She wants some French cuisine!

kolinda-1531718898

Poor Mbappe! He’s like – ‘lawwwwwd – this woman is gonna rape me! Hey I’m flattered but – you got a daughter??? Actually never mind – I’ve seen what happens on pornhub!!!’

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RAW 1312! OK WWE stop f**k!n about! It’s all about SUMMERSLAM!!!

Remember now – this YouTube sh!t is not in order… I don’t watch live anymore…

Braun Strowman actually has regret! he regrets not congratulating Kevin Owens on his win at the Extreme Rules joint! That was the closest those wrestling muthaf***az will get to ‘wanting the attitude era back!’

GRANT BODY-P!

I’m not even gonna click the link on Mojo Rawley Vs Tyler Breeze…NEXT!

Bobby Roode Vs Dolph Ziggler – this isn’t for the intercontinental title is it?

Holy smokes! Mike Cole thought it was over, Corey Graves thought it was over and so did the coach, even I thought it was over! Ziggler hit the Zig Zag, Roode looked f**ked! 1, 2 and….Roode got the shoulder up!

Ziggler got him eventually though… no Drew Wackintyre around either…

How can Roode ‘think he’s god’ when he loses every week?

WHAT? Is that Alicia Fox I see on the telly? Holy crap on a cracker – IT IS!

Considering Sasha & Bayley are not friends again, Sasha ain’t letting Dana or Alicia beat Bayley up!

Shall I click on The B-Team Vs The Ascension? Decisions, Decisions!!! It’s three minutes long… there has bound to be some storyline here…

F**k it  – I don’t like the B Team, but you guys do so… let’s go in!

The Revival still looking on!!!! It’s time for WWE stop f**k!n about because Dash & Dawson – these guys are talented as f**k…

If Wyatt & Matt Hardy want to delete these fools… they should do it RIGHT… Stop this in-ring action crap and take it to ULTIMATE DELETION! Stop saying DELETE if you’re not gonna do it right guys!

Titus Worldwide Vs The Authors of Pain again??? Nah I’m not clicking this link. sorry guys!

But I will click on Sarah Logan Vs Ember Moon though…

Dayuuuuuuuuum Ember Moon’s attire though!!! Look at those TICK THIGHS! Her Wrestling panties struggling to cover her butt cheeks! Me & Ember Moon can be on some midnight marauders!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Words from the wise – NEVER defeat Ember Moon by underhanded tactics! Did you see the look on Ember’s face? Or more importantly – her contacts? I’m telling you now – if this was attitude era…Sarah Logan and Liv Morgan would have suffered a blood bath by now!

Debra bloodbath

Screenshot_2018-07-17 (2) Twitter

How about…ah….NAH??!!!!

Oh no! Elias drops new album July 23? Now I know NOT to go out and buy that sh!t!

You think it’s gonna be a 7-track affair produced by Kanye West????

GRANT BODY-P!

Wait a second – Sasha loves Bayley???? YES! Now Sasha… get in Bayley’s tongue! LET’S GO!

(what was that about Sasha/Bayley turning heel? Once again wrestling fans are the experts!)

Let’s talk about these triple threat matches? It looks like to me, the winner of both matches face each other next week, then the winner of that faces Brock Lesnar right?

Dayuuuum Finn Balor is straight beating down Double R with the steel chair! This will make the haters happy surely!

Holy smokes! Balor was dropping straight knees to Wackintyre, then sees Double R coming, moves out the way – Reigns with a spear to Wackintyre – BLAOW!!! No way can Wackintyre recover now surely?

After Claymores and Coup De Grace… it was Double R’s Violent Spear that got him the victory…. yo that was crazy!

In the other match, Lashley is straight killing Elias & Rollins with his power moves!

Now Elias & Rollins find themselves combining their force to take out Lashley, but only one can advance!

That has to be my favourite move of Rollins – the Superplex into the Falcon arrow – was that in last year’s game? I don’t recall!

Rollins burns it down and hits the curb stomp to Elias – BLAOW! Here’s the cover! 1, 2 and…Lashley stops that sh!t!

Lashley goes to charge at Rollins, finds the ringpost instead, Seth rolls him up! 1, 2 and…nope!!! Seth kicks him down, sets him up, Elias intervenes, only to be met with Lashley’s spear – BLAOW! We got Reigns Vs Lashley II next week! That’s how it’s going!

Holy smokes – Mickie James!!!! She got pum-pum shorts on! Nah that woman needs a good f**k! Her man ain’t doin’ it right!

GRANT BODY-P!

Since when did Ronda Rousey become a one woman Shield? She’s coming down the stairs! Alexa gonna get f**ked up!

Rousey’s head top is braided! You know what that means!!! Alexa nuh read the news!

Here we go! Mickie & Alexa running for the hills!

Mickie nearly had her arm broken! LAWWWWWWWD!

Rousey is like – I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!

She took out three officials plus Mickie and Alexa! SHE WANTS TO KILL!

Kurt put an extra week on Ronda’s suspension! Baron Corbin gonna snitch to Stephanie! But he can’t find his phone! Has he tried the lobby? Somebody call his phone – that usually works!

Kurt got his phone!!! It might be a good idea to break that muthaf***a Kurt!

Oh no! Ronda MUST conform! That’s if she wants the Women’s championship at Summerslams!!! Ronda it’s only one week!!! Hold it down girl! Alexa doesn’t like that sh!t! Well tough t1tt!£$!

Now I’m guessing that this was the first segment, but I’m gonna talk about it last if you don’t mind!

I don’t know why wrestling fans be getting all hot and bothered about Brock not showing up and sh1t, I didn’t know you muthaf***az actually cared about the Universal Championship!

Kurt was gonna strip Brock of the title!

WHOAWHOAWHOAWHAOAHOWHAOAHWOWHOAWHAO!!!!!!! PAUL HEYMAN YOU ARE A FUNNY MUTHAF***A!

What Brock Lesnar wants to do, is represent the WWE Universe, by challenging for the UFC Heavyweight Title WITH the WWE Universal Championship around his waist! I can ride to that but he gotta show up and defend more! He’s not afraid of the likes of Elias, Seth Rollins, Drew Wackintyre surely? This is a man (or beast) who has been at war with The Undertaker…. he can’t be sweating whoever is back there? Even Braun Strowman! Braun looks up to the Undertaker for Pete’s sake!

Don’t you love when Heyman feels threatened, he always says this – ‘I’m just an advocate’!!

It’s soon time for me to start putting together the SmackTalkCentre Summerslam gathering promo video…..but before that… let’s throw up a pic of that Croatian president… she would GET IT STILL!

Croatian President

GRANT BODY-P!

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Monday Night Raw #1311, July 9, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

THIS FOOL!

Andrew thompson fool

Imagine! This fool woke up out of his bed to air out this sh!t.. in case you haven’t heard, Brock Lesnar suddenly appeared at UFC and caused a bit of ruckus with Daniel Cormier. I respect Brock’s gangsta, if I wanted to make history and become WWE & UFC Champion at the same time… WHY NOT? I don’t know when this fight will happen, and wrestling fans – NEITHER DO YOU, so stop with the fake UFC posters… Vince McMahon is NO FOOL – IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONAAAAY!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1311! You don’t mind if I throw up a picture of Lacey Evans for no reason do you? This woman is sexy as f**k… in the most classy way! Cannot wait to see her on main roster in the future!

Straight off the jump! Loving this! Lashley stepped up to Double R like – go to your yard and call me out. But I ain’t coming to talk sh!t! THIS IS GOOD!!!! Did you see the smile on Double R’s face? He’s like – THAT’S WHAT’S UP!

And that’s exactly what Double R did!!!

“Hold on a second!!!” No Kurt!!! Let em go at it!

Double R & Lashley is like – NAH – F**K THAT!!!

WOOOOOOOOIIIIIII!

It’s another one of those ‘I’m gonna kill you!/You’re gonna have to!’ segments!

You mean to tell me the combined might of The Authors Of Pain are not enough to hold Double R & Lashley back? Are you serious right now? They are built like 2 double-decker buses and sh!t!

WOOOOOOOOIIIII! Roman Reigns ran the ropes one side, come back the other side, and leapt over like 30 superstars including Lashley! That’s the Undertaker move right there! And you idiots say Undertaker cannot pass the torch to him at MSG? You are more stupid than I thought!

GRANT BODY-P!

Dayuuuum Mickie is that your attire? OWWWWWWWWWW! WWE2K19 sort it out!!!

Too bad she got buss arse big time though!

That dutty gyal Alexa Blitch beating Nia with the Kendo stick! Nia look like she was in pain but next minute she caught the stick like ‘yeah I gave you power… I made you buck wild… HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!’

Where’s No Way Jose’s massive and crew? They should be there ready to rush Mojo Rawley and beat out his blodclart!

Jose lose again… deary me… you mean the WWE brought this dude up from NXT to be a JOBBER?

Now you got my attention! I shall put my name down and so I can play as Ronda Rousey! I knew Rey Mysterio wasn’t enough! But I gotta put my name down for Soul Calibur VI though… I best get me a J.O.B.! Either that or win the lottery…

I think WWE heard you guys running them down about the small promos the superstars do with big words appearing on screen..looks like they stopped that sh!t – instead I have to see Alexa’s ugly face talk sh1t about Nia…

Yeah I said it! Decent body, ugly facial features, plastered in foundation. Yeah you think you’re in heaven having sex with Alexa but when you wake up in the morning to see what Alexa REALLY looks like you be like – JEEEESAAAAAAAS CHRISSSSSST!

GRANT BODY-P!

So is this Hardy/Wyatt/BTeam beef not leading to an ultimate deletion? I think the boat might be missed here… I’m no longer interested…the PPV is Extreme Rules and an Ultimate Deletion fits that mold… SMH!

AH LIE!!! Is Seth Rollins tryna say that Drew Wackintyre likes to have sex with sheep??? Extreme Rules 2018And there are photographs of that sh1t? I DON’T WANNA SEE THAT! NARSTY MUTHAF***A!

Oh no! Bobby Lashley doesn’t like or respect Double R! Right up the haters alley right? I call this the forbidden match… yet so excited to see it!

Has Trish Stratus been teaching Liv Morgan the matrix move? Very impressive when fighting Ember Moon of all people!

Mike Cole: “Why do you have a blue tongue?”

Liv Morgan: “Because I like the colour blue dummy…”

THE GRANT SAYS… Maybe she likes oral sexual activities with the smurfs????

OH MY GAWWWWWD THAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Kevin Owens seems to be in one piece after cleaning toilets last week!!!

Kevin is scared for his life because of Braun and Kurt Angle is deddin!!!

Maybe he isn’t in one piece! He got a doctor’s note! At least he’s following company policy!

OH NO! I don’t think the doctor’s note covers him for Sunday! He has to fight Braun in a steel cage! And there’s no Sami Zayn to help him!

Best get an ambulance on the ready!

So wait a minute.. if Seth could beat Wackintyre, then Wackintyre would be banned from ringside during the Ironman match… It didn’t work out too well… but Seth… don’t you have  a friend who can back you at ringside too??? You know, that dude who gets in Renee Young’s panties on a regular???????

GRANT BODY-P!

Now if you excuse me, France Vs Belgium is on (at time of this blog…) If I was INN-GLUNN… I would want France to win… because they failed to beat Belgium! And Belgium are my picks to win the whole sh!t!

YEAH I SAID IT!

Oh yeah… that pic of that Lacey chick…with her Grand National looking @$$..

Lacey evans

 

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