Author Archives: Jon P

About Jon P

Currently run www.cageamateursuk.com which is a combat sport website.

Monday Night Raw #1089: April 7, 2014!!!

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The Infamous Informer

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Probably the most shocking, heartbreaking and distraught vision that may be etched in the minds of wrestling fans the world over. But as General of the Undertaker Million Man March, I, the Infamous Informer say we must overcome this people… I didn’t want the streak to end either, but if that is Undertaker’s wish, we have to respect it. Never mind all this ‘part-time’ crap, and all you d!ckheads with your fake @$$ sites talking about Brock changed the script at the last-minute, my fellow Undertaker fans don’t need you parasites. SHUT THE F**K UP. And oh yeah, to you attitards talking about ‘I’m not watching WWE again’ then be about it and SHUT THE F**K UP. F**K Off in your trapped in your attitude era ways. The guys of the attitude era want to move forward and don’t want it back so why should you??? DUMB RARSE!

Has this overshadowed Danny Bryan’s triumph??? Maybe… but let’s be real. WrestleMania XXX did what I said it was gonna do: CHANGE THE GAME. This is a new era people, with Undertaker or no Undertaker, I am excited to see what lies ahead.

IT’S THE JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN!!! RAW #1089, HOL’DAT – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZLet’s start this sh!t with the new don!!! Danny Bryan – UNDISPUTED WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! And that TRIPLE TEEF tried to hold him down… he was that dude that just like Jay-Z, Stone Cold Steve Austin and even Undertaker, that he wouldn’t amount to sh!t, Danny kept going and defeated the evil Triple Teef, and went on to overcome Randall and Batista, thus, taking out Evolution minus Ric Flair in one night! WHAT A TING EH!!!! DROP THE BOMB ON EM!!!!

Look at the new championship belt!!! He got the YES emblems pon it!!! GWARN DANNY!

Here comes the evil Triple TEEF!!!! He must be BEXXXXXX!!!!!!

Stephanie looking sexy as ever! The crowd calling Triple an @$$hole, will he strip Danny of the titles?

NO! WORSE THAN THAT!!! HE WANTS TO FIGHT DANNY AND TAKE THE TITLES HIMSELF! HE CAN’T DO THAT! (I think you find he can Grant… he’s the bossman!!!) TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!

Say what??? Team up Batista & Orton to take the tag titles from the Uso brudda? And did Triple just hint at an Evolution 2.0.???? OH MY GOD NO!!!

OH SNAP! THEY’RE HERE!! Shout out to STC Member Manuel Gamage a.k.a. Winston Wyatt! He won the fancy dress competition! I felt it should have went to Susan Brunton, what’s more freaky than a Wyatt? a FEMALE WYATT! She had the lantern and everything!!!! Posing with a Cena dude at the STC gathering!

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The Wyatt Man Dem! Sheamus! John Cena! Big E Langston! BRING THE MUTHAF***!N RUCKUS!

Gotta say that smashed it at WrestleMania and now here on Raw, the crowd singing “He’s got the whole world in his hands…!”

F**K!N BRILLIANT!!! When Bray Wyatt does that creepy move, the crowd are like – WYATT’S GONNA KILL YOU!!! Can this crowd outdo the New Jersey crowd last year???

Ok so let me get this right so I can understand this: Fandangoing is back, and now this Bo Dallas dude from NXT is coming through too? No Ascension??? (WAIT GRANT we still in the first hour!)

And we still watching this Fandango Vs Santino AGAIN??? The only thing good about this sh!t is Emma-lution and Summer Rae at ringside! Poor Santino, he wanted to put it in Emma, and she friend zoned his @$$… not tempted by the Italian Stallion Emma? She’s gonna become another of those silly girls that wants a ‘bad guy’….

Is this the most hated man in the WWE apart from Triple TEEF? Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman, apparently receiving death threats, which I think is PATHETIC. Here we go, they are gonna rub it in now, go on Heyman, do your worst…

Oh lawwwwd the crowd chanting ‘Bullsh!t’…. I feel you but like I said, Undertaker

WWE+Undertake+The+Streak+DVD+Review personally selected Brock (allegedly) to break it… we can always watch the 20-0 streak DVD and pretend it never happened!

My god did Paul Heyman go in and put us on blast, Hall Of Famers, Superstars and Legends, he went H.A.M. on us all! Nothing we can do about it, Undertaker hospitalized with a concussion, we can’t create a time machine, Hiro Nakumura couldn’t freeze time and prevent this from happening. We can’t rush Lesnar and beat him up… come on guys, all he did was break the streak… it wasn’t like he killed a kid holding a bag of skittles and a drink and killed him because he wore a hood!

I can’t blame Batista & Orton for being a bit p!$$£d off for fighting for tag team titles… once again it’s all about one man: TRIPLE TEEF!!!! This is the part where I want Randall and Batista to rush Triple and brukk up his blodclart! Any how they defeat the Usos now… lord help us… and I like both Randall and Batista!

That’s it crowd, chant for muthaf***az that are not there!!! Especially that Philip… when are you gonna… hold up – the ref counted out both teams???? Oh lawwd – Batista bomb to the Uso bwoy onto the steel steps – BLAOW!!! Power Trip 2.0.??? Nah…. they never beat down the Usos with steel chairs about 100 times!

Word up RVD!!! You gonna be in the WWE2K15 game??? My quest for the PS4 has begun! Forget about your match with Sandow… actually no let’s talk about Sandow… this man got character and mic skills, now he has no entrance and jobs to everybody… what the f**k did he do to be punished? Did he tell Stephanie ‘SILENCE’ during oral activity????

GRANT BODY – P!!!

HOLY F**K!!! Bad News Barrett is actually gonna fight???? Don’t tell me they gonna cheer him over Rey Mysterio… OH NO! HE’S GOT SOME BAD NEWS!!! Rey is like – SHUDDUP!!!! I sound like the IWC when I say – this is bad booking!

Oh yes! the Ravishing Russian Lana!!! Come here let me go chojin on your sexy @$$!

Ok let me see what this Alexander Rusev can do…

he’s up against Wack Ryder??? KILL HIM RUSEV!

HA! HA! HA! Somebody got a sign saying ‘Hey Rusev, how much for the blonde??’ LanaLOVE IT!!!

Debra move over – this Lana woman – MY GOD!!!!! I’d ramm my cocky up that tight up skirt!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

By the way somebody named Peaches Geldof died….you know her? Nah me neither…

I was hoping that the Ultimate Warrior would run down to the ring and shake the ropes crazy… well he shook the ropes!!!! YEAH MAN!!!! He’s dropping that promo that don’t make sense but it sounds DAN!!!!!! That’s what’s up!!!! That’s the man who made me an official wrestling fan!!! How can I front on that!!!

BDSIR LAYLA GRANTTamina is looking sexier and sexier each day…. f**k you haters talking about she has ‘man features’…. your woman nuh look good, f**k outta here! Well done AJ! 295 days!!!! Damn you could make 434 for real!!!! But you took Naomi’s hand and forced her to tap out! That ain’t right! That’s TEEF!

OH SNAP!!!! PAIGE?????? RAH-TID!!!! This should be good!

But since you wanna run down my Tamina, I don’t think Paige is all that, she too pale for me! She look like she plastered her face with Oil of Olay! One more application and she look like Clay Face from Batman! AJ wants to put her divas title on the line????

This could be history right here!!!! This could be a John Cena Vs Kurt Angle moment right here! And she could get props even if she loses!

I swore down Paige tapped to the Black Widow…. but f**k that – she just won the Divas Title!!!! 295 day reign DUN!!!!!

I cannot lie, it was one thing Cesaro winning, but it was THE WAY HE WON, dashed out the Big Show similar to when Hulk Hogan slammed André at WrestleMania 3! But wait! If the Real Americans have split up, is Zeb Colter rolling with Cesaro now? What about Wack Swagger???

Hold up – Cesaro is a Paul Heyman Guy???? What the f**k??? When did this happen??? But-but-but??? Wrestling historians help a brother out here!

NO! DISRESPECT!!! The André The Giant trophy destroyed by Wack Swagger!! He’s going to hell – he disrespect the dead – NEVER EVER SUPPORT THIS MAN!

Wait a minute fans! You can’t chant We The People now! You would be supporting Wack Swagger here! Paul Heyman doesn’t go by that motto! So Heyman is the advocate of Lesnar and Cesaro… well Rybaxel ain’t gonna like that sh!t!

Are the crowd calling Swagger a pu$$y??? Y’all need to change that music too… it might be catchy but Cesaro ain’t on that team no more!

OH NO!!! Stephanie McTEEF has got My hero Kane and The Shield to make sure that Triple becomes champion!!!! Er Danny…. er… anyone gotta baseball bat in the house? (I heard the rumours, I am yet to be convinced…) The fact that Stephanie doesn’t care what happened to Kane’s brother (and acknowledges him as such) makes me wanna pull her hair from behind, sex her up from behind, and then afterwards TOMBSTONE her rarse into the floor! Undertaker might be contemplating retirement… but that doesn’t mean he won’t appear behind Stephanie and Tombstone her! You saw what happened to Vickie Guerrero!!!

Look pon this! Batista and Randall assaulting Danny! What do they expect? they were the ones who teefed Danny in the first place!

My hero Kane! Chokeslam to Danny – BLAOW!!!! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!!

The referee is forced to ring the bell! Oh my god no! Triple TEEF got the shovel out! And The Shield work for nobody! Can you imagine if The Shield Powerbomb

Triple into the floor??? IT WOULD BE HUGE!

ROMAN REIGNS SPEARED TRIPLE TEEF AND IT’S RUCKUS!!! BUMBACLART! So much for that title match!

The battleground is set, Evolution, & Kane, vs The Shield and Danny Bryan… I’m guessing it will be either SmackDown or next week….

Oh yeah, where Sting deh??? So much for that rumour! Either Undertaker wasn’t there to trigger Sting or Sting just hasn’t signed sh!t! But yo, RAW WAS DAN THIS WEEK! It is a NEW ERA! WrestleMania changed the game and it has shown.

#VOCAREADREGNUM!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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The Jobber Blogger #99 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 3/4/14

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The Jobber Blogger

What is it about Collecting things that makes you obsessed, and crazy, like a Cat with a Fresh Ball of Yarn! I don’t even know if that really makes them all that crazy, I do know that if you tickle a Ferret, watch out for your feet! Hands, finger tips, bags, poop. They get in your poop!

So it’s Wrestling’s Prime Time of the year, WrestleMania is upon us, Tonight, actually. And I know last week I said I won’t watch it… guess what… part of me thinks I just might. I can always skip it right? I don’t need to watch every second. But there is something special about WrestleMania 30, I remember WrestleMania 20 very well, despite the naffness of Chris Benoit winning the World Heavyweight Championship, it was a pretty decent show. Now pretty decent is what best sums up my opinion when I watch the “big” WWE events. They are never “good” to me anymore. I watched when The Rock came back… that sucked. And I was a huge fan of his growing up, and now I’m perfectly happy to agree with my friends Brother that Rock sucked, I was just too young to notice.

But WrestleMania 30 has Hulk Hogan back, it has the greats in the Hall of Fame like Jake Roberts, Scott Hall “Razor”, and The Ultimate Warrior. Funny thing is this, it bugs me that Hall is going in as Razor Romon, but then I love the idea of an nWo induction. But to be fair, Ric Flair is in it twice, no one has been inducted as a “Character” to this degree. But still, Hall looks phenomenal, and that is brilliant to see, same with Roberts. It also bugs me Lita is in the Hall of Fame, when let’s be honest, she was only popular because she was attached to The Hardyz, who aren’t even close to being in the Hall of Fame. But then maybe that’s because Lita is at the end of her career, Matt is doing… problems, and Jeff is having the best time of his Career over in TNA.

See I wrote a whole piece on The Ultimate Warrior when he was announced to be the first inductee into this year’s Hall of Fame, and just like I expected, he’s still a douche. That doesn’t mean I don’t think he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, I think he does, his work as The Ultimate Warrior is untouchable, and fantastic, and it should be honoured and

remembered the right way. But I’ve only seen a minute and a bit of his HOF speech, and it’s already convoluted BS about how people tried to make him out to be something he isn’t. I genuinely think he has a screw loose, he can’t seem to see any of his actions as being Wrong. How many times does this guy need to get fired and black balled, and hated, before he realises that the problem is him. Idiot.

But the big news story is this, what kind of show does TNA put on to counter balance that massive weight of the Industries biggest spectacle. A good one, is the short answer… that I actually hoped would maybe be slightly better. But before I get carried away, Read on you mighty heroes, and let’s make an Impact!

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TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 3/4/14

 

So yes, this isn’t TNA’s PPV, they’re probably not going to go overboard with it. Next week Impact is airing live (Woooo!) so hopefully that will be better, it’s a whole different animal when it’s Live. And of course Sacrifice is closing out the Month (the day before my Birthday yay!) as TNA’s big April event.

Saying that, there is no way TNA wasn’t trying to put on the best show they could, and in that regard, they succeeded.

Ethan Carter the Third and Bobby Roode vs. Bully Ray and Willow – Tables Match

 

 

Impact kicked off with the Tables match ready to go, and anyone who reads my internet drivel will know that I LOVED IT! What better way to kick off a show, than with a Match, and not just any match, a Tables match. I just remember from my youth getting up for 10am to watch WWF Smackdown on SkyOne, and for the longest time the Hardyz kicked off the show with some amazing Tag-Team matches. But I remember for SmackDown X, I believe, they kicked off the show with a Tables match, I forget who was in it exactly, I think a safe bet would be the Dudleys, maybe E&C.

Anywho, TNA is best when it’s not all about Storylines and talking them out to you in Wrestling’s overdone mundane fashion. Though I do believe the worst of that was to make you annoyed…but if you want people to continue watching,…. then maybe not such a good idea.

I think the dynamic once again of a Hardy – Bully team up is great purely for their history alone. But then also, Bully did screw over Hardy when he turned on him and revealed himself the President of The Aces and Eights and took the World title… but then he didn’t seem to mind that so much.

Willow is awesome… I think if they could add a Reverb onto Jeff’s backstage promos, and use the same Camera effect, he would be awesome everywhere. But his entrance is great, his music is great, and I love his more unusual move set, albeit the majority is just Jeff’s usual carry on.

A couple of Poetry in Motions and a What’s Up later, everyone has gleaming from Nostalgia, Bully got the crowd chanting “Get the Tables” and everything was perfect. Awesome crowd, awesome performers.

To make it better, TNA’s golden nugget, Rockstar Spud himself, wheeled down to ringside in his Wheelchair, where he was met with a rather nasty looking Dropkick.

Willow Doprkick

Willow then picked up Spud and carried him backstage, I was actually sort of wanting him to throw Spud off the stage through some Tables… is that too violent? I just sort of… craved it.

In the end Willow didn’t come back to help Bully, and the odds were against him as EC3 and Roode got the advantage. A Short Spine Buster through a Table later, and Roode and EC3 picked up the win.

But to satisfy everyone’s lust for violence, and as I said last week, I hate just having One Table be the deciding factor. So Roode then “Roode Bombed” (hate that name) Bully through another Table, and then set up a Third Table where he Splashed Bully through itfrom the Top Rope.

Bully vs. Roode – Tables Match at Sacrifice? Something Hardcore is coming, my wishful thinking instantly goes to a Two out of Three Falls – Wrestling Match / Tables Match / No Holds Barred? Something along those lines. Also Bully was great, and I don’t need to sing Roode’s praises any more…. do I? – Best all round legit Wrestler today, love him!

Mr. Anderson vs. Samuel Shaw – Straight Jacket Match

 

So I forgot that this was a Straight Jacket match, one of Wrestlings more dumb inventions. Like the Bull-Rope, or Four-Corners.. Bull-Rope? Where you need to Tap all Four Corners to Win whilst Tied to your opponent. I like them all the same, but they’re a little silly at times… Casket match.

They pushed the “Creepy Bastard” angle a little more, and I fear it’s starting to wear thin, I know I was an advocate of the Chant, but I feel TNA is now just editing it in to get it going. More power to them, it’s still awesome, just don’t force it.

To say that Shaw is the creepy one, the Camera then Cut to this guy in the crowd, who I think takes the prize?


Creepy Fan

Anderson and Shaw did the best they could, but I am starting to feel Anderson is wearing thin again, this is what I was afraid of. Anderson is great, but his best run was with The Aces and Eights, where he didn’t need to be “Mr. Anderson” and do the whole Mic intro thing. He did it tonight, but rushed, and it’s like he just can’t be bothered to go through the Motions … all the time. And I don’t think he should, he should save it for special occasions. Maybe a heel turn is in need, or something that puts him on a different level. Though I do feel the pairing between he and Shaw is a good match.

In the end Shaw locked on his Choke Hold and choked out Anderson, and awkwardly put him in the Straight Jacket for the win. Also Shaw had a busted nose… which he then rubbed in Andersons hair.. so that’s nice.

Tigre Uno vs. Sanada – X-Division Championship – Best of 3 Series

 

Okay, so let’s jump right into the depth with this one. This is a bit of Salt and Pepper, Good and Bad. Though I’m actually more of a Pepper fan than Salt, so maybe that makes me a

“bad guy”…. like Walt Disney… despite the obvious similarities to Walt and Salt.

Walt Salt Guy

I'm a Pepper Guy

A New T-Shirt Idea!

So let’s go the Good News First…. that’s the Salt News for those keeping up at home… or no one.

The good news is that we have Tigre Uno vs. Sanada in a Best of 3 Series! Again, any long time readers will no doubt have heard me prattle on about how I long for another “Best of” series, I would have preferred Best of 5, but I’m not going to let that ruin my enjoyment… currently.

The Bad News, or Pepper News, is just where the hell is Austin Aries?

Sanada took the belt from Aries, after Aries spent how long winning it? He drops the belt to him to put over the Wrestle1 event. Got it. Am I supposed to expect Aries not to cash in his Rematch? Or even try and win it back. This is Aries’ ticket to the Main Events at Destination X, a mere matter of 2 Months away. And he’s just sitting back, letting Tigre Uno, a new comer, who hasn’t done anything to deserve a Number One Contenders shot, outside of the fact that these will make good matches.

AUSTIN ARIES DAMN IT!

Anywho!

Someone else took offense at this, and it was the Returning Kenny King- King of the Night! So King is back being slightly more egotistical than he was prior. Which is cool, I like it, but at the same time, I don’t buy it. I think you can tell he’s “working at it” rather than that’s who he is. But I love Kenny King, hell of a Wrestler.

He blabbed on about being the biggest star, returning to Impact, and he showed up last week and MVP didn’t let him on the show, stating he can get on the show this week, but apparently that’s not the case either, so really MVP’s the Ultimate Warrior in this case…

Douche.. if you didn’t connect the dots.

Anyway, MVP came out to correct the problem, and in the end Kenny talked himself into an “Exhibition” match with MVP later on.

Also props to King’s comment of Back Flipping out of his Mother’s womb, no doubt the Doctor met that with a High Five.

Though of course, we all Remember his last attempted “Show Off” Back flip right?

King Watch This

Tigre and Sanada put on a great match too, though a little over shadowed by the set up of King vs. MVP, which also whilst on the topic, was a great way to set up the match.

There is no doubt that Uno and Sanada are close to the top of their chosen Division, I would say at the top.. but again… Austin Aries.

I feel that Uno could quite easily take the Belt, which would lead to Great Muta being dissapointed in Sanada, and maybe they will have a match at Slammiversary.. just a guess, and then maybe Sanada will stay with Impact, or more likely go back to Japan. I hope to see him stay with Impact.

Uno on the other hand might end up in the Cross Hairs of a returning and hungry Austin Aries… and or Kenny King. On to the road to Destination X, I also wouldn’t count out Samoa Joe hunting down the Gold for one last shot at Magnus.

Tigre Uno attempted a Leap  / Split Leg Moonsault which was counted by Sanada, who followed it up with a perfect and impressive Double Underhook Back Suplex into a Bridge for the Win.

The Story of Knux continues… I fail to see how cementing his life around his Fathers failed dream of a Circus… Fair, is going to lead to Knux being a formidable Wrestler. But who knows… Clown Gang.

 

The Beautiful People vs. Madison Rayne and Brittany

How good is it to have The Beautiful People back, really good is the correct answer! Though I can’t say I was a huge fan of the brightly coloured fluffy attire. Which Angelina actually wore better than Velvet. That’s right, I’m a Fashion Critic now.

Brittany approached Madison earlier on in the night to ask to be her Partner, which Madison refused, not wanting her involved with Angelina and Velvet, but she worked her way in anyway… in a rather creepy fashion. Perhaps Shaw is after the wrong girl?

Still, Brittany tagged herself in, and then lost the match thanks to the “Make-Over” and The Beautiful People won.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Brittany joins up with them… Just saying. Let’s hope Lacey Von Erich doesn’t come back though… she was awful.

Kenny King vs. MVP – Exhibition Match

So the rules of this Match are a little scarce, but it’s just to “spar” pretty much. Wrestle it out, show what you got, but no punching or kicking, or body slams etc. Just basic, old school, chain Wrestling. And it was very entertaining. Both MVP and King are impressive, I’d give the slight edge to King.

But in the end of course they ended up Brawling, and the match gets thrown out. Security come down to break it up and King takes one last shot at MVP before making his exit.

Then backstage MVP attacked King which was Broken up by The Wolves, trying to get MVP to see sense in his actions.

Also the Wolves were “supposed” to Wrestle the Bromans on this show for the Tag-Team Championships, but Jesse is “injured” so it all works out nicely for promotion for next week, which I wouldn’t be surprised to see The Wolves take the belts. Or get screwed, and then Take the belts at Sacrifice. More likely they will win and defend the belts at Sacrifice, maybe in a Three-Way?

Samoa Joe vs. Eric Young vs. Abyss vs. Magnus – World Heavyweight Championship

So this is the big one, it’s been building and last week was great to set it up.

Earlier on in the night we saw that Magnus had bought Abyss a suit, where Magnus claimed “we’ve never seen him like this before”… except for over a year as Joseph Park.. but I get his meaning.

Abyss Suit

Magnus then told him he loves him and give him a big cuddle.

To be fair, I actually expected a little more out of this match. There was nothing wrong with it,

and it ended the safe way, like most would expect. But there were very little high spots, if any.

A good old fashioned all hell breaks loose type of match would have been awesome. A good few shots with the Steel Steps, some throwing into the Guard Rails, maybe even EY and Abyss brawling through the Crowd, or some action on the Ramp. Off the ramp? Something like that to break it up, and put some sense of emergency in Magnus losing his belt.

As it happened, Abyss did everything Magnus wanted, Joe had a very mild outing, and EY though impressive, took the brunt of the abuse. Abyss dropped EY with the Blackhole Slam, and as he would have normally instincively gone for the Cover, Magus stopped him from doing so. Told him he loved him once more, dropped a Top Rope Elbow Drop and retained his Championship.

Not sure where things go from here, but I for one don’t want Samoa Joe in the picture anymore. He’s been at the top for the last Month and a Bit, and it’s boring now. I don’t want him to come out and whine anymore.

To close out the show however was a little vignette promoting next week’s Impact, and the Return of Dixie Carter! So that should be good… though could also be… not good?

Over all though Impact was yet another great show, packed full of Wrestling, and that’s what you want!

Till next week! Maybe check out WrestleMania for… nah, screw it. Probably sucks.

Dan.

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The Jobber Blogger #98 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 27/3/14

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For the second week running it seems things have been slowing down. Which shows what I know, because actually thinking about it, last week I was bang on time! The week before I was rather late. And this week… slightly better, less excuses. Well, aside from the general business of one’s life, and finding the time to write up a Wrestling blog in ones spare time and motivation and the lark. I really should try and kick these off with a bit more “spunk”. I actually find it rather handy to send these out to the many jobs I apply for wanting to promote myself as a Writer, and then I write about how much of a lack of motivation I have to write to these things on a Weekly basis.

I’m joking you cynical people! Sometimes it just takes longer to find the perfect gap to slip ones written work into. I should have got this started when I was bubbling over with energy from watching the show, because this week’s Impact was Fantastic!

And for me, the best Impact of recent memory, though the last Three shows since Lockdown have been on top form. But as we sail into WrestleMania weekend (which I will not be watching, for the record, though I am open to finding certain video clips should anything interesting happen), TNA is my chosen entertainment, and I can’t wait to see what they do to compete with the Big Boys.

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TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 27/3/14

Yes, we’re officially in April… what happened to the last 4 Months? It’s nearly my Birthday!

Christmas came and went, then New Year, and Birthdays and other special occasions and now we’re in April and this is even a Day later then it was when I started it last night.

Impact started with Promo’s but then, I do like that at times, least when they have something relevant to say, or something exciting that could happen. And given Magnus’ victory last week over Joe thanks to Abyss’ help, things started to paint a clear picture of where they might end up.

MVP kicked off Impact, talking about Talent on equal footing, but with the ending of last week and Abyss’ interference, it put him in a position to make an “executive decision”.

Magnus and Abyss wasted no time in getting in MVP’s business, which is when Magnus laid out the paper work of Abyss’ deal. Apparently he is just contracted to Magnus, and not to TNA.

I didn’t know you could contract things like to yourselves, regardless, you could see where this was heading, and it’s end result was glorious!

If Abyss can only be in the ring or near the ring when Magnus was in the ring, then MVP would test that loyalty, and see if Abyss would keep to his Contract ruling as being the “Worlds Ugliest Valet” or take an opportunity to become World Heavyweight Champion.

Abyss Valet

Joe was thrown in the mix too, which would look like a Handicap match on Paper, which is when Eric Young offered a helping hand.

Now, I fully expect Magnus to retain, though I actually really want a Title change, it will shake things up. Not to mention it’s WrestleMania to compete with on Sunday. Plus anyone else notice similarities between Daniel Bryan and Eric Young?  Not to mention Eric Young is a pretty big deal, his own show “Off the Hook” has a lot of viewers, and in a good number of circles, he is more known from that, than he is from Wrestling. When AJ Styles did his shoot interview, he was talking a lot about why TNA never pushed EY, he’s not only funny, he’s immensely talented in the ring, and with Character work, and not to mention his popularity. Plus could EY end up winning the Gold thanks to Joseph Park? Think about it!

Who knows, either way this was awesome, and a good Four-Way World Heavyweight Championship match has me excited. It’s been a long time, and once again reminds me of the build up to Wrestling Main Events I used to love! I hope something out of the ordinary happens, I doubt Abyss will take the belt, and I even doubt Joe will, I think EY has a shot, and Magnus is the safe bet. But TNA Sacrifice isn’t till the end of the Month, so they either need to put something in place to build, or do something radical for Magnus to pursue.

The Wolves vs. Magnus and Abyss

The Wolves asked MVP for a chance to prove themselves against the top dogs in TNA currently.

Have I mentioned how awesome The Wolves are, their entrance music has been enhanced, in true TNA fashion, start with a good theme, tweak it, and then add lyrics. It’s pretty damn awesome!

The Wolves work together in a perfect unison, it’s really something to witness, and it’s the best example of a Tag-Team for a long time. I’ve love Tag-Team Wrestling, and when you have a Team like The Wolves who pull off moves like a Simple Sunset Flip, and the other one jumps over that and turns it into a Pin with Bridge, it’s pinning moves, but so damn impressive when used together with such fluidity.

Though like everything, there is a Storyline working through-out this match, Eddie rolls up Magnus and turns it into a Single-Leg Boston Crab, to which Magnus taps out instantly and escapes without any damage. On one hand that’s awesome, it gives a lot of momentum and credibility to Eddie Edwards when Davey had a string of it. But this also caused friction between Magnus and Abyss, with Abyss none too happy with losing, and losing because Magnus wanted to keep himself healthy for next week. Abyss takes the World Title with him, rather than handing it back to Magnus.

Bully Ray is now in full blown Baby Face mode, which is weird. He’s good at it, but he’s better at being a Heel where people like him. Having him getting the fans to cheer, and talk about his past mistakes, it seems a little odd for Bully. He is much better being a Bully, and fans get behind him anyway. Regardless, Bully called some “fans” down to the ring-side all of which brought with them Tables. Now I think these “fans” are try-out Wrestlers and behind the scenes people, but that’s neither here nor there.

Anywho! Bully calls out Bobby Roode after Roode suckered Bully to Dixie’s “office” last week and beat him up. Roode wanted no part in this fight, but Bully brought the fight to Roode.

It was a weird segment, they just brawled, surrounded by tables, and no security came to stop them, which they always do, so I imagine they were distracted by Coffee and Snacks or something of a similar nature.

Bully however ended up putting himself through the Tables, first a Big Boot, then attempted Spear, Roode left with Bully mangled in the corner.

Though this was a rather neat segment, and the idea of having a crazy Tables match is on the horizon. I miss crazy Tables matches, I’m rather bored of just having One Table being the deciding factor. Think back to Survivor Series’ 2002 when it’s all out Tables craziness, even if Jeff Hardy was a little…. out of it.

Knux had another Video Promo, finding all these old Arcade Machines which no longer work as they got flooded, and he talking with some girl about his Dad and what not. It’s a little odd, I was hoping for some mention of him joining up with The Aces and Eights, that would have been rather good. But it’s all about chasing dreams, and how his family are annoyed that Knux didn’t live the dream of his family, rather than follow his own dreams. Some crap like that. I’m just waiting for when Knux brings his Family Circus to TNA and they are some sort of hillbilly, circus, dreaming chasing, clown… gang…

Knux Clown Gang

Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

Angelina and Velvet had at it earlier on in the night, with Velvet being somewhat peeved that Angelina just attacked Madison last week. A few insults to Vanilla ice cream later, and Velvet was left with a conundrum.

Velvet made her way to ring side to cheer on…. both. Though her spikey studded black attire might give you a hint to if she’s good or bad.

But of course, if you didn’t know, now you know!

velvel

The crowd once again made this meaningful, and I love the fact that the Knockouts are actually respected by most TNA fans. In fact I was thinking, if there was anyone from TNA who would make such a recognisable jump to another Promotion, it’s The Beautiful People. Their entrance theme, attire, attitude, and indeed, entrance all together, is iconic.

Angelina got a bit stroppy with Velvet for not committing, but when Velvet was left to help Madison off the floor, she DDT’d her on the floor instead, and then rolled her in the ring, and Angelina took the win!

So what does this mean?

The Beautiful People are back! And they’re back the right way, you can’t have them Face, it sucks. You want them mean, you want them to be bitches, full of attitude, and DDT people on the floor. I hope they go all out crazy, maybe add some new members, and sort of become a Female – NWO. That would be neat.

Also on a side note, since Lei’D Tapa’s release from Impact a lot of news has cropped up about how she wasn’t quite ready for being in the ring at that level. Though no doubt she’s impressive, she has work that needed to be done. Probably why TNA never let her off the leash, as apparently they viewed her as a “ticking time bomb”. Or accident waiting to happen. Though the parting of ways was on good terms, so I expect we will see her back in TNA one day, when she has had a good bit of training first, of course.

Samoa Joe vs. Eric Young

In what is a Wrestling Heavy show this week, the greatness continued. Not to mention the build up for next week is awesome!

It seems some people aren’t fans of Eric Young, or that this week he “impressed” them. I know they’ve taken EY to be a bit more serious of late, but I do think he’s whackyness is what is most endearing about him. If they can marry that with him being a Credible Wrestler, then that’s the best for everyone.

Just let him be himself, basically.

Eric Young faces

Joe was annoyed that EY worked himself into Joe’s Title Picture, despite that EY purely wants Abyss, and that in turn leaves Joe to battle Magnus by himself.

EY stepped up at the start of the show in what I hope proved a lot of people wrong, or maybe got them thinking of EY in a different light. It’s been a long time coming to put him in a match where the Title is on the line.

To further prove EY’s credibility, and keep Joe’s fierceness running, they both battled in a high impact bout, which saw Joe get the upper hand, and lock on his Choke, though he had both Shoulders flat to the mat, it was EY who got choked out. Though EY didn’t Tap, and an after match altercation between Earl and Brian Hebner, showed that Joe won, but EY did manoeuvre Joe into a Pinning predicament. So clever booking goes to that one, and keeps both on top form for next week.

It seems Samuel Shaw has been suspended for a Week, as he burst into the Women’s locker-room and confronted Christy Hemme, and then went at her with Scissors and cut some of her Hair off. Now in any normal environment, I’m sure you would be fired, and sued for that. What’s more funny is the fact that the Camera Man just watched and didn’t try to help out.

I hope Shaw drops this whole Christy thing and just goes back to carrying around his Mannequin. Though I also think in the end Hemme might end up being on Shaw’s side. Who knows!

James Storm vs. Gunner – No DQ

It makes me so very happy that this went on in the Main Event, Storm and Gunner both very capable of performing at that level. On one hand it’s almost a shame that this is to put Gunner over, and not build Storm, but in a way, having Storm as one of the top heels can move him forward quicker. To be fair, I would love to see him in the Title Picture as a top Heel. And to win the belt.

It just goes to show that it doesn’t matter how much bad blood there is, or jealousy, or smashing a Bottle over you’re fathers head, in the end, everyone can just Hug it out and get over it.

Storm Gunner Hug it out

No, Gunner hit Storm with a Spear through the Ropes and they smashed through a Table, the start of things to come. Gunner superplexed Storm onto Two Chairs again, ala Lockdown. Storm hit Gunner with a surprise Last Call Superkick that sent him back into the Ropes, and when he bounced forward Storm dropped him with another to a Kickout. The crowd got into it, and that’s what makes any match relevant!

In the end both Storm and Gunner ended up with Beer Bottles in their hands, and Gunner managed to connect first, then dropped Storm with his Finisher, kind of like an F5, but sort of different. No idea what the name is, hope it’s not the Gunner Bomb. And that led to Gunner getting the Win.

Through-out the night EC3 and Rockstar Spud had been on “The Hunt for Willow” which is one of the best and funniest segments in recent memory. Sure the actual Willow stuff was a little lame, could have been slightly cooler / scarier. But Spud in his Army get up limping around was classic.

Spud however got caught by Willow and later found tied to an old bed frame next to some fake looking skeleton, and Willow then jumped EC3 and beat him down with his Umbrella.

All in all, this Impact was fantastic! Great Wrestling, awesome build up for next week, crazy backstage segments, and The Beautiful People! What more could you want?

And as for next week (or tonight in the US) we have –

Eric Young vs. Samoa Joe vs. Abyss vs. Magnus – Four Way – World Heavyweight Championship

Bully Ray and Willow vs. Bobby Roode and ECW – Tables Match

and The Return of Kenny King

I’m sure plenty more awesome too!

I can’t wait!

Till then!

 

Dan Wilkinson

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

www.thesteelchair.com

TNR Cover 12 (w facebook address)

Monday Night Raw #1088: March 31, 2014!!!

Smack Talk Centre Ray Logo

The Infamous Informer

30 Years ago on this day, Vincent Kennedy McMahon came up with a concept that celebrates Wrestling & Sports Entertainment… he called it WRESTLEMANIA.

In those 30 years, other wrestling promotions tried to test him. One came very close, but then Vince dropped the stunner on they @$$ and brought their competition.

30 Years Later, we are in an era of crying B!TCHES, who still think this wrestling sh!t is for THEM, and forget that they were once kids. But in some cases the fans were RIGHT. Batista winning the rumble? INCORRECT. They had to change that sh!t up quickly.

Not the Infamous Informer. For 30 years, I have NEVER took this wrestling sh!t seriously! I watch it for the glorified comedy show that it is, and if you have taken this wrestling sh!t for more than just entertainment…. YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!

Enough of that sh!t! I got my Galaxy Cookie Crumble! I got my chocolate pudding! THE FINAL RAW BEFORE THE BIG BIG WRESTLEMANIA! THIS IS THE SH!T! RAW #1088! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!! DROP THE MUTHAF***K!N BOMB ON EM!

WWF PROPA TINGZ

15,288 fans in attendance! Saluting the arrival of the TRUE MASTER! THE DON OF DONS! THE UNDERTAKER!!!

21 men have stepped up, and 21 men have got F**KED UP!!! What you gonna do Brock? Sink or Swim???

Brock Lesnar’s like: ‘Ha! You wanna play mind games with me??? I’m gonna play mind games with you muthaf***a! Make it look like I’m afraid of your @$$, then when my boy Heyman slips in the chair, I’m gonna clothesline your dead carcass! set you up, F5 – BLAOW!!!!! I f**ked you up with it before, I f**k you up again!!!’

STC WrestleMania 30 Poster

Big ups to Bertie for getting the win over my dude Big E, that’s it – give Bertie that hope that he could win the Battle Royal at WrestleMania… Ya Playin’ Ya’self Bertie! But, you can win, as long as you keep your head to the sky! That may not be a good idea if your head is looking at the lights at WrestleMania!

Ok when you have the crowd singing ‘The Whole World In His Hands’ with Bray Wyatt, that must f**k up John Cena for sure! Winning or losing don’t mean sh!t! Bray just wants to F**K UP CENA!!! If I was Cena, I’d beat Bray with his five moves, then RUN FOR THE HILLS! DON’T LOOK BACK!

Remember when Summer Rae took her fass self to Natalya’s house on some Kill Bill death list sh!t, now we gonna see a wrestling contest between the two!

What’s up with JAY-BEE? does he want a piece of Vickie Guerrero or something? Just don’t get doing the nasty on the tour bus!! Hold on – Summer Rae defeated Natalya? BACKSIDE!!!!! You mean to tell me Natalya let the girl come to her house, give her one slap across her face and then she lost???? Well I did warn the divas, Summer Rae is a good wrestler! Don’t underestimate the blondie!

Oh no! Here he comes! TRIPLE TEEEF! STEPHANIE McTEEF!!! VOCARE AD REGNUM!!!

I am so engrossed in this segment I can’t even talk sh!t right now!

Once again Triple put us all on blast about the flava of the month, and he has put them all down! And that promo video he put out…. with Steph McTeef narrating, OH LAWWD! Showing how he USED DA HAMMER and ‘buried’ all those guys… Yes I noticed that my boys Batista and Undertaker were not up in there…. because they are OFFICIAL BAD MAN!

Good to see Batista not being booed for once, maybe because Raw is in his hometown of Washington DC…makes a change but on a real, Batista has not learnt anything from wearing those hellish jeans!

Randall still wants Triple to back out of the Triple Threat.. The Grant says STOP BEING A PU$$Y AND BECOME THE VIPER and KICK PEOPLE IN THEIR HEAD!

It is straight DISRESPECT that The Usos are defending their tag team titles in the pre-show match… Uncle Rikishi must be offended. the Hardy Boyz, Dudley Boyz and Edge & Christian must be outraged, they set the bar, and this is the muthaf***!n thanks they get? HELLO!

OH SNAP!!!! Big ups to Mike Cole for putting JAY-BEE on blast! Jay-Bee said people was on that Fandango sh!t at WrestleMania last WEEK??? Mike Cole’s like – “WrestleMania last YEAR!” John Bradshaw Layfield: GET IN THE CHAIR!!!

Hang on – in that 8-man tag team contest, did Los Matadores just did the old switch-a-roo Bella Twins super move???? I think they did! I bet The Bella Twins looked at that and thought ‘B!TCH PLEASE!!!’

Jerry Lawler says – “They are still doing the Fandango!!!” Er yeah because Triple reminded them what they were doing last year! FIX UP MAN!

I think Bray Wyatt has the most unorthodox fighting style I have ever seen! Cena can’tGRANT - BODY - Pstudy that wrestling match? Even Mankind had a set fighting style!

BLODCLART!!! THAT’S F**KED UP!!! The Wyatt Family, celebrating after they disposed of R-Truth and Xavier Woods, when it went all dark and sh!t, along came a fourth family member? Boiler suit and sheep mask and all, turns out to be John Cena! That is the first time I have seen the Wyatt Family freak out! They were scared of their own sh!t!!!! Bravo Cena! Well done! That was DON!

Dayum Naomi!!!! No wonder Jimmy Uso wanted to f**k you backstage! Look at your attire!!!! OHHHHHHHH! I WANNA F**K YOU RIGHT NOW!

It seems that Naomi’s eye has fully healed! Get her (AJ LEE) Naomi!! mash her up! And throw her into the LumberJills!

Naomi emerges victorious! But every diva in the ring at WrestleMania? With the title on the line? Suddenly I have figured out who’s gonna win this sh!t!

Great promo by Cena but it’s Renée Young interviewing you…. if only it was The Rock…. imagine that, The Wyatts threatening to destroy The Rock’s legacy and The Rock is more concerned about getting Renée to taste his strudel!!! Oh well…

Does the WWE App still work? obviously it does! According to the app, the people voted for roman Reigns to take on my hero Kane…. this is not fair to me! f**k that – I’m gonna send for my chocolate pudding…

What? Did Troy come through my house or something? I KNOW I brought chocolate pudding from the store… it changed to treacle!!!! Damn I was looking forward to eating ‘Naomi’… I’ll have to settle for ‘Tamina’… not that I’m complaining! I’m tucking in!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

So let me get this right so I can understand this: JAY-BEE is dubbing this match the ‘Attitude Era Vs the Reality Era’ In Kane/Outlaws Vs The Shield???? So w’happen, is that a shot at the IWC too??? sounds like it to me!

You know it’s WrestleMania season when Rowdy Roddy Piper is in the house! So who’s the guest rude boy!

Well the Miz, Sheamus, Titus O Neill and Dolph Ziggler were quick to run their mouth weren’t they! here comes the rest of the crew, it’s RUCKUS in Pipers Pit! Here comes the 7ft2, 425lb of OFFICIAL BAD MAN!!! HAAA you thought I was gonna say monkey crap… didn’t you! Nah my name’s not Dwayne!

Punch Heath Slater through school-buses – P!!! Double chokeslam to Zack Ryder and Dolph Ziggler – BLAOW!!!!! I told y’all muthaf***az! Zack Ryder and Dolph Ziggler is WACK! so wack that Dolph Ziggler even said he is the greatest SPORTS ENTERTAINER, but YOU FOOLS regard him as a WRESTLER! HA! HA! You deluded fools!

GRANT BODY -P!!!

Well here’s your chance you wrestling fools! BOO THE HELL OUT OF THIS MAIN EVENT!!! Randall TEEF Orton! My Wu-Tang Friend Batista!!! No Disqualification match! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!

Hold up – what’s that Triple TEEF and Steph McTEEF doing out here??? Maybe they wanna close look! Maybe they wanna change the stipulation! Poor Jerry Lawler he wanted Steph to sit next to him! Yeah I know, I would love to feel on her leg too…

This match is actually great! Where are your boos now muthaf***az? Hang on – is that ‘This Is Awesome!’ I hear? Now it shows how fickle you b!tches are!!!

BACKSIDE!! DANNY BRYAN IS HERE!! RUSHING TRIPLE TEEF!!! Taking on everybody! Get outta there Stephanie! Danny beating down Triple with the kendo stick! That’s it Danny! LICK HIM! CLAP HIM! BEAT HIM!!!

BLODCLART!!!! SMACK TALK CENTRE: BDSIR NETWORK: WE GONNA LET EM KNOW… APRIL 6, JOHNNY SPICES, HOGSHEAD: WE’RE HERE BIATCH!!!

Daylight beams, night life schemes
This is my inception, I’m writing my dreams
Immortal view of a star doing what I’m born to do
I see the Blue Sky, see the Lord’s coming through

Ohh, in the sky we’ll find the light
Ohh, ain’t too high, we’ll shine at night
Now we in the skies, blue skies
And we going higher, that’s right

#VOCAREADREGNUM!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

CLICK HERE TO OUR SMACK TALK CENTRE YOUTUBE CHANNEL

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

BDSIR Network

The Jobber Blogger #96 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 13/3/14

JobberBloggerAngelina

It seemed like such a Distant dream every once in a while when I just said I wanted Angelina Love back in TNA Wrestling. And yet as I skimmed over Wrestling news I glanced an article that to my eyes looked as if it said Angelina was back in TNA. I however refused to look further as I didn’t want to spoil anything, and by god, she’s back!

Yes, I am pleased and happy that Angelina has come back to TNA, her rightful home. Though part of me feels this is a passing trend, everyone loves TNA at some point, then they want to leave.. then they come back and love it again… then they want to leave. I suppose it has a lot to do with TNA struggling to keep things fresh and just don’t have the room for more stars on their Television Broadcast. Which sucks, I know they would find it difficult to run another show, but with Hogan and Sting now gone TNA has been packed full with new stars, Lei’D Tapa, EC3, Alpha Female, The Wolves, Tigre Uno, Brittany, the returns of Bobby Lashley and Angelina Love, addition of Sanada (don’t know how long he’s sticking around). All I can say is, I Can Not Wait till Kurt Angle packs up and leaves and let’s get some more!

It’s Wrestling time folks! And it was a blast!

 Impact Wrestling Logo

TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 13/3/14

Should I maybe have started with apologising that this entry is rather late. I always have the best intentions but this past week has been packed full of “things to do” and unfortunately all of those things which took longer than expected had a Deadline to meet, and though I set myself Deadlines with Writing The Jobber Blogger, the former took precedence. However, don’t even dare contemplate the thought of me “not” Writing up a show. It’s been too long now to even consider not doing it. So sure, I’m writing it and posting it on the same day the next show Airs in the States, but that’s life! Get over yourselves!

Or on yourselves. Whichever you prefer… also Angelina.

Angelina 002

MVP kicks off Impact this week hot off of his Victory from Lockdown. Though the “Impact Zone” is rather small, least the TNA fans packed it out and actually made for a rather good crowd. No bad thing considering they are going to be the same crowd for the next Month’s worth of Television.

MVP declares “Dixie Land” officially closed, and even addressed Bully Ray whom will be treated “fairly” regardless of his past actions.

I do find it funny that Bully went from being the Top Heel to Dangerous Heel, to good guy with one action. It’s quite a jump from threatening to Pile-Drive Anderson’s pregnant Wife one week, to being put in a Coffin another week, to now being a Good-Guy. Still, it’s Wrestling and we love it for its many eccentricities.

MVP has a 3-Act structure (like most things) in to deal with Talent, Motivate – Validate – Participate. Sounds like the check list you would cover before partaking in an “Adult Movie”.

MVPorn

Magnus and the new look – Abyss make an appearance. I’m not sold on the new look of Abyss, I am glad he has kept a mask however, but it doesn’t look so good. I get what they were going for though. From behind he looks very intimidating. But from the front… not so much.

Magnus Abyss

Though it could be worse…

Magnus Wanker

All in all, this led to MVP bringing out Samoa Joe and setting a World Heavyweight Championship Re-Match for next week, but as of now, it’s Wrestling time…. folks….. and it was a blast?….

Samoa Joe vs. Abyss

So yeah, I don’t know what is happening with Abyss. I hope this is just a “phase” in his many phases. I like that his Character is so easily manipulated yet so unpredictable that you wouldn’t dare risk it. He’s been mute, he’s been to an Asylum, he’s spoken, he’s been “American Made” Red and Yellow, he’s been Joseph Park and now he’s a link between two aspects of psyche. This is a confused Abyss trapped between his once dangerous “hardcore” ways and his rational timid mind of Joseph Park. Only of course enthused with Magnus’ upgraded ideals.

Joe and Abyss battle it out like Two Big-Guys would, Joe’s fast capture Powerslam was impressive with the speed he connected given the size of Abyss. Not that he hasn’t done it before of course.

The biggest take-away from the match was Abyss bringing Janice back into the mix, given Joe is still “suffering” from the shot from Lockdown. Eric Young however makes the save and we haven’t seen the last between EY and Abyss.

Joe confronted EY later on in the night and told him to get out of his business, but for Joe’s Title Match – Rematch next week, Eric Young is going to be Chained to Abyss for the match… seems like a stupid idea. But.. Wrestling….?

Gail Kim (w/Lei’D Tapa) vs. Brittany

It’s new Knockout time, I believe Brittany is the indie Wrestler under the name of Santana, which seems a little more “unusual”. Brittany sounds like…. well Brittany, a dumb young American girl. Whereas Santana has a ring to it. Though that’s sticks and stones and niggles and gripes.

It’s great to see yet more new Knockouts, especially ones that can Wrestle. That isn’t to say Lei’D Tapa and The Alpha Female can’t, but at the same time, TNA hasn’t let them off the leash… so how would we know? Brittany on the other hand and quite clearly move between the ropes.

Gail dominated the match though, and in a ruthless form, which is actually impressive, and pretty awesome.

Then of course, that thing we all knew was coming happened. It was only a matter of time, I just had hoped they would have handled it better. Tapa got involved in the match and accidently squashed Gail in the Corner. Funny how outside interference like getting in the ring and physically attacking someone, doesn’t count as a DQ.

Regardless, Brittany played off the mistake and took the Win. Which of course leads to Gail getting in Tapa’s face and then those two fighting.

It’s a shame TNA can’t seem to think of a more creative way to break people up. It’s either angriness of betrayal involving the World Championship.

Couldn’t Tapa have just one day turned on Gail for no reason, at all, what so ever. Tapa is a Monster of a Woman, you wouldn’t want to mess with her. Her momentum was cut short ever so quickly the second they paired her up with Gail. You could at least play on it as if Tapa was just with Gail to get herself known and then ditched her at the first possible second. Even tie it into why she “needed” Gail’s help to win matches. Of course she didn’t but she wanted Gail to feel superior. Then BAM! Tapa breaks free, goes unstoppable. It makes sense… why not do that? Why does everything involve freakin’ “Reasons”. Winds me up!

Wind Up Thug

Bobby Roode and the rest of Team Dixie were furious from the actions of Bully Ray, and though everyone pointed Blame at Roode, he pointed it constructively toward Bully. Thus when Bully arrived they jumped him and beat him up. Makes sense.

The Bromans (w/ DJ Z) vs. Sanada and Tigre Uno

I actually hope Sanada does stick around in TNA, he’s pretty damn awesome. They were certainly playing it as if he is sticking around. Though I do remember reading he was only involved currently. Sanada and Uno made a great team, diverse yet similar in style. Though a mixture of Japanese and Mexican Wrestling, it’s a style you miss from watching TNA. And it seems they are bringing back that flavour of Wrestling, and if this match is anything to go by, then hell yes!

I shall reiterate, I can’t wait for Kurt to leave!

That isn’t me saying I dislike Kurt, I like Kurt, but he wants to leave, and it’s painfully obvious. He’s saying it all the time off the Camera, but even on the Camera he just looks fed up. Everything he says, even when he’s praising TNA, it just sounds so second hand, he means it.. but he’s not that bothered. It’s almost as if he’s saying “Thank you for keeping TNA around, you keep doing it, it’s great… also I’m leaving, so you do it more so?… Good!” I’m sure his contract will free up a good bit of money, more new stars like this, and I’m sold. Hell, put that money in an envelope with the name AJ Styles on it, and get him back!

The match was fast paced, and fantastic, Sanada and Uno pick up the win with Tenay doing all he can to push the idea that these two challenge for the Tag-Team Championships. Kind of greedy given that Sanada is already the X-Division Champion, let alone The Wolves? Though Destination X isn’t far away, and someone will need to grab that belt for “Option C”. Here’s my prediction, so mark you’re calendars. Samoa Joe gets screwed again next week, and Magnus talks Joe out of the Title Picture, Joe instead grabs himself the X-Division Championship and cashes it in for one more shot.

Also The Bromans had a whining session after the match when Bully crashes in and beats them all down.

Rockstar Spud and EC3 hold a tribute to Dixie, mourning her loss of controlling the Wrestling Operations. Spud is TV gold, put him with a giant picture of Dixie he clings to and strokes, it’s win win!

Team WinWin

Spud proceeds with a “Reading” to honour her when MVP announces that Spud is no longer the Chief of Staff, but is not on the active Roster. Starting with him taking on Willow in the Main Event. With EC3 taking on Bobby Lashley next week, as Lashley has now officially resigned with TNA.

Lashley face

EC3 had a few words about Bobby Lashley backstage, and then Bully Ray beat him up. I love backstage segments, plus the idea of Bully on a rampage is awesome!

Samuel Shaw vs. Mr. Anderson – Street Fight

Shaw brought his Mannequin of Christy to the ring with him… which is sort of weird, though I also really like that idea. I actually hope he takes it with him everywhere from now on. It doesn’t have to be Christy, it can evolve, like Christy was his closest fascination that gave Birth to the idea of who this Mannequin becomes in his mind, and she goes places with him. That’s a good gimmick!

The Creepy Bastard chant stuck around for Impact, so hopefully it continues, I think they will do all they can to keep it around. Creepy Bastard is a pretty good Moniker, let alone marketing tool.

Given the twist ending from their Lockdown Cage Match, this time they had Anderson take the victory he would have had before. Anderson made his advances on Shaw’s Mannequin, kissing it, then throwing it at Shaw and dropping him with the Mic Check from the distraction for the Win.

Angelina Love is Back!

Of course she gets her own Heading!

It’s weird, I don’t get why I like her so much. And no, it’s not a Crush thing. I don’t look at her and find her attractive, I mean she is, but not to me personally. I just like her. I like her attitude, and character, and music, and The Beautiful People is a great faction. Mainly as Heels. She’s a different type of Knockout, sure she’s the more “risky” style of Women’s Wrestler, given her chosen attire, general look and certain affections with the middle rope.

But she does it in a way that’s a Strong Symbol for Women, not that she’s been used, or seen in a trashy way. She has an attitude to back her up, and she’ll kick your ass. I think that’s appealing.

Angelina of course called Velvet to the ring, both rocking the old school “Angle on my Shoulder” Beautiful People theme. It’s an awesome theme, and quite easily puts anyone associated with it in a different league. It’s what makes The Beautiful People stand out. I so hope Madison dyes her hair blonde and gets back in the group.

Though to be fair, I don’t think Velvet will reunite with Angelina, least not yet. In fact I fully suspect she might, then Angelina will turn on her, with “jealousy” reasons.

Still, getting Angelina back in any form is better than a TNA without her! Angelina proposes The Beautiful People get back together, which Velvet says she needs to think about, given her success as a Singles Wrestler… Okay.

Angelina 001

Rockstar Spud vs. Willow

Is it bad that I LOVED Willow’s entrance. Everything I didn’t quite get on board with about Willows debut at Lockdown was corrected with Impact. I do however think they shouldn’t have said “This is Jeff Hardy”. They could have given him an attire which didn’t show off his Tattoo’s, or have his Arm-Bands. His theme music is cool, but obviously take out Jeff’s voice and it would have worked just as well. I don’t mind Jeff having an alter-ego, most people who know Jeff Hardy’s work outside of Televised Wrestling know of Jeff’s Willow the Wisp Character anyway. But nothing really happened to have Jeff switch to this side of his personality.

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Still, it probably sells Jeff to those who don’t know who Willow is “under the mask”. But then that could have been better to find out in a shocking way. The good news is that Willow is much more aggressive, so Jeff is exciting to watch regardless. Let alone Jeff has had his best matches in the last couple of years of his entire Career, so to have him explore territory he has never done on this scale before is exciting to witness.

Willow’s look is fantastic, Jeff has such a creative mind that as I said before, when he wants to wind down from competing, someone needs to get him into the Creative side of Wrestling. His ideas for Wrestlers, Gimmicks, stipulations, attire, themes, promo’s, camera work, will be amazing and truly different to anything you would have witnessed before.

The long black coat, the spinning Black and White umbrella and the menacing mask with the pale eyes is a brilliant look. So is the patented screaming cackle.

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There is a tinted filter over the entrance, a blur on the edging, and it just sings when you watch it. I am on board to see where this goes. And even if Jeff goes back to being Jeff in the near future, having Willow established as his Dark Side makes Jeff unpredictable, like the fabled and brilliant character changes like the transformation of Mankind into Cactus Jack.

Now on to Spud, who does a brilliant Job of selling Willow, let alone Spud just generally being awesome at all he does. Kudos go out to TNA for spotting his talent outside of his original gimmick portrayal.

The back story to this encounter goes to when Spud pushed Jeff off of the Ladder in his World Title “Dixie Land” match. And to get his own back, Willow hangs Spud upside down in the Corner and hits him very hard with his Umbrella. Which I bet hurt. This of course led to a DQ, so Willow took out the Ref, set up a Ladder, put Spud’s leg in a Chair which he violently crushed. Then did a Body Splash from the top of Ladder onto Spud.

Awesome.

Bully Ray closes out the show by talking about his actions from Lockdown. Which I think are fair enough. The whole “going into the Coffin made my entire Career flash before my eyes” was a bit stupid. I get the metaphor, but the Coffin really wasn’t all that special to signify the despair he talks of. Given that it broke before he went in it.

Bully declared that if Bobby Roode got a taste of Power, he would just end up being another Dixie Carter, and he therefore saved him from himself. And did the right thing by TNA.

Roode and Bully closed out the show with a heated Fight, which saw Bully PowerBomb Roode through a Table.

A great Show post Lockdown that not only brings in New Talent to get excited about, but it brought back some old Talent, a spin on some current Talent and set in place some awesome new Storylines and Rivalries.

If you’ve been wanting to get into TNA, or back on board with TNA, this is the show to do it!

And I can’t wait for this week’s!

Which is tonight, tomorrow, the weekend!

Till then!

Dan Wilkinson

www.thesteelchair.com

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

TNR Cover 12 (w facebook address)

The Jobber Blogger #97 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 20/3/14

Jobber Blogger Boom

What goes around comes around as they say, mainly in Australia as I imagine the open grounds are a rather nifty place to throw your Boomerang.

BoomerangShout-Out to The Superior Foes of Spider-Man

It took me a few days to get caught up with The Jobber Blogger last week, and then I am back and on schedule to get it done today… hopefully… Sunday.

Still, the thing is, I praised TNA from Lockdown through to Last Week’s show, and this week’s show is just as good. What isn’t good is the rumoured bad morale backstage, let alone apparent hope for Jeff Jarrett’s promotion to take off so talent can probably jump ship. I don’t know what TNA is doing behind the scenes. It is worrying, that doesn’t mean that I think they’re in danger of running themselves out of business via money. But decisions being made behind peoples backs, Vince Russo working for them without them admitting it? It all sounds rather dodgy. The big issue lay with the contracts, cutting down Talents contracts. That sucks. I don’t get why either, I understand making cut backs and saving money, but that’s an insulting way to do it. Come better or worse you need to look at TNA as a whole, and clearly there are some major problems. They have been in business for 12 years this year, they have a Television deal worldwide, in some territories they are the top Wrestling Promotion, they have had Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Sting, associated to their company. They have had countless top name Stars, huge home grown stars, massive shows. And look at them. Still in an studio taping their shows Months in advance in the space of two days, can’t afford to tour, only a couple of hundred fans in attendance (probably free tickets). That’s terrible.

Whatever there is, it’s certainly halting TNA’s growth. And switching the characters in control on Television is not going to change that. Personally I can’t find a fault with their product, what they put out is a fantastic Wrestling show and I can’t get enough of it. But I guess I fall into the minority.

AJ Styles put it best, when the Founder of TNA, the guy who put his savings, effort and life into this promotion decides that it’s time to leave… then that’s a huge problem. Something is amiss backstage, and I hope they can sort it out. If talent are as unhappy as the rumours claim, when Jeff Jarrett’s promotion is up and running, then ROH throw out their connections, why would the TNA guys stick around? That’s when they start to crumble. Perhaps behind the scenes they know that already, so they bring in new talent, cheaper talent, and use their time now to put them over, so when the TNA originals call it a day, TNA at least has developed stars still.

But I don’t know the Wrestling Industry from a business standpoint, least trying to run a global promotion, so I shall just stick to writing about what I watched in my imperfect, meaningless, derogative manor, riddled with spelling errors and grammatical flaws!

The Jobber Blogger does it best! Like a boss, on a boat, in the sea! That sunk!

Wrestling!

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TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 20/3/14

In what was an exciting way to start the show, Eric Young and Abyss brawled it out backstage which eventually took to the ring. It was hard hitting and violent, with Abyss choking EY with the Chain over the ropes till he was Red in the face, literally. This of course takes EY out of the picture for the main event. No idea how the brawl got started, but it certainly makes for a more interesting way to start the show other than Promos.

Something I forgot to mention from last week, is that Magnus managed to secure Abyss with Money. Now that doesn’t seem right? I get that Money makes the world go round, but I don’t believe Money to be the deciding factor in Abyss being his “Muscle”. I would hazard a guess that it’s not the reason at all, eventually. When Abyss inevitably turns on Magnus… or Abyss ends up costing Magnus and Magnus turns on him… I don’t know.

Ethan Carter the Third vs. Bobby Lashley

Straight from a brawl into Wrestling, which is even better! I hope this actually sticks around. I’ve had enough to promos to kick of “Total Nonstop Action” that has no action from the start. I’m more sick of that then I am of Al Snow and his gang of Muppets stopping every fight.

Al Snow Muppets

I remember Lashley when he showed up in the WWE, being billed “as the next big thing” after Lesnar had worn himself out of Professional Wrestling. I also remember that Lashley didn’t really take off that well and then found himself out of a job. I don’t quite know the full story, but part of me remembers it being linked to Crystal / Krystal who he was dating from the Diva Search thing, and her being let go. Something about Lashley taking a stand over it and losing his job also. Probably one of those hopes I have that Lashley thought himself big enough to sway Vince, and inevitably found out… he wasn’t.

With that said, Lashley is intense, and I’m glad he’s around actually. I do remember his exit from TNA being somewhat controversial at the time, also with Krystal (hope she doesn’t come back). Whoever thought bringing in Booker-T’s wife was a good idea should be fired… probably Booker-T and his wife.

EC3 managed to get in a Low-Blow and made a run for it from Lashley only to be confronted by Willow, who took to a violent assault on EC3, repeatedly throwing him into the Ring-Steps and following it up with trapping his leg in a chair and stomping on it. Then also climbing a Ladder but EC3 managed to escape.

Shortly after EC3 confronted Magnus as to why he didn’t help him. But of course, with Dixie no longer around, Magnus has no loyalty to EC3. So that’s nice.

 

Gunner made his way to the ring in what turned out to be a Good Segment, but also sucked to start with. I don’t need a guy like Gunner telling me how much he appreciates everyone, thanks everyone, telling me about his time in the marines… again, and then awkwardly talking to and hugging his “Dad”.

Least Storm got involved, which isn’t that much of a surprise. Storm remarked on the story that Gunner’s grandfather died when his Father was young, as to not see him achieve anything, and Storm claimed that if he could see you both now, he’s probably glad he’s Dead.

Which is nice and risky for Wrestling…. also I laughed a bit.

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So yes, Gunner and Storm and done by a long shot and a brawl took place, though Storm snuck in a cheeky Superkick, handcuffed Gunner to the Ring and dragged his Dad around shouting trash at them both. And then of course Storm smashed a Beer Bottle over his Dad’s head. Which was pretty freakin’ awesome. Normally the Beer Bottle looks stupid as it shatters too much, but it looked and sounded great and his “Dad” sold it rather well too. Which makes me question if they are actually related.

Mike and Taz were shouting about how disgusting Storm’s actions were, but I loved the fact that the Beer Bottle Smash was repeated multiple times during them saying that, with it progressively going slower and slower in motion to the point where it just became increasingly comical.

Noo Beer Bottle Smash

And now they are set to have a match next week “Unlocked” which I guess means (without Cage). So I have no idea. Probably the same stipulation as a No Holds Barred, Street Death Match….the same thing really.

Lei’D Tapa vs. Gail Kim

I didn’t write down a stipulation as Gail only moaned backstage and stated that if she beats Tapa, then Tapa is gone from TNA. It sounded more like a threat, rather than a fact.

The announcers didn’t even talk about it till after the match.

And this is exactly why it sucks so much!

Finally we get to see Lei’D Tapa in action on her own, without Gail Kim, and she’s against Gail Kim, the best Female Wrestler going, and the match was fantastic!

Tapa was so impressive, to the point that it really pisses me off that we never got to see this side of her, she was stuck to being Gail’s “tall bodyguard” and nothing more.

They both went at it, it was intense and I was thinking, if these two at a good solid feud, their matches could increase to those you look at in the same category of being “Meaningful” and remembering them.

And of course, Gail then dropped Tapa with Eat Defeat, which I thought she would kick out of, but no. She lost, and now she’s gone from TNA.

Like legit, she confirmed it after Impact via Twitter, but it seemed Tapa had something else lined up and has now gone from Impact Wrestling.

What a freakin’ waste. She’s the best thing to happen to the Division in a long, long time, and then they don’t let her do anything relevant, and then she leaves. Awesome TNA, that was great.

Still, she will always live on in my blogs!

TAPA TongueLei'D Tapa Train

ODB vs Lei'd Tapa

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Lei'd Tampon

Angelina Love calls out Velvet Sky for an answer on getting The Beautiful People back together.

I guess part of me doesn’t understand why them being back together makes any sense. Are they just going to be friends again? There aren’t Tag-Team belts to win anymore (thank god). So I don’t know. Still, Velvet had a string of reasons not to, with Angelina being possessive and always looked as herself better than Velvet and always held her back. And with that string of negativity, she decided it was a good idea to get the band back together!

Angelina then went on to call out Madison, and offer her the chance to rejoin. But of course Madison wanted no part of it, as she was easily the “lackey” of the group, and now she’s the Knockouts Champion with quite an established career.

Backstage Velvet told Angelina to just talk to Madison and work it out, and then Angelina beat up Madison instead, which I guess was option B?

This goes back into the realm of Wrestling / Reality, surely Velvet will know that Angelina beat up Madison right? She only need watch the show to find out. Who knows, crazy Wrestling gibberish!

Bromans (w/DJ Z) vs. Tigre Uno and Sanada vs. The Wolves – TNA: World Tag-Team Championships

I think I called it best when I said TNA needed to re-define the Tag-Team Division. I Love, Tag-Team Wrestling. And this right here, was a perfect example of it!

It was fast paced, intense, hard hitting, high impact, totally awesome!

The Wolves are easily the best Tag-Team on the circuit right now, they are on point perfection. Which doesn’t take anything away from the Bromans, or Uno and Sanada who are also great.

In fact whilst on the topic, Tigre Uno is very impressive! I for one look forward to seeing him lock horns with multiple different guys in TNA, especially one Austin Aries.

DJ Zema started taking “Selfies” pictures of himself with the X-Division Championship, which is where Sanada changed course and took out DJ Z.

This left Uno the victim of a Bro-Down from the Bromans for the win and to retain their Tag-Team Championships.

Something I didn’t expect to see on this week’s Impact, or any Impact for that matter was a video package of Kunx tracking down his long lost love.

I fully expected big Knuxy to be fired and well on his way to somewhere after the Aces and Eights closed their doors. But I am glad he’s sticking around, least for the time being. The last few months of The Aces and Eights that had Knux step up showed that he was actually rather impressive, good mic skills certainly. I don’t know where this is going, but it seems TNA have gone for a Dark Theme with their newer additions, Samuel Shaw, Bully Ray, Willow and now Knux. All about being creepy, weird and horror movie styled love interest adventures. I just had an image of Bully in a Wig….

BullyKnuxMakeup

Speaking of Bully in a wig, he was “invited” to Nashville to see Dixie Carter (who hasn’t been seen since Lockdown anywhere!) she’s gone all AJ Styles.

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Instead Bully decided not to wait for Dixie and barged into her office and started a big ol rant confession on why he screwed her out of controlling the Wrestling Operations, but spent his time talking to a chair. Which no offence, was rather obvious no one was in the chair.

Bobby Roode then crashed in and beat up Bully Ray, shouting at him and dribbling in his ear.

BobbyDribbleBobby Dribble

Samoa Joe vs. Magnus – MVP / Abyss Chained Together – World Heavyweight Championship

With EY being taken out by Abyss at the start of the show MVP was trying to find a replacement. The only person he asked was Willow, trying to get him on board to seek revenge for Magnus’ involvement in Hardy losing the World Title.

Which for everything cool about Willow’s look and entrance, this quickly proved that he sucks as a Character in front of Television cameras. Jeff really isn’t that good with Promo’s, he can Write them well, he just can’t deliver them well. So it just looked awkward, be better if they could put a Reverb, Blur filter on him every time you saw him. So it would sound cool and look cool. Otherwise it just looks sort of…. dumb.

Also please ditch the Jeff Hardy t-shirt.

In the end MVP decided he should “Participate” as a part of his three act involvement with Talent.

MVPorn

Joe and Magnus had an alright bout, Joe playing on the injury from having Abyss attack him with “Janice” from Lockdown. In the end though Joe locked on his Choke, which Magnus counted with a Jaw Breaker causing Joe to fall back into the Ref, taking him down…. obviously.

MVP did his best to restrain Abyss, who got his hands on a bad of thumb tacks. MVP took him down then unlocked himself from Abyss to move the Bag of Tacks as far away as possible. Which of course left Abyss enough time to get a chair and beat down MVP, then throw the Chair at Joe who was attempting his Suicide Dive through the ropes. This knocked Joe down, Magnus covered and Won.

Least MVP did the right thing? I expect Joe will be angry at him, but then it was Joe who decided to focus on Abyss not Magnus and that led to his downfall, not MVP.

Who knows!

Logic be damned!!!

Logic Be Damned

A good show though, still a few little surprises, and currently TNA have had a string of good shows, even if they don’t show in the Ratings.

Here’s hoping they can turn things around in 2014, and actually grow. But then, we’ve been hoping that every year….. for years!

Till then!

Dan Wilkinson

www.thesteelchair.com

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

TNR Cover 12 (w facebook address)

Monday Night Raw #1087: March 24, 2014!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw

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The Infamous Informer

Straight up and down, let’s give it up and say Happy Born Day to my dude, The DON of DONS,  21-0 and soon to be 22-0 at big BIG WRESTLEMANIA: The True Master: THE UNNNNDERRRRTAKERRRRRR!!!

That’s my dawg! THAT’S MY DAWG!

Ok enough of that sh!t!!! I got my Chocolate Digestive biscuits, and my cup of tea when the diva dem come on! RAW #1087!! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZWhat a beautiful smile on Stephanie’s face!!! Yet she so evil! That’s my moms hero! RECORD SKIP – No Danny Bryan this week???? GETTHE F**KOUTTAHERE! Maybe he’s gonna come with the beer truck like in 1999!

GWARN Stephanie!!! Tell them!!! The fans need to be led with someone with intellect! Those CM Punk chants won’t help you!!!

That’s better! Chant Danny’s name!!! Where’s Vincent Kennedy when you need him? He would say “SHUDDUP WHEN I’M TALKING!!!”

Is it me or his Batista’s mic a bit mash-up??? YES IT WAS! Oh dear! Even the Mic knows Batista has no mic skills!

Then again I take it back! Batista says Stephanie has been drooled on a LOT!!! Yeah I was drooling too! What did 5 fingers say to the face Batista? SLAP!!!! Randall is deddin! Not for long – spear to Randall – BLAOW!!!

Wait a minute – Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine is in the house? Does that include Daphne? Last time I check – Daphne got the hots for John Cena! Nikki Bella ain’t gonna like that! Daphne was there throwing her pu$$y at Cena like that…. THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!

STC WrestleMania 30 Poster

Fatal four-way jump off!!! Winner fights Big E for the Intercontinental Championship…er wait, at WrestleMania??? Well in that case, I don’t want my dude Sheamus to win then… I do want him to kick Ziggler in his teeth just like Tamina did to Nikki Bella!!!

OH SNAP!!! Did you wrestling trainspotters see this????

CREDIT: Jazz Kumar at Powerbomb Pro Wrestling News

Batista you’re my dude but that’s what you get for wearing skinny jeans you dyam arse!

Damn this fatal 4 way contest is crazy! Even I gotta say that even with that fool Ziggler in effect! This changes NOTHING!!! I still hate that muthaf***a!

YES CHRISTIAN! PIN THAT BATTYBWOY ZIGGLER! Christian Vs Big E at Main Event! F**K YOU ZIGGLER FANS!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

NO!!!! Bray Wyatt singing the Whole World In His Hands!!! Brilliant!!! Cena you are in trouble now! You have a right to be scared of this muthaf***a! RUN!!!

Oh my days Scooby Doo is here for real! With Sin Cara!!! Shout out to Anthony Cardenas – they could have let JTG wrestle here, like how it’s in his hometown of Brooklyn??? And the fans are chanting for Philip!!! Yo fans I have a question – WHY???

UNBELIEVABLE! If you didn’t see Smackdown, What if I told you, that the Shield got DESTROYED by The New Age Outlaws and My hero Kane??? You wouldn’t believe me, would you? That has to be a match at big BIG WrestleMania surely!

UH-OH!!! During a contest between Los Matadores and Rybaxel… look who turns up… THE SHIELD!!! RYBAXEL YUH GOOSE COOK NOW!

How many times this make for Ryback to be f**ked up by the Shield??? Triple powerbomb into the canvas – BLAOW!!!!!

Instead of having a weekly interview on WWE.Com, we get to see a live interview with Michael Cole and TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!!

BIG UP TRIPLE TEEF!!! Taking shots at the Internet Wrestling Community in this interview! He sees apathy… I see it too! Back in the day, Triple would use the hammer but guys like Cactus Jack, The Rock, Undertaker and Stone Cold would fight back this evil! These days, people would cry like a B!TCH!!!! People are crying like B!TCHES over WrestleMania, even after they got what they want – Danny possibly in the main event… I co-sign with Mike Knoxxx of the BDSIR Network when he says y’all need revoke your wrestling fan cards because that’s what you are… A B!TCH!!!!  We don’t need you! Go and watch Big Brother… That’s more appropriate for your B!TCH @$$!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Talking of b!tches, Summer Rae may act like a B!TCH on Total Divas, but I’d still tapMIKE DOGG THE PHENOMdat @$$! Get between her sexy legs and ramm it inna her!

Look pon this! Goldust taking the p!$$ out of Summer Rae, and w’happen, Summer twiss up her ankle… what a shame, you want me fix it for you girl? I’d twiss up more than your ankle…. and twist your back out too girl!

This could be the one time we may never hear the blasted CM Punk chant, when Hulk Hogan is out here!

I though for a split second that Arnold Schwarzenegger was doing the Vincent Kennedy walk! Yo Arnie? You still got that WWF Title?

Hold up – Arnie and his bredrin wants in the Battle Royal??? But…but….but…!!!! Well he did box down Triple!

Maybe Arnie has another box left in him! YES! BOX DOWN THE MIZ! Him too outta order and bright!!! About ‘You don’t belong here’!!!! Feisty wretch! Him nuh read the news? Nobody talking about his dumb @$$ at WrestleMania XXVII… hell – NO ONE TALKS ABOUT WRESTLEMANIA XXVII!!!

Interesting – WWE still endorsing The Rock and his Hercules movie… something tells me we haven’t seen the last of the great one… not saying that we will see him at big BIG WrestleMania this year…

While the Big Show battles Titus O’Neill, the crowd thought it was a good idea to chant the name of he who doesn’t care… Well the people’s champion did tell you…

Meme courtesy of STC admin - Ian Cooper

Yo have you heard that new track dedicated to the Wyatt man them by my dude Consequence? The tune is DON! Yo this is RePPiN4U: Represent the Real Hip Hop… this tune is crazy!

That should be their WrestleMania theme tune word up!!!

Damn the fans don’t like Cena very much do they? Still chanting Fruity Pebbles and sh!t, fully backing Luke Harper! When Cena was washing his face him start hallucinating the buzzard mask behind him, like when Randall did it in 2005 and he thought Undertaker was standing behind him…

Come on Cena!!! You can manage Luke Harper surely! That’s a nice twist in the crowd! The guys are like ‘LET’S GO HARPER!’ the kids are like ‘HARPER SUCKS!’ that’s cool!!

OH SH!T!!!! THAT IS F**KED UP AND AWESOME! The Wyatts turned out the lights, next thing you know Cena is tied up in the ropes and they put the buzzard mask on him!! BLODCLART!!!!! YO JAY!!!! I bet he’d be marking the f**k out when he saw that!

OH YEAAAH!!!! Funkadactyl time!!! Grantie’s Angels!!! Look at their attire! Why haven’t they posed for Black Men’s Magazine yet??? Never mind AJ Lee’s 281 day reign…

OH NO!! This might be the most f**ked up Divas title match at WrestleMania ever! AJ gotta defend her title against every single diva??? I WIN AGAIN!! I’m looking forward to this sh!t! Did you see the look on my Tamina’s face when she found out she’s in the match? Who am I backing??? I back all of em!!! OH YEAH!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

BIG UPS TO THE LATEST HOF INDUCTEE!!! RAZOR RAMON!!! Yes I heard you IWC Dickheads questioning Ramon’s achievements… I throw my toothpick at you muthaf***az… SHUUDUP!!! Just like Jake The Snake… he went to Yoga Rehab and come back powerful! MY NINJA! SALUTE!

razor ramon hof

Hold up – Seth Rollins paying homage to Eddie Guerrero with the three amigo suplex!

Yo JAY-BEE – I notice how you mention everybody birthdays apart from one man… I suppose that’s part of his gimmick, like Undertaker is not supposed to celebrate a birthday…

GUN SHOT BY JAY-BEE!!! Michael Cole says that Dean Ambrose is the longest running US Champion, and Jay-Bee says ‘well yeah because he doesn’t defend it!!!’ echoing what the fans have said for months now!

That was a superb tag team contest between the Shield and the Real Americans! Seth Rollins once again the superstar! But The Shield nah dun! Them grab hol’ of Cesaro, set up the announce table – Triple Powerbomb through that b!tch – BLAOW!!!!

LOOK PON THIS! My hero Kane and the New Age Outlaws – IN SUITS!!! It’s the Authority vs the Swat Team at WrestleMania! I expect RUCKUS!!!!

Oh well no sign of JTG… never mind Cardenas, there’s always the Battle Royal!

So Brock Lesnar is sporting a new shirt – Eat, Sleep, Break the Streak!!! NEVERRRRR!

Paul Heyman can always talk that sh!t all day… but Brock is like – ENOUGH OF THAT SH!T! LET’S FIGHT!

Undertaker’s like – I built this casket for you muthaf***a! When you see the druids, you know sh!t got serious! Undertaker is f**k!n with Brock right now! Open the casket if you’re bad BROCK!

OH SNAP! Nobody inna deh! Did you ever think Brock would get shook??? Yes the mighty Brock Lesnar could have doo-doo going down his leg… The casket lid close, it open back… OH SNAP! the Undertaker’s in it! THAT’S HOW TO DELIVER A MESSAGE!

#VOCAREADREGNUM!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

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The Jobber Blogger #95 – TNA: LOCKDOWN – 9/3/14

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The Jobber Blogger

Doesn’t it feel like a long time since we saw a TNA PPV? I don’t even remember when the last one was. I believe it was Genesis that ran for Two Weeks at the end of January. I suppose straight after that we were in the UK for a Month. Now, I did go on a bit about the UK Shows. See, I love the UK Shows! Sure the Audio is a bit iffy, the Camera’s don’t look quite so crisp, the stage sort of sucks. But the People turn up to watch, and that’s amazing! It looks great because there is a huge crowd. This huge crown in turn is loud, which creates great atmosphere and the Wrestlers themselves up their games and feed off of this crowd, it works ever so well.

So it was Lockdown this past weekend (or right now in the UK) and it seems they took the name to literal, as they clearly didn’t let everyone in the building.

Straight away TNA goes from looking like a Huge wrestling company, to being a slightly better attended basic Wrestling show in your local Leisure Centre. Albeit it with some pretty big names from the Business.

And that is the problem with Lockdown, it just doesn’t “feel” good. It’s hard to get excited when the crowd doesn’t build that reaction. Things just sort of fly over-head. This in turn is a huge shame, because Lockdown was packed with awesomeness! How much awesomeness you ask… well let me tell you!

TNA LOCKDOWN

TNA: LOCKDOWN – 9/3/14

Bad Influence and Chris Sabin vs. Sanada, Yasu and The Great Muta

Should I skip over the part where I always believed the Great Muta to be a women’s Wrestler?

I don’t quite know what is going on, I like that TNA put some Japanese Wrestlers in the ring, but Sanada is the new X-Division Champion, I believe he is at least sticking around for a little while. Yasu seemed to be hated by his own team mates, and well The Great Muta had some chants and excitement. But I fully believe that is because people knew his name and wanted to see him in the ring…. rather than they have any idea of who he is. Though that could just be me?

I believe Kaz and Daniels rocked an early NWA – Great Muta attire for this match, but Daniels’ X-Men logo on the side of his tights spoke louder to me than…. words, spoken really loudly.

Like getting a Karaoke machine but using it to just amplify Farts out of your window…. Of course I never did such a thing… o.O

Aside from the fact that Sanada just reminded me of the Japanese Gaming Market, he was actually rather good in-between those ropes! I look forward to him actually getting a “role” on the show as the X-Division Champion, and to see where that goes. The whole thing is weird though, now I knew Aries lost the belt, but Aries didn’t even mention it, TNA didn’t mention it. They made a point to tell you about the time-travelling Tag-Team Championship debacle, but Aries losing his Main Event – World Heavyweight Ticket? Nothing.

Muta sprayed the mist at Kaz, which is what led to the downfall of Team TNA, with Sanada’s Moon Sault securing the victory. Muta seemed very angry, like you’d expect a Japanese Wrestling Veteran to be. He seemed to shove Yasu out of the way to get his Mist Pellets, and even at one point in the Match was kicking Yasu whilst he was on the floor. No respect for your Younger Generation quickly working their way to make you unemployed… bastards!

Muta

What started as clever Word-Play, turned into a rather Gay Personal Request

Samuel Shaw vs. Mr. Anderson

What can you say about this one? Shaw declares that Christy Hemme avoiding being at ring-side is not “keeping it professional”. And so to one-up her, he threatens to Jump off the top of the Cage to the Floor. So now his character is not only perverted, but a perverted stalker, perverted stalker creep, perverted stalker creep with rage, but a perverted stalker creep with rage and suicidal tendencies….. bastard.

Awesome?

Is it bad I sort of liked that given the non “PC” nature of this Story / Character already, had Anderson come out and tell him that he should kill himself, by jumping off of something even higher. The whole thing is a little odd, and I sort of don’t like it. But at the same time, I don’t hate it either. In fact I actually like that Anderson has still got the crowd chanting “Creepy Bastard”. I just want that to be a thing that sticks with him… always.

The main thing I wanted to get out of this match was to actually see Shaw perform. We’ve seen him a couple of times before via Gut Check, but this is the first time he actually got to be his new Character and have a full Match. And he didn’t squander that opportunity, he and Anderson both matched up well, an awesome looking Back Suplex from the top rope and a rather nasty looking Mic Check into the second Turnbuckle. Whilst on the subject, Shaw sold the first Mic Check to the floor pretty damn good. It’s such a stupid move, so props to Shaw on that one.

Though of course this is just getting started, and obviously it needed to come with as many “dumb” ideas as good ones. Like oh I dunno, Christy Hemme coming to ring-side in the first place, let alone cheering on Anderson, let alone standing next to the giant open hole and being pulled in the Ring by Shaw. I would imagine that most people would just “avoid” the situation.

For me though the dumbest part of all was Earl Hebner fumbling around to get the Cage Door open. He took his sweet time to climb the Ring Steps, then he had to find the right key on his Lanyard, then he was struggling to get it in the lock. Of course this was to fill time before Shaw ran into the Door knocking Hebner to the floor. But the fact that you’re referee is so ill prepared to referee a match is ridiculous. It’s as if he would put on Gloves, dust down the Canvas and place a Knee Support Pad to kneel on before Counting. Who does that?

I love the fact that this made TNA’s official PPV – Photo’s Page

Anderson escaped the cage, but with Shaw pulling Hemme back in the ring Anderson made his way back in the cage to save her. Shaw then choked him out and escaped just as Hebner came to, and Huzah! A Victory.

EC3 as the newly declared “American Icon” issued out an Open Challenge seeing as Kurt wasn’t able to compete. And thankfully this segment was pretty damn good!

I don’t know who I was expecting to accept, but I certainly wasn’t expecting Bobby Lashley to return. Funny really, Lashley always looks too nice in the face to be as beefed up as he is. Not to mention his soft high pitched voice. It’s comedy gold, and incredibly unfortunate. Not Brock Lesnar level of girly scream unfortunate, but still, unfortunate.

Lashley two face

Lashley though didn’t Wrestle, he just Power-Slammed EC3 and then Speared him. The reason they didn’t have the Match was because he “isn’t on the Roster”. Though reports claim that Lashley is sticking around, so expect to see him soon.

Manik vs. Tigre Uno

Uno has been plugged a few times of late, and someone I was most excited to see debut. Having him do battle with Manik is a great choice also. Whilst I don’t think we’ve even started to scratch the surface of Tigre, his Debut was indeed impressive.

I actually didn’t really make many notes, it’s one of those matches you just need to Watch. He’s got a lot of hype behind him, Manik is great to watch perform anyway. And the match was very good, Tigre hit his finisher the “Sabre Tooth Spalsh”. Which is just as crazy as you would hope. Tenay said Uno is one of the best risk takers in the business, which I don’t know if that’s good or not? I guess so if you want to see crazy matches and moves, and then also maybe not? Either way, throw him in the X-Division, get Manik on screen, bring back Kenny King, Sanada, Aries, and you’ve got a pretty awesome mix!

James Storm vs. Gunner – Last Man Standing

This is probably my favourite match of the night. And that isn’t selling the Main Event short, but the whole feel is just what reminds me of the Wrestling I love.

Straight away Storm walks out with a New Entrance theme, a bit of a more “edgier” look, though the recently died hair and beard wasn’t really necessary. But I love that from PPV’s, you want things to be different and to change. Gunner had new attire also, but still the same naff entrance theme.

Straight away is a brawl, and I love that. They turned it into a street fight straight away, which also added the weapons to the ring before they actually got in the Cage to start the match. Though I still don’t they needed to be contained within the cage for a Last Man Standing match, though the added stipulation was a great bonus.

Yet again, it’s not often you can get with tying people by their Necks to things, but that’s what Storm did to Gunner, even if it didn’t hold for long. Throw in some hard hitting intensity, then you pretty much cover why this match was great. Storm throwing the chair at Gunner mid air before his attempted Diving Head-butt and of course the Superplex through the set up Chairs to close out the match were the highlights.

Gunner took the Victory, which is another step in his development, and rightfully so, I am sold on Gunner. I want him to get a new Theme, and give him Room to develop and you’ve got an extremely credible Wrestler.

Gail Kim (w/Lei’D Tapa) vs. Madison Rayne – Knockouts Championship

It’s weird to see the Knockouts in this type of environment, and in turn any time you see a more “crazy” match from Women’s Wrestlers, you tend to automatically praise it.

A lot of that goes with the unusual nature of the environment, but Gail and Madison put on a great match. Is it better than Tara and Mickie, probably not. But it’s the second best.

Taryn Terrell might be the Stunt Woman who doesn’t mind taking some pretty big knocks, but Gail seems to have no problem with it either. Her cross body Dive into the Turnbuckle which she connected with all Cage was pretty intense. Her Top Rope Neck-breaker to Madison also ranked up on the danger metre. Not that I think Cage matches need to be “Dangerous” per se.

Lei’D Tapa had her moments of shouting and attempting to Climb the cage, but it was Madison’s Top Rope Spear which won her the victory. Which is surprising, I actually thought Gail might win this one, I’m glad she didn’t though. Madison is having a rather good Run currently as Knockouts Champion.

Samoa Joe vs. Magnus – World Heavyweight Championship – Joe’s Rules

I don’t know quite what to make of this one. It’s border line of being quite irrelevant. I always think if your World Champion isn’t closing the show, that something is wrong.

And I couldn’t help but think that Magnus just doesn’t feel like the Champion. I mean, I know he is, but there are so many more moving parts in TNA, especially with the “battle for power”… again. But Magnus doesn’t seem all that relevant. I mean he was, when AJ was around. But you rewind a year to when Bully Ray took the Belt from Jeff, that meant something. Bully was the guy, though not as good as should have been. AJ was the guy, briefly. Hell, the World Championship hasn’t felt as important since it left the waist of Bobby Roode.

So here’s the problem, Joe is built up as being that unstoppable force, so now you need him to be stopped. Furthermore Magnus needs to still be relevant and also competent, surely?

Aside from some pretty good action in the ring, nothing really happened, yes Magnus got busted open, which you don’t often see. To be fair I would quite like Magnus vs. Joe in a No Holds Barred match, let them get gritty and violent. Would certainly change Magnus’ image, and he’s clearly rather capable.

So Joe controls the match, Muscle Buster, Choke, victory? Then this is where it gets weird. We’ve all seen the hand come through the ring before, but given what the match was, it seemed so strange to taint it in the way they did. You can let weird things happen in weird Wrestling matches, but Samoa Joe vs. Magnus, it seemed almost cheap. Which is no doubt why the crowd responded with a slew of “Bullsh*t” chants.

Joe tried to battle his way back to the surface of the ring but Abyss… Joseph Park followed him (still unmasked) and Blackhole Slammed him down, with Magnus locking on Joe’s submission Choke for the victory.

I doubt this is over, but the pairing of Magnus and Abyss is just as disappointing as how the match went down. I didn’t expect Joe to win, but, I dunno, I at least expected Magnus to cheat-win, differently.

Maybe I just have my heart set on Abyss coming back with James Mitchell, and so this way, he’s no different, just teamed with Magnus. Time will tell?

Team MVP vs. Team Dixie – Lethal Lockdown

Austin Aries and MVP kicked off the match which would be good, interesting, weird and out-there at the same time.

I mentioned last week, but giving Davey Richards the position they did, would instantly put him over Eddie, and with a new un-known team, that’s pretty crazy to do so early. Let alone how good they are as a Team, they’ve already planted a pretty hefty divide. When Davey hit the ring he was met with “Fu*k em’ Up, Davey, Fu*k em Up!” Chants. Where did that come from?

Dixie had been blabbing on all show about her “Secured Victory” from New York, and also how Jeff Hardy breached his contract when he walked out of TNA, so he was banned from the Building.

Obviously the final entrant was “Willow”. Which makes little sense to me. I don’t know what they were going for. Did Dixie sign “Willow” as a new Star? Did MVP have a hand in him joining. Why bother making him a “Character” like the video vignettes, which are pretty awesome, and then just have Jeff make his own entrance theme, which sounds exactly like you’d expect a Jeff Hardy entrance theme to sound like. Then he just looks like Jeff, Arm-Bands and everything, with his same move-set. So what’s the idea? Having Jeff debut a new Character, that’s cool, I get it, I’m on board. But when it’s just Jeff, dressed different and squealing like a woman, I don’t know what the goal to achieve was?

Either way, things got interesting when Dixie’s Special Referee / Enforcer turned up in the form of Bully Ray. Who also wasted no time putting a Table in the match.

From a match stand-point, it was great. And for these reasons let alone the stipulations of the match, with the added bonus of Willow / Bully, would make it the best match on the card.

The Wolves went Double Coast to Coast on Jesse, inside a Bin, leaning against an Upside down Robbie E. Aries Brain-busted Davey on an opened out Chair. Aries missed his 450 Splash and landed on a Bin, being followed by an impressive Twist-of-Fate / Swanton Bomb.

But it was Bobby Roode looking to Roode Bomb…. someone through the Table when Bully Ray stopped him. Also Bully then knocking down Roode leading to MVP’s Yakuza? kick for the Victory.

Seems fitting that twice in a row Bully has been the double crossing guy at Lockdown. We all knew he was turning Heel last year, but I toyed with the idea of him screwing Dixie out of her company, but wasn’t entirely sure he would.

So the double screw job / backfire was a pretty decent way to close out Lockdown, not to mention what it means going forward with MVP taking over “Wrestling Operations”.

Needless to say I look forward to the future of TNA, I hope they implement some great new Changes and shake it up.

Sucked the crowd wasn’t “fuller” and more lively for the show, but overall Lockdown was just as successful an Event as you’d hope.

 

On to Impact, for the Aftermath!

Till then!

Dan Wilkinson

www.thesteelchair.com

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

 

Monday Night Raw #1086: March 17, 2014!!!

Smack Talk Centre Ray Logo

The Infamous Informer

So then wrestling fans! Did you enjoy watching the Talking Dead? Seeing your boy Philip all up on the panel? You got your Vaseline there applying it to your genitalia? But you couldn’t cum because he mentioned absolutely NOTHING about WWE or his return? Like I told you last week…

Deep down you know it’s best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of Punk being with someone else
But you know that it’s over
You know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn!!!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Ok enough of that sh!t!!! I got my Jamaican ginger cake, strawberry cheesecake for when the diva dem come on! RAW #1086!! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZUsually every other Raw starts with Triple walking with his beloved walking hand in hand to the ring…. where’s your girl at Triple??? Sure she’s not here with me???

Hold up – my friend Batista has just cussed down Triple for possibly making it a Triple Threat match? Last time I checked Batista, you STOLE Danny/CM Punk’s spot, that’s why the fans them turn dem back pon yuh!

Even Randall has come out here cussing! Triple is trying to tell them it ain’t gonna happen! All we need now is Ric Flair to come out here! Then lo and behold, another RAW moment!

OH MY DAYS!!! I have just heard the most f**ked up scenario in this segment! Danny – you MUST defeat the evil Triple TEEF!!!! Because if you don’t , then TRIPLE will enter the championship match!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Evolution in the main event???? OH MY GOD NO!!!! That’s Internet Wrestling Armageddon!!!!! This must NEVER HAPPEN AT ALL COSTS! PEOPLE!!! WE MUST SUPPORT WRESTLEMANIA! NO STREAMING ALLOWED!!! Batista BEX! Now he realizes that it’s a mistake returning in the first place! I can hear the IWC right now: “Yeah and f**k off to where you came from…” Sounds borderline racist doesn’t it!!!

STC WrestleMania 30 Poster

In the end of the Real Americans Vs Uso Brudda contest, one man fly over the ring and clocks Swagger, but the other Uso Brudda tried the same thing, but got caught by Cesaro’s SHO-RYU-KEN!!!! Oh dear!!!! US-NOOOOO!!!!

Hold up – they be advertising that WWE Slam City animated thing, and they say – the same WWE Attitude????!!!!!! Better choose your words carefully WWE? You know the IWC catch on to everything!

What the f**k did Barrett say? Inebriated???? Did I even spell that right? Yes people, that means intoxicated! I need to use that word!!!!

Shout out to Hornswoggle (better known to me as Little Bastard) remember that? That’s his TV14 name by the way! Gotta represent for St Patrick’s Day! That day means nothing to me – due to my health issues I cannot drink alcohol, particularly Guinness!

Oh hang on – was Titus O’Neill and Sheamus fighting each other? Sorry I missed it…

OH NO! Arnold Schwarzenegger gonna be on Raw next week??? That brings back memories… doesn’t it Triple Teef??!!!!

WHOA!!!! John Cena is afraid of Bray Wyatt!!! He admits it!!! OH SNAP!!! Bray Wyatt says that Cena is filled with evil… HE’S RIGHT! Look how he treats Nikki Bella!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

That is f**ked up!!!!! Bray Wyatt wearing a John Cena shirt????? What is it this week??? F**ked up week??? Wyatt said he wants to be like Cena! He wants to go back home to that ‘plastic girlfriend’ in the castle!!! A SHOT AT NIKKI BELLA!! If this was TV14 mode I know where I would take this storyline!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

WTF was the dude sounding the ring bell for? It’s a NO DQ match between Randall and Danny! Tell him Randall! He should be fired straight away! Either that or drop an RKO on his @$$!

OH THAT WAS MAAAAD! Danny with the Kendo Stick, beating down Randall and kicking him down at the same time! accompanied with every YES! chant!

OH SNAP!! I thought my friend Batista left the building! Maybe he just needed fresh air… cleared his head top! Came back, speared Randall! Danny takes advantage, scores the win, but afterwards Batista took Randall, Batista bomb – BLAOW!!!!  That makes it even now after Randall dropped the RKO on Batista earlier, notice – the crowd chanting – ONE MORE TIME! To Batista… I thought y’all hated him???? You fickle fools!!!!

Ok nice convincing video promo Paul Heyman! But your boy ain’t beating mine!MIKE DOGG THE PHENOM Ok I’ll tell you right now – My name is the Infamous Informer, and I am the advocate of the man call – The UNNNNDERTAKERRRRR!!!!! I lead the Undertaker Million Man March… and if the recent Sting interview has anything to go by, Brock Lesnar WILL…REST…IN…PEACE!!! Saying that John Cena did want to fight Undertaker at WrestleMania 30… Ok Cena it’s not the desired reaper, but you’re fighting a different reaper nonetheless!

Even Stephanie is trying to make Triple Teef see sense! What if he wins the WWE World Heavyweight Title? What then???? Triple’s like – I GOT THIS! Stephanie’s like – ‘you better…’ well that means one of two things: One, this may trigger Vincent Kennedy to return, or two, Stephanie might leave him…and my phone might start ringing off!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Big ups to Goldust, doing this wrestling sh!t for 20 years, and he brukk up Fandango! Fandango you WACK!!!! Go sidung! Summer Rae gon leave you, word up!

According to my hero Kane, it was Jerry Lawler that secretly helped Danny Bryan Occupy Raw last week… listen to JAY-BEE rub it in! Lawler’s innocent surely!

Injustice! Send for The Shield!!!! Jerry’s forced into the ring! Didn’t he have a heart attack some time ago???

SWITCH!!!! The Shield do what’s Best For Business! They turned on Kane and brukk him up!!! Dammit Kane why did you trade your sorcery for this Authority nonsense???!!! The Shield should be sh!t scared of your @$$! Has the Shield as a whole turned face? Thank goodness that rumoured triple threat match between the three isn’t happening at WrestleMania, sounds good but not epic enough for WrestleMania! Triple Power Bomb to Kane through the ring – BLAOW!!

YES! This is what I’ve waited for right here! Total Diva time! Naomi is back in effect as well, even though she’s gotta Gabrielle/Sagat thing going on with her eye! Remember this?

Listen to the Bella Twins trying to get Jay-Bee’s d!ck hard, telling him they got tattoos on their body, and inviting him to twitter to have a look pon their hinstagram!

Wait a minute – has Naomi got a new supermove??? a turnbuckle moonsault similar to what RVD does???

Now she has pinned AJ, now the champion wants to take it out on Tamina, you don’t wanna do that madam! Tamina pitches her down ONE TIME! Nikki Bella beat AJ, so has Naomi, I think Natalya has too! Where is this going??? I smell a divas championship scramble at WrestleMania! (come on Grant you’re not WWE creative!) Oh yeah… I’m not…sh!t…

BIG UPS TO MR T!!! NEWEST INDUCTEE IN THE HALL OF FAME!!! Excellent choice for the celebrity wing! Imagine that at big BIG WrestleMania XXX, Hulk Hogan, Mr T and The Ultimate Warrior will reunite! How crazy is that! DON’T THIS SH!T MAKE YOU WANNA…JUMP! JUMP!

Big E. Ryback. Curtis Axel. Dolph Ziggler. Sandow. Big Show. Bertie. My dude Mark Henry. All competing among a few more in the 30-Man Battle Royal. I wished they gave Sandow back the mic though… It’s Barrett that’s running away with that though!

Wait a minute – Batista just said to my girl Renée Young that he’s never quit anything of his life????? Are you sure about that my friend???

It hurts me to say this Batista but…. GET IN THE CH… Oh wait….

OH SNAP!!! Undertaker on WWE Main Event this week? You know I gotta watch that! I don’t check for Main Event!

WTF? Is that an Eminem track for this John Cena Vs Bray Wyatt match for WrestleMania???? Back foot!!! Is that a hint that Eminem might be in the building in New Orleans? Probably performing for Cena’s entrance? More likely we might get a performance from Kid Rock too… Cena is fighting for his legacy? WTF does that mean? Now they tryna make it out like it’s a big profile match… now all the Eminem purists are hunting that Legacy tune down as we speak… unless of course it’s already on the MMLP2 album that the Infamous Informer thinks it’s not all that it is hyped up to be… (it is on the album Grant…) oh seen!

Now it’s time for some real talk from Danny and Triple…

So you mean to tell me that all this sh!t that Triple did to Danny, was apparently Best For Business… not personal… but you see Triple, if you just let Danny become champion in the first place your business would have boomed!!!!! And I thought we would go through a show without a CM Punk chant… oh snap – Stephanie called the cops on Danny! Put the handcuffs on him, but here’s the twist – they’re not real cops! They just guys from developmental! And now, Triple TEEF went and destroyed a helpless Daniel Bryan! Have you heard of the art of fighting without fighting? Well this was the art of using the hammer without USING THE HAMMER!!! Look at Stephanie with those b!tch slaps! The look on her face! That is straight Vincent Kennedy! The EVIL TRIPLE TEEF that I hated in 1999/2000/2001 is back in full effect in 2014!!! You mean to tell me that this is simply gonna be a single match at WrestleMania? NO WAY. That beatdown was personal. THAT NO GOOD SON OF A B!TCH!!! JR would have went OFF!!!

It might mean ‘Call to The Kingdom’ in Latin, but when I see it displayed on Triple’s titantron it simply means to me ‘UUUUUSE DE HAMMER!’

#VOCAREADREGNUM!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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The Jobber Blogger #94 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 6/3/14

Jobber Blogger logo2

I am Energised! And yes, let’s hope that leads to some Star Trek references this week! But no, it’s not Star Trek that energised me, it’s not even that dream I had about Jeff Hardy which I no longer remember… or blanked from my mind. Rather, I have been stocking up full of that glorious thing we call Nostalgia! What is it about these things we loved as a Child that just tickle your excitement bones for remained of your life. I watched The Matrix when it first came out, and I love it to this day, but it’s not something I find myself geeking out over. But from the ages of 10 and down things like Biker Mice from Mars, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and the 90’s Spider-man cartoon get me giddier than Miley Cyrus’ next bright idea of being “controversial”.

Miley Ness

I suppose I have that nostalgia with Wrestling too, but it’s just not as strong. Sure the old school Hardy Boyz entrance theme still rattles my giblets, and just thinking of SummerSlam 2000 has my slobbering like Anderson in the midst of a Biker Gangs arrival.

Anderson Dog

I am so prepped and excited for Lockdown that if I watched this in this current mind set, I would no doubt give it a 10 out of Horse, which ironically is the new scale Tesco use to gauge how much “Beef” is in their Beef…. also horse.

…. Wrestling!

Impact Wrestling Logo

TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 6/5/14

Oh holy high hell Batman, we’re going back to America! I love the British crowds, but I am sick of them now. Perhaps just taping one show a night would be better? Or better yet, Air Live again one night, then Tape, then try and keep it up to date.

Though as a “Go Home” show, which I also shouted repeatedly whilst watching, TNA did however manage to keep up their streak of “Good Wrestling Television”. As opposed to their up and down streak, and even a year or so ago their patented “Total Nonstop Promos” streak.

But alas, I digress, not everything can be about Wrestling, in a Wrestling show.

Bobby Roode and The Bromans kicked off the show, and further ruined the Space Time Continuum by just HURTING my head with these incessant Title Changes.

TNA come to the UK, a few days in the UK they go to America, The Wolves defeat The Bromans in America at a house show, they come back to the UK, a day later they are in Japan where The Bromans win the belts back… and now they’re back in the UK.

Doc Brown

Was it really that important? What makes it crazier is that TNA planned this… this wasn’t a random “you know, we should drop the belts, to give the House show audience something good, or even drop the belts in Japan”. This was planned, Two Title changes that happened over a Month later than when they filmed these UK Shows. I get that they probably wanted some Titles to change hands in the Wrestle-1 event in Japan, and to do that, they obviously wanted the belts on The Bromans, so therefore they needed to lose them.

The Wolves are fantastic, and I don’t by any means want them to have the Belts already, I barely know this team. They are impressive, and they are quickly becoming one of my favourite teams, and Davey Richards’ recent talk of WWE/ROH and TNA gained him some huge respect in my eyes. But The Bromans have been building to this moment, not to mention Bad Influence, TNA teams, losing out to some new guys in a matter of weeks (days if you look at it in actuality). I think a Title Change after Lockdown makes sense, but right now, you’ve messed with my head and now my hair has no style.

Bad Hair Style

Aries interrupted Roode, in what is yet another great Austin Aries move, I’ve always said, I want him as slap bang in the middle of a Face/Heel you could get. The fabled “Over Heel”. I made that up.

The crowd love him, even though he’s not going to suck up to the good guys. Aries aligned himself with Roode, makes sense from a TNA point of view, MVP represents yet another “WWE guy” with some new talent, as at least Roode, Aries, Robbie E and Jesse are established TNA guys. Aries also wants a slice of Roode’s 10% ownership, yet another reason why I love that Aries teamed with Roode. The Bromans were quick to jump on the ownership bandwagon also.

MPV with The Wolves (and yes, a cut down Entrance theme this time, it’s like they read my blog last week and went back in time to correct it on a show they recorded a month ago…) Arghh!

Without any surprise really, MVP announced that Jeff Hardy will be joining his team at Lockdown. Which gives MVP a pretty big advantage.. even though Jeff is a “WWE” guy too, though I think you could make an argument for him being as much of a TNA guy now as he is a WWE guy.

The most intriguing part of this was Dixie saying she was in New York last week… also ironic given that this show was filmed right after last week’s one… she’s lying to us all! Unless she was just on the phone to New York for an hour before this segment filmed. Clearly mine and Magnus’ warnings of London didn’t ring true enough.

Regardless, she said, and I quote “I was in New York to secure my Victory for Lockdown”. Not an exact quote, but when does that ever stop us journalists. What that means, I don’t know. But it’s exciting to think about.

Though of course what is perhaps the most thought tickling, is Bobby Roode and Jeff Hardy back in the same ring, after of course, what happened last time…

Jeff escapes Roode

MVP and The Wolves vs. Robbie E, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode – Man Advantage for Lockdown

Yes, the winning team in this 6-Man Elimination Tag-Team match gets the “Man Advantage” for Lockdown. Oh how I love Elimination Matches, I want more of them. Maybe even one of those Timed matches where the final pinfall / submission winner before the clock runs out wins. Like the old Hardcore matches, but only with a significant belt.

There was a lot of moving parts in this match up, but the biggest story driven element is that of Austin Aries saving Roode from defeat multiple times, and eliminating Eddie Edwards, not to mention helping Roode cheat to pin out MVP.

In the end it came down to Roode and Aries against Davey Richards, but that was cut short when Aries went to town on Richards’ shoulder with a Chair, getting himself DQ’d and the match thrown out.

Davey was then given an ultimatum, he had an hour to Rest Up and restart the match between himself and Bobby Roode, or forfeit the match to Roode – More on this later.

Samuel Shaw vs. Eric Young

Plenty of meaty awesome-sauce from this one. Not only was Odo Shaw rather good, but having EY come out in London to a mass of EY Chants was a sight to witness. Never understood why EY has been pushed further than he has, he’s a fantastic Wrestler and easily one of the best Characters in Wrestling. Sure, I miss his crazy bandana neckerchief and angry short removing attire, but EY is EY.

To make it even better Anderson filled in for the role of Christy Hemme, everything from announcing himself as the Ring Announcer to announcing Sam Shaw as “Creepy Bastard” which was even more hilarious this week than last, to yet another Creepy Bastard chant (I hope this sticks around).

It’s a little weird to have a guy Wrestling in the attire Shaw does, but I guess that does sell his character, plus he does have some rather crazy looking tattoos which don’t fit quite as well, I wouldn’t have thought.

Shaw brought a cup of Tea to the ringside with him, and yes, it’s our Cat-Nip people, I crave it, like Miley Cyrus craving attention for being controversial.

Miley NessWhat?… Too many in one Post?

Shaw through this Tea in the face of EY, who he then shoved into Anderson. This knocked Anderson down for a brief second when Shaw locked on his Submission Choke hold once more. And with Anderson out of the way, Shaw went on his journey to find Christy Hemme…..o.O

EC3 hit the ring to declare himself the “American Icon”. Which I have no problem with.

Angle though confronted EC3 having taken a disliking to his “American Icon” moniker. EC3 left without confrontation, and then returned quickly to attack Angle, and also to attack Kurt’s leg once more.

Though Angle was only Wrestling two days prior to this match, we all know his Leg is more banged up than TNA are trying to let on. It’s rather obvious as Kurt doesn’t look stable on his feet at all. So to know that, and then watch EC3 attack his leg again, it wasn’t somewhat difficult to witness.

It now appears that the Kurt Angle vs. EC3 match at Lockdown has since been cancelled, maybe Kurt isn’t 100%, maybe they want to sell the Storyline slightly longer and have Kurt and EC3 in a Cage next Month? Or even at Slammiversary. Or maybe they took JR’s comment of Kurt Angle being booked in a Mid-Card match to heart and called it off.

)

Kenny King  – King of the Night.

I like that Kenny is coming back, he’s awesome, though it’s almost a re-branding with it saying “Coming Soon”. He’s been quite a few times before.

I hope this time he gets to stick around a little while longer, and actually make more of an Impact. He’s got a lot of Talent, TNA need to use that.

Gail Kim, Lei’D Tapa and The Alpha Female vs. Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne and ODB

And going from the talented Kenny King, we find this mess. See, I love, LOVE! That we have Lei’D Tapa and The Alpha Female in TNA, I want more fresh faces in the Knockouts. I’ll say it again, I Want Angelina Love back and let’s reform the Beautiful People.

But it just bugs me how much Tapa and Alpha suck, Velvet Sky… I’ll say that again – Velvet Sky, defeated The Alpha Female.

How does this happen? How is it Lei’D Tapa isn’t a Force to be reckoned with. Velvet isn’t going to do anything to beat these two, it’s not like it’s even a struggle for her. She just wins, as if she’s beating Madison. Least Gail Kim can sell Velvet’s ability, and that’s believable, put her up against these huge towering power-houses, and Velvet is still hitting them around like they’re nothing.

Throw in Gail trying to help them to win… what kind of booking is that?

Samuel Odo Shaw finally tracked down the whereabouts of Christy Hemme, and blinded by…. something, he clearly couldn’t tell that it was a Wig. Kudos to Anderson for selling the skit, despite how dumb it might have been.

Anderson Hemme

When I say dumb, I by no means meant that I am not happy this took place. I rather enjoyed it. In as least a creepy way as possible.

Gunner and Storm had their little last minute interaction before Lockdown, saying that Gunner is a different man when locked inside the cage. Gunner said that, not Storm… just to clarify. Instead of just being your usual Cage-Match, it’s now a Last Man Standing – Cage Match. Which is awesome!

I’m hoping for good things from these two, I know they’re capable of it. This whole journey was been to put Gunner on the map, and it’s working. This is his chance to shine. If his bout with Magnus is anything to go by, then this could be fantastic.

I’m hoping to chaos, and surely they can get outside the Cage too under the rules of the match?

Storm hit a cheap shot on Gunner, and finished him off with his Last Call – Superkick.

Bobby Roode vs. Davey Richards

That’s the first time I’ve written Davey’s name as a Match header. It is odd to think of them as Davey and Eddie. They don’t sound like Wolves.

Roode tried to get a Count-Out Victory, but obviously Davey came to the ring to compete. MVP talked him round to fighting backstage, and Davey said some crap about MVP’s speech in Japan (which hadn’t happened at that time).

The props go out to Davey, though he did run shoulder first into the Turnbuckle, get dropped with the Roode Bomb and then locked into the Cross-Face and Tapped out.

The whole thing sells Davey, which is a good sign, unless you want them to stick around as a Team. Already Davey is being played off as “The” guy from The Wolves. The second you plant that seed, Eddie loses his position. Furthermore it creates that “he’s going to turn”. Which is ridiculous to put in place this early. I don’t expect anything to come from it. Other than Davey being a Team Player. I honestly hope to see The Wolves a Tag-Team…. always. At least for a good few years.

Roode then locked on the Arm-bar after the Bell Rang, and then made a run for it before MVP and Eddie got to the scene. So now, Davey is going in “injured” to Lockdown. I’m still unsure of who I want to win. Probably MVP with the idea of complete “Change”. Though a Bobby Roode controlled TNA working with Dixie isn’t a bad idea either. Win Win?

Team WinWin

Samoa Joe and Magnus had one last “Face Off” before Lockdown. And no, they didn’t exchange Faces.

Typical last minutes intense speeches which will no doubt be added into the Video Promo. Magnus responded with a Joe like Head-Butt, though it wasn’t enough. This encouraged Joe’s wrath  and he beat down on Magnus and then made him Tap-Out.

Lockdown is Live Tonight if you’re lucky enough to be in the US. If not, then it’s up Tomorrow if you’re cheeky enough to seek it out Online. And it will be airing on Wednesday here in the UK!

The Card is as follows!

Manik vs. Tigre Uno

Bad Influence & Chris Sabin vs. Great Muta, Sanada & Nakanoue

Mr. Anderson vs. Samuel Shaw

Gunner vs. James Storm – Last Man Standing

Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim

Team Roode – Bobby Roode, Austin Aries and The Bromans vs. Team MVP – MVP, The Wolves and Jeff Hardy – Lethal Lockdown

Magnus vs. Samoa Joe – World Heavyweight Championship – Joe’s Rules – Knockout / Tap-Out

I hope to have my Lockdown Write up posted for Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest!

Till then, enjoy Lockdown!

Dan Wilkinson

www.thesteelchair.com

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

TNR Cover 12 (w facebook address)