Category Archives: Wrestling

Monday Night Raw #1298, April 9, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

SHAME. SHAME. SHAME! RING THE BELL!

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Imagine! I’m supposed to talk about how Ronda Rousey looked sexy in that little kilt she had on, I should talk about when a little kid named Nicholas is a tag team champion and could get the next Warrior award next year, I should talk about how NO ONE apart from Mike Knoxxx knew that Brock Lesnar was gonna hold down the title and could be going for the 434 days…which I support I might add! I should even talk about the Undertaker! Looking like a million bucks and f**ked up John Cena… but when you talk WrestleMania moments… it doesn’t get better than this! Natalya exposing her shaven pu$$y in front of 78,811 fans… GOD DAYUUUUUUM!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1298! RAW AFTER MANIA! Who’s coming from NXT? Who is gonna surprise our @$$£$?

Look at Stephanie’s arm!! AWWWWWWW!!! Now SHUDDUP and sign those cheques!

Hey Ronda girl don’t trust that Stephanie!!! What is she up to?

It’s very similar to when Vincent Kennedy was trying to tell Austin that he needs to adapt and be flexible, and adaptation is a key of life as well as in business! Now fans! Telling Steph to shut the f**k up is advice YOU GUYS should be practicing!

Rousey as Austin: “Can I get 10 seconds to think about it?”

Stephanie as Vince: “By all means!”

Rousey as Austin: ARM BAR AS THE STUNNER!

NIA JAX: NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

nia jax oh my dayz

Wait a second – it’s a handicap match? Mickie James & Alexa must combine their force? Why don’t the fans chant…. OH SNAP THEY CALLED ALEXA AN @$$HOLE! WHOA!

IT’S NO HANDICAP! EMBER MOON IS IN THE BUILDING!!!! YES!!!

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SEXY B!TCH! LOOK AT HER! OWWWWWWWWW!

Even better – she hit Alexa Bliss with the Eclipse super move! BEAUTIFUL! LIFE IS GOOD!

Well what do you know?! Nicholas is over with the crowd! BUT Nicholas has school! So They have given up the titles! I was hoping Nicholas was gonna get some pu$$y with those tag titles!

GRANT BODY-P!

NO WAY JOSE is on the house! Yes its that Adam Rose sh!t all over again… I see people complaining on the internet already… come on man it’s party time!

SETH ROLLINS! NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!!!

I don’t know what all that was about thanks to the stream, but it looks like as the Miztourage was gonna take on Finn Balor & Seth Rollins, JEFF HARDY comes out!!! So hmmmm! They not gonna run with that Brother Nero sh!t????

The fans are still singing that stupid song to Bayley? NOT Mandy Rose??? AH CHUPID SONG!!! Mind you I wouldn’t be too happy if the crowd sand ‘Guess Who Loves You More’ to Naomi… even though I would understand!

Holy smokes Paige has finally dropped the R – Bomb… like Undertaker put back on his gloves and his coat and his hat, but Paige is the one who is forced to put down her pale make up in the middle of the canvas… this is the part where I should say ‘Thank You Paige’… but since I was never a fan… I’ll leave that to you guys.

Now if I was Elias I would be careful what I say on that guitar! One false mention of the don of dons and he’s going to be in a box!!!!

The WWE Universe is down with Walking With Elias though!!! Not me though – I’m hip hop to the core!

You know what Elias – dissing the crowd might not help you!

BUMBACLAAAAAAAAAT! BOBBY LASHLEY!!!! HOLY SMOKES!!! HE’S NOT SHUCKING AND JIVIN’! 

You know what Apollo? retreat to Smackdown! It’s not a good look for you kid!

GUNSHOT! “Our tag team division is full, but I heard TNA is hiring…” I can’t believe Kurt said that!!!! THE FIFTH WALL IS BROKEN!

You don’t suppose Vincent Kennedy has brought…. nah it cannot be possible surely?!!!

Heath Slater & Rhyno – you guys are going in a box – THE AUTHORS OF PAIN ARE HERE! Thanks for being WWE superstars… you will be missed…

Here he is! Mr Marmite! The Big Dog! Come on fans! He didn’t retire The Undertaker! Cut him some slack!

Brock Lesnar has re-signed with the World Wrestling Federation! Oh man! And he’s fighting Double R at the Greatest Royal Rumbles! Come on BROCK! I’m only supporting you because I want you to break the 434!

Oh man! Double R has still gotta deal with this dude! Samoa Joe – who has missed TWO WrestleManias on the trot… that’s f**ked up!

See Samoa Joe is running down Reigns calling him a failure… but Reigns could have countered like – yeah it took 6 F5s to put me down! It only took ONE to put you down! Sorry Double R, you made yourself look like a beeeeeattchhh!

GRANT BODY-P!

Bray Wyatt ‘reincarnated’… now he plays second fiddle to Matt Hardy! WOW! What a b!tch!

So, Kurt says if Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn want a job… they gotta fight for it… such is life!

Er… oh no! Neither individual answered the 10 count! Now both are not on RAW either! Maybe ROH are hiring… or New Japan even… that’s not a bad thing? We love the New Japan!

Kami TNA

Commentators acknowledging the possibility that The Miz could go to Smackdown in the shake up (which happens next week) and restarting the beef with Danny Bryan!

Wasn’t it glorious when Jeff Hardy, Seth Rollins and Finn Balor f**ked up the Miztourage! OHHHH WHAT A FEELING!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1297, April 2, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

DISRESPECT!

Cena disrespect 2

This goes out to  a one Nicole Bella… you might wanna think about trading your wedding dress for a black dress just like Hilary Banks did on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air… you won’t be marrying Jonathan Cena… you best start looking for eligible wrestling fans who are dying to stick their little matchstick into you…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1297! CAN I ROCK IT? (YES YOU CAN!!!)

I got the jaffa cakes, the Rockstar – The Energy Drink, the pudding… yo! This is big BIG WRESTLEMANIA!!!

Shout out to the dude in the audience with the ZZ Top beard – you got a Wu-Tang shirt on! MAXIMUM RESPECT!

Funny how Triple Teef & Steph know the ‘rules’… they break the rules all the time! Triple is ULTIMATE TEEF!

Aaaah sheeeeeet Steph is hitting secret power points of Ronda! ‘The world knows how you handle losses!’ Ronda counters! ‘are you left-handed or right-handed Steph?’ (Right of course) – ‘well I just wanna make sure you can still sign my cheques after I break your arm!’

But the face off killed me!!! Somehow that evil Triple Teef used the microphone and lick Kurt Angle in the back of his head! The distraction enabled Stephanie to grab Rousey and suplex her through the table!!!! OH MY DAYS! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!

Yo – don’t be surprised if I don’t talk about the actual wrestling matches this week!!!

Go on Sonya Deville! Go on girl! Kick that Bayley’s behind!!!

You think Mike Cole, The Coach and Corey Graves will call Bayley – ‘Mrs Aaron Solow?!’

GRANT BODY-P!

If you’re wondering ‘what in blazes was that all about…’ let me see if the tweet is still there…

Screenshot-2018-4-3 Aaron Solow on Twitter Wrestled tonight and my notifications are flooded with no comments about the mat[...]

I’m surprised he’s got a verified account… I DON’T KNOW THAT FOOL!

GRANT BODY-P!

Oh dear! Sasha helped Bayley while she was getting buss arse but Bayley & Sasha cannot sort out their sh!t!

265-0!!!! GOOD LORD!!! Yo Charlotte – don’t get using any bullsh!t @$$ Taser on Asuka’s breasts to break the streak!

I guess I should congratulate Miz & Maryse on the birth of their daughter! But I can’t be bothered….

The Miz claims you are gonna see three of the absolute best wrestlers in that Intercontinental contest! That includes himself! Monroe sky (the baby) has changed him and made him a better man! That holds true but does it make him a better wrestler???? Like Busta Rhymes I’m saying HMMMMMMMM!

You know what – Mike Cole is being a b!tch here! The Miz is a FATHER now! He has responsibilities! He’s tryna act like Miz should be in the ring at tip-top condition! I’m not a Miz fan but Miz – CLAP MIKE COLE IN HIS HEAD PLEASE!!!

WOW! I have never heard The Miz so genuinely positive about a match! And the Miz didn’t even teef! That match between Balor & Rollins was don!

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Oh man this is it people! We are gonna see what creative are made of! Will the don of dons answer Cena’s challenge??? I just wanna know how…

Bwoy it looks like Cena has finally given up on the don!!! The fans haven’t – they are still chanting his name! I’m just nervous of the whole thing!

Atlanta is not making enough noise to summon the Undertaker! Come on Atlanta! Chant his name like Chicago chants CM PUNK! Chant his name like you did the day after WrestleMania when his name was chanted for 10 minutes straight!

“You may have left your hat in the ring… but you left your balls at home…”

Wow! Still NO UNDERTAKER! Ok NOW I am dumbfounded! Maybe we just gotta stay tuned to the end!

Come on Nia?!?!!!! Why did you confide in a bad minded person like Alexa Blitch? The gyal has NO MANNERS! Acting like her sh!t don’t stink!

Wait a second – Alexa & Mickie face Dana Brooke and Asuka??!!! This should be good!

I’m supposed to be watching Asuka fine @$$ but I just discovered that RePPiN4U HIP HOP SHOW is featured in a new article! HOLY SMOKES!

Mickie got caught with the Asuka lock! Asuka now – 266-0! You know what that also means too? That Asuka & Miz will WIN the mixed match challenge because that will be 267-0!

There is no way Brock and Paul are simply gonna stand in the ring and just… chat…

WWE superstars have barricaded the ramp like Double R is gonna pass through them… He’s only gonna either come down the stairs, or come through the crowd!

Paul Heyman dared to talk about breaking the Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak! You would have thought the gong would have sounded right there!

Double R really did come through the entrance! Oh no! He called Brock a Part Time Bastard!

OH SNAP! THEY LET HIM THROUGH!!!! Double R come for Brock! And 5 five superman punches was not enough to keep Brock down – F5 – BLAOW!!!!

Here’s me thinking that the gong would have sounded even in a segment that may or may not have made sense… but it’s like yo, I was so convinced that Undertaker had retired from last year, I made myself believe that but then this storyline with Cena had me second guessing… but the gong has not sounded at all! There’s no match up graphic, nothing! Am I really saved from the chair which STC’s Ian Cooper was hoping for???

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Monday Night Raw #1296, March 26, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

DISRESPECT!

Cena disrespect

I’ve never known anyone who wants to be put in a box so badly! Hey this could end up being a good ol’ casket match at WrestleMania! (A part of me DOES NOT want the American BadAss… I’m sorry I’m a phenom guy!) But hey – seeing Undertaker FULL STOP gonna make me mark the f**k out!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1296! “I’VE CHISELED YOUR TOMBSTONE… SLEEP WELL!!” (W.Krauser, Fatal Fury 2, 1992)

Eat, Sleep, Pace Up and Down while Paul Heyman chats, get paid, REPEAT! EASY MONEY like his name was John Connor, hacking the WWE payroll!!!

Even Paul Heyman is down with the Double R music! STC’s Callum Pattison invented that!

OH SNAP! Double R is eating his words ain’t he? Heyman just said Reigns is advertised and he’s not showing up!!! OH NO!!! Double R DID say he would be here every week!

Hang on – Double R is HERE! He’s not eating sh!t!

Reigns is bringing the pain with the steel chair but it’s not enough! Brock is 100%! Reigns is not!

Brock brought the suplexes, steel chairs and steel steps! Nah f**k that –

F5 on the STEEL STEPS – BLAOW!!!! This cannot be your usual wrestling match at WrestleMania surely???

Oh my days! More ruckus ahead! John Cena Vs Kane – NO DQ! Oh boy…

That’s f**ked up – Does Mickie James NOT come out to her cheesy music anymore?

Triple Teef and Stephanie really think all this training they’re doing is gonna help them defeat Ronda Rousey at the big WrestleMania? Take Kurt out of the equation! Watch this – they can’t handle Ronda – Stephanie gonna send for the hammer!

“We are gonna humble Ronda Rousey, the way we have humbled every other superstar…”

Yeah – BY USING THE HAMMER!!!!

Cedric Alexander Vs Mustafa Ali for the cruiserweight championship at the big BIG WrestleMania! Backing Cedric… that is all!

Wait a second – did Miz TV feature Seth Rollins & Finn Balor a few weeks ago?

Oh dear The Miz is bex with the Miztourage! If I was Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel I would have rushed The Miz and beat out his blodclart!

Oh no! Seth speaks the truth! He got the crowd chanting Miztourage! Miztourage has been saving The Miz’s clart for the longest!

Miz telling more lies! He would still be intercontinental Champion!

Is Bo Dallas finally growing a set of balls? “You are a phony A-Lister who cannot fight!”

The Miz has TRULY DONE IT NOW!He just said he’s a better champion than Mr Perfect! DISRESPECT!!!!

OH NO! The Miz played Rollins & Balor! The Miztourage just used all that anger and turmed it into motivation!

Jamie Frost? She’s kinda hot still! Too bad she wasn’t ready for that Asuka Strong style Kung Fu! ONE KICK – BLAOW!!!

You really think Matt Hardy can delete a quarter of the roster in that Andre The Giant Battle Royal??? He can’t use lawnmowers, drones, none of that sh!t!

Er what? Sasha and Bayley in the women’s battle royal! You see – once again you wrestling fans never listen to the superior intellect of the Infamous Informer – they are not in a singles match like you said they would be… I told you – the card is NOT BIG ENOUGH! But again what do I know… I’m not Dave Meltzer, I’m not the 434, I’m not even Kayfabe News! Yep, I’m just the Infamous Informer…

Technically shall we back Sheamus so that we can find out who Braun Strowman’s tag team partner is gonna be? That’s all Sheamus has to do – beat Braun! Look – we’re not gonna find out til big BIG WrestleMania… it will either be mark out moment or complain on the internet moment…

I know – why don’t you guys search your beloved dirt sheets? Tweet Dave! I’m sure he’ll tell ya…. WOLLIES!

GRANT BODY-P!

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Baddest woman on the planet… badder than my moms???? I DON’T THINK SO! Ronda Rousey might be badd in bed??!!!!!

Rousey might be ready… but is Kurt??!!!! He better be!

Ronda looks like she hasn’t had any sleep! Is she ready for this WWE schedule though? Oh no – what’s that ugly Paige doing out here?

Oh Ronda – break that ugly b!tch’s arm! I don’t care if she’s injured!

Ronda Rousey got a mean Sean Price punch of her own! Sonya Deville felt that – P!!!

She gonna break Mandy Rose arm!!! And a lot of guys hearts in the process!!! Good thing Kurt jumped in there!!!!

Hmmmm.. this match is the main event… ok I’m nervous… it’s no DQ… is Cena gonna go off the rails and beat down Kane? Are the lights gonna go out and Kane disappears and what’s left are the gloves, hat and coat in the middle of the ring? That would be OFF THE HOOK!

The crowd is chanting for the Don of Dons!!! Oh man I have a very crazy feeling about this!!!

Cena sat up like The Undertaker!!! DISRESPECT! It’s bad enough when Brock did it…

WHAAAAT! Cena with a Chokeslam to Kane!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! You might as well send for the casket Cena! You might as well start riding motorbikes! Trade in Machine Gun Kelly for Limp Biskit!

GRANT BODY-P!

That’s what you get for disrespect – thrown through the table!!!

Cena dropped the AA on Kane through the table!!!! The Internet will not like this!!!

I think frustration is setting in for Cena! Maybe this IS the mind game Undertaker is playing – just not answer Cena at all and get him rattled!

Seems like it’s working! Still no Undertaker! Cena tryna put the don of dons on a guilt trip! that if he doesn’t show up next week, he’s let us all down! All the chanting, all the admiration… hey, sounds like somebody else don’t you think folks????

 

Monday Night Raw #1295, March 19, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Word on the street is they have inducted my dude Mark Henry into the Hall of Fame. At time of this part of the blog, it’s not confirmed but dirt sheets have reported it. Usually I say #DirtSheetsAreSATAN because they spoil sh!t and lowers your excitement upon watching this wrestling sh!t. No one wants to be surprised anymore it seems, then complaining on the internet follows…but on this occasion, I wear my Mark Henry shirt. Even if it’s not true!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1295! Are you happy now? They changed the name of the bumbaclart match. Now sit down and SHUDDUP!

Before I continue talking sh!t, I got something for you Roman haters…. while he’s ‘suspended’, there he is on Hot 97 in his full suit promoting the big BIG WrestleMania! Ladies are getting wet in their panties right now! A handsome man in a suit????

That’s why my real life woman gets nervous when I don the Infamous Purple Suit…

GRANT BODY-P!

Wait a minute  Roman Reigns not supposed to be here???!!!! Yo I’m keeping out of this!

They sent US Marshalls after Double R? This should be good!

You mean to tell me three strapping US Marshalls cannot manage Double R?! Now Brock is here! HERE COMES THE PAIN!!! Oh no Roman is F**ked now!

The haters are loving this surely! Suplex City and chair shots to a handcuffed Roman! It must be their grandest day! JR would have lost sh!t by now!

I hear a few haters in Dallas Texas chanting ‘YOU DESERVE IT’ to Double R, obviously the rest of Dallas Texas are not playing that sh!t! Y’all haters are bloodthirsty muthaf***az! Are you gonna get on top of your rubber robot dolls too?

GRANT BODY-P!

I am hungry as a muthaf***a! let me see what I can find in the kitchen…

I know Michael Cole did not just say that’s the most horrific attack he’s ever seen… Er… Braun you have been insulted!!!!

Alexa Bliss faces Asuka… do you think Nia Jax will lead by example and bring the pain on Alexa?

Awwwww Alexa is sorry…. f**kouttahere!!!

Oh no! Alexa is going IN!!! This is the woman you guys love off? SHE HAS NO MANNERS!!!

“I uuuuuuused Nia…”

…and look at Mickie James like a silly fool laughing along – didn’t Mickie get dissed by Alexa for being old??? WHAT IS THIS?

mickie alexa

MEME COURTESY OF MIKE MOELLER

Gotta say Mickie James though… f**k me!!! OWWWWWWWW!!! Mickie looks like that chick who’s gardening you just took care of but she has no money to pay you…

GRANT BODY-P!

Sh!t I had to take an important call… now I gotta catch up on half this sh!t!

(after catching up) I don’t know where Alexa is going with her brukk leg – Nia Jax music hits! It’s not quite ‘I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU’ but it will do!

Nia nearly ketch her but Mickie James was there to cause a distraction! Good GAWD ALMIGHTY Mickie! Damn I need to inject some hip hop in that pu$$@y!!!!

THAT IS ENOUGH!

Oh no! Braun believes he can win the tag titles by himself! This is not gonna go down well with the tag team traditionalists! To that THE GRANT SAYS THIS: NXT. Dusty Rhodes Classic. That is for YOU!

I know Cesaro didn’t just say as a team – they eat together, drink together, and sleep together!!!! If that’s the case – Bobby Roode is one of the luckiest muthaf***az right now!

Roode put it in Charlotte

GRANT BODY-P!

So the Revival have to send for the booby prize – The Andre The Giant Battle Royal… haha what b!tches!

I cannot lie – out of everyone inducted this year – Mark Henry being inducted in the Hall Of Fame brought me joy. That’s three out of the main 5 guys of the Nation of Domination now inducted… now THAT’S A GUY you muthaf***az in Dallas Texas should chant ‘YOUGRANT BENT ON DESTRUCTION DESERVE IT’ to!

Damn it Sasha get it over with and KILLLLL Bayley!!!

Wait! Before you do… take care of Absolution first!

Mandy Rose is sexy as f**k but if she is ‘God’s createst creation’, you are insulting Naomi, Roselyn Sanchez, Gal Gadot, Tiffany Haddish, and any of the 25 women Mike Knoxxx chooses on his show!

GRANT BODY-P!

Look here – it’s Mr Trouble – yes he with the fruity pebble shirts!

“As long as there is a WWE, the name UNDERTAKER has meaning!!”

I swear if John Cena doesn’t get you hype for a match you initially didn’t want to see, guess what – YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!

Wait – isn’t Dallas Texas, Undertaker’s real life home town?

According to Cena, it’s DISRESPECTFUL that Undertaker hasn’t given us an answer to Cena’s challenge! Yo I’m keeping out of this one!

“The Undertaker is a COWARD!!!”

This is the part where I’m moving over here awkwardly?!!!!

IT’S KANE!!!!! Er… uh-oh!!!!! Last time Kane and Cena clashed, Zack Ryder ended up with a neck brace and Eve retreated as far as Brazil to find her husband!

GRANT BODY-P!

Is it a yes, or is it a no?? CHOKESLAM!!!! CHOKESLAM!!! BLAOW!!!! Not exactly the question you was looking for was it Cena????

Oh no The Miz demands respect! Oh well it ain’t gonna start today!

The Miz doesn’t get a look in the WrestleMania magazine! Whose fault is that???

I know The Miz did not just call Seth Rollins and Finn Balor by their Indy names!!!! I bet that got the internet fans masturbating hard!!!!

SWEET!!! The Miztourage was gonna do the Shield supermove on Finn Balor when Seth Rollins thought – HELL 2 THE NAW – ran down, took out the Miztourage and set up The Miz – Curb Stomp – BLAOW!

The Ultimate Deletion… I expect this to be so awful that it’s jokes!

Wyatt is actually looking forward to this!!!

Wait – Wyatt has a housewarming gift? A steel chair?

You mean Matt Hardy got money for cheap pyro tricks but WWE hasn’t? What world are we living in?

Flashbacks of the Wyatt home what Randall burned to the ground??!!!! Are you complaining on the internet yet

I don’t know about you but I prefer this than the first deletion match in the TNA joint!

The question remains – does this match find its way into WWE2K19?????

GRANT BODY-P!

OH SNAP! Senor Benjamin! Brother Nero! Their sudden appearance enabled Matt to DELETE Wyatt! He threw him in the drink!!! I can’t lie I was entertained! If you are complaining on the internet, just remember one thing – IT WAS YOU who wanted Broken Matt Hardy in the WWE!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1294, March 12, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I wanna take this time to big up the newest Facebook wrestling group I am in: The CHAIRSHOT. They are supporting me and the BDSIR NETWORK. I sincerely hope they appreciate the style of blogs I do – This ain’t your usual review blog. I give my thoughts from a Jamaican man’s point of view (which means I don’t take this wrestling sh!t seriously, I use a lot of Hip Hop references, and my aim is to make you laugh. I was born in England of Jamaican descent.) Don’t expect me to talk technicalities in wrestling!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1294! JUST LIKE D12, IT’S FIGHT MUSIC!!!

Ok, I got 2 Chicago pizzas in the oven, a Miranda orange drink, and that marvellous Jamaica ginger cake for later… I got a feeling RAW is gonna be a good one!

Right – I’ve missed the first 20 minutes of this sh!t because of the wack streams. I heard Roman Reigns voice but that’s about it… I bet that doesn’t bother the haters!

Sonya Deville fine @$$ fighting Sasha Banks sexy @$$… I won’t put my pizzas on yet…

Now this Kid Rock guy… I heard he’s not down with the brothers… if that is true then THE GRANT SAYS F**k you Kid Rock! However, he did one thing that I can respect – that is – provide that American Bad Ass tune for The Undertaker when he returned in 2000. All that Judgment Day is now business? It was such a feel good moment after Triple Teef and his crew were beating down The Rock every week…

ARE YOU SCARED? HE’S HERE! HIS JUDGMENT DAY IS NOW!!! THAT IS SOME GOOSEBUMP SH!T! THE MCMAHON HELMSLEY FACTION GOT F**KED UP! AAAH GOOD TIMES!

I am so f**ked off with this stream – I gotta catch up on YouTube in the morning.

…and so I wake up and find that rapper Craig Mack has passed away…muthaf***a!

Can we get a 10 bell salute to Craig Mack?

We gotta keep it moving y’all, so I’m on the YouTube… and I click on the Sonya Deville Vs Sasha Banks match, and straight away there is a warning about its content… er… does one of them lose their top or something? Do we accidentally see Sasha’s pum-pum when her leg is hooked for the three??

LET’S GO IN!!!

All I saw was Bayley helping Sasha win her match against Sonya because Absolution was gonna teef, then after the match they rushed Sasha, by which time Bayley already left the building! The plot thickens!

I didn’t see anything offensive… DID YOU?

YES! The Fabulous Moolah Battle Royal! It’s funny how we were talking about this on the JAMMS Podcast and what Fabulous Moolah has done, good and bad,  hey none of us are perfect… my early pick to win? CARMELLA. F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S… get it? Nah? ok let;s keep it moving…

The Miz trying to work brain as usual to turn Seth Rollins and Finn Balor against each other… I’m just waiting for both of them to get up and kick down The Miz in his mouth corner!

Seth told him to shut up on his own show! Can he do that?

Uh-oh! Seth & Finn look like they are gonna go at it! Look at The Miz’s face! He’s loving this!!! I’ve never seen him look so happy ever since he put it in Maryse!

GRANT BODY-P!

OH NO THEY CLOCKED HIM! SMILE GONE!!!!

Miz tried to run but he got ketch! Finn Balor box him down! But forgotten for a split second Seth Rollins is still there!

So Seth is all about Burning It Down and flames on his attire. Do you think my hero Kane taught him how to set things on fire by just using his hands?

So Alexa Blitch believes that Asuka chose Charlotte because she knew she would ‘lose’ her? CALLING MY NXT EXPERTS! Did Asuka & Alexa clash back at Full Sail University??? Answers on a postcard please! TWEET ME @MZATheInfamous!

I don’t like how this Alexa Blitch is talking to Asuka!

WRESTLING FANS ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE – EXHIBIT A! we don’t need to go to NXT! Go back to Jan 1, 2018!!!!

Technically Asuka is eligible for a title shot against Alexa! Asuka could make history, beat Alexa, go to Smackdowns, beat Charlotte at WrestleMania and hold two titles at once! But of course WWE is not gonna clock on to that sh!t!

“To be the woman, you gotta BEAT THE WOMAN”!

Translation… Alexa is NO WOMAN. She is just a LITTLE B!TCH! And Charlotte is ALL WOMAN let me tell ya!

GRANT BODY-P!

Asuka speaks the truth! “I beat you before! I beat you AGAIN!” There’s the evidence up there!

If I was Asuka I’d just kick down Alexa word up!

Mickie James went in against Asuka, but she missed the Mick Kick – got caught with the Asuka Lock – TAP OUT!!! Mickie was crying for Alexa as if Alexa was her moms!!!

Alexa Bliss bex! So what does she do? disrespect Nia Jax… and WWE go and feed some funny looking out of shape jobber to get killed!

OH NO! Someone is on that GTV sh!t! Alexa and Mickie running down Nia! DISRESPECT!

Next week Asuka faces Alexa! But watch this – either that match is not gonna happen, or Nia is gonna jump in and Alexa gonna get F**KED UP!!! If I was Alexa b!tch @$$ I wouldn’t attempt to come to work next week!

Tag Team Battle Royal winner fights The Bar at the WrestleMania!

Wait a minute! BRAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! He can’t enter this? (Then again maybe he can – he has the strength of 10 men and a tag team consists of 2…saying that Braun is a ONE MAN FACTION!!!)

It cracks me up every single time when Braun runs after his opponent! It’s the scariest run ever since the T-1000!

t-1000-running-o

If they cast Braun as the next Terminator – I’m sorry – Arnie would have NO CHANCE! John Connor would be FINISHED! And Alexa Bliss would play as Sarah Connor!

GRANT BODY-P!

Oh sheeeeeeeeeeet! Braun just blatantly told Anderson – “I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!” and dashed him out the ring! He’s the #1 contender for the championship! LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN! Oh wait… you guys like Braun though!!!

WHOA! NEXT WEEK we are gonna see the Ultimate Deletion! NOT WrestleMania! Sounds good to me! Y’all loved the Final Deletion on TNA – I checked it out myself recently… you guys were right – it was so awful that it was entertaining. So don’t complain on the internet saying it’s wack – I EXPECT IT TO BE WACK!

“You have a beautiful family… it would be a shame if something happened to them…” OH MY GOD!!! Wyatt wants to kill little Maxel! he wants to put it n that Reby Sky or whatever her name is! (Yo she is KRISS!!!!) Let’s throw up a picture of her for NO REASON!

Reby Sky

Ok as you have noticed this sh!t is in a different order… let’s get into the nitty-gritty!

Brock is not in the building!!!! UH-OH!!!! LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN! The WWE Universal Champion must in stitches with Sable!

Double R speaks the truth! If you don’t show up to work? You get FIRED! Back to the Jobcentre! Watching Jeremy Kyle on a weekday followed by Supermarket Sweep!

GRANT BODY-P!

Uh-Oh Roman Reigns is calling out Vincent Kennedy! Aaah sheeeeet it’s gonna be pandemonium on the internet!

Good lord! The cameras followed Double R through the gorilla position to the backstage where Vincent Kennedy & Shane are! Shane can’t be there??? This is not Smackdowns?

“GO TO THE COMMERCIAL!!!!”

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Clearly this scene with sexy @$$ Renee Young outside Vincent Kennedy’s office and Roman storming out while Vince ‘seemingly fixing his suit’ is ammunition for the internet who believe Vince & Roman have sexual relations… oh man how awkward is this… Yo WWE – you’re not doing any favors here!

With that said – this is straight WrestleMania quality building! Vince guarantees Brock will be here next week! Here’s the twist! Double R is suspended for a hot minute!

Translation – They are keeping Brock and Roman away from each other until the go home show when they can get their ruckus on! DO THE KNOWLEDGE JABRONIES!

Finally Jonathan Cena… I’m sorry to say this Nikki – you are DEFINETLEY NOT GET MARRIED… you gonna be a widow… you gonna be like Hilary Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air… Cena might as well do a bungee jump and his head hit the concrete floor. The way he talked about The Undertaker… NO ONE HAS GONE THERE. Not the Rock, Not CM Punk, Not even Stone Cold Steve Austin… even when Shawn Michaels kicked the 16-1 headstone, this was nothing compared to Cena’s Grown Thuganomics…

 

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Monday Night Raw #1293, March 5, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I hope you die-hard wrestling fans hate me, that’s ok, because I hate you right back!

This is what I don’t understand, you see 30 second squash matches on RAW every other week, hell – Sheamus defeated Danny Bryan in 18 seconds at WrestleMania 28 for crying out loud. And yet, you muthaf***az are complaining on the internet over something that happened at a HOUSE SHOW, which you never witnessed live (unless you were in the building of course) you never PAID FOR IT, and above all else, you UK FANS were SNOWED IN! You weren’t moving anywhere! With that said…

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Oh wait, I do understand… it was in Chicago, the place where they worship some guy who doesn’t give a f**k about them…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1293! What’s this I hear about a 50-man Royal Rumble????? Saudi Arabia be making major moves star!

Greatest Royal Rumble

I got cookies, a cup of soup, and a Jamaica Ginger Cake with custard for later! LET’S DO THIS SH!T KURK!

KURT IS CALLING TRIPLE TEEF OUT! HE’S BACKED OFF HIS JACKET TOO!

Wait a minute – Kurt stripping off clothes and Stephanie comes out here? We know you want Kurt to f**k you one more time!

GRANT BODY-P!

Listen to Stephanie wukkin brain! Know Your Role Kurt! Make matches Kurt! Use your head Kurt!

Ronda Rousey is all smiles! She must have had sex earlier!

GRANT THAT IS ENOUGH!

Hold on – Ronda said her debut match at WrestleMania -she can choose anyone she wanted! Er… Stephanie??

Wait a minute – I thought Triple wasn’t here yet!

Oh no! Turns out Stephanie has a second contract as a WWE Superstar! Same with Triple H! Kurt is doing his job – he’s making the matches!!!

There it is! Triple & Stephanie Vs Kurt & Ronda Rousey at the big BIG WrestleMania! (yes we already knew that because we read the dirt sheets) But the way they dropped it – I was marking the f**k out! Kurt got Triple in the ankle lock, Stephanie tried to teef but Rousey caught her with the Samoan Drop! HOLY SMOKES!

F**k that – I’m ready for the Big BIG WrestleMania! JUST LIKE THAT!

Now Asuka is here! GOD DAYUUUUUM SHE FINE!

Mike Cole promoting Ninja Warrior? PAY MAKOTO NAGANO HIS MONEY!

Makoo Nagano

Oh lawd Nia Jax is killing Asuka! SHE WANTS TO KILL!!!! But Asuka got the Triangle chokehold! She won’t let go! It’s locked in for the longest! Nia tried to fight out but Asuka transitioned into an arm bar!!!! SHE’S GONNA BREAK THE ARM! Nia had to tap out! If I was Asuka – I would run for the hills! Alexa Bliss looks like urine gonna leave her vagina and go down her leg!

GRANT BODY-P!

You gotta be kidding me! The almighty Nia Jax CRYING? What is this?!!!! Where are you Shadfather – console this woman!

Shout out to the cute girl who works at Iceland ‘Natalie’ I think her name is – can’t remember – I did my shopping today, I saw the 3 for £2 offer on the cookies, now normally the cashier is like ‘Do you have an Iceland Card?’ Or ‘would you like a bag?’ Not this chick… I know it’s all about service with a smile but she’s like ‘enjoy your cookies!’ Aaah bless her… if I was single…

GRANT BODY-P!

I honestly thought The Revival would be next in line for the titles and go to big BIG WrestleMania… wow.. you NXT guys are allowed to complain on the internet…

I know John Cena is a free agent… but I think he’s taking the p!$$ coming on RAW to explain his WrestleMania plans… you’re fighting on Smackdown homie!

Yes crowd – boo this man! He doesn’t need to be on RAW!!!!

Ok he suggests I listen…

Uh-oh – he’s out to break Ric Flair’s title reigns… I don’t think Ric Flair cares… you saw him in that 21 Savage video!

John Cena wants that Triple Threat match! He wants to Shatter the dreams of die-hard wrestling fans who want AJ Styles Vs Strong Style!

Talking of Shattered Dreams… I don’t understand why Goldust  is out here! Very random…

John Cena looks as confused as us! So confused that he went down after Goldust boxed him!

Careful John – Goldust might have Victoria Secret underneath that outfit!

GRANT BODY-P!

Why did Goldust even bother… he was so much more entertaining when he had the hots for Rowdy Roddy Piper…

Elias speaks the truth! Music brings us together, not tear us apart!

Elias vs Braun in a Symphony of Destruction match! Well as long as RZA’s 36 Chambers studios are not involved… that goes for 9th Wonder’s Jamla studios…

Congratulations to Hillbilly Jim hitting the Hall of fame… he doesn’t mean a damn thing to me but there you go…

Corey Graves just called Mandy Rose – God’s Greatest Creation… There is no doubt – Mandy Rose is hot…but I believe God created something even greater…

tiffany haddish

Meet Tiffany Haddish guys… star of the film ‘Girl Trip’ – she is sexy as f**k and she is funny as hell. LOOK AT THAT… OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

What’s wrong with you Bayley? Sasha saved your clart! You refuse her hug? Oh well come hug me Sasha god dayuuuuum!!!

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Elias can play every instrument! If hat is so, why hasn’t Ghostface Killah approached Elias for beats?!!!

Elias tried to get away in the car! But the car wouldn’t move!!!

I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys I just got an important message on Facebook… it’s the President of The Wu Worldwide DJ Coalition. I gotta take this call…

Holy smokes! Elias is probably DEAD BY NOW! Braun lick him down with the cello, then he dropped the piano on him! OH SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BRAUN CHISELED YOUR TOMBSTONE! SLEEP WELL!!!!

If you are a gamer, you haven’t lived until you have played Fatal Fury 2… I mean, the last boss fights you in front of a live orchestra… that’s f**ked up!

Now Bray Wyatt just beat Rhyno in roughly 30 seconds… go on – COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET NOW!!!!

Bray Wyatt just mentioned ‘Final Deletion’!

The Hardy Compound??? WHOA! ULTIMATE DELETION!!! I knew it had to go that route! YES!!!

“GET OUT? Get Out is what Kurt Angle should do with Monday Night Raw…” Miz is outta order for that!

He says Kurt is sucking up to Ronda Rousey… I don’t know about you but I would ‘suck’ up to Ronda Rousey…

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that idea! The Miztourage Vs Seth Rollins & Finn Balor? LET’S GO! I wanna see the Miz get BUSS ARSE AGAIN after talking sh!t!

THERE IT IS! TRIPLE THREAT MATCH! Miz Vs Seth Rollins Vs Finn Balor at the big BIG WrestleMania… see I’m supposed to get excited but again – you guys read the dirt sheets and spoiled everything!

Paul Heyman is here with the WWE Universal Championship in his hands!

Wait a minute – he says Brock Lesnar will soon hold BOTH the Universal Title AND the UFC Heavyweight Title? He can’t do that surely?!

Paul Heyman just called the Universal Title ‘Brock’s B!tch?’ Does that mean Brock is cheating on Sable???

Heyman says Double R cannot shoot from the hip against him or Brock! He’s likely to be right!! But Double R is here anyway!

Told Heyman straight – that next week in Detroit, just like D12… it’s FIGHT MUSIC!!!

STC 2018 logo3

Monday Night Raw #1292, February 26, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

‘Michael Grant is NOT a CM Punk fan, nor is he an Alexa Bliss fan, and he likes Roman Reigns.. so therefore Michael Grant, this so-called Infamous Informer, Grant P Body Rock or whatever he calls himself, doesn’t know SH!T about wrestling like we do. Why should we listen to him? Why should we read his blogs? Yeah he posts pictures of women and I just hit like. Apart from that, I don’t give a f**k about his blogs…he thinks he’s some big shot because he’s thinks he working with Wu-Tang Clan.. and got his radio shows that no one listens to… you know what – f**k Michael, f**k his blogs, and f**k Naomi… she’s not even all that…just because she got a big @$$… now Alexa Bliss… that’s what you call an @$$…’

ronda-rousey-636x397

…and yet somehow I predicted everything about the Elimination Chamber correctly… including Ronda Rousey’s WrestleMania opponent – you fools said it would be Charlotte…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1292! It’s WrestleMania season! I got no time for grumpy muthaf***az!

As much as I can’t stand her, I can’t even say Alexa is talking sh!t – she is speaking the truth! She DID smash it at the Chamber!

Nia Jax is on Asuka like – ‘I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!!’

Mickie James must have quietly turned heel or something… there you are IWC – another notch under your belt – you like people to turn heel don’t you?

GRANT BODY-P!

HOLY SMOKES! In the 6 person tag contest, Sasha was going for the tag, but Bayley left the apron!!! UH-OH!!!!

BEST FRIENDS BECOME STRANGERS?

It’s obviously a personal thing because Bayley is still active in this contest…and helps Asuka win the match… it’s just a qualm against Sasha… oh dear Sasha you shouldn’t have kicked her down like that at the Chamber!

John Cena says he has figured it out!!!! he must have been doing some serious sleeping… or serious sleeping with Nikki to figure it out!

GRANT BODY-P!

Wait a second – John!!! You wanna challenge who??? Think about this – you’re getting married aren’t you??? Don’t summon the dead – he’s gonna put you in a box!

SWITCH!!!! “That match is NOT HAPPENING!” Oh my god he came to his senses quick!

“That match is impossible…” I thought you were about making the impossible – POSSIBLE John? I mean, Nikki thought it was IMPOSSIBLE that she would get married to you!

He’s gonna go to Smackdowns!! It is the land of opportunity! Y’all know I’m 50/50 on this, but I’m just throwing it out there – John Cena Vs Undertaker was a Smackdown thing back in the day!

Why do the commentators act like what Bray’s doing (that upside down spider sh!t) they haven’t seen it before?

Remind me to research this ‘FINAL DELETION’ thing which made Broken Matt Hardy so famous!

Oh no! The Miz is going for longest running (accumulative days) Intercontinental Champion of all time! Somebody stop him!!!

“Those booing you will be watching it (Miz & Mizzus) anyway so I don’t care…” While The Miz may have a point about the haters I know one person who WILL NOT be watching it – ME!!!

Miz has no merchandise! I wonder why??! Because NO ONE WANTS TO BUY THAT SH!T!

“I should be going to the main event of WrestleMania…” Er Miz… in order to do that, you have to either:

A – win the Royal Rumble

B – win the Elimination Chamber

C – already be the World Wrestling Federation Champion

You are NONE OF THOSE THINGS! So with that said  –

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Don’t take off your dark glasses giving me that mean grill – YOU’RE A PU$$Y!

Oh dear! He’s really upset isn’t he! Somebody give this muthaf***a a kleenex!

he-gon-cry-in-the-car-o

HOLY SMOKES! The Miz was three-quarters away and Seth Rollins hit the frog splash off the top ropes!!! 1, 2 and…3!!!

Let me get this right so I can understand this – last week, Seth Rollins went over an hour and smashed it, but The Miz doesn’t wanna fight two guys one after the other in Rollins and Balor? If there was ever a B!TCH OF THE WEEK – it’s THE MIZ!

OH SNAP – THE BALOR CLUB COMING THROUGH!!! WROOOOOOOOOY!!!

KURT ANGLE SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN! The Miz cannot get out of it!!! He still gotta fight Finn Balor!

Finn Balor beat The Miz too! Yo Kurt – Triple Threat this muthaf***a!

The question remains – what becomes of Braun Strowman??? Let’s go find out!

Elias may have to think about a face turn later this year… could be sooner rather than later because the crowd are actually WALKING WITH ELIAS!

“Every word uttered from Corey Graves stupid face is noise pollution!” Elias can’t say that??!!! Corey Graves is GREAT! he can’t do a thing wrong, not after that stunt he and Booker-T pulled!

The crowd roar ‘BRAAAAAAUUUUUUUUNNN!!’ as well!! HOLY SMOKES! Y’all talk about WWE not making stars…. do you know how stupid you sound right now?

See this is what you wanted right? (I’m talking to STC’s Henry Lofts… who hated the idea of the gauntlet match in the group last week…) Elias Vs Braun!

Elias TEEEEEF! You got the fire extinguisher and use it against Braun because you can’t manage him! Gonna be interesting where this goes…

Elias tek foot and run! But he actually got away like Naomi got away from me!

“ELIAS! I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!!”

Meanwhile the limo pulls up…uh oh!!! You think it’s Vincent Kennedy?

2/3 FALLS jump off for The Bar Vs Titus Worldwide! I LIKE THIS! Shame WWE edited it down to just under 4 minutes on YouTube…

…and maybe I know why! Not even 10 seconds in and Titus loses the first fall… for goodness sakes!

Apollo Cre – Oh I’m not supposed to address him by that now am I? Er anyway he put up a better fight but The Bar got em… KMT!

The Bar are on it like – we have beaten everybody! Who are we gonna fight at WrestleMania? May I have a suggestion? The Revival? The Balor Club????

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

So this is Vincent Kennedy’s newest plan to get Double R over with you guys… by having Double R come out and talk the truth about Brock Lesnar hiding behind his contract… it seems to be working!

WHOA! Double R is going IN!!!! (Oh yeah I forgot – he hasn’t got good mic skills has he?)

GRANT BODY-P!

Holy smokes Double R is saying what the internet has been saying! I LIKE THIS! because it means the internet can’t say sh!t!

“I don’t respect Brock Lesnar, and I sure as hell don’t fear that b!tch!”

You made that obvious last time Roman! WrestleMania 31, you were laughing at his suplexes!!!

Ooooh Stephanie loves that doesn’t she? ‘WWE OWNS Ronda Rousey’! WWE loves that 1555 mentality (if you know what I’m talking about!)

WROOOOOOOOY LOOK AT RONDA ROUSEY! WALKING DOWN THE RAMP LIKE SHE’S IN THE YOU-EFF-CEE!

“You need to work within the system…” Such familiar words… last time I heard those words, a certain chairman was looking at the lights shaking like he had a fit after getting a STONE COLD STUNNER!

WHOA! I thought Kurt was all about his three I’s!!! I can;t believe he lied!!! Oh man… I;m so upset… damn!!!

Uh-oh! NO ONE SLAPS RONDA ROUSEY AND LIVES!!! (unless your name is Holly Holm that is but er anyway – ) Stephanie must apologise to Ronda! WHOA! No way is Steph gonna do that surely!

WHAT?! WHOA! I guess there is a first time for everything! maybe The Undertaker WILL wrestle again! Maybe CM Punk WILL come back! Stephanie just apologised! Do you think she will KOW-TOW too?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!! HE BOXED DOWN KURT ANGLE! NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!

BRAVO WWE! YOU ENTERTAINED ME THIS WEEK! 4/5 HBK WWE TITLE REIGNS (1997/1998)

STC 2018 logo3

Monday Night Raw #1291, February 19, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

WE want the brand extension!

WE want fewer pay per views!

WE want Cesaro to be champion!

Combined WWE PPV

Too bad you can’t have it all eh?

GRANT BODY-P!

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Screenshot-2018-2-19 Dana Brooke WWE ( DanaBrookeWWE) Twitter

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RAW 1291! Chamber Music, F**k!n the party up!

I don’t know about you but this Hardy Vs Wyatt thing – it needs a little extra something… yes they have clashed, yes they have both chatted sh!t… it needs to go to that next level for me to be re-invested… whatever Matt was doing in the TNA joint – bring that sh!t here and make it 10x better!

“What is so special about Ronda Rousey is – she’s an attraction…” In more ways than one eh Charlotte?!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaah sheeeeeeet they showing footage of Ronda practicing her wrestling moves! UH-OH!!! This ain’t no Eva Marie folks!

Black Panther fever hits Titus Worldwide! Even Dana Brooke is doing it – (not properly she got a clipboard in her hand) But if they lose to the Bar, they will bring disgrace to Wakanda!!!

Titus Panther

YES!!!! WAKANDA FOREVER!!!! Apollo Crews was like – I AM T’CHALLA! SON OF T’CHAKA!!! Dana Brooke must have gave them some of that Vagin—- er I mean Vibranium! (still doesn’t sound right does it?)

Come on Nia you’re dealing with Asuka here! Asuka knows the way of the ninja and stealth attacks – YOU DON’T!

Mike Cole is talking about ‘friends’ and alliances that may occur in the Chamber… it’s still every woman for herself Cole! And it looks like Dana Brooke could well be dissed for real! I would say to Dana – walk out the joint – but maybe… she and Titus Worldwide should try Smackdown first before doing that…

elimination-chamber-2018-660x330

HOLY SMOKES!!! Seth Rollins has done a ‘Chris Jericho’! By that I mean he beat the two top guys in the same night! In this case Double R & John Cena! Oh man! The IWC must be reaching fever pitch!!!

What a performance by Seth Rollins! Dude has lasted over an hour in the gauntlet match thus far! But there was no way he could outlast three guys, with two of them being Double R & Cena… Elias COME CROSS!

Next opponent – Finn Balor… and true say Elias was still mash up with his ribs, one coup de grace on them and it’s curtains for the man with the guitar!

Typical Miz has to be so dyam teef! Double R, Seth, Elias, and Balor use real skills – Not the Miz… he has to brfing his pu$$yclaat friends with him and attack Balor from behind…

…but if I was Balor, I’d let The Miz beat me and let me see the lights for the three because the winner has to fight…….BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!

“If you excuse me Charly, I have some unfinished business to attend to…” The Miztourage heard Braun say that and they was like – OH SH!T! we gotta leave the ring NOW!!!

Miz tried to get away, but Braun ketch him!!! The Grant Says – If Braun was in the police force, there is NO WAY you are out running him!

Running powerslam into the canvas – BLAOW!!!!

Chamber music, f**k!n the party up! That’s what Braun does!!!

 

 

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Monday Night Raw #1290, February 12, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

THESE GUYS NEED AN AWARD!!!

We all bought it! We all bought it – HOOK LINE & SINKER!!!! We all bought it! Even our wrestling journalist experts bought it! Every damn one of us were made FOOLS OF!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1290! I hope it doesn’t bore me like last week! GIVE ME SOME JOKE!!! 

WHOA!!!! John Cena haters – don’t hang up your keyboards of mass destruction just yet – dude just said he’s going to big BIG WrestleMania! and if he fails… then he doesn’t have a road to WrestleMania! Y’all better hope and pray Elias wins then eh?

Wait a second – The Miz believes he can win! Hey I’m all for The Miz winning the chamber! Imagine that! Talk about fantasy and reality!!!!!

Yo Miz, from one Mike to another Mike… you DO NOT wanna face Brock! You’re going to be a FATHER…remember??!!! And last time I checked, Brock doesn’t give a sh!t about your kids!

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that idea! Make it happen Kurt! Miz Vs Cena – loser enters the chamber FIRST!!! In which case I’m backing Cena to win so that The Miz goes in first! See how fickle I am? I’m Blade dutty bwoyjust like you fools! Actually no…. to quote Blade… ‘I’M SOMETHING ELSE!!!’

Only ONE MAN has survived the Avalanche AA or the Super AA or whatever that blasted move is called and that’s AJ Styles! No way is The Miz gonna survive surely?

BLAOW!!!! 1, 2 and….. 3! The Miz b!tch @$$ gotta jump in the chamber FIRST! He will SUFFER!!! And John Cena is for the children… look at him signing autographs for the kids with special needs. You wanna hate THAT MAN for that? You’re more retarded than anybody else!

WHOA! I wasn’t even paying attention and Revival win their match against The Balding Club? I was sitting here wishing happy birthday to people on FB and I heard the 1, 2, 3 with Balding clubs shoulders to the mat looking at lights! Hahahahaha B!TCHES!

Yes Alexa I’m impressed with Mickie James too – she’s a mother and a WWE Superstar and she looks great… that is… until I come across THIS WOMAN… no she’s not a wrestler… but she’s a mother of FIVE. After two or three kids your body cannot recover again and you look like one of those guests from Jeremy Kyle but when you look like this… GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!!! (Edd don’t even attempt to research this one!!!)

Darci carpenter

Let’s just say she is a distant associate of mine as regards to my Journalistic Hip Hop career…moving on…

Goldberg eat your heart out! Asuka – 240-0!!! NO ONE CAN BEAT HER!!! Even the Undertaker is astonished!!! But let’s be real – you’re NOT gonna see Asuka at WrestleMania for 20+ years are you?

GRANT BODY-P!

THAT IS TRUE! Had Asuka NOT relinquished the NXT Championship, god knows how much longer she would have been champion! 523 days… CM Who? GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!

“Huge fan of Sonya Deville, she will have a great future here on Monday Night Raw…” 

Got that right Mr Greaves! She could GET IT!!!

Well so much for Sasha Vs Bayley at big BIG WrestleMania – we’re getting it now! (PAUSE)

BAYLEY WINS THE MATCH! Ok here’s the heel turn you know it alls have been waiting for!

SWITCH!!! Nia Jax attacks BOTH OF THEM!!! Ok go ahead, complain on the internet about how WWE dropped the ball again as you do!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

TODAY, I WALK WITH ELIAS!!!!! There is a first time for everything! Why wish for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come back when Elias has got it covered!

“Don’t worry Miz, those songs were not for you, they were written for MARYSE!!!”

Pregnant women don’t do it for me personally but ELIAS WANTS TO PUT IT IN!!!

WAIT – I CHANGED MY MIND!!! I’M WALKING WITH BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! Have you seen the size of that guitar? He even broke that! And he can sing in tune too!

“Well Elias says he’s gonna win, but we all know that ain’t true,

You look at me boy when I’m singing, because I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!

You may not notice, you may not realise,  when this song is over, you’re gonna GET THESE HANDS!”

PUT THIS ON iTUNES NOW!!!!!

Are you ready for Braun Strowman’s album to drop? If you don’t buy it you’re gonna get these hands!!! I’M DUN!!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!! Strowman lick down Elias with the dutty big guitar! BLAOW!!! That’s it – now throw him off the stage! NO? Oh well!!!

Let me take this time to congratulate Ivory on her Hall Of Fame induction! Yeah I know what you’re thinking… Chyna gets dissed again! Hey – you praise the evil Triple Teef for making NXT/WWE better, but you run him down for this… you can’t have everything!

WHOA!!! Jason Jordan forced to miss big BIG WrestleMania! HOLY SMOKES!!! The question remains – what does this mean for Seth Rollins? I think everything has changed now, JUST LIKE THAT!

Tell em Kurt! The fans should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES! Cheering that Jason Jordan won’t be there? What sort of people are you?

Er what? Seth doesn’t want to be apart of Monday Night Raw? Welcome to the A Show Seth! I’ve been waiting for you!

Oh maybe not! He still wants to be Universal Champion! Er… how is this gonna work?

Makes sense! I hope Seth wins the Fatal 5 Way joint! But if he does, what about Finn Balor? Er… oh dear!

Sorry Apollo! Sorry Wyatt, Sorry Matt Hardy… the Chamber needs to be DON! But I gotta say I’m glad Apollo is up in that match…

OH SNAP!!! Seth and Balor did a ‘Undertaker & Kane to Austin’! You don’t get it? Er does this mean anything to you?

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Monday Night Raw #1289, February 5, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Eagles Patriots Super Bowl Football

SMASHED IT.

I gotta give WWE props, I’m sure Stephanie and Triple Teef were supporting the New England Patriots… but if they turned around and gave the Philadelphia Eagles a WWE Championship belt for their Superbowl win  – PROPS. Steph and Triple WILL NOT complain on the internet…

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like The New England Patriots… Karma came back to b!te them in their candy @$$!

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RAW 1289! The Royal Rumble still trending on the twitter! UNHEARD OF!

Steph RawI don’t know what Bray Wyatt is laughing about – he’s fighting Double R to qualify in the Chamber…yeah he won last year… BUT THAT WAS LAST YEAR!

That’s it fools – pull out your iPhones that you break on a regular for this LOOOOOSER! You bloody sheep!

GRANT BODY-P!

Listen to the haters cheering for Bray,,,, I would be extremely shocked if Bray wins this. Matt Hardy is watching for goodness sakes!

Double R kicks out of an instant Sister Abigail… now you know the muthaf***a ain’t winning!

Just like that, with an emphatic spear… Double R wins… go on then – complain on the internet!

Finn Balor might be the most interesting cat on the roster. This dude is not in the chamber… so I wanna know where he goes next going forward.

Oh no these Revival idiots… I hope one of em gets injured again (Actually I take that back!)

Hahahahhahahahahah Revival you B!TCH!!! Finn Balor hitting the Coup De Grace – I see you wrestling purists complaining on the internet some more! Go on – let it all out!

Not even an hour in and RAW is challenging my interest – I still have a lifeline left – Jamaica ginger cake and custard….

Cruiserweight action… sigh… I’m gonna talk to my woman…

Ok – Mandy Rose – Sasha Banks – Bayley  – Sonya Deville – and Mickie James gonna test Alexa Bliss in the Chamber!

Even better – if Nia Jax can defeat Asuka…she can go to WrestleMania too! But hear the joke – Asuka hasn’t decided who she’s facing yet!

WHOA! Alexa just put Kurt Angle on BLAST! How come Brock doesn’t have to defend his title in the Chamber!!! She should be ‘Brock’s equal’ in terms of gender equality! Er Alexa… you might wanna check Brock’s contract! It’s NOT THE SAME AS YOURS!

Last time I check, Bayley got hurt crazy when she had her NXT match with Asuka… what makes her think she can beat Asuka now?

This is one of those RAW episodes where it is very wrestling driven… not much storyline build. Don’t be surprised if I find my bed halfway through.

So let’s do the knowledge – Kurt believes Asuka will fight Alexa at WM34. But Asuka nah say nuttin… Nia WON’T win her match against Asuka, but her performance will find her in the match at WrestleMania anyway. Sasha is likely to win to advance to WrestleMania thus, this will AT LEAST be a Triple Threat match.

Asuka made quicker work of Bayley than she did with Sasha I can say that much…

HOLD UP! The Miz Vs Apollo Crews – winner goes to the Chamber? COME ON APOLLO!!! This could be HUGE!

I am tired as a muthaf***a people… this wrestling sh!t is boring me… are you sure you guys want pure wrestling on your screen? I’m gonna eat this pudding, and then find my bed – I’ve been watching Nicole Snow and Sophia Lares on Edd’s favourite channels during this wrestling sh!t… word up!

God damnit… not even Black History month could save Apollo Crews… well at least we get to see The Miz get BUSS ARSE in the Chamber!

Look pon this… Jason Jordan can’t compete… but at least he found a suitable replacement… DOUBLE R!!!!

What I don’t understand is… why is Jason Jordan at ringside? I mean, unless the Bar were being teef which I don’t think they were – he doesn’t need to be out there!

His intentions were good but he got ketch by the ref!!!! You baited it up for The Shield YOU FOOL!!!! As much of a loose cannon Ambrose is, he wouldn’t have struck The Bar in front of the referee?!

Wait a minute – since when were we watching Live Wire? or Velocity, or even Wrestling Challenge??? I didn’t know that no name jobber were still a thing for Nia Jax? have the creative team gone on holiday or something? I know it’s Black History Month/J Dilla season but…

Nia Jax wants to disfigure Asuka! NO!!! I mean… can’t they come to some mutual agreement?

I hope Mickie James hasn’t broken Sonya Deville’s nose!!! Look how fine Sonya is – come on Mickie – stop this wrestling nonsense and GET IN THAT TONGUE!GRANT MARKIES BARNERS

GRANT BODY-P!

Maybe Alexa Bliss wants to get in that tongue of Mickie! Yeah I’m scratching my head too – Absolution was gonna beat down Mickie, and Alexa saved her clart??? Mickie is looking at Alexa like – A WHA DE???

If you jabronies hated the Prince fiasco at the Superbowl and complained on the internet about it, maybe you would rather walk with Elias instead? He would have done great at the Halftime joint?!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Imagine! Elias in the Raw main event, and he combines his force with John Cena to take out the Monster Among Men…

Don’t ask me how he did it… (well I do I just watched it) but Elias will enter last in the Chamber by defeating the worn out Cena after he took a powerslam from Braun Strowman!

So er.. yeah, it was a RAW with plenty wrestling action. not much storyline and jokes… and that sort of sh!t bores me…

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