Category Archives: Wrestling

Monday Night Raw #1258, July 3 , 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

So the Slammiversary popped off! and NEW! Unified TNA Champion (or whatever it’s called) ALBERTO EL PATRON! There he is running down the WWE in the middle of the ring… after all they did for you Bertie, if it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t be f**k!n Paige. Ungrateful sh!t!

GRANT BODY-P!

Unlucky Cody Rhodes, you didn’t quite make history by holding both the ROH & IWGP titles… Good thing you didn’t, because my fellow JAMMS host and STC member Aydenn Wardle would have lost his sh!t and would have blew his load faster than Chicago bussin into Iesha in Poetic Justice.

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RAW 1258! We don’t sing Great Balls Of Fire over here?!!!! We sing FYYYREEE!! from Busta Rhymes!!!

Steph Raw

Right – I got half a pack of lockets, a hot drink of lemon and honey, plus a pack of jaffa cakes. Yes your Infamous Informer is not very well, and he doesn’t have Penny to sing him soft kitty… however this is Monday Night Raw, we ain’t tryna sleep!

Oh dear, my stream is f**k!n up! Maybe I’m not supposed to watch the World Wrestling Federation Live! I juts missed 15 minutes of this sh!t…

By the sounds of it, I missed Enzo talk sh!t in the ring for that long, and then ambush Big Cass from behind. Ah well!!! Onto Sasha sexy @$$ and Bayley potato @$$!

I know you’re the boss lady, but even you cannot contend with Alexa Blitch and the Bottom and the Breasts Nia Jax!

“This is MY division Sasha!” OH HELL NO! I changed my mind – Sasha – BEAT THAT B!TCH @$$! YES! A BANK STATEMENT! ALEXA BLITCH TAPPING OUT! BEEEEAAAATCH!!!!!

An exclusive interview with Brock and Joe? On the go home show before the PPV? You cannot be serious right now! THAT AIN’T HAPPENING!

Is this thing with Naom Dar/Cedric Alexander/Alicia Fox sh!t still going on??? I only expect this from Hollyoaks! Oh yeah – it’s a ‘male soap opera isn’t it??? Aww shucks…

Sheeeeeeet! Heath Slater been in the WWE game for 8 years! And he never won a title? Last time I check – he won the tag titles with Rhyno! Oh he means a singles title…

Miz says there will be no title matches… YES! KURK ANGLE will have something to say about that!

SERIOUSLY! Miz talking to Kurt Angle like that? This dude got no manners!!!! Heath Slater can fight Miz for the title NOW! If Miz holds down the title (which I think he will because he’s a b!tch hiding behind Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas) then he got Dean Ambrose to deal with at the Great Balls Of Fire joint!

The question remains – who thought up that PPV Title and who got that sh!t approved? Was it one of Vincent Kennedy’s favourite tunes of all time? If that was the case I wanna have my own wrestling promotion! I would call my PPVs ‘Da Mystery Of Chessboxing’… ‘House Of Flying Daggers’, ‘Assassination Day’, ‘Winter Warz’, ‘Bring The Pain’, ‘Brooklyn Zoo’, ‘4th Chamber’… should I go on????

GRANT BODY-P!

Come on Slater!!! WHUPP HIS @$$!!! THINK OF THE KIDS!!!! THE KIDDDDDSSSSS!!! YOU GOTTA PAY THAT CHILD SUPPORT MUTHAF***A!

Damnit! His blodclart Miztourage! Miz has always been a b!tch!

Did you hear that? John Cena advertising Tapout Body Sprays? Talking about feeding trolls and stopping internet warriors?? Here’s looking at you retarded 434 fools!

OH Sh!t – Titus may have a slogan for Apollo Crews – Crews Can’t Loose! But we talking BRAUN here! And Apollo just had a daughter! Apollo must protect her from monsters! They are everywhere! And above all else – keep her OFF THE POLE!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Great Balls Of fire

A 30- minute iron man tag team match between Sheamus/Cesaro & the Hardy Boyz at the Great Balls of Fire joint? WHOA! Sounds like WWE have been watching the Slammiversary and That G1 thing lately and got their study on!

Don’t you think that’s f**ked up people? Big Big Great Balls of Fire joint about to pop off and Finn Balor is not even fixed up in a match? But Raw made sure wrestling purists got their jerk on as he battles Cesaro here!

Wait a second, maybe he IS in a match at the PPV! I forgot about this Elias Samson dude… is that a bad thing?!

YES Wrestling fools don’t have a heart attack – Brock Lesnar IS SPEAKING TO SAMOA JOE! He is the best of the best of the best! You think Paul Heyman gonna say something stupid?

Hey Brock is laughing at this whole thing! He hasn’t gotta look for Joe! Joe gotta look for him!

Joe is on some – LET’S GO CHAMP! I like this! Considering it’s the go home show!

Joe is bex!!! Brock isn’t! You would think it’s the other way around! This is great!

Just when I thought Braun was getting better competition in Apollo Crews! For a minute Crews was killing Strowman! But Strowman hit the running powerslam, 1, 2 and – WAIT! He picked Crews head up! UH-OH!!!! DOUBLE R GET DOWN HERE FAST! THIS IS INJUSTICE!grant-body-p

He just dropped a second running powerslam! took his head off the canvas before the 3 and licked his forehead! OH MY GOD That’s some Wyatt sh!t right there!

After 3 Running Powerslams, it’s over… hey Crews… it could have been worse you feel me?

He just dashed Crews in the ambulance and told the driver to get going! But the driver nah move!

It’s DOUBLE R!!!! DUNA! DUNA! DUNA! DUNN-DUNN! How can you guys NOT LIKE this dude? YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!

UUUUUUOOOOOOOOAHHHHH! Spear Strowman off the stage into tables – BLAOW!!!!! But how is he gonna drag that carcass into the ambulance? That’s what I wanna know!

Strowman still on his feet! BLODCLART!

Yo, I watched Wonder Woman recently. That Gal Gadot though! OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Some lucky muthaf****a married her quicktime! She is FLIRT ON SIGHT I’m telling you! Watch STC’s Edd Mulhall… he’s on the case… he knows where all the naked pics is at! Personally, I don’t think Gal Gadot got any naked pics… I think Edd uses photoshop and is very efficient at it!

GRANT BODY-P!

Wonder Woman

 

JAMMS

Monday Night Raw #1257, June 26 , 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Mae Young Classic

Let me get this right so I can understand this: You have Lita, one of the pioneering women in wrestling, knows her wrestling sh!t, one of the most beloved from your ever-loving attitude era, (and fine as a muthaf***a too) then you have Jim Ross, fired more times from WWE than you have changed your dirty brief, and you there you are STILL COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET? Roy Lucier – TALK TO YOUR PEOPLE in your International Wrestling Fanbase group. Tell them that I said – SHUT THE F**K UP!

 

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1257! We only deal with the REAL over here!!! Wrestling thoughts in its RAWEST FORM!

Steph Raw

 

Looks like Lavar Ball & Lonzo Ball of the L.A. Lakers is in the house!!! Miz TV though? Is that wise? This I gotta see! I hope The Miz doesn’t say anything slick!

Double R starting the show! Is he still the #1 contender or so he claims?

Los Angeles wants Strowman to come out like – BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN!!!!! I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!

Double R has now put respect on Samoa Joe’s name! Safe to say Samoa won’t trouble Double R again!

Who called the ambulance to pick up the people? Must have been the Los Angeles crowd!

BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!! He man handled Double R! Threw him against the ambulance!!!! Then dashed him inside and mercifully, it drove away! The fans must have got their money’s worth now surely! They can go home happy now – that’s what WWE is about right? Putting smiles on people’s faces!

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that!!! Finn Balor doing his entrance and the Hardy Boyz also spreading their arms out in unison! Los Angeles like – DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!!! That would be a wicked combination actually – Brother Nero, Broken Matt and the Demon Balor! Sheamus, Cesaro and Elias Samson would have no chance!

At this moment wrestling fans watching must be losing their sh!t because the commentators are not talking about the match – and promoting some film with some jabroni named Josh Duhamel…

Talking of movie productions… this Goldust/R-Truth sh!t doesn’t really entertain me. I want Goldust to go back to his cumse-cumsa sh!t that cracked me the f**k up back in 1996, after all – he said the ‘golden age is back’! And finally they are gonna clash – so no Shadfather – it’s not ending up on a pre-show! You are a funny muthaf***a!

Oh dear – R-Truth is bex! You know how I know that? dude ain’t spitting those bars to make the head shake… only to get buss arse by Goldust, with his own cameraman as well??? That’s what you jabronies do when you see a fight – record it on your gidgets gadgets and upload to WorldStar!

GRANT BODY-P!

Let me get this right – A women’s gauntlet jump off? Winner stays on sh!t? Winner faces Alexa Blitch? You know what that is don’t you – trying to better what the Smackdown ladies have got (The superior and better looking and sexier ladies I might add- sorry Sasha – sorry Nia!)

The Big Baller Brand on Miz TV???? Uh-Oh… this gonna trigger Titus and Apollo Crews… watch them come out…

Where is the Miz going? He can’t be on the Big Baller Brand???!!!!

Wait a minute – Miz can’t call himself the Michael Jordan of this wrestling sh!t? DISRESPECT!

Dean Ambrose speaks the truth – nobody got bigger balls than him – they are deep in Renee Young pu$$y! Like God dayuuuuuum!!!! Like OWWWWWWWWW!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

The way Lavar Ball was going on – He look like he was gonna drop a mean clothesline on The Miz b!tch @$$!

Quick message to you wrestling b!tches who were complaining about that segment – remember – celebrities have been gracing the WWE ring since 1985 – starting all the way from Muhammed Ali. So simply put – SHUT THE F**K UP!

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Well at least with Big Cass – you haven’t gotta ask – Why Cass Why? And he didn’t have to give an explanation! We knew from marning!

Enzo still seems to be in a good mood! Los Angeles are still feeling him!

A man to man talk? Why is Big Cass still got that music? Give him that generic rock sh!t! It worked for Braun!

Enzo still thinks he and Cass is family! Oh boy, this ain’t gonna end well….

Los Angeles crowd dropping the What? Chant…on Cass… Hold on – Cass is sorry? I dunno man… Mark Henry still has that award-winning performance…

I’m still not convinced… there you go – BLAOW!!!! Clothesline to Enzo on the stage!!!! I was just waiting!!! Where is that ambulance at – we might need it back!

Cass just picked up Enzo on some gorilla press sh!t and threw him down the ramp onto the concrete floor! That was vintage NXT writing right there! Remember when Samoa Joe did that sh!t to Finn Balor? THE GRANT SAYS THIS: After Mark Henry’s retirement speech, nothing can fool me anymore.

There’s the face the wrestling fans will accept to lead the company – Seth Rollins! I can’t lie to you – I cannot relate to Rollins! Oh wait there… the video game thing… Ok maybe I do! He would mash me up on sports games, but put on Tekken…. Seth doesn’t stand a chance!

Can somebody please tell me why we are seeing pointless spoilers with the women picking out which order they enter the gauntlet match? Ah foolishness that!

Oh no – here he com- whoa!!! Samoa Joe using stealth moves using that Coquina clutch submission on Lesnar! Well Heyman was right – we would be talking about this the next day!

Paul Heyman says this will be a long out fight to the death! No 1 minute 26 second thing! I hope that is a SPOILER HEYMAN!

Nia Jax is looking KRISSER by the day! I’m telling you – she is spending that WWE money for real! She using that performance centre to its fullest potential! OWWWWWWW! F**K OUTTA HERE with that Alexa Blitch sh!t! One of these days I will ask you guys what features you find attractive on Alexa!grant-body-p

Bayley gotta run the gauntlet first! Should be no problem – she won an ironman match!

Here’s my champion right here – Nia Jax! That BOTTOM… that BIG TICK THIGHS! them BREASSSSTSSS…. aaaaahhhh….

You can’t say that about Alexa and her flat body!

GRANT BODY-P!

Bayley is out the game! Next up – Mickie James! You think her lesbian like powers will work on Nia?

Not this time! Dana Brooke – she has no chance! Make an example out of his fool Nia!

“Emma is impressive on the instagram” – I don’t know about that I’m not following her!

Dayuuuum Nia is killin em! Here comes Sasha! Just like UpUpDownDown -You gotta face the boss Nia! Sasha I love you but this time I love Nia just a little bit more!

Win or lose – this is a display of Nia’s endurance and stamina! I LIKE THAT!

GRANT BODY-P!

Congratulations Sasha! That was a case of whoever loses – I WIN.

Now I turn my attention to STC & PWL’s Ian Anthony Cooper. DUDE – I told you – STOP READING THE DIRT SHEETS – STOP BELIEVING EVERYTHING THAT STUPID 434 PAGE SAYS. There you are posting all over STC and your page that Stone Cold Steve Austin was gonna appear. 434 Made You Look silly yo… what’s sad is I respect you but you traded your soul for riches…

JAMMS

NEW BDSIR NETWORK

Monday Night Raw #1256, June 19, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

WWE2K18

Now surely, the WWE2K18 superstar reveal should not result in complaints on the internet. If it does – and you that idiot – KILL YOURSELF.

In other news – when did Jinder Mahal (& Roman Reigns for that matter) pass the hate relay baton to James Ellsworth? He truly f**ked up that Women’s Money In the Bank didn’t he? Suddenly Roman Reigns defeating the Undertaker at WrestleMania is forgiven…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1256! DOUBLE R HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT SUMMERSLAMS! So please refrain from chanting ‘@$$hole’, ‘F**k you Roman’, ‘Shut the f**k up’…

Steph Raw

 

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NEW STC LOGO 2015

Monday Night Raw #1254, June 5, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

…And NEW! #1 contender for the World Wrestling Federation Universal Championship, SAMOA JOE!

Yeah I see you guys complaining already that Samoa Joe will not win against Brock at the Great Balls of Fire joint because they are building towards the inevitable confrontation between Brock & Double R… a part of me wants to cuss you and a part of me agrees with you.

See Michael Grant says: I sincerely hope Samoa Joe doesn’t turn out to be one of those guys who could have held the title but didn’t because of politics a few years down the road, like how Summerslams is coming as well, you want Brock in that main event.

But The Infamous Informer says – THIS IS WHAT YOU MUTHAF***AZ WANT! You gonna see a sure-fire brawl and vicious beatdown from both! It will be dubbed ‘Conqueror Vs Destroyer’, y’all know WWE are gonna hype this sh!t up! So if I was you – SHUT THE F**K UP!

GRANT BODY-P!

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Nearly 180,000 views on this sh!t? It’s that crack music n!&&@!! Lalalalalalaaa, lalalalalalaaaaaaa! GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1254! Yo Enzo – PROTECK YA NECK KID!

Steph Raw

GRANT BODY-P!

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NEW STC LOGO 2015

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Monday Night Raw #1240, February 27, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

It’s not often I feel embarrassed about my Hip Hop community, constantly talking about Remy Ma Vs Nicki Minaj… I have to retreat to my wrestling folk. I wanna know – when is Beth Phoenix gonna come through and clap down Charlotte? (Hey – I love Charlotte – y’all already know!) Big ups to that woman – NOW INDUCTED IN THIS YEAR’S HOF!

GRANT BODY-P!

In other news: Which brings me to Chyna… I smell a childish move by WWE. Maybe I’m looking into it too much (like a lot of you wrestling fans do) But check it – Beth Phoenix – muscular bodybuilding features, second female to enter the Royal Rumble… man-handling male wrestlers…. hmm sounds all familiar doesn’t it? Chyna did that sh!t first, and because of Triple & Stephanie, she’s not in the HOF… One year after Chyna’s death… just a few weeks before she tried to make closure… yeah maybe I am looking into it too much – playing too much Batman Arkham Knight that is!

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RAW 1240! Gotta hit the FastLane! That means WWE – don’t slow pace this sh!t! No 30mph – none of that sh!t!

Sorry guys – crappy streams have made me miss 10 minutes of this sh!t…. Kevin Owens is still confident against Goldberg! (Come on Owens… you got skills but – between me and you – how much did you pay Brock to f**k him up???)

These muthaf***!n Shining Stars… I can’t wait til big BIG WrestleMania is over… so that WWE do the future endeavoured sh!t, get rid of these two and word on the street is the Hardy Boyz are not in the TNA joint any more… (ooooh come back to WWE -) OH SHUT YOUR MOUTH PUNK!

GRANT BODY-P!

Now… didn’t New Day fight Rusev & Jinder Mahal last week? Don’t let me put on Streets of Rage now!

Er wait a minute – Hardbody Mahal???? Probably Hard’budy’ Mahal being forced to walk around with Lana with the tight up skirt and can’t f**k her!

GRANT BODY-P!

Dayuuum Stephanie how come you are putting Foley on blast like that? I know he has made crappy Raws but sheeeeeet! Obviously Stephanie is inspired by Remy Ma! Stephanie – I know that when Triple leaves the house you turn off that Motorhead and you rocking that real hip hop!

Marvellous! Charlotte is here! The sexiest woman on RAW – yeah I said it! Dana cannot test her, Sasha is fine but her body doesn’t match Charlotte’s… Nia Jax – OWWWWW she fine but she doesn’t ooze the sexuality like Charlotte does… Emma doesn’t count because she grant-body-pwasn’t even there! But Charlotte saying that Bayley cheats to win is crazy hahaha! She’s the worst for it!

…and as for Bayley… please – she looks only 12!

WrestleMania is in 40 days? Last time I check – it was 34 days according to Mike Cole! Charlotte do your arithmetic!

The combined force of Bayley and Sasha Banks is not enough to take down Nia Jax! Why didn’t she enter the rumbles? Randy Orton may not have won right now!

GRANT BODY-P!

Yo – throw Nia Jax in the match at the Fast Lane joint – Triple Threat that muthaf***a! She just pinned Bayley again! You sure you walking into big BIG WrestleMania with that title Bayley????

Braun Strowman wants a contract signing so that Double R doesn’t take foot and run up the stairs!

First Kofi Kingston, now Enzo Amore – why are they wearing these vests that is too short for them showing their belly button and sh!t? They claim to be Hip Hop but they are embarrassing me yo!

Blodclart – WWE Network is 3 years old? Never even noticed… where the party at? That makes WWE Network a Pisces… I notice in my track record that me and Pisces women get along really well…

It’s a real shame that despite the aggression Titus O Neill is showing against Sheamus he is only gonna end up on his back looking at the lights after one brogue kick…

goldberg-fastlane

Ok let me see the condition of Mr Rollins… the man is walking down the ramp with crutches… I’m just waiting for him to throw the thing away and say TRIPLE H! I’M COMING FOR YOU N!&&@!

I’m not falling for it Seth!!!! Mark Henry set the bar for sob stories! Why the f**k is the crowd chanting CM P**k? I swear HANG YOURSELF!

It doesn’t look like the doctors will clear him for WrestleMania? and that evil dastardly Triple TEEF is smiling about it! I’m still waiting for the swerve!

Samoa Joe is at ringside too! Oh lawwwd! This is bad! Double R get out here! Send a tweet to Ambrose – do something!

Triple admitted to using Rollins and spitting him out! THAT DIRTY TRIPLE TEEF!!!!!!

Triple warns Rollins not to come to Big BIG WRESTLEMANIA!!! Rollins is like – F**k YOU!

Wait a minute – is Big Show tryna join the Wyatt family? What is it with these long @$$ beards? Are they the new sexy feature or something? Ladies holla at me on the twitter – @MZATheInfamous!

beth-phoenix-feet-599732

She’s that chick who you would let man handle you in the bed but you play it off like it’s the other way around! SALUTE THIS WOMAN!!!! The question remains – who is going to induct her? Smart money says Edge but I’m sure she would want her peers to do the honors! (I still think it’s WWE’s sly way of slapping Chyna in the face though…)

Wait a minute – didn’t Sasha and Nia fight at the Royal Rumble joint? Now they gonna fight again at the Fast Lane joint? Bookers you are boring me with this no stipulation sh!t!

I like the dude Cesaro but you wrestling fools have put this guy on this pedestal like he’s the baddest! I don’t get that vibe I’m sorry – Samoa – KILL HIM!

Just like that, Samoa Joe brukk up Cesaro’s blodclart – especially after Cesaro tweeked his knee falling off the apron. It makes me wonder who his WrestleMania opponent is gonna be…

Could it be Sami Zayn? They are already fighting at the Fast Lane joint! Oh man this is ruckus by the both of em! This can’t be a basic wrestling match come WrestleMania surely?

Irresisable Force vs Immovable Object my black @$$! Double R got buss arse every week! Roman Reigns Needs a Superman KICK if he has any chance of brukkin up Braun Strowman!

Everybody talking to Mick Foley like sh!t! I think STC’s Wardle is right – All this disrespectful talk and Foley referring himself as a ‘legend’ is pointing towards the Don Of Dons…maybe it IS Braun Strowman Vs Undertaker at WrestleMania!

Er guys… I thought you were gonna sign this contract???? Double R is like – F**k that – Spear Strowman through the barricade – BLAOW! And the crowd actually chanting for Roman! Or is it Strowman????

Double R goes for the spear – Strowman sidesteps and drives Reigns into the turnbuckle – f**k!n up the ring ropes! Double R gotta be f**ked up now! Maybe not – Double R signed the contract! Of course he is!

Like I said – he needs a superman KICK! a superman steel chair! a superman tank!

Me garne ah mi bed – much better than last week… but sh!t it wasn’t easy getting through the sh!t…

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Monday Night Raw #1251, May 15, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Indy killer

So there is some sort of indie Vs mainstream wrestling war which rooted between Rip Rogers & Randy Orton… in the middle of it, Will Ospreay, Bubba Ray Dudley and god knows who else. I don’t know about you guys, but I spent the whole weekend playing Street Fighter V for free…

GRANT BODY-P!

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GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1251! IT’S NOT A RUMOUR! Fix Strowman’s elbow… OR ELSE!!!!

Looks like Double R really won this war right? You fans lose again!

Already I’m yawning…. BAD SIGN!

It’s KURRRRRRRRRT!!!! I must ask Jerry Lawler about calling that Armageddon Hell In a Cell….

Kurt – you might as well drop the cell on them because it’s an Extreme Rules Fatal 5 Way match! Winner fights Brock Lesnar! Seth Rollins, Samoa Joe, Bray Wyatt, Finn Balor, and Double R!

Wait – does Double R like that sh!t? Or is it the fans who doesn’t like that sh!t?

Double R believes there should not be a #1 contender! He speaks the truth! He retired The Undertaker! He took Strowman out the game! I wouldn’t argue that but Finn Balor never lost that title! How can you argue that! He beat Double R on his first night! That is true! How can you argue Samoa Joe? Took out Seth Rollins on his first day! Samoa destroys people!

You can argue Bray Wyatt though… he ain’t no face of fear – he loses almost every feud!

As for Seth Rollins – he ‘slayed’ the evil Triple Teef! You can make a case for all 5 – er I mean 4 men!

That is one thing I am so looking forward to when WWE 2K18 drop – Sheamus & Cesaro entrance! Gotta be in my Top 5 entrances right now!

It amuses me that Alicia Fox and Noam Dar appealed against the decision by the ref last week. Yes her shoulders were up and the ref did not see it… but Sasha is only gonna brukk her up again! I gotta rate Alicia for keeping herself relevant though…

Er – what – Alicia Fox won? WHOA!!! I hold my hands up!!!!

Dean Ambrose – The Champion! The Miz – the Challenger! World Wrestling Federation Intercontinetal Championship!

No one’s ever done that! No one has ever kicked out of the Skull Crushing Finale! haha I’m f**k!n with you Miz… your supermove isn’t exactly the Tombstone Piledriver now is it?

GRANT BODY-P!

Maryse tried to teef, and The Miz tried to kick him in his dick…BLOCKED!!! So Ambrose thought – well F**k you! Kick you in your d!ck!!!!

“I thought Miz was trying to hook the inner thigh of Ambrose…” COREY GRAVES DON’T GIVE ME JOKE! A ‘STRONG STYLE INNER THIGH GRAB!!!’

ODB GETTOUTTAHERE

GETTOUTTAHERE!!!!

Oh hell naw – Alexa Bliss – the self proclaimed Goddess… I don’t worship that little pork scratchings!!!! This is the part where I put my pizza in the oven…

I give points where points is due – Alexa Bliss SMASHED THE AUDIENCE! The crowd hitting her with What? Chants during her promo, and Alexa is like ‘Say what again with you are a failure’ and the New Jersey crowd FAILED THE TEST! ‘Exactly!’ New Jersey crowd – YOU ARE A FAILURE! YOU WANNA SLEEP WITH YOUR SISTER LIKE HER NAME IS CERSEI!

Alexa says – Bayley cannot get extreme! Does hugging translate to steel chair shots to the backbone? I guess we gonna find out at the Extreme Rules joint! Alexa gonna lick Bayley down with the kendo stick! OH LAWWWWWWWWWD! I think Bayley gonna cry! Alexa has gone full Harley Quinn! Shout out to everybody getting that Injustice game! I won’t see you online – I’m a Tekken guy!

GRANT BODY-P!

NOW I will put the pizza in the oven…

Unbelivable! The Miz of all people complaining about Deano being teef, and The Miz is one of the biggest TEEFS there is!

Ok – I’m REALLY going to put that pizza in the oven… sorry cruiserweight brothers!

Oh no… CM P**k chants… oh man they REALLY wanna get in Cersei Lannister! Let’s be real – Cersei is fine – she AIN’T MY SISTER!

Cersei Lena headey

Watch STC’s Ed Mulhall try and find nudes of this chick – only to find I have seen her naked ‘sort of’ in Game Of Thrones!

GRANT BODY-P!

(Apparently she was actually pregnant at the time she shot that infamous walk of atonement scene so they got a stunt double…Shame…SHAME! RING THE BELL!)

WHAT? A kendo stick on a pole match for Bayley & Alexa? NO! I think Wardle is right – Vince Russo is back in the creative team! Who let him in?!!!!!

I gotta say I am enjoying RAW this week! Bravo boys and girls! and to think, there’s no Braun Strowman!

Let me watch Finn Balor’s entrance… then I’ll grab my pizza – it should be ready by now!

Oh man… you wrestling fans ain’t gonna like this – a less than 100% Double R defeats Finn Balor in a physical match! In the words of Gordon Ramsay, I say this to you fans… ‘f**k off will ya…’

OH SNAP!!! GOLDUST TURNED EVIL! Looks like Goldust ain’t gonna send any love letters to R-Truth! THE GRANT SAYS – R-Truth – consider yourself lucky! It could have been worse – you could have been Ahmed Johnson!

GRANT BODY-P!

Titus O’Neill is actually giving me joke doing the Enzo routine in a full suit!!!! I’m not too sure if the crowd are chanting ENZO – or @$$Hole?!!! This gig is actually giving Apollo Crews some character! I support this!

Apollo Crews doesn’t take selfies! It’s a female trait! Kick Enzo in his head yes!

I don’t think TJP really wants to be a bad guy… he sure as hell doesn’t act like one… he wants that title – and Neville knows it… keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer right?!

Now that the storylines have slightly changed… does Bray and Finn still have beef? I’m still hoping that the ‘demon king’ appears from out the darkness and assaults Wyatt during this match…

Nope – Samoa Joe – TEEEEEEEF! Is it safe to say that we can automatically take Samoa Joe and Seth Rollins out of the winning equation?! Samoa Joe thought he was going to double team with Wyatt to beat down Rollins – SWITCH – Wyatt hit the Sister Abigail on Joe – BLAOW!!! Wyatt is not someone you make your bredrin! He learnt that after Randall!

GRANT BODY-P!

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IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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Monday Night Raw #1250, May 8, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Looks like I will have to address a certain jabroni…

Goes by the name of Jared Followill.

King of idiot

Well THE GRANT SAYS Jared FolloWON’T, WHO ARE YOU? Turns out he is some fool from Kings Of Leon. What do they sing? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY SING!!!! Maybe I should take that ridiculous guitar you got strapped round your back, shine it up real nice, keep shining it, turn that sumb!tch sideways – AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP – YOUR CANDY @$$!

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GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1250! We are celebrating One and One Quarter of the way to 2000 episodes by coming to HENGLAN! I heard Stephanie is over here… is that dastardly Triple Teef here too?

Dean Ambrose starting the show in front of 17,323 muthaf***az in London! Some of which are in the Smack Talk Centre! Big up Paul Summers, Tom Taylor and Martin Gleed! They love Deano! But Kurt didn’t make the trip! Darn… so Deano is running the dance! The Miz don’t like that sh!t!

Miz claims Stephanie McMahon called him! And said The Miz is running the dance as well! Steph – we saw you on This Morning, don’t act like you are not here!

BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! Arm sling and all! The Miz and Deano better give Braun better competition… OR ELSE!

Why are London thanking Strowman for? He did nothing?!

As long as Double R can walk – he’s not finished with him? He’s gonna end Double R?! Then he wants Brock Lesnar???

Where’s Kalisto going?! He’s not done with Braun???

I think Braun just dropped himself in it – said he could beat Kalisto with one arm… Deano set up the match and I’m surprised Deano hasn’t joined Double R in a hospital by now!

Miz running his mouth about beating Finn Balor last week… let’s see how he does now the little wretch!

Wait a minute – The Miz abusing his authority! He pushed Balor into the referee!

Wait! Deano reversed the decision! And banned Maryse from ringside! Balor hit the coup de grace on the Miz – BLAOW! Break that muthaf***a’s rib cage!

I’m sure that Nia Jax fancies Alexa Bliss… I recall her commenting on Alexa’s @$$… she comments on it more than I do… but THE GRANT SAYS Alexa got NO @$$! some of you jabronies do not know what a backside is! Let me give you a demonstration…

On the left is Alexa Bliss. She has NO @$$. There’s nothing there. Flat as a pancake.

On the right is Andressa Soares from Brazil. YOU SEE THAT? NOW THAT IS A BACKSIDE! A BADUNKADUNK! A DELICIOUS BOOTY! A LOVELY RUMP! If Andressa sat on your little tools – she would END YOU!

GRANT BODY-P!

Don’t let me bring up another example!

I’ve come to the conclusion that wrestling fans have NO TASTE in women… I am just not attracted to Bayley! Somebody explain it to me! You mean to tell me we went from the sexy @$$ Trish Stratus… to the leggy Stacy Keibler, to the golden complexion of Layla… to BAYLEY????

The Miz got somebody from One Direction on his show? Yeah – cancel that sh!t!

Fight brukk out backstage between Samoa Joe and Seth Rollins! I wanna hear what the stipulation is for Extreme Rules!

17,323 booing Double R! Looks like this Kalisto beatdown ain’t gonna happen!

Double R going for the spear to Strowman into the barricade – counter technique – he just saw Strowman’s big boot!

Double R beating down Strowman with the steel chair! Strowman had to take foot and run!

Now Double R should go after Strowman and beat out his blodclart! Not stand on top ropes and hold his arms up! You think Austin or The Rock would have done that?

Oh I forgot about this tag team turmoil sh!t… this sh!t is gonna bore me… I have already started yawning…

Just in case you didn’t learn the first time…

Once again, on the left, Alexa Bliss. Nothing there at all. Flat like still tango.

On the right, Sophia Lares. If anyone should know about @$$, it’s STC’s Edmond Mulhall. Personally, I know which @$$ I would rather be behind gettin it in!

GRANT BODY-P!

Good lord! Sheamus & Cesaro eliminated 3 teams in this turmoil sh!t, one of them being the Bullet Club! Golden Truth are the last team to enter! You think they can pull off the upset?

Nope!!!! Cesaro & Sheamus wins! FLAWLESS VICTORY! Or if you prefer, from X-Men Children of the Atom – YOU WIN! (Press the start button and continue the beatings on  the Golden Truth!)

Hardy Boyz out for revenge! But Sheamus & Cesaro left the ring and was like – not tonight boys!

No way are Samoa Joe & Seth Rollins gonna settle this in a simple one – on – one contest? Come on son!

To the ref: Does Samoa Joe look like he cares if you disqualify him? The exposed turnbuckle in play and took Rollins out the game one time!

I didn’t think they were going to do the Cruiserweight segment this week, and now the dude is just known as TJP… sounds like an antiseptic you use in the bathroom!

Right part 3 of proving my point, to show that I’m not biased… here is a pic of Alexa Bliss this time with her @$$ cocked out…

Alexa Bliss ass 2

Now, check this one… Adrian Purnell of the LFL…

Adrian Purnell

I just gave you three examples of why I don’t believe Alexa Bliss is all that as you jabronies claim. For that reason, I dedicate this song to you…

YOO!!! That suplex was crazy! Bray Wyatt had Deano set up similar to Randy when he does his spike DDT, but instead this was outside the ring! Suplex into the floor – BLAOW! Never seen that before!

Props to The Miz (and yes I give props where props is due) He put Michael Cole on blast when he called him out as #1 Miz fan! Remember those days?! Pepperidge Farm remembers!

That’s what happens when you want to take a closer look at the action! You get caught in the action! Or in this case – the suicide dives of Ambrose but it enabled Bray Wyatt to win… I sincerley hope this doesn’t become a thing with the IWC where Bray cannot win a match alone when we have seen him do it constantly…

GRANT BODY-P!

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IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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Monday Night Raw #1247, April 17, 2017!!!

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Right… the Soul N Sports massive n crew – they have something every Monday called ‘Best & Worst of the Weekend. Ok so here’s mine…

Best of the Weekend: Kendrick Lamar album – DAMN! Or more importantly the last tune on the album – DUCKWORTH. HOLY SMOKES WHAT A TUNE! Shout out to Styles P & Talib Kweli who also brought forth a solid offering in ‘The Seven’. Both highly recommended.

Worst Of the Weekend: Some stupid muthaf***a shooting down people while on Facebook live like it’s really funny, and muthaf***az sharing that sh!t like the buzzards that they are. Black people are being killed for no reason by police and this sort of sh!t happens. Vincent Kennedy is right – LIFE’S NOT FAIR! YES LIFE SUCKS…and then you – WHOA!!!!

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RAW 1247! You are still the inferior show! You got Alexa Bliss – NUFF SAID!

Gotta open this up with last week’s MVP and trust me – the WWE Universe will WELCOME Braun Strowman!!!

I guess Double R had to pay a penalty for ‘retiring the Undertaker’! That is something you just don’t do!

Kurt is giving Braun the night off – but Braun wants to f**k up people… OR ELSE! Kurt is like – or else what? Why the f**k isn’t there T-Shirts with that sh!t on it? This monster among men is OVER! And I hate using wrestling terminology – Do I look ike a wrestling nerd to you??!!!

Aaaah sh!t! Braun got the Golden Truth! I’m surprised he didn’t get Finlay and Jamie Noble!

GRANT BODY-P!

Is Kurt afraid of Strowman or something? He sent a flimsy referee to tell him he had the night off!

Sorry Enzo, Wu-Tang Tattoo on your arm but Raw is NOT the realest show in the room. How you doin?

That’s f**ked up – Revival only come the other day and Dash Wilder is out the game already with a fractured jaw? 8 weeks out the game – welcome to the main roster muthaf***a!

(They should have went to Smackdown – the A-show… that would not have happened!)

GRANT BODY-P!

You see that movie White Men Can’t Jump? There is a saying on there I will never forget: ‘When you win, you really lose, and when you lose you really win…’ such is the case for Miz & Maryse – they lost the match at WrestleMania but find themselves on RAW – which WWE claims as the A show but me and you (well some of you) already knew it’s not the case… conversely, Cena and Nikki won the match, but Nikki mashed up her neck again.

Deano is right – Miz looks ridiculous in a maroon suit – But this man right here – The Infamous Informer, would make it look good!

Quote from Miz ‘I wear this because this is what SUPERSTARS look like, but you Dean, you just look like ‘WRESTLERS’…whoa… is that an insult to the IWC????

…and the rivalry has been reignited! The Miz dropped real but annoying talk, but real talk nonetheless – talks about how Deano ‘fell off’, finding himself on pre-show, all sorts of sh!t! Deano is like – I don’t care about all that bright lights and sh!t – I just love this wrestling sh!t! I’ll fight for 20 people, 100,000 people, it ain’t nothing!

Next victim – was that Kalisto who Strowman tried to f**k up? Not before he was intercepted by the Big Show!

They haven’t changed TJ Perkins music! I was looking for that Bowser music… and he’s still doing the ‘dab’… is that what it’s called?

Titus has got the idea! Actually he and Apollo Crews wouldn’t make a bad tag team actually… Crews needs CHARACTER – Titus – you can finally make this so-called brand of yours happen!

Notice I haven’t talked much wrestling? Because quite frankly, I can’t be bothered… until now – Fatal 4 Way #1 contendership for the World Wrestling Federation Women’s grant-body-pChampionship… Mickie James – Sasha Banks – Alexa Bliss – Nia Jax… winner fights Bayley at the Payback joint… once again – backing Nia Jax – a part of me wants Alexa to win so she can get buss arse by Bayley…

Then again a apart of me wants either Nia or Sasha or Mickie to buss Alexa’s arse – I don’t give a f**k if she in her hometown! The commentator just said – Alexa is that chick who would break your heart, break your jaw and you would still look at her on instagram – NO SHE’S NOT!!!! THE GRANT SAYS – I’m on instagram @infamousgrantbodyp – and I don’t wanna look at her b!tch @$$… not when I have women like Rosa Acosta on my instagram!

Rosa Acosta

Who the f**k does Alexa think she is? How is she gonna scream at Sasha – ‘This is my division now!’ This is what I mean – the ratchet has NO MANNERS – she was as good as done in the bank statement, but sh!t – Nia did all the damage and Alexa took advantage and is now through to Payback! Backing Bayley 100%!! Promise me you won’t drop any poems Bayley!!!!!

Do you think Heath Slater watches Curt Hawkins in the back and thinks ‘I’m glad I’m not at the bottom of the barrel anymore?’

GRANT BODY-P!

OH NO!!!! Jericho just made a fantastic promo and the Drifter who keeps playing the guitar for no reason just made the list!

Now on to Wyatt… who according to you guys, loses every feud… but check it – what if Wyatt wins back the WWE Championship? Why is Brock Lesnar not scheduled to appear until AFTER Payback?

This ‘House of Horrors’ better be good Wyatt! We don’t have casket matches anymore! Damn…we not gonna have buried alive matches anymore… aah sh!t… I don’t think even I realised how big a retirement from the don of dons really was…

They say Jeff Hardy hasn’t been in a one-on-one match in 8 years. Yes I remember – last time, he was in a championship match against CM Princess Peach B!tch, and Jeff lost the title – if he lost – he had to leave WWE… that’s what happened and CM B!tch run him out the building… I remember cussing at him like – F**K CM P**K! It’s crazy how things change right?

See – I keep it 100 – I was NEVER a CM P**k fan. That was 2009. So you see wrestling fans… my dislike for Mr Brooks dates waaaaaay back…

While Cesaro has his dream match with Jeff Hardy… let’s give a shout out to Angela Yee… that is straight blatant outright teasing right there!

Angela Yee ice cream

Two things – One –  was the mighty RHYNO afraid of Braun Strowman?????

Two – I forgot to mention this earlier – funny how Big Show cussed out Strowman for beating on Kalisto – remember back in the day Big Show used to pick on Rey Mysterio? I suppose he learned his lesson when Mayweather f**ked him up at WrestleMania 24!

GRANT BODY-P!

Once again – The Big Show Vs Braun Strowman – come on guys – BREAK THE RING THIS TIME! One more time – we know The Big Show hasn’t got long left in his career!

Right now, according to you guys – Vincent Kennedy is jerking off until he falls out of his chair!

You mean to tell me Braun Strowman can push over an ambulance but he can’t body slam the Big Show? Oh he suplexed him? Oh ok… carry on…

This is it! HERE WE GO!!!! Or maybe not – counter technique – Strowman jumps off top ropes right into a chokeslam! And Strowman kicks out!

Strowman hits the powerslam supermove and Big Show kicked out! Come on guys – to the top ropes!

HERE WE GO! both guys battling it out! Braun jumps off the top ropes again – this time into a Sean Price punch! Strowman kicked out again! BACKSIDE! Vincent Kennedy must be a mess in the back!!!!

Booker-T said that Big Show would have to send for his big elbow off the top ropes – that was his super move back in the day – but Strowman hit the Superplex AND BRUKK THE RING!!!!! YES!!!! AND STROWMAN IS BACK ON HIS FEET! BUMBACLART!!!!!

Ok – Vincent Kennedy has officially cum. He hasn’t cum like that since he nearly got in Torrie Wilson’s panties back in 2001!

GRANT BODY-P!

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IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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Monday Night Raw #1244, March 27, 2017!!!

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SMACK TALK CENTRE – BLOW YOUR HORNS! AND SMASH SUMTHIN, CRASH SUMTHIN!

In other news: Apparently WWE are not gonna renew Eva Marie contract again… I say APPARENTLY because it come from a dirt sheet – and you know how I feel about those muthaf***az! As a journalist I believe in integrity, so I don’t read those sh!ts!

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RAW 1244! Like Michael Jackson, THIS IS IT! Big BIG WRESTLEMANIA IS AT HAND! If you are not excited by now, get the f**k off my plantation!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1243, March 20, 2017!!!

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I have handed in my Smack Talk Centre card. Only temporarily. I had to walk away from the stupidness. You guys can’t keep Paige out your mouth like Paige can’t keep d!cks out of her mouth. I look on Roy Lucier’s International Wrestling Fanbase group and I see they have kept it moving. STC still on about that ugly dutty gyal who look like she died the last week. So I had to do the right thing, and WALK AWAY.

GRANT BODY-P!

In other news: I am also disappointed in Xavier Woods. Suddenly his achievement of hitting 1 MILLION Subscribers on Up Up Down Down is over shadowed by the atrocity that is that devil you call Paige. Even Stephanie was on the show playing Streets Of Rage 2… but guys come on – Stephanie was straight FLIRTING with Xavier… now if something did happen with him and her – THAT would be worth talking about!

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RAW 1243! I am the Infamous Informer. The Day Walker. GRANT BODY-P! And I am representing MY muthaf***!N SELF. And the BDSIR NETWORK!

I got Double Choc digestive and an Uncle Nurishment on Deck. RAW GIVE ME SOME JOKE!!!!

Well… Mick Foley is still here… Brooklyn crowd chanting for him strong but don’t like the idea of him being humbled…

OH NO! Mick Foley is quitting the game and Triple TEEF is locking off his mic! Stephanie gonna come out now like – GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RING!

Stephanie looking f**kable as usual! Cue the mean slap!!!!

Now why would Sami Zayn come out now? This makes no sense?

Sami is gonna make a stand! Er… this is not very smart – you know Steph is gonna set Samoa Joe on your @$$ – then that’s a… wait – CM P**K chants! Nope – no diss this time in Stephanie!

Anyway as I was saying… WrestleMania match about to be made…

Oh that’s ok… the match is now – not WrestleMania!

Zayn is on some mad overselling from Joe!!!! LOVE IT!!!!

From this point Virgin Media cut off my services, so I can only go by what YouTube shows me.

God dayuuum – Samoa’s eyes were rolling in the back of his head when he applied the super move on Zayn! He had to tap for his own good word up!

Uh-Oh! The Docs say that Rollins is out the game! It will take months before he’s in full effect! Well the Grant says, why didn’t this happen for Danny Bryan? Why didn’t we hear from the docs via satellite? Yeah I know – #WrestlingIsStoryline – I’m smarter than you jabroni!

GRANT BODY-P!

Word on the street is a new GM will replace Mick Foley and that person could be Kurk Angle. I would love to see that 100-1000! You know why? Because he would have to work with Stephanie… and we know what happened there don’t we people!

There’s Mick hugging everybody… then there’s that dastardly TRIPLE TEEF by the exit door!!! OH NO!!!! What’s he gonna do??!!!!

Triple just smiled at him and said – HAVE A NICE DAY!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! I wasn’t expecting that! I expected Triple to brukk him up and kick him out the door!

DAYUUUM DANA BROOKE IS ALL FIST & FIRE AGAINST CHARLOTTE! SHE’S GOIN IN! Ha – better her than ME!grant-body-p

GRANT BODY-P!

So much for that – Charlotte kicked her down with those sexy long legs and strong thighs of hers and Dana was seeing lights after that!

WTF is Kendrick doing with Akira Tosawa’s passport? This is bad! Saying that – Tosawa has a bit of WWE wages now – he can buy a replacement one quick time and he should get by say…. WrestleMania???!!!

OH SNAP! Now when Jericho said he was gonna put Kevin Owens on blast, I never thought he would go back to his teenage years! KO wanting to be Jericho and all sorts! Is that a Sunny poster on his door?! Now we know how KO gets his wank on!

GRANT BODY-P!

He’s a fan of Jericho! MARKING OUT MAAAAN!!!! FANTASTIC! That’s the line of the week!

Good lord! I thought KO was the Twitter King! Private messages put on blast! How can I look at KO the same way?

OH – TEEEEEEEF!!! Kevin Owens! Samoa Joe! The new 2 man power trip!!!! Assaulting Jericho! You think Zayn will come out this time?

Nope – Joe nah touch him – Jericho tried to fight back – but KO with the Pop Up Powerbomb – BLAOW!!!!!

OH MY GOD HE RIPPED UP HE LIST!!!! SACRLIEDGE!!!! Oh man!!! This has become real personal now! If this was Game of Thrones, that would cost him his head!!!

Aaah sheeeeet they taking it back to 1997 with this Goldberg Brock Lesnar business! WWE are good with this hype sh!t but can they fool the fans a third time with these minute matches????

Well look at that! THE NEW DAY! ON THE TELLY! You muthaf***az reading the dirt sheets talking about they wouldn’t be on TV because of all the Paige sh!t… and there he is! Mr Up Up Down Down himself… maybe him getting 1 Million subscribers saved his clart after all…

I like the fact that they are all dressed properly as well… maybe Steph and Vince are in a good mood? We saw Triple earlier – he’s definitely in a good mood!

Why are the crowd chanting for that b!tch? No I don’t mean Paige – I mean CM P**k? Yo Triple – use the hammer and knock em upside the head! IDIOTS! MILLENIALS!!!

Seth Rollins! TRIPLE TEEF! Non sanctioned jump off at WrestleMania! That means Triple can use the hammer! And Seth can’t take it to Judge Judy if he gets f**ked up!

GRANT BODY-P!

The little girl who loves to hug Vs the bottom and the breasts??? Didn’t we have this match last week?

Just realised – it’s no DQ – you think Bayley knows how to swing a steel chair? That’s her best chance of winning and even then…

Oh crap – Nia heard me – she’s the one with the steel chair!!! Uh-Oh…

Bayley you silly girl! Now Nia is going to WrestleMania! Which is GOOOOOOOOOOOD! There’s my champion right there! Sasha I love you, Charlotte I wanna get in your thighs, but Nia… THERE IS MY CHAMPION RIGHT THERE!!!!

Just when it looked like Double R was gonna send the fans home bex because he was about to defeat the monster among men…. the Don of Dons appears!!!

Capacity crowd in Brooklyn chanting for the Undertaker!

Strowman tried to teef! CHOKESLAM!!!! BLAOW!!!!! Undertaker dun warned him!

But Double R caught the Undertaker with a spear!!!! Oooooooh the IWC doesn’t like that! Neither do I! It’s forbidden!!!

But the Undertaker sat right up! And slit his throat to Double R! OHH ROMAN YOU HAVE DUN IT NOW!

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IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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