REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like…Post Malone! I don’t rock his music! That’s why The Undertaker chokeslammed his blodclart!
I can see you idiots like – ‘American Bad Ass’ confirmed! YOU FOOL!
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RAW 1308! BOOKER-T IS MY NEW HERO!
Remember – I’m going by what YouTube tells me… so let’s get into it!
All Brock has to do is show up… the moment he does…. BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! But Brock ain’t afraid of anybody… is he???
Kevin Owens wants to offer congratulations! He has no choice – he can’t manage Braun! Not many can!
“At WrestleMania, when you needed a tag partner, you had to go in the crowd, and pick a 10-year-old kid…” Er Kevin… that was the point! Braun was saying he didn’t need anybody! And that’s the truth!
What is Kevin Owens up to??!!! I cannot figure it out right now!
Looks like Kevin sealed the deal! he doesn’t wanna get brukk up anymore! You think this will save him?
Strowman was gonna drop Owens with that powerslam! But Owens get life!!!
Has Jinder Mahal.. JINDER MAHAL!! Found tranquility? Inner Peace? Seems so… he defeated Chad Gable (poor soul) and felt enlightenment!
Has the B-Team become woken?? Nice touch by Bo Dallas pretending to be Wyatt… GEDDIT?
Wow! You mean Elias is actually gonna sing a full song without getting interrupted?
Dayuuum nuff WWE Superstars got that sellotape on em right? Sheeeeeeeeet WTF they be doin? Cesaro set the trend and everybody follow fashion!
Oh dear… Sasha & Bayley have started their sh!t again… these two just need some good ol’ scissor action! Either that or the tongue!
Double R could have waited until Kurt Angle addressed the Brock Lesnar situation! But wait! He’s not a good guy or a bad guy is he? He does what he wants when he wants! Sounds like somebody else we all love and adore! But that’s none of my business…
Uh-oh! Bobby Lashley is chiming in! Now this is good!!! Peeople do wanna see Lashley and Brock clash! My thing is… Braun has the briefcase… so it’s like… that black champion dream could be derailed…
So this is how it’s going! Kurt is gonna announce a multi person match for Extreme Rules… winner fights Brock at the Summerslams… as much as I want it to be Lashley… Braun has the briefcase… now – I’m all for Braun being champion… but I’d rather him cash it on anyone BUT Lashley you feel me?
Now, by doing the knowledge, those multi people could be Elias, Seth Rollins and Finn Balor… Finn NEVER lost the title. Elias just sung a song about Brock… and Seth… well I’ll get to him later!
Meanwhile The Revival are about to get dissed again as they go up against Bobby Lashley and Double R! This is not right WWE!!! The Revival is a wicked team! Why You Do This?
Check it – Lashley hit the Revival with a spear – BLAOW! That’s Double R’s super move! Well true say Lashley did it from marnin though…
Now remember why I said Seth Rollins gonna be in that match? Here’s why – he just lost his intercontinental title to a pink leggings wearing Dolph Ziggler! He can invoke his rematch clause all he wants – Drew Wackintyre will be there as well…
So essentially, Baron Corbin is the new ‘Corporate Kane’…. by that I mean – he now wrestles in his shirt and trousers! And he won as well against Finn Balor! HOLY SMOKES!
So we come to the real issue at hand… Alexa Blitch… look at her talking down to Ronda Rousey! Y’all wonder why I can’t stand Alexa! Said it before I’ll say it again – I’d get my sister to f**k her up!
This is the Ronda Rousey I like! That chick who gets bex! She just gone GHETTO GYAL on Alexa! And she attacked Kurrrrrrrrrrrrrt! OH MY GOD NOT KUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT!!
Ronda Rousey – powerbombed Alexa Blitch through the table – BLAOW!!!
Oh dear, Kurt just suspended Ronda! But in 30 days… Alexa goose COOK!!! I think we are seeing the Summerslam storyline! Ronda has gone to hone her skills! My dream came true once already when Naomi whupped Alexa’s @$$… but this time Ronda can do it! KILL THE B!TCH!
It’s gonna hurt me to say this more than it will hurt the man in question… but Aydenn Wardle: Give me your wrestling card. You are not worthy of it. You said (on a J.A.M.M.S. Podcast I might add) that if Shinsuke Nakumura lost to Jinder Mahal at Hell In A Cell, you would hand it in and not watch AJ Styles Vs Shinsuke Nakumura if it happened at WrestleMania 34. But there you are STILL watching, and STILL complaining that while Finn Balor Vs AJ Styles was a great contest (which it was), you said the TLC match itself was garbage. So ok – Strowman & Kane go through announce tables, Kurt dons the Shield gear, The Shield get double chokeslammed through tables, Braun & Kane fight amongst each other, Kane chokeslams Braun off the stage, drops 20 chairs all over him, Braun comes back – pie faces his own team, the team rush him and throw him in the dumpster truck, Kane gets double speared through the barricade, Angle comes back – drops the olympic slam on Cesaro & Sheamus (prior to that he took most of the team to suplex city) then he and The Shield completely destroy The Miz for the win and YOU SAID IT WAS GARBAGE? YOUR CARD. GIVE IT TO ME!
REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like Jeff Jarrett. When Impact Wrestling lock you off TWICE… YOU F**KED UP!
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RAW 1273! My apologies to my readers at Cage Amateurs UK: When Virgin Media pull the plug because I didn’t pay those bills, life offline is a bit lonely!
Now really and truly, I shouldn’t be watching live because I have a hospital appointment in the morning, (or rather by the time you read this I’ve already been to the hospital) but… Brock Lesnar gonna sign Jinder Mahal’s death warrant- er I mean answer the challenge for the Survivor Series!
But first – KUUUUUUURT!!! I was concerned about him at the PPV, but thank god he’s ok, he may have got put through a table by Strowman, but he’s still standing strong!
Raaaaar! It’s champion Vs champion at the Survivor Series! Plus 5 Vs 5 Tradtional Raw Vs Smackdown mens & womens matches!
Miz thinks Raw is his show? He got BUSS ARSE at the PPV! He’s more like Raw’s B!TCH!
Look at him complaining and sh!t… Kurt needs to tell him to shut the f**k up!
I know the Miz & the Bar was not gonna rush Kurt and brukk him up… thank god for the Shield! That would have been injustice right there!
Oh snap! 6 man jump off right now! The Bar/Miz face The Shield & AJ Styles! Good on this dude – he’s staying on Raw for the Monday too! Give this man MVP of the week please!
Ok guys – as much as I wanna hang around and watch RAW live, as stated above – I gotta fin my bed. I don’t wanna be walking like a zombie to the hospital tomorrow! Don’t worry – your boy is ok, just come off the medication and they are monitoring your favourite daywalker. (Very funny you think I was on medication because I don’t know my wrestling sh!t like you guys…go jerk off over Alexa Bliss…)
Ok I’m back… the hospital could have called me to tell me the good news instead of me going clean up there only to be there for 5 minutes… let’s get on with this week’s World Wrestling Federation.
I love a good old ruckus match I do! Bodies everywhere! Camera can’t keep still! I love it! Finishing with a phenomenal forearm to Cesaro’s headcrown – BLOAW! All that technical sh!t is boring – GIVE ME RUCKUS! that’s what The Shield, the Miz, the bar and The Phenomenal One did!
OH NO! IT’S KAAAAAAAANE! Should be no problem for The Shield and AJ… right??????
Is it me or can I hear fans chanting for Roman? Er – dude is sick! Mash up with meningitis and sh!t… now you cheer for him… fickle… that’s why I can’t f**k with you wrestling fans sometimes! You’re worse than a b!tch on her period!
Kane has decided to chill with us! I like how they treating his promo treatment – lighting all red, titan tron with flames and sh!t… that’s what I’m talking about!
He says he’s Raw’s original monster! I gotta agree with Kane I’m sorry! I mean yes, Strowman has pushed over ambulances, broken rings, walked out of a truck crash, nearly destroyed Brock Lesnar… but my hero Kane… he impregnated Lita, he tombstoned a priest, he electrocuted Shane’s balls, he buried his own brother alive… he’s been carried to the ring in chains once, and my personal favourite – he set people on fire for joke!
As much as I love Finn Balor, he has no chance against my hero Kane! I mean… he didn’t have to put the demon paint on against AJ Styles… but here, he’s just a man!
Finn Balor! Front drop kick to Kane to the turnbuckles! Set up for the Coup De Grace! But Kane sat right up! NO! Chokeslam off the top ropes! Balor tried to counter but the grip was too much! Chokeslam – BLOAW!
Not going for the cover! Grabs Balor by the neck again – another chokeslam – BLAOW!
NOT A THIRD!!! What did Balor do to deserve this!!! He’s a good man! CHOKESLAM – BLAOW! BACK BRUKK!!!
Emma has another chance to make Asuka see the lights for the first time in her WWE career! I’m telling you now – she needs Dana Brooke by her side again… I don’t know why they split them up in the first place…
Wait a second! Didn’t I watch Elias Samson Vs Jason Jordan already? I don’t need to see this sh!t again… hey WWE – if people missed it they can watch the PPV on the network!
Wait – I take that back – Jason Jordan coming with that ruthless aggression yo! Elias getting charged into the barricades! But Elias had to teef – he found a guitar and lick it over Jordan’s head – BLAOW!
Oh sorry guys – it was the shoulder of Jason Jordan… sorry if I got you excited for a hot minute…
GRANT BODY -P!
Drew Gulak – do not do speeches/pitches again – you sound like one of those idiots from The Apprentice!
Holy smokes Gran Metalik! He’s taken ‘walking the ropes’ to a new level hasn’t he! His athleticism is crazy!!!! He makes Super Crazy look Super Dull!
So Enzo’s crew are called ‘The Zo Train’? Sounds like a male version of the Ho train… oh wait – that IS what it is! I knew something was up with the way Enzo dressed…
“The same someone, who barely survived Randy Orton, the same soemone who barely survived Shinsuke Nakumura…” Yes boys and girls, this fool wants to test BRRRROCCCK LESSSNAR! The same dude who took Cena to SUUUUUPLEXXXXX CITTTTTY! The same dude who…(deep breath) broke the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania, The same someone who has conquered Samoa Joe, Braun Strowman, and Goldberg… somebody order a straight jacket for Jinder Mahal NOW!
Look at Brock – he’s laughing! Pacing up and down like – “a wha dis bwoy gwarn on wid eh?”
“When we think of WWE Champions, we think of Bruno Sammartino, Nagoh Kluh, Macho Man Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and BRRRROOCCCK LESSSSNAR!!!!”
Er Heyman, what about Stone Cold Steve Austin? The Rock? The UNNNNDERRRTAYYYKERR? DISRESPECT!
I’ve come to the conclusion that Alexa Bliss is UGLY. YEAAAAH I SAID IT! I’m actually taking a good look at her – look at the amount of make up the b!tch got on! She that b!tch that when you put it in you think it’s the best sex ever, your eyes are watering, you are crying out like Lexington Steele, you reach the point of no return, buss your nut, go to sleep, wake up the next day to say good morning to her and JESUS CHRIST – she looks like Sister Abigail and sh!t!
080915, Atlanta, GA: Marcus Ross (cq) and the Beulahland Bible Church choir of Macon, Ga. perform in the “How Sweet The Sound” regional church choir competition at Philips Arena on September 15, 2008. “I felt like a star on stage,” Ross said.MIKKI K. HARRIS / firstname.lastname@example.org
I will agree with the b!tch though, y’all wrestling fans is GAY. You chant ‘This is awesome’ when AJ Styles and Finn Balor stare each other in the face, but when Alexa and Mickie James sexy @$$ is on you sit there contemplating a toilet break…
Speaking of Mickie James – DAYYUUUUUUUUM! How did she get that in those jeans! Look at the high heels! Hold up – kick to the gut – tornado DDT in those heels! BLAOW! YES! Alexa Bliss deserved that sh!t!
Ok – Alicia Fox Vs Bayley vs Sasha – winner gets to be team captain for the women’s RAW team – Well The Grant Says – why is this even a question? Sasha is THE BOSS – she is a leader – not a follower! This match should not be taking place!
Actually I would love Alicia to be the captain – she is giving me joke ringing the bell like that! This ain’t Game of Thrones Alicia?!
OH SH!T!!! Alicia IS EL CAPITAIN!!! This is gonna be great! I LIKE THIS!
Hold up – Shane McMahon and the Smackdown brand? they think they are The Shield now coming down the stairs? They can’t be here???!!! What is this!
OH SNAP! UNDER SIEGE????!!! They brukk up the Titus Brand!
I can see Mr Strong Style there! He can take on the whole Raw Roster if he wanted to!
WROOOOOOY!!! THE LADIES ARE GOING AT IT! YES! PULL EACH OTHER’S WEAVE OUT!
Dean Ambrose said The Shield can take on the world – well how about half the Smackdown roster? Steel chairs in hand! Where’s Jim Ross when you need him?!
OH MY GOD THEY GOT KURT!!!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! HE’S INNOCENT!
HOLY SMOKES!!! You know Kurt ain’t gonna take this lying down! He’s gonna call his squad… and if he brings Kane and Strowman…. all I’m saying is – DON’T HURT MY NAOMI! OR ELSE!!!!
She ain’t got no Money In The Bank She be walkin round actin all stank Now she at the party lookin at me Hopin she could get saved by me I’m lookin at her like I ain’t tryin to save that girl (NO SIR!!!!) I ain’t tryin to save that girl (NO SIR!!!) I ain’t tryin to save that girl She got her hand open like I’m finna pay that girl!
In other news, Insane Championship Wrestling is coming to Smack Talk Centre’s home town of Wolverhampton Nov 4… well THE GRANT SAYS HE’S NEVER GOING! Y’all can enjoy yourselves…I don’t support that narstyness, one man take out his tings and put it in next man face and jerk it at the crowd, me nah pay mi munny to see a man privates! NO SAH!
RAW #1203! It’s about that time again people! THE RAW BEFORE MUNNY INNAH BANK! I GOT MY PEANUTS AND ICE CREAM… LET’S DO THIS SH!T!!!
It’s been called the biggest Money In The Bank this year???? I know they have to hype it up but that’s huge! Considering how the 2011 one was built up! It was like WWE was facing an apocalypse!
The New Day might be an addict for sneakers but I’m not so sure they can run through Enzo & Cass, the Vaudevillians and the Bullet Club so easy!
This is what we came to see! The New Day in a verbal sword skills contest against Enzo & Cass!
Enzo can’t talk about ‘Francesca’ like that???? She ain’t a slut like Stephanie????? Did someone throw the PG rating out the window?
I find it amusing how the Vaudevillians claim they are ‘quite manly’ when their wrestling attire looks too tight….!!
Did I just hear the bullet club be branded ‘SAWFT’???? I think I did! Do these guys know who they are talking to? They put the Japanese wrestlers on notice!
The New Day… 295 days as World Wrestling Federation tag team champions! They hang on another month, and they beat the record of Brian Kendrick & Paul London! With that said, I’m backing New Day ALL THE WAY at the Munny Innah Bank!
Sometimes it shows that too much clowning doesn’t win you matches… Bullet Club – the only serious tag team, hit Kingston with the Magic Killer – BLAOW! BALL GAME!
This week! In the Ambrose Asylum – Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns! The Shield reunited! Well sort of… this segment right here could tell the story!
Now some of you wrestling fools actually made a meme and it looked like this:
See this is why you fans are NOT GOOD BOOKERS. You are NOT GOOD BUSINESS PEOPLE. Seth & Roman are in a feud currently for the World Wrestling Federation Championship this Sunday with Deano possibly in the middle. So how the f**k are the Shield on the same page? A match of this magnitude should be saved for a Summerslam or more likely Survivor Series…USE YOUR BRAAAAAAAAINNN!!!!
Oh HELL NO! What is Ka- er I mean Glenn doing in his Sunday School trousers???? Actually he gave me joke – he gave Shane a letter of recommendation from The Undertaker????!!!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH NOW THAT’S FUNNY!
Oh dear! Rusev with an ambush attack on Titus! He’s tryna take Titus out the game early! He put the belt in Titus face like ‘you never gonna get this sh!t!’ THAT’S how to build a US Title match!
Ok let’s reunite The Shield!!!! Er… sort of!
Looks like Seth is not such a party pooper after all! He brought up all the good times! Got the crowd chanting Boo-tista, all sorts of sh!t!
Seth is giving Roman props! Why can’t you fans give him props! And Seth keeps it 100!
Great comeback promo by Roman!!!! You still not gonna give him props?
Even Deano just hit them with the warning! He could cash in his cheque and beat the both of em! He just hit the Dirty Deeds on Roman – BLAOW! Your dream match could well happen this Sunday at the Munny Innah Bank! It ain’t my dream match… my dream match happened April 1, 2012 in Miami FLORIDA! And it involved a special referee, a Cell and a man I hated in the attitude era and a man who is and always will ne the don of DONS!
More flirting between Deano & Stephanie!!!! If anything happens… Renee Young… you know where to find me! On di twitter! @MZATheInfamous!
Question – if Paige keeps yelling ‘THIS IS MY HOUSE!’, does she pay the rent on that wrestling ring? Answers On A Postcard please!
OH SNAP!!!! Paige just pinned Charlotte! Right after Dana Brooke threw Charlotte’s fine self back in the ring! Get Paige a title match against Charlotte on Smackdown and make Paige lose! I wanna see Charlotte break the record of 301 days damnit! Then, I’ll long d!ck her, and break her ovaries!
MUNNY INNAH BANK JUMP OFF MATCH! Sheamus Vs Apollo Crews! But Sheamus, kick down Wack Ryder’s teeth so far down his throat that Wack Ryder can’t say WOO WOO WOO any more!
Apollo Crews just rushed Sheamus!!!! He went in and beat out his blodclart!
Good lord what a counter technique into a sunset flip pin by Zayn! Even Cesaro wasn’t ready for that sh!t! Now to those who say wrestling is ‘dying’, get out the attitude era and shut the f**k up! In fact go to your room! Go and watch E3 or something…
FOR REAL???? This match is 15 years in the making? THE WWE GUY VS THE TNA GUY! It’s a contract signing!!! WrestleMania quality according to Mike Cole! Yeah man forget Las Vegas, let’s go back to Dallas Texas! Fill that muthaf***a up to 100,000+ again! Let’s do this WrestleMania 32.5 sh!t!!! Cena mentioning all other promotions where Styles won more than 15 championships! All we need is Undertaker! Brock Lesnar! Triple TEEF! The Rock! Goldberg!
Oh snap! There are two contracts… if AJ Styles signs the one with The Club at ringside… but he would be a member of the B!TCH CLUB! Cena you outta order & bright!
WHOA! AJ STYLES claims he would have been the man if he was in the WWE 15 years ago! I’m not so sure AJ because that dirty Triple Teef was the champ with Evolution! You probably would have been on Smackdown or something! You gotta keep it real yo!
Check it out! If Kevin Owens and Bertie cannot co-exist, then the Lucha Dragons would take their place in the munny innah bank ladder match! Oh well Lucha fans, you can have hope right?
Hang on – Kevin Owens was gonna walk out the match? I thought he wanted the briefcase? every week he’s like – That’s MY CONTRACT!
So hold on… Zayn is on commentary, Kevin Owens wants in, Bertie finds himself as timekeeper, so does that make Cesaro the special guest referee for this Deano vs Jericho match?
Nope – he gonna be the ring announcer… No Shane!!!! Referee would have been so much better!
Looks like Glenn is out of the running to run Smackdown as well… I don’t know why Shane didn’t put the testicle incident behind him – he’s a proud father of three isn’t he???
Kevin Owens chatting a bit too much, and Deano slaps the headphones off Owens headtop!
We knew ruckus would break loose, but Cesaro is a joker isn’t he? fighting in his good suit and dark glasses like his name is Agent Smith!
Meanwhile Jericho climbs the ladder and claims the briefcase! Problem is, it was on RAW… YOU STUPID IDIOT!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
you’re the best! Around! Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down You’re the Best! Around! Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down You’re the Best! Around! Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own!!!!
I stand before you a man with a headache. You know those headache’s you actually enjoy, because you just celebrated history been made. Leicester’s premiership victory was like the Karate Kid fairytale. It was like the Redman & Method Man concert in Birmingham O2 Institute last week. It was like The Undertaker when he hit 21-0 against CM Princess Peach B!tch… (the sweetest streak victory in my opinion!) You know the women of Leicester are getting the most sex this week!
In other news, Roman Reigns is STILL your World Wrestling Federation Champion! And oh yeah – SHUDDUP!
RAW #1197! By the way did I mention The Ryback is my favourite wrestler now??? HAHAHAHAHA GRANT BODY-P!
Stephanie you sexy as f**k but what’s in the bag? You bought the Infamous Informer something? a PS4 with Street Fighter V? You’re too kind!
Oh it’s for Shane… oh snap it’s that picture frame that Vincent Kennedy broke! Sheeeet – hang it up Shane (the picture that is!)
I don’t exactly understand why Kevin Owens wants to re-focus on the Intercontinental Championship… at the same time, I understand that Money Innah Bank soon come.
Where are the Gucci shoes Mr Cesaro??? Aaah sh!t he makes a case about been screwed out the Intercontinental Championship! LET’S DO THIS SH!T! Winner becomes #1 contender!
Don’t start the match yet – let me grab my pizzas from out the oven!
Oh dear – if The Miz & Maryse are gonna be so annoying at ringside, then no wonder Kevin Owens and Cesaro had to uppercut the glasses off Miz’s Money Maker! Sami Zany gets involved, then holds the Intercontinental Title in the air, and the spirit of Danny Bryan is felt in St Louis!
Meanwhile…Stephanie McMahon is seen flirting with Deano… and in the Ambrose Asylum… she says Deano can ask her anything… ANYTHING??? Deano rustling his hands like ‘now you’re talking’! GOD DAYUUUUUM! The first question I’d ask her.. is ‘can I get some pu$$y???’
Oh hell naw they gonna team R-Truth with Tyler Battybwoy? I’m surprised Goldust doesn’t fancy him… Oh no he found a tag team partner… what a downgrade… Fandango went from Summer Rae… to an upgrade in Layla (which I might add – got Fandango on my bad side eternally) to Rosa Mendes, to Goldust???? This is the part where I take a long sheeeeet!
You can watch this video while I’m gone…
Yeah I know… random…
Due to Enzo being shut down temporarily, Big Cass becomes a New Day member for the week! That is cool! Now beat down these Vaudevillian fools! (the Dudley Boyz are not fools though…) It is a real shame that the tournament sponsored by Booty-Os got shut down like that.
This match is cool but where’s my favourite wrestler – The Ryback????!!!!
You know it would have been a mark out moment if Roman Reigns said ‘The question is, can the three of you take on the three of us?’ And instead of the Usos, Rollins and Ambrose appeared… but that can wait!
Oh snap! I wasn’t gonna write about this but Emma defeated Becky Lynch! WHOA! They are really changing sh!t up aren’t they!
HERE WE GO!!!!! This is what I came to see! Nope – not Ric Flair – not the Ryback – but the Ambrose Asylum! Do us proud Deano! Ask Steph the dirtiest questions!!!
Maybe he won’t… I mean… Renee Young though… and she wears a B.I.G. t-shirt…
Hmmm why is Stephanie acting so nice all of a sudden???? And is Deano playing mind games here?
Oh snap! Stephanie can’t cancel the Ambrose Asylum???? And she brought back the Highlight reel? But Steph – Jericho cusses you on a regular basis! Er… I don’t understand this!
FOR REAL! Titus O’Neill is back! He won’t touch Vincent Kennedy again! And there’s no League of Nations! and Baron Corbin enters the arena! There’s my champion! It would have been Titus but…
Battle Royal US title jump off! Winner fights Kalisto!
Hold up – Apollo Crews is in there! Er… I change my pick!
Wait a minute – Corbin is eliminated by Ziggler, and Apollo Crews eliminated by Sheamus… that makes things interesting!
Oh dear! Zack Ryder getting stamped out by the… can I call em League of Nations??? I could for about 20 seconds!
Ryder & Rusev – last guys in the battle royal! COME ON RUSEV! Don’t let this fool win! Rusev has DONE IT! Here comes Lana with her sexy @$$! Get back the title and start the second reign of terror!
Calling it now – Rusev defeats Kalisto… then John Cena comes back on Memorial Day because Lana & Rusev start calling the crowd ‘Stupid Americans!’ Just like that – Cena drops the AA on Rusev again and then the John Cena invitational starts again! Remember I told ya!
OH NO! Turns out that Charles Robinson is apart of the Flair family! Lil’ Naitch! TEEEEEEEEF!!! It all comes together now! There’s something about that leggy Charlotte… ah that’s right – it IS her legs! You know I have a weakness for women with long legs! I gotta a song for you Charlotte and your long legs… it goes a lil something like this… bring your sexy legs here…
She keeps looking at me So now she gon’ get it She want it And by the wonderful moaning That makes a beautiful night, baby What a beautiful life, baby!
Uh oh – somebody is bex! I don’t think Nattie has come out to ch… or maybe she has… oh no she’s out to cuss Ric! Take it easy Nattie!
Why has Ric Flair took off his jacket???!!!! NO! Nattie put Ric in the sharpshooter! Watch his ticker! Because when the clock goes tick…
I smell an I Quit match between Nattie & Charlotte at the Extreme Rules joint! Don’t you!
Ok – I can ryde to a submission match… but Ric Flair banned from ringside? No Stephanie that’s preposterous! You need to re-think this!
Ok main event jump off! The Roman Empire Vs The Bullet Club! AAHHH SH!T It’s about to go down!
Bullet Club wins the ruckus! But Styles ain’t tryna use the steel chair! But he used it on the Usos! Roman saw it! Oh dear Styles you gonna get f**ked up!
OH SNAP!!! Roman sets Styles up, powerbomb through the table! BLAOW!!!! GOOD LORD! You don’t f**k with Roman’s fam!
Roman haters I put this to you… If you saw somebody beating on your family, would you or would you not snap and beat out that person’s blodclart? If you still boo Roman – YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!
SALUTE. GRANT BODY-P!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
First the king, then the queen, now the prince it’s hard to go to sleep,
Me and ‘Mrs Jones’ don’t have a thing going on I can’t go to sleep…
Shout out to ‘Mrs Jones’… she knows who she is… hell, she’s not even a wrestling fan so she won’t be reading this… but STC’s Susan Brunton might have an idea who she is, hell – she was in her class back in school days… I’m just thinking back 20 years ago how things might have been in an alternate world… the way we were?? Me & ‘Mrs Jones’ would have at least 6 kids by now!
In other news, fans are anticipating how RAW is gonna start this week… will we see a video package dedicated to Chyna? Will the bell toll 10 times? Or will it just be one screen saying Joanie Laurer 1969 – 2016… whatever WWE does, it’s bound to be met with scrutiny…
RAW #1196! It’s a Great Day In the Mourning! TIME TO GET PAYBACK!
Whoa… no 10 bell salute… yo my hands are clean, maybe it’s a good idea to turn off every notification in wrestling groups… yep… I have assignments to complete! And I will have seen Method Man & Redman live…
So much for ‘not sticking around’… see that’s what happens when you believe the dirty dirt sheets! Shane gonna jump off the show!
UH-OH!!!! Look who is here! Stephanie!!!! Oh no… don’t tell me she gonna be like ‘get the hell out of my ring!!!!’
Oh no! Stephanie is a Hartford baby!!! Put some respeck on her name!!!!
Vincent Kennedy is gonna decide if Shane or the Authority gonna run RAW! Oh no… that Triple TEEF is gonna come back with his hammer at the Payback joint!
SWITCH! Shane sent security after Stephanie and dashed her out the building! yes he can so that – he’s still in charge at least til Payback!
So good to hear Sheamus music entrance again… unless they can turn this League of Nations rubbish around then I say shut it down…
Catch the outfits of Gallows & Anderson! They mean business!!!! Someone getting f**ked up on RAW I can assure you!
OH NO! The New Day quoted Birdman and Prince! Leave it to the hottest faces in the company! Wait a minute – the Vaudevillians say they gonna party like it’s 1899???? They can’t do that! I bet Enzo & Cass gonna party like it’s 2099! And you can’t teach that muthaf***a!
Look at The New Day loving this!!!! Doesn’t matter who wins…. the fans win here!!!
Ok Usos… you guys are great and always are… but the Bullet club mans are gonna destroy you! My advice…Just stick and move… wear them down… use the distraction roll up and get the f**k outta there!
What do I know? I’m just a fan who has never laced a pair of boots and always got food by my side watching this wrestling sh!t on a computer! The difference between me & you? I make this look good!
“They (Gallows, Anderson, AJ Styles) were part of a ‘club’ down there (Japan)”… that’s it go ahead and complain that Mike Cole is told not to address them as the ‘bullet club’! Knock yourself out! I should be watching this match examining their fighting style, and there is ‘bullet club’ chants from the Hartford Connecticut crowd!
The Bullet Club, ready to finish the Uso brudda… and Roman Reigns came through and rushed the ring! He’s still about that injustice!
***the remainder of this blog will be caught up on WWE.Com, since the stream decided to f**k up… and that’s not good… I got such a busy week! Yes it’s assignment week, and you know how that is!***
Check it out! Lana is back with Rusev at ringside! But now I’m playing catch up, so answers on a postcard please – did Lana tell the fans to SHUT-TUP??? Did she signal for the Rusev Crush? And did she do this pictured below?
Because if she didn’t… that’s why Rusev lost to Sami Zayn!!!! Sorry Melina, you have been dethroned as the most flexible woman in WWE history!
I’m sorry, I just can’t help but think that Stardust Vs Apollo Crews is this generation’s Goldust Vs Ahmed Johnson…
…and if you remember that feud… you would be glad that the product today is now PG!
GRANT BODY -P!
“What do I do? I win matches, I make history, I demand respect…” Sounds like Jericho is on that delusional birdbwoy sh!t too!
Dean Ambrose should kneel down and kiss Jericho’s $1500 boots? One, the boots look bruk down, my trainers are in better condition! And I’ve had them for two years! And two, this ain’t 1995 fool!!!
Well Jericho demanded an apology right? Well in true WWE Attitude style (gasp!! he said it!! -) Get over yourself jabroni – Deano apologized for whuppin Jericho’s @$$!
THE WALLS OF JERICHO ON THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! THE WALLS OF JERICHO ON THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! Ooooooh that’s gotta be extra painful I mean… it’s on the ANNOUNCE TABLE! Quick! Call the ambulance to come and pick up the people!
HAHAHAHAHA That dutty Ric Flair! He likes what he sees! And I’m not talking about the wrestling contest! I’m talking about Emma! He looks like he wants some of that flamin’ gallar!
GRANT BODY -P!
Natalya makes Emma tap out to the sharpshooter! Charlotte doesn’t look impressed! I’ll tell who does look impressed – RIC FLAIR! Not only does he want the flamin gallar, he wants some Canadian Maple Syrup!!!!
I’m calling it now – The Miz & Rusev will feud somwhere down the road. The fact of the matter is this – we all love Lana. Lana & Rusev gonna turn face at some point remember I told ya… if Maryse is looking to get physical I can definitely see it coming…
“I am used to being criticized by the faceless, nameless, anonymous internet trolls and tough guys…” WHOA!!!!! Mike Mizanin I’m gonna put some RESPECK ON YOUR NAME!
So Cesaro thinks he’s some James Bond figure? The women love the Swiss Superman! I think it’s cheesy (oh wait – get it!!!) but hey… it works so run with it!
These guys using cheesy movie quotes and sh!t! They would have fit well at WrestleMania 21… All those classic movie sketches they did? That was cool… even Undertaker did one!
AAAAAH SH!T I was hoping Cesaro would havbe took the challenge! Could he giant swing The Miz with Maryse laid on top of him sideways??? Best save that for WrestleMania 33 right??!!!
Haha Cesaro held the IC belt high, gave it back to Maryse, left the rng and fixed his jacket! SUPERB!
Before we head into Roman Reigns Vs Bertie, let’s take a look at Chyna’s career…
Big respect to Chyna, she set off a lot of sh!t broke down walls… I mean, first Royal Rumble entrant as a female, first female intercontinental champion… and she re-invented the kick in the d!ck (Shout out to STC’s Nicola Hardwick!) If only Chyna kicked death in the d!ck…
Roman Reigns shows that distraction roll ups don’t work on him! Sorry Bertie, the Bullet Club’s appearance is not enough! Use all your skills!
Where the Uso’s at???? Get out here and help your cuzo! Yo Jimmy! Send Naomi to me I GOT THIS!
This is so interesting! AJ Styles is like – nah nah I got this! But Roman is keeping his wits about him! Superman Punch to Styles – BLAOW! Bullet Club back in… putting the beatdown to Reigns, then Styles comes through with the phenomenal forearm – BLAOW!
OH SNAP! I think Finn Balor trolled you jabronies! Lost his title and told you ‘see you Monday…’ so there you were jerking off and look what happen! He could have meant another NXT signing! He could have meant see you down at the coffee shop! He could have meant – see you at O2 Academy Birmingham for the Redman & Method Man show!
SALUTE. GRANT BODY-P!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
However fans still have hope… why? Because after Mark Henry, it is very difficult to tell if a retirement is real. Mark Henry raised the bar in 2013. Plus, Daniel Bryan recently released a commercial about how he overcame adversity. Also it’s strategy to get those ratings up too for everybody to tune in.
On the other hand… his recent picture of him in a restaurant shows him sporting a trimmed beard… which indicates he finally got in the chair after Vincent Kennedy yelled at him to do so. That’s what he’s known for… #RespectTheBeard right? So why has he trimmed it???
If the retirement is true… it’s gonna be as heartbreaking as Edge’s retirement was…
RAW #1185! I am the Infamous Informer, I promise I won’t cry, unless it’s the lord’s name in vain if I was in bed with YOU KNOW WHO!
Aaah sh!t this is how it starts…. A Danny Bryan tribute video… this is a sad day for wrestling fans, particularly those on the internet… their darling is about to leave the building…
Daniel Bryan chants already… maybe he shouldn’t have announced it on twitter… this could potentially f**k up RAW…
We gonna start this sh!t with a contract signing… I think we should get all this wrestling sh!t over with and leave Danny til last… because as soon as he comes out, nothing else matters…
Well Roman is right, let’s get this over with as Deano wants to punch Brock in the mouth corner…
Oh dear that didn’t go to well – Ambriose steps up to Brock, F5 to Ambrose – BLAOW!!!! Then Triple’s music hit… Brock on one side of the ramp, Triple on the stage, staring each other down… Aaah sh!t it’s about to go down!
And before this blog is finalisd and sent out to Fox Sports 1340am Hopewell, and Cage Amateurs UK, Deano swears he gonna get Brock Lesnar and mash him up!! Yo Deano… take a steel chair with you!
What? Owens Vs Ziggler AGAIN???? What is this the 3rd match in a row??? That’s it – I’m DUN… show me something different! Fight backstage, get the cars out have a good old parking lot brawl… I’m not watching this wrestling sh!t!
Here’s a pic of Gabi/Raquel… for NO REASON!
Just think… Gabi could have been on Total Divas… but WWE chose another blondie… as much as I hate Paige, she is right – that Mandy better know how to wrestle… because Gabi got dissed for Mandy… y’all upset about Danny retiring… I’m still comprehending this!
The only thing good about that match was Ziggler using the ropes to get the win over Owens, and Owens acting a b!tch all over the ring!
Aaaah sh!t! Usos Vs The New Day in a tables match… NO…. SAVE THE TABLES!!!
Er… Bubba – you are DEAD WRONG about the WWE Universe not liking The New Day… but now you want to involve the tables in this??? No… is that petition still going??? Please! Anything but this! Put Lana on a pole – anything but TABLES!!! NO!!!
Official – Charlotte defends her World Wrestling Federation Divas Championship against Brie Bella… but with Danny Bryan retiring… will this have a profound effect on the outcome of the match? I still see Charlotte retaining…and my Sasha Banks theory stands…
I love supporting my black wrestlers but I can’t ride with Alicia Fox again – Charlotte – mash her up! I respect Alicia’s tenure and her role in the company but that’s about it..
Look at Ric Flair… you know he’s itching to cause trouble… now Flair, keep your hands to yourself… I know Brie is fine as a muthaf***a!
Charlotte looked like she was gonna figure 8 the weave out of Alicia!
GRANT BODY – P!!
Big up AJ Styles! He kicked down The Miz in his money maker! Knocked his teeth into his throat! And yet, The Miz continues to run his mouth…
OH SH!T! Jericho just came through and changed sh!t! F**K MizTV, no one likes that sh!t! Send for the Jeritron 65000!
Miz – you still here??? Jericho – kick him in his mouth already!
Has Miz made a valid point though? That it’s burning Jericho’s soul like Ether that AJ Styles defeated him in a wrestling contest?
Meanwhile, turns out it will be an 8-man tables match… The Dudley Boyz join The Usos, The New Day gotta find somebody else to join them… any takers?
Well, seems like you wrestling jabronies like Ryback in his new attire… you like his brief… I hear the Goldberg chants which don’t help either… The Infamous Informer does not give a f**k about his attire… what’s the saying – you cannot polish a turd?
I’m playing – I like the Ryback… always have from the jump. I still believe he can make it back to main event status… just like I do with Wade Barrett.
See what I mean? You cannot polish a turd! Ryback cannot manage the Wyatt bwoy dem… now they gonna harvest him… unless Big Show & Kane combine their force!
OH MY DAYS BIG E JUST KILLED IT! The New Day, working on the tables… Big E… singing like it’s the slavery days! Like it’s 1555!!!! Then Renee Young just had to show up showing legs and sh!t asking if they found a 4th partner… OHHHHHHH! She is sexy as f**k and she knows it!
It’s a shame The New Day are not continuing the #SaveTheTables campaign…
Social Outcasts Vs Titus…. ok let’s switch to babestation let’s see who’s on to entertain me…
You guys like Hannah Martin? She aiiiight…. she’s not quite ‘Charmaine Sinclair’ for me though… I like older women…
Dayuuuum Ambrose is going in!!! Calling him SAWFT???? Saying his F5 was ‘nothing?’ good lord! This reminds me of Jeff Hardy and The Undertaker in a way… Jeff didn’t stop at The Undertaker until Big Evil had to respect him!
It’s like Ambrose put a red ring over his own head and now it’s the Rage of Lesnar on some God Of War sh!t!
Reigns music hits! Reigns is just sauntering… Ambrose recovers enough to punch Lesnar right in ‘Minnesota’! Oh man…
Why is Ambrose f**k!n with someone who broke the streak??? Who destroyed John Cena to the point Cena cannot main event ever again?
By the way – who was it who said Bertie was injured? Aaah never mind F**k all that – Shout out to the Wrestling Summit – they have something important they need to say…
Love the Lucha Dragon, Love Bertie & Rusev… but this has come to my attention…
I haven’t done a wrestling video blog in months, but I can see myself doing one of these when it’s Undertaker’s time…
Holy f**k – SASHA BANKS! Those hot pants, knee high boots, she might have beaten Bayley at Mortal Kombat but I’d love for her to try and ‘beat’ me!!!
Oh man… the match at Fast Lane gonna break my heart… Sasha & Becky Vs Naomi & Tamina… Sorry Sash but Naomi is the love of my wrestling life… whoever loses – I WIN…
OH NO! The New Day got Mark Henry to join them??? Er.. It’s gonna be curtains for the Dudleys and Usos now!
For real? What started as a ‘botch’ from Lillian Garcia, now they are riding with it? I guess the Uso Brudda ARE grammy award winners!
Oh dear! Bossing Mark Henry about is something you don’t do! Mark Henry’s like – F**K IT! ME GONE! New Day goose cook!
WHOA!!! Dudley Boyz turned EVIL!!!! They just put the Uso Brudda through a table!!! Bu-bu-bu-BUT!!!!!
This is it people…. AHH MAN, HOW DO WE SAY GOODBYE… IT’S ALWAYS THE GOOD ONES THAT HAVE TO…
He’s holding back the tears here…just let it out Danny it’s ok… I cry, you cry, we cry, together… shout out to Lil Mo and Ja Rule…
Ok he cut his hair for the purpose of a cancer fund… so respect is due there… it wasn’t for you Vincent Kennedy!
DYAM DUTTY!!! Even in sadness Danny got jokes!!! Everybody with the Yes chant… Danny says – ‘that’s what Brie says all the time!’
Danny gives shout outs to Kane, William Regal, and especially Connor The Crusher. Where is he when we need him? He’s the only guy who can beat TRIPLE TEEF!
That’s it. Daniel Bryan’s wrestling career is over. That means NO wrestling anywhere else, it’s not a work, none of that sh!t. TAKE A BOW DANIEL BRYAN. WE ARE GRATEFUL.
SALUTE. GRANT BODY-P!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
Before we go any further I would like to wish the man himself a great birthday. Happy Birthday to Wolverhamptons Finest
Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!
I wanna take this time and say THANK YOU to the Celtic Warrior Sheamus, who happily volunteered to take the Infamous Informer’s Birthday beatings for him! I gotta give him props, he took those suplexes like a boss… and put up a good fight in the process! Since the day Sheamus eliminated Dolph Ziggler out the Royal Rumble a year or so ago, that man can do nothing wrong in my eyes! Gratitude is infinite Sheamus!!
My facebook has blown up. My twitter has blown up. my phone has been firing all day. Yes! It is The Infamous Informer’s 36th Birthday! Do you think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself?
GRANT BODY -P!
RAW #1181! LAYDEEZ! SHOE THE BIRTHDAY BOY YOUR T!TT!£$!!!
Aaaaah sh!t every superstar out on stage! And Vincent Kennedy’s music hits! Look at The New Day! They’re dancing to the theme music! Everyone else standing up straight!
See this is history right here… because the first time, the title was vacant. This time, Roman is defending the title. NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. Hold up!!!! Roman coming down the stairs!!!
Roman believes he can win! Well I would! Roman eliminated the most people! He won the rumble last year (yeah I see your blood about to boil…you really need to let bygones be bygones!)
So this is how it goes down – Vincent Kennedy is putting Roman to the test! In a 1…Vs All match… you mean like, the whole roster are gonna rush Roman Reigns??? The only man who may not have to be in it is Deano… who got blindsided by my hero Sheamus! Their contest starts now!
Sheamus looks like he never met Brock Lesnar! I know the house shows don’t exactly count… but Sheamus looks like he just won the powerball!
Clearly these two love to fight… there will be no contest today!!! Was Sheamus busted open? Irrelavant – Kevin Owens rushed Ambrose!
I apologise for I was meant to writ the SmackDown Blog last week, Kevin Owens and Ambrose had an Intercontinental title match, and by the looks of things… that didn’t go anywhere… to quote STC’s Aydenn Wardle… It HAS to be a falls count anywhere thing or something at the Rumble… don’t talk to me about a single match… these two wanna destroy each other – not use headlock takeovers and fireman’s carry and sh!t! You wanna see that – the highly credited WrestleKingdom 10 is on YouTube now – I can say this – I haven’t got time to watch that sh!t!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
The situation may change again!!!! Whoever wins the Royal Rumble, becomes the World Wrestling Federation Champion… but also faces BRRRROCCCCK LESSSSNAR??!!!! Assuming the haters are right… are WWE trying to cook a Reigns vs Lesnar II? But with the roles reversed??? Vincent kennedy doesn’t like the idea… suddenly I don’t think I would wanna win the Rumble now!!!
You know… considering that, Undertaker in the main event of the very first RAW, and sharing a birthday with Mary J Blige… The Infamous informer has always been a ‘blessed’ man… ask your woman…
GRANT BODY – P!!!
This Highlight Reel should be off the hook!!!! The New Day as the guests?? Y2J got lyrics to go??? He just called em – Green Day???
Aaaah sh!t – Jericho got the Jeritron 65000! what happened to the last one? Oh yeah Jericho broke his own sh!t putting Shawn Michaels head through it!!!
Jericho claims to win the Rumble!!! I suggest you reconsider Jericho… Brock might already be at WrestleMania waiting…
The New Day are here! They wouldn’t break the Jeritron gidgets gadgets would they???
And Hold up – The Uso brudda???!! New Day bex they not the tag team of the year – I don’t blame em… that Save The Tables campaign went in vain… Look at the Usos flashing the awards in New Day’s face… come on guys! Power of positivity! don’t be bex – that’s negative vibes!!!
That’s the spirit Xavier! Play that Trombone! But playing it in Jericho’s face??? er…not a good idea! Did you see how Xavier ran a mile after jericho scared him hahahaha!
Xavier tried to teef! But Jericho picked up the trombone… and committed the most abomidable of all sins – he broke the trombone!!! How could he do something like that???
WHOA! Vincent Kennedy sticking to his guns! He refuses to let Heyman and Lesnar have their way! Ok this just got interesting…
Big ups to Sting! First entrant in the Hall Of Fame 2016! But some of you jabronies say he doesn’t deserve it… well THE GRANT SAYS – you don’t deserve that large pizza you just got while you sitting on your @$$! You fat f**k – you broke your New Years Resolution already!
I don’t know where these Social Outcasts are going! Y’all better start fighting for your contracts – let alone fight the Wyatts!
Backside! just before the Wyatts was about tto f**k up these fools… The Ryback comes out like – don’t f**k with me! The question remains – they got Big Show too – why didn’t he come out after the Wyatt man dem?
Kalisto – YOUR TIME NOW! Can you mash up Bertie for the World Wrestling Federation for the US Title?
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
The realization just hit me. Next Monday… It’s the Infamous Informer’s birthday! LAYDEEZ!!! Show Mike Dogg your t!tt!£$!! I think I should have a week off don’t you? F**k that – I GOTTA WORK! I want to continue entertaining you readers! But I warn you.. if you don’t see next week’s blog for some reason… that’s because either Jimmy Uso gave Naomi her ‘free pass’ or… The Infamous Informer is sexing your chick while you’re complaining on the internet about Roman Reigns!
GRANT BODY -P!
RAW #1180! LETS GET THAT 2016 FLOW! HOL’DAT – BLAOW!
Well Stephanie doesn’t look too happy… but look who’s waiting at the stairs! Roman Reigns! Stephanie is talking calm… oooooooooh…that’s not good! She says she gonna make him suffer and fight for no reason until his body is destroyed! Roman says he’s gonna put a 70 year old man in Vincent Kennedy in the hospital if he f**ks with his title!!!! The question is out there!!! What is gonna happen in the title match? The Grant says this… it looks like Roman gonna f**k up Vincent Kennedy… but TRIPLE TEEF comes back… and USES DA HAMMER!!! That’s why Stephanie is talking so calm! WATCH DA RYDE!
Oh snap! Neville Vs Kevin Owens again??? AAAH yeah again and again! Will Neville neat Owens again in record time? If he does he’d better run like he should have done last week! But wait! Ambrose is at ringside… maybe Neville doesn’t need to run!
Say what???? Brock Lesnar returns on the Infamous Informer’s Born day??? Sh!t… I don’t want birthday suplexes! I bet it was you internet b!tches told him about me…
What a nasty Spike DDT from the top rope from Owens! Neville neck should have broke! SH!T! But Neville was fist and fire all over Owens! mash-up ribs and all!
Kevin Owens is STILL DA MAN! Neville did the right thing this time… just take the loss, Owens will show mercy….
Ooops! maybe not! Owens still wanted to beatdown Neville! Ambrose is having none of it! Deano, set up Owens on the announce table… Deano runs round the barricade, elbow drop to Owens through the table – BLAOW!!! And Deano grips the headpiece of Owens as if to say – DON’T F**K WITH ME!!!! Yo come the Intercontinental title match I don’t wanna see no basic singles match – these two guys are streetfighters! Take it back to the bars where the APA used to hang out!
AAAAAH SH!T! Vincent Kennedy is here! Yes, he broke the law last week, but this week, he IS THE LAW! Shout out to Motorhead!
Come on Titus! Brukk up that Stardust!!! Mash him up!!!! Beat out his blodclart!!!
Oh dear! Why doesn’t Stardust like when the crowd chant ‘Cody’??? I mean… the crowd are supporting him aren’t they??? They’re not? Oh dear….
The Clash of the Titus super move by O’Neill! BLAOW!!! Oh dear – Stardust is reading his own horoscope! It says – You got knocked the f**k out!
Looks like Becky & Charlotte gonna have another friendly wrestling contest…. YEAH RIGHT!!! Look at Ric Flair creep up behind Becky like – WOOOOOOOO!!! I’m telling you – he wants to f**k Becky!!! Yo Flair! The blue smarties is THAT WAY!!!
Nice entrance by Becky!!! I mean, she always had it in the NXT… but it’s good to see it here!
Look at Ric Flair doing his strut while the ladies are having a sparring contest! I mean sh!t! I would! I don’t know what Charlotte has been spending her WWE divas champion money on – but she’s been looking fine lately!
Oh yeah! Ric Flair gonna be on the Austin podcast next week too! WWE is being GOOD TO ME!!! All I need is Naomi…
There’s a sign in the crowd saying ‘We Want Tamina’… So Do I!!!! Can’t I have all of TeamBAD for my Birthday next week???
Hold up – Becky grabbed the tights and beat Charlotte! Charlotte don’t like that sh!t because Becky was gloating in front of her father! Now Charlotte is beating down her so-called friend! Oh dear!
Did Sheamus just call Vincent Kennedy his ‘Irish cousin’??!!!! HAHAHA!!! How can you jabronies dislike Sheamus when he has a way with words? Oh I get it… he’s not CM P…. Can that be a New Years Resolution? To not mention that muthaf***a’s name??? It’s 2016! He’s not important to us! Unless it’s the YOU EFF CEE…
Ok I’m getting bored of wrestling match after wrestling match… The Ryback fights The Big Show… yes people… this came on last week… so I’m gonna take my medicine because The Grant is sick of this sh!t!!!! Give me a storyline segment already!
AAAH SH!T! Hold the medicine! Why The Wyatt man dem wanna f**k up Ryback? What’s this about???
Hold up – They got The Big Show too!!! This is what I don’t get – The Wyatts can’t harvest any power from Show and The Ryback so what are they tryna accomplish????
Aah yes… The Royal Rumble… But it’s every man for himself though right? 4 guys cannot go to WrestleMania???? Er…
Meanwhile Dolph Ziggler is hoping to punch his ticket to big BIG WrestleMania…haahahahaha The Grant says – He will have his best Rumble performance yet… but… DREAM… DREAM….DREAM….. I BROUGHT YOU ALL MY DREAMS!!!!!!
GRANT BODY – P!
Mike wake up – wha-what-What- yo Heath Slater beat Ziggler!!! BACKSIDE!!! And Slater has a new crew! No not the 4-man band… they are #SocialOutcasts… ok well… anyway…
Vincent Kennedy is giving me joke! Telling both Sheamus and Roman Reigns that it will be a fair contest!!! (YEAH RIGHT…!!!)
Thank you to STC’s David Connor Richardson… I could have done without that information, now I didn’t get to mark out that Chris Jericho turned up! Yes the ratings need a boost, network subscriptions need a boost… to do that Jericho all you have to do is tease Stephanie’s fine @$$… job done!
Aaah sh!t – Jericho gonna enter the Royal Rumble??? Well Jericho… your fate will be the same as Ziggler… DREAM…DREAM…DREAM… I BROUGHT YOU ALL MY DREAMS!!!
Kalisto and the Dudley Boys combine their force to compete against the UpUpDownDown guys… I’m sure the trombone will get involved, but I wanna see Team BAD… can’t they interfere in this match or something and shake they @$$??
That was a nasty splash off the apron to Kalisto from Big E! But whining up his waist in front of a guy is not cool yo!!! If that was me I would have got on the mic and called out Team BAD! If they gave me the creative keys…Team BAD would be in BIG trouble!
HAHAHAHA!!! Vincent Kennedy with the power walk in his referee shirt! He could have done with a tan though… His old man body is starting to show!!!
And the match is under way!!! I hope Vincent Kennedy calls it down the middle!!! But we both know that ain’t gonna happen!
Wait a minute… Sheamus used the stairs!! THAT’S TEEF! And Vincent Kennedy had his back turned!!! Hey Vince! You said no underhanded tactics!
Remember Roman! Don’t let Sheamus put you in the submission move! Vince is a very ‘inexperienced’ referee!!!
VINCENT KENNEDY TEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!! What sort of slow count was that??!!! Roman Reigns WILL f**k him up!!! But I’m sure that Triple Teef is behind the curtain with that hammer…
Reigns goes for the cover again… this time Vincent Kennedy needs eye drops! He is 70 after all!
Why did Roman hit the Superman Punch on Vincent Kennedy? How is he gonna win???
Stephanie gets involved too! And a crooked referee! Still waiting on that Triple Teef!!!
Somehow, Roman Reigns survives… but check this out… Vincent Kennedy flips the script! Roman Reigns must defend his title against 29 other men… er that’s right… The Royal Rumble is for the World Wrestling Federation Championship! That hasn’t been done since 1992!!! This has changed EVERYTHING!!! Er now is a good time to play that track Grant…
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
I am him: Infamous Informer, Wolverhampton’s Last Outlaw, GRANT BODY -P! I will tell you straight up and down – I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT HULK HOGAN. Only exception is if it’s in relation to this week’s RAW. I’m already sick of the sh!t over the weekend.
But that Terminator WWE2K16 though!!!! First thing on payday I’m taking my backside to GAME and pre-ordering that sh!t! I can’t see what the problem is with you gaming/wrestling nerds, you want special characters in games but you complain? Oh yeah I forgot, I don’t like your kind anyway!
If the crowd chant for Hogan, I won’t hold it against them. But after that, y’all gotta let it burn. RAW #1157: HOL’DAT – BLAOW!!!
You watch, I’m in effect live this week and Brock Lesnar & Undertaker are not at RAW. It would be just my luck.
…and how does the show start? With the evil one himself – TRIPLE TEEEF!!! I am the gamerrrr…. I couldn’t control the situationerrrrrrr, I can’t get to the point in 20 minuteserrrrrr!!!
The rumours are true rude boy!!!! Summerslam 4 hours – GOD DAMN!!!! RILEY’S WOLVERHAMPTON – GET READY!!!!
What? More announcements? Ok Dean Ambrose Vs Big Show I can ride to that, Sasha Banks Vs Paige – Show her who the boss is Sasha! And Randy Orton Vs Kevin Owens??? Bellas Vs Charlotte/Becky? Big wrestling matches ah gwarn!
Seth Rollins – don’t expect me to stand up and say you’re the greatest champion of all time, you didn’t fight Undertaker & Brock Lesnar therefore…. you’re ONE OF the greatest pu$$!£$ of all time!
You just insulted John Cena my dude! OH SH!T – Cena paid his dues in the apology tour! He wants #16!!!! I support this! I’m all for upsetting the IWC!!!!
YES MOVEMENT for Cena Vs Rollins for the WWE title? No? Stephanie just trolled us all! God damn you woman! Go and kiss dog!
But Cena gotta defend his US Title against Rollins? Looks like the apology tour continues! I can ride to that! Backing Cena all the way! Cena successfully defends… I called it last week – Title for Title at Summerslam – REMEMBER I TOLD YA!
I though Ambrose was on some Eddie Guerrero sh!t – untying Big Show’s laces then taking out his legs! It was purely strategy to recoup…
Remember back in the days? When Big Show used to do the chokeslam and that would be it?
Yo Miz – keep telling yourself you’re the baddest muthaf**a in the WWE – f**k around and the glass will smash! I know somebody who you tell you different!
OHHH SNAP!!!!! Ambrose went for the suicide dive, and landed right into Big Show’s fist – PPPPPPPP! Ambrose ain’t making the ten count f**k that!
And even after all that, Ambrose got to his feet, Big Slow was gonna finish him… Ambrose sidestep – BOOM – right into the barricade!
For real???? Fandango is still alive???? Oh well he ain’t now… Neville just settled him with the Red Arrow… What’s Stardust beef with Neville??? Does he fancy him or something??? I think Stardust thinks a Red Arrow is one of those Ice lollies you get from the ice cream man…..
OH MY GOD THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Paige’s team don’t want none of B.A.D…. sh!t I DO!!! I want all of that Sasha, I want that Tamina roughness, and I want Naomi to drop squats on my c-
SOMEBODY GET HIM OUTTA HERE!!!!
You see this is why Grant is not a Paige fan, she got Charlotte and Becky Lynch wearing ‘This Is My House’ shirts… they don’t have a team name, so it’s still all about Paige… mannn… f**k that b!tch!
LET’S GO SASHA!! Kill her! Destroy her completely!
You will see… in months to come, Paige gonna f**k over Becky and Charlotte… remember I told ya!
Aaaah sh!t why the ref throw out the women at ringside? What is he gay too? If that was me, I’d send for a next referee and I’ll go away with Charlotte, Becky, Naomi & Tamina! Me and them four would have a REAAAL good time!!!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
YES! MY GIRL SASHA HIT PAIGE WITH THE BANK STATEMENT!!! Whose house is it now b!tch!!! That’s what’s up!
For real Rusev? You gonna get Summer Rae a dutty dawg? Good idea Rusev call the dog – Dolph Ziggler! That’s a great name!
He got Summer Rae a dead fish??? Oh my days – he’s tryna say Lana pu$$y smells??? OUTTA ORDER & BRIGHT!
Pushing the boundaries are we Triple Teef??
OH NO! Lana kick down Summer Rae! and rub her face in the fish! You know what Lana’s tryna say right???
GRANT BODY – P!
Haha I just love when Rusev is cussing! Face it Rusev – you want Summer Rae to dress like Lana on some Action Bronson biting Ghostface style and sh!t – admit it – Summer Rae was just the consolation prize!
What I wanna know is, why are muthaf***az concerned about Axelmania? The Grant says – F**K AXELMANIA! AxelMania is dead, and in its death, long live the DAYWALKER!!! GRANT BODY – P!!!
Ok – a lil mathematics – last week, Los Matadores beat the PTP, I thought that makes them #1 contenders… this week Lucha Dragons beat Los Matadores… both matches had The New Day causing the distraction… is it me or do I smell a Fatal Four Way match at Summerslam? Come on! Throw the Tables, Ladders and the Chairs in there let’s do this!!! (Oh sh!t am I asking too much? I better get my mind out the attitude era!)
For real Wyatt? You just gonna say that the parents don’t love their kids? Well at least he isn’t speaking cryptically…he’s gotta point though, the police don’t protect us… they wanna destroy us because they can and get away with it…
Wyatt gonna digress about some pet… I guess he’s talking about Luke Harper coming back to him… yeah yeah where’s the Shield??? Come down the stairs!!!
I guess the Shield can’t be bothered… lets continue the Divas revolution! See I like Becky & Charlotte, I hope they brukk up the Bellas.. it’s that Paige I’m not a fan of!
…and while they come down the ramp and get ready for their contest against the Bellas, check this exclusive interview that MIKE KNOXXX and GRANT BODY – P interviewed, the beautiful, sexy, don’t take no sh!t, former Tough enough competitor – Gabi Castrovinci! Don’t just look at her and wank off… CLICK THE PIC NUH MAN!!!!
247 days??? COME ON NIKKI!!! You can do it girl! If you don’t make it, I won’t be mad though… divas division stepped up!
I got this feeling somewhere down the road Triple gonna give Gabi a tryout anyway… he sees that uniqueness in her… You see? Winning Tough Enough ain’t sh!t!
OH SNAAAP! Becky Lynch use the DISARMOUR super move! Alicia Fox tapped out like a b!tch! Alicia in my bad books too!
Sheamus at ringside while Kevin Owens and Randall fight? Hmmm I think we know who gonna win this one! Unless of course Cesaro finds himself out here!
See Randall ain’t like John… Randall is more of that dark hero sh!t… Randall will f**k you up – Cena won’t!
Sheamus – you do realise I was sitting there waiting for you to interfere in that match… so what stipulation you and Randall gonna have???
I knew Cesaro would get involved but it didn’t work out too well for him – pop-up powerbomb – BLAOW!!! Try again kid!
Ok main event time! John Cena Vs Seth Rollins! COME ON CENA!!! What – you thought Cena was gonna be in mid-card forever??? YOU DUMB RARSE!!!
Quote of the week –“If you’re a champion your ego should be out of control… look at Floyd Mayweather… he’s out of control… he’s never been beat…”(JAY-BEE) Let’s be real – from time Big Show couldn’t manage Mayweather, my dude Pacquiao couldn’t take him back in May! Yo Mayweather haters… you gotta make it burn!
Oh dear! Seth Rollins hit the Tiger Knee right into Cena’s nose – BLAOW!!! That should have been a Mortal Kombat X-Ray moment! Yeah the crowd would chant ‘This Is Awesome!’ because Cena nose brukk up!!!!
Go on muthaf***a, tell me this wrestling thing is fake…. oh that would be you CM Princess Peach B!tch!! That’s why I lost respect for that fool! And Cena just beat Rollins with a f**ked up nose!!! YES CENA!!! The respect I once had for CM Pnuk… is now handed over to Cena! What you gonna do now Rollins? You gotta defend your title at Summerslam!!! (Why have I got this feeling Rollins gonna get away again??? Either that or Sheamus cashes his cheque against Cena and win???
Quality wrestling contests, no sign of Undertaker & Brock (as I thought,) and no Hogan chants! WOW! maybe there is hope for humanity!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
WAIT A MINUTE!!! How dare Ambrose pose with the belt outside the building where my heart was broken!!! Seth Rollins you can’t let him do that! He will pay for this I will assure you!!!
In other news, Goldberg find himself in a wrestling ring lately, dropped the spear on Scott Steiner, hit the Jackhammer – BLAOW!!! Suddenly wrestling nerds are experts and have a pHd in medical examination! GETDAF**KOUTTAHERE!
(Shout Out to my don Jazz Kumar at Iron Skull Productions!)
Ok, let’s see who got that munny innah bank!!!! Who’s loaded? Who’s brukk? Let’s find out! RAW #1150! HOL’DAT-BLAOW!
This week’s survival kit: Those Tortilla Pringles are the lick! I got that galaxy chocolate, I got samosas… That Strawberry KA drink hits the spot (oh you didn’t know? I don’t drink fool!)
Is that how we gonna kick RAW off? US Open Challenge? I say Serena Williams should step up.. she got the Grand Slam title and all that, I think Serena Babygirl can beat him! Where she at?
She looks so fine don’t you agree??!!!
Oh snap – is Cena on that bla-bla-bla???? Sorry I wasn’t paying attention…
I hear the IWC on that I hope Kevin Owens beats him at Munny Inna Bank… Well THE GRANT SAYS just to p!$$ you nerds off I’m backing Cena this time! But I gotta say yeah – send for the NXT challenge! Hang on – Cena accepts? No no no no don’t let him challenge!
WICKED! That’s a good idea! The superstar can choose which belt they wanna fight for!!!
Neville stepped up! What if he chooses the NXT title? He’s been there before of all people!
OH SH!T – He’s gonna test Kevin Owens!!! Oh man! Who do I back??? No brainer – NEVILLE! Imagine if he wins??? It would be HUGE!
Time to get my Samosas – this is gonna be great!
What I hate about these streams is that I gotta put up with the imbeciles that is the IWC hating on Cena… I’m Big Man to them, and that’s saying something!!!! I can’t even hide the chat window… it’s p!$$!ng me the f**k off to be honest! The Grant’s wrestling intellect is far greater than these fools! they are beneath me, The Infamous Informer, The Daywalker, Wolverhampton’s Last Outlaw, Grant Body – P!!!
Oh man! After two failed Red Arrows, Owens uses counter technique and pop up powerbomb – BLAOW!!!!
Er.. why is Owens inviting Cena back in the ring??? I think it’s mind games…. Because Owens left the ring? Well upward on onward to Owens Vs Cena II! Straight up and down, the GRANT SAYS – Cena gonna win… which means rubber match at the next PPV (Battleground). Remember I told ya!
OH NO! Seth is BEXXXXX! Triple and Steph actually found this funny! I hope Rollins sees this blog!
Oh dear Rollins you DID say that you could do this sh!t on your own, that you don’t need the authority! YES YOU DID!!! Now shuddup and find an opponent to get your punching bag on!
Wait a minute – my time now! DIVAS!!! This ain’t your house b!tch – THIS IS MY YARD! AH MY BLOG DIS! Backing Nikki ALL THE WAY!
Ok Summer Rae – get your @$$ kicked… but I was told in confidence that you can wrestle! I ain’t seen sh!t yet! Same goes for you Paige – you gonna get yo’ @$$ kicked too… and kicked OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!
Come on Nikki girl! Almost 200 days as champion! There’s only 95 days left! I believe you can win!
NO! Ambrose playing saxophone with the WWE title in New Orleans??? He’s a better champion than you Seth! He’s representing!!! Hinstagram has blown up!!! And it’s no selfies!
I’m not sure about the biggest jack@$$ in WWE history in Seth…. Roman Reigns you’re my dude but do your googles, do your youtubes… Triple TEEF was the biggest jack@$$!
So Glenn finds himself in the ladder match? Hang on – his job is to win???? Uh-Oh…. If he turned back into Kane and cashed his cheque against me it would be curtains… I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!
What the???? R-Truth thought he was in the Munny Innah Bank match??? Glenn was like – You’re not in the match fool!!!!
Kofi RePPiN 4 The New Day! Yeah go ahead and say it, ‘Kofi’s just there for the spots…’ well explain this – How come Kofi is fighting Brock Lesnar in Japan later this month??? Yeah answer me that?
Are you not entertained Randall? Sheamus is whuppin yo’ @$$!!! I hope Russell Crowe realises he’s made that line into hot merchandising! And as for Liam Neeson… did he ever think that his particular set of skills would blow up like that?
I don’t think Randall cares about the disqualification… Sheamus was gonna f**k him up.. you see what Randall’s titan tron says? It says STRIKE FIRST. Therefore…. RKO to Sheamus – BLAOW!!!
NO! Ambrose on the bull with the title!!! Ambrose broke Instagram!!!! He is the true face of the WWE! Not even Cena did this sh!t in 10 years!
Where’s Jamie Noble going? He and Mercury are Shield 2.0.????? Shocking!!! he just said that to Rollins? Now look what you’ve done Noble, now Rollins has chosen to fight both you & Mercury! But hear the joke! They gonna stand up to him! Mercury has spoken for the first time since…. the ladder clapped him in his head!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
Glenn & Ziggler, having a row on RAW! The crowd want Lana’s sexy @$$… you lot can’t want her as much as STC’s Edd Mulhall! He wants Lana more than all of you put together! Everyday Edd posts a pic of her fine @$$… to the point where even STC’s ladies fancy her in her tight up skirt!
Talking of Lana… here she is in pink…. OHHHH! Notice – she has never wore a brown blouse and skirt… so for you jabronies who like that doodoo brown sh!t… you are NARSTY – OK!
So is that it? If Rusev in crutches, Lana gotta be in crutches too? Look at her with a mash-up ankle… look at my black referee… he’s tempted to feel her up!!!! Can you blame him???
All night they’re showing more pics of Ambrose partying with the title!!!! F**k that – let’s throw up another pic! Rub it in Rollins grill!
Time for Miz TV with Ryback and Big Show, how’s your chin bone Miz? You think this may turn into some Triple Threat jump off? Not sure if Miz wants to do that!
Miz talking about his muthaf***k!n money maker… I hope Big Show punches Miz again through school buses! Knock his teeth right into his throat! Then he will be brukk teet and Munny Innah Bank!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
Maybe Big Show ain’t f**k!n with the Authority no more! Crowd chanting ‘WHAT?’ after Big Show’s lines! IWC shut the f**k up – if you was in the arena you would chant the same thing!
Oh snap! The Miz gets boxed out of his on TV show! And Ryback picked up The Big Show and shell-shocked him out – BLAOW!!!
The Wyatt man dem claim that we should be afraid of them…..
Rollins, you better hope and pray that Glenn doesn’t win that briefcase on Sunday, because if he does, your goose cook! Same goes for Ambrose! Title or no title – I foresee a Seth Vs Kane match for Battleground! Yes I predicted it for this PPV… but bwoy… WWE must have known of my plans!
It amuses me that the women who have made it to the finalists of Tough Enough look like models as opposed to wrestlers…. The IWC nerds ain’t gonna like that… it’s all good to me though!!!
Two bad bull meet up! Titus O’Neill Vs Big E!!!! Use the hashtag – #MinisterOfMass to support Big E! Well I would but he’s fighting Titus…. this ‘black on black’ violence makes me sick!!!! I bet the Babylon are sitting in the station eating popcorn and donuts as two black guys batter each other in the ring!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
Positivity wins the race! Minor distraction cost Titus the match… hol’ on.. Roman Reigns coming down the
stairs??? But there’s no injustice committed???
Oh I get it… he’s fighting Kofi Kingston… again… I can’t watch… I like both men!
Munny Inna Bank kick off – R-Truth Vs King Barrett… y’all gotta problem with the pre-show? Then go and f**k off! Nothing is good to you!
Haha! I see you in the crowd! with the sign saying ‘Texas Death Match’! Don’t get yourself gassed now! We ain’t got to Summerslam yet!
This is actually a good match between these two! Damn Kofi why did they choose you to go to suplex city of all people? But hey, stranger things have happened… after all, who knew that Eddie Guerrero would defeat the mighty Brock Lesnar???
OH NO!!!! Ambrose is here! Complete with popcorn and a Pepsi…. that must mean return imminent for CM Princess Peach B!tch!!! SHUT THE F**K UP!!!
Ok all parties are here, J&J are ready to take Rollins, Ambrose got his popcorn reading the comments, Glenn is out there too! HERE WE GO!!! 2 on 1 handicap match!
Can you imagine if J&J defeat Rollins??? It would be a bigger upset than Owens defeating Cena!!!
OH SNAP!!!!! Just as Rollins was gonna finish Noble with the pedigree, Ambrose ran in and gave the title to Rollins! Mercury, saw the distraction, roll up pin (Shadfather won’t like that) and pinned the champion! That technically means Mercury is next in line for the WWE Title!!!! The shame and disgrace! Then Ambrose enters the ring, Dirty Deeds to Rollins – BLAOW!!! Then Ambrose take off with the title!!! OH LAWWWWD There will be hell to pay!! Has Ambrose got enough hell in the bank???? GEDDIT???
GRANT BODY – P!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!