Tag Archives: Brock Lesnar

Monday Night Raw #1298, April 9, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

SHAME. SHAME. SHAME! RING THE BELL!

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Imagine! I’m supposed to talk about how Ronda Rousey looked sexy in that little kilt she had on, I should talk about when a little kid named Nicholas is a tag team champion and could get the next Warrior award next year, I should talk about how NO ONE apart from Mike Knoxxx knew that Brock Lesnar was gonna hold down the title and could be going for the 434 days…which I support I might add! I should even talk about the Undertaker! Looking like a million bucks and f**ked up John Cena… but when you talk WrestleMania moments… it doesn’t get better than this! Natalya exposing her shaven pu$$y in front of 78,811 fans… GOD DAYUUUUUUM!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1298! RAW AFTER MANIA! Who’s coming from NXT? Who is gonna surprise our @$$£$?

Look at Stephanie’s arm!! AWWWWWWW!!! Now SHUDDUP and sign those cheques!

Hey Ronda girl don’t trust that Stephanie!!! What is she up to?

It’s very similar to when Vincent Kennedy was trying to tell Austin that he needs to adapt and be flexible, and adaptation is a key of life as well as in business! Now fans! Telling Steph to shut the f**k up is advice YOU GUYS should be practicing!

Rousey as Austin: “Can I get 10 seconds to think about it?”

Stephanie as Vince: “By all means!”

Rousey as Austin: ARM BAR AS THE STUNNER!

NIA JAX: NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

nia jax oh my dayz

Wait a second – it’s a handicap match? Mickie James & Alexa must combine their force? Why don’t the fans chant…. OH SNAP THEY CALLED ALEXA AN @$$HOLE! WHOA!

IT’S NO HANDICAP! EMBER MOON IS IN THE BUILDING!!!! YES!!!

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SEXY B!TCH! LOOK AT HER! OWWWWWWWWW!

Even better – she hit Alexa Bliss with the Eclipse super move! BEAUTIFUL! LIFE IS GOOD!

Well what do you know?! Nicholas is over with the crowd! BUT Nicholas has school! So They have given up the titles! I was hoping Nicholas was gonna get some pu$$y with those tag titles!

GRANT BODY-P!

NO WAY JOSE is on the house! Yes its that Adam Rose sh!t all over again… I see people complaining on the internet already… come on man it’s party time!

SETH ROLLINS! NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!!!

I don’t know what all that was about thanks to the stream, but it looks like as the Miztourage was gonna take on Finn Balor & Seth Rollins, JEFF HARDY comes out!!! So hmmmm! They not gonna run with that Brother Nero sh!t????

The fans are still singing that stupid song to Bayley? NOT Mandy Rose??? AH CHUPID SONG!!! Mind you I wouldn’t be too happy if the crowd sand ‘Guess Who Loves You More’ to Naomi… even though I would understand!

Holy smokes Paige has finally dropped the R – Bomb… like Undertaker put back on his gloves and his coat and his hat, but Paige is the one who is forced to put down her pale make up in the middle of the canvas… this is the part where I should say ‘Thank You Paige’… but since I was never a fan… I’ll leave that to you guys.

Now if I was Elias I would be careful what I say on that guitar! One false mention of the don of dons and he’s going to be in a box!!!!

The WWE Universe is down with Walking With Elias though!!! Not me though – I’m hip hop to the core!

You know what Elias – dissing the crowd might not help you!

BUMBACLAAAAAAAAAT! BOBBY LASHLEY!!!! HOLY SMOKES!!! HE’S NOT SHUCKING AND JIVIN’! 

You know what Apollo? retreat to Smackdown! It’s not a good look for you kid!

GUNSHOT! “Our tag team division is full, but I heard TNA is hiring…” I can’t believe Kurt said that!!!! THE FIFTH WALL IS BROKEN!

You don’t suppose Vincent Kennedy has brought…. nah it cannot be possible surely?!!!

Heath Slater & Rhyno – you guys are going in a box – THE AUTHORS OF PAIN ARE HERE! Thanks for being WWE superstars… you will be missed…

Here he is! Mr Marmite! The Big Dog! Come on fans! He didn’t retire The Undertaker! Cut him some slack!

Brock Lesnar has re-signed with the World Wrestling Federation! Oh man! And he’s fighting Double R at the Greatest Royal Rumbles! Come on BROCK! I’m only supporting you because I want you to break the 434!

Oh man! Double R has still gotta deal with this dude! Samoa Joe – who has missed TWO WrestleManias on the trot… that’s f**ked up!

See Samoa Joe is running down Reigns calling him a failure… but Reigns could have countered like – yeah it took 6 F5s to put me down! It only took ONE to put you down! Sorry Double R, you made yourself look like a beeeeeattchhh!

GRANT BODY-P!

Bray Wyatt ‘reincarnated’… now he plays second fiddle to Matt Hardy! WOW! What a b!tch!

So, Kurt says if Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn want a job… they gotta fight for it… such is life!

Er… oh no! Neither individual answered the 10 count! Now both are not on RAW either! Maybe ROH are hiring… or New Japan even… that’s not a bad thing? We love the New Japan!

Kami TNA

Commentators acknowledging the possibility that The Miz could go to Smackdown in the shake up (which happens next week) and restarting the beef with Danny Bryan!

Wasn’t it glorious when Jeff Hardy, Seth Rollins and Finn Balor f**ked up the Miztourage! OHHHH WHAT A FEELING!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1290, February 12, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

THESE GUYS NEED AN AWARD!!!

We all bought it! We all bought it – HOOK LINE & SINKER!!!! We all bought it! Even our wrestling journalist experts bought it! Every damn one of us were made FOOLS OF!

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RAW 1290! I hope it doesn’t bore me like last week! GIVE ME SOME JOKE!!! 

WHOA!!!! John Cena haters – don’t hang up your keyboards of mass destruction just yet – dude just said he’s going to big BIG WrestleMania! and if he fails… then he doesn’t have a road to WrestleMania! Y’all better hope and pray Elias wins then eh?

Wait a second – The Miz believes he can win! Hey I’m all for The Miz winning the chamber! Imagine that! Talk about fantasy and reality!!!!!

Yo Miz, from one Mike to another Mike… you DO NOT wanna face Brock! You’re going to be a FATHER…remember??!!! And last time I checked, Brock doesn’t give a sh!t about your kids!

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I like that idea! Make it happen Kurt! Miz Vs Cena – loser enters the chamber FIRST!!! In which case I’m backing Cena to win so that The Miz goes in first! See how fickle I am? I’m Blade dutty bwoyjust like you fools! Actually no…. to quote Blade… ‘I’M SOMETHING ELSE!!!’

Only ONE MAN has survived the Avalanche AA or the Super AA or whatever that blasted move is called and that’s AJ Styles! No way is The Miz gonna survive surely?

BLAOW!!!! 1, 2 and….. 3! The Miz b!tch @$$ gotta jump in the chamber FIRST! He will SUFFER!!! And John Cena is for the children… look at him signing autographs for the kids with special needs. You wanna hate THAT MAN for that? You’re more retarded than anybody else!

WHOA! I wasn’t even paying attention and Revival win their match against The Balding Club? I was sitting here wishing happy birthday to people on FB and I heard the 1, 2, 3 with Balding clubs shoulders to the mat looking at lights! Hahahahaha B!TCHES!

Yes Alexa I’m impressed with Mickie James too – she’s a mother and a WWE Superstar and she looks great… that is… until I come across THIS WOMAN… no she’s not a wrestler… but she’s a mother of FIVE. After two or three kids your body cannot recover again and you look like one of those guests from Jeremy Kyle but when you look like this… GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!!! (Edd don’t even attempt to research this one!!!)

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Let’s just say she is a distant associate of mine as regards to my Journalistic Hip Hop career…moving on…

Goldberg eat your heart out! Asuka – 240-0!!! NO ONE CAN BEAT HER!!! Even the Undertaker is astonished!!! But let’s be real – you’re NOT gonna see Asuka at WrestleMania for 20+ years are you?

GRANT BODY-P!

THAT IS TRUE! Had Asuka NOT relinquished the NXT Championship, god knows how much longer she would have been champion! 523 days… CM Who? GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!

“Huge fan of Sonya Deville, she will have a great future here on Monday Night Raw…” 

Got that right Mr Greaves! She could GET IT!!!

Well so much for Sasha Vs Bayley at big BIG WrestleMania – we’re getting it now! (PAUSE)

BAYLEY WINS THE MATCH! Ok here’s the heel turn you know it alls have been waiting for!

SWITCH!!! Nia Jax attacks BOTH OF THEM!!! Ok go ahead, complain on the internet about how WWE dropped the ball again as you do!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

TODAY, I WALK WITH ELIAS!!!!! There is a first time for everything! Why wish for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come back when Elias has got it covered!

“Don’t worry Miz, those songs were not for you, they were written for MARYSE!!!”

Pregnant women don’t do it for me personally but ELIAS WANTS TO PUT IT IN!!!

WAIT – I CHANGED MY MIND!!! I’M WALKING WITH BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! Have you seen the size of that guitar? He even broke that! And he can sing in tune too!

“Well Elias says he’s gonna win, but we all know that ain’t true,

You look at me boy when I’m singing, because I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!

You may not notice, you may not realise,  when this song is over, you’re gonna GET THESE HANDS!”

PUT THIS ON iTUNES NOW!!!!!

Are you ready for Braun Strowman’s album to drop? If you don’t buy it you’re gonna get these hands!!! I’M DUN!!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!! Strowman lick down Elias with the dutty big guitar! BLAOW!!! That’s it – now throw him off the stage! NO? Oh well!!!

Let me take this time to congratulate Ivory on her Hall Of Fame induction! Yeah I know what you’re thinking… Chyna gets dissed again! Hey – you praise the evil Triple Teef for making NXT/WWE better, but you run him down for this… you can’t have everything!

WHOA!!! Jason Jordan forced to miss big BIG WrestleMania! HOLY SMOKES!!! The question remains – what does this mean for Seth Rollins? I think everything has changed now, JUST LIKE THAT!

Tell em Kurt! The fans should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES! Cheering that Jason Jordan won’t be there? What sort of people are you?

Er what? Seth doesn’t want to be apart of Monday Night Raw? Welcome to the A Show Seth! I’ve been waiting for you!

Oh maybe not! He still wants to be Universal Champion! Er… how is this gonna work?

Makes sense! I hope Seth wins the Fatal 5 Way joint! But if he does, what about Finn Balor? Er… oh dear!

Sorry Apollo! Sorry Wyatt, Sorry Matt Hardy… the Chamber needs to be DON! But I gotta say I’m glad Apollo is up in that match…

OH SNAP!!! Seth and Balor did a ‘Undertaker & Kane to Austin’! You don’t get it? Er does this mean anything to you?

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Monday Night Raw #1284, January 1, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

The rock JKJ

The joke is, the same muthaf***az who type that sh!t always end up having another bad year!!!!

YOU JEREMY KYLE JABRONI MUTHAF***AZ F**KOUTTAHERE!

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RAW 1284! IT’S A NEW YEAR YES IT IS!!!

Steph Raw

I hope the first segment is missable because I need a #2!!! Highly unlikely… it’s 2018 MUTHAF***A!

WHOA!!! Alexa Bliss Vs Asuka for the women’s championship? Oh wait… it isn’t… YET!!!

John Cena has put his name down in the Royal Rumble! Imagine if he wins… oh my days… the mass complaining on the internet!

30 entrants for the women too! You KNOW there’s gonna be surprises galore in that Royal Rumble!!!!

So they changed up Jason Jordan’s music and put lyrics on the muthaf***a!

Jason Jordan and Cesaro gonna clash! Yep – no disrespect – it will be a great contest but when you gotta go – YOU GOTTA GO!

Crowd chanting ‘Daddy’s Boy’! First time I heard that chant! (I didn’t watch wrestling at Christmas time because I thought it was disrespect to the superstars! Well at least they got paid…)

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Mike Cole said two weeks ago… Jason Jordan is rocking with the best but soon he has to start winning… and now Jason Jordan is doing just that – he beat internet darling Cesaro! Not sure how the IWC will handle that!

So they made Dana Brooke look like a more voluptuous Lana? I can ride to that!

Safe to say whoever loses out of this Bray Wyatt/Apollo Crews match is a b!tch… I expect Matt Hardy to appear on the titan tron and start his sh!t again!

I thought Bray Wyatt wanted a piece of Dana Brooke! Her distraction didn’t work! Sister Abigail to Crews – BLAOW!!! Sorry Dana you’re not quite Lana!!!

Wyatt is still gonna get deleted!!!! OH NO!!!

WHOA!!! Alexa tried to force Nia to choose her or Enzo! That didn’t work out too well! Just get in the ring with Asuka and shuddup!

Asuka be throwing Shaolin Kung Fu techniques at Alexa! Alexa’s Harley Quinn fist is powerless!

Why do these b!tches think slapping Asuka in the face was a good idea? It usually means curtains for them!

Asuka is a clever chick! Not only is she in the Rumbles, but she also beat Alexa Bliss! This means even if Asuka doesn’t win the rumble, she is STILL the #1 contender for the title! GENIUS!

Bwoy Renee Young sexy @$$ has to stay professional interviewing Samoa Joe… the dude who ‘injured’ Deano – and went on to say he has to stay at home living off his wife’s paycheck! OH SHEEEEEEEEEEET!!!! GUNSHOT!!!

Brock Lesnar doesn’t give a f**k if Heath Slater has kids…. and by the sounds of things – neither does Braun Strowman, and even worse – neither do the fans! Is that how you wish a happy new year to your favourite jobber? How barbaric are you people?????

Even a RHYNO is no match for the monster among men!!!

Hahaha that Jason Jordan kid – he thinks he’s down with The Shield doesn’t he? “Yeah we gotta stay focused, and if The Bar interfere in your match, we will be there – Believe That!” Roman Reigns is looking at Jason Jordan like – ‘WHERE’S HE GOING????’

WHOA! Finn Balor found his Bullet Club bredrins to go against The MizTourage! Let the masturbating begin! FOR YOU THAT IS!

GRANT BODY-P!

Top 100 friends

This is how it goes down – if Double R gets disqualified, he loses the Intercontinental Championship! If I was Double R, I would beat him proper, THEN KILL!!!!

Apparently Double R was fined $5ooo… POCKET CHANGE!!! His daughter still had a powerful Christmas, and his wife probably gave him some Christmas pum-pum!!!

It might be an observation, but the ‘Roman Sucks’ chants are not as dominant like the Cena Sucks chants… bear in mind it’s in Miami Florida, you think the male wrestling fans have ‘grown up’???

GRANT BODY-P!

Samoa Joe – TEEF! He tried to push Double R into the referee! The plan didn’t work! Double R shifts into a spear – BLAOW! Even the crowd gives it ratings! You see? Roman Haters never win! They only make themselves look more stupid!

1 hr left of this and bed is calling me…

F**k!n Hell – Elias tried to sing that stupid New Year song, and for 37 years, I don’t know why the f**k some of you jabronies hold hands and sing that sh!t! What the f**k does it even mean?! Don’t even send answers on a postcard – I’m going to bed… no wait there… the Bullet Club are on… nah f**k that – I can catch up with this in the morning word up…

Somehow I am still hanging in there! This wrestling sh!t is boring me, but maybe Brock Lesnar will end it strong…

Brock Lesnar fears no challenger (s)!!! THAT IS TRUE PEOPLE!

My hero Kane hit the chokeslam on Lesnar! But Lesnar sat right up and laughed at Kane! Kane is like – MUTHAF***A!!!

Notice – when the don of dons hit the chokeslam on Lesnar a few years back – Lesnar wasn’t sitting up at all…his back hot him… I’m just saying…

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Monday Night Raw #1282, December 18, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

On this day, we celebrate the birthday of arguably WWE’s biggest superstar of all time – Stone Cold Steve Austin! We have to salute this man, he is the reason a lot of you wrestling fools are whining b!tches! He switched up the wrestling game to a point where all you wanna do is ‘go back to THAT era’… He switched up the crowd participation to the point where you still chant ‘WHAT?’ to a wack promo…to you jabronies who just cannot move on, even Austin himself has a solution…

Steve Austin cum bye ya

Kumbaya my lord… Kumbaya…

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RAW 1282! ENOUGH F**K!N ABOUT… Let’s get this Royal Rumble show on the road!

Steph Raw

Now I wasn’t in effect last week, and Braun Strowman and my hero Kane tried to destroy each other… both lost the match… but this week, Brock Lesnar is here… heading to the ring with no fear… does he wanna test both of them? What happened to Finn Balor? I thought he was meant to fight Brock at the Rumble according to dirt sheets?

 

DO YOU KNOW VINNY MAC???

Well – Royal Rumble jump off – it’s a Triple threat situation, and Kurt took foot and ran!

It’s gonna be 3 monsters colliding! I hope they leave the ring in one piece in time for the Rumble… because at this point, there might not be a Royal Rumble at all!!!!

Now as I see my dude Seth Rollins, word on the street is Scott Dawson of the Revival is now cleared to wrestle…

I don’t see Scott Dawson though… I see Jason Jordan… the crowd doesn’t like that!

Jason Jordan obviously has more heart than brains! He wants to take Samoa Joe! This muthaf***a took Brock Lesnar to the edge!!!

Jason Jordan will go through Seth Rollins to get to Samoa Joe! He’s coming like scrappy-doo isn’t he!

One thing you can say about the kid…he GOES IN. He got that ruthless aggression.

While this contest rolls on, I just wanna address something real quick. If you have time to create a twitter account, focusing your energy hating on Roman Reigns & Brock Lesnar… you sir are A B!TCH, you get NO PU$$Y, the girls call you UGLY, and quite frankly, you should KILL YOURSELF. I feel bad for the Soul N Sports team on BDSIR Network who have to deal with something like this.

GRANT BODY-P!

THE GRANT SAYS THIS: Jason Jordan, I admire your tenacity and desire to reach that brass ring, you got all that experience points behind you rocking with the best… don’t you think it’s time you went after the Intercon… what  Double R is the champion? Er… OH DEAR!

WHOA! Was Bray Wyatt singing a new song other than ‘The Whole World In His Hands?’ Anyway…

I wasn’t gonna write anything on the Miztourage Vs Finn Balor but – Hideo Itami now on the main roster??? ALLLLLRIIIGGHHHHT! That’s modifications on WWE2K18 for me to do!

Mike Cole drawing out history on Hideo Itami’s TRUE debut on the main roster???? WOW!!! Stay close to your loved ones people…

GRANT BODY-P!

They referred Hideo Itami’s super move as ‘GO TO SLEEP’! Ha! Your false wrestling god is never coming back now!

Cedric Alexander says he wants to be cruiserweight champion so bad he could taste it… well THE GRANT SAYS he wants Renee Young so bad he can taste her!!

OH MY GOD!!! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING! YO YO YO! STOP IT!!!

Now while Enzo and Drew Gulak is chatting puup… why is #HellInACell trending on twitter? Have I missed something???

Turns out it was something to do with Radar Radio & DJ Argue and some grime MCs….

Anyway I should really pay attention – Enzo is at commentary… where Nia Jax at???

Vincent Kennedy giving props to Bray Wyattth! Check it out!

Screenshot-2017-12-19 Vince McMahon ( VinceMcMahon) Twitter.png

So proud of him!!! HATERZ GOT NO BARS!

Wait  – Enzo gets a text or whatsapp notification on his phone… you think Nia Jax sent him nudes of herself??? He had to disappear quick time!

Drew Gulak is straight up cock blocking Enzo here! What a b!tch!!!

Question – has Asuka hit 200 NXT/WWE wins in a row? Well THE GRANT SAYS – Alicia Fox isn’t breaking Asuka’s sexy @$$ today!

Aaaaaah sheeeeeeet! Stephanie McMahon sexy @$$ is here?!!! Maybe she gonna announce the women’s Royal Rumble??? Come on Steph – get my d!ck hard like you usually do!

GRANT BODY-P!

Suddenly I’m not interested in Woken Matt Hardy’s foolishness!

Well I be damned! The Revival are back for real!!! Let’s hope they don’t get injured again! Suddenly I don’t trust Smack Talk Centre’s Pete Dunne… I’m scared he might spoil sh!t before it happens…

Seems like The Titus Brand have finally brought Dana Brooke in as their ‘logistics consultant’ or whatever she supposed to be… Yes I smell a Dear Deidre moment too…

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That awkward moment when I’m no longer interested in Absolution Vs Mickie/Sasha/Bayley and I’m just waiting for Stephanie to come out…

Elias is a DUTTY BWOY! Does he really think Mickie James & Sasha Banks wanna walk with him?

 

And as for Bayley, doesn’t she know only nursery rhymes on some ring a round a rosey?

The Raw women’s locker room rushed the ring to beat up Absolution, as soon as Stephanie music hit – EVERYTHING STOP! You don’t think Absolution will beat down Stephanie as well do ya?

GRANT BODY-P!

YES! A women’s rumble! Send for the YES CHANT! Now I gotta back a chick to win!

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Monday Night Raw #1273, October 23, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

IWC fools

It’s gonna hurt me to say this more than it will hurt the man in question… but Aydenn Wardle: Give me your wrestling card. You are not worthy of it. You said (on a J.A.M.M.S. Podcast I might add) that if Shinsuke Nakumura lost to Jinder Mahal at Hell In A Cell, you would hand it in and not watch AJ Styles Vs Shinsuke Nakumura if it happened at WrestleMania 34. But there you are STILL watching, and STILL complaining that while Finn Balor Vs AJ Styles was a great contest (which it was), you said the TLC match itself was garbage. So ok – Strowman & Kane go through announce tables, Kurt dons the Shield gear, The Shield get double chokeslammed through tables, Braun & Kane fight amongst each other, Kane chokeslams Braun off the stage, drops 20 chairs all over him, Braun comes back – pie faces his own team, the team rush him and throw him in the dumpster truck, Kane gets double speared through the barricade, Angle comes back – drops the olympic slam on Cesaro & Sheamus (prior to that he took most of the team to suplex city) then he and The Shield completely destroy The Miz for the win and YOU SAID IT WAS GARBAGE? YOUR CARD. GIVE IT TO ME!

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RAW 1273! My apologies to my readers at Cage Amateurs UK: When Virgin Media pull the plug because I didn’t pay those bills, life offline is a bit lonely!

Steph Raw

 Now really and truly, I shouldn’t be watching live because I have a hospital appointment in the morning, (or rather by the time you read this I’ve already been to the hospital) but… Brock Lesnar gonna sign Jinder Mahal’s death warrant- er I mean answer the challenge for the Survivor Series!

But first – KUUUUUUURT!!! I was concerned about him at the PPV, but thank god he’s ok, he may have got put through a table by Strowman, but he’s still standing strong!

Raaaaar! It’s champion Vs champion at the Survivor Series! Plus 5 Vs 5 Tradtional Raw Vs Smackdown mens & womens matches!

Miz thinks Raw is his show? He got BUSS ARSE at the PPV! He’s more like Raw’s B!TCH!

Look at him complaining and sh!t… Kurt needs to tell him to shut the f**k up!

I know the Miz & the Bar was not gonna rush Kurt and brukk him up… thank god for the Shield! That would have been injustice right there!

Oh snap! 6 man jump off right now! The Bar/Miz face The Shield & AJ Styles! Good on this dude – he’s staying on Raw for the Monday too! Give this man MVP of the week please!

Ok guys – as much as I wanna hang around and watch RAW live, as stated above – I gotta fin my bed. I don’t wanna be walking like a zombie to the hospital tomorrow! Don’t worry – your boy is ok, just come off the medication and they are monitoring your favourite daywalker. (Very funny you think I was on medication because I don’t know my wrestling sh!t like you guys…go jerk off over Alexa Bliss…)

GRANT BODY-P!

Ok I’m back… the hospital could have called me to tell me the good news instead of me going clean up there only to be there for 5 minutes… let’s get on with this week’s World Wrestling Federation.

I love a good old ruckus match I do! Bodies everywhere! Camera can’t keep still! I love it! Finishing with a phenomenal forearm to Cesaro’s headcrown – BLOAW! All that technical sh!t is boring – GIVE ME RUCKUS! that’s what The Shield, the Miz, the bar and The Phenomenal One did!

OH NO! IT’S KAAAAAAAANE! Should be no problem for The Shield and AJ… right??????

Is it me or can I hear fans chanting for Roman? Er – dude is sick! Mash up with meningitis and sh!t… now you cheer for him… fickle… that’s why I can’t f**k with you wrestling fans sometimes! You’re worse than a b!tch on her period!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kane has decided to chill with us! I like how they treating his promo treatment – lighting all red, titan tron with flames and sh!t… that’s what I’m talking about!

He says he’s Raw’s original monster! I gotta agree with Kane I’m sorry! I mean yes, Strowman has pushed over ambulances, broken rings, walked out of a truck crash, nearly destroyed Brock Lesnar… but my hero Kane… he impregnated Lita, he tombstoned a priest, he electrocuted Shane’s balls, he buried his own brother alive… he’s been carried to the ring in chains once, and my personal favourite – he set people on fire for joke!

As much as I love Finn Balor, he has no chance against my hero Kane! I mean… he didn’t have to put the demon paint on against AJ Styles… but here, he’s just a man!

Finn Balor! Front drop kick to Kane to the turnbuckles! Set up for the Coup De Grace! But Kane sat right up! NO! Chokeslam off the top ropes! Balor tried to counter but the grip was too much! Chokeslam – BLOAW!

Not going for the cover! Grabs Balor by the neck again – another chokeslam – BLAOW!

NOT A THIRD!!! What did Balor do to deserve this!!! He’s a good man! CHOKESLAM – BLAOW! BACK BRUKK!!!

Emma has another chance to make Asuka see the lights for the first time in her WWE career! I’m telling you now – she needs Dana Brooke by her side again… I don’t know why they split them up in the first place…

Wait a second! Didn’t I watch Elias Samson Vs Jason Jordan already? I don’t need to see this sh!t again… hey WWE – if people missed it they can watch the PPV on the network!

Wait – I take that back – Jason Jordan coming with that ruthless aggression yo! Elias getting charged into the barricades! But Elias had to teef – he found a guitar and lick it over Jordan’s head – BLAOW!

Oh sorry guys – it was the shoulder of Jason Jordan… sorry if I got you excited for a hot minute…

GRANT BODY -P!

Drew Gulak – do not do speeches/pitches again – you sound like one of those idiots from The Apprentice!

Holy smokes Gran Metalik! He’s taken ‘walking the ropes’ to a new level hasn’t he! His athleticism is crazy!!!! He makes Super Crazy look Super Dull!

So Enzo’s crew are called ‘The Zo Train’? Sounds like a male version of the Ho train… oh wait – that IS what it is! I knew something was up with the way Enzo dressed…

GRANT BODY-P!

“The same someone, who barely survived Randy Orton, the same soemone who barely survived Shinsuke Nakumura…” Yes boys and girls, this fool wants to test BRRRROCCCK LESSSNAR! The same dude who took Cena to SUUUUUPLEXXXXX CITTTTTY! The same dude who…(deep breath) broke the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania, The same someone who has conquered Samoa Joe, Braun Strowman, and Goldberg… somebody order a straight jacket for Jinder Mahal NOW!

Look at Brock – he’s laughing! Pacing up and down like –  “a wha dis bwoy gwarn on wid eh?”

“When we think of WWE Champions, we think of Bruno Sammartino, Nagoh Kluh, Macho Man Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and BRRRROOCCCK LESSSSNAR!!!!”

Er Heyman, what about Stone Cold Steve Austin? The Rock? The UNNNNDERRRTAYYYKERR? DISRESPECT!

I’ve come to the conclusion that Alexa Bliss is UGLY. YEAAAAH I SAID IT! I’m actually taking a good look at her – look at the amount of make up the b!tch got on! She that b!tch that when you put it in you think it’s the best sex ever, your eyes are watering, you are crying out like Lexington Steele, you reach the point of no return, buss your nut, go to sleep, wake up the next day to say good morning to her and JESUS CHRIST – she looks like Sister Abigail and sh!t!

church choir

080915, Atlanta, GA: Marcus Ross (cq) and the Beulahland Bible Church choir of Macon, Ga. perform in the “How Sweet The Sound” regional church choir competition at Philips Arena on September 15, 2008. “I felt like a star on stage,” Ross said.MIKKI K. HARRIS / mkharris@ajc.com

I will agree with the b!tch though, y’all wrestling fans is GAY. You chant ‘This is awesome’ when AJ Styles and Finn Balor stare each other in the face, but when Alexa and Mickie James sexy @$$ is on you sit there contemplating a toilet break…

Speaking of Mickie James – DAYYUUUUUUUUM! How did she get that in those jeans! Look at the high heels! Hold up – kick to the gut – tornado DDT in those heels! BLAOW! YES! Alexa Bliss deserved that sh!t!GRANT WWDJC2

Ok – Alicia Fox Vs Bayley vs Sasha – winner gets to be team captain for the women’s RAW team – Well The Grant Says – why is this even a question? Sasha is THE BOSS – she is a leader – not a follower! This match should not be taking place!

Actually I would love Alicia to be the captain – she is giving me joke ringing the bell like that! This ain’t Game of Thrones Alicia?!

OH SH!T!!! Alicia IS EL CAPITAIN!!! This is gonna be great! I LIKE THIS!

Hold up – Shane McMahon and the Smackdown brand? they think they are The Shield now coming down the stairs? They can’t be here???!!! What is this!

OH SNAP! UNDER SIEGE????!!! They brukk up the Titus Brand!

I can see Mr Strong Style there! He can take on the whole Raw Roster if he wanted to!

WROOOOOOY!!! THE LADIES ARE GOING AT IT! YES! PULL EACH OTHER’S WEAVE OUT!

Dean Ambrose said The Shield can take on the world – well how about half the Smackdown roster? Steel chairs in hand! Where’s Jim Ross when you need him?!

OH MY GOD THEY GOT KURT!!!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! HE’S INNOCENT!

HOLY SMOKES!!! You know Kurt ain’t gonna take this lying down! He’s gonna call his squad… and if he brings Kane and Strowman…. all I’m saying is – DON’T HURT MY NAOMI! OR ELSE!!!!

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Monday Night Raw #1264, August 21, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

 

HOLY SMOKES!!! I have watched Brock Lesnar since he broke in 2002… I have never, EVER seen him get f**ked up like that, not even from (in my mind) his most fierce rival – the don of dons – The Undertaker! This, plus Kevin Owens killer line “Where were you? YOU FALL OFF BUILDINGS!” 5 title changes (unlucky Naomi, no shame in losing to Natalya – she is apart of one of the greatest wrestling families ever) Summerslam was wild yo!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1264! ALEXA BLISS LOST HER TITLE! To quote that Simpsons kid – Ha-haaa!

Steph Raw

I’m not sure if I have the energy to get through the three hours… but Kurt says he has a big announcement… superstar shake up maybe as many of you dirt sheet readers keep bangin on about?

Brock kicks off the show! He will be pacing up and down while Paul be like ‘I told you so!’

The crowd be chanting SUPLEX CITY while you muthaf***az on the internet are complaining about Brock’s scheduled dates! WHO IS THE PROBLEM?

Certainly not this guy – BRAUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! This guy, THIS GUY!!! He just f**ked up Brock AGAIN!!! HOLY SMOKES! 2 thunderous powerslams!!! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!

Enzo Amore Vs Big Cass in a Brooklyn Street Fight? Where Ol’ Dirty at?

AH LIE! Big Cass injured??!!!!! Nah gotta be a work surely? Let me see the replay! Holy smokes!!! Maybe he did mash-up his leg!

Er.. how did Emma change the women’s revolution? What did she doooooooo? Oh yeah – teefing out of walmart! Oh yeah that really changed the game!

GRANT BODY-P!

Nia Jax is gonna killllllll Emma! She says #GiveEmmaCPR? Well THE GRANT SAYS #GiveEmmaSomeC-

OH MY GOD THAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Yes Elias – Brooklyn is a Hip Hop borough – no one wants to hear your country music garbage!

Oh snap! While Elias sason & R-Truth was fighting…

 1h1 hour ago

“like the Terminator, I’ll be back”   Asuka suffers collarbone injury at NXT TakeOver  

THE GRANT SAYS: Sounds like someone needs a massage on her collarbone… I’LL HELP…

GRANT BODY-P!

Here we go! John Cena is the surprise! Remember he is a free agent! He can go on any show! Sorry guys – you don’t get Bobby Roode just yet you fools!

UH-OH!!!! DOUBLE R! You don’t suppose they are gonna start this rivalry now?????

I don’t know what the crowd are chanting right now!

Oh I know now – they chanting UN-DER-TAY-KER!

Oh snap – Double R & John Cena were gonna come to blows and then that idiot Miz just had to ruin the runnings!

What the rarse does Bo Dallas have on???? You ain’t a pimp muthaf***a!

So let me get this right so I can understand this – Booing Cena & Reigns affects The Miz? I dunno – he sounds like a b!tch if you ask me!

Samoa Joe has come to join the party! UH-OH! JOE! JOE! JOE! JOE!

Crowd chanting YOU BOTH SUCK! Directed at Cena & Reigns! Oh dear! What did these guys doooooooo?!!!!!

I just remembered to follow that Kayla Braxton chick on the twitter – God dayuuuuuum – I saw her on Summerslams… Vincent Kennedy knows where all the kriss gyal are at!

Kayla Braxtons

DAYYUUUUUM KAYLA!!! You’re making me HIGGHHHHHHH!!! Baby baby baby – BABY!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Jason Jordan wants to test Finn Balor??? This kid is ambitious isn’t he?

I saw some stupidness on WWE’s YouTube earlier, talking about – what name should Rollins & Ambrose call themselves? THEY ARE THE SHIELD YOU DUMMY!

The Shield Vs  The Hardy Boyz? YES PLEASE!

A great contest between the two teams with the new tag champs victorious! The Hardys continue to lose… how long before they finally become ‘broken’?

OFFICIAL – BROCK LESNAR Vs BRAUN STROWMAN – WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION TITLE AT NO MERCY! Grant & Leva

I am so glad Sasha girl is the champion… one guy in the STC pointed out that Alexa Bliss got thighs… ok she got it going on but I don’t think she can hold a candle to the likes of Becky Lynch, Charlotte and especially not Nia Jax when it comes to thighs!

Mike Cole says Finn Balor was the only dude to stand up to Bray Wyatt’s deranged fighting style – er – hello??? Undertaker???? WrestleMania 31?????

Great effort by a guy I am proud to call ‘Double J’! Never that other idiot who owns the Global Farce Wrestling!

Now that Double R & Cena have mastered the art of not giving a f**k of how the crowd feels, they defeated the annoying Miz and the powerful Samoa Joe. Let the complaining on the internet begin I guess!

 

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1207, July 11, 2016!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

brockvorton

Well then! Brock Lesnar mash-up the dude Mark Hunt, Portugal won the Euro 2016, and muthaf***az are complaining about this Summerslam match up. I thought you guys wanted this match??? Do you want a refund like that idiot who complained because Danny Bryan was injured? You never heard the story? Check this out…

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/business/NBC10-Responds-WWE-Refund_Philadelphia-386306511.html

THE GRANT SAYS THIS: This muthaf***a hasn’t had any pu$$y in all his life! And is not likely to get any pu$$y any time soon! He gonna die and be in a box….a VIRGIN!

GRANT BODY-P!

In other news,  just remind me to put up a nice picture of that Miesha Tate lady…. I feel bad for her because she lost her title… but god damn – GOD DAMN!!!!!

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RAW #1207! I’m gonna put on my purple suit, god fist combo no pu$$y getting basement jabronies online, then I’m gonna BEAT UP JOHN CENA!

WWF PROPA TINGZ

OH NO! VINCENT KENNEDY IS ON THIS WEEK! We gonna see the Vincent Kennedy walk! He’s gonna say sh!t like “In this very ring…” and “I’m Vince McMahon damnit!” If I was Shane and Steph, I would hide behind the couch!!!!

This is gonna jump off with the battle royal! Winner gets to fight The Miz at the Battleground… because he’s The Miz… and he’s a B!TCH!!!

Wait a sec – did I just see Bob Backlund? YES I DID SEE Bob Backlund! Darren Young is out there… but I’m not watching him too much… he might think I want something….

GRANT BODY-P!

Yes Miz I agree with you – Maryse is beautiful but she doesn’t get my d!ck hard – SORRY!

Darren Young has won the sh!t! By eliminating NOBODY!!!!! I suppose he was the last man in the ring…. and the crowd are down with Darren Young! But I bet Darren Young wants to get down with the crowd!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

UH-OH!! The Rollins Report???? He got exclusive footage of Roman Reigns disrespecting the fans? I GOTTA SEE THIS!!! As a journalist, my ears and eyes will be razor-sharp like The RZA!

Plus! On the Battleground Highlight Reel… Jericho talks to Randall! Oh boy… that should be good!

So they remixed Wack Ryder’s music… wicked wow…. sense my sarcasm???? PENNY TAUGHT ME!

PENNY

Excellent work Sheamus! You mash-up Batty Ryder! Ten the super athlete put him in the accolade super move and accepts Ryder’s challenge for the US Championship! in which, Batty Ryder will lose again! This time Rusev… BREAK HIS BACK like your name is Bolo Yeung!

Ok we gonna see the footage!!!! What did Roman Reigns do? Was he that guy? Was he doing drugs? Did he cheat on his wife and find himself in a sex tape? Or was it that WrestleMania 31 footage when he pushed a fan for being all up in his grill?

Typical Seth Rollins! Editing the Roman Reigns interviews he had with Mike Cole! GET OUTTA HERE!!!! Edge & Christian did the same sh!t on their show that reeks of awesomeness! Only that I struggled to laugh at most of their sketches…

GRANT BODY-P!

Both Deano and Seth just delivered killer promos!!! They are doing a superb job of filling the void that is Roman Reigns!

Seth wants that one on one jump off so bad – he got it! But he wants to do it on his terms… dude – YOU STILL GON’ LOSE!!!

Still not amused that the Zayn Vs Owens jump off is a single match at Battleground… where is the muthaf**k!n stipulation WWE? They already had a single match in NXT! I don’t wanna see that sh!t again???? If you gonna end the feud… END IT RIGHT!

OH SNAP! VINCENT KENNEDY IS HERE! He’s gonna name the new ‘commissioner’ of Smackdown when it jumps off next week! NO – WRESTLING FANS – IT’S SOMEBODY ‘NEW’… someone who hasn’t run the show before! It’s a new era FOOL!

OH NO! John Cena is ‘practicing’ at the ESPY show? What sort of show is that??? Enzo & Cass are gonna get brukk up! Then the Bullet Club are gonna take a plane, fly down to wherever this show is…. and then…………….er….then er……………………………er…………………………………………………………………………….. BEAT UP JOHN CENA!!!!!!

Anytime these social idiots are on, that’s the time I disappear… so I’ll be back, after… I get this ice cream, pay some bills, and BEAT UP JOHN CENA! Get em TITUS! BRUKK THEM UP!

Miesha_Tate_7

Miesha Tate, what I WOULD LOVE TO DO TO YOU… half guard, full guard, mounted position, side control, work you all over that octagon!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

You mean to tell me Sasha punched Dana through school buses so much that Dana’s  messed up headtop challenged her to a match? Dana… I’ll have New Cross Hospital on notice, and if STC’S Ed Mulhall comes to visit… I cannot help you…

OH MY GAWD THAT IS ENOUGH!

AAAAAHH SH!T The New Day gone to the Wyatt Compound…. hey Wyatt – BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!! That was some wild sh!t!!!! PG gone out the window! That right there… they just showed the Hardy Bwoy how to do it!

By the way, I have not seen that video the Hardys have done… nor do I have any interest in watching 17 minutes of that sh!t! I am the Infamous Informer and I have better things to do!

Come on kids, How can you want Cena when he’s not there??? You want the Bullet club an excuse to beat him up?

Er…. maybe the kids have summoning powers!!!! John Cena is here! Now the Bullet Club can beat him up!!! Er kids… can you chant Naomi then she can turn GRANT BODY PHENOMup at my door????

GRANT BODY-P!

Now this is what I came to see! Dana you fine but you gonna get BUSS ARSE! As for you Charlotte, you look like you ready to jump out on a casual date with your boy!

Gotta say Dana Brooke is going in with this match though!!!!

Charlotte – I love you but you are outta order and bright – Sasha doesn’t get lucky – no one has been able to defeat her since she jumped on RAW! But you forgot about all that didn’t you Charlotte? Get down on your long knees, take it out my majestic member, and put it between your wet lips, and suck!

GRANT BODY-P!

This is it! We gonna find out who gonna be running tings! They left this segment til last… so this is bound to leave my jaw dropped!

Haha Steph and Shane gotta fight their corner in the boardroom! Vincent Kennedy turn into Alan Sugar now!

Shane got the Smackdown spot, Stephanie got RAW, RAW is still 3 hours… Vincent Kennedy wants them to compete even if they break the law!!!! Inherit the keys to the kingdom! Each gotta employ a general manager as well! Ahhh sh!t! I can hear the fans crying -‘take it back to TV 14! That’s breaking the law!’ And Stephanie nearly brukk her ankle coming down the ring steps! It would be a sad day to see Stephanie with a brukk foot! Then she tried to do the Vincent Kennedy walk! HAHAHAAHAHA! DON’T GIVE ME JOKE!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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Monday Night Raw #1182, January 18, 2016!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Aaaaaah sh!t! It’s about that time where Facebook’s #1 wrestling group leaves their keyboards, their HiPhones, their gidgets gadgets behind, come together and gather for the rumble… the ROYYYYAL RUMBLLLLLLLE!!! 30 men, The World Wrestling Federation Championship, somebody will be the champion and headline WrestleMania! Somebody in the Smack Talk Centre will be at least £30 richer, and the prestigious Smack Talk Centre Championship is on the line! Who gonna look good in their outfit?

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But before that, who you backing? who you think gonna win the rumble? Is AJ Styles & Co gonna appear? WELL DON’T GET GASSED! YOU are to blame if they don’t appear and you get angry… NOT MY PROBLEM!

GRANT BODY -P!

Find out on this week’s STC From The UK Show! Saturday 5pm UK 12noon EST! On BDSIR NETWORK – The Best Damn Show In Radiaaah!!!

RAW #1182! I am the Infamous Informer, Don’t get my hands dirty, I got goons that spray, quick to kill a motherf****r, like BOOM BYE YEAH!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZI HAVE A DREAM! That one day, Internet Wrestling Know It Alls would stop reading dirt shets, buying into everything they read, then throw wobblys because Cesaro isn’t pushed to the main event….

I HAVE A DREAM! That one day, Jimmy Uso will give Naomi a free pass, and she will travel here to the UK, find the Infamous Informer, and throw on some Raphael Saadiq, Backs Dat @$$ Up and allows him to give her one piece of sweet loving!

GRANT LUTHER KING!

Roman Reigns has come down the stairs! Brock Lesnar caused an injustice! He calls out Brock, but gets Jericho!

Jericho is inviting Reigns to come on the Highlight Reel with Brock! Well Jericho, prepare to have your Jeritron 65000 destroyed!!! That thing is going over somebody’s headtop surely!

Look at these League of Nation fools… they want in to the highlight reel… they all claim they gonna win the Rumble… as usual – we ALL wanna win the Rumble! Sh!t I wanna win the Rumble! But if those lights go out and the bell tolls… f**k that – over the top rope I go – ME GONE! (What about Brock Grant?) Oh I’ll hide underneath the ring until he’s gone!

After all that chatting… Roman Reigns Fights Rusev! Jericho is now the guest referee! Just like HBK… I don’t trust that Jericho! It’s one Vs all right? Roman Reigns watch your back rude boy!

Wait a minute – League of Nations at ringside??? TEEEEEEEF!!!! The ref should run them out the arena! But it’s Jericho, he wouldn’t do that… he’d rather beat out their blodclart himself!

High risk maneuver coming up – Rusev tries a Samoan Drop off the top ropes, Reigns counters – sit out power bomb to Rusev – BLAOW!!!!

Sheamus tried to teef – Jericho caught him! GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE! Barrett tries to reason with his big nose – COME OUT! Jericho is law & order! Bertie tries to reason… he’s out as well! Jericho doing the cartwheel while he’s doing it! Roman hits the superman punch and the spear to Rusev… BLAOW! 1….2…and….3!!!! League of WHAT? F**KOUTTAHERE!

Look at the chemistry between Jericho and Stephanie… god damnit Jericho wants to f**k her bad! You can see it in his face! I mean… one of these days… I will interview Jericho, and I want the TRUTH!

Look who’s back! Natalya! look at her suit – she got no draws on underneath that! So is Paige! Urgh… I still hate that b!tch! Natalya fighting Brie – you know it’s all about the Total Divas – THEY’RE BACK BABY!

Total Divas - Season 5

 

TOTAL DIVAS — Season: 5 — Pictured: “Total Divas” Season 5 Key Art — (Photo by: E! Entertainment)

6 of the 8 women would get the D from me… one of em is obvious but can you guess the other one? Answers on a postcard – tweet me @MZATheInfamous!

GRANT BODY -P!

While the Dudleys and Ryback are fighting each other in six man tag competition… just to confirm – Natalya had NO DRAWS ON! Something has happened to that woman…it’s

Natalya - No draws

Photo courtesy of that dutty bwoy Steadx!

almost as if Nikki passed the freaky baton on to Natalya! A Lie Me Ah Tell?

Not these blasted Social Outcasts… Big Show just punch all four of these jabronies through school buses!

Curtis Axel still on that Royal Rumble 2015 sh!t… can this fool enter the Rumble at #1 so that the #2 entrant can eliminate his blodclart?

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaaaaah sh!t – Stephanie injecting a lethal dose of TEEEEEF into the League of Nations! Come on guys??? a a King of the Ring Winner, a 40 man Royal Rumble winner and a former World Wrestling Federation Champion running scared of Jericho??? Stephanie just told them to f**k him up!

It’s kinda funny how Stephanie tells Jericho how it’s not 1999 anymore… I remember what happened in 1999, don’t you wrestling fans???!!!

For real Vincent Kennedy? 30 balls in that muthaf***a? And Roman Reigns gotta go first??? In the interest of fairness, they did try it 3 times… and it was… ROMAN REIGNS!!!! TEEEEEEEEEEEEF! Come on Roman – it can be done!!!! Gotta look strong right??!!!

Side note – Stephanie teasing the WWE Universe on some ‘somebody we haven’t seen before’ to win the Rumble or become #1 entrant… referring to AJ Styles & The Bullet Club or Nakumara? You should be so lucky… SHUT THE F**K UP!

GRANT BODY -P!

I am himBecky Lynch faces off against my girl Tamina…changed her music too… argh man you mean they couldn’t use the Busta Rhymes tune – I Love My B!tch????!

It’s official – 2 of the three members of Team BAD are out here… Sasha Banks is out the game… god damnit… just when Team BAD’s creative vaginal juices were about to flow…

GRANT BODY-P!!

Meanwhile Kevin Owens is trying to show Mike Cole how to do it on commentary… don’t do it too well Owens! F**k around and Vincent Kennedy will have you there pernamently like he tried with Randy Savage!

I know the New Day did not just hold a service for Franchesca the Trombone! All three guys dressed in black! Look what you have done Jericho! YOU MURDERER! I mean, what you did makes Chris Benoit look like an angel! How can WWE allow this man (Jericho) to be on TV??? They should erase him from history! HE KILLED A TROMBONE PEOPLE! While you jabronies pay to see him and his Fozzy jabronies singing nonsense and making unnecessary noise with the guitar??? WAKE UP PEOPLE! Cut off the funding towards his podcasts!

The New Day will exact their revenge, starting with The Uso brudda… they will fight for the Tag Titles… but they don’t have Franchesca… it cannot simply be replaced???

Whoa Whoa Whoa! Hold up – Mark Henry, Titus & R-Truth  – is that another team about to brew??? They have a dream.. and so does Neville! They will one day become World Wrestling Federation Champion! Sometimes guys, I like all of you but… dreams are just that – A DREAM!

They are up against The Ascension, Tyler Breeze and Stardust – with all these 4 man teams going on, can’t we have the Survivor Series as the next PPV? Do that traditional 4 vs 4 sh!t???

I’m gonna call this team – TEAM MLK… they all mashed up Tyler Breeze with their super moves! BALL GAME! Yo Tyler… NXT is THAT WAY! I don’t care how good you are as a wrestler – you wear that frilly sh!t – I ain’t taking your b!tch @$$ seriously!

GRANT BODY – P!

Aaaah sh!t – Where’s the Jeritron 650000 at? Holy crap – Jericho just told Heyman to Shut The Hell Up??? Ok – dude is going to Suplex City!

Say what? Did Jericho just ask Heyman if he has no faith in Brock winning the Rumble? Good counter by Heyman – Lesnar never got pinned or submitted when he lost the title… Heyman promises Brock will turn the Rumble into Suplex City! But who gonna eliminate Brock? That’s what I wanna know!

Jericho is sure of himself isn’t he? He really thinks he can throw Lesnar out the Rumble! It’s almost as if Jericho heard me ask the question! So did Brock by the sounds of things!

I think Roman heard me too! He’s coming down the stairs! The man who laughed in Suplex City!!!! I hope that tatical vest plays well Roman!

Reigns hit the spear to Lesnar – BLAOW! But the League of nations rushed the ring! I don’t know why… as Lesnar mashed them all up! But Reigns comes with another spear – BLAOW! Next minute the Wyatt man come! Check this out – they f**ked up Lesnar! You think they gonna take him away and harvest his powers too?

SH!T! The Wyatt Family killed muthaf***az like BOOM BYE YEAH!!!

SEE YOU AT RILEY’S SPORTS BAR WOLVERHAMPTON THIS SUNDAY MUTHAF***AZ!

SEE YOU AT RILEY’S SPORTS BAR WOLVERHAMPTON THIS SUNDAY MUTHAF***AZ!

SALUTE. GRANT BODY-P!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#WHOEVERLOSESIWIN

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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 Monday Night Raw #1181, January 11, 2016!!!

Before we go any further I would like to wish the man himself a great birthday. Happy Birthday to Wolverhamptons Finest

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I wanna take this time and say THANK YOU to the Celtic Warrior Sheamus, who happily volunteered to take the Infamous Informer’s Birthday beatings for him! I gotta give him props, he took those suplexes like a boss… and put up a good fight in the process! Since the day Sheamus eliminated Dolph Ziggler out the Royal Rumble a year or so ago, that man can do nothing wrong in my eyes! Gratitude is infinite Sheamus!!

My facebook has blown up. My twitter has blown up. my phone has been firing all day. Yes! It is The Infamous Informer’s 36th Birthday! Do you think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself?

GRANT BODY -P!

RAW #1181! LAYDEEZ! SHOE THE BIRTHDAY BOY YOUR T!TT!£$!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZAaaaah sh!t every superstar out on stage! And Vincent Kennedy’s music hits! Look at The New Day! They’re dancing to the theme music! Everyone else standing up straight!

See this is history right here… because the first time, the title was vacant. This time, Roman is defending the title. NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE. Hold up!!!! Roman coming down the stairs!!!

Roman believes he can win! Well I would! Roman eliminated the most people! He won the rumble last year (yeah I see your blood about to boil…you really need to let bygones be bygones!)

So this is how it goes down – Vincent Kennedy is putting Roman to the test! In a 1…Vs All match… you mean like, the whole roster are gonna rush Roman Reigns??? The only man who may not have to be in it is Deano… who got blindsided by my hero Sheamus! Their contest starts now!

Sheamus looks like he never met Brock Lesnar! I know the house shows don’t exactly count… but Sheamus looks like he just won the powerball!

Clearly these two love to fight… there will be no contest today!!! Was Sheamus busted open? Irrelavant – Kevin Owens rushed Ambrose!

I apologise for I was meant to writ the SmackDown Blog last week, Kevin Owens and Ambrose had an Intercontinental title match, and by the looks of things… that didn’t go anywhere… to quote STC’s Aydenn Wardle… It HAS to be a falls count anywhere thing or something at the Rumble… don’t talk to me about a single match… these two wanna destroy each other – not use headlock takeovers and fireman’s carry and sh!t! You wanna see that – the highly credited WrestleKingdom 10 is on YouTube now – I can say this – I haven’t got time to watch that sh!t!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

The situation may change again!!!! Whoever wins the Royal Rumble, becomes the World Wrestling Federation Champion… but also faces BRRRROCCCCK LESSSSNAR??!!!! Assuming the haters are right… are WWE trying to cook a Reigns vs Lesnar II? But with the roles reversed??? Vincent kennedy doesn’t like the idea… suddenly I don’t think I would wanna win the Rumble now!!!

First Raw episode

You know… considering that, Undertaker in the main event of the very first RAW, and sharing a birthday with Mary J Blige… The Infamous informer has always been a ‘blessed’ man… ask your woman…

GRANT BODY – P!!!

This Highlight Reel should be off the hook!!!! The New Day as the guests?? Y2J got lyrics to go??? He just called em – Green Day???

Aaaah sh!t – Jericho got the Jeritron 65000! what happened to the last one? Oh yeah Jericho broke his own sh!t putting Shawn Michaels head through it!!!

Jericho claims to win the Rumble!!! I suggest you reconsider Jericho… Brock might already be at WrestleMania waiting…

The New Day are here! They wouldn’t break the Jeritron gidgets gadgets would they???

And Hold up – The Uso brudda???!! New Day bex they not the tag team of the year – I don’t blame em… that Save The Tables campaign went in vain… Look at the Usos flashing the awards in New Day’s face… come on guys! Power of positivity! don’t be bex – that’s negative vibes!!!

That’s the spirit Xavier! Play that Trombone! But playing it in Jericho’s face??? er…not a good idea! Did you see how Xavier ran a mile after jericho scared him hahahaha!

Xavier tried to teef! But Jericho picked up the trombone… and committed the most abomidable of all sins – he broke the trombone!!! How could he do something like that???

WHOA! Vincent Kennedy sticking to his guns! He refuses to let Heyman and Lesnar have their way! Ok this just got interesting…

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Big ups to Sting! First entrant in the Hall Of Fame 2016! But some of you jabronies say he doesn’t deserve it… well THE GRANT SAYS – you don’t deserve that large pizza you just got while you sitting on your @$$! You fat f**k – you broke your New Years Resolution already!

I don’t know where these Social Outcasts are going! Y’all better start fighting for your contracts – let alone fight the Wyatts!

Backside! just before the Wyatts was about tto f**k up these fools… The Ryback comes out like – don’t f**k with me! The question remains – they got Big Show too – why didn’t he come out after the Wyatt man dem?

Kalisto – YOUR TIME NOW! Can you mash up Bertie for the World Wrestling Federation for the US Title?

 

 

GRANT BODY-P!!!

GRANT BODY-P!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#WHOEVERLOSESIWIN

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

CLICK HERE TO OUR SMACK TALK CENTRE YOUTUBE CHANNEL

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

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Monday Night Raw #1180, January 4, 2016!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Show Charlie Murphy your titties

The realization just hit me.  Next Monday… It’s the Infamous Informer’s birthday! LAYDEEZ!!! Show Mike Dogg your t!tt!£$!! I think I should have a week off don’t you? F**k that – I GOTTA WORK! I want to continue entertaining you readers! But I warn you.. if you don’t see next week’s blog for some reason… that’s because either Jimmy Uso gave Naomi her ‘free pass’ or… The Infamous Informer is sexing your chick while you’re complaining on the internet about Roman Reigns!

GRANT BODY -P!

RAW #1180! LETS GET THAT 2016 FLOW! HOL’DAT – BLAOW!

WWF PROPA TINGZWell Stephanie doesn’t look too happy… but look who’s waiting at the stairs! Roman Reigns! Stephanie is talking calm… oooooooooh…that’s not good! She says she gonna make him suffer and fight for no reason until his body is destroyed! Roman says he’s gonna put a 70 year old man in Vincent Kennedy in the hospital if he f**ks with his title!!!! The question is out there!!! What is gonna happen in the title match? The Grant says this… it looks like Roman gonna f**k up Vincent Kennedy… but TRIPLE TEEF comes back… and USES DA HAMMER!!! That’s why Stephanie is talking so calm! WATCH DA RYDE!

Oh snap! Neville Vs Kevin Owens again??? AAAH yeah again and again! Will Neville neat Owens again in record time? If he does he’d better run like he should have done last week! But wait! Ambrose is at ringside… maybe Neville doesn’t need to run!

Say what???? Brock Lesnar returns on the Infamous Informer’s Born day??? Sh!t… I don’t want birthday suplexes! I bet it was you internet b!tches told him about me…

What a nasty Spike DDT from the top rope from Owens! Neville neck should have broke! SH!T! But Neville was fist and fire all over Owens! mash-up ribs and all!

Kevin Owens is STILL DA MAN! Neville did the right thing this time… just take the loss, Owens will show mercy….

Ooops! maybe not! Owens still wanted to beatdown Neville! Ambrose is having none of it! Deano, set up Owens on the announce table… Deano runs round the barricade, elbow drop to Owens through the table – BLAOW!!! And Deano grips the headpiece of Owens as if to say – DON’T F**K WITH ME!!!! Yo come the Intercontinental title match I don’t wanna see no basic singles match – these two guys are streetfighters! Take it back to the bars where the APA used to hang out!

AAAAAH SH!T! Vincent Kennedy is here! Yes, he broke the law last week, but this week, he IS THE LAW! Shout out to Motorhead!

Come on Titus! Brukk up that Stardust!!! Mash him up!!!! Beat out his blodclart!!!

Oh dear! Why doesn’t Stardust like when the crowd chant ‘Cody’??? I mean… the crowd are supporting him aren’t they??? They’re not? Oh dear….

The Clash of the Titus super move by O’Neill! BLAOW!!! Oh dear – Stardust is reading his own horoscope! It says – You got knocked the f**k out!

Looks like Becky & Charlotte gonna have another friendly wrestling contest…. YEAH RIGHT!!! Look at Ric Flair creep up behind Becky like – WOOOOOOOO!!! I’m telling you – he wants to f**k Becky!!! Yo Flair! The blue smarties is THAT WAY!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Nice entrance by Becky!!! I mean, she always had it in the NXT… but it’s good to see it here!

Look at Ric Flair doing his strut while the ladies are having a sparring contest! I mean sh!t! I would! I don’t know what Charlotte has been spending her WWE divas champion money on – but she’s been looking fine lately!

Oh yeah! Ric Flair gonna be on the Austin podcast next week too! WWE is being GOOD TO ME!!! All I need is Naomi…

There’s a sign in the crowd saying ‘We Want Tamina’… So Do I!!!! Can’t I have all of TeamBAD for my Birthday next week???

Hold up – Becky grabbed the tights and beat Charlotte! Charlotte don’t like that sh!t because Becky was gloating in front of her father! Now Charlotte is beating down her so-called friend! Oh dear!

Did Sheamus just call Vincent Kennedy his ‘Irish cousin’??!!!! HAHAHA!!! How can you jabronies dislike Sheamus when he has a way with words? Oh I get it… he’s not CM P…. Can that be a New Years Resolution? To not mention that muthaf***a’s name??? It’s 2016! He’s not important to us! Unless it’s the YOU EFF CEE…

Ok I’m getting bored of wrestling match after wrestling match… The Ryback fights The Big Show… yes people… this came on last week… so I’m gonna take my medicine because The Grant is sick of this sh!t!!!! Give me a storyline segment already!

AAAH SH!T! Hold the medicine! Why The Wyatt man dem wanna f**k up Ryback? What’s this about???

Hold up – They got The Big Show too!!! This is what I don’t get – The Wyatts can’t harvest any power from Show and The Ryback so what are they tryna accomplish????

Aah yes… The Royal Rumble… But it’s every man for himself though right? 4 guys cannot go to WrestleMania???? Er…

Meanwhile Dolph Ziggler is hoping to punch his ticket to big BIG WrestleMania…haahahahaha The Grant says – He will have his best Rumble performance yet… but… DREAM… DREAM….DREAM….. I BROUGHT YOU ALL MY DREAMS!!!!!!

GRANT BODY – P!

Mike wake up – wha-what-What- yo Heath Slater beat Ziggler!!! BACKSIDE!!! And Slater has a new crew! No not the 4-man band… they are #SocialOutcasts… ok well… anyway…

Vincent Kennedy is giving me joke! Telling both Sheamus and Roman Reigns that it will be a fair contest!!! (YEAH RIGHT…!!!)

Thank you to STC’s David Connor Richardson… I could have done without that information, now I didn’t get to mark out that Chris Jericho turned up! Yes the ratings need a boost, network subscriptions need a boost… to do that Jericho all you have to do is tease Stephanie’s fine @$$… job done!

Aaah sh!t – Jericho gonna enter the Royal Rumble??? Well Jericho… your fate will be the same as Ziggler… DREAM…DREAM…DREAM… I BROUGHT YOU ALL MY DREAMS!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kalisto and the Dudley Boys combine their force to compete against the UpUpDownDown guys… I’m sure the trombone will get involved, but I wanna see Team BAD… can’t they interfere in this match or something and shake they @$$??WWE2K16 GRANT BODY -P!

That was a nasty splash off the apron to Kalisto from Big E! But whining up his waist in front of  a guy is not cool yo!!! If that was me I would have got on the mic and called out Team BAD! If they gave me the creative keys…Team BAD would be in BIG trouble!

HAHAHAHA!!! Vincent Kennedy with the power walk in his referee shirt! He could have done with a tan though… His old man body is starting to show!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

And the match is under way!!! I hope Vincent Kennedy calls it down the middle!!! But we both know that ain’t gonna happen!

Wait a minute… Sheamus used the stairs!! THAT’S TEEF! And Vincent Kennedy had his back turned!!! Hey Vince! You said no underhanded tactics!

Remember Roman! Don’t let Sheamus put you in the submission move! Vince is a very ‘inexperienced’ referee!!!

VINCENT KENNEDY TEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!! What sort of slow count was that??!!! Roman Reigns WILL f**k him up!!! But I’m sure that Triple Teef is behind the curtain with that hammer…

Reigns goes for the cover again… this time Vincent Kennedy needs eye drops! He is 70 after all!

Why did Roman hit the Superman Punch on Vincent Kennedy? How is he gonna win???

Stephanie gets involved too! And a crooked referee! Still waiting on that Triple Teef!!!

Somehow, Roman Reigns survives… but check this out… Vincent Kennedy flips the script! Roman Reigns must defend his title against 29 other men… er that’s right… The Royal Rumble is for the World Wrestling Federation Championship! That hasn’t been done since 1992!!! This has changed EVERYTHING!!! Er now is a good time to play that track Grant…

GRANT BODY-P!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#WHOEVERLOSESIWIN

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

CLICK HERE TO OUR SMACK TALK CENTRE YOUTUBE CHANNEL

FOLLOW SMACK TALK CENTRE ON TWITTER

DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

NEW STC LOGO 2015

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Gratefully reproduced by kind permission of The Infamous Informer at Smack Talk Centre RAW

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