Tag Archives: Jason Jordan

Monday Night Raw #1273, October 23, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

IWC fools

It’s gonna hurt me to say this more than it will hurt the man in question… but Aydenn Wardle: Give me your wrestling card. You are not worthy of it. You said (on a J.A.M.M.S. Podcast I might add) that if Shinsuke Nakumura lost to Jinder Mahal at Hell In A Cell, you would hand it in and not watch AJ Styles Vs Shinsuke Nakumura if it happened at WrestleMania 34. But there you are STILL watching, and STILL complaining that while Finn Balor Vs AJ Styles was a great contest (which it was), you said the TLC match itself was garbage. So ok – Strowman & Kane go through announce tables, Kurt dons the Shield gear, The Shield get double chokeslammed through tables, Braun & Kane fight amongst each other, Kane chokeslams Braun off the stage, drops 20 chairs all over him, Braun comes back – pie faces his own team, the team rush him and throw him in the dumpster truck, Kane gets double speared through the barricade, Angle comes back – drops the olympic slam on Cesaro & Sheamus (prior to that he took most of the team to suplex city) then he and The Shield completely destroy The Miz for the win and YOU SAID IT WAS GARBAGE? YOUR CARD. GIVE IT TO ME!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1273! My apologies to my readers at Cage Amateurs UK: When Virgin Media pull the plug because I didn’t pay those bills, life offline is a bit lonely!

Steph Raw

 Now really and truly, I shouldn’t be watching live because I have a hospital appointment in the morning, (or rather by the time you read this I’ve already been to the hospital) but… Brock Lesnar gonna sign Jinder Mahal’s death warrant- er I mean answer the challenge for the Survivor Series!

But first – KUUUUUUURT!!! I was concerned about him at the PPV, but thank god he’s ok, he may have got put through a table by Strowman, but he’s still standing strong!

Raaaaar! It’s champion Vs champion at the Survivor Series! Plus 5 Vs 5 Tradtional Raw Vs Smackdown mens & womens matches!

Miz thinks Raw is his show? He got BUSS ARSE at the PPV! He’s more like Raw’s B!TCH!

Look at him complaining and sh!t… Kurt needs to tell him to shut the f**k up!

I know the Miz & the Bar was not gonna rush Kurt and brukk him up… thank god for the Shield! That would have been injustice right there!

Oh snap! 6 man jump off right now! The Bar/Miz face The Shield & AJ Styles! Good on this dude – he’s staying on Raw for the Monday too! Give this man MVP of the week please!

Ok guys – as much as I wanna hang around and watch RAW live, as stated above – I gotta fin my bed. I don’t wanna be walking like a zombie to the hospital tomorrow! Don’t worry – your boy is ok, just come off the medication and they are monitoring your favourite daywalker. (Very funny you think I was on medication because I don’t know my wrestling sh!t like you guys…go jerk off over Alexa Bliss…)

GRANT BODY-P!

Ok I’m back… the hospital could have called me to tell me the good news instead of me going clean up there only to be there for 5 minutes… let’s get on with this week’s World Wrestling Federation.

I love a good old ruckus match I do! Bodies everywhere! Camera can’t keep still! I love it! Finishing with a phenomenal forearm to Cesaro’s headcrown – BLOAW! All that technical sh!t is boring – GIVE ME RUCKUS! that’s what The Shield, the Miz, the bar and The Phenomenal One did!

OH NO! IT’S KAAAAAAAANE! Should be no problem for The Shield and AJ… right??????

Is it me or can I hear fans chanting for Roman? Er – dude is sick! Mash up with meningitis and sh!t… now you cheer for him… fickle… that’s why I can’t f**k with you wrestling fans sometimes! You’re worse than a b!tch on her period!

GRANT BODY-P!

Kane has decided to chill with us! I like how they treating his promo treatment – lighting all red, titan tron with flames and sh!t… that’s what I’m talking about!

He says he’s Raw’s original monster! I gotta agree with Kane I’m sorry! I mean yes, Strowman has pushed over ambulances, broken rings, walked out of a truck crash, nearly destroyed Brock Lesnar… but my hero Kane… he impregnated Lita, he tombstoned a priest, he electrocuted Shane’s balls, he buried his own brother alive… he’s been carried to the ring in chains once, and my personal favourite – he set people on fire for joke!

As much as I love Finn Balor, he has no chance against my hero Kane! I mean… he didn’t have to put the demon paint on against AJ Styles… but here, he’s just a man!

Finn Balor! Front drop kick to Kane to the turnbuckles! Set up for the Coup De Grace! But Kane sat right up! NO! Chokeslam off the top ropes! Balor tried to counter but the grip was too much! Chokeslam – BLOAW!

Not going for the cover! Grabs Balor by the neck again – another chokeslam – BLAOW!

NOT A THIRD!!! What did Balor do to deserve this!!! He’s a good man! CHOKESLAM – BLAOW! BACK BRUKK!!!

Emma has another chance to make Asuka see the lights for the first time in her WWE career! I’m telling you now – she needs Dana Brooke by her side again… I don’t know why they split them up in the first place…

Wait a second! Didn’t I watch Elias Samson Vs Jason Jordan already? I don’t need to see this sh!t again… hey WWE – if people missed it they can watch the PPV on the network!

Wait – I take that back – Jason Jordan coming with that ruthless aggression yo! Elias getting charged into the barricades! But Elias had to teef – he found a guitar and lick it over Jordan’s head – BLAOW!

Oh sorry guys – it was the shoulder of Jason Jordan… sorry if I got you excited for a hot minute…

GRANT BODY -P!

Drew Gulak – do not do speeches/pitches again – you sound like one of those idiots from The Apprentice!

Holy smokes Gran Metalik! He’s taken ‘walking the ropes’ to a new level hasn’t he! His athleticism is crazy!!!! He makes Super Crazy look Super Dull!

So Enzo’s crew are called ‘The Zo Train’? Sounds like a male version of the Ho train… oh wait – that IS what it is! I knew something was up with the way Enzo dressed…

GRANT BODY-P!

“The same someone, who barely survived Randy Orton, the same soemone who barely survived Shinsuke Nakumura…” Yes boys and girls, this fool wants to test BRRRROCCCK LESSSNAR! The same dude who took Cena to SUUUUUPLEXXXXX CITTTTTY! The same dude who…(deep breath) broke the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania, The same someone who has conquered Samoa Joe, Braun Strowman, and Goldberg… somebody order a straight jacket for Jinder Mahal NOW!

Look at Brock – he’s laughing! Pacing up and down like –  “a wha dis bwoy gwarn on wid eh?”

“When we think of WWE Champions, we think of Bruno Sammartino, Nagoh Kluh, Macho Man Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and BRRRROOCCCK LESSSSNAR!!!!”

Er Heyman, what about Stone Cold Steve Austin? The Rock? The UNNNNDERRRTAYYYKERR? DISRESPECT!

I’ve come to the conclusion that Alexa Bliss is UGLY. YEAAAAH I SAID IT! I’m actually taking a good look at her – look at the amount of make up the b!tch got on! She that b!tch that when you put it in you think it’s the best sex ever, your eyes are watering, you are crying out like Lexington Steele, you reach the point of no return, buss your nut, go to sleep, wake up the next day to say good morning to her and JESUS CHRIST – she looks like Sister Abigail and sh!t!

church choir

080915, Atlanta, GA: Marcus Ross (cq) and the Beulahland Bible Church choir of Macon, Ga. perform in the “How Sweet The Sound” regional church choir competition at Philips Arena on September 15, 2008. “I felt like a star on stage,” Ross said.MIKKI K. HARRIS / mkharris@ajc.com

I will agree with the b!tch though, y’all wrestling fans is GAY. You chant ‘This is awesome’ when AJ Styles and Finn Balor stare each other in the face, but when Alexa and Mickie James sexy @$$ is on you sit there contemplating a toilet break…

Speaking of Mickie James – DAYYUUUUUUUUM! How did she get that in those jeans! Look at the high heels! Hold up – kick to the gut – tornado DDT in those heels! BLAOW! YES! Alexa Bliss deserved that sh!t!GRANT WWDJC2

Ok – Alicia Fox Vs Bayley vs Sasha – winner gets to be team captain for the women’s RAW team – Well The Grant Says – why is this even a question? Sasha is THE BOSS – she is a leader – not a follower! This match should not be taking place!

Actually I would love Alicia to be the captain – she is giving me joke ringing the bell like that! This ain’t Game of Thrones Alicia?!

OH SH!T!!! Alicia IS EL CAPITAIN!!! This is gonna be great! I LIKE THIS!

Hold up – Shane McMahon and the Smackdown brand? they think they are The Shield now coming down the stairs? They can’t be here???!!! What is this!

OH SNAP! UNDER SIEGE????!!! They brukk up the Titus Brand!

I can see Mr Strong Style there! He can take on the whole Raw Roster if he wanted to!

WROOOOOOY!!! THE LADIES ARE GOING AT IT! YES! PULL EACH OTHER’S WEAVE OUT!

Dean Ambrose said The Shield can take on the world – well how about half the Smackdown roster? Steel chairs in hand! Where’s Jim Ross when you need him?!

OH MY GOD THEY GOT KURT!!!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! HE’S INNOCENT!

HOLY SMOKES!!! You know Kurt ain’t gonna take this lying down! He’s gonna call his squad… and if he brings Kane and Strowman…. all I’m saying is – DON’T HURT MY NAOMI! OR ELSE!!!!

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