Tag Archives: Kurt Angle

Monday Night Raw #1302, May 7, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

SERIOUSLY???

backlash-fans-leaving

WALKING OUT THE JOINT? It couldn’t have been THAT BAD???

Guys – he didn’t win the World Wrestling Federation Championship… you do know that right?

You know what – your actions makes me NOT wanna write this blog word up!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1302! Ok I do agree with you guys, Samoa Joe Vs Double R should NOT have been the main event… that’s taking the p!$$!

I got those big @$$ hula hoops, spicy chilli flavor, mint aero (actually I might put that back and wait for Smackdown because that’s Naomi flavour) and get the jaffa cakes… come on WWE give me some joke!

I am already experiencing problems with this stream, and with the mood I’m in, I might just switch it off, and put on that Cobra Kai thing on YouTube…  have you seen it yet? I’ve watched the first two episodes, and it’s already compelling! Good job Ralph Macchio!

Braun Strowman Vs Kevin Owens, winner goes through to Money Innah Bank… unlucky Kevin!!!

“THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE YOU COWARD!!!!”  Braun is f**k!n up Kevin Owens!

Check it – 4 superstars each from RAW & Smackdowns (Men & Women) will compete in the Money Innah Bank Ladder match… this is what I’m saying! STEP THEIR GAME UP! On the same token, this is on YOUR HEAD fans! You’re the ones like ‘cut down the PPVs’… so don’t come with your noise like ‘why is this guy not in it’??? SHUT THE F**K UP!

Happy Birthday Kevin Owens! Oh man! He really is getting birthday beatings!

HAHAHAHA!!!! The run around the ring and then box him down! PUT THAT MOVE IN WWE 2K19 PLEASE!!! What we do know… Braun is going to Money In The Bank… that’s worries for everybody!

The Big Dog is p!$$£d the f**k off!!! AND RIGHTFULLY SO! But what about Mr Lesnar? Aaaaaaah sheeeeeet he’s gonna beat the 434 streak for real!

Jinder thinks he should be in the Money In The Bank ladder match? He’s almost as insane as Kanye according to Jiggaman!

GRANT BODY-P!

Sasha Banks Vs Ember Moon Vs Ruby Riott… winner goes to Money In The Bank… Sasha girl you fine but backing Ember Moon here!!! OWWWWWWWW!!!

OH SH!T! Something went down in the crowd to make security escort them out the building! What the hell happened? Answers on a postcard please! Crowd was chanting YOU DESERVE IT! Don’t tell me someone was masturbating over Liv Morgan?

GRANT BODY-P!

The Riot Squad being teef with Sasha Banks! Bayley came down to help! But this enabled Ember Moon to hit the Eclipse on Ruby Riot – BLAOW!

Gotta love WWE right? Talking about Bobby Lashley’s career, and blatantly ignoring the

Renee ypung sexy ass

Photo courtesy of Edd Mulhall

TNA sh!t! Renee Young wants to know about Bobby Lashley the man… more like she secretly wants some BBC –

OH MY GOD!!! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING!!! YO YO YO!!!! STOP IT!!!

Check it – Jinder Mahal must defeat Chad Gable…if he wants to get into the Money In the bank… wait – the Coach just said Chad reminds him of a young Kurt Angle… Jason Jordan are you watching this???

Jinder Mahal got the Collass on Chad Gable – BLAOW!!! But Mahal wanted to buss up Chad Gable after that… oh dear…

After all that!!!! Kurt Angle gave Jinder a NAUGHT! What a b!tch!

Who would want to Walk With Elias when you can Strut Gloriously with Bobby Roode??

There’s my pick right there!!! Bobby Roode to win the Money Innah Bank! Imagine the storylines going forward! Braun is too obvious… he would cause the most ruckus….actually he would be a good choice as well!

Who wants to test Seth Rollins for the Intercontinental Championship? Oh no… Mojo Rawley? This fool? Yo Seth – send for the TANDEM ENGINE!

Gotta admit – Mojo Rawley is going IN against Seth Rollins! But he couldn’t withstand the curb stomp – BLAOW!

Look at Rollins swinging the belt like a helicopter like his name is Petey Pablo!

Fancy that… The Deleater Of Worlds facing ‘Daxel’… Brother must fight brother! (Wyatt Vs Bo Dallas) This should be good!

Oh it’s finished already? Sorry I was playing Street Fighter…

GRANT BODY-P!

Finn Balor Vs Sami Zayn Vs Roman Reigns! Winner goes to Money Innah Bank! Imagine if Reigns won… oh boy oh boy!

OH SNAP! WWE is in the UK next week! Aaaah sheeeeeet! Get restraining orders ready for the following women: Natalya, Nia Jax, Naomi, Charlotte & Becky… if the Infamous Informer is within 10 feet of those lovely young ladies – arrest him on the spot!

WWE SPICE GIRLS

Jinder Mahal baited it up for Reigns! He’s gonna pay for that I will assure you!

Finn Balor hits the Coup De Grace on Sami Zayn! Balor advances! Are you happy now muthaf***az? Balor is on a PPV! Now shut the f**k up!

GRANT BODY-P!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1293, March 5, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I hope you die-hard wrestling fans hate me, that’s ok, because I hate you right back!

This is what I don’t understand, you see 30 second squash matches on RAW every other week, hell – Sheamus defeated Danny Bryan in 18 seconds at WrestleMania 28 for crying out loud. And yet, you muthaf***az are complaining on the internet over something that happened at a HOUSE SHOW, which you never witnessed live (unless you were in the building of course) you never PAID FOR IT, and above all else, you UK FANS were SNOWED IN! You weren’t moving anywhere! With that said…

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Oh wait, I do understand… it was in Chicago, the place where they worship some guy who doesn’t give a f**k about them…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1293! What’s this I hear about a 50-man Royal Rumble????? Saudi Arabia be making major moves star!

Greatest Royal Rumble

I got cookies, a cup of soup, and a Jamaica Ginger Cake with custard for later! LET’S DO THIS SH!T KURK!

KURT IS CALLING TRIPLE TEEF OUT! HE’S BACKED OFF HIS JACKET TOO!

Wait a minute – Kurt stripping off clothes and Stephanie comes out here? We know you want Kurt to f**k you one more time!

GRANT BODY-P!

Listen to Stephanie wukkin brain! Know Your Role Kurt! Make matches Kurt! Use your head Kurt!

Ronda Rousey is all smiles! She must have had sex earlier!

GRANT THAT IS ENOUGH!

Hold on – Ronda said her debut match at WrestleMania -she can choose anyone she wanted! Er… Stephanie??

Wait a minute – I thought Triple wasn’t here yet!

Oh no! Turns out Stephanie has a second contract as a WWE Superstar! Same with Triple H! Kurt is doing his job – he’s making the matches!!!

There it is! Triple & Stephanie Vs Kurt & Ronda Rousey at the big BIG WrestleMania! (yes we already knew that because we read the dirt sheets) But the way they dropped it – I was marking the f**k out! Kurt got Triple in the ankle lock, Stephanie tried to teef but Rousey caught her with the Samoan Drop! HOLY SMOKES!

F**k that – I’m ready for the Big BIG WrestleMania! JUST LIKE THAT!

Now Asuka is here! GOD DAYUUUUUM SHE FINE!

Mike Cole promoting Ninja Warrior? PAY MAKOTO NAGANO HIS MONEY!

Makoo Nagano

Oh lawd Nia Jax is killing Asuka! SHE WANTS TO KILL!!!! But Asuka got the Triangle chokehold! She won’t let go! It’s locked in for the longest! Nia tried to fight out but Asuka transitioned into an arm bar!!!! SHE’S GONNA BREAK THE ARM! Nia had to tap out! If I was Asuka – I would run for the hills! Alexa Bliss looks like urine gonna leave her vagina and go down her leg!

GRANT BODY-P!

You gotta be kidding me! The almighty Nia Jax CRYING? What is this?!!!! Where are you Shadfather – console this woman!

Shout out to the cute girl who works at Iceland ‘Natalie’ I think her name is – can’t remember – I did my shopping today, I saw the 3 for £2 offer on the cookies, now normally the cashier is like ‘Do you have an Iceland Card?’ Or ‘would you like a bag?’ Not this chick… I know it’s all about service with a smile but she’s like ‘enjoy your cookies!’ Aaah bless her… if I was single…

GRANT BODY-P!

I honestly thought The Revival would be next in line for the titles and go to big BIG WrestleMania… wow.. you NXT guys are allowed to complain on the internet…

I know John Cena is a free agent… but I think he’s taking the p!$$ coming on RAW to explain his WrestleMania plans… you’re fighting on Smackdown homie!

Yes crowd – boo this man! He doesn’t need to be on RAW!!!!

Ok he suggests I listen…

Uh-oh – he’s out to break Ric Flair’s title reigns… I don’t think Ric Flair cares… you saw him in that 21 Savage video!

John Cena wants that Triple Threat match! He wants to Shatter the dreams of die-hard wrestling fans who want AJ Styles Vs Strong Style!

Talking of Shattered Dreams… I don’t understand why Goldust  is out here! Very random…

John Cena looks as confused as us! So confused that he went down after Goldust boxed him!

Careful John – Goldust might have Victoria Secret underneath that outfit!

GRANT BODY-P!

Why did Goldust even bother… he was so much more entertaining when he had the hots for Rowdy Roddy Piper…

Elias speaks the truth! Music brings us together, not tear us apart!

Elias vs Braun in a Symphony of Destruction match! Well as long as RZA’s 36 Chambers studios are not involved… that goes for 9th Wonder’s Jamla studios…

Congratulations to Hillbilly Jim hitting the Hall of fame… he doesn’t mean a damn thing to me but there you go…

Corey Graves just called Mandy Rose – God’s Greatest Creation… There is no doubt – Mandy Rose is hot…but I believe God created something even greater…

tiffany haddish

Meet Tiffany Haddish guys… star of the film ‘Girl Trip’ – she is sexy as f**k and she is funny as hell. LOOK AT THAT… OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

What’s wrong with you Bayley? Sasha saved your clart! You refuse her hug? Oh well come hug me Sasha god dayuuuuum!!!

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Elias can play every instrument! If hat is so, why hasn’t Ghostface Killah approached Elias for beats?!!!

Elias tried to get away in the car! But the car wouldn’t move!!!

I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys I just got an important message on Facebook… it’s the President of The Wu Worldwide DJ Coalition. I gotta take this call…

Holy smokes! Elias is probably DEAD BY NOW! Braun lick him down with the cello, then he dropped the piano on him! OH SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BRAUN CHISELED YOUR TOMBSTONE! SLEEP WELL!!!!

If you are a gamer, you haven’t lived until you have played Fatal Fury 2… I mean, the last boss fights you in front of a live orchestra… that’s f**ked up!

Now Bray Wyatt just beat Rhyno in roughly 30 seconds… go on – COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET NOW!!!!

Bray Wyatt just mentioned ‘Final Deletion’!

The Hardy Compound??? WHOA! ULTIMATE DELETION!!! I knew it had to go that route! YES!!!

“GET OUT? Get Out is what Kurt Angle should do with Monday Night Raw…” Miz is outta order for that!

He says Kurt is sucking up to Ronda Rousey… I don’t know about you but I would ‘suck’ up to Ronda Rousey…

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that idea! The Miztourage Vs Seth Rollins & Finn Balor? LET’S GO! I wanna see the Miz get BUSS ARSE AGAIN after talking sh!t!

THERE IT IS! TRIPLE THREAT MATCH! Miz Vs Seth Rollins Vs Finn Balor at the big BIG WrestleMania… see I’m supposed to get excited but again – you guys read the dirt sheets and spoiled everything!

Paul Heyman is here with the WWE Universal Championship in his hands!

Wait a minute – he says Brock Lesnar will soon hold BOTH the Universal Title AND the UFC Heavyweight Title? He can’t do that surely?!

Paul Heyman just called the Universal Title ‘Brock’s B!tch?’ Does that mean Brock is cheating on Sable???

Heyman says Double R cannot shoot from the hip against him or Brock! He’s likely to be right!! But Double R is here anyway!

Told Heyman straight – that next week in Detroit, just like D12… it’s FIGHT MUSIC!!!

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Monday Night Raw #1290, February 12, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

THESE GUYS NEED AN AWARD!!!

We all bought it! We all bought it – HOOK LINE & SINKER!!!! We all bought it! Even our wrestling journalist experts bought it! Every damn one of us were made FOOLS OF!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1290! I hope it doesn’t bore me like last week! GIVE ME SOME JOKE!!! 

WHOA!!!! John Cena haters – don’t hang up your keyboards of mass destruction just yet – dude just said he’s going to big BIG WrestleMania! and if he fails… then he doesn’t have a road to WrestleMania! Y’all better hope and pray Elias wins then eh?

Wait a second – The Miz believes he can win! Hey I’m all for The Miz winning the chamber! Imagine that! Talk about fantasy and reality!!!!!

Yo Miz, from one Mike to another Mike… you DO NOT wanna face Brock! You’re going to be a FATHER…remember??!!! And last time I checked, Brock doesn’t give a sh!t about your kids!

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that idea! Make it happen Kurt! Miz Vs Cena – loser enters the chamber FIRST!!! In which case I’m backing Cena to win so that The Miz goes in first! See how fickle I am? I’m Blade dutty bwoyjust like you fools! Actually no…. to quote Blade… ‘I’M SOMETHING ELSE!!!’

Only ONE MAN has survived the Avalanche AA or the Super AA or whatever that blasted move is called and that’s AJ Styles! No way is The Miz gonna survive surely?

BLAOW!!!! 1, 2 and….. 3! The Miz b!tch @$$ gotta jump in the chamber FIRST! He will SUFFER!!! And John Cena is for the children… look at him signing autographs for the kids with special needs. You wanna hate THAT MAN for that? You’re more retarded than anybody else!

WHOA! I wasn’t even paying attention and Revival win their match against The Balding Club? I was sitting here wishing happy birthday to people on FB and I heard the 1, 2, 3 with Balding clubs shoulders to the mat looking at lights! Hahahahaha B!TCHES!

Yes Alexa I’m impressed with Mickie James too – she’s a mother and a WWE Superstar and she looks great… that is… until I come across THIS WOMAN… no she’s not a wrestler… but she’s a mother of FIVE. After two or three kids your body cannot recover again and you look like one of those guests from Jeremy Kyle but when you look like this… GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!!! (Edd don’t even attempt to research this one!!!)

Darci carpenter

Let’s just say she is a distant associate of mine as regards to my Journalistic Hip Hop career…moving on…

Goldberg eat your heart out! Asuka – 240-0!!! NO ONE CAN BEAT HER!!! Even the Undertaker is astonished!!! But let’s be real – you’re NOT gonna see Asuka at WrestleMania for 20+ years are you?

GRANT BODY-P!

THAT IS TRUE! Had Asuka NOT relinquished the NXT Championship, god knows how much longer she would have been champion! 523 days… CM Who? GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!

“Huge fan of Sonya Deville, she will have a great future here on Monday Night Raw…” 

Got that right Mr Greaves! She could GET IT!!!

Well so much for Sasha Vs Bayley at big BIG WrestleMania – we’re getting it now! (PAUSE)

BAYLEY WINS THE MATCH! Ok here’s the heel turn you know it alls have been waiting for!

SWITCH!!! Nia Jax attacks BOTH OF THEM!!! Ok go ahead, complain on the internet about how WWE dropped the ball again as you do!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

TODAY, I WALK WITH ELIAS!!!!! There is a first time for everything! Why wish for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come back when Elias has got it covered!

“Don’t worry Miz, those songs were not for you, they were written for MARYSE!!!”

Pregnant women don’t do it for me personally but ELIAS WANTS TO PUT IT IN!!!

WAIT – I CHANGED MY MIND!!! I’M WALKING WITH BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! Have you seen the size of that guitar? He even broke that! And he can sing in tune too!

“Well Elias says he’s gonna win, but we all know that ain’t true,

You look at me boy when I’m singing, because I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!

You may not notice, you may not realise,  when this song is over, you’re gonna GET THESE HANDS!”

PUT THIS ON iTUNES NOW!!!!!

Are you ready for Braun Strowman’s album to drop? If you don’t buy it you’re gonna get these hands!!! I’M DUN!!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!! Strowman lick down Elias with the dutty big guitar! BLAOW!!! That’s it – now throw him off the stage! NO? Oh well!!!

Let me take this time to congratulate Ivory on her Hall Of Fame induction! Yeah I know what you’re thinking… Chyna gets dissed again! Hey – you praise the evil Triple Teef for making NXT/WWE better, but you run him down for this… you can’t have everything!

WHOA!!! Jason Jordan forced to miss big BIG WrestleMania! HOLY SMOKES!!! The question remains – what does this mean for Seth Rollins? I think everything has changed now, JUST LIKE THAT!

Tell em Kurt! The fans should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES! Cheering that Jason Jordan won’t be there? What sort of people are you?

Er what? Seth doesn’t want to be apart of Monday Night Raw? Welcome to the A Show Seth! I’ve been waiting for you!

Oh maybe not! He still wants to be Universal Champion! Er… how is this gonna work?

Makes sense! I hope Seth wins the Fatal 5 Way joint! But if he does, what about Finn Balor? Er… oh dear!

Sorry Apollo! Sorry Wyatt, Sorry Matt Hardy… the Chamber needs to be DON! But I gotta say I’m glad Apollo is up in that match…

OH SNAP!!! Seth and Balor did a ‘Undertaker & Kane to Austin’! You don’t get it? Er does this mean anything to you?

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Monday Night Raw #1289, February 5, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Eagles Patriots Super Bowl Football

SMASHED IT.

I gotta give WWE props, I’m sure Stephanie and Triple Teef were supporting the New England Patriots… but if they turned around and gave the Philadelphia Eagles a WWE Championship belt for their Superbowl win  – PROPS. Steph and Triple WILL NOT complain on the internet…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1289! The Royal Rumble still trending on the twitter! UNHEARD OF!

Steph RawI don’t know what Bray Wyatt is laughing about – he’s fighting Double R to qualify in the Chamber…yeah he won last year… BUT THAT WAS LAST YEAR!

That’s it fools – pull out your iPhones that you break on a regular for this LOOOOOSER! You bloody sheep!

GRANT BODY-P!

Listen to the haters cheering for Bray,,,, I would be extremely shocked if Bray wins this. Matt Hardy is watching for goodness sakes!

Double R kicks out of an instant Sister Abigail… now you know the muthaf***a ain’t winning!

Just like that, with an emphatic spear… Double R wins… go on then – complain on the internet!

Finn Balor might be the most interesting cat on the roster. This dude is not in the chamber… so I wanna know where he goes next going forward.

Oh no these Revival idiots… I hope one of em gets injured again (Actually I take that back!)

Hahahahhahahahahah Revival you B!TCH!!! Finn Balor hitting the Coup De Grace – I see you wrestling purists complaining on the internet some more! Go on – let it all out!

Not even an hour in and RAW is challenging my interest – I still have a lifeline left – Jamaica ginger cake and custard….

Cruiserweight action… sigh… I’m gonna talk to my woman…

Ok – Mandy Rose – Sasha Banks – Bayley  – Sonya Deville – and Mickie James gonna test Alexa Bliss in the Chamber!

Even better – if Nia Jax can defeat Asuka…she can go to WrestleMania too! But hear the joke – Asuka hasn’t decided who she’s facing yet!

WHOA! Alexa just put Kurt Angle on BLAST! How come Brock doesn’t have to defend his title in the Chamber!!! She should be ‘Brock’s equal’ in terms of gender equality! Er Alexa… you might wanna check Brock’s contract! It’s NOT THE SAME AS YOURS!

Last time I check, Bayley got hurt crazy when she had her NXT match with Asuka… what makes her think she can beat Asuka now?

This is one of those RAW episodes where it is very wrestling driven… not much storyline build. Don’t be surprised if I find my bed halfway through.

So let’s do the knowledge – Kurt believes Asuka will fight Alexa at WM34. But Asuka nah say nuttin… Nia WON’T win her match against Asuka, but her performance will find her in the match at WrestleMania anyway. Sasha is likely to win to advance to WrestleMania thus, this will AT LEAST be a Triple Threat match.

Asuka made quicker work of Bayley than she did with Sasha I can say that much…

HOLD UP! The Miz Vs Apollo Crews – winner goes to the Chamber? COME ON APOLLO!!! This could be HUGE!

I am tired as a muthaf***a people… this wrestling sh!t is boring me… are you sure you guys want pure wrestling on your screen? I’m gonna eat this pudding, and then find my bed – I’ve been watching Nicole Snow and Sophia Lares on Edd’s favourite channels during this wrestling sh!t… word up!

God damnit… not even Black History month could save Apollo Crews… well at least we get to see The Miz get BUSS ARSE in the Chamber!

Look pon this… Jason Jordan can’t compete… but at least he found a suitable replacement… DOUBLE R!!!!

What I don’t understand is… why is Jason Jordan at ringside? I mean, unless the Bar were being teef which I don’t think they were – he doesn’t need to be out there!

His intentions were good but he got ketch by the ref!!!! You baited it up for The Shield YOU FOOL!!!! As much of a loose cannon Ambrose is, he wouldn’t have struck The Bar in front of the referee?!

Wait a minute – since when were we watching Live Wire? or Velocity, or even Wrestling Challenge??? I didn’t know that no name jobber were still a thing for Nia Jax? have the creative team gone on holiday or something? I know it’s Black History Month/J Dilla season but…

Nia Jax wants to disfigure Asuka! NO!!! I mean… can’t they come to some mutual agreement?

I hope Mickie James hasn’t broken Sonya Deville’s nose!!! Look how fine Sonya is – come on Mickie – stop this wrestling nonsense and GET IN THAT TONGUE!GRANT MARKIES BARNERS

GRANT BODY-P!

Maybe Alexa Bliss wants to get in that tongue of Mickie! Yeah I’m scratching my head too – Absolution was gonna beat down Mickie, and Alexa saved her clart??? Mickie is looking at Alexa like – A WHA DE???

If you jabronies hated the Prince fiasco at the Superbowl and complained on the internet about it, maybe you would rather walk with Elias instead? He would have done great at the Halftime joint?!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Imagine! Elias in the Raw main event, and he combines his force with John Cena to take out the Monster Among Men…

Don’t ask me how he did it… (well I do I just watched it) but Elias will enter last in the Chamber by defeating the worn out Cena after he took a powerslam from Braun Strowman!

So er.. yeah, it was a RAW with plenty wrestling action. not much storyline and jokes… and that sort of sh!t bores me…

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Monday Night Raw #1286, January 15, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

You know what I don’t understand? Vincent Kennedy puts out a tweet on my birthday (Jan 11) simply stating ‘My Hero’, referring to Martin Luther King. So if Vince abides by MLK’s words, then I speak for myself, the BDSIR Network, my close friends, all the people at Smack Talk Centre & Cage Amateurs UK when I ask…WHY HASN’T THERE BEEN A BLACK WWE CHAMPION VINCE! Bring your excuses on!

GRANT BODY-P!

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PAIGE its all over

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RAW 1286! I’ve been watching the Top 100 Raw moments on the network lately… OH MY DAYS I’M GETTING SOME JOKE!

Steph Raw

BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!

Is that a new shirt I see? Why won’t they make one saying ‘I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!!!!’

Braun Strowman tells stories??? Look man it ain’t past my bedtime!

Kurt’s got the security with him! There’s probably some dumb smark sitting at home like ‘they are in developmental’!

“I do what I want, when I want…” Braun says that and that’s what the people want… If Roman said that you fools would be booing – WAIT – NO KURT – HE FIRED BRAUN!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!! Wait a second! NO!!! Might as well turn off RAW now!

OH NO!!!!! HE SAID IT!

“I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!!” He’s gonna destroy everyone!!!

No No No I’m not watching The Bar Vs Titus Worldwide again…

So hold up – Bella Twins, Kelly Kelly, Maria, Terri Runnels, Michelle McCool, Jacqueline, Torrie Wilson… they all gonna be at RAW next week? YES!!! I hope Torrie gets to visit Vince McMahon again! PLEASE!!!!!

Braun is destroying everyone in his path!!!

“BRAUN IS COMING THIS WAY! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!”

They should play his music everytime he’s on-screen! You know like you hear haunting music everytime you see the Terminator?

I might not even talk about the matches today! F**K THAT!

OH NO! He’s heading for the production trucks!!!! Remember what happened last time someone was in the Production Truck?

HOLY SH!T!!! BRAUN BRUKK UP THE TRACTOR! This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen!

The announcers run gone! He was gonna kill Mike Cole! WAIT – HE’S STILL GONNA KILL MIKE COLE! HE DASHED HIM OFF THE STAGE! HE’S LUCKY PEOPLE WERE THERE TO CATCH HIM!

Stephanie McMahon had to call up quick time and say yo – DON’T FIRE HIM! You know where this is going right?

That Evil Triple Teef is gonna get involved!

Screenshot-2018-1-16 DJ Johnson ( DycezStreetZ) Twitter

This guy from BDSIR Network is a funny muthaf***a!!!! Y’all need to follow him! He reminds me of the Perfect Plex answer to JAMMS Podcast’s Shadfather!

This is a forbidden match… Nia Jax Vs Asuka… or I could see it as a way of wrestling porn!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

I have to be real though – Nia is going IN on Asuka!!!! None of that jobber crap anymore!

But Asuka f**ked up Nia’s leg though still! Asuka wins, but Nia is ‘kept strong’ so to speak… good booking if you ask me…

Look at me using proper wrestling terminology! F**K ALL THAT! THIS IS ME! I don’t talk that nerd sh!t!!!!

I got another question for Vince… if MLK is his hero… why does he support Donald Trump? Or let me switch the question – what does Donald Trump think of his ‘best friend’ calling a black man ‘his hero’???? Donald Trump doesn’t like black people we all know that!

I took the rare action of checking Donald Trump’s twitter. He has not acknowledged MLK once… CONFIRMATION RIGHT THERE!

These Revival Guys call themselves ‘wrestlers’ and not ‘sports entertainers’… well whoopie f**k!n doo! Now get the f**k out of the ring!

GRANT BODY-P!

Wait – Elias is concerned for Michael Cole’s well-being? Since when? I assure you – Mike Cole is NOT HURT – he fell on people who caught him and cushioned the blow! Oh I am waiting for the memes this week I tell ya, especially from those jabronies from heelbook…

YEAH I SAID IT!

Hold up – I wasn’t chanting welcome back last week to The Miz??!!! The Infamous Informer is NO SHEEP!

“Roman – the title is MINE!” I’m sure Roman will happily hand over the title to you… he has a bigger destiny…. BELIEVE THAT!

They acknowledged that Paige is out the game with a ‘neck injury’… and Paige won’t be in the Rumbles… what a heartbreak… just give the girl the mic so she can tell her retirement speech…

The WWE must have listened to Perfect Plex Talk radio… they did say they didn’t do Woken Matt Hardy’s entrance properly… I think they nailed it now!!!

Goldberg HOF

Big ups to Goldberg! He’s headlining the 2018 Hall of Fame! which possibly means Undertaker won’t be inducted until next year….

Truth be told I should be doing my job and writing my thoughts about RAW’s main event – Seth Rollins Vs Finn Balor… but after Braun’s shenanigans, I really cannot be bothered…. as good as it is… sorry wrestling purists!

Uh-Oh… there might be something to talk about… see earlier in the night Jason Jordan interrupted the match with The Bar & Titus Worldwide… I thought the Bar was gonna come down to bait it up for Seth Rollins… but it backfired! Not only that – Seth Rollins USED THE CURB STOMP SUPER MOVE on Finn Balor!!!! That move was banned wasn’t it??? NOT ANYMORE!!!! The IWC gonna have a field day with this one!

STC 2018 logo3

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Monday Night Raw #1280, December 4, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

F**k talking about WWE right now, it was wack last week. Like Matt Hardy, DELETE LAST WEEK’S BLODCLART!

GRANT BODY-P!

RePPiN4U Overeem

Let’s talk about the YOU – EFF – CEE! Holy smokes! It was a lot better than the card on paper word up. Michelle Waterson & Tecia Torres – OWWWWWW! You two would get it. They opened the show, good fight. Then Alvarez Vs Gaethje SMASHED IT. Gaethje had the match won, but Alvarez… MAXIMUM RESPECT to him. Let’s skip the third fight because let’s be real, they knew they couldn’t follow that match. Then Overeem Vs Ngannou – The Sean Price Punch heard around the world – GOOD LORD! Sean Price would be so proud! Even I turned it into a meme! I DON’T MAKE MEMES! And Max Holloway Vs Jose Aldo… I like Aldo but he was outclassed here…

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RAW 1280! EXCITE ME! HAVE STEPHANIE SUFFER A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! LET XAVIER WOODS INVADE RAW DURING PAIGE’S MATCH DO SOMETHING!

Steph Raw

Survival kit: Spicy Black pepper crisps, Jaffa Cakes and Drinking chocolate… do you think that’s smart on my part???

And the booing has begun against Jason Jordan! I’m waiting for the crowd to start showing signs saying ‘Die Jason Die’!

I see someone in the crowd with a ‘Paige Marry Me’ sign…you sir have no taste in women, she is a dutty whore, she gives her pu$$y away, and well, if you want to contract aids I guess that’s up to you!

Well Double R did tell Jason Jordan to step up and take the opportunity! And Double J responded with a belly to belly to Double R! I guess NOW he has the big dog’s attention!

Gotta say Jason Jordan is GOING IN against Double R!

Look at Samoa Joe doing the knowledge! Aaaah man!

I’m telling you right now – This Jason Jordan dude – if he keeps this sh!t going – he gonna be champion in 18 months time. This match kinda reminds me of The Rock Vs Kurt Angle back in 2000 and The Rock put him over… you see what I’m saying?

Oh no! Samoa Joe gonna finish the job on a mash-up Double R but Jason Jordan intervened with a suplex to Samoa Joe! But why did Double R drop superman punch to Jordan? Oh yeah – he’s not a good guy, he’s not a bad guy, he’s THE GUY!

GRANT BODY-P!

WHAT A LYRIC! “Like Father Like Son right Kurt?!” Oh snap! making reference to the TNA days!

This ugly rarse… I hope Sasha Banks busses up her clart… but while Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville are at ringside… I’m not sure Sasha can win… unless Mickie James and Bayley steps in… and remember now – they haven’t troubled Nia Jax… or Asuka!

Oh snap! Sasha has brought her back up so that there is no teefing! The girl who is nice to look at but an ugly attitude – Yes I’m talking about Alexa Blitch – is on commentary. I just want Absolution to rush Alexa and beat up her blodclart!

COME ON SASHA! Kick down this b!tch! Talking about its ‘her house’ but you’re THE BOSS LADY! You represent HIP HOP! Don’t let Snoop Dogg be disappointed that you lost to someone who likes death metal!

Damnit! Sasha hit the Bank Statement but Paige reached the ropes! Absolution was ready to teef but Mandy and Sonya were still too strong! Paige recovers and drops the Ram-Paige – BLAOW!

I never noticed this but Sonya – you got no t!tt!£$! You got two backs! Oh no! Well you are getting that WWE money now – upgrade a cup size!

GRANT BODY-P!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ELIAS!!! For the first time – he made me laugh! He told Kurt Angle to put away his cell phone and hold his applause until he has finished! What if that was a McMahon on the phone!

Wicked wow – watch out now – Machine Gun Kelly is performing at Tribute To The Troops… well I won’t be watching that sh!t – CALLING KEVIN OWENS! SORT HIM OUT!

WTF?????? Nia Jax wants a piece of Enzo Amore? WHAT IS THIS? No no no this is not allowed! Shad get in there DO SOMETHING!

NIA SELFIE

You know Shad gonna have MAJOR BEEF with Kevin Dunn & creative now!

Suddenly I’m not interested in this cruiserweight match – I wanna know wha’gwarn with Nia and Enzo! HAHAHA this is gonna be great!

That’s the second time Elias has made me laugh! Did he just point out Machine Gun Kelly and say –‘no one knows who you are’?! FANTASTIC! Respect points gone up!

OH NO! I don’t think Braun Strowman likes that tune! BRAAUUUUUUUUUN!!!!

Elias run garne!!!! Wait there – maybe not – what was he thinking attacking Strowman from behind?

He busted his guitar over Strowman and it had no effect! That time he tried to run and he got ketch! Running powerslam – BLAOW!

I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!

HOLD UP – My hero Kane is back! His crushed larynx has recovered!

He says they gonna clash next week… but where’s the stipulation at? Buried alive? Inferno? Even Mike Cole is asking!

Is Alicia Fox ready for Asuka? I dunno… she isn’t all there in her head!

The real question is – Is Asuka ready for the Infamous Informer?? Hey Asuka – Wait til you see my Heihachi Mishima sword!

GRANT BODY-P!

Oh no – these three idiots again… and it hurts me to say that about Sonya and Mandy…

They gonna kill Foxy! Ah well… I’m gonna miss her…GRANT WWDJC2

Paige loves Alicia… NO YOU DON’T…

Alicia – your legs did not run like last time! They turned into jelly and sh!t!

“The ramblings of a mad man…” I can’t believe Bray Wyatt said that about #Woken Matt Hardy… what de rarse?!!!! So hold up – he’s gonna delete Bray Wyatt? He might as well – Wyatt ain’t done sh!t!

GRANT BODY-P!

Apologies for not writing about the Tag Team Championship main event… I’m just waiting for the finish…

Sheamus TEEEEEEF! The Shield had the match won! But Sheamus deliberately got The Bar disqualified! But Kurt said – NOT SO EASY! YOU MUST RESTART! Now it’s a NO DQ match! That fool Booker-T doesn’t agree – but they ARE THE BAR right?

Samoa Joe – TEEF!!! He attacked The Shield for no reason! Double R came down to even the odds but by then it was already too late!

A better effort than last week… well done guys, still not up there with recent weeks, but put it this way – I didn’t find my bed halfway through…

 

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Monday Night Raw #1265, August 28, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

50 men have come, and 50 men have fallen. Officially – NO ONE can beat him! Love him or hate him – he had your attention and that’s real. RESPECT HIS GANGSTA!

Actually I wanna address the haters real quick… still in denial? Talking about ‘it took 10 rounds to take a non-boxer out’ – it will take me 10 seconds for me to tell you – SHUT THE F**K UP! Go and lose 10lbs, invest in that tenner in your pocket instead of ordering pizza for your racist fat @$$!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1265! We getting money YEP! Hall Of Famer YEP! He deserves it YEP!

Steph Raw

NO RAW beginning? We just gonna start with The Miz with his annoying self!

We got Jerry Lawler on commentary! You think he’s gonna be dutty towards Alexa Blitch?

Just as The Miz was gonna chat sh!t, Kurt Angle interrupts the proceedings!

Kurt Angle has no respect??? I’d rather Kurt have no respect than The Miz having no manners!

Looks like there is gonna be in a battle royal! Winner faces The Miz at the No Mercy joint! Oh wait – I got it wrong – it’s running NEXT WEEK on RAW – Intercontinental title defense!

Remind me in the morning I must start watching the Mae Young Classic jump off… the #1 reason I put back on my WWE Network – me want to see the gyal dem fight!

The Miz seems to be enjoying what he’s seeing from this Battle Royal! Everyone dashing each other out the ring and falling on their side!

Oh so that’s why… he got his cronies up in the match too! But what if Bo Dallas or Curtis Axel win? (hypothetically…)

Bray Wyatt TEEEF! He wasn’t in the match! Appeared out of nowhere doing his children of the corn sh!t and dashed Finn Balor out! CALLING STIPULATION FOR NO MERCY!

Just when you thought Jason Jordan was the favourite to win… Jeff Hardy emerges victorious! Oh wow! I like this!!!! The Miz doesn’t like it I can tell you that!

Now that Enzo fights on 205 Live, the question remains – is he still gonna mix it up with the regular roster?

Big Cass is out the game for a good number of months! Dayuuuum… that’s his push on hold before it even began!

At least we can keep it moving because quite frankly, that storyline was wack homes!

Neville doesn’t seem to be impressed with Enzo’s fighting style! He thinks he’s gonna be champion for ever! For ever ever? FOR EVER EVER!!!!!

WHOA! Brock Lesnar twice in two weeks!!! Good lord! Not even Undertaker got this treatment with Brock’s appearance dates!

GRANT BODY-P!

Don’t get it twisted – I’m not that dude who complains about Brock’s status and how he defends his Universal Championship, actually I’m that dude who doesn’t give a f**k – I got nothing to lose – Brock can do what the f**k he wants!

Not just that… Brock spoke as well! Man this is serious! Snatched the mic from Heyman like “What he’s saying is – Suplex City B!tch!”

Hold up – Seth Rollins just teefed a move from Apollo Crews! He can’t do that! Standing reverse moonsault while opponent was on the canvas!

Uh oh! I like this! If Emma defeats Mickie James, it’s hashtag city! However, if Mickie wins, Emma can’t say she started this women’s revolution sh!t!grant-body-p

What the rarse? They changed Emma’s music! Er… I don’t get it! 2K games – don’t worry about that!

OH SNAP! Emma defeats Mickie James! Maybe the music change was worth it! Emma started the women’s revolution! I know! We learn something new every day! Poor Mickie, maybe she needs to find a new love interest or something…  back in the day she wanted to get her scissors on with Trish… god dayuuuum!

I am quite shocked that they are running John Cena Vs Roman Reigns at the No Mercy joint… I mean, it has big BIG WrestleMania written all over it… even Mike Cole said so!

John Cena just says he has no Fs to give! Well nor do I Cena! Join the club!

Er… Double R.. rubbing it in about retiring the Undertaker! I respect it but don’t do that!

Cena just called Reigns a ‘Corporate created John Cena bootleg!’ Yo keep me outta this!

Cena is killing Reigns on how to cut a promo! Reigns is now going for low blow techniques on the mic! Reigns is recovering though!!! I think they have thrown the script away here!

“I’m still here because you can’t do your job!” Damn Reigns!!! HOLY SMOKES! I feel bad for you… I really do! The likes of CM P**k and The Rock have struggled against Cena’s lyrical sword!

Trust me – the IWC are gonna be partying hard with those memes this week!

Elias Samson is the ‘Elvis’ of the WWE? So does that mean he’s gonna dead on the toilet?

GRANT BODY-P!

You done it now Elias –  you provoked Jerry Lawler! I hope Lawler doesn’t send for his singlet…you know what happened last time!

What is this nonsense? Pelvis Wesley? Southpaw Regional Wrestling? GETTHEF**KOUTTAHERE! Put on Alexa and Sasha sexy @$$! Oh lawwwd…

Let me get my mint & chocolate chip ice cream y’all – I wanna see Sasha brukk up Alexa blodclart all over again!

You see – Alexa & Sasha don’t like each other in real life – they should apply this in the storylines! Look how successful the feud between Edge & Matt Hardy was, or HBK Vs Bret Hart! That added intensity! Right now I’m not feeling that with Alexa & Sasha…

OH SNAP! Alexa Bliss – NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION WOMEN’S CHAMPION! Nia Jax congratulates her – OH SNAP! Nia just put her down on some Batista sh!t – BLAOW! YES!!! I smell Triple Threat… she took out Sasha as well!

BRAVO RAW! I made it through the three hours! I yawned here and there but yes! Y’all came through! Double R & Cena though… good lord! That’s what we like – throw away the robotics – keep it 100 on the mic!

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1258, July 3 , 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

So the Slammiversary popped off! and NEW! Unified TNA Champion (or whatever it’s called) ALBERTO EL PATRON! There he is running down the WWE in the middle of the ring… after all they did for you Bertie, if it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t be f**k!n Paige. Ungrateful sh!t!

GRANT BODY-P!

Unlucky Cody Rhodes, you didn’t quite make history by holding both the ROH & IWGP titles… Good thing you didn’t, because my fellow JAMMS host and STC member Aydenn Wardle would have lost his sh!t and would have blew his load faster than Chicago bussin into Iesha in Poetic Justice.

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RAW 1258! We don’t sing Great Balls Of Fire over here?!!!! We sing FYYYREEE!! from Busta Rhymes!!!

Steph Raw

Right – I got half a pack of lockets, a hot drink of lemon and honey, plus a pack of jaffa cakes. Yes your Infamous Informer is not very well, and he doesn’t have Penny to sing him soft kitty… however this is Monday Night Raw, we ain’t tryna sleep!

Oh dear, my stream is f**k!n up! Maybe I’m not supposed to watch the World Wrestling Federation Live! I juts missed 15 minutes of this sh!t…

By the sounds of it, I missed Enzo talk sh!t in the ring for that long, and then ambush Big Cass from behind. Ah well!!! Onto Sasha sexy @$$ and Bayley potato @$$!

I know you’re the boss lady, but even you cannot contend with Alexa Blitch and the Bottom and the Breasts Nia Jax!

“This is MY division Sasha!” OH HELL NO! I changed my mind – Sasha – BEAT THAT B!TCH @$$! YES! A BANK STATEMENT! ALEXA BLITCH TAPPING OUT! BEEEEAAAATCH!!!!!

An exclusive interview with Brock and Joe? On the go home show before the PPV? You cannot be serious right now! THAT AIN’T HAPPENING!

Is this thing with Naom Dar/Cedric Alexander/Alicia Fox sh!t still going on??? I only expect this from Hollyoaks! Oh yeah – it’s a ‘male soap opera isn’t it??? Aww shucks…

Sheeeeeeet! Heath Slater been in the WWE game for 8 years! And he never won a title? Last time I check – he won the tag titles with Rhyno! Oh he means a singles title…

Miz says there will be no title matches… YES! KURK ANGLE will have something to say about that!

SERIOUSLY! Miz talking to Kurt Angle like that? This dude got no manners!!!! Heath Slater can fight Miz for the title NOW! If Miz holds down the title (which I think he will because he’s a b!tch hiding behind Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas) then he got Dean Ambrose to deal with at the Great Balls Of Fire joint!

The question remains – who thought up that PPV Title and who got that sh!t approved? Was it one of Vincent Kennedy’s favourite tunes of all time? If that was the case I wanna have my own wrestling promotion! I would call my PPVs ‘Da Mystery Of Chessboxing’… ‘House Of Flying Daggers’, ‘Assassination Day’, ‘Winter Warz’, ‘Bring The Pain’, ‘Brooklyn Zoo’, ‘4th Chamber’… should I go on????

GRANT BODY-P!

Come on Slater!!! WHUPP HIS @$$!!! THINK OF THE KIDS!!!! THE KIDDDDDSSSSS!!! YOU GOTTA PAY THAT CHILD SUPPORT MUTHAF***A!

Damnit! His blodclart Miztourage! Miz has always been a b!tch!

Did you hear that? John Cena advertising Tapout Body Sprays? Talking about feeding trolls and stopping internet warriors?? Here’s looking at you retarded 434 fools!

OH Sh!t – Titus may have a slogan for Apollo Crews – Crews Can’t Loose! But we talking BRAUN here! And Apollo just had a daughter! Apollo must protect her from monsters! They are everywhere! And above all else – keep her OFF THE POLE!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Great Balls Of fire

A 30- minute iron man tag team match between Sheamus/Cesaro & the Hardy Boyz at the Great Balls of Fire joint? WHOA! Sounds like WWE have been watching the Slammiversary and That G1 thing lately and got their study on!

Don’t you think that’s f**ked up people? Big Big Great Balls of Fire joint about to pop off and Finn Balor is not even fixed up in a match? But Raw made sure wrestling purists got their jerk on as he battles Cesaro here!

Wait a second, maybe he IS in a match at the PPV! I forgot about this Elias Samson dude… is that a bad thing?!

YES Wrestling fools don’t have a heart attack – Brock Lesnar IS SPEAKING TO SAMOA JOE! He is the best of the best of the best! You think Paul Heyman gonna say something stupid?

Hey Brock is laughing at this whole thing! He hasn’t gotta look for Joe! Joe gotta look for him!

Joe is on some – LET’S GO CHAMP! I like this! Considering it’s the go home show!

Joe is bex!!! Brock isn’t! You would think it’s the other way around! This is great!

Just when I thought Braun was getting better competition in Apollo Crews! For a minute Crews was killing Strowman! But Strowman hit the running powerslam, 1, 2 and – WAIT! He picked Crews head up! UH-OH!!!! DOUBLE R GET DOWN HERE FAST! THIS IS INJUSTICE!grant-body-p

He just dropped a second running powerslam! took his head off the canvas before the 3 and licked his forehead! OH MY GOD That’s some Wyatt sh!t right there!

After 3 Running Powerslams, it’s over… hey Crews… it could have been worse you feel me?

He just dashed Crews in the ambulance and told the driver to get going! But the driver nah move!

It’s DOUBLE R!!!! DUNA! DUNA! DUNA! DUNN-DUNN! How can you guys NOT LIKE this dude? YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!

UUUUUUOOOOOOOOAHHHHH! Spear Strowman off the stage into tables – BLAOW!!!!! But how is he gonna drag that carcass into the ambulance? That’s what I wanna know!

Strowman still on his feet! BLODCLART!

Yo, I watched Wonder Woman recently. That Gal Gadot though! OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Some lucky muthaf****a married her quicktime! She is FLIRT ON SIGHT I’m telling you! Watch STC’s Edd Mulhall… he’s on the case… he knows where all the naked pics is at! Personally, I don’t think Gal Gadot got any naked pics… I think Edd uses photoshop and is very efficient at it!

GRANT BODY-P!

Wonder Woman

 

JAMMS

Monday Night Raw #1132, February 2, 2015!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw

Smack Talk Centre Raw Logo

The Infamous Informer

Smack Talk Centre-Raw

Monday Night Raw #1132, February 2, 2015!!!

Grant - still got it!

While you guys were debating on what that Triple Teef is gonna announce that will ‘shake the foundation’ of WWE, while most of you were b!tching about the Royal Rumble match, For one night only I donned the ever famous Purple Suit… and as you can see… I STILL GOT IT!!! Yes go ahead and chant! ‘GRANT STILL GOT IT’! ‘GRANT STILL GOT IT!’ I’m considered a ‘Hall of Famer’ on the dance floor these days…. and as for you (STC member) Edmond Mulhall… I’m not THAT DUDE anymore. That era of me is gone forever – much like the Attitude Era. It’s time to move forward! I have a woman who loves me, and I love her, and I’m not talking about Naomi!

“Ya’ll go to parties to ice grill
I go to parties to party with nice girls
Young boys gotta chill
30’s the new 20 n!**@, I’m so hot still…!!!” (Jay-Z, 30 Something, 2006)

RAW #1132!!! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!

Shout out to the New England Patriots!!! I heard you guys cheated to win the Superbowl! Muthaf***az are wilding! Whoever Loses, I Win – you know why? Because I’m a man of Jamaican descent, and my vision of a Superbowl is that good soup, yes, that yam & dumpling, that meat, all those spices and vegetables in it! CAN’T GO WRONG!

jamaican-beef-soup

GRANT BODY – P!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZAnd here we go!!!! Start the show right! Bring the Authority! This announcement has to be off the hook surely!!!! Look at them pointing to the sign!!!! Oh boy…

Oh no!!!! The Authority supported the Patriots!!!! It’s best for business???!!! Oh sh!t! Triple throwing shots! #CancelNFLNetwork??? Triple is going in!!!! DAYUUUM!!!

Crowd chanting Rocky… that confirms that the problem doesn’t lie with him… Come on guys out with it!!! Drop this announcement! I know you gotta stretch it out!

I know the Authority are not tryna shut Roman Reigns down from going to WrestleMania… that’s INJUSTICE! Never mind what The Rock did… COME DOWN THE STAIRS ROMAN!

Oh snap! They using the Samoan family against Roman??? They can’t do that!!!! The announcement hasn’t been dropped yet! Danny Bryan is here!

That’s what it’s about! Danny Bryan never lost his title! He was injured after all!

…and Seth… he hasn’t cashed in his cheque yet! He was in a good mood on Smackdown…oh look here now 20 minutes gone and the segment has not ended… see this is what Austin was on about with Vincent Kennedy – they ramp about too much… not getting to the point…the fans wanna see some action now! As for me… I couldn’t care less! Will Austin ask Triple these questions? By the time you have read this you should know the answers if you have the WWE Network for £9.99 or for privileged folks like the Infamous Informer himself, for FREE until March!

Austin HeelbookIf that’s the major announcement, then as part of the WWE Universe I don’t feel shaken to its core… Seth & Danny Bryan gotta fight each other… winner faces Roman at Fast Lane. Winner out of that goes to WrestleMania…again, whoever loses – I WIN… I like all three guys… what does it matter????

Roman is like – F**k it… I’ll do this sh!t…. if I gotta fight Big Show 1000 times like I have done, Fight Seth or Danny… then that’s what I’ll have to do!

Why are the announcers acting like it’s the worst day of Roman’s life? He didn’t get 16 suplexes and 2 F5s by Brock Lesnar did he? He didn’t get battered by the Undertaker in Hell in A Cell??? Hell, he didn’t get dropped in a car via a forklift truck? F**k that – he didn’t get his legs shattered by steel stairs, taken into hospital, tormented by Mick Foley, and then only to be beaten up by a ‘nurse’ with a bed pan!  All in one day!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Now Triple Teef thinks he can manipulate Austin???? He’s asking to be getting dropped again in his car by a fork lift! Now Curtis Axel is making up noise… Now look what you IWC jabronies have done! You’ve put the notion in his head that he should go to WrestleMania! Talk about he wants ‘justice’… Whaddup Dean Ambrose! Can’t get more justice than that! He just threw Axel over the top ropes! NOW HE’S ELIMINATED!!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Gotta admire WWE for bringing out Black History… go ahead and say it… this is Vincent Kennedy’s way by saying ‘I’m not racist!!! I just don’t think Afro-Americans should not be representing our company!’

I don’t think these Authority rebels are sweating their opponents… Ryback fights Luke Harper… Ziggler Fights Wyatt, and Rowan fights Rusev…. to quote Kurt Angle: WHOOPIE-KYE-YAY! or to quote my favourite superhero BLADE: OOOOOH SO EXCITING!!!

Suddenly I’m contemplating taking a nap until Austin’s live podcast comes on!

Told y’all! I wasn’t even paying attention and sh!t!!! Ryback picks up the win! Come better than that Stephanie! Setting up these matches like these guys supposed to be scared and sh!t!!!

WHAAAAAAT!!! Is that how the Usos are going on? With Naomi involved in the entrance?!!!! I love this woman!!!

Nattie looking fine as usual too! I’m so glad she’s showing off her curvy legs a lot more…. that’s what’s up!!! Tyson Kidd – I’m sorry – you ain’t that right man!!!!

WHOA!!! The Miz just fired the stunt double??? Can he do that???! Because a fan wanted Mizdow’s autograph??? All we waiting for now is for Mizdow to box down the Miz!

…and another thing… since Eric Rowan went face… it’s like his deranged character doesn’t exist anymore… I don’t know why he walks around with that buzzard mask or whatever it’s called, it’s like he’s fully human… how the hell can I buy into the gimmick? You see what I’m saying????

Now this is where I pay attention… because Ziggler fights Bray Wyatt, in which I hope Wyatt will win… this guy claims he fears nothing… living or dead… I hope he’s not cryptically speaking about the Don of Dons…. he don’t want none of him I will assure you… especially after he lost last year at WrestleMania???? He might be seeking vengeance… trust me Wyatt you DON’T want NONE of HIM!

YES!!! Wyatt hit the Sister Abigail on Ziggler – BLAOW!!!! Now talk your sh!t Wyatt…. I wanna know if you talking sh!t about the Don of Dons!

Er Triple…. why you and Seth talking about Randy Orton for yo??? Ok Seth you will wonder why you gonna get RKO’d through the canvas… don’t say I didn’t warn ya…

Oh my god Nikki!!!! Dayuuum look at you!!! Yo Cena – make sure you f**k her good right??? TGrant & Leannaight up dress and over the knee boots? Are you kidding me girl! Cena you f**k her right in the pu$$y!!!

OH SNAP! Even Sky Sports is not feeling the divas match… to the point where they got a technical fault and sh!t!!! It must be a wrestling fan who recently got a new job on Sky! I say we hunt him down and skin him alive! “What’s wrong you don’t like women???” (Grace Jones as Strange, Boomerang, 1994)

And co-incidentally… it comes back on when the divas match ends… f**k!n battyman!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Damn that theme they got for Fast Lane is WACK!!! Give me some time to come up with the STC theme tune for this…

OH SNAP! The Miz ‘re-hires’ MizDow as a ‘personal assistant’ well he’s doing his job alright, he assisted in costing the Miz th…. hold on Bray Wyatt is talking!

MUTHAF- he IS talking trash about the Don of Dons!!!! Talking about -“They used to FEAR you, but you let that fear turn into love … I AM THE NEW FACE OF FEAR!” – Bray #FindMe! #RAW

Question – while Rusev is fighting… don’t you wish you wanna creep up behind Lana and slide it up her Putin???

GRANT BODY – P!!!

HA! HA! HA! HA! OH SNAP!!!!! EPIC FAIL WITH THE RUSSIAN FLAG! Rusev & Lana are bex!!!! Capacity crowd ROLLIN!!!! I like how the announcers styled that out! DUN KNOW memes galore is gonna come out of that sh!t!!!

Main event: Danny Bryan Vs Seth Rollins… who you backing? It matters not to me!

Wait a minute… why is the Big Show out here??? You already know there’s gonna be some mad teefing going on!

And they tried it!!!! But Roman Reigns went and speared the Big Show – BLAOW! Hit the Superman punch to Rollins! Danny wins!!!! OH LAWWWD! The WrestleMania sign is within Danny’s reach! How funny is that… Mike Knoxxx and Spotface spoke about Danny Vs Roman on their Perfect Plex show… and look! They must fight each other at Fast Lane!!! Well you fans spoken… look w’happen! My hands are clean…. WHOEVER LOSES… I WIN!!!

 

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IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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The Jobber Blogger – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 5/11/14

jobber blogger bonfireYup, that’s about as exciting as it gets.

I went to a Bonfire. It was a little one behind a local Pub, I watched it from a Distance…. was nice. Then went home.

Number One Hundred and Thirty Three! Good old #133 – reminds me of nothing.

You know, I’m struggling with TNA these days. It seems of late, though their program is usually fairly solid, and despite the odd expectation, it’s just a little… boring.

I’m not bored watching it, but my enthusiasm for the product is drifting. But then, as I constantly moan about, I’m sure that’s down to the fact it’s Taped. It doesn’t feel right, least not what we’re used to.

Which is an interesting and also non relevant thing, given what I will talk about in a minute.

I suppose when I pull it apart, TNA is pretty good. Bobby Roode is champ, The Hardyz are competing, the Tag-Team Tournament was awesome. I like the direction of the Knockouts currently, though a little more than just Havok would be nice, granted Madison and Taryn are feuding, but it’s taken a huge back seat to Havok.

Whilst on the topic of the Knockouts, I miss Brooke – Tessmacher that is, not Hogan.

She did an interview recently about being more involved with TNA again next year. Hopefully The Amazing Race will bring Brooke and Robbie E over as an on-air couple when it’s all finished.

I’ve never watched it, I don’t even know what it is…. I’m guessing their Racing? And that it probably isn’t as Amazing as the name implies.

Anyway, lets break down TNA Impact when I get to Impact.

redlinebootcampLet’s talk about British Bootcamp.

I mentioned Episode 1 two weeks back, but then I hadn’t got round to watching Episode 2 in time for last week’s Jobber Blogger. So now I’m up to date with all 3 episodes watched by my eyes.

Currently, Boot Camp is more exciting to me than Impact.

Should that be possible?

Episode 2 was alright, the high light was obviously that Andrews chap whose name I’ve gotten… aside from the Andrews part.

Episode 3 however brought it up a notch, everyone was good. I’m glad they are all going through to this week’s (tonight’s) show.

The idea of all of them competing on a Card, that’s awesome! So yeah, I’m pumped. I don’t know who I’m rooting for. I guess Grado has the advantage as obviously all that mess was a work.

I say obviously… it seems obvious to me, but then I could be wrong. Probably not though.

It’s this weird “Reality” meets “Wrestling” that never quite feels right.

TNA try their hand at it all the time, but it leaves far too many problems and plot holes… like the stars watching the product.

Which brings me to the thing I’m most excited to talk about!

redlinelucha-underground-tna

Oh yes!

I am Biased! Granted, anything Rodriguez has his name on, I’m excited for.

I don’t know how much input he has on Lucha Underground, but it sings with his influence, or least the influence of the Mexican culture.

I’ve been looking forward to watching this for ages, it’s debut last week in America actually took me by surprise, I didn’t think it was so close to coming out.

But it’s hitting a lot of the Wrestling News and it’s viewership in just one week jumped 163%.

Ladies and Gentleman – It’s Good!

Now I don’t if we’re all excited because it’s something new?

Because not only is it something “new” but it’s something totally different for a Wrestling show. It’s got a good budget, it looks and feels like parts of my WCW memories.

It’s got new faces, and it’s got a whole Wrestling Legacy and Culture that rarely gets showcased to the level it’s capable of. That being Lucha Libre.

What is vastly different, is it’s a Television show, and it knows it.

Every single segment is beautifully shot, not always beautifully acted, it still has Wrestlers in it. But it’s Cinematic. It’s exciting.

It’s Storyline driven and already feels like it’s got an “arc” in place.

Also it made me like Chavo Guerrero! I’ve never liked Chavo Guerrero!

It’s got balls, it’s got direction, it’s got vision.

And above all else, it’s got Wrestling.

Matt Striker stole a good TNA quote “I dare you to tune into any other Wrestling promotion and find action like this”.

Hey TNA, now you need to compete with Lucha Underground, because Mundo and Puma, that’s the level the bar is now set at. And you are a long, long way from reaching it.

Something anyone who reads my ramblings will be familiar with is my love for Tigre Uno!

tigre uno fn

He is fantastic, and impresses me every single time I see him compete, which bugs me because TNA have done nothing to help him out.

Every time he has a match, or isn’t used, I moan about TNA using him better.

Hey, there is now a solution, which from now on, I shall use.

Release Tigre Uno.

Let him go to Lucha Underground and perform on that level, because he can, and that would be amazing.

Without turning this into a new blog about Lucha Underground, I will end it by saying I hope they keep fresh faces, I don’t want a lot of well known stars turning up. There are of course some exceptions. First and foremost – AJ Styles.

Global Force Wrestling is heating up too, and I’m excited to watch that. But right now, Lucha is doing something Wrestling shows have never been able to do.

And it’s Freakin Working!

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Impact Wrestling LogoTNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 5/11/14

That might be the longest Intro to The Jobber Blogger in #133 issues.

It is tradition to start the show with a new Heavyweight Champion. Unless you’re the WWE and your Heavyweight Champions only compete 8 times a year.

But I digress.

Kurt Angle introduced Bobby Roode.

We’ve not had Roode as World Champion with his “Off the Chain” entrance theme, it matches.

Roode has always looked good with the World Title, and no that’s not taking it lightly, I think the TNA World Championship is a pretty bad design. I don’t hate it, I think it’s a little over the top and garish though. Not to mention it’s Too Big for most guys who have held it. It’s far too long in length and leaves the silly floppy strap at the back.

Yeah I’m picky. So what.

Roode now being World Champ actually feels like it matters. It’s not like Lashley has had a bad run at all, but Roode just seems to carry himself better. Or TNA least want to invest more time into him.

Saying that, AJ Styles taking the belt from Bully Ray and leaving TNA with it, that was far better. Well, only if you look past the fact that he never came back that is.

Tenay and Taz went on and on about how Lashley deserves a Re-match. Being such a dominant Champion. Which is laying the ground for a Face turn surely.

Because in my eyes, as a fan. Does Lashley deserve a Re-match? Me personally, I’d say yes, but that’s because I like him. Given that he was throwing out Low-Blows and Belt Shots last week, and that he’s won multiple times from the help from MVP and King. No, probably not.

What TNA is doing with Havok, is how Lashley should have been World Champ. It just didn’t quite work out that way.

MVP got on Roode’s case and offered up a Challenge of Roode vs. MVP for the World Championship. To which Angle said, and I quote “Roode, would you mind putting the Belt on the line?”

I get it, he’s words are not meant to be taken literal, but a few weeks back Angle himself told Lashley “it is your job do defend the belt whenever and wherever”. So in my eyes, “would you mind” doesn’t come into it.

Do I analyse this too much?

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Samoa Joe and Low Ki vs. The Hardyz – Tag-Team Tournament – Finals

As much as I like Low Ki’s abilities, his presence, his entrance and how he carries himself. I hate, Hate, his promos.

He sounds ridiculous.

I said this before, but when he is next to Joe, it’s the dumbest thing you can possibly hear. Joe is fluent in the Promo language. He gets it, he’s wordy, intimidating, electric, dark, whatever he needs to be. Low Ki sounds like a $50 budget Mortal Kombat voice actor.

The intro package to this match which bounced back from Joe’s speeches to Low Ki’s, was hilariously dreadful.

Aside from that opening rant, I only wrote down that I love Matt’s Side-Effect move.

I’ve loved it since he brought it into his arsenal, it’s an awesome manoeuvre.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love Tag-Team Wrestling, so this has been an awesome and surprising tournament.

Surprising because I actually didn’t think The Hardyz would win.

For me, they should win, because of who they are, what they’ve accomplished and how good they are as a team, especially given the experience factor along between them and their opponents.

But given that they’ve fought the Wolves before, then took part in the Tag-Team series and lost on all occasions, I just didn’t think they’d be getting through to Round three.

But here we are, so I am looking forward to it. I just feel with Storm’s involvement with Richards, it’s probably going to be a more sucky kind of story match.

Who knows.

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Samuel Shaw and Brittany took to the ring… to do… something.

I’ve never liked Shaw’s attempt of a beard, being so thin and fuzzy, it just looked… horrible. But eliminating it to have a creepy porn star moustache. Yup, that’s worse.

And it didn’t stop there, Brittany was swinging on it, pulling it around, then pulling his mouth around and licking it. I didn’t need to see that.

Gunner obviously got involved, and resorted straight to bad mouthing Shaw and digging up the old “Creepy Bastard” chant.

Funny how Gunner went from being all noble, to verbally attacking him over someone else’ influence. You’d think given Gunner’s background in the Military and experience dealing with problematic individuals, who’d do less to attack them, and more to help them.

But then, it is Wrestling.

I don’t really care where this goes. Shaw is better the crazier he is, and Brittany just helps that. Gunner will just drift on to remain Gunner. The only reason I’d be more interested in this development is if Anderson gets involved again.

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TNA’s got a Brand New Star.

See you later Chris Malendez and say Hello to Mahogany Simba!

tna simba

It’s true, I have no idea what his name is, so I just wrote down what sound as similar and also made me laugh a little.

I’m a professional don’t you know.

So far I’m not all that impressed. He’s a big Indian guy with Boobs, let’s see what happens when he gets in the ring.

tna-simba2Much Better

Suicide was a cool character, good look, nice colours, awesome mask, great entrance music. Then he became Manik, most of that carried over.

Now he’s heel – super shinny blue Manik, whose new mask lets him talk… and he walks up to people like Simba and say “Sup, my Dude”.

tna-manik-sup

Does he look like a guy who says “Sup, My Dude?”

Well that Characters gone down the drain. What’s intimidating about that.

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Bram and Magnus vs. Devon and Tommy Dreamer – Hardcore Rules

You know what, I’m not even going to bother really spending much time on this match.

I’m not a fan.

One thing I did like, was the ending, only because it actually surprised me. In terms of how it came to a close.

Bram went through a Table, which happened quicker than I thought, also I was fairly sure he was the only one who wouldn’t end up going through a Table.

Then the best bit being Magnus thrown into the corner which had a Bin wedged into the Ropes, he Leap Frogged back only to get a Low-Blow then shoved face first into the bin. I didn’t expect it, was good.

Dreamer hit a DDT right after and took the Win.

I think Bram will probably continue from this, hopefully, after he defeating Abyss so many times, losing to the likes of Dreamer and Devon seems unlikely.

Even though they might be the legends, Abyss’ onslaught is far deadlier.

So I would take a guess that “Magnus” will be the weak link in Bram’s defeat.

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Spud had a little segment, I’m not sold on Spud’s face turn yet. I don’t think he’s reach much potential as a Face. What made him so great was being a heel. I always find the kind of character Spud was, is completely gone when he’s a face. Now he’s willing to fight, and Wrestling, and doing honourable things. It was funnier when he didn’t. Now he’s just like everyone else? Only less impressive?

Don’t get me wrong though, I do like Spud.

His Speech was good. So good that it brought out EC3 and Tyrus. Now, I’m fairly sure Spud won’t be the one to defeat EC3, but he might. I would hate that too.

Either way, Tyrus back when he was Brodus mentioned that the “Funkasaurus” gimmick wasn’t quite what he had in mind. I liked it, personally. But he didn’t want to do that. So here in TNA, I’m guessing he’s currently being more like who he wants to be…

tna-ec3-tyrusShould someone tell him that’s a Woman’s top?… He’s got the necklace and everything.

EC3 slapped JB, EY got involved. blah blah blah sums it up nicely.

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Gail Kim vs. Havok – Knockouts Championship

I seem to be picking on Commentary and the rules between Good Guys and Bad Guys too much, but it’s never bugged me to this level before.

Gail came out fighting, but Havok took control. They fought up the Ramp where Gail kicked Havok closer and closer to the edge of the Stage, she then ran attempted to Kick her off the stage, Havok grabbed Gail’s foot then threw Gail off the stage instead. To which Tenay says “she threw her off the stage …. what a monster!”

Despite the fact Gail tried her best to Kick Havok off the stage mere seconds prior… but that’s fine. Because she’s a “Good Guy” and Havok beats her up.

What?

Winds me up!

wind up complain

Everyone rushes to Gail’s aid, but yet she continues! Usual crap.

What wasn’t usual was Havok throwing Gail from her shoulders face first onto the Steps. That looked painful… and awesome.

I was expecting Gail to pull off an upset, which I would have hated. But Havok kept toying with her, to which I fully expected Gail to take advantage of. Same old, same old.

Thankfully Havok caught Gail finally and dropped her with a Chokeslam for the win.

Good match. While I don’t really buy into Gail’s “injury” stuff, so therefore I wasn’t exactly rooting for her, but it was a good match. I just wanted Havok to win. I found Gail wasn’t constantly selling the abuse she took, which did stand out a little to me. But who cares.

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MVP vs. Bobby Roode – World Heavyweight Championship

You know how I started this with “Roode looks good with the Belt”. Where it doesn’t look good with his horrible crappy plastic pimp coat.

It looked good with his Robe. Why ditch the Robe?

Robe or nothing. Wear a T-shirt to the ring, that looks good too.

I have no idea why he thinks this coat is a good thing, it looks horrible.

Lashley and MVP had a little chat backstage, obviously Lashley is supposed to be annoyed that he’s not got a Re-match and MVP positioned himself into a match instead.

I’d rather it look like that yet Lashley came out and beat up Roode with MVP and it was all a plan to wear him down.

But no, MVP and Roode had a decent match which Roode won with a Roode Bomb. A straight forward, clean match.

I also still hate the name “Roode Bomb”.

Lashley then turned up and Speared Roode and left without helping MVP up. So yeah, I’m guessing their days are up.

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Although not a bad show – it’s a run of a mill type of show.

Still no word yet on a new TV Deal for TNA, and I hope things do get a little more interesting soon.

Either way, Boot Camp is entertaining and Lucha Underground has my attention.

Till then.

Dan Wilkinson

TotalNonstopRewind

TheJobberBlogger

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