Smack Talk Centre-Raw
Monday Night Raw #1128, January 5, 2015!!!
If there is a overfiend,
There must be an Evil King.
Where Daniel Bryan is present,
There too, is The Authority….
Don’t get it twisted – I’m not calling Daniel Bryan a ‘God’… that’s something wrestling fans do. I simply took that excerpt from my favourite manga anime film of all time and flipped the words around. The landscape has changed…. get ready Danny, prepare for hell part 2!!!
Happy new year muthaf***az! My new years resolution is to refrain from cussing wrestling fans, and as you can see already, I have broken that resolution. RAW #1128! HOL’DAT – BLAOW!!!
Don’t worry Cena I forgive you… I wanted the Authority back, especially Stephanie! She was away too long if you ask me!
Stephanie – those boots though!!!!! OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Triple – I suggest you send a restraining order against me! Those boots are not corporate!!!!
WTF??!!!! Seth didn’t have to cash in his cheque!!! Seth is in the triple threat match at the Royal Rumble! God damnit I just created that promo video!
OH NO! It gets worse! It’s John Cena Appreciation Night too!!!! The Authority guarantees that they will deliver? That’s a good idea for the IWC – or should I say – CURRRRTISSS!!! to NOT tune in this week!
Come on Barrett!!!! Destroy that Ziggler!!! make Barrett look strong damnit!!!!
Damnit that bastard won! But I’m afraid Barrett has some baaad news!!! He’s destroying Ziggler! Next thing you know Glenn comes out and ‘forgets to mention’ that this is 2 out of 3 falls??? SUPERB!!! Keep going! Barrett with the Bull hammer & Wasteland super move – BLAOW!!!! That’s what I’m talking about!
Why the f**k did Ziggler kick down Glenn for??? Now look what happen – Barrett wins! YES!!!! I forgive you for burying The Undertaker – you destroyed the IWC’s favourite battyman!!!! BRAVO!!!
#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE – the Authority say they have no issues with anybody – they are starting on a clean slate… A LIE!!!! Ziggler pinned Rollins to get rid of the Authority at Survivor Series… so you know they gonna make Ziggler’s life a living hell!
Is it me or has Renée Young cut her hair??? Not bad! Just don’t over do it like Penny from Big Bang Theory…
So heartbreaking…. I blame her husband… even Howard from Big Bang doesn’t throw shots at her anymore… remember every week Howard would talk about how he would get in Penny’s pu$$y????
GRANT BODY – P!!!
WHOA!!! The Ascension has picked up on the Road Warriors comparisons by the IWC???? Look what you’ve done!!!!! It’s YOUR FAULT!!!! I have no sympathy. You open your dirty mouths too much!
I wonder why Rusev & Lana have started doing promos backstage…. is it because every time they are out Ryback brukks up his clart?!
YES-SA! here’s my dude – Roman Reigns! The DON! F**k the haters… they was on Roman’s d!ck this time last year…. when you brukk up the Big Show, you are punching the haters through school buses!
… but the Big Show is taking Reigns like a rag doll! Show wasn’t interested in a straight wrestling match… it was all about using the stairs and destroying Reigns! Finish him if you’re bad Big Show… Reigns bounces off the ropes, spear to the belly – BLAOW! The stairs drop on Show’s head top!!!! HAHA! What a wassack!
Well Natalya is here! Seems like she wasn’t in trouble after all for eating those brownies!!!! Oh hang on… Paige comes out here – who started that mess in the first place!
Oh snap!!!! Natalya pinned the divas champion! See? Now if you win the title, you can pay for the car you damaged!!! Somebody take that Need For Speed game away from Natalya?!!!!
Hang on – this is a mad situation? Mercury & Noble acting as referees for this Harper & Rowan match?? What sort of sh!t is that???
#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE – Rowan lost… all this is, it’s the Authority’s revenge… everyone that was on Team Cena is to be f**ked up… it started with Ziggler, now Eric Rowan… Big Show already turned evil so that’s him out of the equation… hang on who else was in that team??? Oh yeah – Ryback…. uh-oh….
Booker-T – DUTTY BWOY!!!! About it’s gonna get hot in here – DAMN RIGHT!!! Naomi & Alicia Fox to fight?!! Forget about the Usos and Miz & Mizdow (Yeah I said it) I wanna see someone’s weave pulled out! Hopefully not Naomi’s!!!
OHHHHHHH SH!!!!!!!T!!! It’s the Ambulance Match! AMBROSE! WYATT! CALL THE AMBULANCE TO PICK UP THE PEOPLE!!!
Oh snap!!! Ambulance tables????? somebody gonna have splinters in their back tonight!!!!
Did Booker-T make reference to the Attitude Era in this match??? Don’t say that Booker – you will have muthaf***az wanking!!!
Booker-T you are slippin son! Bray Wyatt – the epitome of Darkness??? If only there was an Undertaker (in his prime)/Wyatt feud… that would be instantly feud of the year!
I don’t remember Booker-T being in an ambulance match??? Wrestling trainspotters help me out here! When did that happen? Answers on a postcard please! tweet me @MZATheInfamous or @stc_wwe!
So that’s what happened!!!! I wasn’t a WCW guy during the Monday Night Wars anyway…
OH SNAP!!!! Wyatt laid out on the table! Ambrose climbs the ambulance, jumps off, elbow drop to Wyatt right through the table – BLAOW!!!!
I haven’t heard that in a while! Mike Cole – ‘A Sister Abigail on the concrete floor!’ Not as good as JR, but he tries… and with that… Bray Wyatt drives Ambrose to the hospital! Knowing Bray, I don’t think Ambrose will make it to the hospital!
Yeaaaaaaah boyeeee! the Usos and that sexy…… SEXY… Naomi… a REAL woman…. not that pale piece of clay you call Paige!
Oh no Miz beat the Uso brudda… damnit…. not to worry the story continues… Ryback vs Rollins – calling it now – Rusev will interfere and teef…
Wait a minute…. Glenn is joining in and now it’s a handicap match??? TEEEEEEF!!! Well I’ve seen Ryback Shell Shock two men before at one time… I can’t see how this is different…
GRANT BODY – P!!!
Well I called it wrong… is wrestling still predictable CURRRRTISSS??? Hahahahaha! Ryback held his own still… but two curb stomps to Ryback’s head top, plus the beating from Glenn and the two stooges… 4 on 1? Forget about it!
When Adam Rose comes on, normally I would send for my p!$$ break… but I don’t need the toilet… and The New Day is out here…so it’s worth staying put…
I feel sorry for New Day though… they are not connecting with the fans…. The Grant says this – if they came out as a new Nation of Domination, y’all still complain and say it ain’t the same. I do like the New Day clap though…
OH SNAP!!! Cesaro & Tyson Kidd were ‘Rosebuds’ in disguise and sh!t? attacking the New Day? Their super move is awesome though!!!!
Oh man they are really giving Cena props for this!!! Let’s appreciate him! He brought back the Authority! The best thing he ever did!!!!
Sh!t I wished I brought back the Authority… Stephanie calls Cena her hero… I wished I could show her my gratitude…
TEEEEEEEF!!! Why is Triple bringing out ‘Team Cena’ to appreciate Cena??? I got a bad feeling about this!
WTF??? Suspensions for Rowan, Ryback & Ziggler??? Don’t you think they’ve been punished anyway???
OH SNAP!!!! FIRED????!!!!! They can’t do this???? Well Ziggler I don’t mind but not the other two???!!!
Oh no! it’s a celebration!!!! Stephanie’s dancing!!!! Triple verbally USED DI HAMMER!!!!!
Er…. Vincent Kennedy… er… need a lil’ help here…..
One last thing… The Infamous Informer is coming of age this Sunday… so…. what you getting him???
GET IN THE CHAIR!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.