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The Jobber Blogger #83 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 26/12/13

December 30, 2013 by DiVineDiablo

Jobber Blogger New Year

Well it’s not Christmas Eve anymore, but then it’s not the New Year yet also, so it’s time to end the year with a bang! Least, from my perspective currently whilst Writing this blog, I hope it ends with a Bang. Not like my computer blows up, or someone knocks on the door or something, more like I hope this is a good one!

It’s been an Amazing Year folks, and thanks go out to all of those whom have Read my many ramblings in my first full year of doing this. It has flown by to be honest, and for anyone who wants to get into Writing and keeping up to date, then telling yourself you’re going to Cover a Weekly show is the way to do it. They provide the material, you sit back and make fun, and huzah! Let your Three Readers at best roll in to witness it all.

Well it’s soon to be a New Year, and like everyone, The Jobber Blogger hopes it brings new heights! And with certain plans in my pockets, who knows what might happen! Of course, until then, it’s time to do this for the consecutive Eighty Third time!

Impact Wrestling Logo

 TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 26/12/13

I suppose before we kick it into “Covering the Show” let’s plug Total Nonstop Rewind’s / Jobber Blogger presented – “Best of 2013”. Each day for the next week a new Category will go up on www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind where you can view, comment and vote on your favourites from the chosen Nominees. So go get yourself over there now!

newcomer nom

Speaking of best new comers, Nominee 2013: Rockstar Spud kicked off Impact this week, with new Entrance theme… even less Rockstar than before. I think it’s time for a name change. Spud as a name is something I despise, I knew a guy named Spud.. so it’s degraded because of that, my other half knew a different guy named Spud, a girl I went to Uni with got nicknamed Spud, so yeah, I despise the name a little. But you know what, Rockstar Spud has a lot of qualities to best resemble “Spud”. I once created a Wrestler back in the old “Smackdown” games called “Neon”. He was a “Edge” inspired guy, mixed with GTA: Vice City, which the Magazine spread I was reading had a whole article on how the 80’s Neon Glow of the City set the stage and tone of the Game. So then Neon was born, and he was kinda crappy. I liked the idea, but he needed a make-over, so he became Neon Red, and Dark Neon, etc, each persona carried his abilities and general theme, but over time his look and attitude changed (as it so does in Wrestling) and his name was versatile enough to make the transition with him. He then became “Devil Neon” to team with my top CAW – Wild Thing and they sported similar looks. Till of course, inevitably they broke up as a Team and were forced to battle each other over who keeps the image. Wild Thing won, being the original (though it literally could have gone either way) so poor Neon had to once again go under a new style, and lose the one gimmick that brought him success. And so he became Poisneon a mix on neon and poison, and re-branded himself ala Sting. A look which proved very successful.

Okay, so I shall stop talking about the insane amount of Hours I spent on my own Make Believe Wrestling Federation, where I filled every single available Create-A-Wrestler slot, and spent so many hours planning storylines and what not. My Nerdiness runs much, much deeper into my history of “Wrestling Federations”, I had Draws and Draws full of Wrestling Figures, and I used to plan out my Storylines “years” in advance, (a month was like a Week to me, so I get through a year pretty quickly). I then used to plan out RAW and SmackDown with matches, and interview slots, all of it to make sense for the right title changes and storyline development. I had many Note-Books full of PPV’s then when it got to the PPV, I used to set up my Tape-Recorder and do running commentary on it. I had a pile of CD’s on my left with my CD Player, I knew every track for which Theme, I knew every last Second of the Songs for the Right Entrance Music to the perfect “Winning Theme” point in the song. I had a load of Tissue Paper to elastic band round my desk light to create the right lighting for the Wrestlers. I had rolls and rolls of PVC tape I used to customise my figures for the right Wrist Tape and new Ring-Gear. I even made (with help) real fabric T-shirts for when I pushed my low-card guys to the Main Events. I had loads of elastic to make new and nifty Ring-Ropes, and I had loads of blocks of Polystyrene to create these huge (one of a kind) Stages for my PPV’s every Month. Well, top that off with my Video Game (CAWs) and eFed’s, then I think you get a pretty good idea of how Wrestling obsessed I was.

My figure Storylines peaked when I “retired / fired / quit” some of the guys from the WWE, and I had customised many of my old Figures to match the TNA guys, because back then Jaxxs made the WWE figures, and Matel I believe did the TNA ones (like the old WCW ones) so they did not match in size. So I customised the likes of Abyss, AJ Styles, Raven, Ron Killings, BG James, I retired Jeff Hardy, bought a new DDP, everything was getting ready for this big TNA Invasion and then I grew up. Change that with (I didn’t want to be embarrassed) and you have the real answer. So my TNA love goes back many, many years too. I really should get a job in the Wrestling Industry.

 

So anyway Rockstar Spud kicked off Impact this week with new music, how the hell did I get on that rant? Oh yes, name change. Spud suits him, Rockstar not so much anymore. I think if he went through “Changes / Gimmicks” Spud can stay intact, and he go back to being a Rockstar, and he can be Chief Spud, or something like that. It’s a Mick Foley esk character change, that works amazingly well. Mick himself put it best when he reverted back to Cactus Jack in time for his infamous Street Fight with HHH nearly 14 years ago!!!!! o.O

He went from Mankind to being Cactus Jack, and all he really did was “take off his shirt” but it’s the legacy and mind set he established with each gimmick that made him a New Character, and that Character was capable of different things. It’s an awesome idea that has only ever been done with Mick in Wrestling to any success. Not that Spud is the right guy for it, but that idea could certainly carry.

Spud was out to introduce the “Woman Responsible for everything” who is the equivalent of “Lady Gaga, Santa Clause and Queen Elizabeth” rolled into one. Which is strange, because Dixie Carter came out, and I was expecting someone more like

Queen Lady Santa

The running Gag being that Dixie had this big “Announcement” or in reality (a desperate struggle for Ratings) but before she could announce it, Jeff Hardy headed to the ring.

Jeff didn’t really have much to say, just going on about how he doesn’t care about Dixie, and Dixie’s “Champion” and blabbing on endlessly about being sick of everything. Spud however got in the face of Hardy, which is the more noteworthy part of Hardy’s involvement, noteworthy more so because I wrote it down in my notes. Still, Hardy throttled and threatened Spud, which is when EC3 attacked Hardy.

Dixie then went to finally make her announcement when Sting got involved. Sting’s whole point was that he is also “Sick and tired of these entitled punks” and demanded a match against them.

Which is where Dixie rejected the match, then made the match, and took credit for it. So that’s cool. The match being Sting and Hardy against Spud and EC3.

Gunner was then next in line to disrupt Dixie, wanting to Cash-In his World Title Shot against Magnus, but alas, Magnus was “abroad celebrating”.

And then Storm got involved stating Gunner owed him and wanted a Match for the Briefcase.

Storm is now getting more paranoid that Gunner was the one who tipped off Bobby Roode that he was in that Bar, and led to Storm getting beaten down, then got his ass kicked in the match with Roode, till Gunner “threw in the towel” Either way, Dixie agreed to letting Storm and Gunner fight it out for the Briefcase, and that being punishment for Gunner interrupting her, and therefore she isn’t going to make the announcement till later on in the show.

James Storm vs. Gunner – World Heavyweight Championship Shot – Briefcase

What do you call this Stipulation?

Anyway, the opening of Impact was actually pretty good, I liked the chaotic-ness of it all. Sure it was a tad anti-climatic but it worked well.

I was just about to get into this match, after noting Gunner is wearing is Iron Maiden attire again. Till of course, Tragedy struck.

I went to get comfy and inadvertently kicked my empty bowl of Noodles sending a stream of “Noodle Juice” across my carpet. The whole was like a horrible flash back to I believe Undertaker vs. Mark Henry many years ago on Smackdown (soon after he reverted back to the Deadman).I ran down in the commercial break to get a glass of milk and dropped the Milk… I have never, ever, seen anything like the mess it made. I literally covered every single Kitchen Cupboard in Milk. I just looked around with dripping Milk everywhere. The whole floor…. MILK! It’s safe to say I missed the match cleaning it up.

Least this time round I just pressed Pause, and cleaned the Carpet. But while I was at it, I figured I might as well get another Mug of Tea. Now I have this HUGE Mug, and trying to stir my boiling hot tea proved to be just as problematic. For I ended up dropping the Tea-Spoon into my mug, so to stir it, I needed the spoon, to get the Spoon I had to stick my fingers in boiling hot tea. Of course the Spoon is Metal, so even when I got the Spoon, it was boiling hot and I dropped it back in the Tea,…. many, many times. Sure I could have got another Spoon, or used a cloth or something. But you know what, screw it! I was determined to do it, and suffer! God Damn You Noodle Juice!

I since learnt you say that 3 Times in a Mirror and nothing happens. Maybe.

Noodle Juice

In the end though, Gunner Speared Storm through the ropes, and right then you could see how it was going to end. But alas, Storm bounced Gunner’s head into the Steel Steps when Hebner counted them both out. Funny how normally they do it so everyone pays attention, but when they want people to get counted out, they do it as quietly as possible. Still, it didn’t end there as Storm and Gunner carried on beating each other up.

But I don’t know if that’s such a good match for Storm, as Taz quite clearly said, Gunner is built like a “Brick Sh*t House”…. now that’s a Lego Set kids wouldn’t want for Christmas.

Brick House

Brooke and Bully shared a nice little segment, which might actually have been my favourite from this week’s show. It started with Brooke approaching Bully backstage and claiming to have not heard from him in weeks, and “Who is this?” she asks about his current persona. She then threatens to tell the World all his little secrets, to which he says “that’s not a good idea”.

But she goes to the ring anyway, she is now a “bimbo” or at best I could gather by her current gimmick. She’s always been a weird mix of awesome and slutty. And funny enough depending on where you stand on those boundaries, you will either find her entirely awesome or entirely slutty. Still, with new music she has ditched the “Don’t Mess with Tess” and become this more “biker ish, sort of, groupie”. But, I quite like it.

I think now is the perfect time for her to ditch the “Tessmacher” it’s been gone since she just became “Brooke” with The Aces and Eights, but just let her be Brooke Adams, it’s a good name.

Still, she refused to be held accountable for the demise of The Aces and Eights, even though she threw the Hammer, which Anderson caught and that led to his Victory, all of it was Bully’s plan, it just didn’t “go to plan”.

Bully then came out, with his 2003 Undertaker look

2003 taker

Bully quickly went from the Clay Morrow running the Club (minus the awesome ideas and great planning) and quickly has become the Clay Morrow with no club mooching around doing nothing.

Brooke encourages Bully to “Tell the Truth” which, who knows what that is. But what’s actually rather awesome is when Brooke shed light on the fact that she has watched him “Destroy and lose everything”. Bully is left with no Heavyweight Championship, no Club, no Brother, no Family, and that’s actually yet another really cool Character Development. Even if it is a little bit “AJ Styles”.

The fact she compared Bully to a “Weird High-School Kid with no Friends” is what topped the Segment for me. Now there’s a good Wrestling Gimmick they haven’t fully explored.

Bully then of course stole the segment by saying he doesn’t blame Brooke because “you’re not much in the Brains Department” “Kept you around for other uses, but you weren’t much good at those either”. The little “sometimes when we were together I used to picture Brooke number one” was an excellent cheap shot. Though Bully has one final use for Brooke, and that’s to spread his word.

Which is when the Segment got really good, and weird, and kinda cheesy as they played this ominous dark tone whilst Bully spoke about how “Evil” and “Sinister” he is, and that it’s only going to get “A lot Worse”.

So whatever they are building to with Bully should be awesome, no doubt going in a more Hardcore Direction, which seems fitting. Perhaps Tommy Dreamer plays into that with their match coming up soon on TNA’s One Night Only PPV.

Joseph Park vs. Bad Influence – Monsters Ball Match

If I can find it, I shall embed the Awesome Video Package they ran before this match. It was a great look at the whole Joseph Park / Abyss storyline, but it’s certainly running dry, which is why I fear they have just kicked it into over-drive to get it done with. Of course the bad side of that is I don’t think it will have reached its potential. Which is TNA’s greatest quote “It’s good… never reaches its Potential though”.

I’ve been saying it for years, TNA have great ideas and terrible execution with an even worse pay off.

EY got Park to enter with Abyss’ music, but they kept Joseph Park’s video. So that made a whole deal of sense.

Park kept Janice close, till of course Bad Influence knocked her out of Park’s hands, which is when they just beat him down for the majority of the match.

Speaking of beating things down, or even beating things in. Here’s a good plug for IGN’s Let’s Play with Christopher Daniels!…. yep, the whole wording of Beating, and then a title of “Let’s Play with Christopher Daniels” certainly paints a rather bleak image in one’s head.

IGN – Christopher Daniels – Let’s Play

Kaz was about to smash Park over the head with a Steel Chair till Daniels stopped him, so they didn’t make Park bleed, hence not bringing out his “Abyss mode”, strange how they’ve only just come to this conclusion a year later, and only because Eric Young pointed it out.

It was all a little odd, it mixed humour with this weird type of horror story thing. Obviously in the end Park tried to run away from Kaz and Daniels who were just beating him down till Eric Young came out to encourage Park. Though EY’s best efforts of “making him bleed” didn’t work out, in the end Kaz swung the Kendo stick which EY dodged and it busted Park open badly, sending him into Abyss mode.

Park then won the match with Blood everywhere and picked up Janice. So I don’t know if that means he is Abyss, or he has found Abyss or what. It didn’t involved barbed wire or thumb tacks, it didn’t really do a lot.

The thing is, if Park is only sent into this “Abyss” mode by seeing his own blood, why would you want to revert him back? Also if you want it to be a permanent thing, how is that going to work. Personally I think EY should just hit him over the head with different things to see which worked till it did. Though a weird mash up of a crazy Joseph Park with Abyss would be good. If the whole experiment went in a complete different direction and they made a hybrid, unstable, monster that tore through everything and everyone. That would be cool. I should write this show, I’ve got years of experience with Toys.

Lei’D Tapa (w/Gail Kim) vs. ODB

Gone are the days of “The Unstoppable Force meets The Immovable Object”  like the great Hogan / Andre battle. Nope, Taz summed this one up as “King Kong vs. OctoPussy” so that says a lot.

kong octopus

Before I go off into a semi-rant, let’s cut to the finish, Gail Kim slid the Knockouts Championship in the ring, which distracted the Ref, so when ODB picked up Lei’D Tapa to slam her, Gail pulled ODB’s hair and Tapa fell on top of her and got the victory.

I put “Weak” and underlined it twice.

Now what I mean by that, is Lei’D Tapa is built like a Female Wrestler we haven’t seen before. Sure we’ve had our Chyna’s and Awesome Kong’s and I’m sure there are similar Wrestlers like Tapa out in the indies. But on Television, Lei’D Tapa is “SOMETHING DIFFERENT”. For my money she’s better than Kong, she is built like the perfect giant, Amazon type. The way Matt Morgan was a giant built like a perfect Man, Tapa is the exact right proportion she should be, she’s just really Big. Now that makes her an attraction.

When she debuted she started by taking out all of the Knockouts with ease, now that was awesome. Then they made her Gail’s lackey and she’s been rather terrible ever since. Sure she would just be a Female in Squash matches, but the fact that Gail needed to help Tapa win? Now that makes her look incredibly Weak. The fact Madison Rayne beat Gail Kim last week, what the hell does that do for Lei’D Tapa.

You are going to have to flick a switch to be able to build her into what she is naturally built as. To say this was THE meeting between both Tapa and ODB it was forgettable. They should have devoted time to build it as a feud, to actually have suspense around their encounter. They missed every opportunity and in the process just flat lined Tapa’s potential.

During the show we had a “Rise of Magnus” video package that was Magnus talking about his journey to where he is now. It was one of those weird “Shoot / Work” videos, where he had genuine gripes of is shaky start and years spent to get somewhere. Mixed with the Work angel of his new Heel persona and cashing in on that opportunity to become the World Champion. With Magnus set to appear next week on Impact, I personally want to see him be full out Heel, new Music, new look, new attitude. I half suspect he will be, but time will tell.

Jeff Hardy and Sting vs. Ethan Carter the Third and Rockstar Spud and The Bromans (w/Zema Ion)

No you didn’t read that wrong, and yes you probably already watched the Show. Dixie finally made her announcement which if that got people to stay tuned to Impact and didn’t want to, then no, it was not worth their time. She purely said Magnus will be here next week. And then announced that The Bromans will be teaming with EC3 and Spud in this Handicap match.

Throughout the night Jeff has been a little off, Sting was trying to get him fired up, but Jeff didn’t seem to be biting. Then we saw him on the phone with his Wife Beth where he said “I need to do this”.

Anyway, Jeff hit a Senton Dive over the Ropes to take out everyone, so it made up for it. Also have I mentioned how good The Bromans are now that Zema is with them. I miss his DJ Desk, the idea of him making stupid noises and shouting out over the match is a highlight I want to see every week.

I guess the main story is that EC3 avoided fighting Sting, Spud avoided doing anything, which they are building this thing about Spud not actually being a capable Wrestler. Which I like, the work they’ve done with Spud in a matter of weeks has really paid off. He is perfect for this Role, and to have him seem like the “incapable” Wrestler is perfect. I never knew Steven Richards could Wrestle, I didn’t know that at all when Right to Censor first came on the scene. So to some, they won’t know anything about Spud, though Spud was Wrestling with the TNA guys 8 years ago in the UK, he’s been on the circuit a long time.

In the end though, Sting was cleaning house when EC3 caught him in a Roll Up from Behind and got the win. Which of course just annoyed Sting further, though with EC3 having a World Tag-Team Title Shot, I guess it’s quite obvious that Spud could indeed be his Partner. What is more interesting though is that they are friends with the Bromans, the Champions, so how they will resolve that issue will be interesting. It could be to turn Bromans Face if they refuse to “lose” to Dixie’s “boys”.

And then the show ended with Jeff apologising to Sting for last week, and for tonight. And did his really awkward screaming “I’m not buying into a single word your saying” speech where he said Dixie is driving him crazy (funny, because he went to meet with her two weeks ago, and clearly didn’t realise she was different then). He said he wants to Fight, but has no Fight left, and that he has Wrestled his Last Match for TNA – and then regrettably added “Until the Sun Shines on this Great Kingdom Once More!”. So much for going out with your head held high, just ruined a good speech.

Either way, this is the news that got people in a huff on the Internet about Jeff leaving TNA. The very idea someone in that crowd witnessed that Speech and thought he was actually leaving and it wasn’t storyline, just Baffles my mind. It is quite obviously Storyline and Jeff will be back at some point. Probably with AJ Styles, Chavo Guerrero, Sting maybe and Jeff Jarrett.

As they assemble to battle Dixie’s Power Trip. Hell, Hogan might even show up… hopefully not though, I don’t really miss him.

Here is my problem  though, sure this whole TNA Originals vs. Dixie Carter Power Trip thing is an awesome idea. Though it is still an invading Faction esk Idea. The bigger problem comes with the fact that having The Good Guys run the show is not anyway near as good as having the Bad Guys run the show. Dixie’s Heel Run has been some of the best work TNA has done, period. She is a great catalyst for everyone else to work off from, the friction between her and AJ was great. When Anderson came back and she was getting him arrested was awesome, shame that has died down. Hogan in charge was a little bit of a bore, so was Sting. So this is great currently. And she has EC3 and Spud who can take an Ass Kicking for her.

Still, whatever that are working towards excites me! And it should excite you too!

See you all in the New Year!

Till Then,

Dan Wilkinson

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

TNR Cover 12

http://www.striketapandgrapple.com

http://www.cageamateursuk.com

The Jobber Blogger #82 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – FINAL RESOLUTION – 19/12/13

December 24, 2013 by DiVineDiablo

 Jobber Blogger Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! No, don’t be silly, I wouldn’t ever take the time out of my Christmas to sit at my computer and Write about Wrestling for hours. But I will do it on Christmas Eve!

So the principle is still the same.

We are nearing the end of 2013 and that means the “Best Of’s” are right around the Corner, I have been putting Pen to Paper and Eyes to Screens and Paper to Eyes and I drew on my Computer a little bit, all to figure out this Year’s edition of the Best of 2013. Unlike last year I will be doing “Nominees” instead of just picking and choosing, but alas, that isn’t this, and this isn’t that, and so let’s get ready to break down Final Resolution!

TNA Final Resolution

TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – FINAL RESOLUTION – 19/12/13

Though on the surface it seems like this was a little “thin” on the Match front, but then I guess that does make sense given the fact it’s a TV Special and still only slotted into One and a Half Hours of Television. But on the flip side, it does mean it’s One and a Half Hours of Great Television. Though I watched it on my Computer.. through an HDMI onto my TV… so what does that count as? TV / Web / Stream?

Magnus kicked off the night with a nifty little “is Dixie and Jeff here yet?” backstage paranoia, then he just went to the ring to give them both something to “react” to.

See, I like Magnus, I always have, he’s full of potential, and I would have liked to see him carry the Television Championship (back when it was defended on TV) for a little while. In fact the TV Title is a great concept if they keep up with it. Still, that’s an argument for another day, (I also don’t miss it) but something about this Speech Magnus gave did “rub me the wrong way”

rubbed wrong way

Magnus went on to talk about how he “Loved this Business” but then he said something that stuck a little, “I can’t change where I’m from”. Now I don’t know how much of this was Written, it’s probably just to try and get the U.S fans on his side as a fabled “America is awesome!” and people eat it up despite its many, many, many flaws they seem to be utterly oblivious to. I’m sure Magnus is proud to be from England, but here’s the other side of that coin, TNA have since issued (spoilers) a Press Release about how Magnus is the first British World Heavyweight Champion (of this magnitude) in 108 years. So why would they write his speech as if he wanted to change where he was from?

Magnus Resent

Still, Magnus’ main problem… also on a side note, anyone actually stop and think that his name used to be Brutus, I just remembered that. That’s a “lol” moment and hopefully a future Bad Influence interaction.

So yeah, Magnus wanted to blab on about Jeff Hardy going to see Dixie at the end of last week’s show in her “VIP” banquet. He threw out phrases like “proud to work in America” “always been about Pride, Dignity, Respect” but can the same be said about Jeff?

Anyway, of course Jeff then hit the ring to set Magnus straight, which is funny because mere minutes ago he hadn’t arrived, but then he was there just in time to hear what Magnus had to say. Ahh, the fun of little gripes. Like a Perfect Meal with One Tiny Flaw you can Pick at all night…. (anyone?)

Anyway, the rest of the segment goes as you would imagine, Jeff being all defensive, to the point that the crowd were against him. Magnus brought up the 10/10/10 Immortal Heel Turn, and in the end Jeff just said “Worry about your own life, don’t worry about mine” and left.

This whole “Is Jeff in cahoots with Dixie?” angel plagued the entire show, and whilst I appreciate the effort of trying to cloud people’s minds and turn the tables so to speak on the “Good Guy”, it also opens up many plot holes. But I will get  back to that rant later!

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode – 2 out of 3 Falls

I shall let you in on a little secret, I actually sat watching this match thinking to myself “I like it when I’m surprised, but clearly, there’s no way Roode is winning this”.

And of course much to my surprise Roode actually picked up the first fall rather quickly, (rather quickly being a good phrase to describe this match also). After a timely “kick to the groin” Roode got the first fall under his belt in no time. Which obviously doesn’t mean much, it just goes to show the normal “formula” of the Heel on top and the Face fighting back.

What bugged me the more though was that only a short amount of time later, Angle pinned Roode with an Angle Slam. It came from a chain of moves, but it wasn’t anything special. Nor did he really “beat down” Roode to the point that he would be beat. So this whole idea of Angle can’t beat Roode was then changed when Angle beat Roode easily with doing very little. I would get it if Roode took a lot of punishment, or eventually tapped to the Ankle-Lock after gut-wrenching agony. But no, he just “lost” easily.

The highlight of the match would probably come with Angle using the “Cross-Face” on Roode, which Roode managed to counter, which was then Reversed into the Angle-Slam but Roode kicked out. Which would have been better if he had lost the second fall after a series of moves like that, gruelling effort and all.

The finish came with Roode rolling through from the Ankle-Lock, trapping Kurt in a Pin and held the Ropes to get the 3-Count.

So yeah, I really wanted Roode to win, I love Roode, he’s awesome. Angle is obviously good too, but this match (though good) did feel a little fast paced for my liking, rather than a more “PPV Quality” bout. But having Roode picking up the win does correct that.

We later had a backstage segment with Kurt talking about how Roode has had his number every step of the way and that Angle has never faced this before in his career and he will have to “think what my next move is” regarding where he goes from now in his Career.

Also the use of the Cross-Face still kind of bugs me, it just reeks of Benoit, and that’s a horrible stink. Match that against Kurt and it reeks of the feuds they both had years ago, and that’s a horrible thing too. I get that Roode is Canadian and it’s a good hold, but I still don’t like it.

Seeing as I did a good ol bit of “plugging” last week for Brian Altano’s Misanthrope album, I think it’s time I actually remember to promote TNA’s new line of Deluxe Impact Series x11 – Figures. Featuring Austin Aries, Velvet Sky, Jeff Hardy and Commander Riker from Star-Trek the Next Generation:

Deluxe Impact 11

Eric Young heads to the ring to continue his “experiment” in finding Abyss inside Joseph Park. Which also hit me that I myself have just come to a rather unexpected conclusion!

Park Penn

To take it one step further!

Penn and Teller

To help along this experiment, EY has secured Park a match against Bad Influence next week in a “Monsters Ball”. And to help Park prepare, EY gave him some early Christmas Presents, a Steel Chair, a Bag of Thumbtacks and some Barbed Wire. And to top it all off, Janice, which was hidden under the ring, which is when Park decided to agree to the Match.

I can’t decide if they will just let Park find “Abyss” or if “Abyss” will turn up, one of the two will happen. I think it’s more likely he will find Abyss, but it’s nice to see this moving along now. Not to mention next week’s match should be pretty good!

Feast or Fired

They kept mentioning that “Smith and Stone Lawfirm” were in charge of handling this matter, but I would have thought they could have someone a little more.. you know, better qualified?

Smith and Stone

The fact James Storm accompanied Gunner into the room shows you that something is going down between the two. He was stood at the back of Gunner’s Chair like a Lover tagging along to a Doctor’s Appointment. Made it worse when Hernandez didn’t turn up to help give Chavo much needed Support.

Apparently Smith and Stone decided how to open the Briefcases also, and it wasn’t 1,2,3,4 like any normal person would think is fair.

Still, the segment had “Dramatic Music / Camera Cuts” and shoddy written all over it. Zema picked up an X-Division title Shot, which is fine given how the rest of the Cases played out, though it’s a tad on the nose.

Gunner got the World Heavyweight Championship shot which he then declared “Finally get what I deserve!” leaving a close up shot of James Storm looking on annoyed.

Then Sting turns up and has a big rant about Entitlement and Legacy, and that someone like EC3 who was “given the job because he is a relation to Dixie” has an equal chance of keeping his job as Chavo does “who has worked his entire life for his profession”. Sting offered EC3 the chance to give Sting the briefcase, and he will accept its fate, on the condition he Wrestles him just once. EC3 kept the case and won a World Tag-Title Match, and Chavo got fired. So it’s good news all round really.

The bit that bugged me was Sting asking if Chavo ever got handed anything in his Career, and he said because he is a Guerrero he had to work twice as hard. Which makes no sense at all.

Everyone knows he’s been Riding Eddie’s coat-tails for the majority of his career, the fact his second name is Guerrero is the only reason he’s got a job, lord knows it’s not because he’s a “great Wrestler”. Hell, even the Guerrero name didn’t carry him to great heights, for they re-branded him as freakin’ Kerwin White and he sucked even more.

That’s like saying Lacey Von Erich was in TNA because she was a fantastic Talent, she couldn’t Wrestle for sh*t, she only had the job because of her second name.

Entitlement my arse!

The only down side is I have a bad feeling Chavo will be back. But till then, let’s sit back and enjoy the possibilities.

Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa vs. ODB and Madison Rayne

Okay so part of the match ODB and Lei’D Tapa actually got to have a bit of a fight, something I’ve been ranting and raving about for ages now. And guess what, I hadn’t even realised it was going on and completely blanked straight through it. So that’s a good sign of things to come.

See that’s the thing, Lei’D Tapa isn’t being built up as this “Force” that she is. Her first match wasn’t even really played on as her first match, nor did she really come across as “impressive”. ODB and Tapa should have had this great Stand Off in the match where it actually felt it was “proving ground” for Tapa, yet they just carried on like a normal Match and therefore this “Spark” of unexplored territory became explored so quickly that I slept through it.

Madison seems to be in great shape though, and I’m glad she’s back. It’s nice that they are building on the fact that Madison and Gail used to be friends, but isn’t everyone in the Wrestling Business? Anyway, Gail set up Madison for Eat Defeat, but it was countered into a Back-Slide and Madison won. So I guess that’s the end of the Open Challenge, and it kind of sucked.

But I am glad Madison is back, though I doubt she will win the Championship.

Jeff Hardy vs. Magnus – New World Heavyweight Championship – Dixie Land Match

Okay, so before the match got underway, Jeff cut a promo telling everyone about what happened with Dixie. This after Samoa Joe went to see him for a sit down chat, and Sting went to see him but in a much nicer way. So Jeff mentioned 10/10/10 and that he made a bad decision, and everyone saw how that ended up at Victory Road. Dixie though offered Jeff a good bit of Money to be “Her Champion” but he knew that meant she would “Own” him, and as he put it “No-Body Owns Me!” and that he told Dixie to “Stick it!”. He then said he wants to Win the World Championship and be like AJ Styles and do it for the “People”.

So before we carry on, what is wrong with all of this? For starters, why the hell did Jeff go and see Dixie? Yes, I get it from an Audience swerve perspective, and Wrestling fans are so stupid that it’s amazing it worked (and believe me it worked… I talked to someone first hand who bought into it… it’s scary!)

But here is my problem, as someone who is a little more picky, at least in terms of Wrestling Storylines, you need to give me some reason why Jeff went to see her. Because if Jeff didn’t realise that Dixie was going to offer him money to do her bidding, then he’s an idiot… so I have no respect for that. Jeff told her to “Stick It”.. I doubt that, and again, what the hell was he expecting… so he’s an idiot. Now if Jeff’s other avenues, like Music and Art, which gets pumped through Dixie was mentioned and Jeff was “blackmailed” of sorts into meeting with her, then I understand. Any type of reason to get Jeff there that gives him credit rather than being an idiot is what I’m looking for. So I hope this isn’t the end of this “thing” and that Jeff actually has been placed between a Rock and a Hard Place, and his rebellious nation against the “Boss” is what leads to him “Leaving” TNA, then I am all for it. So that’s what I hope for.

Anywho, let’s carry on, Dixie headed to the ring to confront Jeff and his little speech. Dixie declared he has one thing in common with AJ, and that is that Dixie “made him”, his music, and art, and merchandise, and giving him the opportunities and second chances, he owes all of it to her. Which is true. And if Jeff doesn’t do as she wants, he will find himself out of a Job like AJ Styles. So hopefully this develops and evolves and runs deeper than he just went for a Meal “because he’s oblivious and an idiot”.

Anyway, the Match was fantastic, everything I wanted from it. Both Jeff and Magnus missed top rope moves, which led to EC3 coming out to stand with Dixie. Keeping up the theory that Jeff is an idiot the rules quite clearly state “You Need To Climb Over The Top of The Cage!” but he decided to try and fit through the Camera Hole

Jeff Hole

Probably the highlight of the Match was Jeff hitting a Perfect “Whisper in the Wind” from the Top of the Cage all the way down onto Magnus.

Magnus had nearly escaped the Cage when EC3 got involved to hold Magnus back, but Jeff resenting the help from Dixie took out EC3. Hardy then hit the Twist-of-Fate on Magnus on the Ramp, before making his way to the Ladder on the Stage. Hardy threw his Shirt at Dixie and then climbed the Ladder, and that’s when Rockstar Spud pushed the Ladder over and Hardy literally went Head-First and crash landed on the Ramp, which looked horrible. So okay, he didn’t go through tables like I predicted last week… he skipped on the possibilities of a softer landing, and decided to go head first on a Ramp, which was a horrible landing.

And of course that’s when Spud, EC3 and Dixie all rooted for Magnus, and he took the offer, climbed the Ladder got the Belt and sold out!

So everything happened as expected, but it was an awesome match and a great ending… I really hope Jeff is okay, coz that fall looked really painful.

Next week, Magnus as new Champ and Monsters Ball!

Huzah!

Have a Great Christmas Everyone!…… Linda!

Jeff Shark

Till Then,

Dan Wilkinson

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

TNR Cover 12

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The Jobber Blogger #65 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 29/8/13August 31, 2013

The Jobber Blogger #65 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 29/8/13August 31, 2013 by

Jobber Blogger logo2

Saturday Night, I’m High!, Saturday Night, High and Dry!

Yes, Def Leppard lyrics shall start off the opening of the Jobber Blogger #65. Which I would like to call my “Urghh” entry, amongst a whole bunch of “meh” and “flump” issues. “Urghh” because it just seems like such hard work to get myself motivated today. Sure it could be because I went to bed at 4:40am and got up at 11am. Is that enough hours sleep? Math be damned!

Either way, I decided I shall crack on and get this thing written for my mass of fans ready to not click on the link I provide. So in order to get ready I made an extra sweet coffee and prepared myself a lovely DibDab. Now I say prepared, all I did was empty the contents of the sachet into a bowl and smash my face into it tongue at the ready.

But yeah, so the preparation pretty much turned into me eating the DibDab sitting and looking on at the Screen.

Well I’ve finished licking the dish, and I guess it’s time I should get on with the show?

Impact Wrestling Logo

 

TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 29/8/13

 

So Tito Ortiz is now sporting a “Punishment” Themed Aces and Eights shirt.

This is relevant because no-one really knew where he was aligned. Yes, he’s with Bully, but did that mean he’s with the Aces and Eights? Apparently so.

It still bugs me that he’s a grown man dressing like a teenage hipster idiot. Should that define his in-ring ability, his character, his personality…. yes, yes it should.

Bully went on a rant about having a Bad Day, I forget most of the details but I’m sure it’s somewhat relevant to only having one DibDab sachet left.

DibDap DudleyDib Dab Dudley – FTW

Bully took it in turn to ask his Club Members just what happened last week, and why did Devon end up losing his job?

Well, in a type of Hot Potato manor, Fuzzy Bish claimed that “Devon didn’t mean that much to me, but he was a Brother to you, and part of the club” well that says a lot about the people Bully surrounds himself with. Couldn’t even answer the question correctly.

Big Beard said “I did my job!”

Crazy Face Wes added “I don’t know what happened”

And finally to finish off a riveting informative investigation Anderson proclaimed “It it, what it is”.

Well, case closed I guess.

Bully however didn’t blink an eye, going back to the well of Devon always being a loser, a co-star and a side-kick. So that’s great, and in turn Bully patched in Tito.

Anderson however was annoyed, due to the lack of a Vote, being a tightly knit group of idiots who keep Bully in power. Either way, the friction between Bully and VP Anderson, not to mention the rest of the club is obviously going in the direction of perhaps Anderson taking over as President and moving on to better things.

It’s the whole Jax / Clay relationship, only without years of story, real emotion… and murder.

You could also make an argument for interesting characters, biker gang that uses bikes and that little thing I forget the phrasing for… I think.. oh yeah that’s right… I don’t care.

Kazarian vs. Jeff Hardy – BFG Series  

Hey everyone it’s “MUST WIN THURSDAY!” except for the part where you get another chance to win next week.

Also, it is bugging me that Jeff is sort of in the top running’s… yet he’s barely being used of late. He just pops up, and it’s like they’re keeping him there just for the fact that if they decide to put Jeff back in the Main Events, least they will get some more merchandise sales and good crowd reactions.

Kazarian has been a big part of the BFG Series from the get go, always being on the show, always having something to do. Kaz is the most under-rated guy on TNA’s roster in my opinion. So it’s sort of irritating to see Jeff jump to the “Final Four.. almost” just because he’s Jeff Hardy.

I still really like Jeff obviously, but it’s like they don’t know how to use him, so he’s just a “ratings draw” and keep him there just in case they need that boost. Whereas Kaz would be a risky, different, unique approach. I don’t expect Kazarian to win big, but if Sabin can, then why the hell not?

Still, they both put on a good match to kick off the show, even if the “Wrestling Logic” of the Figure-Four Leg-Lock didn’t apply. Normally if the hold is reversed the pressure switches to the other guy, aside from in this case, where it made no difference.

Also Jeff was back to his skin-tight ski top again, there is a big difference between that, and his tank top armband look, and his credibility shoots up on the latter. Either way, Jeff took the win and the points and moved up to the Final Four in the BFG Series.

Gail Kim vs. ODB – 2 out of 3 Falls – #1 Contenders Match

 

It was quite obvious they wanted to move ODB into the position Taryn Terrell would have been in, if she didn’t fall pregnant. Though it does seem strange to have Gail Kim to be the one to put everyone over. I suppose she has been used in the title picture a lot. But still.

Also, it’s nice to see different Match Stipulations for the Knockouts, but part of me always liked the “potential” in 2 out of 3 Falls matches, but the recent ones just seem to be a by the numbers.

Usually the Heel will win the first fall, the Face will struggle, probably pull off an upset really quickly after the first fall, and then wind up winning after building back some momentum, or another quick victory (roll-up).

It makes me think, why doesn’t TNA actually do some type of “BIG MATCH”. Like an Hour Long Iron-Man match. A Falls Count Anywhere that has a big spot, like someone jumping off something really high, or an old fashioned crazy happening in the back.

They could do something with their Wrestlers that was “Must See”. Yet they seem to play it safe these days. I for one would love a really good Match Stipulation, maybe not for Bound for Glory itself, the whole privilege of that is to Wrestle in a traditional Wrestling Match for the Belt. But a rematch shortly after with some kind of Stipulation, that would be good.

Either way, ODB landed on her Knee “badly” and that led to Gail “picking it apart” and applied the dreaded “Texas Shooter” or “Sharp Leaf”… the latter would be better suited.

It’s like the “Tickling Stick” or “Pillow Slam”.

Gail picked up the first fall with a Submission win, ODB was down and injured, and what do you know, she caught Gail with a roll-up from another Submission Attempt and won the second fall. ODB then randomly applied “some sort of Submission???” and won the match. Why is it ODB with an “injured” knee was able to battle a submission longer than Gail Kim who had no “injured limbs” and tapped out pretty much straight after the hold was applied.

Why is it that a 2 out of 3 falls match makes it seem like Wrestlers can win and lose matches much quicker than if it were a normal singles match. It’s like the whole “Battle Royal”, throwing people out of the ring is stupidly easy, half of the time they do it themselves, add the stipulation it’s a Battle Royal, and it’s the most difficult thing in the world. It would be easier to pin them from the “Pillow Slam” than get them anywhere close to the top rope. Why don’t they just throw them over the ropes like they’d normally do, why do they feel the need to try and grope lift them, one leg at a time over the ropes. I know why, but like… logically, it makes no sense.

I like Sense!

So Velvet Sky is back, normally I wouldn’t have even written this down, because you know. She walked around, the Camera man zoomed in on her “Chest Region” and she spoke a load of crap not worth the ink in my pen. But, she was asked about missing the Hardcore Justice tapings, and she said she had an “personal” issue to attend to. But they played on the whole Chris Sabin losing his belt thing.

That’s right, Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky have been dating for many years… yup.

Still, this is either a clever work around for a real problem Velvet had, or this whole “I hope she’s okay” lark that generated online, was just TNA plotting something. It’s interesting, because as much as they make errors, they are rather good at blending some of the lines between Wrestling and the real world… of the internet…. the creepy world.

Samoa Joe, Rampage Jackson and Sting from the Main Event Mafia made their way to the ring. Apparently Magnus had issues making the tapings due to his passport / visa. It’s not that interesting of a story.

Rampage took the time to once again promote his MMA fight, but in a “I’m not going to wait to our fight”, whilst clearly plugging they are going to fight, and also what day it is. So that was convincing.

Sting Woo’d for AJ, not sure when that became a Compliment….

Card Passed

AJ made his way to the ring with his new terrible mix of “Evil Ways” and his old Theme. Surely they could find a better way of mixing the two? Perhaps give him a new theme that plays on both. Perhaps stick to one and not try and find a balance. I was hoping AJ would come out and be more of a “I didn’t do this for you” and still stick to being a Dark type of Character. Instead they went with a “Respectful, Untrusting, Heavily Scripted, Rebelliousness” angle.

Who ever heard of the phrase “don’t put all of your eggs in one basket”.

So AJ was “I don’t trust you!” but “Thank you for your kind words” all at the same time. It was a horrible mash up. Then they made it worse by trying to get AJ to be yet again deliver TNA’s “pipe bomb” moment. AJ had true things to say, he has carried the company, he has been there to pick up after their terrible mistakes, and telling Dixie Carter that he deserves better.

There was a lot of truth in what he had to say, but of course, it just reeked of heavily scripted material, where they tried too hard to make AJ come across as likeable, but in a lonesome, yet poorly treated manor.

At least they didn’t have come out and pretend nothing happened, and just be like his old self. They are at least trying to keep his “Dark” character thing, it’s just a shame they had to change it back so quickly. This is feels so much less natural, than having him just be by himself. Surely AJ could have come out, beaten Devon, and still showed that he didn’t care about the Main Event Mafia, and didn’t need to have his old music back. He could have just been out to get rid of someone from The Aces and Eights, and left it at that.

Card Job

 

 

Bobby Roode vs. AJ Styles – BFG Series

 

I do like that the landscape of the BFG Series has changed from the direction it seemed to be heading. But it would feel so much nicer if it didn’t seem so blatantly obvious they don’t know what is best to do for their biggest PPV.

Personally, AJ Styles (full on Dark Character) vs. Bully Ray would have been great. I like Magnus, I don’t want him to win. I really like that Bobby Roode has come back in full force, I think Roode in the Main Event would be great, but would they put him against Bully? Heel on Heel?

Aries vs. Bully would be great. Hardy vs. Bully would just be because they didn’t know what else to do, but that would be the worst outcome.

AJ and Roode had a great match, AJ’s Moonsault from the Ramp, to Roode’s impressive SpineBuster, but it was AJ who counted into a Pinning Victory and came up just short to make the Final Four.

Last year AJ quickly racked up the points too, but I feel confident AJ will be in the Final Four after next week’s match.

 

 

Christopher Daniels vs. Austin Aries – BFG Series

 

In all honesty, I was surprised that AJ and Roode didn’t have the Main Event. But I do think they are pushing Aries currently, and whereas AJ Styles is going back into semi Face – no idea where he is type of character. Aries is being pushed as the “Lone Wolf” which AJ was before.

I do feel that Aries could win the Series, and he will be my pick if AJ doesn’t pick up the last points next week. Still, Aries and Daniels not only had the best match on the card, but one of the matches I intend to re-watch for my contenders of Match of the Year.

It’s true, Christopher Daniels is a great Wrestler, and since Bad Influence has taken off, and he’s been less serious and “Fallen Angel” like, he has become a fantastic personality on the show too.

He and Aries tore it down, and it just goes to show that put anyone in the ring with Austin Aries, and you will have a fantastic match.

The finish came with Daniels running the Ropes, only to be followed by Aries who lands his devastating Running Drop Kick on Daniels full spring back momentum, and then drops him with the Brain Buster and picks up the Win, putting Aries, Magnus, Roode and Hardy in the Top Four of the BFG Series… so far.

Hulk Hogan made his “long awaited” return to Impact, after some “Bolshoi” story of him being in Meetings for over a Month worth of Television.

Hogan drew a huge reaction and dropped the news of next week’s 12 Man Gauntlet Match for the last 20Points in the BFG Series. It’s a shot for someone else to jump into the Final Four and someone to drop down, or for the current Final Four to move to the top position and pick their No Surrender opponent.

My guess is AJ Styles moves up, Jeff drops out.

Bully Ray then crashes the segment, Hogan throws him some “magical” divorce papers, Brooke gets to leave on a happy ever after note, Bully brings out Tessmacher. Then Hogan says at No Surrender Bully must defend the World Championship against one of The Aces and Eights members.

And then Hogan makes his normal Blunder and announces that next week Bully is defending the Belt against Sting. Which isn’t true… I don’t think.

So this is where we stand, Hogan is getting a lot of Heat on him currently, and though I am a big fan of Hogan, and Bischoff, it does go to say, they have always had a lot of bad rep. People said since day one, get them out of TNA. And with everything that’s happened to TNA of recent, not to mention Hogan and Bischoff sitting back saying what “we would do” to help TNA, they have both apparently had a Creative Input, and not done anything. I think it is time to get rid of Hogan, and Bischoff. And forget bringing in new guys just yet, and focus on re-building what made TNA great. AJ Styles – World Champion, that fixes a lot of things. Get a great Tag-Team Roster going, bring the X-Division front and centre, stock up on the Knockouts, and put on great Wrestling, with daring Television and crazy characters. Forget Gut Check, forget Bootcamp, forget MMA, forget bringing in people for no reason, give the guys who want to build TNA the money they deserve. And fire the people who do very little and would leave if they had a better offer.

Seems fair right?

Till then.

Dan.

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

TNR Cover 12

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