Smack Talk Centre-Raw
Monday Night Raw #1062: September 30, 2013!!!
What’s this I hear? You can’t get online on GTAV? What’s all the complaining and b!tching for? Consider yourself lucky your PS3 or XBox 360 failed on you with the red/yellow light of death! I thought the streets would be quiet like when England plays Germany in the world cup! Now you are forced to socialize, or even worse, read this blog and hear me diss your favourite wrestlers – YES it’s the Hip Hop reppin, fried chicken eating, Supermalt guzzling, stylin’ and profylin’, diva loving, wrestling fan hating Infamous Informer!
Tre pound seven spin around for my bredren the clouds come down
War and peace, I take it to the street
Land shark on my lawn chop the thumbs off a thief!
En route to Battleground! RAW #1062! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!
Wanted to know where Big E Langston disappeared to? Well here he is!!!! CM Punk wanted a fight, well he got one alright!
…watching this wrestling contest, all it is, is that it’s showing that if CM Punk can defeat Langston with the Go To Sleep super move, he can do that to Ryback at the Battleground PPV… well The Grant Says….. No no no I don’t do predictions here! I get behind the camera to talk predictions so be on the look out for that! All I do here is run joke where appropriate!!!
I’m sorry I don’t understand the sh!t Bray Wyatt and his fam be talking… Kofi Kingston had a steel chair in his hand as if to go Jafakecan and say ‘Unno stop your noise bwoy and tek some beaten in your head-cup!!!’ With 6 matches confirmed for Battleground there must be a segment between Kofi and the Wyatts surely…. Kofi I think you will need help though! Where’s that dude who speaks ‘the TRUTH’???? I mean, he got that ‘Little Jimmy’, the Wyatts got that ‘Sister Abigail’… better call your bredrin Kofi!!!
Ok it’s the moment y’all been waiting for (Well I wasn’t waiting quite frankly…) It’s the début of those Los Matadores… first thing, let Lillian Garcia announce you with her Spanish fly @$$! What the f**k is up with that bull???? This is some BULLSH!T!!! Pun intended!!!! (nah Grant give em a chance – you don’t wanna be like them IWC idiots….) yeah true say! Let’s watch…
Ok so they got some kid called El Torito, and they got some impressive super moves…. nice! It’s only a matter of time before they feud with those idiotic so-called ‘Real Americans’… I’m not feeling the entrance theme though… and what’s with the pink attire? not feeling that either… I don’t care if it’s #RiseAboveCancer, you can support the cause without having to wear pink! Well anyway, this is what their entrance should really be like… yo check it…
Play this music, and I’ll be over with the Los Matadores!!!! Come Rosa Mendes! Strictly Come Dancing with me! Do the Lambada!!!
So they are finally called ‘The Authority’… no need to call them the ‘Corporation’… F**k that, I’m gonna call em how Eric Cartman calls em… The Authoritaaah!!!!
So hold up, last time I check Steph, wasn’t there only one job???? Now you’re saying there are now two jobs??? Yo I wanna job! I’m studying Journalism! One of my modules involves getting work experience! Sh!t I’ll do this sh!t for free! Er wait, All I need is a new PS3, WWE2K14, a new TV to play it on, some Wu-Wear, and some food inna mi belly at night!
This is the storyline I am engrossed in though, the Rhodes family. Admittedly I wasn’t so hot on the Rhodes until NOW. So this is how it goes down, the Rhodes will face The Shield at Battleground. If they win, they are employed with WWE. They lose, that’s the end of the Rhodes family… and Dusty Rhodes joins them in the job centre? So wait there… Dusty is working for WWE as well? I don’t understand that Triple.. Dude is like – 68 – isn’t he already retired? Furthermore, what if Dusty works for somewhere else??? Erm…Hexplain yourself Triple!!!
I don’t think Triple needs to explain himself at all – The Shield come and explained it for them!!!!! Triple Powerbomb into the canvas – BLAOW!!!!! But wait… suppose The Shield LOSE at Battleground???? How are they gonna report to the Authoritaah???? OH BOY OH BOY!!!
Er… why are the crowd chanting ‘CM Punk’ while Curtis Axel and R-Truth are fighting??? Oh I just answered my question did I??? Oh ok!!!!
Now they’re chanting ‘Boring’???? Er Punk Midas…. you might have to send for the Cult Of Personality here!
OH SNAP!!!!! HERE WE GO!!!! Why you getting worried Heyman? Isn’t your lover Dryback gonna save you this time? I’m sure he will!!! (Shout out to STC member Icy Fresh!)
As for you Axel… you’re there getting fired up like a fool and you forget that R-Truth still in the ring! Laid you out – BLAOW!!!! That means he’s liable to take your I.C. Title!
Look at Heyman! He’s like – ‘ah you got me!!!! Now let me go and just wipe my doo-doo bottom!’
Big ups to R-Truth for stating he wants that title, and getting that fine @$$ Renee Young to say ‘What’s Up!!!’ I’d be like – Renee what’s up wit you girl??? wanna Come Dine With Me??? Yam & dumplin, Rice & peas, chicken, they good for your hips girl!
Before I continue on with my favourite part of the show I wanna give a shout out to WWE Hall Of Famer Trish Stratus who has just given birth to Baby Maximus! Big respect to her, not so much respect to her baby father who hasn’t wrote that book I asked him for yet! (What book?) Yeah the book of him engaging in coitus with Trish! How many wrestling fans the world over have dreamt of that and this guy has LIVED IT?!!!!!!
Dayuum Alicia Fox you have put some meat on that @$$ haven’t you! And your fighting style has much improved! You wanna tribute video like Trish??? Join the queue!!!!
Big ups to Brie Bella on that win… so what is that super move called? the Bella factor? I also find it amusing that one minute Nikki Bella was in crutches and could hardly walk and now she’s back in them clear heels!!!! Girl you NASSSSSTAAAAY!!!
I could talk about the Alberto Del Rio vs Zack Ryder match, but nah – f**k that lets talk about this instead… Well it looks like bad news for us Undertaker fans, those cryptic #RestInPieces tweets by WWE was not talking about a return, but from what I made out, this Todd McFarlane dude has something to do with it… I think he’s bringing Undertaker to the comic book franchise! Now I’m not a comic book head.. but I wouldn’t mind reading that good sh!t!
OH SNAP!!!! Tell me I’m not hearing right! Is Paul Heyman that much in love that he wants to make an honest man out of Dryback???? OH MY GOD NO HE’S TOOK HIM BY THE HAND!!! What are we teaching our kids???? STOP THIS MADNESS!!!
“Ryback… you big bad ‘beautiful’ man will you become a Paul Heyman Guy????” WWE is confusing the kids!!!! This is disgusting! The WWE ‘Universe’ does not support it! NO! NO! NO! Like Daniel Bryan!!! Before Dryback said the dreaded Y-word, The Cult of Personality does not approve! Jumps over the barricade and…. WHOA!!! He mash-up him knee???? Must be a trick surely!!! The doctors took long enough to come out and check on him! He’s a Wolverine….use your healing powers Punk what’s wrong with ya!
Ha-haaaaaaah!!!! He is WOLVERINE! There was nothing wrong with his knee! Used it as bait so he could somehow reach for the kendo stick and lick down Heyman, Axel and Dryback with it!!! Good trick CM Punk but you gotta come better than that – Mark Henry’s retirement speech was superbly done!
YES! YES! YES! Ziggler lose to The Shield again!!!! Are you jabronies satisfied now that Ziggler is WACK??? he can’t beat them! I feel it for the Usos though, #1 contenders for the tag titles – but can’t face them at Battleground because of the Rhodes family B.U.T. I can’t complain, the Rhodes storyline is red hot!
You’ll never guess what, I’m gonna big up The Real Americans! (GASP!!!) I know! How can you NOT respect Cesaro’s giant swing? It is incredible! Cesaro – just do the right thing and turn face against Wack Swagger and Zeb Coulter, who I’ve also gotta big up because they are reppin the pink for the fight against Cancer…. well to me they are pu$$yholes anyway so they got the right colours on! Seriously there is NO NEED to wear pink in the fight, as long as you contribute and support, you ain’t gotta wear pink… f**k that sh!t! I’m the Infamous Informer and I approve this message!
Oh no Cesaro threw the snake away (Santino’s prop)… how is Santino gonna win??? He has to rely on his wrestling skills now!
Oh SNAP – surprise pinfall and Santino got him!!!! HA! It’s all about this Italian fist!!! GWARN SANTINO!
The latest Big Show episode has brought me to a conclusion I should have seen a long time ago… This is leading to Big Show Vs Triple Teef… I thought it was probably Triple Vs Daniel Bryan… now I’m not sure which one is coming first… Apparently the po-po was gonna arrest Big Show for wilding out until Stephanie put the brakes on… saves Big Show from getting arrested but tells the po-po that she talks to show’s wife and she tells her that his sexual prowess is lacking as well???? This is getting out of hand surely! You can’t say them tings!!!! Big show sees the Triple H Thy Kingdom Come canvas on the wall and proceeds to give it the Sean P treatment….unfortuantely Show I have… well rather Bruce Lee has a few words for you…
Uh-Oh!!!! Er Randall how are gonna go there by bringing Brie Bella into this???? That’s personal rude boy – this is not what’s best for BUSINESS!!!! Oh I get it… you fancy her don’t you!!!! You want to PUT IT IN!!!! Because you have no pum-pum in your life right now!!! You can pick any woman you want Randall – STC member Dawn Bayley will sacrifice her fiancé just to have her way with you!!
It’s all out ruckus now! Randall practically said to Danielson that he would f**k Brie better than he can! Er Brie, why you coming down to ringside for? I know you wanna defend your man, but all you have done is put the voices in Randall’s head…. they chat to him!!!!
Brie – don’t just stand there – find a kendo stick and lick down Randy! Look what you made him do, set up Danielson on the announce table – RKO – BLAOW!!!! It’s no good telling Randall to leave him alone – Randall be like – you want me to leave him alone? then come and suck this c@ck!!!!
Just think – it could have been worse – Randall could have kicked Danielson in his head…
Tre pound seven spin around for my bredren the clouds come down
War and peace, I take it to the street
Land shark on my lawn chop the thumbs off a thief…..muthaf***a!!!!
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR POWERBOMB PRO WRESTLING NEWS.