Tag Archives: Smack Talk Centre RAW

Monday Night Raw #1304, May 21, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

MEGHAN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I just wanna take this time to big up Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex… Some sound advice from the Infamous Informer: Get your own supply at ALL TIMES. Learn Shaolin Kung Fu, some wrestling moves (strong style with a bit of Undertaker style preferred) and invest in some vibranium! YOU SAW THE LOOK THE QUEEN GAVE YOU??!!! She wants to KILL!!!!

Queen death look

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1304! I’m on the YouTube tip… I have been told it wasn’t that hot…

Say what? Baron Corbin like to collect human skulls?? Since when did this head reclining muthaf***a become the predator?

GRANT BODY-P!

No Way Jose lose again! I mean… was he called up from NXT to be a jobber??? Not good for you homie!

Have we gotta watch The B-Team Vs Breezango again??? Oh that’s ok – it didn’t last long – Breezango acting like a faggot as usual cost him the match, and now the B Team are rolling around on the canvas like Billy & Chuck… Lord help me…

Chad Gable is going nowhere fast… sorry kid, you need your bredrin back. American Alpha should never have split up. And that’s real.

Bobby Roode Vs Elias again?!!! What is this – The best of seven series????

The beef between Double R & Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL! Continues! (see when you mention the modern-day mararrrrrrraja you have to say – Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL!

Kevin Owens & Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL! Putting the beats to Double R when suddenly – BURN IT DOWN!!!!! Seth Rollins sends for the tandem engine!!!

DISRESPECT!!!! Sami Zayn gets guys to dress up in drag to diss Bobby Lashley? Are you serious right now… Ok fans – you are allowed to complain on the internet… If I was the crowd I would walk out word up…

WTF is Lashley wearing? Looks like some tight up sh!t… NO LASHLEY! Wear Roc-a-Wear jeans! What a good thing I didn’t watch this sh!t last night…

Let’s move on to the nicer things in life… The LADIES!!!!

Ember Moon Vs Alexa Bliss – I hope Ember beats out Alexa’s blodclart!

Mickie James tried to teef by taking off her show and lickin’ Ember Moon with it! Hey you’re not Ember’s mother??!!! Brings back memories!!!

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Mickie got ketch by the referee! God dayuuuum Mickie OWWWWWWWWWWW!! Ref – send her to my yard!! Girl looking fine like that – dayuuuuuuuuuuum!PIC_0038

Alexa tried a distraction roll up! Ember Moon BEXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!! Alexa ‘fraid now!

Ember Moon hit the Eclipse – BLAOW!!!! That’s my girl! EMBER MOON!!!

Wait a minute… Ronda Rousey gets a title shot against Nia Jax and suddenly Stephanie shows up??? I smell a rat here!

Kurt Angle & Stephanie in the ring… the intense sexual chemistry is still there! These two cannot lie to me!

Now look what you done Stephanie… you gone and mentioned Roman Reigns name…

I don’t know about you guys but I like Double R’s ‘Samoan Temper’! Yeah Stephanie – watch your tone girl! Or d!ck in your mouth!

GRANT BODY-P!

“You don’t want me near that Universal Championship, or that Money In the Bank contract…” Er Double R… you couldn’t be more wrong!!

Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaaaah! Look at Kevin Owens! putting his arm on Stephanie’s shoulder! Stephanie looks like she gonna say – GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME you McDonalds eating Jeremy Kyle muthaf***a!

Well she did… not in so many words!

Am I seeing right? Dana Brooke is in the ring fighting??? STOP PRESS! STOP THE ROYAL HONEYMOON! Harry if you are having sexual intercourse with Meghan STOP and PULL OUT RIGHT NOW! THIS IS HUGE!

GRANT BODY-P!

Natalya joins Alexa, Becky, Charlotte & Ember in the Money in the Bank ladder Match! Fantastic!

Yes the sequence of events are muddled up – I’m just going by what YouTube showed me ok?!!! I do have the common sense to know that the Kurt/Steph/Roman/Owens segment came on first leading to a singles match which ended in Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL! being teef which made Seth Rollins Burn It down and now it’s turned into a tag match!

Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL! Couldn’t take the pressure! The Shield won the match but dude is beating them down with steel chairs!

I don’t understand why Braun Strowman and Finn Balor are fighting each other but this is what we have! Braun Strowman tried that running around the ring sh!t but Balor was ready for him – Slingblade!!!

Oh man! Finn Balor giving Strowman such a fight that Strowman had to pull down his straps! Not even Brock Lesnar has made him do that!

Look at Stephanie trying to stir the pot with the contract signing! Something tells me Ronda Rousey and Nia Jax are gonna rush Stephanie and beat out her blodclart! At least that’s how I would armchair book it!

Stephanie thinks Ronda will tek foot and gone out of WWE if Nia beats her! That’s f**ked up! I’m sure Ronda knew what she signed up for!

Look at Nia! She looks like the super meter is building within her!!!

Ronda Rousey is left-handed! My family believes that left handed people are some clever muthaf***az!

Maybe Stephanie’s plan worked! Contracts are signed, hands are shook, eyes locked on, and look in the middle in the background that evil Stephanie! Is there a picture of this?

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STEPHANIE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!! That is straight VINCENT KENNEDY RIGHT THERE!

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Monday Night Raw #1302, May 7, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

SERIOUSLY???

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WALKING OUT THE JOINT? It couldn’t have been THAT BAD???

Guys – he didn’t win the World Wrestling Federation Championship… you do know that right?

You know what – your actions makes me NOT wanna write this blog word up!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1302! Ok I do agree with you guys, Samoa Joe Vs Double R should NOT have been the main event… that’s taking the p!$$!

I got those big @$$ hula hoops, spicy chilli flavor, mint aero (actually I might put that back and wait for Smackdown because that’s Naomi flavour) and get the jaffa cakes… come on WWE give me some joke!

I am already experiencing problems with this stream, and with the mood I’m in, I might just switch it off, and put on that Cobra Kai thing on YouTube…  have you seen it yet? I’ve watched the first two episodes, and it’s already compelling! Good job Ralph Macchio!

Braun Strowman Vs Kevin Owens, winner goes through to Money Innah Bank… unlucky Kevin!!!

“THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE YOU COWARD!!!!”  Braun is f**k!n up Kevin Owens!

Check it – 4 superstars each from RAW & Smackdowns (Men & Women) will compete in the Money Innah Bank Ladder match… this is what I’m saying! STEP THEIR GAME UP! On the same token, this is on YOUR HEAD fans! You’re the ones like ‘cut down the PPVs’… so don’t come with your noise like ‘why is this guy not in it’??? SHUT THE F**K UP!

Happy Birthday Kevin Owens! Oh man! He really is getting birthday beatings!

HAHAHAHA!!!! The run around the ring and then box him down! PUT THAT MOVE IN WWE 2K19 PLEASE!!! What we do know… Braun is going to Money In The Bank… that’s worries for everybody!

The Big Dog is p!$$£d the f**k off!!! AND RIGHTFULLY SO! But what about Mr Lesnar? Aaaaaaah sheeeeeet he’s gonna beat the 434 streak for real!

Jinder thinks he should be in the Money In The Bank ladder match? He’s almost as insane as Kanye according to Jiggaman!

GRANT BODY-P!

Sasha Banks Vs Ember Moon Vs Ruby Riott… winner goes to Money In The Bank… Sasha girl you fine but backing Ember Moon here!!! OWWWWWWWW!!!

OH SH!T! Something went down in the crowd to make security escort them out the building! What the hell happened? Answers on a postcard please! Crowd was chanting YOU DESERVE IT! Don’t tell me someone was masturbating over Liv Morgan?

GRANT BODY-P!

The Riot Squad being teef with Sasha Banks! Bayley came down to help! But this enabled Ember Moon to hit the Eclipse on Ruby Riot – BLAOW!

Gotta love WWE right? Talking about Bobby Lashley’s career, and blatantly ignoring the

Renee ypung sexy ass

Photo courtesy of Edd Mulhall

TNA sh!t! Renee Young wants to know about Bobby Lashley the man… more like she secretly wants some BBC –

OH MY GOD!!! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING!!! YO YO YO!!!! STOP IT!!!

Check it – Jinder Mahal must defeat Chad Gable…if he wants to get into the Money In the bank… wait – the Coach just said Chad reminds him of a young Kurt Angle… Jason Jordan are you watching this???

Jinder Mahal got the Collass on Chad Gable – BLAOW!!! But Mahal wanted to buss up Chad Gable after that… oh dear…

After all that!!!! Kurt Angle gave Jinder a NAUGHT! What a b!tch!

Who would want to Walk With Elias when you can Strut Gloriously with Bobby Roode??

There’s my pick right there!!! Bobby Roode to win the Money Innah Bank! Imagine the storylines going forward! Braun is too obvious… he would cause the most ruckus….actually he would be a good choice as well!

Who wants to test Seth Rollins for the Intercontinental Championship? Oh no… Mojo Rawley? This fool? Yo Seth – send for the TANDEM ENGINE!

Gotta admit – Mojo Rawley is going IN against Seth Rollins! But he couldn’t withstand the curb stomp – BLAOW!

Look at Rollins swinging the belt like a helicopter like his name is Petey Pablo!

Fancy that… The Deleater Of Worlds facing ‘Daxel’… Brother must fight brother! (Wyatt Vs Bo Dallas) This should be good!

Oh it’s finished already? Sorry I was playing Street Fighter…

GRANT BODY-P!

Finn Balor Vs Sami Zayn Vs Roman Reigns! Winner goes to Money Innah Bank! Imagine if Reigns won… oh boy oh boy!

OH SNAP! WWE is in the UK next week! Aaaah sheeeeeet! Get restraining orders ready for the following women: Natalya, Nia Jax, Naomi, Charlotte & Becky… if the Infamous Informer is within 10 feet of those lovely young ladies – arrest him on the spot!

WWE SPICE GIRLS

Jinder Mahal baited it up for Reigns! He’s gonna pay for that I will assure you!

Finn Balor hits the Coup De Grace on Sami Zayn! Balor advances! Are you happy now muthaf***az? Balor is on a PPV! Now shut the f**k up!

GRANT BODY-P!

 

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.

Monday Night Raw #1301, April 30, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

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Imagine! I’m supposed to talk about how Titus O Neill became a Shame of a Nation at the Greatest Royal Rumble… but someone from the Smack Talk Centre decides to tag me in the picture above… NIAAAAA JAAAAAAXXXX! She’s just baaaaaaaad! Imagine her riding your tings! Whining those hips! I am so surprised Redman hasn’t shown up to a WWE event yet… imagine a storyline with Nia & Redman… it would be the best ever!

Redman approves

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RAW 1301! I haven’t done this blogging thing in a while, lets see if I still got it!

Jerry Lawler calls it Bizarro Land, I call it THE PROMISED LAND! The home of my real life woman (Hi Leanna!) RAW is in Canada, and they are booing the hell out of Roman Reigns!

Come on Canada – it’s not like he retired The Undertaker!!!!

Oh dear! Canada you might as well start cheering Reigns – you boo Samoa Joe and now you boo Jinder Mahal!

Jinder Mahal believes he can win the Universal Championship! Wait – Sami Zayn gets cheered!!!! Well that’s alright then! we didn’t wanna boo him anyway!

Oh no – they might boo Bobby Lashley – he prevented Zayn from going to the Greatest Royal Rumbles! They might chant ‘YOU SCREWED BRET’ er I mean ZAYN!

GRANT BODY-P!

And now they cheer Kevin Owens! Would this technically mean Danny Bryan would get booed??? Answers on a postcard please! Tweet me – @MZATheInfamous!

Well at least the crowd wanna see Roman Reigns fight! He gets butts in the seats!!!

Trust in Braun to clean house! He gets cheered – Can’t go wrong!

Oh no – Elias in concert? I didn’t pay to see him? I’m still hurt I didn’t get to see Killah Priest and Lords Of The Underground!!!

I gotta give Elias his props, I don’t think he was meant to get this over with the fans…

Oh no Bobby Roode f**ked up his throat! Elias announces himself as the winner… it would have been even better if Elias sent for the guitar and started singing about Roode’s throat! That would have been TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!

Wait a minute – two local French Canadian wannabe La Resistance fools wanna get buss arse by The Authors Of Pain?? They got entrance music too! WHOA! Did Barry Horowitz get that sh!t? Answers On A Postcard please!

Charly Caruso did ask the fools why…. they should have told her the truth – they wanna get a quick $3000!

GRANT BODY-P!

You know some fool at the Chiarshot  FB wrestling group asked – why Seth Rollins didn’t help join the six man tag match with Reigns & Lashley against Mahal & Sami & Kevin later? FOLLOW THE STORYLINE! WRESTLING IS STORYLINE! See that’s why fans don’t make any sense when they claim to book better than the official bookers! (Not saying that the WWE Bookers are perfect – they’re not) but fans are just that – FANS! KNOW YOUR ROLE!

I don’t think even Seth Rollins was prepared for this ovation! Anyone would think he was inducted in the Hall of Fame!

Ok enough of this French talk from the guys – let’s hear it from the women! (Not you Alexa you’re ugly)

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The crowd is crazy!!!! There’s probably some idiot sitting behind the computer screen like – ‘I want the attitude era’ back…

I can’t believe Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas wanted to form the 4 Horsemen with Balor and Seth! That’s disrespect to Flair! They must want Flair to take off his clothes in disgust!

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Oh yeah that goes for Ruby Riot – Do NOT SPEAK French!

But Sasha – you can speak French all day!!! OH YEAH!!!

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Even the boss lady was no match for the Riott Squad. She and Bayley (and maybe somebody else – Rousey maybe?) should stop being b!tches and combine their force!

Now I was gonna retire to my bed because I am mad tired – but yo – Titus is coming on! The star!!!!

But just before that – Alexa wants sympathy – she gets NONE FROM ME! As far as I’m concerned – she can GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE with her crocodile tears! And I hope she BURNS IN HELL!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

“This is for everybody who had a ‘Nia’ in their life”… Well THE GRANT SAYS – if ‘Nia’ looks like that – I WANT HER IN MY LIFE! GOD DAYUUUUUUUM!

Titus admitted that he took the L! What a good sport!! He’s smiling too! As usual Baron Corbin is hating… watch this – Corbin gonna lose!

As for Woken Matt Hardy & Wyatt… YAAWWWWWWNNN look at the time! Past my bedtime! (Nothing to do with the RAW Tag Team Champions, I am actually genuinely tired.) Goodnight wrestling fans, don’t let the Double R bugs bite you in your basement @$$!

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Good morning True wrestling fans! Welcome back, and I hope you are still joining in at home. I wake up this morning praising the lord for another day, but also contemplating how to get that God Of War game… like I want the game but I have so much going on I don’t want to regret it financially. Anyway enough rambling on, let’s watch the rest of RAW! Where’s my coffee at?

Drew Wackintyre & Dolph Ziggler think every superstar should be afraid… I don’t know about you but when you have guys like Bray Wyatt, Matt Hardy, The Authors of Pain, Bobby Lashley & Braun around… this is the part where I become my favorite superhero as I say this:

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I know everyone’s favourite hero is Thanos right now… sorry – Blade is STILL DA MAN!

OH NO!!!!! Titus clearly using his misfortune and turning it into a positive to f**k up Baron Corbin! No Way Jose caught Corbin with a distraction roll up! I know Shadfather & Icy Fresh loves those! I think Corey Graves is on to something… No Way Jose joining Titus Worldslide??? I could slide to that!!!

I so cannot wait to see Alexa Blitch get BUSS ARSE by Nia Jax again! Alexa got life though this week because if Ronda Rousey ketch haar Alexa would be in a box! And we don’t want that now do we lads? It would be a sad day for you while I be Thanos laughing in your face!

GRANT BODY-P!

Great wrestling contest between Seth Rollins and Finn Balor – well do we expect anything less? Reversals galore, near falls, beautiful! Unlucky Balor – But you don’t have a match at Backlash though… er uh-oh! Therin lies WWE’s problem! So much talent its unreal.

A team with Double R, Lashley and Braun… there’s no way Sami Jinder and Kevin can beat them surely???

OH NO NOT AGAIN! Every time Sami & Kevin find their feet on the outside, Braun knocks them down again! But this move in WWE2K19 PLEASE!!!!! Make it a OMG! Moment! Because that sh!t is too funny!

Now…it’s gonna hurt me, but if I want God of War, Burnout Paradise will have to leave the building temporarily. Just like business, you have to make tough decisions. John and Nikki know all about tough decisions…

GRANT BODY-P!

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Monday Night Raw #1298, April 9, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

SHAME. SHAME. SHAME! RING THE BELL!

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Imagine! I’m supposed to talk about how Ronda Rousey looked sexy in that little kilt she had on, I should talk about when a little kid named Nicholas is a tag team champion and could get the next Warrior award next year, I should talk about how NO ONE apart from Mike Knoxxx knew that Brock Lesnar was gonna hold down the title and could be going for the 434 days…which I support I might add! I should even talk about the Undertaker! Looking like a million bucks and f**ked up John Cena… but when you talk WrestleMania moments… it doesn’t get better than this! Natalya exposing her shaven pu$$y in front of 78,811 fans… GOD DAYUUUUUUM!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1298! RAW AFTER MANIA! Who’s coming from NXT? Who is gonna surprise our @$$£$?

Look at Stephanie’s arm!! AWWWWWWW!!! Now SHUDDUP and sign those cheques!

Hey Ronda girl don’t trust that Stephanie!!! What is she up to?

It’s very similar to when Vincent Kennedy was trying to tell Austin that he needs to adapt and be flexible, and adaptation is a key of life as well as in business! Now fans! Telling Steph to shut the f**k up is advice YOU GUYS should be practicing!

Rousey as Austin: “Can I get 10 seconds to think about it?”

Stephanie as Vince: “By all means!”

Rousey as Austin: ARM BAR AS THE STUNNER!

NIA JAX: NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

nia jax oh my dayz

Wait a second – it’s a handicap match? Mickie James & Alexa must combine their force? Why don’t the fans chant…. OH SNAP THEY CALLED ALEXA AN @$$HOLE! WHOA!

IT’S NO HANDICAP! EMBER MOON IS IN THE BUILDING!!!! YES!!!

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SEXY B!TCH! LOOK AT HER! OWWWWWWWWW!

Even better – she hit Alexa Bliss with the Eclipse super move! BEAUTIFUL! LIFE IS GOOD!

Well what do you know?! Nicholas is over with the crowd! BUT Nicholas has school! So They have given up the titles! I was hoping Nicholas was gonna get some pu$$y with those tag titles!

GRANT BODY-P!

NO WAY JOSE is on the house! Yes its that Adam Rose sh!t all over again… I see people complaining on the internet already… come on man it’s party time!

SETH ROLLINS! NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!!!

I don’t know what all that was about thanks to the stream, but it looks like as the Miztourage was gonna take on Finn Balor & Seth Rollins, JEFF HARDY comes out!!! So hmmmm! They not gonna run with that Brother Nero sh!t????

The fans are still singing that stupid song to Bayley? NOT Mandy Rose??? AH CHUPID SONG!!! Mind you I wouldn’t be too happy if the crowd sand ‘Guess Who Loves You More’ to Naomi… even though I would understand!

Holy smokes Paige has finally dropped the R – Bomb… like Undertaker put back on his gloves and his coat and his hat, but Paige is the one who is forced to put down her pale make up in the middle of the canvas… this is the part where I should say ‘Thank You Paige’… but since I was never a fan… I’ll leave that to you guys.

Now if I was Elias I would be careful what I say on that guitar! One false mention of the don of dons and he’s going to be in a box!!!!

The WWE Universe is down with Walking With Elias though!!! Not me though – I’m hip hop to the core!

You know what Elias – dissing the crowd might not help you!

BUMBACLAAAAAAAAAT! BOBBY LASHLEY!!!! HOLY SMOKES!!! HE’S NOT SHUCKING AND JIVIN’! 

You know what Apollo? retreat to Smackdown! It’s not a good look for you kid!

GUNSHOT! “Our tag team division is full, but I heard TNA is hiring…” I can’t believe Kurt said that!!!! THE FIFTH WALL IS BROKEN!

You don’t suppose Vincent Kennedy has brought…. nah it cannot be possible surely?!!!

Heath Slater & Rhyno – you guys are going in a box – THE AUTHORS OF PAIN ARE HERE! Thanks for being WWE superstars… you will be missed…

Here he is! Mr Marmite! The Big Dog! Come on fans! He didn’t retire The Undertaker! Cut him some slack!

Brock Lesnar has re-signed with the World Wrestling Federation! Oh man! And he’s fighting Double R at the Greatest Royal Rumbles! Come on BROCK! I’m only supporting you because I want you to break the 434!

Oh man! Double R has still gotta deal with this dude! Samoa Joe – who has missed TWO WrestleManias on the trot… that’s f**ked up!

See Samoa Joe is running down Reigns calling him a failure… but Reigns could have countered like – yeah it took 6 F5s to put me down! It only took ONE to put you down! Sorry Double R, you made yourself look like a beeeeeattchhh!

GRANT BODY-P!

Bray Wyatt ‘reincarnated’… now he plays second fiddle to Matt Hardy! WOW! What a b!tch!

So, Kurt says if Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn want a job… they gotta fight for it… such is life!

Er… oh no! Neither individual answered the 10 count! Now both are not on RAW either! Maybe ROH are hiring… or New Japan even… that’s not a bad thing? We love the New Japan!

Kami TNA

Commentators acknowledging the possibility that The Miz could go to Smackdown in the shake up (which happens next week) and restarting the beef with Danny Bryan!

Wasn’t it glorious when Jeff Hardy, Seth Rollins and Finn Balor f**ked up the Miztourage! OHHHH WHAT A FEELING!

 

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.

Monday Night Raw #1294, March 12, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I wanna take this time to big up the newest Facebook wrestling group I am in: The CHAIRSHOT. They are supporting me and the BDSIR NETWORK. I sincerely hope they appreciate the style of blogs I do – This ain’t your usual review blog. I give my thoughts from a Jamaican man’s point of view (which means I don’t take this wrestling sh!t seriously, I use a lot of Hip Hop references, and my aim is to make you laugh. I was born in England of Jamaican descent.) Don’t expect me to talk technicalities in wrestling!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1294! JUST LIKE D12, IT’S FIGHT MUSIC!!!

Ok, I got 2 Chicago pizzas in the oven, a Miranda orange drink, and that marvellous Jamaica ginger cake for later… I got a feeling RAW is gonna be a good one!

Right – I’ve missed the first 20 minutes of this sh!t because of the wack streams. I heard Roman Reigns voice but that’s about it… I bet that doesn’t bother the haters!

Sonya Deville fine @$$ fighting Sasha Banks sexy @$$… I won’t put my pizzas on yet…

Now this Kid Rock guy… I heard he’s not down with the brothers… if that is true then THE GRANT SAYS F**k you Kid Rock! However, he did one thing that I can respect – that is – provide that American Bad Ass tune for The Undertaker when he returned in 2000. All that Judgment Day is now business? It was such a feel good moment after Triple Teef and his crew were beating down The Rock every week…

ARE YOU SCARED? HE’S HERE! HIS JUDGMENT DAY IS NOW!!! THAT IS SOME GOOSEBUMP SH!T! THE MCMAHON HELMSLEY FACTION GOT F**KED UP! AAAH GOOD TIMES!

I am so f**ked off with this stream – I gotta catch up on YouTube in the morning.

…and so I wake up and find that rapper Craig Mack has passed away…muthaf***a!

Can we get a 10 bell salute to Craig Mack?

We gotta keep it moving y’all, so I’m on the YouTube… and I click on the Sonya Deville Vs Sasha Banks match, and straight away there is a warning about its content… er… does one of them lose their top or something? Do we accidentally see Sasha’s pum-pum when her leg is hooked for the three??

LET’S GO IN!!!

All I saw was Bayley helping Sasha win her match against Sonya because Absolution was gonna teef, then after the match they rushed Sasha, by which time Bayley already left the building! The plot thickens!

I didn’t see anything offensive… DID YOU?

YES! The Fabulous Moolah Battle Royal! It’s funny how we were talking about this on the JAMMS Podcast and what Fabulous Moolah has done, good and bad,  hey none of us are perfect… my early pick to win? CARMELLA. F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S… get it? Nah? ok let;s keep it moving…

The Miz trying to work brain as usual to turn Seth Rollins and Finn Balor against each other… I’m just waiting for both of them to get up and kick down The Miz in his mouth corner!

Seth told him to shut up on his own show! Can he do that?

Uh-oh! Seth & Finn look like they are gonna go at it! Look at The Miz’s face! He’s loving this!!! I’ve never seen him look so happy ever since he put it in Maryse!

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OH NO THEY CLOCKED HIM! SMILE GONE!!!!

Miz tried to run but he got ketch! Finn Balor box him down! But forgotten for a split second Seth Rollins is still there!

So Seth is all about Burning It Down and flames on his attire. Do you think my hero Kane taught him how to set things on fire by just using his hands?

So Alexa Blitch believes that Asuka chose Charlotte because she knew she would ‘lose’ her? CALLING MY NXT EXPERTS! Did Asuka & Alexa clash back at Full Sail University??? Answers on a postcard please! TWEET ME @MZATheInfamous!

I don’t like how this Alexa Blitch is talking to Asuka!

WRESTLING FANS ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE – EXHIBIT A! we don’t need to go to NXT! Go back to Jan 1, 2018!!!!

Technically Asuka is eligible for a title shot against Alexa! Asuka could make history, beat Alexa, go to Smackdowns, beat Charlotte at WrestleMania and hold two titles at once! But of course WWE is not gonna clock on to that sh!t!

“To be the woman, you gotta BEAT THE WOMAN”!

Translation… Alexa is NO WOMAN. She is just a LITTLE B!TCH! And Charlotte is ALL WOMAN let me tell ya!

GRANT BODY-P!

Asuka speaks the truth! “I beat you before! I beat you AGAIN!” There’s the evidence up there!

If I was Asuka I’d just kick down Alexa word up!

Mickie James went in against Asuka, but she missed the Mick Kick – got caught with the Asuka Lock – TAP OUT!!! Mickie was crying for Alexa as if Alexa was her moms!!!

Alexa Bliss bex! So what does she do? disrespect Nia Jax… and WWE go and feed some funny looking out of shape jobber to get killed!

OH NO! Someone is on that GTV sh!t! Alexa and Mickie running down Nia! DISRESPECT!

Next week Asuka faces Alexa! But watch this – either that match is not gonna happen, or Nia is gonna jump in and Alexa gonna get F**KED UP!!! If I was Alexa b!tch @$$ I wouldn’t attempt to come to work next week!

Tag Team Battle Royal winner fights The Bar at the WrestleMania!

Wait a minute! BRAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! He can’t enter this? (Then again maybe he can – he has the strength of 10 men and a tag team consists of 2…saying that Braun is a ONE MAN FACTION!!!)

It cracks me up every single time when Braun runs after his opponent! It’s the scariest run ever since the T-1000!

t-1000-running-o

If they cast Braun as the next Terminator – I’m sorry – Arnie would have NO CHANCE! John Connor would be FINISHED! And Alexa Bliss would play as Sarah Connor!

GRANT BODY-P!

Oh sheeeeeeeeeeet! Braun just blatantly told Anderson – “I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!” and dashed him out the ring! He’s the #1 contender for the championship! LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN! Oh wait… you guys like Braun though!!!

WHOA! NEXT WEEK we are gonna see the Ultimate Deletion! NOT WrestleMania! Sounds good to me! Y’all loved the Final Deletion on TNA – I checked it out myself recently… you guys were right – it was so awful that it was entertaining. So don’t complain on the internet saying it’s wack – I EXPECT IT TO BE WACK!

“You have a beautiful family… it would be a shame if something happened to them…” OH MY GOD!!! Wyatt wants to kill little Maxel! he wants to put it n that Reby Sky or whatever her name is! (Yo she is KRISS!!!!) Let’s throw up a picture of her for NO REASON!

Reby Sky

Ok as you have noticed this sh!t is in a different order… let’s get into the nitty-gritty!

Brock is not in the building!!!! UH-OH!!!! LET THE COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET BEGIN! The WWE Universal Champion must in stitches with Sable!

Double R speaks the truth! If you don’t show up to work? You get FIRED! Back to the Jobcentre! Watching Jeremy Kyle on a weekday followed by Supermarket Sweep!

GRANT BODY-P!

Uh-Oh Roman Reigns is calling out Vincent Kennedy! Aaah sheeeeet it’s gonna be pandemonium on the internet!

Good lord! The cameras followed Double R through the gorilla position to the backstage where Vincent Kennedy & Shane are! Shane can’t be there??? This is not Smackdowns?

“GO TO THE COMMERCIAL!!!!”

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Clearly this scene with sexy @$$ Renee Young outside Vincent Kennedy’s office and Roman storming out while Vince ‘seemingly fixing his suit’ is ammunition for the internet who believe Vince & Roman have sexual relations… oh man how awkward is this… Yo WWE – you’re not doing any favors here!

With that said – this is straight WrestleMania quality building! Vince guarantees Brock will be here next week! Here’s the twist! Double R is suspended for a hot minute!

Translation – They are keeping Brock and Roman away from each other until the go home show when they can get their ruckus on! DO THE KNOWLEDGE JABRONIES!

Finally Jonathan Cena… I’m sorry to say this Nikki – you are DEFINETLEY NOT GET MARRIED… you gonna be a widow… you gonna be like Hilary Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air… Cena might as well do a bungee jump and his head hit the concrete floor. The way he talked about The Undertaker… NO ONE HAS GONE THERE. Not the Rock, Not CM Punk, Not even Stone Cold Steve Austin… even when Shawn Michaels kicked the 16-1 headstone, this was nothing compared to Cena’s Grown Thuganomics…

 

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Monday Night Raw #1293, March 5, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

I hope you die-hard wrestling fans hate me, that’s ok, because I hate you right back!

This is what I don’t understand, you see 30 second squash matches on RAW every other week, hell – Sheamus defeated Danny Bryan in 18 seconds at WrestleMania 28 for crying out loud. And yet, you muthaf***az are complaining on the internet over something that happened at a HOUSE SHOW, which you never witnessed live (unless you were in the building of course) you never PAID FOR IT, and above all else, you UK FANS were SNOWED IN! You weren’t moving anywhere! With that said…

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Oh wait, I do understand… it was in Chicago, the place where they worship some guy who doesn’t give a f**k about them…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1293! What’s this I hear about a 50-man Royal Rumble????? Saudi Arabia be making major moves star!

Greatest Royal Rumble

I got cookies, a cup of soup, and a Jamaica Ginger Cake with custard for later! LET’S DO THIS SH!T KURK!

KURT IS CALLING TRIPLE TEEF OUT! HE’S BACKED OFF HIS JACKET TOO!

Wait a minute – Kurt stripping off clothes and Stephanie comes out here? We know you want Kurt to f**k you one more time!

GRANT BODY-P!

Listen to Stephanie wukkin brain! Know Your Role Kurt! Make matches Kurt! Use your head Kurt!

Ronda Rousey is all smiles! She must have had sex earlier!

GRANT THAT IS ENOUGH!

Hold on – Ronda said her debut match at WrestleMania -she can choose anyone she wanted! Er… Stephanie??

Wait a minute – I thought Triple wasn’t here yet!

Oh no! Turns out Stephanie has a second contract as a WWE Superstar! Same with Triple H! Kurt is doing his job – he’s making the matches!!!

There it is! Triple & Stephanie Vs Kurt & Ronda Rousey at the big BIG WrestleMania! (yes we already knew that because we read the dirt sheets) But the way they dropped it – I was marking the f**k out! Kurt got Triple in the ankle lock, Stephanie tried to teef but Rousey caught her with the Samoan Drop! HOLY SMOKES!

F**k that – I’m ready for the Big BIG WrestleMania! JUST LIKE THAT!

Now Asuka is here! GOD DAYUUUUUM SHE FINE!

Mike Cole promoting Ninja Warrior? PAY MAKOTO NAGANO HIS MONEY!

Makoo Nagano

Oh lawd Nia Jax is killing Asuka! SHE WANTS TO KILL!!!! But Asuka got the Triangle chokehold! She won’t let go! It’s locked in for the longest! Nia tried to fight out but Asuka transitioned into an arm bar!!!! SHE’S GONNA BREAK THE ARM! Nia had to tap out! If I was Asuka – I would run for the hills! Alexa Bliss looks like urine gonna leave her vagina and go down her leg!

GRANT BODY-P!

You gotta be kidding me! The almighty Nia Jax CRYING? What is this?!!!! Where are you Shadfather – console this woman!

Shout out to the cute girl who works at Iceland ‘Natalie’ I think her name is – can’t remember – I did my shopping today, I saw the 3 for £2 offer on the cookies, now normally the cashier is like ‘Do you have an Iceland Card?’ Or ‘would you like a bag?’ Not this chick… I know it’s all about service with a smile but she’s like ‘enjoy your cookies!’ Aaah bless her… if I was single…

GRANT BODY-P!

I honestly thought The Revival would be next in line for the titles and go to big BIG WrestleMania… wow.. you NXT guys are allowed to complain on the internet…

I know John Cena is a free agent… but I think he’s taking the p!$$ coming on RAW to explain his WrestleMania plans… you’re fighting on Smackdown homie!

Yes crowd – boo this man! He doesn’t need to be on RAW!!!!

Ok he suggests I listen…

Uh-oh – he’s out to break Ric Flair’s title reigns… I don’t think Ric Flair cares… you saw him in that 21 Savage video!

John Cena wants that Triple Threat match! He wants to Shatter the dreams of die-hard wrestling fans who want AJ Styles Vs Strong Style!

Talking of Shattered Dreams… I don’t understand why Goldust  is out here! Very random…

John Cena looks as confused as us! So confused that he went down after Goldust boxed him!

Careful John – Goldust might have Victoria Secret underneath that outfit!

GRANT BODY-P!

Why did Goldust even bother… he was so much more entertaining when he had the hots for Rowdy Roddy Piper…

Elias speaks the truth! Music brings us together, not tear us apart!

Elias vs Braun in a Symphony of Destruction match! Well as long as RZA’s 36 Chambers studios are not involved… that goes for 9th Wonder’s Jamla studios…

Congratulations to Hillbilly Jim hitting the Hall of fame… he doesn’t mean a damn thing to me but there you go…

Corey Graves just called Mandy Rose – God’s Greatest Creation… There is no doubt – Mandy Rose is hot…but I believe God created something even greater…

tiffany haddish

Meet Tiffany Haddish guys… star of the film ‘Girl Trip’ – she is sexy as f**k and she is funny as hell. LOOK AT THAT… OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

What’s wrong with you Bayley? Sasha saved your clart! You refuse her hug? Oh well come hug me Sasha god dayuuuuum!!!

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

Elias can play every instrument! If hat is so, why hasn’t Ghostface Killah approached Elias for beats?!!!

Elias tried to get away in the car! But the car wouldn’t move!!!

I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys I just got an important message on Facebook… it’s the President of The Wu Worldwide DJ Coalition. I gotta take this call…

Holy smokes! Elias is probably DEAD BY NOW! Braun lick him down with the cello, then he dropped the piano on him! OH SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BRAUN CHISELED YOUR TOMBSTONE! SLEEP WELL!!!!

If you are a gamer, you haven’t lived until you have played Fatal Fury 2… I mean, the last boss fights you in front of a live orchestra… that’s f**ked up!

Now Bray Wyatt just beat Rhyno in roughly 30 seconds… go on – COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET NOW!!!!

Bray Wyatt just mentioned ‘Final Deletion’!

The Hardy Compound??? WHOA! ULTIMATE DELETION!!! I knew it had to go that route! YES!!!

“GET OUT? Get Out is what Kurt Angle should do with Monday Night Raw…” Miz is outta order for that!

He says Kurt is sucking up to Ronda Rousey… I don’t know about you but I would ‘suck’ up to Ronda Rousey…

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that idea! The Miztourage Vs Seth Rollins & Finn Balor? LET’S GO! I wanna see the Miz get BUSS ARSE AGAIN after talking sh!t!

THERE IT IS! TRIPLE THREAT MATCH! Miz Vs Seth Rollins Vs Finn Balor at the big BIG WrestleMania… see I’m supposed to get excited but again – you guys read the dirt sheets and spoiled everything!

Paul Heyman is here with the WWE Universal Championship in his hands!

Wait a minute – he says Brock Lesnar will soon hold BOTH the Universal Title AND the UFC Heavyweight Title? He can’t do that surely?!

Paul Heyman just called the Universal Title ‘Brock’s B!tch?’ Does that mean Brock is cheating on Sable???

Heyman says Double R cannot shoot from the hip against him or Brock! He’s likely to be right!! But Double R is here anyway!

Told Heyman straight – that next week in Detroit, just like D12… it’s FIGHT MUSIC!!!

STC 2018 logo3

Monday Night Raw #1292, February 26, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

‘Michael Grant is NOT a CM Punk fan, nor is he an Alexa Bliss fan, and he likes Roman Reigns.. so therefore Michael Grant, this so-called Infamous Informer, Grant P Body Rock or whatever he calls himself, doesn’t know SH!T about wrestling like we do. Why should we listen to him? Why should we read his blogs? Yeah he posts pictures of women and I just hit like. Apart from that, I don’t give a f**k about his blogs…he thinks he’s some big shot because he’s thinks he working with Wu-Tang Clan.. and got his radio shows that no one listens to… you know what – f**k Michael, f**k his blogs, and f**k Naomi… she’s not even all that…just because she got a big @$$… now Alexa Bliss… that’s what you call an @$$…’

ronda-rousey-636x397

…and yet somehow I predicted everything about the Elimination Chamber correctly… including Ronda Rousey’s WrestleMania opponent – you fools said it would be Charlotte…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1292! It’s WrestleMania season! I got no time for grumpy muthaf***az!

As much as I can’t stand her, I can’t even say Alexa is talking sh!t – she is speaking the truth! She DID smash it at the Chamber!

Nia Jax is on Asuka like – ‘I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!!’

Mickie James must have quietly turned heel or something… there you are IWC – another notch under your belt – you like people to turn heel don’t you?

GRANT BODY-P!

HOLY SMOKES! In the 6 person tag contest, Sasha was going for the tag, but Bayley left the apron!!! UH-OH!!!!

BEST FRIENDS BECOME STRANGERS?

It’s obviously a personal thing because Bayley is still active in this contest…and helps Asuka win the match… it’s just a qualm against Sasha… oh dear Sasha you shouldn’t have kicked her down like that at the Chamber!

John Cena says he has figured it out!!!! he must have been doing some serious sleeping… or serious sleeping with Nikki to figure it out!

GRANT BODY-P!

Wait a second – John!!! You wanna challenge who??? Think about this – you’re getting married aren’t you??? Don’t summon the dead – he’s gonna put you in a box!

SWITCH!!!! “That match is NOT HAPPENING!” Oh my god he came to his senses quick!

“That match is impossible…” I thought you were about making the impossible – POSSIBLE John? I mean, Nikki thought it was IMPOSSIBLE that she would get married to you!

He’s gonna go to Smackdowns!! It is the land of opportunity! Y’all know I’m 50/50 on this, but I’m just throwing it out there – John Cena Vs Undertaker was a Smackdown thing back in the day!

Why do the commentators act like what Bray’s doing (that upside down spider sh!t) they haven’t seen it before?

Remind me to research this ‘FINAL DELETION’ thing which made Broken Matt Hardy so famous!

Oh no! The Miz is going for longest running (accumulative days) Intercontinental Champion of all time! Somebody stop him!!!

“Those booing you will be watching it (Miz & Mizzus) anyway so I don’t care…” While The Miz may have a point about the haters I know one person who WILL NOT be watching it – ME!!!

Miz has no merchandise! I wonder why??! Because NO ONE WANTS TO BUY THAT SH!T!

“I should be going to the main event of WrestleMania…” Er Miz… in order to do that, you have to either:

A – win the Royal Rumble

B – win the Elimination Chamber

C – already be the World Wrestling Federation Champion

You are NONE OF THOSE THINGS! So with that said  –

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Don’t take off your dark glasses giving me that mean grill – YOU’RE A PU$$Y!

Oh dear! He’s really upset isn’t he! Somebody give this muthaf***a a kleenex!

he-gon-cry-in-the-car-o

HOLY SMOKES! The Miz was three-quarters away and Seth Rollins hit the frog splash off the top ropes!!! 1, 2 and…3!!!

Let me get this right so I can understand this – last week, Seth Rollins went over an hour and smashed it, but The Miz doesn’t wanna fight two guys one after the other in Rollins and Balor? If there was ever a B!TCH OF THE WEEK – it’s THE MIZ!

OH SNAP – THE BALOR CLUB COMING THROUGH!!! WROOOOOOOOOY!!!

KURT ANGLE SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN! The Miz cannot get out of it!!! He still gotta fight Finn Balor!

Finn Balor beat The Miz too! Yo Kurt – Triple Threat this muthaf***a!

The question remains – what becomes of Braun Strowman??? Let’s go find out!

Elias may have to think about a face turn later this year… could be sooner rather than later because the crowd are actually WALKING WITH ELIAS!

“Every word uttered from Corey Graves stupid face is noise pollution!” Elias can’t say that??!!! Corey Graves is GREAT! he can’t do a thing wrong, not after that stunt he and Booker-T pulled!

The crowd roar ‘BRAAAAAAUUUUUUUUNNN!!’ as well!! HOLY SMOKES! Y’all talk about WWE not making stars…. do you know how stupid you sound right now?

See this is what you wanted right? (I’m talking to STC’s Henry Lofts… who hated the idea of the gauntlet match in the group last week…) Elias Vs Braun!

Elias TEEEEEF! You got the fire extinguisher and use it against Braun because you can’t manage him! Gonna be interesting where this goes…

Elias tek foot and run! But he actually got away like Naomi got away from me!

“ELIAS! I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!!”

Meanwhile the limo pulls up…uh oh!!! You think it’s Vincent Kennedy?

2/3 FALLS jump off for The Bar Vs Titus Worldwide! I LIKE THIS! Shame WWE edited it down to just under 4 minutes on YouTube…

…and maybe I know why! Not even 10 seconds in and Titus loses the first fall… for goodness sakes!

Apollo Cre – Oh I’m not supposed to address him by that now am I? Er anyway he put up a better fight but The Bar got em… KMT!

The Bar are on it like – we have beaten everybody! Who are we gonna fight at WrestleMania? May I have a suggestion? The Revival? The Balor Club????

Big BIG WrestleMania 34

So this is Vincent Kennedy’s newest plan to get Double R over with you guys… by having Double R come out and talk the truth about Brock Lesnar hiding behind his contract… it seems to be working!

WHOA! Double R is going IN!!!! (Oh yeah I forgot – he hasn’t got good mic skills has he?)

GRANT BODY-P!

Holy smokes Double R is saying what the internet has been saying! I LIKE THIS! because it means the internet can’t say sh!t!

“I don’t respect Brock Lesnar, and I sure as hell don’t fear that b!tch!”

You made that obvious last time Roman! WrestleMania 31, you were laughing at his suplexes!!!

Ooooh Stephanie loves that doesn’t she? ‘WWE OWNS Ronda Rousey’! WWE loves that 1555 mentality (if you know what I’m talking about!)

WROOOOOOOOY LOOK AT RONDA ROUSEY! WALKING DOWN THE RAMP LIKE SHE’S IN THE YOU-EFF-CEE!

“You need to work within the system…” Such familiar words… last time I heard those words, a certain chairman was looking at the lights shaking like he had a fit after getting a STONE COLD STUNNER!

WHOA! I thought Kurt was all about his three I’s!!! I can;t believe he lied!!! Oh man… I;m so upset… damn!!!

Uh-oh! NO ONE SLAPS RONDA ROUSEY AND LIVES!!! (unless your name is Holly Holm that is but er anyway – ) Stephanie must apologise to Ronda! WHOA! No way is Steph gonna do that surely!

WHAT?! WHOA! I guess there is a first time for everything! maybe The Undertaker WILL wrestle again! Maybe CM Punk WILL come back! Stephanie just apologised! Do you think she will KOW-TOW too?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!! HE BOXED DOWN KURT ANGLE! NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!

BRAVO WWE! YOU ENTERTAINED ME THIS WEEK! 4/5 HBK WWE TITLE REIGNS (1997/1998)

STC 2018 logo3

Monday Night Raw #1291, February 19, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

WE want the brand extension!

WE want fewer pay per views!

WE want Cesaro to be champion!

Combined WWE PPV

Too bad you can’t have it all eh?

GRANT BODY-P!

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Screenshot-2018-2-19 Dana Brooke WWE ( DanaBrookeWWE) Twitter

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RAW 1291! Chamber Music, F**k!n the party up!

I don’t know about you but this Hardy Vs Wyatt thing – it needs a little extra something… yes they have clashed, yes they have both chatted sh!t… it needs to go to that next level for me to be re-invested… whatever Matt was doing in the TNA joint – bring that sh!t here and make it 10x better!

“What is so special about Ronda Rousey is – she’s an attraction…” In more ways than one eh Charlotte?!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaah sheeeeeeet they showing footage of Ronda practicing her wrestling moves! UH-OH!!! This ain’t no Eva Marie folks!

Black Panther fever hits Titus Worldwide! Even Dana Brooke is doing it – (not properly she got a clipboard in her hand) But if they lose to the Bar, they will bring disgrace to Wakanda!!!

Titus Panther

YES!!!! WAKANDA FOREVER!!!! Apollo Crews was like – I AM T’CHALLA! SON OF T’CHAKA!!! Dana Brooke must have gave them some of that Vagin—- er I mean Vibranium! (still doesn’t sound right does it?)

Come on Nia you’re dealing with Asuka here! Asuka knows the way of the ninja and stealth attacks – YOU DON’T!

Mike Cole is talking about ‘friends’ and alliances that may occur in the Chamber… it’s still every woman for herself Cole! And it looks like Dana Brooke could well be dissed for real! I would say to Dana – walk out the joint – but maybe… she and Titus Worldwide should try Smackdown first before doing that…

elimination-chamber-2018-660x330

HOLY SMOKES!!! Seth Rollins has done a ‘Chris Jericho’! By that I mean he beat the two top guys in the same night! In this case Double R & John Cena! Oh man! The IWC must be reaching fever pitch!!!

What a performance by Seth Rollins! Dude has lasted over an hour in the gauntlet match thus far! But there was no way he could outlast three guys, with two of them being Double R & Cena… Elias COME CROSS!

Next opponent – Finn Balor… and true say Elias was still mash up with his ribs, one coup de grace on them and it’s curtains for the man with the guitar!

Typical Miz has to be so dyam teef! Double R, Seth, Elias, and Balor use real skills – Not the Miz… he has to brfing his pu$$yclaat friends with him and attack Balor from behind…

…but if I was Balor, I’d let The Miz beat me and let me see the lights for the three because the winner has to fight…….BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!

“If you excuse me Charly, I have some unfinished business to attend to…” The Miztourage heard Braun say that and they was like – OH SH!T! we gotta leave the ring NOW!!!

Miz tried to get away, but Braun ketch him!!! The Grant Says – If Braun was in the police force, there is NO WAY you are out running him!

Running powerslam into the canvas – BLAOW!!!!

Chamber music, f**k!n the party up! That’s what Braun does!!!

 

 

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Monday Night Raw #1290, February 12, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

THESE GUYS NEED AN AWARD!!!

We all bought it! We all bought it – HOOK LINE & SINKER!!!! We all bought it! Even our wrestling journalist experts bought it! Every damn one of us were made FOOLS OF!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1290! I hope it doesn’t bore me like last week! GIVE ME SOME JOKE!!! 

WHOA!!!! John Cena haters – don’t hang up your keyboards of mass destruction just yet – dude just said he’s going to big BIG WrestleMania! and if he fails… then he doesn’t have a road to WrestleMania! Y’all better hope and pray Elias wins then eh?

Wait a second – The Miz believes he can win! Hey I’m all for The Miz winning the chamber! Imagine that! Talk about fantasy and reality!!!!!

Yo Miz, from one Mike to another Mike… you DO NOT wanna face Brock! You’re going to be a FATHER…remember??!!! And last time I checked, Brock doesn’t give a sh!t about your kids!

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that idea! Make it happen Kurt! Miz Vs Cena – loser enters the chamber FIRST!!! In which case I’m backing Cena to win so that The Miz goes in first! See how fickle I am? I’m Blade dutty bwoyjust like you fools! Actually no…. to quote Blade… ‘I’M SOMETHING ELSE!!!’

Only ONE MAN has survived the Avalanche AA or the Super AA or whatever that blasted move is called and that’s AJ Styles! No way is The Miz gonna survive surely?

BLAOW!!!! 1, 2 and….. 3! The Miz b!tch @$$ gotta jump in the chamber FIRST! He will SUFFER!!! And John Cena is for the children… look at him signing autographs for the kids with special needs. You wanna hate THAT MAN for that? You’re more retarded than anybody else!

WHOA! I wasn’t even paying attention and Revival win their match against The Balding Club? I was sitting here wishing happy birthday to people on FB and I heard the 1, 2, 3 with Balding clubs shoulders to the mat looking at lights! Hahahahaha B!TCHES!

Yes Alexa I’m impressed with Mickie James too – she’s a mother and a WWE Superstar and she looks great… that is… until I come across THIS WOMAN… no she’s not a wrestler… but she’s a mother of FIVE. After two or three kids your body cannot recover again and you look like one of those guests from Jeremy Kyle but when you look like this… GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!!! (Edd don’t even attempt to research this one!!!)

Darci carpenter

Let’s just say she is a distant associate of mine as regards to my Journalistic Hip Hop career…moving on…

Goldberg eat your heart out! Asuka – 240-0!!! NO ONE CAN BEAT HER!!! Even the Undertaker is astonished!!! But let’s be real – you’re NOT gonna see Asuka at WrestleMania for 20+ years are you?

GRANT BODY-P!

THAT IS TRUE! Had Asuka NOT relinquished the NXT Championship, god knows how much longer she would have been champion! 523 days… CM Who? GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!

“Huge fan of Sonya Deville, she will have a great future here on Monday Night Raw…” 

Got that right Mr Greaves! She could GET IT!!!

Well so much for Sasha Vs Bayley at big BIG WrestleMania – we’re getting it now! (PAUSE)

BAYLEY WINS THE MATCH! Ok here’s the heel turn you know it alls have been waiting for!

SWITCH!!! Nia Jax attacks BOTH OF THEM!!! Ok go ahead, complain on the internet about how WWE dropped the ball again as you do!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

TODAY, I WALK WITH ELIAS!!!!! There is a first time for everything! Why wish for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come back when Elias has got it covered!

“Don’t worry Miz, those songs were not for you, they were written for MARYSE!!!”

Pregnant women don’t do it for me personally but ELIAS WANTS TO PUT IT IN!!!

WAIT – I CHANGED MY MIND!!! I’M WALKING WITH BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! Have you seen the size of that guitar? He even broke that! And he can sing in tune too!

“Well Elias says he’s gonna win, but we all know that ain’t true,

You look at me boy when I’m singing, because I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!

You may not notice, you may not realise,  when this song is over, you’re gonna GET THESE HANDS!”

PUT THIS ON iTUNES NOW!!!!!

Are you ready for Braun Strowman’s album to drop? If you don’t buy it you’re gonna get these hands!!! I’M DUN!!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!! Strowman lick down Elias with the dutty big guitar! BLAOW!!! That’s it – now throw him off the stage! NO? Oh well!!!

Let me take this time to congratulate Ivory on her Hall Of Fame induction! Yeah I know what you’re thinking… Chyna gets dissed again! Hey – you praise the evil Triple Teef for making NXT/WWE better, but you run him down for this… you can’t have everything!

WHOA!!! Jason Jordan forced to miss big BIG WrestleMania! HOLY SMOKES!!! The question remains – what does this mean for Seth Rollins? I think everything has changed now, JUST LIKE THAT!

Tell em Kurt! The fans should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES! Cheering that Jason Jordan won’t be there? What sort of people are you?

Er what? Seth doesn’t want to be apart of Monday Night Raw? Welcome to the A Show Seth! I’ve been waiting for you!

Oh maybe not! He still wants to be Universal Champion! Er… how is this gonna work?

Makes sense! I hope Seth wins the Fatal 5 Way joint! But if he does, what about Finn Balor? Er… oh dear!

Sorry Apollo! Sorry Wyatt, Sorry Matt Hardy… the Chamber needs to be DON! But I gotta say I’m glad Apollo is up in that match…

OH SNAP!!! Seth and Balor did a ‘Undertaker & Kane to Austin’! You don’t get it? Er does this mean anything to you?

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Monday Night Raw #1289, February 5, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Eagles Patriots Super Bowl Football

SMASHED IT.

I gotta give WWE props, I’m sure Stephanie and Triple Teef were supporting the New England Patriots… but if they turned around and gave the Philadelphia Eagles a WWE Championship belt for their Superbowl win  – PROPS. Steph and Triple WILL NOT complain on the internet…

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like The New England Patriots… Karma came back to b!te them in their candy @$$!

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RAW 1289! The Royal Rumble still trending on the twitter! UNHEARD OF!

Steph RawI don’t know what Bray Wyatt is laughing about – he’s fighting Double R to qualify in the Chamber…yeah he won last year… BUT THAT WAS LAST YEAR!

That’s it fools – pull out your iPhones that you break on a regular for this LOOOOOSER! You bloody sheep!

GRANT BODY-P!

Listen to the haters cheering for Bray,,,, I would be extremely shocked if Bray wins this. Matt Hardy is watching for goodness sakes!

Double R kicks out of an instant Sister Abigail… now you know the muthaf***a ain’t winning!

Just like that, with an emphatic spear… Double R wins… go on then – complain on the internet!

Finn Balor might be the most interesting cat on the roster. This dude is not in the chamber… so I wanna know where he goes next going forward.

Oh no these Revival idiots… I hope one of em gets injured again (Actually I take that back!)

Hahahahhahahahahah Revival you B!TCH!!! Finn Balor hitting the Coup De Grace – I see you wrestling purists complaining on the internet some more! Go on – let it all out!

Not even an hour in and RAW is challenging my interest – I still have a lifeline left – Jamaica ginger cake and custard….

Cruiserweight action… sigh… I’m gonna talk to my woman…

Ok – Mandy Rose – Sasha Banks – Bayley  – Sonya Deville – and Mickie James gonna test Alexa Bliss in the Chamber!

Even better – if Nia Jax can defeat Asuka…she can go to WrestleMania too! But hear the joke – Asuka hasn’t decided who she’s facing yet!

WHOA! Alexa just put Kurt Angle on BLAST! How come Brock doesn’t have to defend his title in the Chamber!!! She should be ‘Brock’s equal’ in terms of gender equality! Er Alexa… you might wanna check Brock’s contract! It’s NOT THE SAME AS YOURS!

Last time I check, Bayley got hurt crazy when she had her NXT match with Asuka… what makes her think she can beat Asuka now?

This is one of those RAW episodes where it is very wrestling driven… not much storyline build. Don’t be surprised if I find my bed halfway through.

So let’s do the knowledge – Kurt believes Asuka will fight Alexa at WM34. But Asuka nah say nuttin… Nia WON’T win her match against Asuka, but her performance will find her in the match at WrestleMania anyway. Sasha is likely to win to advance to WrestleMania thus, this will AT LEAST be a Triple Threat match.

Asuka made quicker work of Bayley than she did with Sasha I can say that much…

HOLD UP! The Miz Vs Apollo Crews – winner goes to the Chamber? COME ON APOLLO!!! This could be HUGE!

I am tired as a muthaf***a people… this wrestling sh!t is boring me… are you sure you guys want pure wrestling on your screen? I’m gonna eat this pudding, and then find my bed – I’ve been watching Nicole Snow and Sophia Lares on Edd’s favourite channels during this wrestling sh!t… word up!

God damnit… not even Black History month could save Apollo Crews… well at least we get to see The Miz get BUSS ARSE in the Chamber!

Look pon this… Jason Jordan can’t compete… but at least he found a suitable replacement… DOUBLE R!!!!

What I don’t understand is… why is Jason Jordan at ringside? I mean, unless the Bar were being teef which I don’t think they were – he doesn’t need to be out there!

His intentions were good but he got ketch by the ref!!!! You baited it up for The Shield YOU FOOL!!!! As much of a loose cannon Ambrose is, he wouldn’t have struck The Bar in front of the referee?!

Wait a minute – since when were we watching Live Wire? or Velocity, or even Wrestling Challenge??? I didn’t know that no name jobber were still a thing for Nia Jax? have the creative team gone on holiday or something? I know it’s Black History Month/J Dilla season but…

Nia Jax wants to disfigure Asuka! NO!!! I mean… can’t they come to some mutual agreement?

I hope Mickie James hasn’t broken Sonya Deville’s nose!!! Look how fine Sonya is – come on Mickie – stop this wrestling nonsense and GET IN THAT TONGUE!GRANT MARKIES BARNERS

GRANT BODY-P!

Maybe Alexa Bliss wants to get in that tongue of Mickie! Yeah I’m scratching my head too – Absolution was gonna beat down Mickie, and Alexa saved her clart??? Mickie is looking at Alexa like – A WHA DE???

If you jabronies hated the Prince fiasco at the Superbowl and complained on the internet about it, maybe you would rather walk with Elias instead? He would have done great at the Halftime joint?!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Imagine! Elias in the Raw main event, and he combines his force with John Cena to take out the Monster Among Men…

Don’t ask me how he did it… (well I do I just watched it) but Elias will enter last in the Chamber by defeating the worn out Cena after he took a powerslam from Braun Strowman!

So er.. yeah, it was a RAW with plenty wrestling action. not much storyline and jokes… and that sort of sh!t bores me…

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