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Tag Archives: Smackdown

Monday Night Raw #1307, June 11, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Since y’all muthaf***az are not watching the World Wrestling Federation Live because of E3, I’m not watching it live either! I’m not watching E3 either… I GOTTA BETTER THINGS TO DO! Every year the same muthaf***a pops up in my FB inbox like ‘you watching E3’? THE GRANT SAYS – F**K E3! I’M NOT THAT GUY! That gaming aspect of me, getting excited over video games… it died a lonnnnnnnnng time ago!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1307! COREY GRAVES IS MY NEW HERO!

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YEAH CALM THE F**K DOWN INTERNERDS!!! I’m gonna use that!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

I’m guessing this is how RAW & Smackdowns gonna start, with ladders in the ring and muthaf***az arguing about who is winning this sh!t…

BUMBACLAAAAAT LOOK AT BARON CORBIN HEADTOP! Did I miss a hair vs hair match or something?

Kevin Owens giving me joke! Saying Braun is too damn big!!!!

Even Alexa Blitch is giving me joke! That was a great line I admit!

“Y’all sounding like the Real Housewives of WWE!”

Did you see Braun’s face when Alexa says he’s gonna win? He was like ‘yeah you’re gonna get this d!ck’!

GRANT BODY-P!

OMG look at Breezango… getting more and more cumse-cumsa! What the f**k is all this frilly sh!t going on? I’m no fan of Ziggler & Wackintye, but I hope they buss up their clart!

Nice to see Roman Reigns smiling! Probably because he knows the WWE are editing out the boos for YouTube!

The Grant Says The B Team might be doing their thing… but I hope they get deleted!!! If Hardy & Wyatt can send for the lake of reincarnation and throw those B Team muthaf**az in there… then they can be one big happy family! Especially for Bo Dallas & Wyatt!

So the Riott Squad are going to start taking black lipstick and branding their opponents after they beat them down? Very NWO-ish don’t you think?!!!

You know what – let’s throw a pic of this woman… FOR NO REASON!

Mandy Rose

HOLY SMOKES THOSE BREASTS THOUGH!!!! Even the top she got on is saying – GOD DAYUUUUUUUUUUM!

WTF does Curt Hawkins have on? That’s some cumse-cumsa sh!t too! I’m glad No Way Jose boxed him down like that! 0-201 now muthaf***a! You lucky this ain’t UFC! You lose twice and that’s it – you’re GONE!

GRANT BODY-P!

The question remains – who was that long black-haired girl in the No Way Jose parade?

Wait a minute – has Sami Zayn brought the Stone Cold Steve Austin Skullbuster to WWE? There’s even a bell at the end of the rope climb!

Sami Zayn’s Skullbuster was SAWFT! Lashley knocked it out in less than a minute! Zayn didn’t like that sh!t so what does he do? Assault Lashley!

Elias just told me RAW was in Little Rock Arkansaw! Not really a ‘wrestling crowd’ is it?

Look at that – it’s a custom – made guitar for when Elias wins the Intercontinental joint at Money In The Bank! Did my dude Askem paint that for you?

Oh no! Rollins just noticed the Custom made guitar! Crowd be like – BURN IT DOWN! So why doesn’t Rollins do just that? Light a match and burn that muthaf***a? But I suppose stamping on it works just as well…

Money In the Bank 2018

Ooooooh it looks like Ronda Rousey has improved on her mic skills! She has put in serious time down there at the performance center! SHE IS RONDA ROUSEY! AND SHE IS BORN READY!

She wasn’t ready for that headbutt from Nia though!

Ronda sending for the arm bar! Nia trying to block! Can Ronda get it? YES!!! NIA WAS TAPPING LIKE A BEEEEEATTTCH! HOLY SMOKES!

Bobby Roode, Kevin Owens and Finn Balor combing their force to take Braun Strowman out the game! I got a bad feeling about this!

Kevin Owens with a frog splash off the top of the ladder to Strowman through a table – BLAOW!

And even with those super moves, Braun STILL got up!!!!

Hit Owens with the Running Powerslam on the ladder – BLAOW! One, Two and…. THREE!

This one didn’t end in me deddin on the floor, But I know who will be deddin – VIRGIN MEDIA if I don’t pay those bills!

GRANT BODY-P!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1291, February 19, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

WE want the brand extension!

WE want fewer pay per views!

WE want Cesaro to be champion!

Combined WWE PPV

Too bad you can’t have it all eh?

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1291! Chamber Music, F**k!n the party up!

I don’t know about you but this Hardy Vs Wyatt thing – it needs a little extra something… yes they have clashed, yes they have both chatted sh!t… it needs to go to that next level for me to be re-invested… whatever Matt was doing in the TNA joint – bring that sh!t here and make it 10x better!

“What is so special about Ronda Rousey is – she’s an attraction…” In more ways than one eh Charlotte?!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Aaah sheeeeeeet they showing footage of Ronda practicing her wrestling moves! UH-OH!!! This ain’t no Eva Marie folks!

Black Panther fever hits Titus Worldwide! Even Dana Brooke is doing it – (not properly she got a clipboard in her hand) But if they lose to the Bar, they will bring disgrace to Wakanda!!!

Titus Panther

YES!!!! WAKANDA FOREVER!!!! Apollo Crews was like – I AM T’CHALLA! SON OF T’CHAKA!!! Dana Brooke must have gave them some of that Vagin—- er I mean Vibranium! (still doesn’t sound right does it?)

Come on Nia you’re dealing with Asuka here! Asuka knows the way of the ninja and stealth attacks – YOU DON’T!

Mike Cole is talking about ‘friends’ and alliances that may occur in the Chamber… it’s still every woman for herself Cole! And it looks like Dana Brooke could well be dissed for real! I would say to Dana – walk out the joint – but maybe… she and Titus Worldwide should try Smackdown first before doing that…

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HOLY SMOKES!!! Seth Rollins has done a ‘Chris Jericho’! By that I mean he beat the two top guys in the same night! In this case Double R & John Cena! Oh man! The IWC must be reaching fever pitch!!!

What a performance by Seth Rollins! Dude has lasted over an hour in the gauntlet match thus far! But there was no way he could outlast three guys, with two of them being Double R & Cena… Elias COME CROSS!

Next opponent – Finn Balor… and true say Elias was still mash up with his ribs, one coup de grace on them and it’s curtains for the man with the guitar!

Typical Miz has to be so dyam teef! Double R, Seth, Elias, and Balor use real skills – Not the Miz… he has to brfing his pu$$yclaat friends with him and attack Balor from behind…

…but if I was Balor, I’d let The Miz beat me and let me see the lights for the three because the winner has to fight…….BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!

“If you excuse me Charly, I have some unfinished business to attend to…” The Miztourage heard Braun say that and they was like – OH SH!T! we gotta leave the ring NOW!!!

Miz tried to get away, but Braun ketch him!!! The Grant Says – If Braun was in the police force, there is NO WAY you are out running him!

Running powerslam into the canvas – BLAOW!!!!

Chamber music, f**k!n the party up! That’s what Braun does!!!

 

 

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Monday Night Raw #1206, July 4, 2016

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

THE GRANT SAYS THIS: VOTE JOHN CENA FOR PRIME MINISTER.

I don’t care if some of you jabronies hate him…I don’t care if he’s not even British. JOHN CENA IS DA MAN. I will be cheering for him this week on RAW. One thing he will do where David Cameron, Roy Hodgson, Boris Johnson, Chris Evans and Nigel Farage failed to do: NEVER GIVE UP. THEY GAVE UP! They sold you all down the river! JOHN CENA KICKS OUT OF 2! The only place where Cena cannot rule, is SUPLEX CITY!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

In other news, no news… just remind me to put up a nice picture of that Serena Williams lady…. god damn – GOD DAMN!!!!!

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RAW #1206! There better not be any dutty big spiders interrupting the proceedings this week! They will suffer the same fate as the one last week!

WWF PROPA TINGZ

Everybody on that 4th July vibe! Even the heels! Sheeeeeeeet Kayfabe is dead!!!!

I hate food fights…. such a waste… I think of those starving in Africa and sh!t… sh!t is disgusting….talk about showing love for the troops – it’s all good but use your WWE money and feed the poor muthaf***a!

That’s what this WWE sh!t is all about! Good hearted comedy vibes! No need to be so damn serious all the time! We left the EU for Pete’s sake, the UK is about to go into Anarchy! And there she is in the middle of it all, Lillian Garcia, singing the American national anthem in celebration!

…and here’s me waiting for Rusev to interrupt the proceedings… oh sh!t – it’s not 1998 anymore!

GRANT BODY-P!!!!

That was the best rendition of the anthem I have ever heard Lillian sing… that girl sung with her heart star!

OH SH!T HE CAME OUT FOR REAL!!!! I WAS ONLY JOKING! He wants to rename the day as Rusev Day! He can’t do that surely! His opponent – Titus O’Neill – AGAIN?? He better win this muthaf***a word up… big BIG Independence Day??

Titus’ attire actually looks decent for once, long shorts with Old Glory emblazoned on it, yet I can’t help but feel that it looks like pyjamas!

GRANT BODY-P!

BLOODY USELESS! He lost in front of his family, and he lost in front of America… Titus… I shake my head…and TURN MY BACK!

If Enzo Amore doesn’t win best mic skills of the year for naming every single president in history – Something seriously wrong with the WWE Universe! Yo Enzo – I heard you got a Wu-Tang Tattoo! You have made it in my iron clad respect club, joining Batista!

OWWWWWWWWW! Dana Brooke & Charlotte in their black numbers! Where is my purple…. wait – nah let me draw for my black suit this time!SABU GRANT

Sasha is in all black too! LAWD HAVE MERCY – The lord is my shepherd – he know what I want!

Good lord Sasha told Charlotte about herself!! And dropped a Sean Price punch on Dana AGAIN!

…And I hope Dean Ambrose drops Sean Price punches Miz through school buses! Maryse… I know you are supposed to be sexy but… I don’t know – you just don’t do it for me…

Do you know what I love the most about Dean Ambrose title reign? JBL’s anger! He says kids hide behind chairs and couches when they see him! Well the Grant says – how do you explain Bray Wyatt… or the don of dons – THE UNDERTAKER????? Who has been champion 7 times?????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Deano is actually on commentary for the Spanish announce table! Never been done before – that’s CREATIVITY!

Seth Rollins continuing to get the fans to boo his promo he cut on the announce table.. he even struggled to compare the fans to Roman Reigns himself! And that didn’t work! So Deano decides to stand on the announce table -and he’s like – Dirty Deeds – BLAOW!!! Shame the table didn’t break…

brock ss opponent

That should be an incentive to make me watch right? Nah f**k it – because ‘Facebook’ will tell you…

GRANT BODY-P!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! VICKIE GUERRERO CAN’T BE THE GM OF RAW/SMACKDOWN???!!

DON’T HASHTAG VICKIE RUNS SMACKDOWN LIVE! That;s like voting to leave the EU! (Oh wait….)

Yo – The Big Show’s TEAM USA rally talk was good… but it isn’t better than when Vince McMahon rallied team WWF against the WCW/ECW Alliance!

Look at Austin standing tall like he’s superman and sh!t! And when he hit Undertaker…. Undertaker gave him one look, and Austin put his head down… oh what? we not in 2001 no more???? We have to fast forward to Golden Truth Vs Vaudevillians? Oh f**k that – I’m going to get… what – the match finish already? I can see the IWC complaining about that one!

YOU HEAR THAT BOYS AND GIRLS! JOHN CENA SAYS NEVER GIVE UP! DON’T BE LIKE OUR WUTLESS SO CALLED POLITICIANS! DON’T BE LIKE ROY HODGSON! DON’T BE LIKE CHRIS EVANS!

BLOODY WIMPS THE LOT OF EM!

OH NO! The Bullet Club claim they gonna get rid of Cena! AJ Styles says his Bullet Club are his insurance policy! He says they will prevent Cena from sending for the shovel!

The Bullet Club say the love beating up John Cena! More than Christmas! More than getting on top of their hot asian wife! WHOA! They renamed July 4 to ‘BEAT UP JOHN CENA DAY’!!!! That’s gonna be trending surely!

beatupjohncena

See what I’m gonna do this week, is play Mortal Kombat XL, listen to some Wu-Tang, have sexy time with my lady, then BEAT UP JOHN CENA!

GRANT BODY-P!

NO!!!! The New Day can’t say that about the Wyatt man dem????? Saying they ‘keep it in the family’????? Xavier is right – I hope New Day take this Wyatt challenge seriously! Otherwise we won’t see UpUpDownDown again!

I hope this match doesn’t show USA go on like they are better than the rest of the world in this massive 16-man elimination match!

16 man tag

Let this sink in people! Wack Swagger, Wack Ryder in the main event, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn on the same side… well not for long – Owens just had to hit Zayn with the chair… this would be f**ked up if Wack Ryder was to win this sh!t for Team USA… after all, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation!

After Cesaro turned on his team and uppercut everyone in sight apart from the Big Show, Wack Ryder pins him… oh my god this cannot be happening!

Big Show tagged in – drops the Sean Price punch on Jericho and the chokeslam to Bertie! Only Sheamus left!

Wack Ryder hit the Rough Ryder on Sheamus and picks up the win…. F**K OUTTA HERE! I’m off to Beat Up John Cena… but first, let me leave you with this thing of beauty…

serena2

NEW YORK, NY – DECEMBER 15: Tennis champion Serena Williams attends the 2015 Sports Illustrated Sportsperson Of The Year Ceremony at Pier Sixty at Chelsea Piers on December 15, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Taylor Hill/Getty Images)

 

 

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NEW STC LOGO 2015

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Monday Night Raw #1132, February 2, 2015!!!

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The Infamous Informer

Smack Talk Centre-Raw

Monday Night Raw #1132, February 2, 2015!!!

Grant - still got it!

While you guys were debating on what that Triple Teef is gonna announce that will ‘shake the foundation’ of WWE, while most of you were b!tching about the Royal Rumble match, For one night only I donned the ever famous Purple Suit… and as you can see… I STILL GOT IT!!! Yes go ahead and chant! ‘GRANT STILL GOT IT’! ‘GRANT STILL GOT IT!’ I’m considered a ‘Hall of Famer’ on the dance floor these days…. and as for you (STC member) Edmond Mulhall… I’m not THAT DUDE anymore. That era of me is gone forever – much like the Attitude Era. It’s time to move forward! I have a woman who loves me, and I love her, and I’m not talking about Naomi!

“Ya’ll go to parties to ice grill
I go to parties to party with nice girls
Young boys gotta chill
30’s the new 20 n!**@, I’m so hot still…!!!” (Jay-Z, 30 Something, 2006)

RAW #1132!!! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!!!

Shout out to the New England Patriots!!! I heard you guys cheated to win the Superbowl! Muthaf***az are wilding! Whoever Loses, I Win – you know why? Because I’m a man of Jamaican descent, and my vision of a Superbowl is that good soup, yes, that yam & dumpling, that meat, all those spices and vegetables in it! CAN’T GO WRONG!

jamaican-beef-soup

GRANT BODY – P!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZAnd here we go!!!! Start the show right! Bring the Authority! This announcement has to be off the hook surely!!!! Look at them pointing to the sign!!!! Oh boy…

Oh no!!!! The Authority supported the Patriots!!!! It’s best for business???!!! Oh sh!t! Triple throwing shots! #CancelNFLNetwork??? Triple is going in!!!! DAYUUUM!!!

Crowd chanting Rocky… that confirms that the problem doesn’t lie with him… Come on guys out with it!!! Drop this announcement! I know you gotta stretch it out!

I know the Authority are not tryna shut Roman Reigns down from going to WrestleMania… that’s INJUSTICE! Never mind what The Rock did… COME DOWN THE STAIRS ROMAN!

Oh snap! They using the Samoan family against Roman??? They can’t do that!!!! The announcement hasn’t been dropped yet! Danny Bryan is here!

That’s what it’s about! Danny Bryan never lost his title! He was injured after all!

…and Seth… he hasn’t cashed in his cheque yet! He was in a good mood on Smackdown…oh look here now 20 minutes gone and the segment has not ended… see this is what Austin was on about with Vincent Kennedy – they ramp about too much… not getting to the point…the fans wanna see some action now! As for me… I couldn’t care less! Will Austin ask Triple these questions? By the time you have read this you should know the answers if you have the WWE Network for £9.99 or for privileged folks like the Infamous Informer himself, for FREE until March!

Austin HeelbookIf that’s the major announcement, then as part of the WWE Universe I don’t feel shaken to its core… Seth & Danny Bryan gotta fight each other… winner faces Roman at Fast Lane. Winner out of that goes to WrestleMania…again, whoever loses – I WIN… I like all three guys… what does it matter????

Roman is like – F**k it… I’ll do this sh!t…. if I gotta fight Big Show 1000 times like I have done, Fight Seth or Danny… then that’s what I’ll have to do!

Why are the announcers acting like it’s the worst day of Roman’s life? He didn’t get 16 suplexes and 2 F5s by Brock Lesnar did he? He didn’t get battered by the Undertaker in Hell in A Cell??? Hell, he didn’t get dropped in a car via a forklift truck? F**k that – he didn’t get his legs shattered by steel stairs, taken into hospital, tormented by Mick Foley, and then only to be beaten up by a ‘nurse’ with a bed pan!  All in one day!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Now Triple Teef thinks he can manipulate Austin???? He’s asking to be getting dropped again in his car by a fork lift! Now Curtis Axel is making up noise… Now look what you IWC jabronies have done! You’ve put the notion in his head that he should go to WrestleMania! Talk about he wants ‘justice’… Whaddup Dean Ambrose! Can’t get more justice than that! He just threw Axel over the top ropes! NOW HE’S ELIMINATED!!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Gotta admire WWE for bringing out Black History… go ahead and say it… this is Vincent Kennedy’s way by saying ‘I’m not racist!!! I just don’t think Afro-Americans should not be representing our company!’

I don’t think these Authority rebels are sweating their opponents… Ryback fights Luke Harper… Ziggler Fights Wyatt, and Rowan fights Rusev…. to quote Kurt Angle: WHOOPIE-KYE-YAY! or to quote my favourite superhero BLADE: OOOOOH SO EXCITING!!!

Suddenly I’m contemplating taking a nap until Austin’s live podcast comes on!

Told y’all! I wasn’t even paying attention and sh!t!!! Ryback picks up the win! Come better than that Stephanie! Setting up these matches like these guys supposed to be scared and sh!t!!!

WHAAAAAAT!!! Is that how the Usos are going on? With Naomi involved in the entrance?!!!! I love this woman!!!

Nattie looking fine as usual too! I’m so glad she’s showing off her curvy legs a lot more…. that’s what’s up!!! Tyson Kidd – I’m sorry – you ain’t that right man!!!!

WHOA!!! The Miz just fired the stunt double??? Can he do that???! Because a fan wanted Mizdow’s autograph??? All we waiting for now is for Mizdow to box down the Miz!

…and another thing… since Eric Rowan went face… it’s like his deranged character doesn’t exist anymore… I don’t know why he walks around with that buzzard mask or whatever it’s called, it’s like he’s fully human… how the hell can I buy into the gimmick? You see what I’m saying????

Now this is where I pay attention… because Ziggler fights Bray Wyatt, in which I hope Wyatt will win… this guy claims he fears nothing… living or dead… I hope he’s not cryptically speaking about the Don of Dons…. he don’t want none of him I will assure you… especially after he lost last year at WrestleMania???? He might be seeking vengeance… trust me Wyatt you DON’T want NONE of HIM!

YES!!! Wyatt hit the Sister Abigail on Ziggler – BLAOW!!!! Now talk your sh!t Wyatt…. I wanna know if you talking sh!t about the Don of Dons!

Er Triple…. why you and Seth talking about Randy Orton for yo??? Ok Seth you will wonder why you gonna get RKO’d through the canvas… don’t say I didn’t warn ya…

Oh my god Nikki!!!! Dayuuum look at you!!! Yo Cena – make sure you f**k her good right??? TGrant & Leannaight up dress and over the knee boots? Are you kidding me girl! Cena you f**k her right in the pu$$y!!!

OH SNAP! Even Sky Sports is not feeling the divas match… to the point where they got a technical fault and sh!t!!! It must be a wrestling fan who recently got a new job on Sky! I say we hunt him down and skin him alive! “What’s wrong you don’t like women???” (Grace Jones as Strange, Boomerang, 1994)

And co-incidentally… it comes back on when the divas match ends… f**k!n battyman!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Damn that theme they got for Fast Lane is WACK!!! Give me some time to come up with the STC theme tune for this…

OH SNAP! The Miz ‘re-hires’ MizDow as a ‘personal assistant’ well he’s doing his job alright, he assisted in costing the Miz th…. hold on Bray Wyatt is talking!

MUTHAF- he IS talking trash about the Don of Dons!!!! Talking about -“They used to FEAR you, but you let that fear turn into love … I AM THE NEW FACE OF FEAR!” – Bray #FindMe! #RAW

Question – while Rusev is fighting… don’t you wish you wanna creep up behind Lana and slide it up her Putin???

GRANT BODY – P!!!

HA! HA! HA! HA! OH SNAP!!!!! EPIC FAIL WITH THE RUSSIAN FLAG! Rusev & Lana are bex!!!! Capacity crowd ROLLIN!!!! I like how the announcers styled that out! DUN KNOW memes galore is gonna come out of that sh!t!!!

Main event: Danny Bryan Vs Seth Rollins… who you backing? It matters not to me!

Wait a minute… why is the Big Show out here??? You already know there’s gonna be some mad teefing going on!

And they tried it!!!! But Roman Reigns went and speared the Big Show – BLAOW! Hit the Superman punch to Rollins! Danny wins!!!! OH LAWWWD! The WrestleMania sign is within Danny’s reach! How funny is that… Mike Knoxxx and Spotface spoke about Danny Vs Roman on their Perfect Plex show… and look! They must fight each other at Fast Lane!!! Well you fans spoken… look w’happen! My hands are clean…. WHOEVER LOSES… I WIN!!!

 

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Monday Night Raw #1114: September 29, 2014!!!

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The Infamous Informer

 

WELCOME EVERYONE TO WWE RAW: JUDGMENT DAY!!!! We are live from a sold out Chicago crowd! And they are all pumped up and ready, chanting for the guy I like to call Philippa Brukk!!! Infamous Informer here on commentary taking you through the next 3 hours and 15 minutes of wrestling action!

GRYM REAPER CALLING – JUDGMENT DAY!!! RAW #1114! HOL’ DAT – BLAOW!

WWF PROPA TINGZ

SHOUT OUT TO STC MEMBER DARREN BRUNTON! IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK! SHOW SOME ADMIRATION & RESPECT!

And they’ve started! Oh snap! Stephanie is putting the QUITTERS on blast!!! See how she switches it up to Dean Ambrose though!!!! HA! HA!

May Paul Heyman interject??? Will he mention Phillipa’s name blatantly?!!! Nope he’s gonna talk about BRRROCCK LESSSNAR!

Well Seth Rollins is right…. no one wants to see Cena win the title, but by claiming that Brock Lesnar is the ‘BEST’, the crowd took that as an insult to Philipa…

So Seth is like, Ambrose, give back the briefcase with my cheque in there… Ambrose appears on-screen… he’s like – if yuh tink say your name bad man, come fe it nuh? And according to you IWC b!tches, John Cena just had to steal the limelight from Ambrose by attacking Rollins… I dun explained to you how Cena is in this storyline… y’all just hating… so The Grant Says – SHUT THE F**K UP!

HA! HA! Jamie Noble gives me joke! He wants  some sledge hammers to aid in retrieving the briefcase… you know NO-ONE wields that thing except for Triple TEEF!!!!

I’m glad Ziggler has killed that noise he was going on with R-Truth… Cesaro you are a don, I hope you defeat The Miz & Ziggler in this Triple Threat Match for the Intercontinental Championship… babestation ain’t saying nuthin either… I guess it’s a quick game of Tekken!

Side note – I’m glad that this will be the last episode of Raw I’ll be watching via stream… this Wednesday – let’s get that Network! HEY! It better not be no £9.99! charge us the same you charge the states! No funny business knowing this dyam country!

In fact f**k Tekken – let’s post this pic of Stephanie with her fine self… just for no reason!

Steph Raw Chicago

Actually this wrestling contest is not bad! Plenty pinning predicaments! Great counter techniques! But damnit, Cesaro hit the Sho-ryu-ken on The Miz, Ziggler kicks down Cesaro and takes advantage of the pin and defends his title…

So who are these guys? Jamie Noble & his bredrin? Are they the new Patterson & Brisco??? HAHAHAHAHA!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

It’s okay people, my girl Sophia Lares is back on babestation… she’s on standby for when RAW comes with some stupidness…

I’m sick of stupid muthaf***az running up my inbox while RAW is on… what the f**k do they want at this time of night? Worse than that – I get someone running up my inbox telling me to ‘like’ his profile picture… I ain’t no battyman – get the f**k outta here with that sh!t!

WTF was that all about with The Wyatt Family? Most notably Luke Harper? What is this – a singles career launch??? Answers on a postcard please – Tweet me @MZATheInfamous, or hit us up at our FB group –http://www.facebook.com/groups/smacktalkcentre – Request To Join – Don’t Be a Weirdo!

Jesus have mercy LAYLA!!!! My god you look so f**kable! What’s this I hear – you have a new boyfriend???? I’m gonnaGRANT & LAYLA WWE2K15 find him… and SKIN HIM ALIVE!

Yo Jerry Lawler you still got it for lyrics! ‘Love is Grand, Divorce is 100Grand!’ I ought to remember that!

OH SNAP!!! Rosa’s extensions fell out her headtop!!! She might be the star of Total Divas, but this is RAW – where Layla is my star!!

Is it me, or does Dean Ambrose entrance music sound like that Puff Daddy tune??? Me cyan’t remember the name of it… I think it was for some film or something…

Oh snap! Ambrose is having a Chicago clearance sale??? He can’t do that surely?

WOW!! the crowd are chanting for someone other than Philipa Brukk!!!

Come on Patterson & Brisco!!! Do your job and get the briefcase!!!

Oh hang on… reinforcements!!! Looks like Ambrose wants no problems with these guys he calls ‘rosebuds’…. he’s going back up the stairs Shield style… he’s like – Seth Rollins – take your briefcase…what I wanna know is – why did Seth open that thing???? OH SNAP – what is that slimy sh!t coming out that messed up Rollins good suit??? He’s lucky it’s that and not what happened to The McMahons & the Spirit Squad back in 2006!

Even Randall & Glenn are laughing about it!!!! OH SH!T!!

First Swagger, now you wanna f**k with Mark Henry, Bo Dallas??? You don’t want to do that sir!!! Say what – Close the Hall Of Pain????? That’s only gonna keep the Hall Of Pain open BIG TIME!

Say what? Bo Dallas defeated Mark Henry???? What in the flying f**k???!!!!!

Shocked Undertaker 21-1 face2THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO HENRY???!!!! 

Suddenly Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak is irrelevant… Mark Henry lost to Bo muthaf***!n Dallas???? Oh HELL TO DA NAW!!!

That’s more like it!!!! Henry just f**ked up Bo Dallas backstage!!! Now THAT’S WHAT I DO!!!

Oh I get it…. will this Bella feud end in an I Quit match??? Hmmm….. I know y’all not interested… now putting Cameron & Eva Marie up against Brie Bella… is it REALLY a handicap match? If Tamina and Alicia Fox came out then I’d say yeah for sure…

Now look what you Bellas have done! Got the crowd chanting for JBL, Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole! Well it’s better than Philipa…. you know what? I think the crowd are finally come to terms with the truth… Note – AJ Lee hasn’t come out yet… was it a move by WWE for AJ Lee NOT to appear on Raw??? Or was it AJ Lee that thought – f**k that – I’m not about to bust my @$$ (Literally) out there only for the crowd to chant for a man who crosses his legs and whines like a b!tch… oh wait…. that’s my man…

GRANT BODY – P!!!

So hold on… Adam Rose & the Bunny are on commentary? And we got Slater, Gator and mini gator (Hornswoggle)? The Bunny actually has a WWE profile??? Ok this is the part where I watch babestation… F**K that – Chant Philipa’s name! You have my permission!

You gotta problem with Hip Hop JBL???? You gotta problem with me!!! Don’t let me come down there and Timberland Boot Stomp your @$$!

People are loving the Big Show! You know why? Because on Smackdown, Big Show punched Rusev through school buses! PPPPPPPP!!!! I’ve missed that super-move!

Hold up – Rusev can speak English??? Since when???!!!! SHUT UP!!!!

Rusev don’t want none of Big Show….after all that talk of breaking every bone in his body??? Rusev you got no barz!!!

OH NO! Big Show just pulled down the Russian flag! He can’t do that???? Big Show gonna be in trouble for sure! (yes I know Jericho, you disrespected the Brazilian flag and you got in trouble…)

NO Cena you didn’t just say that!!!! You can’t say Chicago is your type of town??!!!! That must sting!!!! I love the darts being thrown by the WWE superstars!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

But I gotta agree with Ambrose… the beef started with him & Rollins… it’s not your fight really… I mean it is to an extent but it’s so personal with Ambrose… so stop stealing Ambrose’s Yam & dumpling and get your own sh!t… you love your fruity pebbles don’t you? And by the way… your T-shirt is WACK! I don’t care if it’s promoting Cancer research or whatever!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

OH SNAP!!! AJ LEE IS HERE!!!! Is she gonna cut a promo??? Nope, she’s gonna fight! Better get my ear plugs…

Well Paige don’t want none of AJ Lee… so she sent Alicia Fox after her! er AJ… if I was you I would lose this fight…. and she has!!! Alicia hasn’t gotta go crazy all over Chicago!

Oh Lawwwd they beat down AJ Lee in Chicago… shot after shot after shot at Philipa… this is WWE firing shots at dude like his name is Scarface when he took 50 licks!

Shock! Horror! Now we gotta wait til NOVEMBER 1, for the WWE Network! Blodclart!!!! David Cameron what the f**k did you do??? I mean, WWE2K15 comes out at the same time! I’m going to see Common Live on London at that time! I don’t think it’s gonna work out….

Shout out to Hulk Hogan and all the ladies in the world that are putting boots2breastcancer…Show the world that you are proud of your t!++!£$! Don’t let the evil cancer take away your t!++!£$! We love your t!++!£$, and so should you!

It’s kinda funny how Glenn complains about Seth starting fires and he has to put em out… you see? My Hero Kane STARTS FIRES!!! I HATE GLENN DAMNIT!!!

I like Dean Ambrose’s hoodie… got that Anarky feel to it…. then you got the total opposite, Mr Fruity Pebbles himself…. considering it’s breast cancer awareness month, in the case of Cena, THE MILK’S GONE BAD!!!!

GRANT BODY – P!!!

Well well, Seth Rollins shut down another main event…. oh f**k!nhell look at Cena and Ambrose fighting over who should f**k up Rollins…see that’s what happens when you on that bullsh!t – RKO, CHOKESLAM, THEN A CURB STOMP – BLAOW!!!! Both Cena & Ambrose laid out, crowd chanting ‘Thank you Rollins’, and NO returning star… no Batista, no Bryan, no Philipa Brukk…. NOBODY… y’all been reading them muthaf***!n dirt sheets too much, and now y’all not smiling… YES, NOBODY’S SMILING… except ME!!! WHOEVER LOSES, I WIN BIATCH!!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GETINTHECHAIR

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE, THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR BDSIR NETWORK.

BDSIR Networkwww.cageamateursuk.com

Monday Night Raw #1077: January 13, 2014!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw

Smack Talk Centre Ray Logo

The Infamous Informer

What a week in wrestling last week eh??!!!!

Too Cool & Rikishi have STILL GOT IT.

DDP & Booker T acting a fool before getting caught by Ron Simmons…

Roddy Piper standing up to The Shield.

The entire wrestling world in absolute shock when Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts music hit and he came through the curtain.

Surely WWE can forgive Dean Ambrose for marking out when Jake threw ‘Damien’ on him???

Mae Young trolling the wrestling fans… “R.I.P. Mae Young….” (I’m still here muthaf***az!!! And I’ll get my ‘puppies’ out one more time if I see another FB status saying that sh!t!)

The WWE Network has now been announced… and THE GRANT SAYS THIS: those who are NOT sending for it DOES NOT have a VALID reason, and is NOT a TRUE WRESTLING FAN. You are no longer entitled to say sh!t when someone becomes WWE Undisputed Champion…Us crazy folk in the UK gotta wait til early 2015!

Anyone would think it was my birthday… OH SNAP!!!!!!

I don’ expect this weeks Raw to top last week… but you’ll never know. RAW #1077! HOLD ‘DAT  – BLAOW!!!

WWF PROPA TINGZIs this how it goes down in the streets??? The Usos Vs Daniel Bry- er I mean Danny Wyatt and Bray Wyatt to jump off the show? I approve this intro!

Shout out to Jerry Lawler who is back in effect this week on commentary! Wearing his old school jacket as well! Shout out to JAY-BEE (JBL) for pointing out that the fans will chant for Daniel Bryan no matter what his personal chess moves are!!!

By Harper & Rowan getting involved and causing a disqualification… is that Bray Wyatt’s way of styling out the fact that he can’t last in the ring more than 5 minutes???? (Shout out to STC’s Anthony Cardenas!!!)

So let me get this right so I can understand this: For every loss/disqualification… Danny Wyatt sacrifices himself to Bray??? He really is the ‘dog’ in Unleashed!!!

2005_unleashed_poster_001

Unleashed Jet LI

Remember the great contest between John Cena & Damien Sandow last October? Well ever since then that has burning Sandow’s soul like Ether and he hasn’t been the same… he couldn’t defeat Cena with his bad arm… now that Cena is 100%…. can he beat him now???

Sandow now has a new super move submission? He realises that he has to step his game up now that there is only one belt!

Hold up – did Cena just use another new move??? WHOA!!! He’s gotta face the wrath of Vincent Kennedy surely!

Meme courtesy of STC member Lee Steadx

Cena wins! Well what did you expect IWC jabronies? He has to gain momentum going into the championship match at the Royal Rumble!!! NOW SHUDDUP!

OH SNAP!! Old School Raw NAH DUN! The New Age Outlaws team up with CM Punk to take on The Shield in a Smackdown rematch??? YEAAAAH BOYEE!!!

Dayum my girl Chilli from TLC is down with the WWE Network??!!! Well from time she’s getting it, What’s your excuse for not getting it you dumb muthaf***az?Chilli

Chilli @officialchilli 9 Jan

I can watch every @WWE PPV ever?.. past n present? WCW n ECW too?? Mannnn gotta get @WWENetwork Feb 24th! Luv my wrestling:)))

RECORD SKIP!!! The Wyatt Brudda (Bray & Danny) Vs The Uso Brudda AGAIN??? In a Steel Cage match? But the sh!t is chained up? And My Hero Kane got the key??? This is basically a tag team mini Hell In A Cell!!!!

YES!!! THE GREATEST THING EVER JUST HAPPENED ON RAW! FINALLY THAT BASTARD ZEB COLTER GOOSE COOK! THE BIG SHOW WITH THE SEAN PRICE PUNCH – PPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! THROUGH SCHOOLBUSES!!!

I loved how JAY-BEE was cussing that Zeb is somebody’s grandfather… Well THE GRANT SAYS that if he has any grandkids… they too should be overjoyed!!! YEAH I SAID IT! Let’s play some SEAN P!!!

WHAAAAT!! You wanted the muthaf***!n Attitude Era back!!! Look here now! New Age Outlaws in effect!!! CM Punk! The Shield! If you’re not down with that, they got two words for ya!!! SUCK IT!!!!

Lillian Garcia – MUTHAF**- That red dress she have on…. I wanna tear it off!!! NO I’M NOT POSTING A LINK OF THAT TUNE – LADY IN RED! We don’t do that over here – this is RePP!N4U! Represent The Real Hip Hop!!!

I find it interesting that JAY-BEE loves pointing out that The Shield took out The Undertaker and he hasn’t been seen since… that’s it Jay-Bee keep stirring the pot.. if I know Undertaker, he’s on some Batman Ninja Stealth sh!t, and will take out The Shield one by one!

Holy – did Roman Reigns just do the DX Suck It chop to the New Age Outlaws??? DISRESPECT!!! And I like Roman Reigns!

RECORD SKIP!!! The New Age Outlaws turned their back give CM Punk??? But why???? TELL ME WHY!!

…..WAIT! I FIGURED IT OUT!!!

Think about it!!! The New Age Outlaws – they are apart of whom? D-Generation X! Who is the founding members of that crew? Shawn Michaels & Triple TEEF! Who has CM Punk being disrespecting lately? TRIPLE TEEF! They are all bredrin! TRIPLE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!! Some of you have done the knowledge already.. and I smell it – CM Punk Vs Triple TEEF and WrestleMania XXX???

Hang on – The Funkadactyls Vs AJ Lee & Tamina? That’s 4 of my favourite women! NO! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!!BDSIR LAYLA GRANT

AJ Lee – 211 days of WWE Divas Champion!!! GWARN GIRL!

Cameron takes the L… but AJ Lee and Tamina continue to be TEEF! Naomi BEXXX!!!! So hold on… does this mean Naomi could be in line for the Divas title at the Royal Rumble?

WHAAAAAAAAT!!! And to think… that WWE put out a DVD called the Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior, Had several superstars running his clart… and now they induct him in the Hall Of Fame! THAT IS #BESTFORBUSINESS!!!

Ultimate Warrior Hall Of fame

Remember back in the days? When Randall was so TEEF that he even got Kofi Kingston BEX??? Now I see a happy-go-lucky Kingston going to the ring! Come on Kofi!!! Where is that RUTHLESS AGGRESSION! What happened to the guy that took a baseball bat and f**ked up Randall’s car? Went to Madison Square Garden and f**ked Randall up???

OH SNAP!!! KINGSTON MUST HAVE HEARD ME!!! Kofi Kingston just defeated Randall Orton!!!! LAWD HAVE MERCY! Randall talking sh!t about everybody wants to f**k him up…now that means Kofi can actually fight for the title!

UH-OH!!! Now the voices in his head are talking to him! They told him to knock Cena’s dad the f**k out!!! Randall you’ve DONE IT NOW!!! You don’t beat down next man’s family suh like that!!! DISRESPECT! That’s somebody DADDY – FOOL!

OH SNAP!!!! My girl Chilli from TLC just retweeted The Infamous Informer!

Chilli retweeted you

39m:

Rybaxel go sidung!!! You ain’t beating The Rhodes Brudda them! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!

Yes!!! Bertie is coming out to have a contest with Rey Mysterio! You know what that means! Lillian speaking Spanish!!! I said it before… if a woman is talking Spanish to me while I’m working her pum-pum – my super-sperm will shoot out like a champagne bottle after shaken! FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!!!

Now I understand!!! Bertie mash-up Mysterio arm because he’s Batista’s bredrin!!!! Bertie you are a don but Batista is gonna f**k you up!!!

Big up the New England Patriots!!! They reppin at Raw with the classic WWF Championship Belt!! You know the one that Hulk Hogan, Yokozuna and Bret hart and famously known for holding???

OK MAIN EVENT TIME! THE USO BRUDDA! THE WYATT BRUDDA! STEEL CAGE MATCH! KANE LOCK DE DOOR! LET’S GO!!!

OH SNAP! The Usos! With a double back drop to Bryan from the top rope – BLAOW!!!

UH-OH!!! The Usos win again!!! Does that mean Danny Wyatt is gonna get f**ked up again??

SWITCH!!!! Bray went for the Sister Abigail super move! Danny said – NAH! F**K THAT!!! He kicked Bray all over that damn cage!!! Took off his boiler room attire! Rid himself of the Wyatt name! The Dog turned on his Master!!!

If you want my honest opinion, I think this storyline was meant to go on longer… but WWE must have picked up on this video recently… OBSERVE….

GRANT BODY – P!!!

#DOTHEKNOWLEDGE

#GWARNYUHBED

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!

CLICK HERE TO OUR SMACK TALK CENTRE YOUTUBE CHANNEL

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.

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The Jobber Blogger #83 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 26/12/13

December 30, 2013 by DiVineDiablo

Jobber Blogger New Year

Well it’s not Christmas Eve anymore, but then it’s not the New Year yet also, so it’s time to end the year with a bang! Least, from my perspective currently whilst Writing this blog, I hope it ends with a Bang. Not like my computer blows up, or someone knocks on the door or something, more like I hope this is a good one!

It’s been an Amazing Year folks, and thanks go out to all of those whom have Read my many ramblings in my first full year of doing this. It has flown by to be honest, and for anyone who wants to get into Writing and keeping up to date, then telling yourself you’re going to Cover a Weekly show is the way to do it. They provide the material, you sit back and make fun, and huzah! Let your Three Readers at best roll in to witness it all.

Well it’s soon to be a New Year, and like everyone, The Jobber Blogger hopes it brings new heights! And with certain plans in my pockets, who knows what might happen! Of course, until then, it’s time to do this for the consecutive Eighty Third time!

Impact Wrestling Logo

 TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 26/12/13

I suppose before we kick it into “Covering the Show” let’s plug Total Nonstop Rewind’s / Jobber Blogger presented – “Best of 2013”. Each day for the next week a new Category will go up on www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind where you can view, comment and vote on your favourites from the chosen Nominees. So go get yourself over there now!

newcomer nom

Speaking of best new comers, Nominee 2013: Rockstar Spud kicked off Impact this week, with new Entrance theme… even less Rockstar than before. I think it’s time for a name change. Spud as a name is something I despise, I knew a guy named Spud.. so it’s degraded because of that, my other half knew a different guy named Spud, a girl I went to Uni with got nicknamed Spud, so yeah, I despise the name a little. But you know what, Rockstar Spud has a lot of qualities to best resemble “Spud”. I once created a Wrestler back in the old “Smackdown” games called “Neon”. He was a “Edge” inspired guy, mixed with GTA: Vice City, which the Magazine spread I was reading had a whole article on how the 80’s Neon Glow of the City set the stage and tone of the Game. So then Neon was born, and he was kinda crappy. I liked the idea, but he needed a make-over, so he became Neon Red, and Dark Neon, etc, each persona carried his abilities and general theme, but over time his look and attitude changed (as it so does in Wrestling) and his name was versatile enough to make the transition with him. He then became “Devil Neon” to team with my top CAW – Wild Thing and they sported similar looks. Till of course, inevitably they broke up as a Team and were forced to battle each other over who keeps the image. Wild Thing won, being the original (though it literally could have gone either way) so poor Neon had to once again go under a new style, and lose the one gimmick that brought him success. And so he became Poisneon a mix on neon and poison, and re-branded himself ala Sting. A look which proved very successful.

Okay, so I shall stop talking about the insane amount of Hours I spent on my own Make Believe Wrestling Federation, where I filled every single available Create-A-Wrestler slot, and spent so many hours planning storylines and what not. My Nerdiness runs much, much deeper into my history of “Wrestling Federations”, I had Draws and Draws full of Wrestling Figures, and I used to plan out my Storylines “years” in advance, (a month was like a Week to me, so I get through a year pretty quickly). I then used to plan out RAW and SmackDown with matches, and interview slots, all of it to make sense for the right title changes and storyline development. I had many Note-Books full of PPV’s then when it got to the PPV, I used to set up my Tape-Recorder and do running commentary on it. I had a pile of CD’s on my left with my CD Player, I knew every track for which Theme, I knew every last Second of the Songs for the Right Entrance Music to the perfect “Winning Theme” point in the song. I had a load of Tissue Paper to elastic band round my desk light to create the right lighting for the Wrestlers. I had rolls and rolls of PVC tape I used to customise my figures for the right Wrist Tape and new Ring-Gear. I even made (with help) real fabric T-shirts for when I pushed my low-card guys to the Main Events. I had loads of elastic to make new and nifty Ring-Ropes, and I had loads of blocks of Polystyrene to create these huge (one of a kind) Stages for my PPV’s every Month. Well, top that off with my Video Game (CAWs) and eFed’s, then I think you get a pretty good idea of how Wrestling obsessed I was.

My figure Storylines peaked when I “retired / fired / quit” some of the guys from the WWE, and I had customised many of my old Figures to match the TNA guys, because back then Jaxxs made the WWE figures, and Matel I believe did the TNA ones (like the old WCW ones) so they did not match in size. So I customised the likes of Abyss, AJ Styles, Raven, Ron Killings, BG James, I retired Jeff Hardy, bought a new DDP, everything was getting ready for this big TNA Invasion and then I grew up. Change that with (I didn’t want to be embarrassed) and you have the real answer. So my TNA love goes back many, many years too. I really should get a job in the Wrestling Industry.

 

So anyway Rockstar Spud kicked off Impact this week with new music, how the hell did I get on that rant? Oh yes, name change. Spud suits him, Rockstar not so much anymore. I think if he went through “Changes / Gimmicks” Spud can stay intact, and he go back to being a Rockstar, and he can be Chief Spud, or something like that. It’s a Mick Foley esk character change, that works amazingly well. Mick himself put it best when he reverted back to Cactus Jack in time for his infamous Street Fight with HHH nearly 14 years ago!!!!! o.O

He went from Mankind to being Cactus Jack, and all he really did was “take off his shirt” but it’s the legacy and mind set he established with each gimmick that made him a New Character, and that Character was capable of different things. It’s an awesome idea that has only ever been done with Mick in Wrestling to any success. Not that Spud is the right guy for it, but that idea could certainly carry.

Spud was out to introduce the “Woman Responsible for everything” who is the equivalent of “Lady Gaga, Santa Clause and Queen Elizabeth” rolled into one. Which is strange, because Dixie Carter came out, and I was expecting someone more like

Queen Lady Santa

The running Gag being that Dixie had this big “Announcement” or in reality (a desperate struggle for Ratings) but before she could announce it, Jeff Hardy headed to the ring.

Jeff didn’t really have much to say, just going on about how he doesn’t care about Dixie, and Dixie’s “Champion” and blabbing on endlessly about being sick of everything. Spud however got in the face of Hardy, which is the more noteworthy part of Hardy’s involvement, noteworthy more so because I wrote it down in my notes. Still, Hardy throttled and threatened Spud, which is when EC3 attacked Hardy.

Dixie then went to finally make her announcement when Sting got involved. Sting’s whole point was that he is also “Sick and tired of these entitled punks” and demanded a match against them.

Which is where Dixie rejected the match, then made the match, and took credit for it. So that’s cool. The match being Sting and Hardy against Spud and EC3.

Gunner was then next in line to disrupt Dixie, wanting to Cash-In his World Title Shot against Magnus, but alas, Magnus was “abroad celebrating”.

And then Storm got involved stating Gunner owed him and wanted a Match for the Briefcase.

Storm is now getting more paranoid that Gunner was the one who tipped off Bobby Roode that he was in that Bar, and led to Storm getting beaten down, then got his ass kicked in the match with Roode, till Gunner “threw in the towel” Either way, Dixie agreed to letting Storm and Gunner fight it out for the Briefcase, and that being punishment for Gunner interrupting her, and therefore she isn’t going to make the announcement till later on in the show.

James Storm vs. Gunner – World Heavyweight Championship Shot – Briefcase

What do you call this Stipulation?

Anyway, the opening of Impact was actually pretty good, I liked the chaotic-ness of it all. Sure it was a tad anti-climatic but it worked well.

I was just about to get into this match, after noting Gunner is wearing is Iron Maiden attire again. Till of course, Tragedy struck.

I went to get comfy and inadvertently kicked my empty bowl of Noodles sending a stream of “Noodle Juice” across my carpet. The whole was like a horrible flash back to I believe Undertaker vs. Mark Henry many years ago on Smackdown (soon after he reverted back to the Deadman).I ran down in the commercial break to get a glass of milk and dropped the Milk… I have never, ever, seen anything like the mess it made. I literally covered every single Kitchen Cupboard in Milk. I just looked around with dripping Milk everywhere. The whole floor…. MILK! It’s safe to say I missed the match cleaning it up.

Least this time round I just pressed Pause, and cleaned the Carpet. But while I was at it, I figured I might as well get another Mug of Tea. Now I have this HUGE Mug, and trying to stir my boiling hot tea proved to be just as problematic. For I ended up dropping the Tea-Spoon into my mug, so to stir it, I needed the spoon, to get the Spoon I had to stick my fingers in boiling hot tea. Of course the Spoon is Metal, so even when I got the Spoon, it was boiling hot and I dropped it back in the Tea,…. many, many times. Sure I could have got another Spoon, or used a cloth or something. But you know what, screw it! I was determined to do it, and suffer! God Damn You Noodle Juice!

I since learnt you say that 3 Times in a Mirror and nothing happens. Maybe.

Noodle Juice

In the end though, Gunner Speared Storm through the ropes, and right then you could see how it was going to end. But alas, Storm bounced Gunner’s head into the Steel Steps when Hebner counted them both out. Funny how normally they do it so everyone pays attention, but when they want people to get counted out, they do it as quietly as possible. Still, it didn’t end there as Storm and Gunner carried on beating each other up.

But I don’t know if that’s such a good match for Storm, as Taz quite clearly said, Gunner is built like a “Brick Sh*t House”…. now that’s a Lego Set kids wouldn’t want for Christmas.

Brick House

Brooke and Bully shared a nice little segment, which might actually have been my favourite from this week’s show. It started with Brooke approaching Bully backstage and claiming to have not heard from him in weeks, and “Who is this?” she asks about his current persona. She then threatens to tell the World all his little secrets, to which he says “that’s not a good idea”.

But she goes to the ring anyway, she is now a “bimbo” or at best I could gather by her current gimmick. She’s always been a weird mix of awesome and slutty. And funny enough depending on where you stand on those boundaries, you will either find her entirely awesome or entirely slutty. Still, with new music she has ditched the “Don’t Mess with Tess” and become this more “biker ish, sort of, groupie”. But, I quite like it.

I think now is the perfect time for her to ditch the “Tessmacher” it’s been gone since she just became “Brooke” with The Aces and Eights, but just let her be Brooke Adams, it’s a good name.

Still, she refused to be held accountable for the demise of The Aces and Eights, even though she threw the Hammer, which Anderson caught and that led to his Victory, all of it was Bully’s plan, it just didn’t “go to plan”.

Bully then came out, with his 2003 Undertaker look

2003 taker

Bully quickly went from the Clay Morrow running the Club (minus the awesome ideas and great planning) and quickly has become the Clay Morrow with no club mooching around doing nothing.

Brooke encourages Bully to “Tell the Truth” which, who knows what that is. But what’s actually rather awesome is when Brooke shed light on the fact that she has watched him “Destroy and lose everything”. Bully is left with no Heavyweight Championship, no Club, no Brother, no Family, and that’s actually yet another really cool Character Development. Even if it is a little bit “AJ Styles”.

The fact she compared Bully to a “Weird High-School Kid with no Friends” is what topped the Segment for me. Now there’s a good Wrestling Gimmick they haven’t fully explored.

Bully then of course stole the segment by saying he doesn’t blame Brooke because “you’re not much in the Brains Department” “Kept you around for other uses, but you weren’t much good at those either”. The little “sometimes when we were together I used to picture Brooke number one” was an excellent cheap shot. Though Bully has one final use for Brooke, and that’s to spread his word.

Which is when the Segment got really good, and weird, and kinda cheesy as they played this ominous dark tone whilst Bully spoke about how “Evil” and “Sinister” he is, and that it’s only going to get “A lot Worse”.

So whatever they are building to with Bully should be awesome, no doubt going in a more Hardcore Direction, which seems fitting. Perhaps Tommy Dreamer plays into that with their match coming up soon on TNA’s One Night Only PPV.

Joseph Park vs. Bad Influence – Monsters Ball Match

If I can find it, I shall embed the Awesome Video Package they ran before this match. It was a great look at the whole Joseph Park / Abyss storyline, but it’s certainly running dry, which is why I fear they have just kicked it into over-drive to get it done with. Of course the bad side of that is I don’t think it will have reached its potential. Which is TNA’s greatest quote “It’s good… never reaches its Potential though”.

I’ve been saying it for years, TNA have great ideas and terrible execution with an even worse pay off.

EY got Park to enter with Abyss’ music, but they kept Joseph Park’s video. So that made a whole deal of sense.

Park kept Janice close, till of course Bad Influence knocked her out of Park’s hands, which is when they just beat him down for the majority of the match.

Speaking of beating things down, or even beating things in. Here’s a good plug for IGN’s Let’s Play with Christopher Daniels!…. yep, the whole wording of Beating, and then a title of “Let’s Play with Christopher Daniels” certainly paints a rather bleak image in one’s head.

IGN – Christopher Daniels – Let’s Play

Kaz was about to smash Park over the head with a Steel Chair till Daniels stopped him, so they didn’t make Park bleed, hence not bringing out his “Abyss mode”, strange how they’ve only just come to this conclusion a year later, and only because Eric Young pointed it out.

It was all a little odd, it mixed humour with this weird type of horror story thing. Obviously in the end Park tried to run away from Kaz and Daniels who were just beating him down till Eric Young came out to encourage Park. Though EY’s best efforts of “making him bleed” didn’t work out, in the end Kaz swung the Kendo stick which EY dodged and it busted Park open badly, sending him into Abyss mode.

Park then won the match with Blood everywhere and picked up Janice. So I don’t know if that means he is Abyss, or he has found Abyss or what. It didn’t involved barbed wire or thumb tacks, it didn’t really do a lot.

The thing is, if Park is only sent into this “Abyss” mode by seeing his own blood, why would you want to revert him back? Also if you want it to be a permanent thing, how is that going to work. Personally I think EY should just hit him over the head with different things to see which worked till it did. Though a weird mash up of a crazy Joseph Park with Abyss would be good. If the whole experiment went in a complete different direction and they made a hybrid, unstable, monster that tore through everything and everyone. That would be cool. I should write this show, I’ve got years of experience with Toys.

Lei’D Tapa (w/Gail Kim) vs. ODB

Gone are the days of “The Unstoppable Force meets The Immovable Object”  like the great Hogan / Andre battle. Nope, Taz summed this one up as “King Kong vs. OctoPussy” so that says a lot.

kong octopus

Before I go off into a semi-rant, let’s cut to the finish, Gail Kim slid the Knockouts Championship in the ring, which distracted the Ref, so when ODB picked up Lei’D Tapa to slam her, Gail pulled ODB’s hair and Tapa fell on top of her and got the victory.

I put “Weak” and underlined it twice.

Now what I mean by that, is Lei’D Tapa is built like a Female Wrestler we haven’t seen before. Sure we’ve had our Chyna’s and Awesome Kong’s and I’m sure there are similar Wrestlers like Tapa out in the indies. But on Television, Lei’D Tapa is “SOMETHING DIFFERENT”. For my money she’s better than Kong, she is built like the perfect giant, Amazon type. The way Matt Morgan was a giant built like a perfect Man, Tapa is the exact right proportion she should be, she’s just really Big. Now that makes her an attraction.

When she debuted she started by taking out all of the Knockouts with ease, now that was awesome. Then they made her Gail’s lackey and she’s been rather terrible ever since. Sure she would just be a Female in Squash matches, but the fact that Gail needed to help Tapa win? Now that makes her look incredibly Weak. The fact Madison Rayne beat Gail Kim last week, what the hell does that do for Lei’D Tapa.

You are going to have to flick a switch to be able to build her into what she is naturally built as. To say this was THE meeting between both Tapa and ODB it was forgettable. They should have devoted time to build it as a feud, to actually have suspense around their encounter. They missed every opportunity and in the process just flat lined Tapa’s potential.

During the show we had a “Rise of Magnus” video package that was Magnus talking about his journey to where he is now. It was one of those weird “Shoot / Work” videos, where he had genuine gripes of is shaky start and years spent to get somewhere. Mixed with the Work angel of his new Heel persona and cashing in on that opportunity to become the World Champion. With Magnus set to appear next week on Impact, I personally want to see him be full out Heel, new Music, new look, new attitude. I half suspect he will be, but time will tell.

Jeff Hardy and Sting vs. Ethan Carter the Third and Rockstar Spud and The Bromans (w/Zema Ion)

No you didn’t read that wrong, and yes you probably already watched the Show. Dixie finally made her announcement which if that got people to stay tuned to Impact and didn’t want to, then no, it was not worth their time. She purely said Magnus will be here next week. And then announced that The Bromans will be teaming with EC3 and Spud in this Handicap match.

Throughout the night Jeff has been a little off, Sting was trying to get him fired up, but Jeff didn’t seem to be biting. Then we saw him on the phone with his Wife Beth where he said “I need to do this”.

Anyway, Jeff hit a Senton Dive over the Ropes to take out everyone, so it made up for it. Also have I mentioned how good The Bromans are now that Zema is with them. I miss his DJ Desk, the idea of him making stupid noises and shouting out over the match is a highlight I want to see every week.

I guess the main story is that EC3 avoided fighting Sting, Spud avoided doing anything, which they are building this thing about Spud not actually being a capable Wrestler. Which I like, the work they’ve done with Spud in a matter of weeks has really paid off. He is perfect for this Role, and to have him seem like the “incapable” Wrestler is perfect. I never knew Steven Richards could Wrestle, I didn’t know that at all when Right to Censor first came on the scene. So to some, they won’t know anything about Spud, though Spud was Wrestling with the TNA guys 8 years ago in the UK, he’s been on the circuit a long time.

In the end though, Sting was cleaning house when EC3 caught him in a Roll Up from Behind and got the win. Which of course just annoyed Sting further, though with EC3 having a World Tag-Team Title Shot, I guess it’s quite obvious that Spud could indeed be his Partner. What is more interesting though is that they are friends with the Bromans, the Champions, so how they will resolve that issue will be interesting. It could be to turn Bromans Face if they refuse to “lose” to Dixie’s “boys”.

And then the show ended with Jeff apologising to Sting for last week, and for tonight. And did his really awkward screaming “I’m not buying into a single word your saying” speech where he said Dixie is driving him crazy (funny, because he went to meet with her two weeks ago, and clearly didn’t realise she was different then). He said he wants to Fight, but has no Fight left, and that he has Wrestled his Last Match for TNA – and then regrettably added “Until the Sun Shines on this Great Kingdom Once More!”. So much for going out with your head held high, just ruined a good speech.

Either way, this is the news that got people in a huff on the Internet about Jeff leaving TNA. The very idea someone in that crowd witnessed that Speech and thought he was actually leaving and it wasn’t storyline, just Baffles my mind. It is quite obviously Storyline and Jeff will be back at some point. Probably with AJ Styles, Chavo Guerrero, Sting maybe and Jeff Jarrett.

As they assemble to battle Dixie’s Power Trip. Hell, Hogan might even show up… hopefully not though, I don’t really miss him.

Here is my problem  though, sure this whole TNA Originals vs. Dixie Carter Power Trip thing is an awesome idea. Though it is still an invading Faction esk Idea. The bigger problem comes with the fact that having The Good Guys run the show is not anyway near as good as having the Bad Guys run the show. Dixie’s Heel Run has been some of the best work TNA has done, period. She is a great catalyst for everyone else to work off from, the friction between her and AJ was great. When Anderson came back and she was getting him arrested was awesome, shame that has died down. Hogan in charge was a little bit of a bore, so was Sting. So this is great currently. And she has EC3 and Spud who can take an Ass Kicking for her.

Still, whatever that are working towards excites me! And it should excite you too!

See you all in the New Year!

Till Then,

Dan Wilkinson

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

TNR Cover 12

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