The Jobber Blogger comes Whizzing in at 88mph like Marty McFly… only without purpose and motive. To think I’ve managed to whittle on for 88 issues just boggles my mind like those fish with the big eyes. Or boglins.
Why don’t we have crazy weird toys anymore, aside from my Marvel Mega Bloks collection (damn you Disney!) I feel strangely non-motivated to collect other types of useless tat. I like useless tat, and believe it or not I will spend good money on it. It’s like anyone whom reads this, spending useless amounts of their time reading my useless tat of a Wrestling Based article!
What isn’t useless tat though is this week’s Impact – the aptly named “Genesis – Part 2” where God thought to himself, Damn, better try harder next time, something about the world being created, a big bang or Mosses. Or combine them all to have Mosses taking the role of Adam and Eve and sailing by himself performing unsanitary acts to himself on a boat before he drowns horribly.
Yup… nothing sets up the following report like a controversial religious slur….. Wrestling!
TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – Genesis: Part Two – 23/1/14
Moving swiftly on from last week’s epiphany of eating Sultanas to Write my blog, I tried the same this week only to bite myself, so I suggest everyone reframe from doing so. They should be labelled with a health warning. Once I’m done talking about Wrestling I will be off to Write a Stern Letter to Tesco!
Impact kicked off with Dixie, Spud, Magnus and Dixie’s Lawyer – Creed. Whom fits two roles from The Office U.S, obviously having the name “Creed” and looking surprisingly similar to James Spader.
This “new investor” Storyline has been kicked up quite a notch, after only being mentioned last week, to having him buying a great deal of shares to be able to sway the company. The nice little nod was to his intentions being “Wrestling Operations”. Which to me is a clear sign that TNA want to move the company back to the Wrestling greatness they once had. But this Investor is already calling the shots and setting up a “Hostile Takeover” – correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t think you could buy shares of a Company and then actually control it. I might invest my pennies wisely this month… probably in Tesco and add that Health Warning on the damn sultanas!
Of course I’m still eating them! What else would you have me do?
Magnus, Spud and EC3 made their way to the ring where I can quite honestly say Magnus impressed me on the mic. He’s never been a great talker, but this whole Heel Champion run even if it’s early days, is something he seems to be running with really well. Magnus’ main gripe was about Sting being a “man” and putting his career on the line for one more shot at the World Championship, but with this Investor in place, he managed to gain Sting an advantage by having someone in his corner.
Sting obviously confronts Magnus, a whole load of “I’m a Man” crap and Sell-out rubbish is thrown around, the biggest aspect is that the Crowd have adopted the “Paper Champion” name for Magnus, interesting to see how his home crowd reacts this week, I would cheer…. Personally speaking.
Everything breaks down in a fight, it is Wrestling after all, and we find out Samoa Joe is going to be in Sting’s corner in his Championship match.
Gunner vs. James Storm – #1 Contender Brief Case
It seems the way to win this match is to just get the case and hug it. Taz made reference to it being like “American Football” which if I dig out my old rant Banner – Hugging the case fits perfectly with that idea.
I actually expected the crowd to be more into this than they were, quite early on Gunner hit a Top Rope Fall-Away Slam on Storm which didn’t seem to draw much reaction. Storm got more of a response from pulling off a Top Rope Hurricanrana, which took me by surprise, like everyone else.
The ending came with Storm grabbing the Brief Case but Gunner got Storm in an Electric Chair so Gunner elevating Storm to his Shoulders sort of acted like an easier way for Storm to get the case, but then Gunner dropped him backwards with Storm dropping the case. They both did a little crawl on each other type of thing before Gunner just head butted the Cowboy and hugged the Case like his favourite Winnie the Pooh Bear.
I don’t think I was on my own thinking that this would be the match where Storm turns Heel. But alas, it’s not yet to be. I am somewhat glad Gunner kept the Case, I still think he could do with a little extra before he’s truly “ready” as a Character. I noticed he had a bit of an intro to his music now, though his music still sucks. I like his attire and ring jacket, I just think some crazy camouflage “War-Paint” would be rather cool, let him be scary and intense. Hell, try and get him over like a Soldier type of Ultimate Warrior.
Austin Aries vs. Chris Sabin – X-Division Championship – Velvet in a Cage
While I still don’t get what putting Velvet in a cage proves, surely she could have shown her independence and thus Sabin show his, and her not get involved by I don’t know… not going to the ring with him. But whatever, gimmicks be gimmicks.
What was nice and also terrible at the same time was Velvet’s “Impact 365” where she received a Present from Sabin. What stood out to me was her looking normal, she looks far better without the overdone make-up and trampy clothes. But hey, it’s her career. She decided to do an “Un-boxing” of her present for all of her fans. And within this box was a Teddy Bear (Which we never saw), a Gift Bag (which we never saw) and a Lead Pipe. Did it bug anyone else knowing that all of these items surely couldn’t fit into this one box. That aside, Velvet didn’t seem to know what to do with the Pipe, no that’s not a euphemism.
Velvet brought this big “not cute looking” gift-bag into the Cage with her. Now given the stipulation of this match, and should I be any type of competent official, I might have wanted to know what was in this giant blue bag, given that they check knee pads an all.
The match was good though, and for anyone whom would even Argue that Austin Aries isn’t the best Wrestler going today, then this Match was packed full with proof that he is.
I am actually rather glad that Velvet being locked in a Cage didn’t play more on the match than it did, for Sabin and Aries are capable of putting on a great match, and last year we saw them both steal the show many times. Though it did have a hindrance on the ending, as Sabin went to get the Bag from Velvet, he found within it a Teddy Bear. I might have even been Gunners?
Still, Aries proceeded to push the bear helplessly down the front of his trunks, an act I found far more offensive than the Christy Hemme stunt. One corner drop-kick and Brain Buster later, Aries won back the X-Division Gold.
I guess at the end of the day, Aries didn’t win cleanly either with Sabin himself being distracted by Velvet… so I’m sure we’ve not seen the last of this. And maybe next time she will just stay out of the match for everyone’s benefit.
The Wolves had their first Promo this week in the shape of a Video Promo. I can’t tell you how excited I am to see these guys in action. I’ve heard good things and having a Tag-Team debut in TNA has been long over-due. I said it in my “Best of TNA” Article that I want a great Tag-Team Division built this year, and in January we have one of the most talked about teams from the Indie Scene come to TNA.
They are heavily linked with this “Investor” Storyline last week saying that they aren’t here for a TNA Try-out match like Dixie thought, but they have been signed by this outside investor. Again, I didn’t know you could do that through Shares? Still, this mystery investor is said to be revealed this week in Glasgow Scotland. The current rumours are its MVP – I hope not, because he sucks. His own self encouraged chant was “Boring”. It could have been Ball-in… but as there was no Ball I decided to go with what just made more sense, and how I was currently feeling.
Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle – Steel Cage Match
Still seems a little silly Kurt needs to be Roode to get into the TNA Hall of Fame. But hey, that’s the stipulation, given that this is going to be seen as Angle’s great victory, it sort of over shadows the last how many times Roode won?
However that isn’t the worst part, Roode seemed to be in a self-mocking mood also as he wore this horrible 90’s (I can’t afford a trench coat) monstrosity to the ring.
I get that it’s Wrestling attire, but it looks so awful if it’s not attire or in the least bit stylish. He just looks like he’s come straight to the ring from a quick visit with the nearest Gimp.
Which quite nicely fits with another bad idea I had forgotten about. Kurt Angle has a tattoo! I had totally forgotten about that, though Ten Years ago it looked bad, now it looks like a Dirty Smudge on his Shoulder, like he’s been Wrestling Hardy and his face paint rubbed off.
With all my joking aside, this match was a joy to watch. These days when you get a Cage Match they are usually a disappointment. Over the years they’ve been built up with these huge high spots and obviously not every match is going to have them. Though Hardy and Magnus in Dixie Land was also very good. But Roode and Angle not only had a match I felt worthy of putting a Scribble next to, to remind myself in almost a year’s time when I write this year’s Best of TNA. But they put on one of the best Cage Matches over the last few years. Which is also great but this match now cements Genesis as having one of those “Must See Matches” like last year’s Triple Threat Main Event.
Angle climbed to the top of Cage after being egged on by the fans and performed his infamous Moonsault. Sure Roode moved out of the way and Angle had a nice bounce upon his landing. To be fair over the years when Angle has done that move before, and his opponent didn’t move, he barely landed on them anyway. Roode was crawling out of the ring when Angle pulled him back in at the last second.
Roode hit his “Roode Bomb” which still irritates me as a name, for Kurt to kick out. What was more surprising was the awesome Angle Slam from the Top Rope which Roode kicked out off to yet another “flat reaction” from the crowd.
In the end Angle made his way up to the top of the Cage and when Roode realized he crawled his way out of the door, this ended up in a race to the Bottom which Angle won by falling the remaining distance.
If you didn’t watch this match.. correct it. now!
The Bromans with DJ Zema Ion cut a Promo – or better yet, a Bro-Mo. Which I actually found rather funny, they are becoming the best tag team in TNA, specially as Bad Influence have just been doing run-ins rather than anything themselves. Apparently EY and Park have a Title Match with them scheduled for next week. Not sure why, but they do. So EY headed down to the ring to get beaten up when Abyss joined the fight. The interesting note is that Abyss throttled EY till EY convinced him to let go. I like the idea of EY “unleashing the monster” and then not being able to control him. I still think EY should actually become a Mad Scientist, with his attire and gimmick.
I have no idea why Abyss showed up, nothing happened to make Park fully change… it’s all a little bit confusing.
Spud vs. Samoa Joe
With Samoa Joe being picked by Sting to be in his corner, Dixie put him in a Match against Spud. This marks the first singles Match Spud has had in TNA since they were last in the UK. Not to mention his first Singles Match on Impact in the US.
EC3 gave Spud a great pep talk backstage calling him “The British Dream” another idea I hope they run with. It ended with Spud roaring like a lion trying to get himself fired up.
Spud easily steals every backstage segment and almost every segment he is in. With Dixie saying he shouldn’t worry about facing Joe, as Spud won the British Boot-Camp he quickly added “yeah, by beating two girls!” which at once was highly amusing and a good slap in the face to Party Marty Scurll.
In terms of good promos though, Joe is one of the best, and tonight that was no different, coming at Spud with a fierce intent. The match was over as quickly as it started with Spud getting a few moves but over all Joe dominating the match. Muscle Buster straight to Submission Victory.
Sting (w/ Samoa Joe) vs. Magnus – No DQ – World Heavyweight Championship vs. Contract
Sting and Magnus had a little back and forth, but obviously the main part of the match didn’t kick off until Dixie showed up with EC3. Then it was an all out war between Sting, Joe and Magnus, EC3, Spud, Bad Influence, Zema Ion and Bobby Roode.
Clearly this was the match that got peoples interest as Genesis Part Two had the highest TV Ratings Impact has had in over a year.
Sting battled on, but at every turn he was met with another obstacle. Until of course Magnus dropped him with the Driver and Dixie forced Earl Hebner to count the three.
Magnus held his Championship up high and tore Sting’s contract up in front of him.
I suppose the big question is what happens now, clearly this Investor Story is going to bring Sting back, and Jeff Hardy, and probably, let’s be honest, AJ Styles.
Now this could turn out to be Jeff Jarrett and his new promotion, or linked to it, with this Investor changing things in TNA and pulling power away from Dixie. Or Jeff Jarrett could have literally left the company.
What I do know though is that it’s exciting. Even if it is MVP revealed next week, I look forward to where this Story is going, the aftermath of Sting “leaving” TNA and the Wolves’ in-ring debut.
For us lucky enough to live in the UK – Challenge will Air this week’s Impact from Glasgow LIVE as it happens, before anywhere else!
So tune in!