Well it’s not Christmas Eve anymore, but then it’s not the New Year yet also, so it’s time to end the year with a bang! Least, from my perspective currently whilst Writing this blog, I hope it ends with a Bang. Not like my computer blows up, or someone knocks on the door or something, more like I hope this is a good one!
It’s been an Amazing Year folks, and thanks go out to all of those whom have Read my many ramblings in my first full year of doing this. It has flown by to be honest, and for anyone who wants to get into Writing and keeping up to date, then telling yourself you’re going to Cover a Weekly show is the way to do it. They provide the material, you sit back and make fun, and huzah! Let your Three Readers at best roll in to witness it all.
Well it’s soon to be a New Year, and like everyone, The Jobber Blogger hopes it brings new heights! And with certain plans in my pockets, who knows what might happen! Of course, until then, it’s time to do this for the consecutive Eighty Third time!
TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 26/12/13
I suppose before we kick it into “Covering the Show” let’s plug Total Nonstop Rewind’s / Jobber Blogger presented – “Best of 2013”. Each day for the next week a new Category will go up on www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind where you can view, comment and vote on your favourites from the chosen Nominees. So go get yourself over there now!
Speaking of best new comers, Nominee 2013: Rockstar Spud kicked off Impact this week, with new Entrance theme… even less Rockstar than before. I think it’s time for a name change. Spud as a name is something I despise, I knew a guy named Spud.. so it’s degraded because of that, my other half knew a different guy named Spud, a girl I went to Uni with got nicknamed Spud, so yeah, I despise the name a little. But you know what, Rockstar Spud has a lot of qualities to best resemble “Spud”. I once created a Wrestler back in the old “Smackdown” games called “Neon”. He was a “Edge” inspired guy, mixed with GTA: Vice City, which the Magazine spread I was reading had a whole article on how the 80’s Neon Glow of the City set the stage and tone of the Game. So then Neon was born, and he was kinda crappy. I liked the idea, but he needed a make-over, so he became Neon Red, and Dark Neon, etc, each persona carried his abilities and general theme, but over time his look and attitude changed (as it so does in Wrestling) and his name was versatile enough to make the transition with him. He then became “Devil Neon” to team with my top CAW – Wild Thing and they sported similar looks. Till of course, inevitably they broke up as a Team and were forced to battle each other over who keeps the image. Wild Thing won, being the original (though it literally could have gone either way) so poor Neon had to once again go under a new style, and lose the one gimmick that brought him success. And so he became Poisneon a mix on neon and poison, and re-branded himself ala Sting. A look which proved very successful.
Okay, so I shall stop talking about the insane amount of Hours I spent on my own Make Believe Wrestling Federation, where I filled every single available Create-A-Wrestler slot, and spent so many hours planning storylines and what not. My Nerdiness runs much, much deeper into my history of “Wrestling Federations”, I had Draws and Draws full of Wrestling Figures, and I used to plan out my Storylines “years” in advance, (a month was like a Week to me, so I get through a year pretty quickly). I then used to plan out RAW and SmackDown with matches, and interview slots, all of it to make sense for the right title changes and storyline development. I had many Note-Books full of PPV’s then when it got to the PPV, I used to set up my Tape-Recorder and do running commentary on it. I had a pile of CD’s on my left with my CD Player, I knew every track for which Theme, I knew every last Second of the Songs for the Right Entrance Music to the perfect “Winning Theme” point in the song. I had a load of Tissue Paper to elastic band round my desk light to create the right lighting for the Wrestlers. I had rolls and rolls of PVC tape I used to customise my figures for the right Wrist Tape and new Ring-Gear. I even made (with help) real fabric T-shirts for when I pushed my low-card guys to the Main Events. I had loads of elastic to make new and nifty Ring-Ropes, and I had loads of blocks of Polystyrene to create these huge (one of a kind) Stages for my PPV’s every Month. Well, top that off with my Video Game (CAWs) and eFed’s, then I think you get a pretty good idea of how Wrestling obsessed I was.
My figure Storylines peaked when I “retired / fired / quit” some of the guys from the WWE, and I had customised many of my old Figures to match the TNA guys, because back then Jaxxs made the WWE figures, and Matel I believe did the TNA ones (like the old WCW ones) so they did not match in size. So I customised the likes of Abyss, AJ Styles, Raven, Ron Killings, BG James, I retired Jeff Hardy, bought a new DDP, everything was getting ready for this big TNA Invasion and then I grew up. Change that with (I didn’t want to be embarrassed) and you have the real answer. So my TNA love goes back many, many years too. I really should get a job in the Wrestling Industry.
So anyway Rockstar Spud kicked off Impact this week with new music, how the hell did I get on that rant? Oh yes, name change. Spud suits him, Rockstar not so much anymore. I think if he went through “Changes / Gimmicks” Spud can stay intact, and he go back to being a Rockstar, and he can be Chief Spud, or something like that. It’s a Mick Foley esk character change, that works amazingly well. Mick himself put it best when he reverted back to Cactus Jack in time for his infamous Street Fight with HHH nearly 14 years ago!!!!! o.O
He went from Mankind to being Cactus Jack, and all he really did was “take off his shirt” but it’s the legacy and mind set he established with each gimmick that made him a New Character, and that Character was capable of different things. It’s an awesome idea that has only ever been done with Mick in Wrestling to any success. Not that Spud is the right guy for it, but that idea could certainly carry.
Spud was out to introduce the “Woman Responsible for everything” who is the equivalent of “Lady Gaga, Santa Clause and Queen Elizabeth” rolled into one. Which is strange, because Dixie Carter came out, and I was expecting someone more like
The running Gag being that Dixie had this big “Announcement” or in reality (a desperate struggle for Ratings) but before she could announce it, Jeff Hardy headed to the ring.
Jeff didn’t really have much to say, just going on about how he doesn’t care about Dixie, and Dixie’s “Champion” and blabbing on endlessly about being sick of everything. Spud however got in the face of Hardy, which is the more noteworthy part of Hardy’s involvement, noteworthy more so because I wrote it down in my notes. Still, Hardy throttled and threatened Spud, which is when EC3 attacked Hardy.
Dixie then went to finally make her announcement when Sting got involved. Sting’s whole point was that he is also “Sick and tired of these entitled punks” and demanded a match against them.
Which is where Dixie rejected the match, then made the match, and took credit for it. So that’s cool. The match being Sting and Hardy against Spud and EC3.
Gunner was then next in line to disrupt Dixie, wanting to Cash-In his World Title Shot against Magnus, but alas, Magnus was “abroad celebrating”.
And then Storm got involved stating Gunner owed him and wanted a Match for the Briefcase.
Storm is now getting more paranoid that Gunner was the one who tipped off Bobby Roode that he was in that Bar, and led to Storm getting beaten down, then got his ass kicked in the match with Roode, till Gunner “threw in the towel” Either way, Dixie agreed to letting Storm and Gunner fight it out for the Briefcase, and that being punishment for Gunner interrupting her, and therefore she isn’t going to make the announcement till later on in the show.
James Storm vs. Gunner – World Heavyweight Championship Shot – Briefcase
What do you call this Stipulation?
Anyway, the opening of Impact was actually pretty good, I liked the chaotic-ness of it all. Sure it was a tad anti-climatic but it worked well.
I was just about to get into this match, after noting Gunner is wearing is Iron Maiden attire again. Till of course, Tragedy struck.
I went to get comfy and inadvertently kicked my empty bowl of Noodles sending a stream of “Noodle Juice” across my carpet. The whole was like a horrible flash back to I believe Undertaker vs. Mark Henry many years ago on Smackdown (soon after he reverted back to the Deadman).I ran down in the commercial break to get a glass of milk and dropped the Milk… I have never, ever, seen anything like the mess it made. I literally covered every single Kitchen Cupboard in Milk. I just looked around with dripping Milk everywhere. The whole floor…. MILK! It’s safe to say I missed the match cleaning it up.
Least this time round I just pressed Pause, and cleaned the Carpet. But while I was at it, I figured I might as well get another Mug of Tea. Now I have this HUGE Mug, and trying to stir my boiling hot tea proved to be just as problematic. For I ended up dropping the Tea-Spoon into my mug, so to stir it, I needed the spoon, to get the Spoon I had to stick my fingers in boiling hot tea. Of course the Spoon is Metal, so even when I got the Spoon, it was boiling hot and I dropped it back in the Tea,…. many, many times. Sure I could have got another Spoon, or used a cloth or something. But you know what, screw it! I was determined to do it, and suffer! God Damn You Noodle Juice!
I since learnt you say that 3 Times in a Mirror and nothing happens. Maybe.
In the end though, Gunner Speared Storm through the ropes, and right then you could see how it was going to end. But alas, Storm bounced Gunner’s head into the Steel Steps when Hebner counted them both out. Funny how normally they do it so everyone pays attention, but when they want people to get counted out, they do it as quietly as possible. Still, it didn’t end there as Storm and Gunner carried on beating each other up.
But I don’t know if that’s such a good match for Storm, as Taz quite clearly said, Gunner is built like a “Brick Sh*t House”…. now that’s a Lego Set kids wouldn’t want for Christmas.
Brooke and Bully shared a nice little segment, which might actually have been my favourite from this week’s show. It started with Brooke approaching Bully backstage and claiming to have not heard from him in weeks, and “Who is this?” she asks about his current persona. She then threatens to tell the World all his little secrets, to which he says “that’s not a good idea”.
But she goes to the ring anyway, she is now a “bimbo” or at best I could gather by her current gimmick. She’s always been a weird mix of awesome and slutty. And funny enough depending on where you stand on those boundaries, you will either find her entirely awesome or entirely slutty. Still, with new music she has ditched the “Don’t Mess with Tess” and become this more “biker ish, sort of, groupie”. But, I quite like it.
I think now is the perfect time for her to ditch the “Tessmacher” it’s been gone since she just became “Brooke” with The Aces and Eights, but just let her be Brooke Adams, it’s a good name.
Still, she refused to be held accountable for the demise of The Aces and Eights, even though she threw the Hammer, which Anderson caught and that led to his Victory, all of it was Bully’s plan, it just didn’t “go to plan”.
Bully then came out, with his 2003 Undertaker look
Bully quickly went from the Clay Morrow running the Club (minus the awesome ideas and great planning) and quickly has become the Clay Morrow with no club mooching around doing nothing.
Brooke encourages Bully to “Tell the Truth” which, who knows what that is. But what’s actually rather awesome is when Brooke shed light on the fact that she has watched him “Destroy and lose everything”. Bully is left with no Heavyweight Championship, no Club, no Brother, no Family, and that’s actually yet another really cool Character Development. Even if it is a little bit “AJ Styles”.
The fact she compared Bully to a “Weird High-School Kid with no Friends” is what topped the Segment for me. Now there’s a good Wrestling Gimmick they haven’t fully explored.
Bully then of course stole the segment by saying he doesn’t blame Brooke because “you’re not much in the Brains Department” “Kept you around for other uses, but you weren’t much good at those either”. The little “sometimes when we were together I used to picture Brooke number one” was an excellent cheap shot. Though Bully has one final use for Brooke, and that’s to spread his word.
Which is when the Segment got really good, and weird, and kinda cheesy as they played this ominous dark tone whilst Bully spoke about how “Evil” and “Sinister” he is, and that it’s only going to get “A lot Worse”.
So whatever they are building to with Bully should be awesome, no doubt going in a more Hardcore Direction, which seems fitting. Perhaps Tommy Dreamer plays into that with their match coming up soon on TNA’s One Night Only PPV.
Joseph Park vs. Bad Influence – Monsters Ball Match
If I can find it, I shall embed the Awesome Video Package they ran before this match. It was a great look at the whole Joseph Park / Abyss storyline, but it’s certainly running dry, which is why I fear they have just kicked it into over-drive to get it done with. Of course the bad side of that is I don’t think it will have reached its potential. Which is TNA’s greatest quote “It’s good… never reaches its Potential though”.
I’ve been saying it for years, TNA have great ideas and terrible execution with an even worse pay off.
EY got Park to enter with Abyss’ music, but they kept Joseph Park’s video. So that made a whole deal of sense.
Park kept Janice close, till of course Bad Influence knocked her out of Park’s hands, which is when they just beat him down for the majority of the match.
Speaking of beating things down, or even beating things in. Here’s a good plug for IGN’s Let’s Play with Christopher Daniels!…. yep, the whole wording of Beating, and then a title of “Let’s Play with Christopher Daniels” certainly paints a rather bleak image in one’s head.
IGN – Christopher Daniels – Let’s Play
Kaz was about to smash Park over the head with a Steel Chair till Daniels stopped him, so they didn’t make Park bleed, hence not bringing out his “Abyss mode”, strange how they’ve only just come to this conclusion a year later, and only because Eric Young pointed it out.
It was all a little odd, it mixed humour with this weird type of horror story thing. Obviously in the end Park tried to run away from Kaz and Daniels who were just beating him down till Eric Young came out to encourage Park. Though EY’s best efforts of “making him bleed” didn’t work out, in the end Kaz swung the Kendo stick which EY dodged and it busted Park open badly, sending him into Abyss mode.
Park then won the match with Blood everywhere and picked up Janice. So I don’t know if that means he is Abyss, or he has found Abyss or what. It didn’t involved barbed wire or thumb tacks, it didn’t really do a lot.
The thing is, if Park is only sent into this “Abyss” mode by seeing his own blood, why would you want to revert him back? Also if you want it to be a permanent thing, how is that going to work. Personally I think EY should just hit him over the head with different things to see which worked till it did. Though a weird mash up of a crazy Joseph Park with Abyss would be good. If the whole experiment went in a complete different direction and they made a hybrid, unstable, monster that tore through everything and everyone. That would be cool. I should write this show, I’ve got years of experience with Toys.
Lei’D Tapa (w/Gail Kim) vs. ODB
Gone are the days of “The Unstoppable Force meets The Immovable Object” like the great Hogan / Andre battle. Nope, Taz summed this one up as “King Kong vs. OctoPussy” so that says a lot.
Before I go off into a semi-rant, let’s cut to the finish, Gail Kim slid the Knockouts Championship in the ring, which distracted the Ref, so when ODB picked up Lei’D Tapa to slam her, Gail pulled ODB’s hair and Tapa fell on top of her and got the victory.
I put “Weak” and underlined it twice.
Now what I mean by that, is Lei’D Tapa is built like a Female Wrestler we haven’t seen before. Sure we’ve had our Chyna’s and Awesome Kong’s and I’m sure there are similar Wrestlers like Tapa out in the indies. But on Television, Lei’D Tapa is “SOMETHING DIFFERENT”. For my money she’s better than Kong, she is built like the perfect giant, Amazon type. The way Matt Morgan was a giant built like a perfect Man, Tapa is the exact right proportion she should be, she’s just really Big. Now that makes her an attraction.
When she debuted she started by taking out all of the Knockouts with ease, now that was awesome. Then they made her Gail’s lackey and she’s been rather terrible ever since. Sure she would just be a Female in Squash matches, but the fact that Gail needed to help Tapa win? Now that makes her look incredibly Weak. The fact Madison Rayne beat Gail Kim last week, what the hell does that do for Lei’D Tapa.
You are going to have to flick a switch to be able to build her into what she is naturally built as. To say this was THE meeting between both Tapa and ODB it was forgettable. They should have devoted time to build it as a feud, to actually have suspense around their encounter. They missed every opportunity and in the process just flat lined Tapa’s potential.
During the show we had a “Rise of Magnus” video package that was Magnus talking about his journey to where he is now. It was one of those weird “Shoot / Work” videos, where he had genuine gripes of is shaky start and years spent to get somewhere. Mixed with the Work angel of his new Heel persona and cashing in on that opportunity to become the World Champion. With Magnus set to appear next week on Impact, I personally want to see him be full out Heel, new Music, new look, new attitude. I half suspect he will be, but time will tell.
Jeff Hardy and Sting vs. Ethan Carter the Third and Rockstar Spud and The Bromans (w/Zema Ion)
No you didn’t read that wrong, and yes you probably already watched the Show. Dixie finally made her announcement which if that got people to stay tuned to Impact and didn’t want to, then no, it was not worth their time. She purely said Magnus will be here next week. And then announced that The Bromans will be teaming with EC3 and Spud in this Handicap match.
Throughout the night Jeff has been a little off, Sting was trying to get him fired up, but Jeff didn’t seem to be biting. Then we saw him on the phone with his Wife Beth where he said “I need to do this”.
Anyway, Jeff hit a Senton Dive over the Ropes to take out everyone, so it made up for it. Also have I mentioned how good The Bromans are now that Zema is with them. I miss his DJ Desk, the idea of him making stupid noises and shouting out over the match is a highlight I want to see every week.
I guess the main story is that EC3 avoided fighting Sting, Spud avoided doing anything, which they are building this thing about Spud not actually being a capable Wrestler. Which I like, the work they’ve done with Spud in a matter of weeks has really paid off. He is perfect for this Role, and to have him seem like the “incapable” Wrestler is perfect. I never knew Steven Richards could Wrestle, I didn’t know that at all when Right to Censor first came on the scene. So to some, they won’t know anything about Spud, though Spud was Wrestling with the TNA guys 8 years ago in the UK, he’s been on the circuit a long time.
In the end though, Sting was cleaning house when EC3 caught him in a Roll Up from Behind and got the win. Which of course just annoyed Sting further, though with EC3 having a World Tag-Team Title Shot, I guess it’s quite obvious that Spud could indeed be his Partner. What is more interesting though is that they are friends with the Bromans, the Champions, so how they will resolve that issue will be interesting. It could be to turn Bromans Face if they refuse to “lose” to Dixie’s “boys”.
And then the show ended with Jeff apologising to Sting for last week, and for tonight. And did his really awkward screaming “I’m not buying into a single word your saying” speech where he said Dixie is driving him crazy (funny, because he went to meet with her two weeks ago, and clearly didn’t realise she was different then). He said he wants to Fight, but has no Fight left, and that he has Wrestled his Last Match for TNA – and then regrettably added “Until the Sun Shines on this Great Kingdom Once More!”. So much for going out with your head held high, just ruined a good speech.
Either way, this is the news that got people in a huff on the Internet about Jeff leaving TNA. The very idea someone in that crowd witnessed that Speech and thought he was actually leaving and it wasn’t storyline, just Baffles my mind. It is quite obviously Storyline and Jeff will be back at some point. Probably with AJ Styles, Chavo Guerrero, Sting maybe and Jeff Jarrett.
As they assemble to battle Dixie’s Power Trip. Hell, Hogan might even show up… hopefully not though, I don’t really miss him.
Here is my problem though, sure this whole TNA Originals vs. Dixie Carter Power Trip thing is an awesome idea. Though it is still an invading Faction esk Idea. The bigger problem comes with the fact that having The Good Guys run the show is not anyway near as good as having the Bad Guys run the show. Dixie’s Heel Run has been some of the best work TNA has done, period. She is a great catalyst for everyone else to work off from, the friction between her and AJ was great. When Anderson came back and she was getting him arrested was awesome, shame that has died down. Hogan in charge was a little bit of a bore, so was Sting. So this is great currently. And she has EC3 and Spud who can take an Ass Kicking for her.
Still, whatever that are working towards excites me! And it should excite you too!
See you all in the New Year!