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The Jobber Blogger #84 – TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 2/1/14

Jobber Blogger logo2

Welcome to a Brand New Year! And unlike the opening sentence, nope there is nothing new at all about this blog. Well aside from the fact that it is written about this week’s TNA: Impact of course.

I do hope everyone enjoyed their New Year celebrations, and given my opening Paragraph said there was nothing new, there actually is! No better way than to start the year with a double bluff! Happy New Year! Got you, it’s only 11:57pm! In the face, in the drink and down the stairs!

So yes, News! I like news, it’s interesting, entertaining and oh wait, I don’t actually watch the news. I do however keep up to date with Wrestling “news” and Video Game news, and then that about covers my Worldwide knowledge of global happenings. A possible Guardians of the Galaxy or new Spider-Man Cartoon? I’m in! Take that War!

Well it’s officially taken me 3 attempts to spread the news, The Jobber Blogger is expanding! From this point on his words of wisdom and cultural disdain will spread the IGN Blogs to CageAmateurs UK (Strike/Tap and Grapple) and now onto the new Sandy Shores of TheSteelChair.com

Bring on 2014 like a Flying Wad of Cashing straight into the pocket! I’m selling out!

Impact Wrestling Logo

TNA: IMPACT WRESTLING – 2/1/14

Yep, it’s the first show of 2014 says TNA, but it’s not though really is it. This was filmed over a Month ago. And so is next weeks, so don’t go spoiling it for yourselves. If you want a lovely way to stay up to date with TNA News, head on over to facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind and call in on the TheSteelChair.com for articles about said news! And eat your way out of that Holiday Depression!

Apparently I found the opening video of Impact rather funny this week, though I don’t remember why, so excuse me whilst I refresh my memory. And now I’m back! I feel like how I imagine Lindsay Lohan feels after she awakens from yet another desperate attempt to further her career, yet can’t remember the night before and searches for it on the Internet.

Impact’s opening Video was a strange mixture of Comedy meets Excellence. No, you can’t have both. With such phrases like “From the United Kingdom, that means, He’s British!” “To rule under Dixie, forever, and ever, amen”. What kind of weird thing is this.

Ah, alas the humour is wasted unless presented in a Visual form. Maybe…. nah.

So Kurt Angle kicked off Impact this week, and I guess he’s suffering from a Lindsay Lohan situation to, for he didn’t seem sure of his own name and perhaps feared people had forgotten it also. “My name is Kurt Angle”, ah, the whole thing reeks of Scripted Television.

Kurt Angle is my name

Angle felt 2013 was the worst year of his Career, and in order, I quote “Beatings from The Aces and Eights and Personal Problems”. Well The Aces and Eights was a storyline and therefore your Job, the personal stuff he did on his own. Either way Bobby Roode soon crashed the segment hoping Kurt was about to “Hang-Up his Boots” but much to everyone’s dismay, he didn’t.

No, instead they made a Steel Cage Match for Genesis, Angle vs. Roode, if Roode wins Angle must leave and never accept the TNA Hall of Fame induction. So I guess this time, Angle will actually Win. Though who knows, maybe Roode will. Either way I feel Angle will be inducted into the Hall of Fame this year and therefore this whole Storyline resulted in a way that they had another Year under their belts to think of who else they could induct, seeing as they have no-one else. Obviously they have tons of guys who should be there, but they are in their Prime, it’s more of a “end of career” thing. Still Roode and Angle closed it out with a fight, coz it’s Wrestling and that’s what they do. So Rockstar Spud made a Tag-Team match where they both get to chose their Partners.

Gail Kim (W/Lei’D Tapa) vs. Madison Rayne

So it’s another Open Challenge, but I’m sure the rules were to anyone outside of TNA, and Madison is on the Roster (I presume). That’s why Gail didn’t fight ODB under the Open Challenge ruling, so it makes no sense. Still, Tapa had an expression on her face like she was ready to beat down on Gail Kim…

Tapa uh oh

Either that, or she just suddenly had the biggest Bowel Movement of her life. That means Poop. How Big you say?

Tapa This Big

As normal, I made very few notes during this match. I wrote down that Madison has improved in the ring… I hear being Pregnant will do that to you. Also as I wrote down “she has improved” she made an error in the ring. But still, the main statement rings true. Not sure if she works as a Face yet though.

The main note I made was that her Outfit sucks. It’s like she’s trying to hide something, perhaps after becoming a Mother she realised that she was hitting Middle Age and rushed off down to her local Tattoo shop to cash in on a nifty Drawing of her Favourite Nolan-Batman Villain.

Madison tattoo

I can’t wait for the New Batman movies, Nolan’s films were rather dull. But without going on a big rant, let’s all just agree that Nolan is hugely over-rated.

In the end however, Madison managed to Pin Gail once more by countering her Eat Defeat into a Backslide and winning.

Chris Sabin (w/Velvet Sky) vs. Austin Aries – X-Division Championship – Rematch

I haven’t really thought about this before, but if Aries beat Sabin for the belt, Sabin cashed in a Rematch, won the belt back, therefore Aries shouldn’t have a Rematch? Right? Because otherwise they will be in a continual loop. Unless of course Aries was “screwed” out of the Title.

Sabin and Velvet continue to show how bad of a couple they are. To be honest, I didn’t need to see Sabin treat her badly for me to come to that conclusion. Just put Velvet Sky next to Chris Sabin and it looks like a mismatch. Velvet is attractive of course, but then the Tramp Stamp and sluttiness of her character degrade that, pair that up with how she looks outside of the ring and she looks worse, then I think Sabin is the type of guy who shouldn’t be with that kind of girl. Being the old Nerd / Popular Girl thing. Then on the other hand, Velvet does seem like a nice person, and Sabin has scruffy hair and a fuzzy face and really is a rather weird looking chap. And it’s like what’s going on?

The Story of this match is that Sabin wants to win with the Championship, and he wants Velvet to help him win, and if he doesn’t leave with the Championship after this match, then he will leave without her.

Aries was cooking on all cylinders, but then, he always does. And here’s a lovely Plug for my up and coming Best of TNA 2013 article, featuring my chosen “Match of The Year Nominees”

match nom

Aries hit his fast paced hard hitting Corner Dropkick on Sabin, and rather than capitalising as he always does, he shouted at Velvet to climb on the apron, which she did and Sabin then Low-Blowed Aries and Won back the X-Division Championship.

My problem with that is the whole Sabin seems fine after getting the Drop-Kick. Aries would have hit the Brain Buster by now, and yet Sabin spent the time just telling Velvet to do something rather than selling the move he would normally do. I get it from a Story-Telling perspective, it just breaks the flow.

Sabin then went on to Congratulate himself, which I commend.

Samuel Shaw vs. Norv Fernam

Well yet again Norv has awesome music, I couldn’t find it however and instead ended up watching more Clips of Brock Lesnar’s baby scream from Raw.

You know, Norv and Dewey had a far greater introduction to TNA than EC3 did, it was much more creative. Samuel Shaw, I think he is best summed up as “Meh” currently. He was “Meh” before, so I get the whole idea of letting him get some air-time as a new Gimmick. Seeing as the whole “Surf’s Up Dude” thing didn’t work for him, or Christian York. Least Shaw was somewhat more impressive in the ring, though I also don’t care. But he certainly has a Crazy Face, and if that’s what it takes to have a good career in Wrestling then so be it. I suppose a weird smart dressed Wrestler who has a crazy face and stalks Women is a new gimmick… right? I still think it would be far funnier if he carried around a Drawing Pad and coloured crayons and drew “dark / scary” pictures when he met people he didn’t like.

But Taz and Tenay did at least managed to mention that Shaw is a good Drawer, something which I seemed to have forgotten was relevant to being a Wrestling Fan.

It was your basic Squash match, though Shaw won with a Submission victory, so that’s at least nice to see a new Submission used to hopefully give him the wins.

scary picture

 Kurt Angle and Gunner vs. Bobby Roode and James Storm

I can’t help but feel they did this “Beer Money” reunion the wrong way, I suppose it’s probably because Roode is supposed to still be viewed as a Heel, and having the Crowd on his Side takes it away from Goody Too Shoes Angle. You know what I would like to see, I want Gunner to be proven right in the end, and that Storm is a paranoid dude who didn’t get that Gunner was trying to do nice things for him and Storm snaps and uses a Beer Bottle to smash over Gunner’s head to either win the Briefcase from him, or the Championship, putting Storm in the same shoes Roode once was. That could be a good catalyst to bury the grudge between Roode and Storm and be the starting of a Beer Money reunion properly. Just spit ballin’.

Gunner is becoming increasingly good, I like his look, I like his Ring Jacket. I like how he fired himself up smashing his face into the Turnbuckle. I think something really big could come from his potential. I said it from the get go, this pairing with Storm was to mould Gunner.

But that doesn’t put Storm in a good position though after Gunner is established.

I still feel strongly that Storm is in need of a Heel Turn, he was a good Heel, and he’s been dragging his Spurs on the ground for too long.

Angle never got the Tag in the match, as it was dominated by Roode and Storm, the whole match was weird having Face and Heel teaming on each side, they couldn’t go too far with Storm and Roode breaking the rules, especially if Angle was in the ring. Still Angle eventually had, had enough and tore it down with German Suplexes, Gunner then picked up Bobby Roode to finish him off with the “Gun-Rack” which then left him open for Storm to hit The Last Call Superkick on Gunner and Roode dropped him with his Death Valley Cutter thing I wish he named already, and Storm and Roode picked up the win.

They didn’t “Beer Money out” I assume to leave a gap between the Heel / Face of both guys, but it was a nice little match. The Gunner / Storm story is shaping up well also.

EC3 hit the ring to continue his “Winning Streak” after proclaiming to have changed the Wrestling industry. Which isn’t a good thing as most people who aren’t fans of TNA seem to Loath EC3. But seeing as Jeff Hardy left TNA last week, EC3 apparently contacted him via Twitter and Challenged him to a Match tonight, Jeff’s music played, but alas he didn’t make it to the ring, so EC3 counted him out. A clear sign Hardy obviously isn’t done with the Company, weird as Hardy’s role is linked the AJ’s and with Jarret leaving, it all just seems too suspicious for my liking.

Still, it wasn’t that Hardy didn’t want to accept the Challenge, as a matter of fact the only reason he didn’t make the Match was because he was on a Flight back to North Carolina at the time. To his credit though, he did attempt to leave the plane mid flight.

Jeff PlaneSting got in EC3’s face once more, taking a page out of Storm’s book and making everything “his business”. Sting just called EC3 a LapDog and wanted to Fight him. And eventually with the help of the Crowd EC3 accepted Sting’s Challenge for Genesis.

Bully Ray vs. Joseph Park

I am glad they actually addressed this, EY booked this match for Park given that it was 2 years ago this Week that saw Bully Ray vs. Abyss in a Monsters Ball where Bully led Abyss outside, and he disappeared from there on out. Leaving to Joseph Park turning up, etc. So it does appear that there might be answers to that question at the end of this Story somewhere. So I am optimistic currently!

Bully told Park before the match that he would hate to see him Burn for the Sins of Anderson, and in the match Bully just sprayed “lighter fluid” all over Park till Anderson turned up. Bully then sprayed “lighter fluid” all over Anderson and threatened to set him on Fire, then Bully left. So.. that was strange… but good also.

Which of course brings us to Magnus’ Coronation!

Spud did the main Introduction which was awesome, he’s really good in this role as Chief of Staff. Though it did drag a little bit toward the end…. then EC3 did yet another Introduction, which I have no idea why, that dragged even more and ruined the whole start of the Coronation.

Dixie then finally came out after two introductions and told the Story about how she found Magnus / Signed him and proud of him to represent her Company as her World Champion, so Magnus finally came out, after three introductions.

Magnus skipped the Usual heel turn promo “Why, Magnus, Why?” crap, though did fall into the “The Fans turned their backs on me!” crap. Who cares, I hate this thinking that “Bad Guys” need “Reasons”.

Gunner then crashed the Coronation demanding his World Championship Match, but that just led to Spud, EC3 and Magnus beating down on Gunner, and with Gunner pinned down Magnus was ready to hit him with the TNA World Championship when AJ Styles finally  came back.

It was a little on the nose with AJ’s return to TNA, very expected. Even if I didn’t know it happened before hand or not. AJ and Magnus shared words but at least Magnus still has a sense of Pride and accepts to fight AJ next week to determine the Official TNA: World Heavyweight Champion.

A clumsy ending, the pay off was still good, hopefully will be more so next week.

I can’t wait for Genesis so TNA isn’t airing things that happened ages ago, and we can keep up to date with it as it happens.

Till then.

 

Dan Wilkinson.

www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopRewind

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