Monday Night Raw #1057: August 26, 2013!!!
Welcome back once again to another edition of the Infamous Informer cussing your favourite wrestlers, dreams of f**k!n a WWE diva, and laughing at anything Vincent Kennedy does!! Smack Talk Centre, Cage Amateurs UK, lets say hello to our friends over at Powerbomb Pro Wrestling News! Yes your boy is now down with the team! You know why? Because he makes sh!t happen!!!
OK! Fried Chicken in hand! Me ready for some joke!!! RAW #1057! HOLD DAT – BLAOW!!!
So if I kiss up Stephanie and feel her breasts, will I get a spanking new carrier like Randall Orton? I gotta try that! Come here Stephanie let me see you Twerk it baby…. If I spank her Triple might get me a new PS3! F**K That – Get me a PS4 with WWE2K14!!!
NO TRIPLE YOU DON’T SING ‘WISH UPON A STAR’ TO DANIEL BRYAN!!!! That is some funny sh!t!!!! Now Danielson has gotta run the gauntlet to add-on to his punishment for disrespecting Stephanie last week… and if he’s successful, he gets Randall for the WWE title at Night of Champions… THE GRANT SAYS THIS: Danielson, I don’t think you’re gonna make it!!! (BOOOOOOOOO!!!) what do you mean boo??? If the mighty Austin couldn’t run the gauntlet way back when what chance does Danielson get???
NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE PLAYAZ!!! We can’t have Sandow, The Miz, Fandango and Rhodes fighting for no reason??? Let’s make this a TAG TEAM MATCH!!!! Summer Rae is sexy as f**k, but who is the woman dancing with The Miz???? REVEAL YOUR IDENTITY!!!
OH SNAP!!! It’s Rosa Mendes!!!! Sorry my stream isn’t all that great… GOD DAYUUUUUUM!!! I’m sorry Summer Rae, but Rosa speaks Spanish…. game over love!!!! If I f**k Summer she will scream out passionately, but Rosa speaks Spanish so when she screams ‘Your d!ck is so big n!**@!!!!’ I know which one I’d pick!!!
Oh dear!!!! If I was Curtis Axel, I’d make sure that my wrestling skills are the absolute best, because if he fails to defeat CM Punk, the WWE fans have voted that Paul Heyman must go in the ring and get BUSS ARSE!!!! I know what I would do if I was Punk…. I’d make sure there is plenty steel chairs and kendo sticks and a table underneath the ring! Brukk up Heyman’s blousecup!!!
Lyric of the night by JBL: “If Rihanna & Chris Brown can get back together so can CM Punk & Paul Heyman!” I believe that 100%!!!!! Who thought Austin & McMahon would ever work together after WrestleMania X-SEVEN??? A grand total of NOBODY!
OH SNAP!!!! Axel failed!!!!!! RUN HEYMAN RUN!!! Not even Brock can save you now!!!! HEYMAN YUH GOOSE COOK NOW!
Or maybe not!!!! Axel just punched Punk right in Chicago!!! Dayuuuuum Lita no sweet lovin for you tonight! Look on Heyman’s face when he draws out the handcuffs….. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!! Axel sends for the kendo stick and this had me in stitches! Paul Heyman smashed it here! ‘I CARED ABOUT YOU’! BLAOW! with the stick! ‘I LOVED YOU!’ BLAOW! ‘I FATHERED YOU!’ BLAOW!!! and since Michael Cole, Lawler & JBL are pu$$!£$ on commentary, I’ll say it in honor of JR… HE BEAT HIM LIKE A GOVERNMENT MULE! FOR GOD SAKES!!! OH COME ON!!! THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Hey JoJo!!! What’s up girl???? Shame you’re just below my age criteria, come check me in about 5 years!!!
This segment is so LIE!!! Look how many Total Divas there are in the ring, all 7 of em… and you mean to tell me that one gyal (AJ) cusses them all and they all didn’t rush her on stage???? Who wrote this sh!t???? Probably Tyson Kidd… that bwoy is an idiot! He don’t know how to treat a woman right! Next man wanna run up in Natalya’s pum-pum! Tyson is just that – A KIDD!
I don’t understand this… if RVD and Bertie are fighting now, what says the PPV? I’m sorry I’d be throwing stipulations left and right… I hate when WWE do this sh!t!!!
So there you have it… RVD faces ADR, WHC at NOC…. GEDDIT???!!! Come on WWE, drop some Extreme Rules on this sh!t!!!! That’s what RVD is known for! That is that E-C-DUB! FLAVA!!!! Throw a chair at Bertie, drop the Van Daminator Kick – BLAOW!!!
This whole ‘One More Match’ sh!t doesn’t make sense to me, can someone tweet me @MZATheInfamous or send answers on a postcard as to say why Christian is still fighting? Unless he can foresee Randall kicking him in his head?
Oh dear!!!!! Why did you have to do that to Randall’s car? Why did you vandalise his car with YES!!! all over it Danielson???? He didn’t even get to test drive it!!!! Don’t cry like a b!tch Randall… be grateful it was Danielson and not Austin… have you seen what Austin does to people’s cars when he gets bex?
OH SNAP!!! Danielson has done it now!!!! Everyone on the roster are about to bear witness what happens when you f**k around with Randall’s car spraying YES! all over it… and anyone attempts to rush the ring will get fired…. oh dear – Danielson goose cook now!!! But wait!!!! Didn’t Triple used to do that sh!t with HBK back in 2006???
Everytime Zeb Coulter comes out, he makes me f**k!n sick…. trying to say that black people live off welfare and sh!t… I am so glad that Ol’ Dirty Bastard was watching over Titus O’Neill as he buss up those so-called real American bigots… f**k!n racist bastard…
I’m not even gonna try to explain this ‘Sister Abigail’ sh!t… and why should I follow the muthaf***!n buzzards when y’all a bunch of lazy incompetent muthaf***az??? I make sh!t happen! You should be following me!!!! Jazz Kumar you feel me though right!!! So let Mr Wyatt tell the story…
Word up, if you got nothing good to say, best to say nothing at all… and my girl Renée Young tried to get explanations out of Big Show, Dolph Ziggler & The Miz… all three couldn’t say sh!t… yes attitude fans, it’s one of those moments that made you think – that could never run with Austin, Rock and Undertaker… the three of em would speak no matter what! The way Triple Teef is rolling, I can see the entire WWE locker room going on strike… but wait, who would be the logical leader of the rebellion? It would have to be CM Punk! But he’s otherwise pre-occupied! I knew this would happen! Triple TEEF in power… means doomsday for WWE!
HOLY SH!T what a contest between Seth Rollins and Danielson! How often do you see a reverse release superplex off the top ropes???? LAWWWWWWD Seth mash-up surely!!!! But the Shield f**ked up Danielson big time! Did you see the look on Big Show’s face? Dolph Ziggler? Titus O’Neill???? They wanted to f**k up Triple!!! BIG TIME! And they were forced to watch this sh!t go down! All this while Cena & Sheamus are out the game!
…and all because Danielson wouldn’t get in the chair…
IT DON’T GET NO BETTER! STC 4 LIFE…..BEEEEEEEATCHHHHH!
DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE OR POWERBOMB PRO WRESTLING NEWS.