Tag Archives: Zayn

Monday Night Raw #1305, May 28, 2018!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY SEXY LADIES AND WRESTLING JABRONIES!

Do you know what I remember? When Xavier Woods whooped The Miz @$$ on Street Fighter and took his Intercontinental Title! They recently had a rematch…this is what happened…

GRANT BODY-P!

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REQUEST TO JOIN – DON’T BE A POTATO! DON’T BE A TRAGEDY like…THE MIZ! He might be teef in the ring but when it comes to Street Fighter he is wack! he gonna lose his belts, then he gonna lose his woman… REMEMBER I TOLD YA!

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RAW 1305! I’m not tryna be on the YouTube tip… Street Fighter 30th anniversary is out! Don’t let me spend Tuesday watching this wrestling sh!t!

Oh f**k… so I end up watching this wrestling sh!t on a Tuesday and I got the blodclart game… ok let’s get through this as quick as possible…

Wait a minute – Elias almost swore on TV and the producers didn’t catch it!

Looks like you’re gonna sit there all night waiting for the pin drop… but you heard – BURN IT DOWN!!!!! Leave the building Elias… Monday Night Rollins is here!

This week’s contestant: Jinder Mahal. JINDER MAHAL!!! Remember the rules! You must always say his name like that!

Once again Jinder’s bredrin got caught teefin! GET OUUUUUUUUTTTTTT!

JINDER MAHAL TEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!!! he used the steel chair to the gut of Seth Rollins!

Wait a minute – I thought my dude was dashed out of the arena! REF STOP THE MATCH NOW!

Rollins is looking at the chair… he’s thinking f**k it – you f**k with my brudda Double R… I’m gonna f**k YOU UP! F**K THE TITLE MATCH!

Seth is beating this muthaf***a down because he’s so dyam teef!

HOLD UP! ELIAS TEEEEEEEEEEEEEF! He appeared out of nowhere and used the guitar to lick down Rollins! Rollins fell from the announce table off the stage! OH SNAP!!!

Rollins with neck brace wrapped around him, is trying to walk out on his own power! The crowd singing happy birthday to Seth Rollins! YES! It IS HIS BIRTHDAY! Do you think for one minute he can use the bathroom by himself?

GRANT BODY-P!

Unlucky Ascension! They actually put on a good showing against The Deletion Of Worlds…but this sh!t is boring me – I need Wyatt and Matt Hardy to start f**k!n with people… wrestling matches is all well and good but that sh!t means nothing without storyline!

Chad Gable is getting buss arse every week… when the f**k is Jason Jordan gonna show up and help his bredrin?

Question – I’m only seeing what YouTube allows me to – is Kevin Owens doing that sh!t with the camera on live tv what he does on house shows? That would be wild!

AAAH SHEEEEEEEEEEET! BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! He’s not finished with Kevin Owens! He’s gonna KILL!!!

If I was Bobby Roode – I’d get the f**k out too! It’s probably fun watching Kevin Owens get buss arse but this is BRAUN we are dealing with here!

I TOLD YOU!!!! See if that was me I would have haul @$$ to the top of the stage and celebrated at a distance!

He’s gonna be monster in the bank!!! Maybe he will win! It would be the most frightening cash in ever!!! I wouldn’t wanna be the World Wrestling Federation Universal champion let me tell ya! Even if your name is Brock Lesnar!

Finn Balor never lost the belt though! So he should have been up there from marnin!

HOLD UP! Finn Balor just slapped Braun! Oh my god  OHHH MYYYY GODDDDDD!!! YO YO YO!! SOMETHING’S HAPPENING!!!

Just before Braun could destroy Finn Balor… KUUUUUUURTT!!! Had to come out quicktime!

Aaah! So that’s why Braun f**ked up Kevin Owens! Because during this match, Kevin Owens was talking sh!t on the microphone!

Remember boys and girls – this is from YouTube, and the sequence of events are not in order!

…and then Kevin Owens proceeded to go to the ring and f**k up a good match between Strowman and Balor!

LAWWWWWWWWWWWWD!!!! If Owens got ketch by that ladder that Braun dashed after him – it would have been curtains for sure!!!

Sami Zayn is reading a letter of apology to the WWE Universe for his segment last week with Bobby Lashley… yeah that was straight GARBAGE! I’m sure Bobby never signed back up for this!

Is it me or is Sami growing his beard more? Oh my god no Sami! Just because it worked for Harry when he got Meghan doesn’t mean it’s gonna work for you!

GRANT BODY-P!

WHOA! maybe Sami Zayn was sincere! Ok apology accepted – that beard ain’t working for you homes – GET IN THE CHAIR!!!

He claims everything he said about Lashley was true though… last time somebody didn’t apologise for the truth – he got thrown in jail!

What a nice young man in Bobby Lashley! Held out his hand to Sami asking for a match at the Money inna bank… he’s all smiling and sh!t… but then the smile disappears… uh-oh!

He’s crushing the bones in Zayn’s hand! How is Zayn gonna wrestle??? DON’T JUST STAND THERE YOU NINCOMPOOP – STOP HIM!

Women’s Gauntlet Match! winner goes to Money In The Bank…

Hold up – one Bayley to Bayley move later to Liv Morgan and it’s over? Why did these NXT gyal come to main roster in the first place? Unimportant – On to the next one!

WTF? Bayley is making these Riot girls look like b!tches! rolled up Sarah Logan like a pretzel!

ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

Clearly they didn’t like being treated like b!tches, and Ruby Riott picking up the scraps…

Dana Brooke comes on, and 2 second later gets kicked in her head… what is going on here? They might as well do the catwalk , pose, turn back round up the ramp and gone again!

Mickie James didn’t fall for the tricks, but gets her panty pulled for the pin! Come on Mickie look how long you have been in the game and you fall for that?

Sasha Banks, with the most sellotape on her shoulder… had this match won but the Riott Squad tried to teef!

AND THAT’S A TAP FROM THE BANK STATEMENT! Sasha Banks is going to Money In the Bank! I would say that Bayley may cost Sasha going forward but I’m not sure yet…

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I don’t know who that is but GOD DAYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!

Hold up  who is that chick trying to put Nia Jax in the arm bar???? I don’t know who that is but GOD DAYUUUUUUUUUUM!

Nia trying to show Rousey that she’s no match! Rousey is just smiling like – it’s all good!

“If I wanted, this leg could crush a woman’s chest…”

No no no Nia! SAVE THE T!TT!£$!!!!!

Look at Rousey she BEX! But Nia finds it humorous! Maybe Alexa was right – Nia IS THE REAL BULLY!

Now if you excuse me, I’m off to play that old school Street Fighter you get me! Because THAT’S WHAT I DO!!!!

Oh snap – I forgot to talk about this B-team Barbecue… this sh!t is only gonna turn into a food fight… and there are kids – including myself starving!

F**k this – about that Street Fighter game…

 

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DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT OR REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE WWE OR/AND THE SMACK TALK CENTRE.