Monday Night Raw #1264, August 21, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

 

HOLY SMOKES!!! I have watched Brock Lesnar since he broke in 2002… I have never, EVER seen him get f**ked up like that, not even from (in my mind) his most fierce rival – the don of dons – The Undertaker! This, plus Kevin Owens killer line “Where were you? YOU FALL OFF BUILDINGS!” 5 title changes (unlucky Naomi, no shame in losing to Natalya – she is apart of one of the greatest wrestling families ever) Summerslam was wild yo!

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1264! ALEXA BLISS LOST HER TITLE! To quote that Simpsons kid – Ha-haaa!

Steph Raw

I’m not sure if I have the energy to get through the three hours… but Kurt says he has a big announcement… superstar shake up maybe as many of you dirt sheet readers keep bangin on about?

Brock kicks off the show! He will be pacing up and down while Paul be like ‘I told you so!’

The crowd be chanting SUPLEX CITY while you muthaf***az on the internet are complaining about Brock’s scheduled dates! WHO IS THE PROBLEM?

Certainly not this guy – BRAUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! This guy, THIS GUY!!! He just f**ked up Brock AGAIN!!! HOLY SMOKES! 2 thunderous powerslams!!! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!

Enzo Amore Vs Big Cass in a Brooklyn Street Fight? Where Ol’ Dirty at?

AH LIE! Big Cass injured??!!!!! Nah gotta be a work surely? Let me see the replay! Holy smokes!!! Maybe he did mash-up his leg!

Er.. how did Emma change the women’s revolution? What did she doooooooo? Oh yeah – teefing out of walmart! Oh yeah that really changed the game!

GRANT BODY-P!

Nia Jax is gonna killllllll Emma! She says #GiveEmmaCPR? Well THE GRANT SAYS #GiveEmmaSomeC-

OH MY GOD THAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Yes Elias – Brooklyn is a Hip Hop borough – no one wants to hear your country music garbage!

Oh snap! While Elias sason & R-Truth was fighting…

 1h1 hour ago

“like the Terminator, I’ll be back”   Asuka suffers collarbone injury at NXT TakeOver  

THE GRANT SAYS: Sounds like someone needs a massage on her collarbone… I’LL HELP…

GRANT BODY-P!

Here we go! John Cena is the surprise! Remember he is a free agent! He can go on any show! Sorry guys – you don’t get Bobby Roode just yet you fools!

UH-OH!!!! DOUBLE R! You don’t suppose they are gonna start this rivalry now?????

I don’t know what the crowd are chanting right now!

Oh I know now – they chanting UN-DER-TAY-KER!

Oh snap – Double R & John Cena were gonna come to blows and then that idiot Miz just had to ruin the runnings!

What the rarse does Bo Dallas have on???? You ain’t a pimp muthaf***a!

So let me get this right so I can understand this – Booing Cena & Reigns affects The Miz? I dunno – he sounds like a b!tch if you ask me!

Samoa Joe has come to join the party! UH-OH! JOE! JOE! JOE! JOE!

Crowd chanting YOU BOTH SUCK! Directed at Cena & Reigns! Oh dear! What did these guys doooooooo?!!!!!

I just remembered to follow that Kayla Braxton chick on the twitter – God dayuuuuuum – I saw her on Summerslams… Vincent Kennedy knows where all the kriss gyal are at!

Kayla Braxtons

DAYYUUUUUM KAYLA!!! You’re making me HIGGHHHHHHH!!! Baby baby baby – BABY!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Jason Jordan wants to test Finn Balor??? This kid is ambitious isn’t he?

I saw some stupidness on WWE’s YouTube earlier, talking about – what name should Rollins & Ambrose call themselves? THEY ARE THE SHIELD YOU DUMMY!

The Shield Vs  The Hardy Boyz? YES PLEASE!

A great contest between the two teams with the new tag champs victorious! The Hardys continue to lose… how long before they finally become ‘broken’?

OFFICIAL – BROCK LESNAR Vs BRAUN STROWMAN – WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION TITLE AT NO MERCY! Grant & Leva

I am so glad Sasha girl is the champion… one guy in the STC pointed out that Alexa Bliss got thighs… ok she got it going on but I don’t think she can hold a candle to the likes of Becky Lynch, Charlotte and especially not Nia Jax when it comes to thighs!

Mike Cole says Finn Balor was the only dude to stand up to Bray Wyatt’s deranged fighting style – er – hello??? Undertaker???? WrestleMania 31?????

Great effort by a guy I am proud to call ‘Double J’! Never that other idiot who owns the Global Farce Wrestling!

Now that Double R & Cena have mastered the art of not giving a f**k of how the crowd feels, they defeated the annoying Miz and the powerful Samoa Joe. Let the complaining on the internet begin I guess!

 

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1263, August 14, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Ric Flair women 2

I’m gonna keep it 100 with you. This man NEEDS TO PULL THROUGH. When we lost Dusty and Piper, yes they hurt massively, but they never really hurt me much. But this guy? He was my Grandma’s favourite wrestler. Now he’s in hospital and the way I got it figured, if they send Becky Lynch in there to give him the kiss of life – I’m telling you now – he would make a dramatic recovery quicker than John Cena’s return at Royal Rumble 2008.

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1263! SUMMER IS HERE! COME ON RIC – THINK OF THE WOMEN!!!

Steph Raw

Sipping on Rockstar Energy Drink – proud sponsors of Wild1 Radio with an ice cream for later (Sasha vs Nia Jax) LET’S DO THIS SH!T!

I can’t lie, I hated Seth Rollins music… I thought it was generic, but WWE has a habit of making these themes grow on you! Especially with that extra added – BURN IT DOWN!

Maybe it took Sheamus & Cesaro to further convince Deano and Rollins they must combine their force once more. With this knowledge… I CANNOT see Roman Reigns winning the title at this time… because he’s the final component…the question remains – will they come down the stairs at Summerslams?

Nia Jax vs Sasha now? But my ice cream isn’t ready!!! NOOOOOO!!!!

Oh look here now, Miss Ugly Bliss wants to take a closer look… now before you throw stones after me, Do I think Alexa is good-looking? YES. But her personality is ugly as f**k – and Corey Graves – I hear you mention my girl Cersei! Yo Cersei – I heard you like to f**k brothers – why don’t you take on a REAL BROTHA??!!! You think Cersei plays this on her iPhone while sitting on the iron throne?

GRANT BODY-P!

Stupid streams – now I don’t know who is facing Alexa Blitch… but if Wyatt & Finn Balor are fighting later – what does this mean for Summerslam? They gonna put a stipulation sauce on it?

I wasn’t gonna speak on this Enzo/Cass/Big Show angle but damn the Boston crowd do not like Big Cass much do they? They won’t let him speak! Could have been worse – you didn’t retire the Undertaker at WrestleMania!

Er – I don’t get it – why are Anderson & Gallows are beating on the Big Show? did i miss something?

Big Cass is trying to destroy Big Show’s skill? Break his hands so come Summerslam he can’t use the chokeslam or the Sean Price punch?

Tozawa fighting Neville for the World Wrestling Federation Cruiserweight Title? Hmmm! Did they realise there were too many matches set up for Summerslams or is there more to the story?

HOLY SMOKES! Tozawa – NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!! Neville has gotta be bex surely! He’s gonna invoke his rematch clause watch this!

Aaah – Sasha advances then… no surprise there! Oh well Nia, you have a hot date with Shadfather! SUMMER IS HERE!!!

Summerslams

I hope this match ends in some sort of way that forces the Demon King out for the Summerslams!

That’s it? Bray Wyatt hits the Sister Abigail on Balor and wins? It can’t end just like that??? Come on – you’re BRAY WYATT!

OH SNAP! Wyatt just threw a bucket full of ‘blood’ on Balor! Was it pig’s blood? Buzzard blood? Abigail’s blood?! That does it now! Wyatt just went ‘the Brood’ on Balor!

Yay Mickie James & Emma are fighting! If Emma loses again… then I really have to question creative like – what did Emma do to p!$$ Vince off? Oh I get it – she didn’t wanna do the Emmalina sh!t? She didn’t wanna take it out and start?grant-body-p

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“Emma reminds me of a young Booker-T…” Er what the blodclart you ah chat bout bwoy? Mi nah understand that foolishness! Emma lose again! Oh man! It’s gotta be the Emmalina sh!t! THE GRANT SAYS Emma reminds me of a young Hunter Hearst Helmsley – she’s at the bottom of the barrel – anyone would think she did the curtain call!

GRANT BODY-P!

Finn Balor bex! He just said Wyatt will find out that Balor got his demons too! Oh sh!t! Corey Graves is slippin today! “Does that mean what I think that means?” Of course you know muthaf***a!

Wait a second – Revival out with injuries again? They only came back the other day! dem nah ready for the main roster! Send their blodclart back to NXT – bring up the Authors Of Pain! Them mans look MILITANT!

Security surrounding the ring – you think Kurt has hired enough? If we have learned anything in WWE, there is NEVER ENOUGH security!

Bwoy Paul Heyman can chat eeeh? I really cannot call this match. I would like to think that Double R won’t be winning because of the reformation of The Shield, but in a way that doesn’t even come into true effect til around Survivor Series time!

Roman Reigns moves in silence – Spear to Samoa Joe – BLAOW! Strowman & Lesnar ketch – up! Security can’t hold them, WWE superstars can’t hold them, too bad Lesnar didn’t say to Strowman – I’M GONNA KILL YOU! with Strowman replying  YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO!

Sorry for sounding biased but the Lesnar Vs Undertaker feud of 2015 is still the brawl to beat when it comes to sh!t like that!

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1258, July 10, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Roman Wanted Dead or alive

Y’all wrestling fans give me joke! Can ou believe it – y’all hate Roman Reigns so much that when he did that crazy sh!t you want him arrested for attempted murder? Like Braun didn’t try that sh!t a few months earlier? Like H**k H**@n didn’t try that sh!t with The Rock back in 2002? Like Austin didn’t try that sh!t with Triple H back in 2000? Sh!t – take it back further than that – that Brian Pillman sh!t in 1997 – HE’S GOT A GUN!!! You sensitive no pu$$y getting muthaf****az – GO TO YOUR ROOM! Jerk off to your Trish Stratus posters on your bedroom wall!

GRANT BODY-P!

As for Bertie… I’m no Paige fan – but domestic violence? Even if Paige wasn’t the victim – Paige could look at that like – that could have been me… I’d better watch out…

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RAW 1259! This road to Summerslams gonna be long bwoy!!!!

Steph Raw

Right – I got a pizza, and that nice cold drink I was telling you guys about in the Smackdown blog. LET’S DO THIS SH!T!

Dry music Big Cass! Come better than that!

Seriously Big Cass??!! You gonna go after everybody in the locker room? Even Brock? You sure you wanna do this Cass? You are the future of this sh!t? One day you are gonna be the Universal Champion? But you gotta get past Brock?!!! You will main event big BIG WrestleMania? Nobody can touch you? Somebody play that guitar riff PLEASE!!!!

WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW!! Not exactly the guitar riff I was looking for but it’s a start!

The Big Show!!! Beating down Big Cass!!! Good lord Big Show is BEX!

Actually I DON’T doubt Big Cass – the dude reminds me of what would happen if Big Show & Edge was stirred in a dutchpot!

Wait a minute – Gallows & Anderson still have contracts? I know, fascinating isn’t it? I like how the Hardys are teasing the ‘Broken’ side to them! One thing about the WWE Universe (and the IWC) – do NOT tease and NOT follow through afterwards!

The question remains – will Broken Matt Hardy & Brother Nero make it in the WWE2K18 game?????

Gallows & Anderson knock off the Hardy Boyz! YES! I have never seen this broken gimmick in the flesh… only because I have disdain for TNA… Oh snap now The Revival are finishing off what’s left of the Hardy Boyz! Anyone would think they cashed in Money in the Bank the way these guys are going!

The what? The Mizzie Awards??? This segment better be good guys!!!

I get it – they just gonna award themselves awards and sh!t? Oh get the f**k outta here!! Guys – I challenge you to make me laugh…

…and you FAILED! But Miz should not be talking sh!t about Seth Rollins either! Glad he came out to deliver beatings on that muthaf***a!

Was that a tease of a Shield reunion? Guys you best reconcile. I remember Triple & HBK – they tried to kill each other yo! Look at em now!grant-body-p

Alexa Bliss is here! This is the part where my d!ck gets hard… unfortunately the results are negative… and it’s nothing to do with impotence! She does nothing for me guys I’m sorry!

GRANT BODY-P!

I guess Bayley is up next for the women’s title – she pinned Alexa in that tag team jump off…

Oh man RAW is slow-paced yo… it’s like – I’m only looking forward to what happens with Double R, Braun Strowman, Brock Lesnar & Samoa Joe… with that said – I’m gonna continue this sh!t in the morning.

20031587_10207542836249203_3914876468912208934_n

Welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome back, and I hope you are still joining in at home! It’s a new day, yes it is! I praised the lord, now I’m playing catch up. Watching that Cedric Alexander dude – he is a problem! And that Akira Tosawa dude – ha! ha! ha! he is sure to get another shot at Neville! Nice poetic justice I see there too!

So far I’m not feeling RAW… then suddenly there is something to look forward to NEXT WEEK??? We gonna find out who was on the phone to Kurt Angle sending him messages, selfies, naughty pics… come on you saddo hackers get in there and find out what the f**k is going on! You like reading dirt sheets! You like to find out sh!t before it happens!

You think it’s Stephanie????? Kurt did say ‘I love you’…

GRANT BODY-P!

3 guys coming through the crowd, one man in the ring surrounded – sounds familiar Seth Rollins???

Dean Ambrose is like – f**k that – we are the originators! we did that sh!t first! f**k outta here! Beating down The Miz with the steel chair! MARVELLOUS!

“You actually think you deserve a shot at this? You don’t deserve sh!t buddy!” (Brock to Roman Reigns)

OHHHHHH SHEEEEEEEET!!!!! Not sure if Brock is right or not but I know the fans liked that sh!t!

Now a triple threat match at Summerslam involving Samoa Joe? Now that could work!

“The reality is, I kicked your @$$ last night!” (Brock to Samoa Joe)

Er… Brock, the reality is, (and I can say it because I’m behind a laptop) you got your @$$ BUSS but you hit ONE F5 (and a few suplexes) and you won! More like Samoa Joe was f**k!n you up!

GRANT BODY-P!

Good lord! Samoa Joe talking to Brock like he’s a piece of sh!t and there is Double R in the background with a smirk on his face!

Next week – Samoa & Double R battle it out – winner fights Brock Lesnar at Summerslams… there is 5/6 weeks left of build up people… don’t expect this to be a simple outcome!

I think I shall head to my nearest GAME joint and pre-order my WWE2K18… You think Kurt Angle Vs Seth Rollins is a future match up waiting to happen? you know 2K games like to stir the pot!

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1258, July 3 , 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

So the Slammiversary popped off! and NEW! Unified TNA Champion (or whatever it’s called) ALBERTO EL PATRON! There he is running down the WWE in the middle of the ring… after all they did for you Bertie, if it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t be f**k!n Paige. Ungrateful sh!t!

GRANT BODY-P!

Unlucky Cody Rhodes, you didn’t quite make history by holding both the ROH & IWGP titles… Good thing you didn’t, because my fellow JAMMS host and STC member Aydenn Wardle would have lost his sh!t and would have blew his load faster than Chicago bussin into Iesha in Poetic Justice.

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RAW 1258! We don’t sing Great Balls Of Fire over here?!!!! We sing FYYYREEE!! from Busta Rhymes!!!

Steph Raw

Right – I got half a pack of lockets, a hot drink of lemon and honey, plus a pack of jaffa cakes. Yes your Infamous Informer is not very well, and he doesn’t have Penny to sing him soft kitty… however this is Monday Night Raw, we ain’t tryna sleep!

Oh dear, my stream is f**k!n up! Maybe I’m not supposed to watch the World Wrestling Federation Live! I juts missed 15 minutes of this sh!t…

By the sounds of it, I missed Enzo talk sh!t in the ring for that long, and then ambush Big Cass from behind. Ah well!!! Onto Sasha sexy @$$ and Bayley potato @$$!

I know you’re the boss lady, but even you cannot contend with Alexa Blitch and the Bottom and the Breasts Nia Jax!

“This is MY division Sasha!” OH HELL NO! I changed my mind – Sasha – BEAT THAT B!TCH @$$! YES! A BANK STATEMENT! ALEXA BLITCH TAPPING OUT! BEEEEAAAATCH!!!!!

An exclusive interview with Brock and Joe? On the go home show before the PPV? You cannot be serious right now! THAT AIN’T HAPPENING!

Is this thing with Naom Dar/Cedric Alexander/Alicia Fox sh!t still going on??? I only expect this from Hollyoaks! Oh yeah – it’s a ‘male soap opera isn’t it??? Aww shucks…

Sheeeeeeet! Heath Slater been in the WWE game for 8 years! And he never won a title? Last time I check – he won the tag titles with Rhyno! Oh he means a singles title…

Miz says there will be no title matches… YES! KURK ANGLE will have something to say about that!

SERIOUSLY! Miz talking to Kurt Angle like that? This dude got no manners!!!! Heath Slater can fight Miz for the title NOW! If Miz holds down the title (which I think he will because he’s a b!tch hiding behind Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas) then he got Dean Ambrose to deal with at the Great Balls Of Fire joint!

The question remains – who thought up that PPV Title and who got that sh!t approved? Was it one of Vincent Kennedy’s favourite tunes of all time? If that was the case I wanna have my own wrestling promotion! I would call my PPVs ‘Da Mystery Of Chessboxing’… ‘House Of Flying Daggers’, ‘Assassination Day’, ‘Winter Warz’, ‘Bring The Pain’, ‘Brooklyn Zoo’, ‘4th Chamber’… should I go on????

GRANT BODY-P!

Come on Slater!!! WHUPP HIS @$$!!! THINK OF THE KIDS!!!! THE KIDDDDDSSSSS!!! YOU GOTTA PAY THAT CHILD SUPPORT MUTHAF***A!

Damnit! His blodclart Miztourage! Miz has always been a b!tch!

Did you hear that? John Cena advertising Tapout Body Sprays? Talking about feeding trolls and stopping internet warriors?? Here’s looking at you retarded 434 fools!

OH Sh!t – Titus may have a slogan for Apollo Crews – Crews Can’t Loose! But we talking BRAUN here! And Apollo just had a daughter! Apollo must protect her from monsters! They are everywhere! And above all else – keep her OFF THE POLE!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

Great Balls Of fire

A 30- minute iron man tag team match between Sheamus/Cesaro & the Hardy Boyz at the Great Balls of Fire joint? WHOA! Sounds like WWE have been watching the Slammiversary and That G1 thing lately and got their study on!

Don’t you think that’s f**ked up people? Big Big Great Balls of Fire joint about to pop off and Finn Balor is not even fixed up in a match? But Raw made sure wrestling purists got their jerk on as he battles Cesaro here!

Wait a second, maybe he IS in a match at the PPV! I forgot about this Elias Samson dude… is that a bad thing?!

YES Wrestling fools don’t have a heart attack – Brock Lesnar IS SPEAKING TO SAMOA JOE! He is the best of the best of the best! You think Paul Heyman gonna say something stupid?

Hey Brock is laughing at this whole thing! He hasn’t gotta look for Joe! Joe gotta look for him!

Joe is on some – LET’S GO CHAMP! I like this! Considering it’s the go home show!

Joe is bex!!! Brock isn’t! You would think it’s the other way around! This is great!

Just when I thought Braun was getting better competition in Apollo Crews! For a minute Crews was killing Strowman! But Strowman hit the running powerslam, 1, 2 and – WAIT! He picked Crews head up! UH-OH!!!! DOUBLE R GET DOWN HERE FAST! THIS IS INJUSTICE!grant-body-p

He just dropped a second running powerslam! took his head off the canvas before the 3 and licked his forehead! OH MY GOD That’s some Wyatt sh!t right there!

After 3 Running Powerslams, it’s over… hey Crews… it could have been worse you feel me?

He just dashed Crews in the ambulance and told the driver to get going! But the driver nah move!

It’s DOUBLE R!!!! DUNA! DUNA! DUNA! DUNN-DUNN! How can you guys NOT LIKE this dude? YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!

UUUUUUOOOOOOOOAHHHHH! Spear Strowman off the stage into tables – BLAOW!!!!! But how is he gonna drag that carcass into the ambulance? That’s what I wanna know!

Strowman still on his feet! BLODCLART!

Yo, I watched Wonder Woman recently. That Gal Gadot though! OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Some lucky muthaf****a married her quicktime! She is FLIRT ON SIGHT I’m telling you! Watch STC’s Edd Mulhall… he’s on the case… he knows where all the naked pics is at! Personally, I don’t think Gal Gadot got any naked pics… I think Edd uses photoshop and is very efficient at it!

GRANT BODY-P!

Wonder Woman

 

JAMMS

Monday Night Raw #1257, June 26 , 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Mae Young Classic

Let me get this right so I can understand this: You have Lita, one of the pioneering women in wrestling, knows her wrestling sh!t, one of the most beloved from your ever-loving attitude era, (and fine as a muthaf***a too) then you have Jim Ross, fired more times from WWE than you have changed your dirty brief, and you there you are STILL COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET? Roy Lucier – TALK TO YOUR PEOPLE in your International Wrestling Fanbase group. Tell them that I said – SHUT THE F**K UP!

 

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1257! We only deal with the REAL over here!!! Wrestling thoughts in its RAWEST FORM!

Steph Raw

 

Looks like Lavar Ball & Lonzo Ball of the L.A. Lakers is in the house!!! Miz TV though? Is that wise? This I gotta see! I hope The Miz doesn’t say anything slick!

Double R starting the show! Is he still the #1 contender or so he claims?

Los Angeles wants Strowman to come out like – BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN!!!!! I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!

Double R has now put respect on Samoa Joe’s name! Safe to say Samoa won’t trouble Double R again!

Who called the ambulance to pick up the people? Must have been the Los Angeles crowd!

BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!! He man handled Double R! Threw him against the ambulance!!!! Then dashed him inside and mercifully, it drove away! The fans must have got their money’s worth now surely! They can go home happy now – that’s what WWE is about right? Putting smiles on people’s faces!

GRANT BODY-P!

I like that!!! Finn Balor doing his entrance and the Hardy Boyz also spreading their arms out in unison! Los Angeles like – DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!!! That would be a wicked combination actually – Brother Nero, Broken Matt and the Demon Balor! Sheamus, Cesaro and Elias Samson would have no chance!

At this moment wrestling fans watching must be losing their sh!t because the commentators are not talking about the match – and promoting some film with some jabroni named Josh Duhamel…

Talking of movie productions… this Goldust/R-Truth sh!t doesn’t really entertain me. I want Goldust to go back to his cumse-cumsa sh!t that cracked me the f**k up back in 1996, after all – he said the ‘golden age is back’! And finally they are gonna clash – so no Shadfather – it’s not ending up on a pre-show! You are a funny muthaf***a!

Oh dear – R-Truth is bex! You know how I know that? dude ain’t spitting those bars to make the head shake… only to get buss arse by Goldust, with his own cameraman as well??? That’s what you jabronies do when you see a fight – record it on your gidgets gadgets and upload to WorldStar!

GRANT BODY-P!

Let me get this right – A women’s gauntlet jump off? Winner stays on sh!t? Winner faces Alexa Blitch? You know what that is don’t you – trying to better what the Smackdown ladies have got (The superior and better looking and sexier ladies I might add- sorry Sasha – sorry Nia!)

The Big Baller Brand on Miz TV???? Uh-Oh… this gonna trigger Titus and Apollo Crews… watch them come out…

Where is the Miz going? He can’t be on the Big Baller Brand???!!!!

Wait a minute – Miz can’t call himself the Michael Jordan of this wrestling sh!t? DISRESPECT!

Dean Ambrose speaks the truth – nobody got bigger balls than him – they are deep in Renee Young pu$$y! Like God dayuuuuuum!!!! Like OWWWWWWWWW!!!!

GRANT BODY-P!

The way Lavar Ball was going on – He look like he was gonna drop a mean clothesline on The Miz b!tch @$$!

Quick message to you wrestling b!tches who were complaining about that segment – remember – celebrities have been gracing the WWE ring since 1985 – starting all the way from Muhammed Ali. So simply put – SHUT THE F**K UP!

SEAN PRICE - STFU

Well at least with Big Cass – you haven’t gotta ask – Why Cass Why? And he didn’t have to give an explanation! We knew from marning!

Enzo still seems to be in a good mood! Los Angeles are still feeling him!

A man to man talk? Why is Big Cass still got that music? Give him that generic rock sh!t! It worked for Braun!

Enzo still thinks he and Cass is family! Oh boy, this ain’t gonna end well….

Los Angeles crowd dropping the What? Chant…on Cass… Hold on – Cass is sorry? I dunno man… Mark Henry still has that award-winning performance…

I’m still not convinced… there you go – BLAOW!!!! Clothesline to Enzo on the stage!!!! I was just waiting!!! Where is that ambulance at – we might need it back!

Cass just picked up Enzo on some gorilla press sh!t and threw him down the ramp onto the concrete floor! That was vintage NXT writing right there! Remember when Samoa Joe did that sh!t to Finn Balor? THE GRANT SAYS THIS: After Mark Henry’s retirement speech, nothing can fool me anymore.

There’s the face the wrestling fans will accept to lead the company – Seth Rollins! I can’t lie to you – I cannot relate to Rollins! Oh wait there… the video game thing… Ok maybe I do! He would mash me up on sports games, but put on Tekken…. Seth doesn’t stand a chance!

Can somebody please tell me why we are seeing pointless spoilers with the women picking out which order they enter the gauntlet match? Ah foolishness that!

Oh no – here he com- whoa!!! Samoa Joe using stealth moves using that Coquina clutch submission on Lesnar! Well Heyman was right – we would be talking about this the next day!

Paul Heyman says this will be a long out fight to the death! No 1 minute 26 second thing! I hope that is a SPOILER HEYMAN!

Nia Jax is looking KRISSER by the day! I’m telling you – she is spending that WWE money for real! She using that performance centre to its fullest potential! OWWWWWWW! F**K OUTTA HERE with that Alexa Blitch sh!t! One of these days I will ask you guys what features you find attractive on Alexa!grant-body-p

Bayley gotta run the gauntlet first! Should be no problem – she won an ironman match!

Here’s my champion right here – Nia Jax! That BOTTOM… that BIG TICK THIGHS! them BREASSSSTSSS…. aaaaahhhh….

You can’t say that about Alexa and her flat body!

GRANT BODY-P!

Bayley is out the game! Next up – Mickie James! You think her lesbian like powers will work on Nia?

Not this time! Dana Brooke – she has no chance! Make an example out of his fool Nia!

“Emma is impressive on the instagram” – I don’t know about that I’m not following her!

Dayuuuum Nia is killin em! Here comes Sasha! Just like UpUpDownDown -You gotta face the boss Nia! Sasha I love you but this time I love Nia just a little bit more!

Win or lose – this is a display of Nia’s endurance and stamina! I LIKE THAT!

GRANT BODY-P!

Congratulations Sasha! That was a case of whoever loses – I WIN.

Now I turn my attention to STC & PWL’s Ian Anthony Cooper. DUDE – I told you – STOP READING THE DIRT SHEETS – STOP BELIEVING EVERYTHING THAT STUPID 434 PAGE SAYS. There you are posting all over STC and your page that Stone Cold Steve Austin was gonna appear. 434 Made You Look silly yo… what’s sad is I respect you but you traded your soul for riches…

JAMMS

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Monday Night Raw #1256, June 19, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

WWE2K18

Now surely, the WWE2K18 superstar reveal should not result in complaints on the internet. If it does – and you that idiot – KILL YOURSELF.

In other news – when did Jinder Mahal (& Roman Reigns for that matter) pass the hate relay baton to James Ellsworth? He truly f**ked up that Women’s Money In the Bank didn’t he? Suddenly Roman Reigns defeating the Undertaker at WrestleMania is forgiven…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1256! DOUBLE R HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT SUMMERSLAMS! So please refrain from chanting ‘@$$hole’, ‘F**k you Roman’, ‘Shut the f**k up’…

Steph Raw

 

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Monday Night Raw #1254, June 5, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

…And NEW! #1 contender for the World Wrestling Federation Universal Championship, SAMOA JOE!

Yeah I see you guys complaining already that Samoa Joe will not win against Brock at the Great Balls of Fire joint because they are building towards the inevitable confrontation between Brock & Double R… a part of me wants to cuss you and a part of me agrees with you.

See Michael Grant says: I sincerely hope Samoa Joe doesn’t turn out to be one of those guys who could have held the title but didn’t because of politics a few years down the road, like how Summerslams is coming as well, you want Brock in that main event.

But The Infamous Informer says – THIS IS WHAT YOU MUTHAF***AZ WANT! You gonna see a sure-fire brawl and vicious beatdown from both! It will be dubbed ‘Conqueror Vs Destroyer’, y’all know WWE are gonna hype this sh!t up! So if I was you – SHUT THE F**K UP!

GRANT BODY-P!

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Nearly 180,000 views on this sh!t? It’s that crack music n!&&@!! Lalalalalalaaa, lalalalalalaaaaaaa! GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1254! Yo Enzo – PROTECK YA NECK KID!

Steph Raw

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Monday Night Raw #1240, February 27, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

It’s not often I feel embarrassed about my Hip Hop community, constantly talking about Remy Ma Vs Nicki Minaj… I have to retreat to my wrestling folk. I wanna know – when is Beth Phoenix gonna come through and clap down Charlotte? (Hey – I love Charlotte – y’all already know!) Big ups to that woman – NOW INDUCTED IN THIS YEAR’S HOF!

GRANT BODY-P!

In other news: Which brings me to Chyna… I smell a childish move by WWE. Maybe I’m looking into it too much (like a lot of you wrestling fans do) But check it – Beth Phoenix – muscular bodybuilding features, second female to enter the Royal Rumble… man-handling male wrestlers…. hmm sounds all familiar doesn’t it? Chyna did that sh!t first, and because of Triple & Stephanie, she’s not in the HOF… One year after Chyna’s death… just a few weeks before she tried to make closure… yeah maybe I am looking into it too much – playing too much Batman Arkham Knight that is!

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RAW 1240! Gotta hit the FastLane! That means WWE – don’t slow pace this sh!t! No 30mph – none of that sh!t!

Sorry guys – crappy streams have made me miss 10 minutes of this sh!t…. Kevin Owens is still confident against Goldberg! (Come on Owens… you got skills but – between me and you – how much did you pay Brock to f**k him up???)

These muthaf***!n Shining Stars… I can’t wait til big BIG WrestleMania is over… so that WWE do the future endeavoured sh!t, get rid of these two and word on the street is the Hardy Boyz are not in the TNA joint any more… (ooooh come back to WWE -) OH SHUT YOUR MOUTH PUNK!

GRANT BODY-P!

Now… didn’t New Day fight Rusev & Jinder Mahal last week? Don’t let me put on Streets of Rage now!

Er wait a minute – Hardbody Mahal???? Probably Hard’budy’ Mahal being forced to walk around with Lana with the tight up skirt and can’t f**k her!

GRANT BODY-P!

Dayuuum Stephanie how come you are putting Foley on blast like that? I know he has made crappy Raws but sheeeeeet! Obviously Stephanie is inspired by Remy Ma! Stephanie – I know that when Triple leaves the house you turn off that Motorhead and you rocking that real hip hop!

Marvellous! Charlotte is here! The sexiest woman on RAW – yeah I said it! Dana cannot test her, Sasha is fine but her body doesn’t match Charlotte’s… Nia Jax – OWWWWW she fine but she doesn’t ooze the sexuality like Charlotte does… Emma doesn’t count because she grant-body-pwasn’t even there! But Charlotte saying that Bayley cheats to win is crazy hahaha! She’s the worst for it!

…and as for Bayley… please – she looks only 12!

WrestleMania is in 40 days? Last time I check – it was 34 days according to Mike Cole! Charlotte do your arithmetic!

The combined force of Bayley and Sasha Banks is not enough to take down Nia Jax! Why didn’t she enter the rumbles? Randy Orton may not have won right now!

GRANT BODY-P!

Yo – throw Nia Jax in the match at the Fast Lane joint – Triple Threat that muthaf***a! She just pinned Bayley again! You sure you walking into big BIG WrestleMania with that title Bayley????

Braun Strowman wants a contract signing so that Double R doesn’t take foot and run up the stairs!

First Kofi Kingston, now Enzo Amore – why are they wearing these vests that is too short for them showing their belly button and sh!t? They claim to be Hip Hop but they are embarrassing me yo!

Blodclart – WWE Network is 3 years old? Never even noticed… where the party at? That makes WWE Network a Pisces… I notice in my track record that me and Pisces women get along really well…

It’s a real shame that despite the aggression Titus O Neill is showing against Sheamus he is only gonna end up on his back looking at the lights after one brogue kick…

goldberg-fastlane

Ok let me see the condition of Mr Rollins… the man is walking down the ramp with crutches… I’m just waiting for him to throw the thing away and say TRIPLE H! I’M COMING FOR YOU N!&&@!

I’m not falling for it Seth!!!! Mark Henry set the bar for sob stories! Why the f**k is the crowd chanting CM P**k? I swear HANG YOURSELF!

It doesn’t look like the doctors will clear him for WrestleMania? and that evil dastardly Triple TEEF is smiling about it! I’m still waiting for the swerve!

Samoa Joe is at ringside too! Oh lawwwd! This is bad! Double R get out here! Send a tweet to Ambrose – do something!

Triple admitted to using Rollins and spitting him out! THAT DIRTY TRIPLE TEEF!!!!!!

Triple warns Rollins not to come to Big BIG WRESTLEMANIA!!! Rollins is like – F**k YOU!

Wait a minute – is Big Show tryna join the Wyatt family? What is it with these long @$$ beards? Are they the new sexy feature or something? Ladies holla at me on the twitter – @MZATheInfamous!

beth-phoenix-feet-599732

She’s that chick who you would let man handle you in the bed but you play it off like it’s the other way around! SALUTE THIS WOMAN!!!! The question remains – who is going to induct her? Smart money says Edge but I’m sure she would want her peers to do the honors! (I still think it’s WWE’s sly way of slapping Chyna in the face though…)

Wait a minute – didn’t Sasha and Nia fight at the Royal Rumble joint? Now they gonna fight again at the Fast Lane joint? Bookers you are boring me with this no stipulation sh!t!

I like the dude Cesaro but you wrestling fools have put this guy on this pedestal like he’s the baddest! I don’t get that vibe I’m sorry – Samoa – KILL HIM!

Just like that, Samoa Joe brukk up Cesaro’s blodclart – especially after Cesaro tweeked his knee falling off the apron. It makes me wonder who his WrestleMania opponent is gonna be…

Could it be Sami Zayn? They are already fighting at the Fast Lane joint! Oh man this is ruckus by the both of em! This can’t be a basic wrestling match come WrestleMania surely?

Irresisable Force vs Immovable Object my black @$$! Double R got buss arse every week! Roman Reigns Needs a Superman KICK if he has any chance of brukkin up Braun Strowman!

Everybody talking to Mick Foley like sh!t! I think STC’s Wardle is right – All this disrespectful talk and Foley referring himself as a ‘legend’ is pointing towards the Don Of Dons…maybe it IS Braun Strowman Vs Undertaker at WrestleMania!

Er guys… I thought you were gonna sign this contract???? Double R is like – F**k that – Spear Strowman through the barricade – BLAOW! And the crowd actually chanting for Roman! Or is it Strowman????

Double R goes for the spear – Strowman sidesteps and drives Reigns into the turnbuckle – f**k!n up the ring ropes! Double R gotta be f**ked up now! Maybe not – Double R signed the contract! Of course he is!

Like I said – he needs a superman KICK! a superman steel chair! a superman tank!

Me garne ah mi bed – much better than last week… but sh!t it wasn’t easy getting through the sh!t…

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Monday Night Raw #1251, May 15, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Indy killer

So there is some sort of indie Vs mainstream wrestling war which rooted between Rip Rogers & Randy Orton… in the middle of it, Will Ospreay, Bubba Ray Dudley and god knows who else. I don’t know about you guys, but I spent the whole weekend playing Street Fighter V for free…

GRANT BODY-P!

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RAW 1251! IT’S NOT A RUMOUR! Fix Strowman’s elbow… OR ELSE!!!!

Looks like Double R really won this war right? You fans lose again!

Already I’m yawning…. BAD SIGN!

It’s KURRRRRRRRRT!!!! I must ask Jerry Lawler about calling that Armageddon Hell In a Cell….

Kurt – you might as well drop the cell on them because it’s an Extreme Rules Fatal 5 Way match! Winner fights Brock Lesnar! Seth Rollins, Samoa Joe, Bray Wyatt, Finn Balor, and Double R!

Wait – does Double R like that sh!t? Or is it the fans who doesn’t like that sh!t?

Double R believes there should not be a #1 contender! He speaks the truth! He retired The Undertaker! He took Strowman out the game! I wouldn’t argue that but Finn Balor never lost that title! How can you argue that! He beat Double R on his first night! That is true! How can you argue Samoa Joe? Took out Seth Rollins on his first day! Samoa destroys people!

You can argue Bray Wyatt though… he ain’t no face of fear – he loses almost every feud!

As for Seth Rollins – he ‘slayed’ the evil Triple Teef! You can make a case for all 5 – er I mean 4 men!

That is one thing I am so looking forward to when WWE 2K18 drop – Sheamus & Cesaro entrance! Gotta be in my Top 5 entrances right now!

It amuses me that Alicia Fox and Noam Dar appealed against the decision by the ref last week. Yes her shoulders were up and the ref did not see it… but Sasha is only gonna brukk her up again! I gotta rate Alicia for keeping herself relevant though…

Er – what – Alicia Fox won? WHOA!!! I hold my hands up!!!!

Dean Ambrose – The Champion! The Miz – the Challenger! World Wrestling Federation Intercontinetal Championship!

No one’s ever done that! No one has ever kicked out of the Skull Crushing Finale! haha I’m f**k!n with you Miz… your supermove isn’t exactly the Tombstone Piledriver now is it?

GRANT BODY-P!

Maryse tried to teef, and The Miz tried to kick him in his dick…BLOCKED!!! So Ambrose thought – well F**k you! Kick you in your d!ck!!!!

“I thought Miz was trying to hook the inner thigh of Ambrose…” COREY GRAVES DON’T GIVE ME JOKE! A ‘STRONG STYLE INNER THIGH GRAB!!!’

ODB GETTOUTTAHERE

GETTOUTTAHERE!!!!

Oh hell naw – Alexa Bliss – the self proclaimed Goddess… I don’t worship that little pork scratchings!!!! This is the part where I put my pizza in the oven…

I give points where points is due – Alexa Bliss SMASHED THE AUDIENCE! The crowd hitting her with What? Chants during her promo, and Alexa is like ‘Say what again with you are a failure’ and the New Jersey crowd FAILED THE TEST! ‘Exactly!’ New Jersey crowd – YOU ARE A FAILURE! YOU WANNA SLEEP WITH YOUR SISTER LIKE HER NAME IS CERSEI!

Alexa says – Bayley cannot get extreme! Does hugging translate to steel chair shots to the backbone? I guess we gonna find out at the Extreme Rules joint! Alexa gonna lick Bayley down with the kendo stick! OH LAWWWWWWWWWD! I think Bayley gonna cry! Alexa has gone full Harley Quinn! Shout out to everybody getting that Injustice game! I won’t see you online – I’m a Tekken guy!

GRANT BODY-P!

NOW I will put the pizza in the oven…

Unbelivable! The Miz of all people complaining about Deano being teef, and The Miz is one of the biggest TEEFS there is!

Ok – I’m REALLY going to put that pizza in the oven… sorry cruiserweight brothers!

Oh no… CM P**k chants… oh man they REALLY wanna get in Cersei Lannister! Let’s be real – Cersei is fine – she AIN’T MY SISTER!

Cersei Lena headey

Watch STC’s Ed Mulhall try and find nudes of this chick – only to find I have seen her naked ‘sort of’ in Game Of Thrones!

GRANT BODY-P!

(Apparently she was actually pregnant at the time she shot that infamous walk of atonement scene so they got a stunt double…Shame…SHAME! RING THE BELL!)

WHAT? A kendo stick on a pole match for Bayley & Alexa? NO! I think Wardle is right – Vince Russo is back in the creative team! Who let him in?!!!!!

I gotta say I am enjoying RAW this week! Bravo boys and girls! and to think, there’s no Braun Strowman!

Let me watch Finn Balor’s entrance… then I’ll grab my pizza – it should be ready by now!

Oh man… you wrestling fans ain’t gonna like this – a less than 100% Double R defeats Finn Balor in a physical match! In the words of Gordon Ramsay, I say this to you fans… ‘f**k off will ya…’

OH SNAP!!! GOLDUST TURNED EVIL! Looks like Goldust ain’t gonna send any love letters to R-Truth! THE GRANT SAYS – R-Truth – consider yourself lucky! It could have been worse – you could have been Ahmed Johnson!

GRANT BODY-P!

Titus O’Neill is actually giving me joke doing the Enzo routine in a full suit!!!! I’m not too sure if the crowd are chanting ENZO – or @$$Hole?!!! This gig is actually giving Apollo Crews some character! I support this!

Apollo Crews doesn’t take selfies! It’s a female trait! Kick Enzo in his head yes!

I don’t think TJP really wants to be a bad guy… he sure as hell doesn’t act like one… he wants that title – and Neville knows it… keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer right?!

Now that the storylines have slightly changed… does Bray and Finn still have beef? I’m still hoping that the ‘demon king’ appears from out the darkness and assaults Wyatt during this match…

Nope – Samoa Joe – TEEEEEEEF! Is it safe to say that we can automatically take Samoa Joe and Seth Rollins out of the winning equation?! Samoa Joe thought he was going to double team with Wyatt to beat down Rollins – SWITCH – Wyatt hit the Sister Abigail on Joe – BLAOW!!! Wyatt is not someone you make your bredrin! He learnt that after Randall!

GRANT BODY-P!

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Monday Night Raw #1250, May 8, 2017!!!

Smack Talk Centre-Raw!!

Looks like I will have to address a certain jabroni…

Goes by the name of Jared Followill.

King of idiot

Well THE GRANT SAYS Jared FolloWON’T, WHO ARE YOU? Turns out he is some fool from Kings Of Leon. What do they sing? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY SING!!!! Maybe I should take that ridiculous guitar you got strapped round your back, shine it up real nice, keep shining it, turn that sumb!tch sideways – AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP – YOUR CANDY @$$!

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RAW 1250! We are celebrating One and One Quarter of the way to 2000 episodes by coming to HENGLAN! I heard Stephanie is over here… is that dastardly Triple Teef here too?

Dean Ambrose starting the show in front of 17,323 muthaf***az in London! Some of which are in the Smack Talk Centre! Big up Paul Summers, Tom Taylor and Martin Gleed! They love Deano! But Kurt didn’t make the trip! Darn… so Deano is running the dance! The Miz don’t like that sh!t!

Miz claims Stephanie McMahon called him! And said The Miz is running the dance as well! Steph – we saw you on This Morning, don’t act like you are not here!

BRAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! Arm sling and all! The Miz and Deano better give Braun better competition… OR ELSE!

Why are London thanking Strowman for? He did nothing?!

As long as Double R can walk – he’s not finished with him? He’s gonna end Double R?! Then he wants Brock Lesnar???

Where’s Kalisto going?! He’s not done with Braun???

I think Braun just dropped himself in it – said he could beat Kalisto with one arm… Deano set up the match and I’m surprised Deano hasn’t joined Double R in a hospital by now!

Miz running his mouth about beating Finn Balor last week… let’s see how he does now the little wretch!

Wait a minute – The Miz abusing his authority! He pushed Balor into the referee!

Wait! Deano reversed the decision! And banned Maryse from ringside! Balor hit the coup de grace on the Miz – BLAOW! Break that muthaf***a’s rib cage!

I’m sure that Nia Jax fancies Alexa Bliss… I recall her commenting on Alexa’s @$$… she comments on it more than I do… but THE GRANT SAYS Alexa got NO @$$! some of you jabronies do not know what a backside is! Let me give you a demonstration…

On the left is Alexa Bliss. She has NO @$$. There’s nothing there. Flat as a pancake.

On the right is Andressa Soares from Brazil. YOU SEE THAT? NOW THAT IS A BACKSIDE! A BADUNKADUNK! A DELICIOUS BOOTY! A LOVELY RUMP! If Andressa sat on your little tools – she would END YOU!

GRANT BODY-P!

Don’t let me bring up another example!

I’ve come to the conclusion that wrestling fans have NO TASTE in women… I am just not attracted to Bayley! Somebody explain it to me! You mean to tell me we went from the sexy @$$ Trish Stratus… to the leggy Stacy Keibler, to the golden complexion of Layla… to BAYLEY????

The Miz got somebody from One Direction on his show? Yeah – cancel that sh!t!

Fight brukk out backstage between Samoa Joe and Seth Rollins! I wanna hear what the stipulation is for Extreme Rules!

17,323 booing Double R! Looks like this Kalisto beatdown ain’t gonna happen!

Double R going for the spear to Strowman into the barricade – counter technique – he just saw Strowman’s big boot!

Double R beating down Strowman with the steel chair! Strowman had to take foot and run!

Now Double R should go after Strowman and beat out his blodclart! Not stand on top ropes and hold his arms up! You think Austin or The Rock would have done that?

Oh I forgot about this tag team turmoil sh!t… this sh!t is gonna bore me… I have already started yawning…

Just in case you didn’t learn the first time…

Once again, on the left, Alexa Bliss. Nothing there at all. Flat like still tango.

On the right, Sophia Lares. If anyone should know about @$$, it’s STC’s Edmond Mulhall. Personally, I know which @$$ I would rather be behind gettin it in!

GRANT BODY-P!

Good lord! Sheamus & Cesaro eliminated 3 teams in this turmoil sh!t, one of them being the Bullet Club! Golden Truth are the last team to enter! You think they can pull off the upset?

Nope!!!! Cesaro & Sheamus wins! FLAWLESS VICTORY! Or if you prefer, from X-Men Children of the Atom – YOU WIN! (Press the start button and continue the beatings on  the Golden Truth!)

Hardy Boyz out for revenge! But Sheamus & Cesaro left the ring and was like – not tonight boys!

No way are Samoa Joe & Seth Rollins gonna settle this in a simple one – on – one contest? Come on son!

To the ref: Does Samoa Joe look like he cares if you disqualify him? The exposed turnbuckle in play and took Rollins out the game one time!

I didn’t think they were going to do the Cruiserweight segment this week, and now the dude is just known as TJP… sounds like an antiseptic you use in the bathroom!

Right part 3 of proving my point, to show that I’m not biased… here is a pic of Alexa Bliss this time with her @$$ cocked out…

Alexa Bliss ass 2

Now, check this one… Adrian Purnell of the LFL…

Adrian Purnell

I just gave you three examples of why I don’t believe Alexa Bliss is all that as you jabronies claim. For that reason, I dedicate this song to you…

YOO!!! That suplex was crazy! Bray Wyatt had Deano set up similar to Randy when he does his spike DDT, but instead this was outside the ring! Suplex into the floor – BLAOW! Never seen that before!

Props to The Miz (and yes I give props where props is due) He put Michael Cole on blast when he called him out as #1 Miz fan! Remember those days?! Pepperidge Farm remembers!

That’s what happens when you want to take a closer look at the action! You get caught in the action! Or in this case – the suicide dives of Ambrose but it enabled Bray Wyatt to win… I sincerley hope this doesn’t become a thing with the IWC where Bray cannot win a match alone when we have seen him do it constantly…

GRANT BODY-P!

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